fine-episode i-funeral-script
TRANSCRIPT
Fine: Episode I
"Funeral"
By: Ellen Charlotte Dawe
2016 Ellen Charlotte Dawe
630-220-4238
1 EXT. CEMETERY (NEW YORK CITY)-DAY
A sizable group of mourners gather at a cemetery in New York
city. It is a crisp autumn day, too pretty to be somber,
yet somber it is. The mourners talk among themselves, so
crying, some consoling others, and some wandering about the
grounds. We eventually settle on MARGOT ALICE FINE and
SYLVIA PENELOPE FINE seated on a bench. Margot is a woman in
her seventies and a doctor. Her granddaughter, Sylvia is a
woman in her early twenties, she wear glasses and sits next
to Margot on the bench. They are tired, as though sitting on
the bench requires all of their energy. A piece of Sylvia’s
hair falls in front of her face as she moves her head,
Margot puts it back in place.
SYLVIA
Thank you
MARGOT
You’re welcome
They return to sitting silently. After a time, Margot leans
back on the bench.
MARGOT (CONT’D)
I think I like benches.
SYLVIA
Benches?
MARGOT
Yes, benches
SYLVIA
(pause)
Why benches?
MARGOT
I don’t know.
SYLVIA
But you just said you like
benches...why?
MARGOT
They’re just there, but not too
there. You know what I mean?
SYLVIA
Yes
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.
MARGOT
They’re there when you need a place
to sit.
SYLVIA
But they’re hard
MARGOT
So you don’t sit too long.
SYLVIA
Just long enough
MARGOT
You can wait for a friend.
SYLVIA
Wait for a bus
MARGOT
Read the same page of a book over
and over again
SYLVIA
Watch birds be birds
MARGOT
Eat a sandwich
SYLVIA
Half a sandwich
MARGOT
Half?
SYLVIA
No one ever eats a whole sandwich
on a bench.
MARGOT
Yes they do.
SYLVIA
No, It’s too hard. Your butt starts
to hurt after half the sandwich so,
you get up and look for a new place
to sit but there are none and your
hungry so, you just eat while you
walk and then you throw your trash
away because...
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.
MARGOT
Give a hoot, don’t pollute
SYLVIA
Exactly
MARGOT
Benches are the perfect place to
figure out what you’re going to do
next.
SYLVIA
They should really put that on a
plaque, or at least write a folk
song about it.
Margot and Sylvia sit in silence again. a middle-aged man,
TIM DAHLGREN, approaches the bench and sits next to Sylvia.
Tim is not a bad man, he’s just a dumb man.
TIM
Hi. I just wanted to take a seat
for a minute. What a day, right?
Margot and Sylvia nod in agreement.
TIM (CONT’D)
I can’t believe it, 48 years old. I
mean it’s tough at any age, but a
48 year old man gets hit by a car
on a business trip to Boston...
(pause)
It makes you think.
(pause)
I was supposed to be on that trip.
I wanted to be on that trip. I was
told I wasn’t needed on that trip.
(pause)
It makes you think.
(pause)
I’m sorry, I never introduced
myself. I’m Tim Dahlgren, I worked
with Bobby. Well, I worked near
Bobby. We worked at the same firm.
How did you know him?
SYLVIA
He was my father.
MARGOT
He was my son.
Tim’s jaw drops and he sits speechless and in shock.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.
TIM
Eeh...Oh...So...You’re
Sylvia and Margot shake hands with Tim.
MARGOT
Margot Fine
SYLVIA
Sylvia Fine
TIM
I...I didn’t...I...
(to Sylvia)
So you have no parents now.
SYLVIA
That’s correct.
TIM
(trying to real it in)
I’m so sorry.
SYLVIA
Thank you
There is an awkward pause
MARGOT
Well, I’m sure we’ll laugh about
this one day.
Margot grabs Sylvia by the collar and they stand up and walk
away from the bench. Tim still sits on the bench, sad and
angry at himself.
SYLVIA
Where are we going?
MARGOT
Anywhere
Sylvia and Margot walk through the group of funeral guests
who seem to have formed two parallel lines/masses. Everyone
looks at them as they walk through.
CUT TO OPENING TITLES
The OPENING TITLES are done in the style of The Mary Tyler
Moore Show and The Rockford Files with images and clips of
the main characters set to a theme song.
CUT TO:
5.
2 INT. MARGOT’S APARTMENT-ENTRYWAY-EVENING
This is Margot’s apartment. It’s classy yet lived-in and has
clearly been home for decades. It is a home full of art and
collected artifacts. The apartment door is closed and a dog
SIDNEY POITIER sits waiting for its humans to return. Margot
and Sylvia enter the apartment carrying bags of food and a
flower arrangement.
MARGOT
Hi Sid.
Sylvia puts the flowers on a table. Sylvia and Margot take
off their coats and hang them up.
SYLVIA
I’m going to go find Eliza.
Sylvia turns to walk down a long hallway.
3 INT. HALLWAY-EVENING-CONTINUOUS
Sylvia walks down a long hallway to a door that is partially
open. She pushes through the door and walks into a bedroom.
4 INT. SYLVIA’S BEDROOM-EVENING-CONTINUOUS
This bedroom has a bed and other furniture, but it’s full of
boxes and other containers not unpacked. Everything looks
rushed and Sylvia walks around the room looking among the
boxes and furniture. She opens the closet, pokes around
boxes and bins looking for a cat. This cat, ELIZA DOOLITTLE,
sits atop a tall pile of boxes kindly staring down at
Sylvia. Sylvia finally looks up and sees Eliza.
SYLVIA
(to Eliza)
Oh hi. Enjoying your throne?
Sylvia climbs around boxes to get to Eliza and picks her up.
SYLVIA (CONT’D)
(to Eliza)
You’re really making me work for it
aren’t you?
Sylvia walks around the bedroom with Eliza. She opens more
boxes, looking for something.
SYLVIA (CONT’D) CONTINUED
(to Eliza)
Where is it Eliza? Where are you
keeping it? Did you take it? Did
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.
SYLVIA (CONT’D) CONTINUEDyou hide it in a secret place only
you know about? Did you hide it
somewhere so I’ll never find it and
I’ll spend the rest of my life
looking for it? Then when I die,
I’ll croak out one final
"Victoria", Citizen Kane style, and
then everyone will wonde who that
is and what it could possibly mean
even though it’s been in front of
them all along because it was right
here...Ah ha!
Sylvia reaches into a box and pulls out a hat, she is
disappointed as it’s not what she was expecting to find.
SYLVIA (CONT’D) CONTINUED
Naaah. Damn it.
(to Eliza)
That would have been pretty cool
though, right?
Sylvia searches through more boxes. Then, she climbs onto
the bed and sits with Eliza, leaning her chin on the
footboard of the bed.
5 INT. MARGOT’S KITCHEN-EVENING
Margot stands in the kitchen unpacking leftover food. The
dog, Sidney Poitier, wanders in and sits at attention in the
doorway. Margot notices Sid, who then puts his chin to the
floor. Margot turns around to face Sid.
MARGOT
(to Sid)
Sidney Poitier, a man after my own
heart.
Margot and Sid stare and each other.
MARGOT (CONT’D)
(to Sid)
You just want to look into each
others eyes...okay?
Margot continues to put food away. She then pauses and opens
a cupboard and Sid perks up a little, she pulls out a
container of dog food and shakes it. Sid runs to Margot
excited and joyful.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.
MARGOT (CONT’D) CONTINUED
(to Sid)
I know you too well.
Margot feeds Sid who begins gobbling up the food. Margot
stands near Sid watching him eat. Sid stops eating and looks
up at Margot, noticing she’s sad. Sid walks to Margot and
paws at her, Margot picks him up.
MARGOT (CONT’D) CONTINUED
Thanks Sid.
Margot walks around with Sid, they hug each other.
6 INT. MARGOT’S LIVING ROOM-LATE NIGHT
This is Margot’s living room. There are no area rugs
anywhere in the entire apartment. This living room has a
wall of books behind the couch and is everything in it looks
as if it has a story. It’s around 2 o’clock in the morning
and Margot sits on the couch with Sid as they watch
"Lawrence of Arabia" on the television. Sylvia walks into
the living room carrying Eliza.
SYLVIA
Oh Hey. i couldn’t sleep.
MARGOT
Me neither
Sylvia sits down on the couch.
SYLVIA
I tried.
MARGOT
Me too. But alas..
SYLVIA
Sleep never came...
MARGOT
Nope. So, I came in here. I sat
down. Well, first I sat there
because Sid sat here; but then, we
switched spots because he
remembered this is my spot.
SYLVIA
He is a smart dog.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.
MARGOT
Yes he is.
SYLVIA
So, you switched spots with Sid...
MARGOT
We switched spots, I turned on the
TV, I saw beautiful eyes--
SYLVIA
Peter O’Toole
MARGOT
Exactly. And I was transfixed.
SYLVIA
It’s easy to be.
MARGOT
And then I looked at the sand.
SYLVIA
And how it’s perfectly smooth
MARGOT
Yes
SYLVIA
The entire time
MARGOT
And you know every time that camel
walks across the sand it messes up
the sand; so, every time they did
another take they’d have to wait
for the sand to be smooth again.
SYLVIA
That could take days.
Margot and Sylvia sit in silence and just watch the movie.
SYLVIA (CONT’D)
Grandma
MARGOT
Yes
SYLVIA
What do you think Stephen Colbert
is doing right now?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.
MARGOT
Probably sleeping...or maybe he’s
on a boat somewhere.
SYLVIA
That checks out.
MARGOT
I wouldn’t like that.
SYLVIA
Being on a boat with Stephen
Colbert?
MARGOT
No, just being on a boat in
general. I have no idea why anyone
would want to get on a boat just to
nap. That seems like a lot of work
for a nap, which is
counter-intuitive to the concept of
naps.
SYLVIA
I think people like it because they
stay awake.
MARGOT
How on earth do they do that?
SYLVIA
I have no idea. I’ve never had much
success staying awake on boats
either. If I had been a passenger
on the Titanic, not even Billy Zane
would’ve awakened me.
MARGOT
That’s a shame, because that’s the
best part of that movie.
SYLVIA
Agreed
Margot and Sylvia sit in silence and just watch the movie.
SYLVIA (CONT’D)
Would you go on a train ride with
Stephen Colbert?
MARGOT
Of course, because trains rule.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.
SYLVIA
They do
MARGOT
Never met a train I didn’t like.
SYLVIA
Accept for that one in Vermont.
MARGOT
That was unfortunate.
SYLVIA
That was traumatic.
MARGOT
We didn’t know it was "Thomas the
Tank Engine" day.
SYLVIA
Uh huh, sure.
MARGOT
We didn’t know!
SYLVIA
That’s 15 minutes of my life I’ll
never get back; and, it was
supposed to be 90 minutes of pure
antique train joy to remember
forever.
MARGOT
Would you rather we’d gone on a
train ride where everything went
according to plan, like they do in
Europe?
SYLVIA
No. Then I wouldn’t have my go-to
tight five.
MARGOT
You use that one too?
Sylvia nods yes and smiles.
SYLVIA
i also wouldn’t have learned the
potential pitfalls of an out of
date guide book.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.
MARGOT
That wasn’t my fault. I didn’t
choose that book.
SYLVIA
I didn’t either.
Margot and Sylvia sit in silence and somberly stare at the
screen.
MARGOT
Have we ever talked about how there
are basically no women in this
movie?
SYLVIA
Yes
MARGOT
Do we talk about it every time we
watch this movie?
SYLVIA
Yes
MARGOT
Well remind me to bring it up again
the next time we watch this movie.
SYLVIA
I will.
7 INT. MARGOT’S LIVING ROOM-LATER
Sylvia and Margot sit in silence. They see Peter O’Toole as
Lawrence stand atop a high hill/rock/point and look out onto
the horizon as his robes flow around him in the wind. They
both sigh and smile.
SYLVIA (CONT’D)
I’m hungry.
MARGOT
Do you want something to eat?
SYLVIA
No
MARGOT
There’s leftovers.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 12.
SYLVIA
What leftovers?
MARGOT
From today
SYLVIA
Oh. I don’t want anything.
MARGOT
But you’re hungry.
SYLVIA
Yeah, but I’m that hungry where you
can’t eat.
MARGOT
Like sleepy where you can’t sleep.
SYLVIA
Yes
(pause)
What kind of leftovers are there?
MARGOT
It’s the stuff from today
SYLVIA
What kind of stuff?
MARGOT
Food
SYLVIA
You have no idea what any of it is.
MARGOT
I didn’t eat any of it.
SYLVIA
Me neither
MARGOT
I was standing near the meatballs
and every time I went to reach for
a meatball some person would show
up and feel the need to remind me
that my son just died. Then they
would just walk away like they’d
just told me the secret code word
and had to re-infiltrate the crowd
to remain inconspicuous.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 13.
SYLVIA
I wouldn’t want a meatball after
that. I never thought I’d encounter
a situation that could make me not
want a meatball, but that would do
it.
MARGOT
I tried to get across the room to
you because I saw you talking to
someone I did not recognize.
SYLVIA
I tried to signal.
MARGOT
I saw.
SYLVIA
It was defcon 4.
MARGOT
I thought we weren’t calling it
that anymore, too political.
SYLVIA
You really think "Red Alert" is
better?
MARGOT
We’re not Communists so it’s fine.
SYLVIA
(thinking)
As much as I want to, I just can’t
argue with that logic.
(pause)
You didn’t miss much anyways.
MARGOT
Huh?
SYLVIA
It was just a lot of people asking
me: what are your plans? I didn’t
really know what they meant by
this, but they definitely expected
me to. And I think my not
understanding their ambiguity left
them deeply concerned so, you might
be getting some calls.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 14.
MARGOT
Well, I will be too busy in Florida
to answer any of them.
SYLVIA
(concerned)
You’re going to Florida?
MARGOT
No. All of these people today kept
telling me to go to Florida as
though it’s the pinnacle of peace
and tranquility, like that’s
something I so often seek.
SYLVIA
It is not.
MARGOT
Correct. And if I were to seek it,
I would not go to Florida. You know
my feelings about sand.
SYLVIA
I do. They’re nearly identicle to
my feelings about sand which are
pretty much the same feelings
Gilbert had about Sullivan.
MARGOT
Exactly
SYLVIA
Do any of these people live in
Florida?
MARGOT
Not a one.
SYLVIA
At least your brothers were
surprisingly well behaved.
MARGOT
They were, I was quite proud.
SYLVIA
Uncle Cliff only made three people
deeply uncomfortable.
MARGOT
And I only had to tell Everett to
stop looking for wife number five,
twice.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 15.
SYLVIA
Is that a new low?
MARGOT
I believe it is.
8 INT. MARGOT’S LIVING ROOM-LATER
Margot and Sylvia sit in silence again. Sylvia leans her
head on Margot’s shoulder.
SYLVIA
If you went to Florida, would you
tell me?
MARGOT
Yes...
FADE OUT
9 INT. MARGOT’S APARTMENT- LATE MORNING
Sylvia exists her bedroom with a backpack and a few other
bags of stuff. She walks down the long hallway with Eliza
following. She stops near the front door where she sees
Margot standing in the kitchen doorway.
MARGOT
Come here.
Sylvia walks to the kitchen doorway. Margot is in the
kitchen putting containers of food into a bag.
10 INT. MARGOT’S KITCHEN- LATE MORNING- CONTINUOUS
MARGOT (CONT’D)
What do you want?
SYLVIA
Nothing
MARGOT
Just take some of it.
SYLVIA
I don’t want it.
MARGOT
Here’s couscous. Take the couscous.
You love couscous.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 16.
SYLVIA
Couscous, the food so nice they
named it twice.
MARGOT
Yes.
SYLVIA
I don’t want it.
MARGOT
Well I don’t want it either.
SYLVIA
Then why are you making me take it?
MARGOT
Because you’re in college, and this
is free food. The math all made
sense in my head.
SYLVIA
Well applied mathematics isn’t
working today.
Margot picks up a bag of food and presents it to Sylvia.
MARGOT
just take this bag of food so we
can end this conversation. Please.
SYLVIA
Okay
Sylvia takes the bag and they walk out of the kitchen
towards the door.
11 INT. MARGOT’S APARTMENT/FRONT DOOR- LATE MORNING- CONTINUOUS
MARGOT
You don’t have to eat it. You don’t
even have to look at it. You just
have to take it.
SYLVIA
I’m taking it. I’m taking it.
MARGOT
You can give it away if you want.
SYLVIA
I’m taking it.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 17.
MARGOT
(brief pause)
You don’t have to leave now if you
don’t want to. I’m not forcing you
out of here.
SYLVIA
I know.
(brief pause)
If I don’t leave now, I’ll never
leave, and you don’t want that.
MARGOT
You’re right, I don’t
(brief pause)
But if that’s what you want...
SYLVIA
I don’t
MARGOT
Okay
Sylvia puts on a coat and picks up her bags. She looks at
Eliza Doolittle who is sitting next to Sidney Poitier.
SYLVIA
You’ll take care of Eliza?
MARGOT
Of course.
Sylvia bids goodbye to Eliza and Sid
SYLVIA
(to Eliza and Sid)
Be nice to each other.
MARGOT
She’ll be alright.
Sylvia opens the door and begins to exit. Margot grabs a
coat and keys and follows quickly.
SYLVIA
If she seems depressed, I’ll come
over; or, we can FaceTime.
18.
12 EXT. STREET- EAST SIDE- LATE MORNING
Margot and Sylvia exit the apartment building and begin
walking down the street with Sylvia carrying all of her
stuff accept for the bag of food which Margot holds. They
continue the conversation they’ve been having.
MARGOT
I promise. If Eliza Doolittle so
much as yawns for longer than usual
you will be my first call, not
Henry Higgins or Colonel
Pickering--
SYLVIA
Ha ha
MARGOT
And don’t even get me started on
Mrs. Pierce.
SYLVIA
I appreciate the sentiment, not the
bad joke.
MARGOT
That was my goal.
(pause)
Now if you feel sad, or upset, or
confused, or nervous, or
anything...call me.
SYLVIA
Okay
MARGOT
I mean it.
SYLVIA
I know.
MARGOT
Anything, I swear. If tomorrow
you’re doing laundry and your red
sweater bleeds onto your white
socks, and that upsets you, I will
come to school and comfort you, I
can be there in 20 minutes. Or, you
can come over here. Or, we can go
to an alternate location. Whatever
you want.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 19.
SYLVIA
I got it.
MARGOT
We can talk about it why it upset
you. We can not talk about why it
upset you. If it’s the laundry
situation we will have to discuss
how it happened in the first
because you should know how to
prevent something like that.
SYLVIA
Separate lights, darks, and colors
MARGOT
Or you can use a color catcher.
SYLVIA
I don’t like those.
MARGOT
Me neither
SYLVIA
I mean it’s not that difficult to
sort clothing...unless you’re color
blind.
MARGOT
Exactly
Sylvia notices that Margot has been walking with her down
the street.
SYLVIA
Are you going somewhere?
MARGOT
No
SYLVIA
Then why are you walking down the
street?
MARGOT
Well when you left we were
mid-conversation, and it felt wrong
to stop mid-conversation, so I came
with.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 20.
SYLVIA
Oh, okay. That makes sense.
(pause)
I should go now.
MARGOT
Alright. Call me.
SYLVIA
I will. You can call me too.
MARGOT
I will.
SYLVIA
I’ll come over and unpack all of
those boxes.
MARGOT
You don’t have to.
SYLVIA
No I’ll come do it. I have to do
it. I can’t find any of my stuff.
MARGOT
Whenever you’re ready
SYLVIA
Okay
Sylvia and Margot stand facing each other. They hug for a
fairly long time. After the hug, they look at each other.
Then, Sylvia turns and walks away. Margot stands still
holding the bag of food. She looks down, noticing it.
MARGOT
God damn it!
Sylvia runs back to Margot and grabs the bag of food out of
her hand and runs away.
SYLVIA
Sorry!
13 EXT. COLLEGE DORMITORY- LATE MORNING
A young man in his early 20s, CHRIS ARATO sits in front of a
college dormitory in New York City. He is a very tall
gentlemen and has the personality of a camp counselor or a
choir director. He sits reading a book awaiting someone’s
arrival. He sees Sylvia approaching and sends a quick text
message on his phone before standing up.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 21.
CHRIS
(warm and enthusiastic)
Hi
SYLVIA
Hi. What are you doing?
CHRIS
Nothing
SYLVIA
It’s a Sunday before noon, what are
you doing?
CHRIS
Enjoying the day.
SYLVIA
Come on Chris; I know you; you’re
awake, dressed, and outside before
noon on a weekend. That’s my thing.
CHRIS
I was just--
SYLVIA
Don’t lie to me, I’m not in the
mood.
CHRIS
Okay fine. Everyone is up in your
room waiting for you to come back
because we thought it would be a
good idea to surprise you given the
recent events in your life. And
when I say we, I mean me, it was my
idea because you know I love
surprises. Then last night I
thought it might not actually be a
good time for a surprise because
it’s not exactly a happy time and
surprises are usually for happy
things like birthdays, puppies, or
pie--because, why not? But then, I
didn’t want to tell anyone I was
having second thoughts because I’d
already convinced them all to do
this and they were telling me what
a great person I was, so my clout
had risen which is my ideal life
status. So, I decided for the first
time in my life to keep a thought
to myself. And now you’re here, and
I just told you everything.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 22.
SYLVIA
(shocked but touched)
Wow! That’s really nice.
CHRIS
We don’t have to go if you don’t
want.
SYLVIA
No, let’s go. I want to.
CHRIS
Are you sure?
SYLVIA
Yes.
CHRIS
Let’s go
Sylvia and Chris walk to the building door.
SYLVIA
How did you get in my room?
CHRIS
Oh, Kevin took the master key from
the R.A. office.
14 INT. COLLEGE DORMITORY HALLWAY-LATE MORNING
Sylvia and Chris walk down a hallway of a college dormitory.
There are decorated bulletin boards and doors throughout the
hall as well as posters/flyers for different events and
groups.
SYLVIA
It’s not allowed
CHRIS
We know
SYLVIA
He can’t just take the master key.
That’s against the rules.
CHRIS
He knows.
SYLVIA
Does he though? We went through the
same training and I’d say one of
the top five takeaways was: the
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 23.
SYLVIA CONTINUEDmaster key is for lock-outs and
emergencies only, not personal use.
CHRIS
Yeah, Kevin told me not to tell you
about it. So, once we get in your
room--zip. Okay?
SYLVIA
Okay
CHRIS
And remember you’re very surprised.
You don’t suspect a thing. I just
bumped into you and decided to walk
you to your door like a true
gentlemen.
SYLVIA
A true gentlemen who didn’t offer
the carry anything.
CHRIS
Oh I can--
SYLVIA
Don’t bother
CHRIS
Remember, You’re very surprised!
Sylvia unlocks her door with her key and they walk inside.
15 INT. SYLVIA’S DORM ROOM-LATE MORNING
This is Sylvia’s dorm room. The furniture is standard and
basic, but the decorations make it unique and exciting. The
bed is made with a quilt and the room is very neat. Books
are stored all over the place, wherever they will fit. The
walls are adorned with posters, photographs, and all
varieties of unique decor. In the room, Sylvia’s friends:
KEVIN, AMY, CLAIRE, AND GAIL (all the same age as Chris and
Sylvia) shout surprise when Sylvia enters with Chris.
KEVIN/CHRIS/GAIL/CLAIRE/AMY
Surprise!
KEVIN
We love you!
CLAIRE
We made you cookies!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 24.
GAIL
Welcome back!
AMY
Welcome!
SYLVIA
Oh my gosh! You guys! This is so
nice! Chris told me you were all up
here.
CHRIS
Wha--?
CLAIRE
I knew you couldn’t handle it.
CHRIS
Amy was putting unnecessary
pressure on me!
AMY
No I wasn’t. I’m the reason you’re
awake for this.
CHRIS
You called me in the middle of the
night!
AMY
I called you at 10 o’clock this
morning.
CHRIS
I need my beauty rest.
AMY
Please
CHRIS
How do you think I’ve looked this
good for this long?
GAIL
Definitely not because of your
attitude.
Claire high-fives Gail
CLAIRE
Oh Yes!
KEVIN
(to Chris)
You walked into that one man.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 25.
SYLVIA
Speaking of walking into things,
Kevin. You can’t just walk into the
R.A. office and take the master key
for personal use.
KEVIN
Chris! I told you that in
confidence!
CLAIRE
I wish I’d brought popcorn
CHRIS
What is happening?
SYLVIA
Kevin!
KEVIN
What?
SYLVIA
That is in violation of procedure,
policy, and protocol.
KEVIN
Those are three words that all mean
the same thing.
SYLVIA
Not in this context.
KEVIN
What context is this?
SYLVIA
They’re three separate sections of
the handbook!
KEVIN
Are you going to report me?
SYLVIA
No. But the next time we do rounds
we’re switching. Which means you’re
taking evens; which means you have
to go the 12th floor; which means,
you will have to go to room 12C.
KEVIN
No!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 26.
SYLVIA
Yes!
AMY
What’s going on in room 12C?
KEVIN
I’m afraid we cannot share that
information at this time.
GAIL
What are you bound by the rules of
the Geneva Convention?
KEVIN
Not really...
SYLVIA
Yet, kind of...
16 INT. MARGOT’S APARTMENT-SYLVIA’S BEDROOM-LATE MORNING
Margot stands in the doorway of Sylvia’s bedroom looking in
at all of the unpacked boxes and bins. She walks into the
room and looks around, Sid and Eliza follow. She casually
opens a box, but walks away to another pile in the room.
Eliza jumps in the box. Sid follows Margot around the room
as she starts unpacking boxes. She opens another box and
removes a couple of throw pillows.
MARGOT
(to Sid)
Need a nap? Or a throne?
Margot tosses the pillows onto the bed, Sid jumps on the bed
and sits with the pillows.
MARGOT (CONT’D)
(to Sid)
Enjoy!
Margot pulls some blankets out of a box. She then reaches in
and pulls out an old Teddy Bear that has physically seen
better days, but still has sparkle. This bear has been
patched and re-stuffed countless times. It has red fabric on
the bottom of its feet and hands (paws). Somehow, this red
fabric is the only untarnished part of the bear. Margot
holds the bear and then hears a purr from another box. She
walks to the box and pulls Eliza, who has gotten stuck, out
of a box. Margot sits down on a bench at the foot of the bed
holding the bear and sitting with Sid and Eliza. She looks
around the room, it’s overwhelming and she quickly exists
the room.
27.
FADE OUT
17 INT. SYLVIA’S DORM ROOM-AFTERNOON
Sylvia, Chris, Kevin, Gail, Amy, and Claire are scattered
around Sylvia’s dorm room reading and studying. They eat
snacks and their backpacks are scattered around the room.
Claire is hugging one of Sylvia’s pillows.
SYLVIA
You know Claire if that pillow ends
up fused to your body, it’s okay,
you can just give me one of yours
CLAIRE
That’s okay, I’m fine here. I’m
never leaving the supple crevases
of this hypo-allergenic pillow.
GAIL
You know, I’m not the jealous type,
but even I’m starting to question
our relationship.
CLAIRE
Sorry. I didn’t sleep well last
night
SYLVIA
Me neither
CHRIS
I too was awakened--
AMY
Let it go!
KEVIN
I slept great
SYLVIA
No one asked you.
KEVIN
That was very Emily Blunt of you
SYLVIA
Kevin, we’ve been over your use of
puns what 2, 3, 46 dozen times and
the conclusion is always...?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 28.
AMY
You should stop with the puns.
KEVIN
I think that was for me to answer.
SYLVIA
No, that was for Amy.
AMY
It was, I could feel it.
KEVIN
You can feel when someone wants you
to finish their sentence?
AMY
When it relates to bad puns, yes.
KEVIN
Impressive
AMY
Thank you. You’re still bad at
puns.
CHRIS
Maybe there just aren’t good puns.
SYLVIA
Of course there are good puns.
CHRIS
This is coming from two people
who’ve cringed at nearly every pun
Kevin’s ever made.
CLAIRE
That’s because they’re bad puns!
KEVIN
Oh now you’re an expert on puns
too...?
CLAIRE
Yes. I am.
GAIL
She is. In her free time, when
she’s not playing tennis, she’s
mastering the art of puns.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 29.
CLAIRE
(to Gail)
Thank you.
GAIL
No problem
KEVIN
I can’t win.
CHRIS
Please. Can someone answer my
question? It’s just a simple
request!
AMY
Like the time you requested I help
you carry a bag of books to the
train, and then we ended up at your
aunt and uncle’s house in
Pennsylvania? That type of simple
request...
Chris glares at Amy with friendly annoyance.
SYLVIA
(to Chris)
What do you need to know?
CHRIS
Let’s pretend I’m a hobbit.
SYLVIA
You’re too tall.
CHRIS
That’s why we’re pretending.
SYLVIA
Okay, fine
CHRIS
So, I’m a hobbit and I’m walking on
a thing, and passing a place, and
digging, and fighting, and meeting
Ian McKellen...
CLAIRE
You might need to revisit those
books.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 30.
KEVIN
And those movies, and Ian
McKellen’s twitter.
CHRIS
Anyways, I’m hobbit, I’m on a
journey looking for puns. Where do
I find them?
SYLVIA
Sylvia picks up a pretzel and bites it.
The Larry Gelbart seasons of MASH
AMY
Agreed
CHRIS
You agree? You agree that the Larry
Gelbart seasons of MASH are sources
of good puns?
AMY
I do
CHRIS
As though "the Larry Gelbart
seasons of MASH" is a concept that
everyone just understands.
SYLVIA
Yes
CHRIS
That’s crazy. That’s ridiculous!
CLAIRE
Hey, do not mock the 4077,
heroes--every last one of them!
CHRIS
I’m not mocking the 4077
CLAIRE
Right...
KEVIN
You can’t just gave a conceptual
answer to a specific
question. That’s petty.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 31.
CLAIRE
It’s not petty. It’s efficient.
CHRIS
I want an example.
SYLVIA
What?
CHRIS
I want an example of a pun from
"the Larry Gelbart seasons of
MASH".
SYLVIA
I can’t
CHRIS
You can’t? Is that because you
don’t know an answer? You can’t
think of one! You can’t think of a
pun from "the Larry Gelbart seasons
of MASH", thus weakening your own
argument!
SYLVIA
No. I just have a lot of other
things on my mind right now, so my
knowledge of MASH might be tertiary
for the time being.
CHRIS
(sincere)
Oh, well I can’t argue with that.
Sylvia picks up a book and hands it to Amy
SYLVIA
Oh Amy, you left your LSAT practice
book here.
AMY
Oh thanks, I’ve been looking for
it.
SYLVIA
I read it. I learned a lot.
32.
18 INT. GRISTEDES- AFTERNOON
Margot stands in the produce section of Gristedes looking at
Carrots. A couple, DIANE and CALVIN, see Margot from down
the aisle and approach her.
DIANE
Margot
MARGOT
Hello
Margot hugs Diane and Calvin.
DIANE
Oh my gosh!
MARGOT
What?
DIANE
You--
CALVIN
Diane
DIANE
How are you?
MARGOT
Uh--
CALVIN
Diane--?
DIANE
(to Calvin)
What?
CALVIN
You can’t ask that.
Margot bites a carrot
MARGOT
(over it)
Ask what?
CALVIN
(to Diane)
You can’t just ask "how are you?"
to a person whose son was recently
crushed by a car.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 33.
DIANE
(to Calvin)
I think it’s better than just
announcing that someone’s son was
crushed by a car in front of them.
MARGOT
It’s alright, I’m just--
CALVIN
Well now we’ve done it twice.
DIANE
No we haven’t.
CALVIN
Yes we have.
DIANE
No we haven’t.
Margot just eats a carrot
CALVIN
We brought it up twice, but we did
it while trying not to bring it up
twice, but we brought it up twice.
DIANE
Well we should have prepared how we
going to bring up this subject.
CALVIN
How would we prepare when we didn’t
know we were going to run into her.
DIANE
Who?
CALVIN
Margot
MARGOT
Hi
DIANE
We should have discussed it.
CALVIN
But we didn’t
Margot continues to eat a carrot and nods along.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 34.
DIANE
(to Margot)
We’ve been very busy
CALVIN
So busy
MARGOT
Yeah, I think I’m going to go.
CALVIN
Don’t go
DIANE
We’ll go. We’re busy.
MARGOT
So you said
CALVIN
We’re so sorry we weren’t at the
funeral.
DIANE
We were busy.
CALVIN
We were
DIANE
We heard it was lovely.
MARGOT
(momentarily elated)
Really? Who told you?
Diane and Calvin look at each other guiltily.
CALVIN
No one
DIANE
We made it up
MARGOT
Well, at least you tried to lie.
CALVIN
Sorry
DIANE
We’re going to go.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 35.
MARGOT
Okay
DIANE
Bye
Diane and Calvin leave. Margot stands holding carrots.
MARGOT
I’m just trying to buy carrots.
FADE OUT
19 INT. PIZZERIA- EVENING
Sylvia stands in a pizzeria waiting for her food. A young
man, ALEX, approaches her casually.
ALEX
Hey....hey...hello....
Sylvia does not respond.
ALEX (CONT’D)
I’m Alex...are you deaf?
SYLVIA
Are you rude? Oh wait I’ll answer
that for you: yes, you’re rude.
ALEX
Sorry
SYLVIA
Don’t apologize to me, apologize to
Helen Keller.
ALEX
Why?
SYLVIA
I’m not explaining that to you. I
will tell you, Helen Keller’s dead,
so you’ll have to go the Nationak
Cathedral to offer your apology.
ALEX
Okay, I don’t know--
SYLVIA
You didn’t know she was buried
there? Well thank goodness I was
here to tell you.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 36.
ALEX
What else are you going to tell me?
SYLVIA
Nothing, because I’m going to leave
very soon.
ALEX
Where are you going?
SYLVIA
No where
ALEX
But you’re leaving. You must be
going somewhere.
SYLVIA
I’m not in the mood for this. I’m
not answering you.
ALEX
Come on...
Sylvia doesn’t respond.
ALEX (CONT’D)
See this is where you’re supposed
to answer me, thus giving me the
upper hand in this situation.
Sylvia still doesn’t respond.
ALEX (CONT’D) CONTINUED
That’s how it usually works.
(Pause)
It’s cute. It’s funny. It’s
charming.
Sylvia remains unresponsive to Alex
ALEX (CONT’D) CONTINUED
What happened to you today?
Sylvia’s pizza is ready, she grabs it and exits the pizzeria
leaving Alex behind.
ALEX (CONT’D) CONTINUED
Break us are tough. Not all men--
37.
20 EXT. STREET- EVENING- CONTINUOUS
Sylvia, exits the pizza place and starts walking down the
street. As she starts to take a bite of pizza, A MOM,
standing with her SON and DAD addresses Sylvia.
MOM
Excuse me...excuse me...Miss
Sylvia turns and looks at the woman.
DAD
Would you be able to take our
picture? Please.
SYLVIA
What?
MOM
Would you take our picture?
SYLVIA
Your picture, of all of you?
MOM
Yes, we’re from out of town.
SYLVIA
Uh huh
DAD
Yes, we just wanted one photograph
of the three of us Somewhere.
SYLVIA
Um...
SON
Please.
SYLVIA
Okay...sure...wait, I have pizza.
The Dad hands Sylvia his phone.
MOM
Oh don’t worry, we can hold.
SON
I’ll hold it.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 38.
SYLVIA
But it’ll be in the picture.
DAD
That’s alright.
MOM
We like it. It’s very "New York".
SYLVIA
Uh huh
Sykvia hands her pizza to the Son.
SYLVIA (CONT’D)
Okay, let’s do this.
The family gathers close together. The boy drops the pizza
on the sidewalk. Sykvia looks shocked. The family looks
apologetic.
SON
Oops
MOM
Oh my gosh.
DAD
We’re so sorry.
SON
I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do
it. It was an accident.
SYLVIA
(To Son)
You just made a huge mistake with
your life! A huge mistake! And
maybe one day you’ll understand the
magnitude of this mistake. One
day...one day.
Sykvia hands the Dad his phone and Walks away down the
street. The family looks on as she walks away. Sykvia walks
down the street upset and exhausted.
21 INT. SYLVIA’S DORM ROOM- NIGHT
Sylvia sits on her bed in her pajamas (they’re the matching
traditional button down variety) reading a physics textbook.
She is a bit tense and on edge. The phone RINGS, she
answers.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 39.
SYLVIA
Hello
22 INT. MARGOT’S BEDROOM- NIGHT
Margot sits on her bed in her pajamas (also the matching
traditional button down variety).
MARGOT
Hello, I just wanted to see how you
were since the last time I saw you,
you know 12 hours ago.
INTERCUT--PHONE CONVERSATION
SYLVIA
Oh. Well, my friends surprised me
by breaking into my room, which is
against the rules, but it was a
very nice gesture and I appreciated
it; then, we studied for a while
and argued about puns. Then I went
to get pizza where I encountered a
man, whom I will describe as the
personification of raccoon vomit.
He treated me the way I imagine a
lounge singer might treat a martini
glass on a low rent cruise ship,
but my knowledge of the high seas
is limited to that one chapter of
Brideshead Revisited, so my
analysis may be flawed. After that,
a nice family asked me to take
their picture, and then I yelled at
their the kid.
MARGOT
I tried to unpack some of those
boxes, but it was upsetting; so I
went to the grocery store where I
ran into Diane and Calvin, whom as
you can imagine were their usual
"you should feel so honored we took
time away from looking at ourselves
in the mirror to talk about you,
not to you, right in front of you"
selves. Then I paid for the carrots
I ate while they were talking. I
ate dinner. I took Sid for a long
walk, and had to carry him home
because he thinks any walk over 10
blocks might as well be that big
spiritual journey across Spain. I
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 40.
MARGOT CONTINUEDwatched the pilot of Cheers again,
no Frasier, but Coach was there--I
really miss him. And now I’m
talking to you.
SYLVIA
Okay.
(thinking)
Coach really is an American
treasure
MARGOT
I know. What a guy!
SYLVIA
Everything I know about Albania I
learned from him.
MARGOT
Every time I see chrome I think of
him. And then I think about Sid,
because he’s afraid of chrome.
SYLVIA
His vanity really gets the best of
him at times.
MARGOT
Chrome is too foggy to see himself
clearly.
SYLVIA
At least he has a great
personality.
MARGOT
He does, and he knows it. I’m so
proud.
SYLVIA
Speaking of vanity, why are you
friends with Calvin and Diane?
MARGOT
I don’t know.
SYLVIA
Do you even like them?
MARGOT
I don’t know.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 41.
SYLVIA
What are the odds of us coming to
any sort of conclusion about this?
MARGOT
I don’t know.
SYLVIA
Then we’ll skip it.
MARGOT
Good. Do I need to put some lech in
a headlock for you?
SYLVIA
No. It’s handled.
MARGOT
Good, because that’s not really my
style. I prefer the eyebrow
take-down.
SYLVIA
It’s your specialty.
MARGOT
Well, it’s taken years of practice.
Don’t worry, you’ll get there.
SYLVIA
I can’t wait
MARGOT
Did you say you yelled at a kid?
SYLVIA
Yes
MARGOT
You yelled at a kid?
SYLVIA
I didn’t say it was my finest
moment.
MARGOT
What on earth are you yelling at a
kid about?
SYLVIA
He dropped my pizza.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 42.
MARGOT
Oh, that’s understandable
(pause)
Well, not really
(pause)
I get it. But don’t do that again.
SYLVIA
I won’t
MARGOT
Don’t worry about it. Kids these
days are too coddled anyway.
SYLVIA
Thank you. In my day if someone
called you a half blind rabies
infected wolf cub while playing
hopscotch, you just had to deal
with it.
MARGOT
(dryly)
I was just trying to make you feel
better about yourself...but I take
it back now.
SYLVIA
Thank you for your support.
MARGOT
You’re welcome. What are you doing
tomorrow?
SYLVIA
That’s a terrible segway.
MARGOT
I know. I wasn’t trying to make a
good segway.
SYLVIA
Oh, okay. I just know you love
transitional phrases.
MARGOT
I do love them, just not at this
time.
SYLVIA
Got it
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 43.
MARGOT
So, what are you doing tomorrow?
SYLVIA
Oh right. I have class, and a lab,
and then I have to work in the
other lab, and then I have studying
to do; I’ll probably eat at some
point, and then I think I’ll watch
Twin Peaks because it does amazing
things for my dreams.
MARGOT
Sounds like a plan.
SYLVIA
I hope so. You’re going to work
tomorrow?
MARGOT
Of course. I don’t have anything
else to do. I can’t go buy carrots
again, that was a disaster. I’m not
good at doing whatever it is people
do when they don’t work. What do
people do, walk down the street
wearing a coat, and look in store
windows? Or, you know eat lunch for
much longer than it takes to eat
lunch; going to the grocery store
when no one’s on line. Or, I’m sure
there are more, but I just don’t
know what they are.
SYLVIA
Yeah, go to work
MARGOT
(sincere)
It’ll be alright. I went right back
to work after your grandfather died
and it was fine.
SYLVIA
(sincere, but a bit timid)
Everything will be alright...I
think
MARGOT
I think too. We’ve done this
before.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 44.
SYLVIA
(with confidence)
We have.
MARGOT
Alright, we should go to bed.
SYLVIA
Okay. Good night.
MARGOT
(sudden realization)
You know the best puns are in the
Larry Gelbart seasons of MASH.
SYLVIA
Thank you!
MARGOT
Good night
SYLVIA
Wait! Have you seen Victoria?
MARGOT
Victoria?
SYLVIA
Yeah, I haven’t been able to find
her. I’ve looked everywhere. Maybe
she’s in one of those boxes.
Margot looks at Victoria the teddy bear, who is seated on
the bed next to her.
MARGOT
Uh, no I haven’t seen her. I’ll
look tomorrow.
SYLVIA
Okay, thanks. Good night.
MARGOT
Good night.
GOING TO BED MONTAGE
45.
23 INT. MARGOT’S BEDROOM- NIGHT
Margot hangs up the phone and looks at Sylvia
MARGOT
(to Victoria)
Shhhhh--don’t tell
Margot gets under the covers and holds Victoria. Sid and
Eliza jump up on the bed, and Margot turns out the light.
She stares at the ceiling, unable to sleep.
24 INT. SYLVIA’S DORM ROOM-NIGHT
Sylvia hangs up the phone. She climbs under the covers,
takes off her glasses, and turns out the light. She shifts
around a lot in bed, unable to sleep
25 INT. MARGOT’S BEDROOM- LATER
Margot sits up in bed with the light on. Sid and Eliza sleep
soundly. Margot starts reading next to Victoria the bear.
26 INT. SYLVIA’S DORM ROOM- LATER
Sylvia sits up in bed, reading. She stops reading, tries
blinking a few times to force sleep upon herself. It doesn’t
work. She keeps reading.
CUT TO BLACK