first articles ebook

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C o p y w r i t e T h e C o m e b a c k s h a n e @ t h e c o m e b a c k . c o m . a u

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A A S H 2011

A F EB

A R R S H T C

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Hi and Welcome to my eBook “The Comeback Articles”

I have written these articles over the past year and I’m so excited I can share them with you.

The Comeback articles are very special to me as unlike The Comeback Book they were

always written without a plan, no deadline I just wrote them when something came to

mind. It may have been something I watched on TV, or seen as I went shopping, it didn’t

matter something would just hit me in the heart and away I would write.

So for those that have read the book you will know and understand I write in a pretty raw

down to earth fashion. Well the Comeback Articles are that and more taking events that

have happened in my own life and looking at ways I moved them into Comebacks. Events

that covered relationships with family, friends, and lovers even Business.

I hope you enjoy the articles, there is no chapter or summary just the words and I hope they

let you understand more my passion and increase you desire for, “The Things that Matter

are The Things that Matter”

Big hugs and Love

Shane Hodge

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Article 1. The Heartbreak Comeback. The Green Star.

I was so proud of my Grasshopper drawing, I worked so hard on it and I thought for sure today was

my day, the day my drawing would be judged the best and I would get a gold star and next week I

could be the Drawing Monitor and get to place the Coloured Stars on other kids drawings. I had tried

so many times before but I had never been judged the “Best” but I felt sure this was my moment.

So many in the room had commented, “Hodgie” yours is the best you will win this time, and then the

moment of truth, the judge looked at my picture then looked at me and then out came the star and

she placed it on my grasshopper drawing, the star was green one less than Gold, I was seven years

old and I was heartbroken.

Forty five years later and that day is still a reminder to this old heart that sometimes it’s going to

suffer a bit of a tear. From the age of seven until my age now I have suffered more “green stars”

than I can remember but I have also had many sensational Gold Stars.

My Heartbreaks have come in all shapes and sizes, my heartbreaks have been spoken, written and

some have had nothing said at all. My Heartbreaks have been with lovers and loved ones, Career

and Corporate, winning and losing no matter what Heartbreaks I have suffered it always has the

same empty feeling and I’m sure you reading this article have had your own share of “Green Stars”

The Grasshopper Drawing? I took it home that day, I can remember I cried all the way home and the

crying continued until I was given one of the bandaids to a broken heart and that was a hug from my

Mum. The crying moved to sobbing, the sobbing moved to a shrug of the shoulders, the shrug

moved to the end of the day which then moved to sleep and dreams of bigger and better drawings

to get that “Gold” star.

You see the Heart is a pretty resilient piece of Gods handy work it can pump of 7000 Litres of Blood a

day around our body’s but it still has time to make sure we are chasing those Gold stars even after

we have gotten a green one.

The Heartbreak Comeback is the title for this series of articles and we will travel together along an

interesting path where I will share with you some of own heartbreaks and how I came back from

them and I hope you will enjoy them and never give up on letting the occasional Green Star get in

the way of your dreams of a Gold one. Until then I send you big bandaid hugs.

Shane

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Article 2. The Heartbreak Comeback. It’s ok to eat Chocolate..For a few days

Chicken soup is the answer when you have a cold, nothing beats lying back in a warm bed, under to

doona watching action movies and sipping nice hot Chicken soup. Well for a heartbreak? I think the

ultimate action for this moment of mourning can be summed up by one of my dearest friends who

split up with her partner of many years and when I asked her what she was going to do next she told

me “I’m going to lay in bed watch sad movies and eat Chocolate” Since that moment when people

ask me how to overcome a Broken Heart the first thing I tell them is find a great movie and eat some

chocolate for a couple of days.

Why do I say that? Well you will notice that I refer to this moment of a heartbreak as “Mourning”

well that’s what it is, something has died and you need to have a moment to take a deep breath, do

a little reflection maybe even get a little angry or just have a good old fashioned sook. It’s not just

limited to romantic heartbreaks; it could business heartbreak, sporting heartbreak all of them need

that Chocolate moment.

Now you will have so many people running up to you with awesome advice, “you will find better”

there’s “Always next Year” or “new Opportunities come along each day” and all of them are 100%

correct in what they say, but? Really bad choices can be made on the rebound!

When you have just ended something the emotions are running a little wild and that can cloud your

judgment, you can be driven by a little revenge or anger and that is not the “head” space to want to

be in when making a new choice of direction.

I know of friends that during that moment of heartbreak have tried to get over the mourning by

going on a shopping spree and fainting when they got the visa card bill a month later, I know of

friends that have grabbed hold of the first new likely “Suspect” for a relationship only to wake up a

little while later screaming “What have I done” when they realise that the new was most likely worse

than the old. I have seen business owners make investments into whatever crazy no hope scheme

they think will overcome the heartbreak only to find it was just a shocking waste of money and time.

Another dangerous place during the heartbreak phase is you can think all is going to be great and go

back for another “round” a quick reconciliation only to have your heartbroken all over again in quick

successions.

So what’s the answer? Take some time out, take some time to reflect on what you had, what it did,

how you feel and then look at where you’re going to go next. So when something has ended take a

drive to the nearest 7 Eleven stock up on some chocolate (maybe some tissues) sit in front of the TV

put on that favourite movie and reflect whilst you eat the yummy chocolate..For a few days.

Big Hugs and Love to you

Shane

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Article 3. The Heartbreak Comeback. The Sad Kid in the Corner

It was like a ritual, every Wednesday afternoon I would run around trying to keep up, struggling for

breathe and then I would go home, take the dirty boots from my bag and begin to polish and clean

them and with every stroke of the Brush I would keep thinking that tomorrow will be the day, after

the job was done I would put on my PJ’s jump into bed and dream about the excitement of the next

day.

I would wake up early in the morning, sit down to breakfast with my Dad and in between him

turning the pages of the morning paper I would say “It's my turn this week Dad, I have trained hard

this is my week, he would look up over the paper and smile and say “ Hope so Son”

I would then pick up my bag and make the ten minute walk to school and each step I would be

thinking today is the day, and then the moment came, The Notice Board.

There was crowd around it but I made my why to the front and there it was, I scanned from the top

and saw the “Usual Suspects” had made it, Forwards, Half Forwards, Center, Backs then at the

bottom of the page the final spots 19th and 20th man, my last chance and in the end no chance.

I was ten years old, I had trained hard week after week but my name had not made the Maidstone

Primary School Football team yet again, I was Heartbroken.

The terrible time would then continue as I coped with the taunting of this that had made the team,

the “Usual Suspects” that week in week out would be the heroes, the taunting would continue until

in a moment of anger I would burst into a little rage, the teacher would intervene and then I was

rewarded my position on the school team, The Sad Kid in the Corner.

You see back in the day I suffered from Asthma and the medication was not advanced as it is now,

no puffers and such so I couldn’t breathe as well as the “Usual Suspects” I didn’t have the ability to

have the same physical prowess that they had, but that didn’t stop me from giving it a go that didn’t

stop me from keeping the dream that one day I would graduate from the sad kid in the corner to the

19th or 20th Man.

Did I ever get to the coveted position in Primary school? Did I escape the Corner? NO, did I ever give

up on the dream? No. It took a few more years but finally the medical world gave me the chance, a

new medicine made it possible for me to break out of that corner and no longer be sad. It wasn’t on

the Football team and it was in High School but I still remember the feeling of crossing the line in the

100 meters final in first place whilst some of the ‘Usual Suspects” were behind me or watching from

the stands.

There are times past, present and in the future when we have or will be the sad kid sitting in the

corner, there will be times that we don’t make the Team and this can be heartbreaking, but what I

do know? Never give up on your dreams but?? Be prepared for an adjustment.

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Although my heart was set on it I didn’t make it as a footballer but I sure as well made it as a runner,

so if your got your heart set on one particular situation or circumstance and it’s not happening and

your starting to spend a bit too much time in the corner? Take the time to reacess the dream. Maybe

it doesn’t need to be changed maybe it’s just needs some adjustment, be open to making a change

and sooner than later you will be the smiling Kid at the front and the corner will be gone for good.


Shane

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Article 4. The Heartbreak Comeback. Busy Busy Bee

You know a Bee lives for around 21 days and during that time its busy busy, buzzing around

collecting pollen, helping to make honey. It doesn’t really sleep it just grabs a couple of minutes

“Shut Eye” and then off to work again. So the term “be as busy as a bee” is a good one, not that we

want to live on 21 days at the pace a bee does but the “Busy Bee” motto is where today’s

“Heartbreak Comeback” article is going to lead us.

Personal, Business, Health whatever the heartbreak we have had a bit of a sook and eaten some

chocolate whilst we watched some old movies, well now it’s time to open up the curtains, have a

shower change out of those Pj’s and get to being a “Busy Bee”

Now I know a lot of you out there will be thinking “I’m not ready” I need more time” well sorry

princess life has to go on, the world is waiting for you and most likely other people need you so cut

out that Busy Bee Picture at the top of the page stick it on the refrigerator and let’s get ready.

Does becoming a Busy Bee make you forget? Does it fix all the issues that you might have to face?

NO. But what it does do is stop the wallowing part of the Heartbreak Comeback, that part that can

see you slip back into eating chocolate and watching bad movies. The other benefit of being a Busy

Bee is it can stop you from the worst of results and that is slipping back into the situation that

caused your need for a Heartbreak Comeback in the first place!

Your “Heart Immunity” has not had time to grow so it’s easy to say yes to that “lets chat” drink, or

“lets have a coffee” “ Lets discuss it over dinner” and next thing you know your waking up or driving

home with that “Oh no what have a I done” feeling, and we don’t want that do we?

To build up our “Heart Break Immunity” we need time, we need to time to reflect, to think to really

assess that whole situation so we can decide if we want to have that drink or dinner, to decide if it’s

really 100% over and move on or out. We need this time so if we are 100% committed to moving on

either to find a new relationships or even a new job we can do that without falling back into old

comfortable situations, and we can do it with a new lease of life and excitement.

So what are you going to do be a little “Busy Bee” Well in my life of heartbreak comebacks and many

people I have spoken to, the “Busy Bee” time is the best opportunity to start some new hobbies or

get back into some old ones?

Go back or start at the Gym, take up tennis, play golf, join a cooking class all of these things will keep

you busy and have an added bonus, that being if you have decided it’s all over and your ready to

move on guess what? You may meet someone new or even new opportunities for Work and life may

be introduced to you.

So, up, up and away; time to build up that Heart Immunity, get busy like a bee.

Big Hugs and Love to you. Shane

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Article 5. The Heartbreak Comeback. Square Peg Moment

I can remember like it was yesterday, there she was, massive curly red hair, beautiful, and oh my god

could she dance and when I was in my teens that was basically the idea of perfect for me. Slowly I

summoned up the courage and walked over to her and began to chat, it was about two minutes into

the conversation when I should have realised we had a problem, but I was awestruck by her beauty

and must have missed the signs but the facts were we had nothing in common, oh well I thought it

will take time, sooner than later we will find common interest.

I persisted we continued to go out, try this try that always giving in to her whims, eating food I

couldn’t stand, watching movies I hated, but wow she was so beautiful and boy could she dance.

IT didn’t really hit me until the big day when I would introduce her to my parents, we were having a

BBQ and I invited her, I was so excited as I introduced her to all my family and some friends the

funny thing was I really didn’t feel the same excitement coming back from those I introduced her to,

the penny dropped when I said to my Mother, “Wow isn’t she beautiful” and my mother replied “Yes

but dumb”

That moment (Mums are good at making that happen) I looked at her with different eyes I was lucky

there was no music so I couldn’t be blinded by her dancing! And I realised “What do I really see in

her” so on the way home I asked her what she liked about me and she replied” Your A Good

Dancer” we never saw each other again.

Now this relationship lasted a grand total of a couple of weeks so there was not so much collateral

damage, but I have known and moreover I see it every single day where people spend not two

weeks but sometime years in a relationships knocking each other’s heads against a brick wall trying

to achieve the impossible, and what’s that? “Trying to fit a Square Peg into a Round Hole”

You see there are some relationships that are just not meant to be, you can try as hard as you want,

make and bend in so many areas, do what I did eat food you hate go to movies you don’t like, listen

to music you can’t stand but sooner or later the truth has to hit and bingo your trying to put that peg

into a hole that it just not made for.

Now what’s this got to do with heartbreak Comebacks? Well apart from the fact that the topic can

be a huge conversation all by itself, this Square Peg scenario is a direct link with what we are talking

about in this series Coming Back from heartbreaks. For some strange reason The Square Peg Round

Hole scenario can be a major problem when we are working toward a Heartbreak Comeback so I’m

preparing you in advance, you want to be saved way before you get your Mum or a close friend

giving you the “What were you thinking” talk.

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In the last article I mentioned that it’s a good idea to be a Busy Bee and start a new hobby or interest

the worst thing is to make the Hobby a “Human” But I see it, Old Guy finds Young Gal, Old Gal finds

Young Boy and vice versa on all, mad creative fashion guru thinks Miss or Mr. plain dull and boring

will change their life, Fitness crazy Momma finds fat and lazy papa and believes all is going to Gym

and dandy all these scenarios have the major disastrous ingredients of Square Peg Round Hole

Syndrome and sadly it in most cases has a sad ending and that is “What was I thinking Moment” and

it can be a short or long term in coming but I can assure you it will.

So if you’re about to embark on the Busy Bee path in your Comeback from Heartbreak moment and

a “human” project crosses your path? Even though they be a great dancer, maybe huge muscles,

could be rich and famous ask the big qualifying question? Take a moment and a deep breath and

look in the mirror and ask yourself “Is this a Square peg moment?


Shane

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Article 6. The Heartbreak Comeback. New and Improved

I love those ads they have on late night TV that show a product and the announcer is yelling in

between lots of fast product photos “ Its New”, “Its Improved” “ Upgraded” all makes me really

excited I just want to grab the phone and make an order. New and Improved is something that can

make a buyer so excited about having the latest and greatest, you only have to take a look at the I

phone, wow every single time that gets changed to a “New Improved” model people line up for days

just to get the greatest whilst the old model looks a little lost when you bring it out and sit it on the

bar next to all your friends with the latest and greatest.

Everybody wants the latest of anything; it really makes you feel a little special for a while doesn’t it?

So what’s this got to do with Heartbreak Comebacks?

Glad you asked that question, a strange thing happens sometimes when we have a Heartbreak, we

go through the process of eating chocolate, having a bit of a sook, get moving like a busy bee and

then one day when all seems ok we think we are ready to open ourselves up. We believe the

grieving time is over and it’s about time we looked at maybe letting another person or another job

into our lives as we believe we are happy now, we are over it and it’s not going to happen again this

time, or will it? The strange thing I was talking about? Well often what you think won’t happen

again, does just that, what just sent our heart to the tissue hospital all of a sudden turns up again

with a new box of Kleenex hidden behind its back!

There’s an old saying, “Don’t look behind unless you want to go that way” but how come we tend to

keep looking back? So maybe when looking for a new friend or job maybe we need to look at “new

and Improved” not only of them but of ourselves.

I have seen it many times, boy or girl meet at club, break up with girl/boy and then boy/girl go back

to same club to find new boy/girl and what happens? Episode 2 of Heartbreak. Could be any sort of

relationship or Job if you going to go over the same old same old you will most likely get the same!

So what’s the Comeback have to advise on this? How to avoid another edition of Heartbreak

Comeback? “New and Improved” Find yourself some new places, new people new opportunities

they say a change is as good as a holiday so take a holiday. While you’re at it do the same with

yourself, give yourself a New and Improved treat, have a hair change, clothes change, change

something in your life as that will also attract all sorts of different people and places to your life as

well.

So got to work right now, change that profile Picture on face book, do a spring clean of the house,

make a booking at the Hair Salon and look forward to the “New and Improved” as you check out that

Club on the “other” side of town, or a totally different career.


Shane

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Article 7. The Heartbreak Comeback. Disappointment

Heartbreak is not always a matter of boy meets girl, boy or girl strike trouble, boy or girl eats

Chocolate watch sad movies overdoes on tissues. Heartbreak can come about through many

different events and actions, all it needs as the catalyst is that you have given your all to something

and then all of a sudden it is taken away.

You often see athletes that have trained for years for an event such as the Olympics, its only held

every four years and you get that one chance, they train so hard sacrifice so much and then in a

moment sometimes a split second the moment is gone and the massive heartbreak of

disappointment sets in, to watch the pain on their faces is a terrible thing and you sometimes

wonder will they quit and never face that moment again, but something strange happens and after

most likely a chocolate/movie time they will pick themselves up dust themselves off and start to

train all over again to prepare themselves for that event again in another four years.

I can remember watching the Chinese hurdler at the Beijing Olympics, he had one the world title and

Olympic gold medal and now it was his moment in front of hundreds of millions of his countryman to

finally achieve the greatness of an Olympic Gold medal in his own country. In a split second that

dream was shattered as he crashed through the first hurdle, to see him lying on the ground I

wondered which pain was greater, the pain of a shattered Achilles tendon or the pain of a

Heartbreak Disappointment?

The question must be asked is the process of a broken heat from a loved one or the ability to get

over a massive disappointment the same? Well in my own life I have felt the pain in both and I know

that my Comeback from those is actually exactly the same.

A sporting disappointment, Business failure a love lost all are tough as in all we give the things that

are so precious to us, we give our time, our feelings and we give them all at greater than 100% and

that is why we suffer such great loss.

The most important thing to focus on with any of these heartbreaks? It will get better, you will have

another chance even though at the time it seems impossible, even at the time you honestly don’t

feel you can ever give a 100% again.

I honestly feel that we can write pages and pages of words of wisdom on the ways, process,

methods the magic “key “of getting over a heartbreak but the best advice I have been given comes

from a strange source. In the movie Rocky, Sylvester Stallone is trying to explain how to get over

disappointment to his son and he makes the following statement.

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very

mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep

you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gunna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about

how hard you hit.

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It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep

moving forward”If you had to ask me the key to getting over a Heartbreak and making a Comeback?

That paragraph pretty sums it up.

So after eating Chocolate and watching movies, getting busy as a bee, avoiding fitting a square peg

in a round hole which are some of the things we have discussed in this article series I suggest you

read what Sly Stallone wrote, pick yourself up look in the mirror and repeat after me. “ This Moment

is not going to beat me, I’m not going to let it” and then take a big deep breath and go and enjoy life

and look forward to filling your heart with new love, whatever or whoever it may be.


Shane

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Article 8. The Heartbreak Comeback. The Pain of Forgiveness

She was my first true Love, I can still remember the day I met her the tingle it sent along my spine

when I noticed that smile that little laugh, her short black hair. Yes I had a few girlfriends but I never

had “That” feeling when I had first met somebody. I was 18 and she was 17, and over the next six

months she made understand why and how people write love songs. Even at my early age and even

though she was in her last year of high school , she was the one that I believed God had sent to be

my lifelong soul mate.

We talked on the phone as often as we could, met each other every day except Wednesday

afternoons as she had a time at school that carried through till late, so that became the day we

didn’t see each other and I would be so excited to see the sun rise the next day.

At the last month of her school year they had the traditional ball and I was invited, she looked so

wonderful in her Gown I was so excited to say to her classmates “That’s the Love of my life” One of

her teachers came up and introduced himself, a good looking man, tall and appeared to have a nice

personality he asked her for a dance, she smiled took his hand and went on to the dance floor and

then it happened, that tingle that had ran along my spine only six months before? Came back but it

had a feeling that was not of love, it also had a “Knowing” but it was not of security.

When they danced, the way he held her, the way they looked into each other’s eyes, the way they

giggled and when she accidently placed her head on his shoulder then realised and quickly lifted it

away, the closeness of the dancing, I was looking not at a teacher and a student, In my heart I was

looking at two people who were lovers.

The drive home was quiet and when we arrived at her house she asked me what was wrong, I told

her the feelings I had felt at the dance and her head dropped, tears began to fall from her eyes and

then she told me my feelings were true. The Wednesday afternoons for the past two months were

not for study they were to spend time with “him”.

I don’t know what hurt most, watching them dance, watching her walk alone back into her house or

knowing that Love had left the car and was quickly being replaced with anger.

I drove home so fast, I slammed doors, I refused to talk with Mum and Dad and just stormed into my

room and fell on my bed, sobbing and smashing the pillow at the same time the words I Love You

that would fall out of mouth each time I saw her with replaced with “I hate Her” with each thought I

had of her.

For days she would call my home and for days I would not answer, her parents even visited mine and

begged me to at least meet with her and try and sort the whole thing out, but I would not even

mention her name, she had ripped my heart out and no way on earth would I ever forgive her.

For the next year I was an angry man, I would not even consider a date let alone a relationship with

another as my level of trust of women was almost nonexistent and then it happened.

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It was almost a year I had just finished shopping at the local Mall and was reversing my car out of the

car space, checking my rear mirror I saw her, I dint know if she had seen me but for some reason I

decided to get out of my car and approach her. It was the strangest moment, two people just

looking for a moment that seemed like a lifetime not saying a thing and then the words “How are

you” fell out of my mouth as did her “I’m fine” The ice was broken and we talked for a little longer

until we decided the car park should be replaced by a Cafe and Coffee.

We sat and spoke for a hour, she told me that the teacher affair only lasted till she left school, she

had tried to go out with others but it was tough, I told her the same and then strangely I felt a need,

I looked into her eyes held her hand and said “You hurt me so bad, but I forgive you” we hugged. I

went my way she went hers and thirty three years have passed. I have loved more than I can

remember, some good some sensational some a disaster, I have had my heart broken several times

but none had the impact of the first love, yes I had forgiven but god it was painful.

What I have learnt is that forgiveness is possible; the only difference is the level of hurt that we

suffer in the initial heartbreak? Tends to create the time frame of the forgiveness. What I have also

learnt is that Forgiving is wonderful but Not Forgetting can also have its advantages as it can be used

as a sensational alarm system to make sure we don’t make some of the mistakes that can lead to

heartbreak.

What do I know? If you have gone down the path of NO forgiveness the road will be a long and

damaging and the journey will have little joy. If you decide to take a road that has forgiveness as one

of its exits? The trip will have a happy ending.

A heartbreak is a tough thing that I will not deny it can in some cases feel close to death but we

don’t need to arrange a funeral for our lives by sticking to a total attitude of Non Forgiveness as it

will slowly but surely eat you away, it will deny you of what could be potentially a partner or

experience that will overwhelm you far more than the one that you hold in a bitter heart.

So as we come to the end of this Heartbreak Comeback series if I could leave you with one thing that

will make a major difference in you Comeback life it would be that no matter how hard, how tough,

how damaged you may feel sooner than later, give it up, end the bitterness. Write a letter, make a

call, send an SMS whatever it takes, have the biggest whinge say what you feel, be sad or angry but

in the end, when you sign off? Do it with three little words, I FORGIVE YOU.


Shane

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Article 1. Relationship Espionage

I love watching old black and white movies, Gangster Movies; War Movies love them all but my

favourites? The Old spy movies, nothing like a bit of “Espionage” cloak and dagger to get you all

excited whilst you’re eating the microwave popcorn.

In these old movies you see men and women playing spies that steal secrets from Governments and

Companies, lie and cheat, destroy organisations and in the next scene they will be acting like

Gentlemen or Super sweet innocent ladies so be you would love to invite them home to meet your

Mum and Dad!

If we take a read of Wikipedia, we will find that Espionage involves people called Spy’s and their

main job is to find information to destroy an organisation or Government and one of the most

effective ways to compile information about an enemy (or potential enemy) is by infiltrating the

enemy's ranks

So the question? What’s Espionage got to do with Comebacks? Well I’m glad you asked that

question as it will be the subject of this series of articles, “Relationship Espionage”

Not all relationships end up in disaster otherwise we would not have Pearl and Silver wedding

anniversaries, and not all relationships that end in divorce end in total warfare, the majority are all

quite nice, but you see “some” relationships become victims of several forms of “Relationship

Espionage” One could start off all sweet and innocent with a Spy making moves on unsuspecting

party, slowly but surely finding out the inner secrets, building strong, intimate and creating bonds

with all parties involved, then boom “Divorce” But that’s not the Relationship Espionage I want to

cover in this series, the version I want to cover is the deep undercover espionage one that can cause

long term broad damage to all parties, the spy in this style of espionage is commonly referred to as

“The New Partner” and they are very clever and hard to spot at first, they work slowly and

methodically and before you know it? Damage is done.

The “Spy” can appear at any time, as I wrote in the previous paragraph they can be the initial reason

for a relationship bust up, or they can appear after the fact. They have one important ingredient that

must be present for them to begin an operation and that ingredient is “Children”

So how does this spy work? What is the normal mode of operation? You will find that initially they

will be loving, interested, supportive even caring, you would think that the Children that are part of a

broken relationship were actually there’s they will be so nice. They will promote you to spend time,

play be a part of your children’s lives but don’t be fooled its part of the espionage act and sooner

than later the real mode of operation will surface, keep in mind what the role of the spy? “Compile

information about an enemy (or potential enemy) by infiltrating the enemy's ranks” Who is the

enemy in this relationship espionage? Anybody that was part of the partner’s former life including

their children!

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The goal of this spy is to have you all to themselves, for you and them to begin a whole new life

without any distraction of your former self. Yes they will tell you and most likely show you how

accepting they are but in reality that is just a smokescreen to gain your confidence so they can

compile the information they need to destroy their enemy.

Ok, that was the opening credits to this Comeback Movie called “Relationship Espionage” and it

sounds as little scary so before you go and look in the wardrobe of your “New Partner” and see if

you can find a dark coat, hat and sunglasses and search for hidden microphones! Let me remind you

not all new partners are “Relationship Espionage” specialists, not all new partners wake in the

morning plotting and planning to make the enemies life a misery, but some are and what we want to

concentrate on in this series of articles is how to deal with those partners, how to put things in place

to make sure that our lives are “Spy” free zones.

So I hope you enjoyed that opening and look forward to sharing more with you on “Relationship

Espionage” in the coming weeks, until then I send you big hugs and Love.

Shane

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When I was a kid I used to love Mad Magazine especially the antics of SPY vs. SPY these two guys one

black and one white spent their whole time trying to find ways to destroy the other, they would try

and get one or the other to believe all was safe and sound so they could get them into a situation

where they could basically blow them up, every month there would be a new cartoon showing one

or the other plotting an planning to do damage and this went on for years. Each one was not

successful as they kept appearing in each new episode and would have another shot at making each

other’s life a misery.

Relationship espionage can sometimes look a little like the antics of Spy vs. Spy, and can also be as

dumb! There can sometimes be a bit of SPY vs. SPY between new and old partners, old and new

families, even old and new kids! the plotting and planning can be a daily ritual, and the bombs they

use could be phone calls, SMS, Face book (they use face book sometimes as the weapon of mass

destruction I tell you) family gatherings all sorts people and places, but most end up with the same

result, a few cuts and bruises of emotions and then the games is over, sleep time and in the morning

it starts all over again.

You have to ask yourself how this can be stopped. I mean unless you totally enjoy the pain and

suffering there is no good reason at all for you and others to live a life ruled by the SPY vs. SPY

attitude. I see and hear of new partners that from the moment they wake until the moment they

sleep they perform a nonstop barrage of “Things have to Change” or “I’m your new family now”

“You have to let go” all sorts of emotional water boarding.

Well in my book The Comeback, I talk about these things in the very first chat; I call it the DHL or

Department of Human Lies! Because all those barrages I mentioned in the last paragraph are DHL’s

they are Lies, but we tend to live them, we tend to promote and prosper them we allow them to

become the energy that guarantees a SPY vs. SPY lifestyle, but there is a solution to this life of DHL.

The Mirror!

When faced with a SPY vs. SPY moment? Go and look in the mirror and ask yourself the question,

how do you really feel about that? Now unless you totally enjoy this style of mental torture I can

guarantee that the answers that come back from the face in the mirror will be “ I hate it”, “Cant

Stand it”, “ I’m miserable”, “Gotta be a better way”, “ I can’t live like this anymore”, well guess

what? It’s the truth; it’s the FEDEX of your life that's coming back at Ya, what’s FEDEX? Feelings,

Emotions, Desires, Experience and Xcuses (By the way its chat two in The Comeback Book)

Most likely though unless a Bomb finally explodes in your SPY vs. SPY life you will turn away from the

mirror and go back to the battle, I mean the suffering of a DHL does seem to be easier sometimes

than facing the FEDEX of life, it must be true as so many people continue to live it, but this article

and my book has nothing to do with continuing both are all about changing so the question on the

tip of your lips will be? HOW.

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Well, let me tell you first up, a DHL life is easy and depressing, a FEDEX life is tough but oh so

rewarding however it does involve an initial few moments of pain as you will have to take action and

that is what will cause some pain.

My recent article’s have discussed how to make sure this lifestyle doesn’t happen in a start up after

a bust up relationship, but in this case we have to assume you didn’t get a chance to read those and

your SPY vs. SPY life has really gotten hold of you and those around, you can’t take it anymore and

you need a change or a cancellation!

Well the great news? That session you just had in front of the Mirror opens up the door to great

possibilities and the even better news? It can be done, you can kick the SPY vs. SPY life to the kerb

and live again without having to look over your shoulder, watch your every word and put a password

on your phone.

How? First of all you must convince yourself this lifestyle your now in was not always that way, ok

so you separated/divorced whatever, your with a new partner and what started off as all Chocolates

and roses has now turned to Relationship espionage and you’re not a happy camper. The key is

contained in what I just wrote, IT DIDNT START THAT WAY.

You see that’s the secret of all Comebacks, they are not goals; they are resurrections, think about it?

The relationship you may now find you’re in, would you have gotten into that in the first place if you

knew it was going to be like this? NO, so if it was good once it has the potential of a Comeback to its

original greatness or the potential to be forgotten and final, the great thing? When you decide to

make a Comeback is that you will look at situations and circumstances with HONSETY and that’s the

best way to make a decision.

So, where are we at? How can we get rid of this SPY vs. SPY lifestyle we have found ourselves stuck

in? First of all, be honest, do you really, can you really continue to live this way? If yes, sorry you’re a

sick puppy and you deserve the pain and suffering, but if the answer is NO like 99% of the people in

your position, you can now move past go and be on your way to the honesty step, be honest in how

you really want your life to be, describe how your life will be without the Relationship Espionage

controlling it as remember it didn’t do that before, the SPY vs. SPY life was made from situations,

circumstances introduced along the way, and in my next article we will take a peek how we can

cancel the Invitation to these party poopers and enjoy our Comeback.

I hope you enjoyed this article, until next time, I send you Big Hugs and Love.

Shane

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A few good men is one of my favourite movies and the final scene between Jack Nicholson and Tom

Cruise where Tom Cruise demands the truth and Jack Nicholson screams out, “You Can’t handle the

truth” is brilliant, this one line of an incredible movie has become a famous comeback line when a

person asks another, “Tell me the truth”, Truth? Well that’s the key to getting on top of Relationship

espionage, and my final article in this series but the question is, Can you handle the truth?

If we lined a bunch of couples up and we put them in different rooms and asked them individually if

they really enjoyed all this trouble that relationship espionage can cause? I will guarantee the

answers will be a resounding “No” yet when they leave the room and then go back to domestic

warfare it would appear in reality it’s a majority YES. The TRUTH takes the next exit on the highway

of hell and its back to the games that none of us enjoying playing.

Well the TRUTH? I can write article upon article of not using Children as pawns, relationship

espionage, trials and tribulations of Marriage breakups. I know in my own Comeback I was searching

for the truth and you are the same, but let’s cut to the chase as I will get sore fingers if I type too

much! What we really need and want is an answer to the situation we are in but the fact is? “Can

you handle the truth”

The first truth? It’s over, yep once you have decided that the love has gone and there is no way of

getting back together, its game over yes it’s sad, there can be no forward movement if you’re

constantly involved in “what if” thinking as you will always have an underlying agenda in all that you

do, there will be no truth in your actions as in reality your just being a double agent. One part of you

will be working towards making sure that a plan of action is in place to not let the kids become

pawns in the separation game but the other side of you will be acting on ways and means to get the

other back, Truth cannot exist in a double agent game.

The second truth is? You have to accept that the other party involved in this breakup may now love

another, it hurts its shocking at times but unless you can handle that truth? It will open the doors for

bitterness, anger and jealousy to be invited to the stage and totally disrupt any chance of winning

the war on relationship espionage.

The third truth? “IT is as it is” If you have children and your relationships fails no matter what you

think you and your ex partner are still and always will be parents and you have a lifelong

responsibility that goes with that, the role of Parent is totally separate from the role of partner as is

the responsibilities, when a relationship fails it’s the end of partner role and the associated

responsibility that came with it.

Fourth truth? The new partners you may have now take on all the associated responsibility of that

role and they also like it or not have a responsibility to support you in the existing role as parent.

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Fifth Truth? When relationships bust up and kids are involved, there will be trauma the extent of

that trauma relies a lot on the ability and willingness of the parents to face the truth and work

together to handle it.

So, after reading all the truths, can you handle them?

There is no magic wand in making sure that we can end a relationship and keep the roles of parents

and the kids as adjusted, like all drama and trauma in life it’s a simple case of ‘Common Sense” and

acting like grownups that will make things work. People, spend thousands of dollars sometimes

hundreds of thousands on lawyers and therapists to try and make it all bright and rosy when all they

have to do is face up, grow up and handle the truth. You have to be strong, especially with new

partners, you must take the truth, draw the big long line in the sand from day one and say “I’m a

parent and that is a responsibly I cannot walk away from” You must be assured that the new

partners understands and totally commit to supporting you in that role, as the truth is what will set

you free. Why freedom? I have seen it and time and time again where this “parent” truth is not

explained and set in stone, and what do you get? Pain and suffering, trying to keep the peace, trying

to make everybody happy, well wake up sunshine it can’t happen and that’s the truth, if you want to

live a life of pain and suffering try being a fence sitter, try and shirk the role responsibility and that I

guarantee how you will end up, in pain. The drama that most people leave another person for in the

first that you fought so hard to get out of. Place will rise again in the next relationship pretty quickly

and you will be living a life once again

So the key to making sure those kids are not treated as Pawns? The key to getting rid of relationship

espionage? The key to making sure that bitterness and anger don’t get invited to be the major player

in this Comeback?

Truth should not be an exit; it should be the on ramp! The entrance, the beginning, when all

Comebacks are driven by truth you will be set free.

I hope you enjoyed this series of articles; I want send you hug’s and pray that you succeed in this and

many Comebacks in life, and that happiness they bring.

Sending you Big Hugs and Love

Shane

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Article 1. The Business Comeback. Your own Business Dream or Nightmare?

Back in the day it was the dream of every young man and women (to keep the politically correct

happy?) to go and work for somebody else to get enough money to one day establish their own

business, then build a nice home, marry a partner have a family and then pass the business on to the

kids. Ah what a dream but sadly the dream can turn pretty quickly to a nightmare when you look at

the facts. What are the facts? 50% of new business start ups will fail in the first year of operation,

and in five years another trend kicks in and the percentage is even higher.

Ok that’s the last statistics you will get from me as I find them way to depressing, but it’s a fact that a

lot of really enthusiastic people not only back in the day but even now hold that “Own” business

dream and sadly become part of that 50%.

I had my own share of that dream and had some winners and losers along the way and what I will be

doing in this series of articles is sharing “The Comeback” perspective on things that I and others have

done to make sure we can avoid being a part of that 50% statistic and look forward to the house and

family part of the dream rather than selling the house and sending the kids out to work nightmare.

Before I move into this series of articles I have to cover a pretty important point, I write, talk and

make Videos about Comebacks, now the whole point of a Comeback is that you were successful

once before, had a spot of bother and now want to put actions and processors in place to be back up

there and once again wear the Championship belt. These Articles will be just about that subject, they

are not articles on how to start a new business there are plenty of other books and DVD’s out there

on that subject, so now we have that “Disclaimer” out of the way let me move on.

The fist chat in The Comeback Book discusses a concept called DHL which stand s for: Department of

Human Lies, and when we are looking at a Comeback it’s the first step we must take. Now I call it the

Department of lies as usually the one thing that holds back a Comeback is just that we tend to lie

about the reality of the situation. Let me give you an example, a lot of business will be on their way

to disaster, debt collectors knocking at the door but the owners will be saying “ Yep it’s all gunna be

good soon” or a new restaurant will open and day upon day the place is full of empty tables and the

owners will be looking outside saying “yep soon the word will get out and we will be full” The list

could go and on but in Comebacks” We need to live by the truth as that’s what will set us free, so to

begin this process we have to face the facts that things are not going to well and it’s about time we

do something or join the unemployment line and this truth brings me to an important point. Let me

state again Comebacks must have some form of success back in the day to be effective. I’m a realist,

and as you will read over the coming weeks I’m pretty tough, there is some business just like some

relationships they were a bad idea from the start, when you look at the truth this point may come

up. I see it every day, a business opens up on the “good Idea” principle but without the “market

research” and Bingo you got people trying to sell Indian food in a Chinese Neighbourhood because

the rent was cheap! A lot of Vindaloo will be dumped in the trash (I personally love Vindaloo so

open one near my place)

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You see a lot of great dreams become nightmares not because of bad management or lack of capital,

they fail because they were a bad idea in the first place, Comebacks cannot help these, I’m sorry

about that but I needed to get that point set in concrete or else you would not read the rest of my

articles.

Now that we have gotten the fact of “the truth will set you free” we have set the scene for the series

of articles I will be writing on Business Comebacks, I hope you enjoyed this one I’m really excited

about this subject so until the next article in a couple of days is done I send you hugs and wish you

success in whatever Comeback in life you strive for.

Sending You Big Hugs and Love

Shane

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Article 2. The Business Comeback. Somewhere over the Rainbow

I love a big huge rainy day, lots of thunder and lightning it’s a wonderful cleaning system of nature,

but the best part of a huge rainstorm happens only sometimes and is so special when you see it,

what is it? A Rainbow, so beautiful as it reaches across the sky so many mystical things have been

written about Rainbows, pots of gold at the end of them fame and fortune if you wish upon them

but my favourite story is the reason I’m told they happen. If you read the story about Noah and the

Ark? Well Noah went through some pretty nasty stuff before he got on the boat filled with lots of

Animals, then he went through forty days and forty nights of the biggest rain, wow can you imagine

how rough the sea was? All that time of going up and down with huge waves and not to mention the

smell of all the animal doo doo! It would have been so tough.

When the time was up and Noah and his crew were recovering from really bad sea sickness I

suspect, God stopped the rain and made a promise to Noah that he would never let this happen

again and he sent Noah a gift as a sign of his promise, “A rainbow” So when I see a rainbow? To me

that’s a sign to remember that tough times are gone and good times are on the way,

So your business may have faced a storm found things a little tough but we have to believe that

somewhere over the rainbow the skies are going to be blue. Now a Comeback is all about getting

back and better than where you have been before, so when chatting about a Business Comeback we

have to understand that a little while ago things were great, maybe a perfect storm has just gone

through and things have had a little damaged but now we going to clean up the storm damage, be

inspired by the rainbow and get on with our Business Comeback. So how?

Well once a storm has passed the first thing people do is what? Yep they all sit around together and

have a real good cry, and that’s a good thing as I have done it to, but the next step is pick yourself up

dust yourself off and realise we are going to start again, we are going to have an awesome

Comeback.

Now take a real good look at the damage, and open and honest assessment of where things stand,

what you can salvage to help you restore, repair your business. Have you still got customers? Do

you still have stock? Do you still have credit? These things and more are the things you can salvage

to rebuild and have a business Comeback after a storm the next step is to realise that maybe you

can’t do this alone, yes you did build it in the past but maybe you need to make it a little more

structurally sound because I guarantee you another storm will someday pass your way and we want

to make sure that we are totally prepared and bigger and stronger so the next one does not have the

same damaging effect. So my next piece of advice? Just like people would seek the council of a

structural engineer, Seek advice from someone you trust, preferably someone in an industry or

business like yours who has built his or her business back up after a storm, chances are they will

have encountered and overcome the exact problem after the storm you just faced.

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Now before you go thinking “I can’t do that” let me say one thing I have found over the years and

after many Comebacks in all sorts of things, People love to give advice and most of time will do it for

free, all you have to do is ask. Sit down with them, ask questions, and take notes as the experience

and advice you gain cannot be found in a lot of books.

So, you have shed some tears, cleaned up the mess, sought advice from a trusted experienced

advisor and you will be on your way to the next step in your business Comeback, and that will be

taking a good look at what’s been lost in the storm and ways and means of replacing it and that will

be the subject of the next article. Until then remember that Comebacks are possible and with a little

hard work new success is just over the rainbow.


Shane

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Article 3. The Business Comeback. Breathe

Flying is a great thing, I love it and each time I get on a plane it’s always the same routine after all

these years and countless miles not just by me but for anybody that has flown in a plane. Just as

they are taxing down the runway the flight attendants stand in the aisle and proceed to demonstrate

what to do in an emergency. Whilst this is going on I must admit I always think to myself that if

anything did go wrong all that stuff they are telling us will go flying out the door mass panic would

take over and it would be a mess, but we need to know. One particular point of that safety

demonstration always gets me, that’s the part when they tell you that if you’re traveling with infants

and there is a sudden; loss of cabin pressure and the oxygen makes drop? Put the mask on yourself

first then your child!

Think about it, make total sense that if you having trouble breathing not much good can be done by

a screaming toddler so it’s a great idea to look after yourself first as you can achieve so much more,

this “safety Demonstration” brings me to the point of this article.

BREATHE.

So Ok, things have gone a little sideways in the business ( or backwards) and its tough, maybe you

have debt collectors knocking at your door, customers have gone elsewhere, the building just burnt

down whatever the problem is after the initial assessment? BREATHE.

You will be no good to yourself, you won’t be able to think straight my recent articles will be a waste

of time and less you stop and take a deep breath. Now that could mean you need to walk away from

the possible carnage for a minute a day maybe a week but it’s important that you take a time out, to

breathe so as to energize yourself for the time ahead.

Instead of having a toddler sitting next to you on a plane you will have staff, suppliers, customers

maybe the bank all looking at you, all waiting for you to tell them how you’re going to fix the

problem, how you’re going to rebuild the business, what are your plans and just like on the plane it’s

not going to be a wonderful outcome if you pass out first from a lack of oxygen!

So even though it’s your natural instinct to save the “Toddler” and yes the business toddlers will be

ranting and raving and panicking but, Stop and walk away and it’s amazing how you will look and act

about things when you have had that moment to Breathe.

So from you Comeback Captain, we hope you enjoy the flight and look forward to the next

destination Article 4. Until then sit back, take a moment relax and enjoy the in-flight service.

Sending you Big Hugs and Love from Shane

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Article 4. The Business Comeback. Sometimes the GPS lies.

In my last article I wrote about taking to time to “Breathe” some people might choose to go a drive

to make that happen, take in some new sites, breathe some fresh country air all helping you to get

over a little time of trouble and focus on the Business Comeback you’re looking for. Driving is such a

great pleasure and in the past few years it’s been made a lot easier to find your way as you drive in

what can sometime be “Unfamiliar Territory! Yep a great invention called the GPS has taken a lot of

the guess work out of finding our way around our local areas in fact they can used to find your way

around any place on earth, an incredible piece of equipment.

I love the way it talks to you as your driving down the freeway or in the middle of city, “Turn Left in

500 Meters” “turn right in 100 meters” “ You have reached your destination” all spoken with the

nicest sweetest voice, but sometimes? The GPS Lies.

If you’re in a new area that is basically uncharted, those GPS machines can send you on the wildest

ride of your life, it all depends on the software that’s installed, if you have an older version sooner or

later the sweet sounding voice coming from the machine will drive you mad as you drive into

another dead end or find out you have been driving around in circles for the last hour.

When we have had a problem in our business, when things have not gone according to plan, when

we find ourselves facing a dead end or have been driving round in circles it may just be that the GPS

driving our business didn’t have the latest software upgrade!

So what is the GPS of our business? Business Plans, Process, Procedures maybe we have had the

same program for so many years and whilst we have been trying to find our way with that a whole

new marketing suburb has grown up around us, maybe a whole new population of customers with

changing needs has appeared that wasn’t there before. Maybe new factories have sprung up

offering bigger, better and cheaper products and we have missed all that direction as we have been

using the same old software and the GPS of business has lied to us?

The great thing is? Maybe the GPS we have been using is still great it’s the software than needs

upgrading and it can be the same with your business Comeback. We may need to just to look at

changing or upgrading the program, by revisiting and adjusting our business plan, implementing new

process and procedures, hiring some new staff, getting new Ideas, and that’s going to be a lot easier

to do after you have taken the time out for a breather.

So for this part of your Business Comeback don’t get angry that you may have been given the wrong

directions and ended far away from “Success Street” just keep in mind it you may just need to

upgrade the software not buy a new machine!

Big Hugs and Love from Shane

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Article 5. The Business Comeback. Hiding under the Covers

I love my two little Jack Russell pups they are so much fun, they run around all day I wish I had a

tenth of the energy they have little exciting out of control love machines that keep me busy. One of

the things that really makes me laugh with both of them is sometimes they don’t make it out the

door in time and I find a little present or a damp spot on the kitchen floor! I will usually say in a

raised voice “Who did that” and next thing in a flash both puppies disappear I will call out to them

and there is silence and then? I will find them hiding under the covers in their little house.

They will pretend they are asleep, you can tell they think that I’m never going to find them then after

they think the situation is all ok and I have gone away they will slowly climb out of the assumed

safety of the covers and act like there is no problem at all, wagging there little tails it’s all so funny as

then the lecture form me will usually begin.

Humans also have a habit of sometimes hiding under the covers when they find themselves in a spot

of bother. When trying to Comeback from a business problem its sometime far easier to run and

hide under the covers rather than face the “Who did That” that’s coming from suppliers you may

owe money to, customers that haven’t received goods, unhappy family members, once you start

hearing from those people it seems a little easier just to stay in the safety of under the covers rather

than venturing out and facing the drama.

Well, in a Business Comeback hiding under those covers is not an option, I firmly believe it’s better

to look at a problem before it looks at you and one thing I have learnt about people is that they cope

far better with information that’s freely given rather than having to drag it out of you.

Companies that you may owe money to, disgruntled customers, family members only want one

thing and that’s a solution as they are usually feeling the same way you do, they only get frustrated

when you stay under the covers and don’t give them information. I have seen so many problems

caused by this fact alone, situations where people could trade out of problems if only they would get

out of bed and start talking with people.

Get up, make yourself a nice cup of coffee sit at the table and write yourself a list of who is owed

what, who has gotten what delivery all the things that are causing you to worry then write a script

that’s the truth not fiction on what your situation is then call them. Yes you may get some that yell

and scream for a minute but what they want to really get is a so0lotuioon and after the initial storm

is passed I guarantee they will want to work with you to find a way to make you and them happy.

I know myself where there were times I had no money, couldn’t pay the bills but they only way for

me to get back on top was to get my suppliers to give me the stock I needed to do that. I told them

the truth outlined my plan and asked for their help and they did. I had unhappy customers that after

being told my problems understood and were prepared to wait a little longer; I have had family

members that once I told the truth about the situation offered to help me out with some capital that

allowed me to finance things to get back on top.

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Yes I had some cases where there was no co-operation and they wanted to go to court but these are

rare, what I do know? If you hide under the covers, don’t speak up, make no attempt in

communication you will most likely end up with a lot of unhappy people no chance of help and no

Comeback in sight.

So if times have gotten tough? Stays away from the covers communicate with people and then when

the day is over and you finally get under that wonderful warm quilt you will sleep a lot more

soundly.

Hope you enjoyed the article until next time Big Hugs and Love to you.

Shane

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Article 6. The Business Comeback. Time to fill the Dumpster

I had a great day yesterday, spent the afternoon at my brothers house giving him a cleanup hand. He

had hired one of those big green dumpster bins and we were going to fill it with years of

accumulated rubbish that was just cluttering up the house and making life a little difficult as that

rubbish had really taken over his house. Well “tidying” up was easier said than done, it appears that

my brother has an emotional attachment to almost everything that we attempted to throw up,

broken no longer useful he seemed to have an excuse of what this “Item of Treasure” had no right to

ends its days in the big green bin.

My favourite item was an old record turntable, the type you used for playing Vinyl records, it was

sitting on a shelf covered in years of dust, wires hanging out of it, power cord broken yet when I

tried to throw it away my brother stopped me with the excuse, “Hang on that has great memories

leave it where it is” I argued with him for what seemed thirty minutes and then finally when he

admitted he had no desire to start a career as a DJ! The turntable found its way into the dumpster.

Did we get rid of much rubbish? Well when the day was done the bin was full the house was a little

tidier but still a lot of “Important” rubbish remained to gather dust until the next green bin arrived!

Could you fill a dumpster to help with your Business Comeback or would you hang on to stuff?

That’s a question I often ask people when working through a business Comeback to see if they are

well and truly prepared to give up some old ways, management style, processors, designs and

sometimes even a team member.

In my brothers case all the stuff he had accumulated over the years made it difficult to make room

for new things a business can be the same. We may keep plodding away at doing things as we have

always done them and they hold up what “New Stuff” could be implemented to help our business

move forever onward and upward.

New innovative team members could be told to sit back shut up and listen rather than being give the

chance to introduce new and exciting ideas that could have a huge impact on our business

Comeback. WE could keep using old machines that “Do” the job rather than investing in equipment

that will do it faster and easier with higher quality.

The Big Green Dumpster has a real role to play in any business Comeback. One of my favourite

sayings is, “What got you where you are today? Is not good enough to keep you there” so part of

your Business Comeback will be to hire one of those big green bins (even if you only draw it on a

whiteboard) and make some choices on what you going to throw into it. However just like my

brother there maybe some emotional links to some of the items you identify, I know it may be tough

but remember, a Ship cannot sail with the anchor stuck in the mud of the harbour!


Shane

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Article 7. The Business Comeback. Time to Let Go.

Letting go is one of the hardest things we have to do in life we will work so hard to keep something

alive. Relationships, situations, circumstances even things such as a car or an article of clothing,

when the time is obviously well and truly up we will try and find another way to breathe a moment

of life back into what we don’t not want to let go.

I know myself that I have had some possessions that no matter what I didn’t want to let go I would

put on another patch, make another repair, when people told me parts were no longer available for

that model I would search the internet for hours until I found what was needed to keep that special

item going just a little longer.

I know that this feeling of not wanting to let go can also apply to a business as I had one that gave

me that feeling. For five years I worked hard, I gave all I had, so much hard work and sweat I poured

into that business, but I loved it so much that when thing got tough even though so many people

told me to give up? I would find another way to keep it all going to enjoy that feeling a little while

longer and maybe just maybe it would all fall into place and things would turn around and all would

be back on track and the future would be secured.

But sadly one day, there was no more chances all avenues were exhausted and I had to say goodbye

and let it all go. I can write article upon article about business Comebacks and I pride myself in my

optimism but in reality there are moments when sometimes we have to let go, and I know it’s one of

the toughest choices we have to make, but what else do I know? Letting go does not mean you can’t

start again!

Think of how many people you know that ended a relationship and thought life was over and then

they found a new love better than before. Check the Internet and bookshelves and you will find so

many stories of business’s that closed the door only to reopen another bigger and better than the

original.

Letting Go can be tough but it can lead to much more, holding on sometimes will stifle your

creativity as you get so caught up in the “Saving” you can miss the potential of “Changing”

So if you have been or about to be looking at closing the door on a business for what you feel is the

last time, take a moment as your need to grieve and then put it behind you, it’s now time to move

on, as the past must always make way for a new brighter future.


Shane

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Article 8. The Business Comeback. Love a New Suit

I can still remember the moment like it was yesterday when I picked it up, I was only 16 years old

and the excitement was incredible, it was all covered in plastic waiting for me to take it home. I

slowly placed it into the back of my ads car I was so proud that when I got home I quickly ran to my

room, unzipped the bag and slowly tried it on and then finally I looked into the mirror and stared

with pride at my first..Suit. Wow I was not a Gentleman.

Would you believe that every single time I bought a new suit over the next 35 years I had exactly the

same feeling, once I placed that jacket over whatever shirt I was wearing at the time in whatever

shop or tailor I was at I got the same feeling I got when I was 16 years old, nothing beats the feeling

of a New Suit, it didn’t really matter how much the suit cost, I could buy it on sale or I could get it

tailor made I still got the same feeling the only difference was usually the price but I still felt great.

Can you also remember the feeling when you opened up the door of your business the very first

day? I can and it was pretty well the same feeling I got when I bought a brand new suit a sensational,

moment of excitement, walked with my shoulders straight standing tall. But I can also remember the

feeling of putting g on an old suit, wide lapels, out of fashion it never gave me that feeling of

confidence that the new suit did.

What’s the New Suit got to do with a Business Comeback? Well after you have you have gone

through all the actions we have talked about the past few weeks and really about to give the

Business Comeback a real good go, confidence is high that “This Time” all will be great, yep this time

it’s going to be different. You turn that sign around that said “Closed” and wait for the first customer

or that first call to happen and then sit back with a cup of coffee and start staring at the walls and

realise your business is still wearing the same old suit!

In this last article of The Business Comeback I’m going to offer you one of the most important pieces

of advice I can give you, if you have decided to make a Comeback, done all the hard work and are

ready to turn that closed sign back around again? Buy the Business A New Suit.

People react so well to change even small. So if your budget is tight buy the suit on sale, put some

pot plants in the office, give a quick coat of paint, make some new business cards, change the

furniture around make some change get rid of the old suit, it’s not only your customers that will feel

it’s no longer the same old same old its new that will feel the change. And I know one thing that new

suit feeling will put the spring and energy back in your step and you will be well on your way to

making your Business Comeback.


Shane

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Article 1.Divorce is not Chess and Children are not Pawns.

Every Sunday for the past few weeks I have taken my two little puppies to school, I love this moment

watching all the little puppies “Attempt” to learn to behave themselves, it starts off being really

serious but after a few minutes it ends up being really just one big play time for the puppies and a

bunch of adults getting all tangled up among a whole group of dogs leads. When school is over I’m

usually a bit hungry and I’m not proud to say is usually McDonalds or Burger King I drive to. Its quick

fills a whole in my tummy, doesn’t taste so good but it does the job. One of things I have noticed

about fast food places on Sundays is it seems in a lot of cases they have become a central part of the

game of Battle Chess between separated couples and kids.

I walk in order my food and whilst I’m waiting I take a peek around the restaurant and what do I see?

A lot of what I think are dads without mums or vice versa sitting just outside the playground area

watching children play with the other children, these “Dads/Mums” often have the same look,

unhappy and quite often you will see them taking more than occasional glances at their watch. I

start to eat my food and every so often I look across at the “Dads/Mums” and I will see a little boy

or girl rush in from the playground and give their Dad/Mum a hug, take another French fry, sip a

little bit more coke and then run back to the playground with the other kids.

I then notice that the Dad/Mum is not only staring at the watch a little more now they are also

starting to look at the cars outside, they appear a little agitated, I notice the happy little child has

also started to look outside in between the climbing up and down the slide this action seems to

increase until all of a sudden the Dad/Mum stands up and summons the child out of the playground,

I overhear him/her saying, “Mummy’s or Daddy’s here, time to go”

I watch the Dad/Mum struggle to put the Childs coat on, I see the smile has disappeared from both

faces and has been replaced with a frown. I watch as the child hugs his Dad/Mum with a grip that

lasts for what seems an eternity and then hand in hand they walk outside to car that’s parked right

next to theirs, and out steps a lady/Man who stares into the distance but mumbles hello to the other

and hugs the child. Brief agitated words are spoken, a luggage transfer happens between the two

cars, the words become louder and angrier, the child is now sobbing whilst they are put in the

passenger seat a door is slammed and the man/women now stands alone whilst the child puts his

little crying face to the window of the car as it drives off into the distance. The man/women now

alone looks up at the sky, takes a deep breath sits in their car for a moment then slowly drives off.

Just another pleasant Sunday access visit child swap at the take away?

Why the Take away? It’s convenient, its neutral Ground, It won’t upset the kids, its public all these

excuses you will hear from the parents, and that’s all they are “Excuses” but the truth is? They are

just another way that the parents will treat their kids as Pawns.

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The fact is that this scene could be played out at the former family home, the only difference now is

that the home is now the HQ for one of the parents’, in this game of battle chess anywhere past the

front door is now an exclusion zone for the visiting parent and the driveway now takes the place of

the Take Away car park, neighbours get to eavesdrop in on the arguments that usually accompany

the “handover” the pawn oops sorry Child doesn’t get to cry in the car this time they usually can be

seen begging Mum and Dad to stop fighting whilst the tears stream down there little faces.

You see what parents’ fail to come to grips with in any breakup when you have children? You may

hate each other’s guts and wish the ground would swallow the other up or some form of horrendous

act of god would fall upon the other, but to your kids? Your still Mum and Dad, Your kids do not

hate, despise or wish you harm, your kids love you so much and the thought of you two fighting,

yelling, screaming and almost committing bodily harm to each other is just downright foreign to

them.

What will be the cry of most parents’ in this game? The kids will understand, they will grow out of it,

it won’t affect them in the future, it’s what’s best for them, what a load of crap.

If you the parents have decided that there is no hope at all of any form of getting back together and

making it work, if you have 100% decided to go down the termination path and you have children let

me make one thing perfectly clear, this change will have an effect on your children, how big a

change is entirely up to you, yes you two that are involved in it.

You can decide to make this a game of chess and set your children up to be pawns and stuff them up

totally on the board of life or you can decide that no matter what? That game is not going to be

played.

The Comeback Book is pretty tough on this issue, in the Comeback I discuss how I played the game

of chess and hated myself so much for it, I then proceed to write how I worked hard at making the

changes and making it right so it’s now at the point where me, the kids and the ex wives go to

McDonalds together in ONE car.

It’s possible, it can be done but it requires one thing to make it all happen, TEAMWORK. Now you

may be laughing at me when I say this, how the hell can two people that hate each other work as a

Team? Well you may have destroyed each other’s lives but there is no need to make it mass murder!

This teamwork doesn’t only involve you and your ex partner it involves those closest to you as well,

family and in-laws and most importantly any new partner you may have, there has to be total

agreement that no matter what, no matter how much you hate and despise each other, when it

comes to the children you will work as a team to make it right. This is not a game, it’s not one

upmanship, it’s not proving who is better than the other its owning up to the fact that you are

PARENTS, and that’s a role that is removed from Husband and Wife, they are not the same, that’s

what you the parents have to take ownership of. In a short period of time the courts will cancel that

contract called marriage but the deal as a parent? Is a lifetime binding no way out contract?

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There is the key, and that is where you have to work as a team. I promise you it will not be easy, but

I will promise you that its possible, and in my next article we will look at the road and the directions

that we can take to make sure that we arrive at the destination, that place being a Comeback as a

parents that work as a team and battle chess is over.

Thanks for reading this edition, I send you Love and Hugs and let’s look forward to leaving that chess

game in the cupboard.


Shane

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Article 2. Divorce is not Chess and Children are not Pawns.

War is a terrible thing, years of fighting massive destruction, death in untold numbers and then just

as quickly as it starts it’s over, a group of people will sit around a desk sign a declaration of surrender

and then the rebuild will start, from the rubble a new country will be born a new beginning people

will forgive over time but so much damage has been done and bitterness usually is one of the things

that can never be erased.

In my last article I likened divorce as almost a war and sadly just as in a war between countries so

much damage can be done and the same associated bitterness will prevail when two people decide

that a marriage is over. The marriage war like any other war has casualties and in the couple c case

the casualties are usually the children. But our goal of these articles is to share with you that it does

not have to be this way, many a war can be averted with peace talks, talks that realise the damage

that will eventuate unless two parties can come to an agreement.

In peace talks it’s not just the main players that are involved, it’s all those stakeholders that could be

effected should the two countries go to war, everyone involved understands the repercussions of

not getting “peace” and all work together to make it happen but in the end tow people will sit down

and finally put all the bitterness and anger to the side and move forward to what is the most benefit

o there citizens, to make sure that death and damage does not become part of everyday life so that

they are responsible for that being there people.

If we look at a marriage in the same way? The two leaders are you, yes Mum and Dad, the

stakeholders are all those around you, Friends, Family, new partners and those your responsible to

protect? You’re Children, yes YOUR children, not his, hers, mine YOURS.

You talk to anybody that has gone through a war and they will all tell you that peace is a far better

option, I talk to people every day that have gone through the ugliest of divorces and they all say they

wished they could have had at least been a lot more “Civil” well in The Comeback I talk about my

own wars but I also talk about my peace talks and that is where we are going to go in this article

today.

OK so you have decided that you have had enough, something has gone wrong whatever the reason

the marriage is over, and your headed to the divorce court, usually you get lawyers involved, friends

and family have already taken sides and slap bang on the middle will be the kids, and usually they

are the last apart of any discussion or plan, and more than often civility has gone out the window so

any chance of a plan is pretty, well what I’m here to tell you is that the only way to make sure that

your kids are not casualties of this potential war? Make the Peace talk? the first option, I’m not

asking you to work out your marriage (although it would be great) what I’m asking you to realise is

that although you two may have decided that this chapter of your life is over it doesn’t mean that it

has to follow on and create all sorts of obstacles in your kids lives now and the future, you may have

created the Train wreck but you done have to destroy the station as well.

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The initial part of this Comeback is that you and your soon to be ex partner must put all the “stuff” a

side, separate all of that Marriage, property, anger, bitterness stuff that’s associated with the soon

to no longer be Husband and wife and realise and agree that “parent” is a totally separate issue. Just

because you qualify for divorce, just because that wipes years off a relationships doesn’t

automatically disqualify either one of you as a parent, you both bought them into the world and

whether upon like it or not you both have the responsibility to help them make it through as

sensational, adjusted successful kids.

The next phase pre peace talk is to draw the in the sand with all those around you, IN laws,

Girlfriends, Boyfriends, butch baker candle stick maker, all of these people that are part of the soon

to be over marriage relationship must know and be clear that the Parent relationship is a totally

separate issue.

There is nothing worse than picking kids up for visits and getting the Evil stare or your an arsehole

speech for those around you when it’s in direct earshot of the children, they must be told say or

think whatever they want as long as it does come in the direct direction of the ears or hearts of your

children. The outsiders are important to be put in their place, to know the boundaries.

So, where are we at in The Comeback towards avoiding the game of chess and treating our children

as pawns? WE know that a peace plan is an integral part of this Comeback; we know that despite all

the things we may be fighting about with each other no matter how big the disaster the relationship

maybe, like it or not our role as parents and the well being of our Children is a totally separate issue.

We understand that all those involved must be made totally aware of this action and be given the

rules of engagement, when we have all this in place we can move on to create the peace plan and

tally avoid the war. And that my friends will be the subject of the Next Comeback article.

I thank you so much for reading this article, pray it is enjoyable and helpful, let me send you love and

hugs and until next time please remember, The Things that Matter? Are the things that matter.

Sending You Big Hugs and Love

Shane

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Article 3. Divorce is not Chess and Children are not Pawns.

In my last article I wrote about the teamwork that is needed to make sure we don’t treat a broken

relationship like chess and use children as pawns, the picture above pretty well sums up what ends

up as “normal” and no way does it symbolise teamwork, what we have in most cases is a virtual tug

of war going. We have the parents, the friends, family, new partners and sadly the children emotions

all tied up in this horrible game of tug and war and if you have ever seen a real tug of war? It only

ends up one way, that being one side is stronger than the other and the losing side usually ends up

being dragged over a line that has been placed on the ground that they don’t want to go they then

all fall over and the game is over, stronger side wins. The other interesting part of a tug of war is the

players on each team have to really dig their feet into the ground to make sure they get a good

strong hold of their position to make sure they other team is always struggling for grip which makes

the potential of losing even higher.

Wow a lot of similarities with the way all those involved in a couples break up position themselves as

well don’t you think?

Losers Line drawn in the sand, feet dug in make life as difficult as possible for those on the “other”

side and in the middle we have the child or children watching this horrible back and forth and

positioning.

Well what if the tug of war was a different game? What if on one side of the rope was all those

involved in a relationship breakdown and what if the other side had as its team members has all the

nasty things that get involved those being, Bitterness, Anger, Rage, Pay back, Abuse, Denial, and the

team captain BLAME. What if all those team members got dragged across a line and ended up in a

big huge hole those got covered in dirt and were never seen again? Wow that would be prefect

wouldn’t it? Am I dreaming is it possible? Could all sides totally cast away all ill feelings for each

other and focus on the major goal? That goal being for the Children not to end up as pawns in a

game of chess?

I believe it is possible and I have done it and so have many others and it comes back to what I closed

my last article with, what we need to look at is TEAMWORK, but I will give you the heads up, it’s not

going to be easy but nothing worth having is ever easy. The plan for teamwork will take eating bit of

humble pie, will involve meeting and discussing situations and circumstances with people you have

most likely vowed you would not spit on if they were on fire, but sorry better get that spit ready!

So how do we arrange the team, well the major players and usually the biggest enemies that being

the Boy and Girl involved in the relationship, and that means you’re going to have to sit down and

put all the other stuff aside that has nothing to do with the kids and work out a structured plan of

how the role as “parents” will not only survive this trauma but prosper. Let me remind you I say the

role as “Parents” as it’s totally separate from “Partner” and the game of chess is fuelled by the

inability to separate those two roles, so are we clear?

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NO choice or option on this if we want to move forward to TEAMWORK we have to bite the bullet on

separation of roles, ok now I have your buy in on that we can move forward.

In your team meeting you have to look at every activity that normal parenting has as part of its role.

That will be school, sport, family events, discipline, love, birthdays, doctor, dentist the list can be

long but all of it is part and parcel of “Parents” not “parent” and once the list is complete there must

be total agreement that both of you are responsible for all of it, yes there may be actions that are

done by an individual but the planning, discussion and follow up is a PARENTS responsibility not a

PARENT.

The next step of this meeting is to discuss what events would create the environment for a tug of

war to begin? Let me help you out and remind you of the McDonalds access children change, if you

think that will involve trauma both of you better eat some humble and stick to easiest of Changing

station that being HOME. Ok so he left you or she left you well sorry get over it, the house may have

bad memories with the partner but to kids its home so get sued to picking them up and roping them

off where they live and belong., and if you feel the urge to start yelling and screaming at each other?

Put a sock in it and send an email later, remember when it comes to the Kids your parents no longer

partners.

Once you have made the choice and action to support each other as parents it’s time to share it with

the troops, those being all those involved in the background. Family, Friends, New Partners, you

must share with them your commitment to the role of PARENTS and you are asking they get on that

side of the rope with you.

Now I know from experience this is a tough call, my second wife had several farmer brothers and a

small country town behind her so I wasn’t even welcome at the local pub, and the brothers wanted

to feed me to the sheep when I went on weekend visits. Each of us had new partners that constantly

tried to transfer the “Parents” role into a tug of war, family members, friends and new partners can

make this a real tough time, BUT! Two people can stop all of that from happening and those two

people are you, the PARENTS. Yes they may all mumble and carry on but they must also realise that

they have a role that is separate, Grandma and Grandpa is different than IN Law, Uncle and Auntie is

not the same as Brother and Sister in Law, and Girlfriend and Boyfriend are not parents!

You see to get the team involved it is the same principle and process, get all the players to realise

and be responsible to the ONE true role that remains after all relationship breakups, and that is the

role of RESPONIBILITY.

Each and every one of you are responsible to make sure that the Children are not treated as Pawns,

each and every one of you is responsible that weekend visits, school meetings, doctors visits,

birthdays do not turn into a Tug of War.

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When you all take responsibility, when you all put away the baggage of Bitterness, Anger and the

biggie called BLAME? Chess won’t be the game and LOVE will be the answer.

The Comeback of “Parents” can be achieved all it takes is separation of roles and understanding of

teamwork.

I thank you for reading this series of articles, I hope they have been enjoyable for you, next week I

will start a brand new topic but until then, I send you Love and Hugs and wish all the best in

whatever your Comeback maybe. Until then remember? “The Things That Matter? Are the Things

that Matter”.


Shane

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Article 1. The Darkest Hour Comebacks. First hour Devastation

I can remember the feeling the first time somebody watched my video and commented, wow so

excited The Comeback channel had been born on You Tube and somebody actually watched my

video and liked it, it felt so good. The first week over sixty people watched that video and then each

week I would make a new one and a few more would watch it, a few more comments, a few more

emails of gratitude from people in need of their own Comeback in life, feeling so good that

somebody had gone through what they are and comeback to feeling alive again. Constant messages

of “Great Stuff” “keep Going” motivated to make a new video each week and then after a few weeks

we hit a thousand views and I felt as excited as if there were a million and god I loved the way

people were responding, it was a joy in my life.

Week's turned into a few months and after 25 Comeback Videos we had over 295,000 people watch

the Channel, now 5000 views each day, sensational comments and had made tens of thousands so

new great friends, hey I want Justin Beiber with Millions but it was the best feeling to know that

what I had gone through in my own Comeback was helping other people.

The joy was shattered on a Saturday Morning, my darkest hour in a long time was about to appear, It

was early morning and I was excited to log in to my PC and start to read the comments on my

channel, to read the emails that people, had taken time to write and send me, to write back replies

of encouragement, but when I logged on something strange happened.

I was asked to send my phone number to confirm my password, I did and I got back a code, I

enett5erd the code, pressed enter and there it was.

*This account has been suspended due to multiple or severe violations of YouTube's policy against

spam, scams and commercially deceptive content.

NO warning, no reason, No Truth.

I was in shock, it was like time stood still, my hands frozen above the keyboard, I had no idea why, all

I knew was this total feeling of devastation had in one click emptied me of so much excitement and

happiness, joy that I had felt for the past few months. I frantically tried to find help, support a

contact name, a number but there was nothing, and all that was left was to send email after email to

a faceless machine at You Tube that just acknowledges your email has been sent, not one word of

encouragement or sympathy from a bloody machine.

In an instant, all those thousands of new friends, all the relationships were gone, all the hard work

the joy in the videos were gone, and if anyone tried to search for me all they would find would be a

message that said it was all a lie, a scam, a deception, the thought of them reading that after

building such trust such a bond with so many of them? God I was devastated.

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For the next few days I tried all things to find a way to contact somebody, anybody and get this Lie

off the Internet so I could once again be in touch with all my friends but with the faceless world of

technology now in control the hope of this happening slowly but surely faded.

The message quickly spread, I was blasted all over the Internet planet as a scam, a deceptive content

provider and even though none of this was true I had to write pages and pages of explanation to

investors and partners, the Old saying that Good news travels fast but Bad news travels faster was so

true. I couldn’t understand it, none of this was true, It was so unfair, I had no chance of getting this

total lie taken off the internet it was all becoming a bit too much, days of depression and sleepless

nights and then the moment came when I scream at the top of my voice ENOUGH.

Screaming ENOUGH is the key, believing ENOUGH is the opening to allow the repair to begin from

this one of my darkest moments, ENOUGH is the beginning of a devastation replacement, a

Comeback.

When I uttered the words ENOUGH, I allowed the Comeback Machine to begin work, I realised that

the devastation was going to ruin me, I realised that all hope of any retraction of the lie and a

replacement of the Truth was impossible when you’re dealing with a machine, I realised that I need

to make a Comeback as the Comeback is the truth and the truth will set me free.

Your devastation may not be a Commercial Moment like this, your devastation maybe a note saying

“I’m leaving”, your devastation maybe a meeting where your told “We have to let you go” your

devastation maybe the words, “I’m sorry but they are at peace now” Devastation comes in many

different ways, but in each way it can be our darkest hour and we at that moment? struggle to see

or feel the road back, but let me assure you that every darkest hour does have a huge ray of hope at

the end of it, you can and will Comeback.

I woke up this morning and started the process, I wrote articles, I moved all my videos to a new

channel, I began plans of Press releases so I can tell my friends that we are back in business and that

the truth has been set free.

My darkest hour is behind me and so can yours be, the devastation has been kicked out of my heart

and yours and replaced with? “The things that matter? Are the things that Matter” what matters?

The truth, the truth that we can lift above all that’s thrown at us and Comeback to a life of joy.

I welcome you to our new series on Comebacks from Darkest Hours.

I send you big hugs and Love

Shane

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Article 2. The Darkest Hour Comebacks. Second Hour Betrayal

When did I first meet him? I was introduced to him by another mate at the Hard Rock Cafe in Kuala

Lumpur there he was fresh off the boat as a new inductee into the crazy world of being an Expat in

Asia.

He was from the UK, had arrived on the previous Friday and looked pretty sad. The story went that

as soon as he arrived being a bit of a Lad and a little thirsty he hit the nightlife pretty quickly landing

in one of the “Seedier” bars in Kuala Lumpur. Being a newbie! he was looking for friends and soon

two lovely ladies and there Italian male friend joined him at the Bar. A few hours and many drinks

later all things got a bit cosy and the suggestion was they all continue the party back at his hotel

after the last drink.

That last drink was all he could remember, he woke up three days later, no money, no wallet and a

really big headache, is this the story of betrayal? No you best read on.

After hearing that story I said to him, Well Ya got your first lesson of Expat dangers early mate” best

have a drink huh. We sat and talked and after an hour or so he was laughing and starting to shrug off

the past few days, the bad experience and talking about what he should do next.

We continued to meet up with him over the next few weeks with all the Boys, lots of laughs lots of

drinks and in the coming months him and I became great mates, talking every day, having lunch and

after a year I would have classed him more of a Brother than a mate.

I moved to China the second year but often travelled back to KL and would always meet up with him

and the other boys for a good nite of drinking and telling lies to each other. In between trips I would

keep in contact with my Brother with emails of jokes and possible business contacts for him, I felt

close to him and trusted him so shared my network of associates even friends and family.

I was looking for some funding for a project in China and mentioned it to him, he told me he knew of

a group that might be interested and he would ask them then get back to me. A few days later he

did just that and after a discussion I was on a plane to KL to meet with these investors.

It’s a traditional thing in Asia that if you introduce people for business or funding that you get an

Introduction fee my brother and I talked about the deal and agreed that if all went well he would get

a particular percentage. Both being happy we went off to the Hard Rock yet again for another one of

those sessions that had become famous on Friday nights.

I went back to China a couple of days later and over the coming week we kept in contact on the

progress of discussion with the potential investors. When I left though I had a strange feeling that

something was not right with my brother. I called a couple of other mates and found out that he was

in a spot of bother, things hadn’t gone to well, money was almost non existant and he was pretty

desperate, I thought to myself if the deal goes through that will put him back on his feet once again

and all will be well.

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Well the deal turned sour, the investors turned out to be a total bunch of crooks, wasted time, effort

and money to end up with nothing and when I called my brother to tell him what had happened I

was not prepared for his response. He was so angry and he blamed me totally for the loss of the

deal, screaming “I need that money” he turned into a man that I did not know. I hung up on him and

what followed was days of nasty phone calls, emails, SMS all blaming me for the money that he

would have earnt if that deal had gone through. He didn’t want to listen that they were crooks; he

just wanted to rant and rave. Other friends warned me to be careful, saying he is so desperate his is

making dumb decisions, he’s a loose cannon, but I defended him thinking, “he’s a Brother” he will

settle down sooner or later he will score a win in something, and all will be great, next time I’m in KL

we can get together and have another famous Friday night session.

A week passed and I had not heard from him, I was busy in China doing a week long interview with

CCTV, it was so much fun, I was happy and relaxed the filming was going great and then my phone

rang. It was one of my best friends in Australia, I had not spoken to her in months and I was so happy

that she was calling but her voice was not a happy one and then she said it, “Shane have you

checked you email” I was so busy with the shoot that I hadn’t done that for a few days so I asked her

to tell me what it was all about, the next few minutes were one of my darkest hours and I was

introduced to the second hour of this series, “Betrayal”

My friend proceeded to read me an email that contained things about me that even my mother

would be embarrassed, it contained allegation of theft, corruption, sexual immorality, miscarriages

of justice, lies, and deception my god the only thing it did not accuse me of was shooting JFK. I asked

her who got this email and she told me everyone, who was everyone? Friends, Family, Church

members, Business Associates, Banks everybody on my mailing list. I then asked who sent it; she

waited for a second and then she told me, your best friend the guy you called Brother in KL.

He had copied and pasted all the names in so many emails I had sent him and others over the years,

he accumulated them until he had what he thought was a list of all the people I knew and could

cause me the most loss. I had trusted this man as my Brother, we had shared so many wonderful

moments, laughed and cried together and he had now completed the ultimate act of Betrayal and I

was shattered.

It was not the email that caused my feelings, I knew that it contained nothing but lies; it was not his

attempt at such a shocking character assassination. It was the fact that he who I trusted had plotted

and planned to do it.

Betrayal? In my mind is indeed one of the darkest hours and one of the hardest of Comebacks. It

took away from me my trust in people; I had a thought pattern “If he could do it? Somebody else

could” for a very long time I would not allow anybody into that inner circle of my personal life.

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Can we quickly get over betrayal? Does The Comeback have a magic potion available as a value add

that you can buy and sprinkle on your pillow, wake up in the morning and feel all is well problem

gone? The answer is no, there is no app for that. What I do know is like most emotional damage that

is inflicted upon us it can be overwritten and the pain can sooner or later will go away.

I could have remained in the vacant space that Betrayal had created in my life and been a man very

hard to get close to, but I chose to Comeback, I came back by filling that vacant lot of Betrayal with

its bitter enemy, the one thing that will destroy the damage its spreads, I grabbed hold of and

believed in TRUST.

If you have had the second hour of Betrayal enter your life and you’re looking at how you can

Comeback, the key is trust, begin to believe in people again, begin to Trust again and slowly but

surely I know your Comeback will overcome the second of our darkest hours.


Shane

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Article 3. The Darkest Hour Comebacks. Third Hour Breach of Trust

It was one of those relationships that just happened, there was not one of those “Oh wow” kick you

in the pants moments where you see stars and music starts playing in the backboard and its difficult

to think of anybody else times. We met in no special way more like just bumped into each other and

over the coming months it just seemed normal that each weekend more and more of her stuff just

moved into the house and slowly but surely and so did she.

Over the next six months we grew so close, more like best mates than lovers, she relied on me as I

did her, it was as comfortable as I had felt in many years. We loved to chat over a home cooked

meal, we both loved watching sport on TV. I think the only thing we didn’t have in common was her

love for shopping! I am one of those people that buy things when I need them I don’t have any

desire to Look, she would be happy spending hours window shopping and be so happy in bringing

home an empty used plastic Versace bag!

Six months is a long time, and we felt so easy so natural, it had all grown so smoothly that I had the

best feeling of trust that I had since I could remember, it was a wonderful feeling. I enjoyed her little

daily joke SMS and it was so cute as we had matching Blackberry’s a good thing really as you only

needed to search for one charger in the house not chasing a few.

When the time came for me to take an extended business trip I actually felt a strange form of

sadness as I was packing not because I was leaving a lover but more that my best friend would not

be beside me.

The first week away was normal lots of meetings, dinners long days and short nights but I looked

forward to the chats with my “Best Friend” just before I would turn out the lights catch some quick

shut eye a quick dream before it all started again. As the week rolled into the second I didn’t think

too much into the fact that a few times her conversations were a bit shorter than normal, maybe

she’s tired, maybe she wants to have an early night, maybe she wants to talk in person it’s been

awhile, I discarded the Maybe and drifted off to catch as much of that sleep as I could.

Three weeks passed quickly and soon I was back home which was my “favourite destination” (great

Qantas ad) I waited for her to come home and then we sat down and had a laugh over dinner, it was

a good feeling after all those weeks of tough business stuff, always on the edge not knowing where

you stand, always looking over your shoulder or trying to second guess what the other guys agenda

really is. Home was good.

The next day she went off to work, I did most of my work from home so I was going to have a

general tidy up day so I made a fresh coffee and was ready to check my emails when I made a wrong

turn with the mouse and oops coffee everywhere including drowning my beloved Blackberry. Bad

idea as like 99% of the world that thing had become an extension of my body.

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The night before I can remember how excited she was to show off her new phone that she just

bought so I knew there would be a spare Blackberry in the house, pretty simple I would just swap

SIM and I would be back in business, so rummaged through the house and found it, quick change of

cards and I’m back in Business.

It took about half an hour then that “Ding” that signals a new SMS came though, I opened up the

messages to check and found that the phone was so full as she had forgotten to delete them, I need

the room so I thought a quick scan and delete would be in order, I should not have gone there, I

should not have done it as I felt a dark hour set in and I was introduced to the third hour, Breach of

Trust.

I only read two but that was enough, the same funny pattern, the same terms of love, the same

flirting but the difference was the message was not to me.

She came home that night, there was no yelling and screaming, no “you nasty piece of work” how

could you treat me this way, I suppose the relationship was formed in such a way that it seemed

almost foreign to yell at her, but the feeling of breach of trust was not one that I enjoyed.

I simply asked her what her intentions were; we discussed it and agreed that she would leave over

the weekend.

For me? I was lucky, the friendship far outweighed the pact of lovers, we had been together for six

months, we had not much in “things” , the breach of trust was tough but nowhere as much as others

that I meet every day that want to Comeback after a moment like this.

I meet and talk everyday to people that have been together for years, married, children, mortgages

totally shared lives and trust and then in one moment? the trust is gone when they discover

sometimes by accident sometimes by spying, but they find that SMS, that email, that Face book wall,

that Twitter that brings the Darkest Hour to their lives by allowing the third hour of breach of trust

to enter.

In the Comeback book I chat about moments like this and how we can overcome the feelings that

losing trust can create in our lives not for just that moment but how they can linger and interfere

with the loves that we have, or that await us in the future.

I know it’s tough, I know it hurts and I never shy away from that in The Comeback, but what I do

know? All the drama all the pain of our darkest hours is introduced none of it is natural. Trust is a

natural value of all people; breach of trust is an introduced moment.

With a Comeback? We can evict the lack of trust and reignite the feeling of love and security, which I

promise and believe.


Shane

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Article 4. The Darkest Hour Comebacks. Fourth Hour. Guilty

It had been six years the smile that captivated me, the laughter that obsessed me, and the joy that

moved me had been replaced by everyday routine that aggravated me.

A free roving sprit, excited full of energy I had fallen into the life of a Marriage, two kids and a

mortgage and the women I loved I am sure felt the same most likely worse for her as she was

pregnant for the third time.

Our days of laughter and continued flirting with each other were now more just like daily episodes of

Ultimate fighting matches. Although we didn’t draw blood but the days often lasted more than three

rounds. Didn’t matter what started it but we would end up in a heated argument over almost

anything, god she even got annoyed the way I filled the kettle. Life was no longer a joy and when the

day was over I silently wished that we had single beds as whereas before my arms felt empty

without her, now I felt nothing but crowding the moment she got into our bed. The end of night

hugs and romantic talk had well long ago been replaced with “pass the more control”! I would then

roll over and think, where is the women I fell in love with and I’m sure she was thinking the same.

Then I met her.

A smile that would make any dentist proud, Laughter, energy and god how I enjoyed her Company

for the first time in so long my opinion mattered, first the first time in a long time I was getting

compliments, for the first time in a long time I looked forward to my day,

We were workmates, we had innocent fun but we both knew that an attraction was there, but it’s ok

we thought, we are both adults and we can control it, I was a married man with kids and it’s a

boundary that only the brave (or stupid) will cross. For months we understood this boundary and we

never crossed it, yes we would push the limit but there was always that moment when we knew that

danger was close, the stop sign would come up and we would both retreat back to the position of,

“We can’t go there”

Each night I would go home after a day of what I thought was fulfilment to be blasted with feelings

of being inadequate, to nights of wishing that the days would last longer and to sleep that I wish

would be shorter. I wished all these things knowing it was wrong but enjoying how right it made me

feel, I did all of this and felt all this was ok with the safety net of “we are in Control” we can’t go

there.

The yearly Conference came around part hard work but mostly a junket of fun, we had all worked

hard and it was that one time a year when all the states got together to meet up, scratch each

other’s back, play a few games listen to some good some bad speakers and then party the night

away and then repeat it again for three days.

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The final night was always special, a grand final party where we all got dressed up in our best, the

guys in black formal and the girls in there after five finest, I was having a few drinks with a few

interstate mates and then she walked in, the smile was brighter, the hair was fuller, the dress was

sensational and she was stunning and I believed that my control was running out.

She walked up to the bar said hello to the guys not once taking her eyes of me and me the same, she

then sat down beside me and for the first time I could not nor I did not want to hide my need to be

exactly where she was, I was NO longer in control.

We danced, we laughed the night was so good and I have no need to tell you how it ended as you

will know, but it was special and I had no need or intention to ask where was the remote!

We promised ourselves that this would not happen again, we would return home and make sure

that we were always in control, that lasted a day and for the next few weeks we spent time together

no longer in control.

It was around a month later, a Company BBQ where family was also invited, we both new it would

be difficult but we had to make sure that our secret was safe, we had agreed that what we had was

what we had and it could never be any more, we knew it was wrong but although we had tried, it

seemed that the power over both us was way too strong.

I thought the day went without a hiccup I had introduced her to my family, she was cordial it all

seemed good to me until I got home.

Dinner was quieter than normal, the kids were bathed, PJ’s on Prayers said nite nite given and then

we sat down to watch whatever reality show was around, but this time she asked, “where’s the

remote” and turned off the TV.

She was not backward in coming forward and immediately asked me “how long have you been

seeing her” I tried hard to divert the questions, I ducked and weaved like a heavy weight champ but I

stood no chance my guilt stood out like my chin and very soon she hit me with a knockout punch,

the evidence she had discovered in true CSI fashion was far too great against me the darkest hour

arrived, and finally I admitted I was..Guilty.

From that point. It was not pretty, I was not proud, it’s shocking the feeling you get when you have

destroyed the life of the one you love it’s even worse the disaster that falls from that point.

She was a zero tolerance women, the next day I was out of the house and within one week so was

she. Her, the kids were gone, moving back to her family home with the protection of the same zero

tolerance policy as hers, no forgiveness would be entered into. For a moment of love I had lost my

greatest of loves.

I faced my darkest hour and I was Guilty.

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In the Comeback Book I make two statements “We don’t wake up one morning and thinks it’s a good

day for an affair” and if you’re going to have one? “Have an affair with your wife”!

The Comeback believes that all the drama we face in life all the things we need to Comeback from,

to repair, are a result of “stuff” being introduced over a period of time. That gives us two

opportunities, in the case of Guilt? There is a many a red flag along the way that we are headed for a

train wreck and we can flick the switch and divert to anther track to get us back in line. If we ignore

these red flags and we face our darkest hour we can use the same process that got us into the dark

times to rebuild and repair it.

Having an affair with your current partner is the greatest advice I can give before going through a

Relationship Comeback. So many couple I meet have forgotten what got them together originally. I

love it when I see an old couple holding hands, I love it when I witness and older man giving his wife

a flirty smack on the bum, I love it when a couple say they are dumping the kids at Grandmas and

going away for a naughty weekend, I love it when people have affairs with their partners. Why do I

love it? As these actions avoid the worst of results, they keep you well clear of the Darkest hours and

one of its stars. Guilt.

So when you wake up this morning? It’s a great day to have an affair so turn off that alarm, roll over

and love the one your with.


Shane

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Article 5. The Darkest Hour Comebacks. Fifth Hour. Judgement

I had been away on a business trip for three days, I had made calls but nobody answered as love had

left the house and been replaced by anger and bitterness. I can still remember the shock to find the

house was empty, just a mess of bits and pieces left behind from a rushed retreat.

The rooms that had mountains of toys and the joy of my children were now just a couple dents in

the carpet where the beds once sat, and then there was the note on the kitchen bench that was full

of hate and the news that me and my children are now four hours away.

Did I deserve it? Yes, did I want it? No. Did I think that my darkest hour had approached and this was

judgement? Possibly, my hour of judgement was still to come.

The weeks passed and finally I got to arrange the chance to do the four hour trip and visit my

wonderful children for the first time in what seemed months. I packed the car got my son all hooked

up and loaded with road munchies and off we went. It’s a long way but we laughed and joked, talked

about football, played I spy and all sorts of other games to pass away the time and then we finally

arrived at our destination.

Before the bust up I used to love driving up to this place, the bush, the air, the farm it was so

relaxing and moreover I loved spending time with my in-laws, great people so hospitable it was a

wonderful break from the pace of the city and all its plastic attitude that I really hated. Sadly all that

was back then and things had changed I was no longer the son in law, I had become an Outlaw.

I was not allowed to drive up the family driveway I had to pick the kids up from the local footy field, I

was not allowed to stay at the comfort of the family home, I had to rent a room for all us at the local

motel. I often wondered if this punishment really did any good as it seemed to make the kids as

depressed as it did me, but these are the rules I must play by now, all my privileges had been

revoked and I was in “Their” territory now so it was a matter of grinning an bearing it.

Country towns are strange places, they are small and everybody is related or knows somebody that

is. They play football together in the winter and Cricket in the summer, a wedding is a town affair

and therefore so is a divorce!

The family were elders of this town, Father in law a mason, a Rotary member and councilman, the

Brother in law was Captain and Coach of the local football team and the town Computer expert heck

they even were elders of the local church so no secret could be hidden.

When holding the kids hands and walking down the street I could feel the cold hard stare and the

whispering in the background saying “That’s him”

We stayed outside all day, we played on the swings, kicked a football, ran around the park and now

it was dinner time. The Motel had no cooking facilities and there was no Pizza Hut or KFC, so the

local pub and a counter tea seemed liked the best option to feed the tribe so off we walked to the

local.

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It was like scene for a Western Movie, we walked in the door and the place was full of locals and

when they looked up and realised who had walked through the door? the place went quiet. I felt like

the Cowboy dressed in the black hat, a black horse and two black six shooters I tell you it was the

worst feeling and it was made worse by the fact that my kids recognised their friends and ran away

leaving me and my Son standing there with the dagger eyes of the town upon us.

I was too worried to order a drink so I went thirsty just in case it got thrown at me and then it

happened. One of my daughters fell off the little plastic slide in the indoor playground and was

crying, I quickly got up and ran to her aid, it was a bit tough as she was surrounded by local ladies

that all go by the name “auntie”, I said its OK I’m her father I will help and then I was informed, “No

you’re Not, A real father would not have left his three kids”

The darkest hour had entered and one of its hands, Judgement was now setting in.

I protested to the auntie and then like a pack of wolves on a defenceless sheep she and her fellow

aunties attacked as a tribe. I copped every nasty word that you can find in and out of the dictionary

all in front of my children. I tried to defend myself and then the uncles realised the sheep was

wounded and they jumped in for their piece of my bones. I was challenged to be a real man and take

all this outside. Why was all this happening? Because I had been a bad man, I had left my kids for

grass that may have been greener in the arms of another woman, what sort of a man would do that?

Did they care about the facts? No, I was being judged and I would suffer the consequences as I didn’t

deserve any better.

The family had been alerted of the trouble by bush telegraph and soon they all came through the

door of the pub, the children were quickly picked up and as they were all leaving all you could here

were the screaming shouts of “You’re Not a fathers Arsehole”, “your nothing but trouble”, “you’ll

never change”, I had no right of reply to the tears in my children’s eyes, I was the trouble maker I

was useless and again I had been judged.

After a bit of business with the Uncles, my son and I realised we were not welcome, we went back to

the motel and had a wonderful dinner of potato chips and a fine vintage bottle of coke and Ice on

my eye, my son kept reassuring me with the same words, Dad, it’s ok they just don’t know you.

Did I leave my children along with my wife? Yes I did, even though I was thrown out, but I had made

the choice to have an affair and like it or not the moment you do that your kids are part of the whole

terrible thing. Did I stop loving the children, did I stop being dad? To that I will answer No, but to

others they will judge you and the answer will be yes. As far as the aunties and uncles of the world

go the moment you leave your wife or husband, in their judgement you hang up the uniform of

parent as you walk out the door!

Many years passed and now I have a relationship with the kids and their mother that I cherish, I am

invited to family barbeques and I would be most welcome at the local football ground but in The

Comeback I ask the question “Why does it take years”?

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When people get divorced it is most often quiet ugly in the early days and no matter what the

people involved will judge the other party and treat them like an outsider of the family and worse an

alien to the children. The “parent” title is treated more as an award rather than a birthright. Years

and years of judgement will cause damage to everyone involved but the biggest causalities are the

kids.

In The Comeback I look at a better way, a way that gets rid of the years it normally takes to get

things right, a way that will make sure that our children don’t grow up to be bitter and twisted like

the parents and aunties and uncles usually are.

Get rid of the Judgement, yes a break up is nasty and ugly and yes it hurts, but we have to realise

that although the role of husband and wife has gone, the joy of being a parent will never fade.

We must put aside no matter how hard it is the choices we make using judgement as the guide. We

must advise all those around us the same that although one relationship just ended? One still

remains, that being the relationship of parents to wonderful kids that we made together. We have

an obligation to make sure they grow up to continue to be wonderful, as without Judgement? That

wonderful relationship is guaranteed.


Shane

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Article 6. The Darkest Hour Comebacks. Sixth Hour. Loss

The years had passed so fast it was now 2007 eight years since I had left my home and moved

overseas. A lot of good times and many bad, a few new loves and one permanent one as in 2002 I

married again, they say third time lucky so maybe this was my moment, maybe this time I had learnt

all the lessons in life and finally have that peace that many had told me comes with contentment.

I spoke to my eldest son often but the conversations with my youngest children became about as

frequent as the seasons or birthdays. I lost count how many times I was excited to be making a call

then only to be left leaving a message on the answering machine. It must have sounded funny to

them to hear the “Old Boy” singing happy birthday to you with the accompaniment of the horns of

China traffic jams in the background.

Graduations, sports days, cut and bruises I missed them all. In the beginning photos from home were

consistent but as time rolled on all I had in my wallet was a picture of three kids under the age of

five, now they were teenagers most likely with pimples and puppy fat, but I found it hard to imagine

past the look of three little babies that sat behind the plastic cover of my wallet.

On the occasion I did get to avoid the answering machine it was always so strange, I was speaking to

my own flesh and blood my wonderful children but in reality it was like speaking to strangers. I

yearned to hear what they were doing, how they were going, I longed to hear about their life, how is

school, tell me about your friends, what sport do you play, but sadly each call seemed to hit a brick

wall once we got past “Hi it’s Dad”. Worse still was after speaking to love number one? Two and

three would not really want to chat; “I have to go out Dad” “I’m late for school Dad” “Sorry Dad”

those words became the norm when I finally got a chance to speak with them.

I can remember the shock I got when finally in the mail I got a recent photograph, wow they are all

grown up, my skinny little girls with braces are now women with hips and bums and my god my son

is so dam tall must take after his Mums side I thought. I was so proud, I showed that picture to

everybody that I could find and I was excited when people would say “Wow they look like you” The

pictures came with a bit of a note that filled in a few gaps. The note told me that the kids were all

very talented each one of them was a great singer and dancer I ticked a Box of “They got that from

me” then I read all the kids were great at sports, I ticked another Box, they got that from her!

Was this my darkest hour? Was this the moment of Loss? In a way yes, but the full extent of loss was

a still a little while awhile.

A couple more years passed, the new photo became and old photo, the phone calls became harder

as now they were full on teenagers and never home, I tyred so hard to remember their Birthdays but

I could not remember the last time I had heard happy birthday Dad and worse still not a mention on

father’s day. It had been so long since I had received any update and then finally one day a letter

arrived in the mail. I was so excited all I could think was, “sensational” a new picture for my wallet, a

new moment to brag and then I was hit with it, I opened the envelope, and my darkest hour was

ready to appear.

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The letter was not from my children, the letter was from their Mum and it was attached to a form.

The contents of the letter were cold and to the point and to summarise went like this:

“The kids don’t see you anymore, they really don’t know who you are, its difficult and confusing, I

have been using my maiden name and so have they for the past few years, the kids and me want to

change it officially, please sign the attached form so we can do that”

The sixth hour? Loss had just arrived. I went into my bedroom and wept.

People tried to console me, they gave me a hug and kept saying “Its just a name” what they didn’t

understand it was not just a name it was in my mind, the last remaining link with them that I was

there father. So many years had passed so much had gone on so many times I had held on to the

belief that soon I would be home, soon I would be a father again and then in an instant with this

news? Those hopes that I held to, were lost.

I thought about it for days, I picked up the pen so many times and began to sign the form only to

throw it away, I didn’t know if it was pride or the loss of hope but what I do know and remember

was it was devastating, in the end I took a deep breath and signed it.

The contact between them from that moment was almost non existant, and then out of the blue the

invitation came, there was an engagement at home and we were invited, my eldest son was in love

and wanted to take it to the next level could I please come the timing was perfect. The business had

been moving, money was available for the first time in so long, my god I could go home, I called my

son and told him yes and I asked if his brothers and sister would be there he replied he didn’t know

as they didn’t talk much at all.

After such a long time, the moment the plane landed I couldn’t believe it I just wanted to get out and

kiss the ground.

The normal wait of International customs and then yippee we got to go through the door and be

outside in Australia for the first time in so long and then it happened. Waiting there was my eldest

son and the surprise of all time there was three sensational smiles beside him, I didn’t recognise any

of them at first but then I knew that that all the smiles belonged to all my children.

It was incredible the hugs, the tears, the laughter we all just stayed in the one spot and held on to

each other for what seemed forever, we left the airport and for the next three days my children did

not leave my side, after all these years the feeling of this love was such incredible joy and happiness.

The Comeback is about many Comebacks, Comebacks in relationships, business and addictions but

all of them lead to one place and that is the knowing and enjoying The Things that matter once again

and thing that matters is? Happiness.

From the moment I walked through the doors at the Airport I realised and restarted the things that

really mattered in my life and have from that moment I worked and maintained my Comeback on

the relationship with my children, the actions and the process is what The Comeback is all about.

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Yes it did hurt greatly that my children changed their name but in reality when all is said and done

and I get to hold them and love them and be part of their lives, it’s really just a name.

Take hold of the love in whatever your Comeback maybe, focus on the joy, abandoned all the things

that are stopping this joy from coming through and you to will realise and hold onto, “The Things

That Matter? Are the things that matter.


Shane

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Article 7. The Darkest Hour Comebacks. Seventh Hour. Tragedy

China is an incredible place, its fast, its huge it’s basically incredible it’s hard to describe the place in

words. Yes you read about its economic rise to fame, you see telephone numbers of things they buy,

make and sell, but you can’t understand all of these things until you actually live there and that’s

what I did for several years.

I didn’t live in Beijing or Shanghai, people think that is China but in reality it’s almost like living in any

other western city except they speak Chinese and there is millions of people walking, driving taking

public transport 24/7. It’s like a normal City as it’s full of shopping malls with Versace and Louis

Vuitton, fast food outlets, high rise buildings, apartment buildings and all other sorts of opulence so

take away the language and you think you are in New York or London and it’s pretty easy for a

foreigner to survive.

Where did I land at the start of my China Journey? Guizhou Province which happens to be south of

Beijing, up in the mountains and is the poorest Province in China, why was I there? I was married to

a local and about to start another incredible chapter in my life.

I had met the incredible Tracy years earlier in Hong Kong, a whirlwind incredible romance followed

and we were married, we spent a few years in Hong Kong, a couple of years in Kuala Lumpur and

then we built a little business, that could be a big business and we migrated the Business and our

lives way back to China.

Tracy was (and is still) the most incredible exiting Women, she is beautiful and vivacious and all men

love her and women admire her. She has one of those personalities that when you see her at an

Airport or Shopping Centre? you want to take her picture as you are positive she is famous. The

other striking feature about Tracy is her hair, short and immaculate but Silver Grey in colour, she

went grey very early in life and for a long time dyed it jet black but then decided it was a pretty good

image so let it stay, it worked as it made her stand out from the China crowd.

The Business was called Oriental Dream a name we made after hearing a passionate speech by Tracy

on her love for her home town of Guizhou and the embroidery, jewellery and batik of its Tribal

Culture. The little business we started in Kuala Lumpur sold items from Guizhou and we got the idea

that if we could turn the traditional items into modern fashion? We might make a nice little business

out of it that was Tracy’s dream, we were in the Orient so it stuck and Oriental Dream was born.

Guizhou was the heart of tribal so it made sense to begin there and pretty quickly we started to

make a mark for ourselves especially with the Chinese media. It was a great story for them, our love

story with each other, the tribal culture and China. It was so incredible to the Chinese that a Chinese

Gal and an Aussie Boy would travel all this way to build a business like this, and soon we were on

every major TV show in China. CCTV, Shanghai TV, Beijing TV it was huge and in China when you’re

on TV believe me it is huge. It got so bad I could not even sit in KFC and eat without people watching

and pointing.

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I can remember going to have a massage and the girl was so scared to touch me as she had seen me

on TV and was worried she might do something wrong. I got on a bus and people stood up to give

me a seat, it was crazy.

Tracy and I were flavour of the month and had all the trimmings that came with it, anybody who was

anybody invited us for Dinner, Karaoke all sorts of events, we even had CCTV6 which is like HBO

invite us to dinner to discuss making a movie of our lives and most importantly? our love story. The

Chinese are huge on love stories and success.

Our Brand was recognised by The Chinese Government as most important brand status a huge

honour in China, the whole thing was incredible but little did we know that the Oriental Dream was

slowly turning into an Oriental Nightmare! And the darkest hour of tragedy had a booking in our

lives.

The events were fun at the start, it’s nice to be pampered and overfed once in a while, smiling,

cheering, singing, picture after picture but then I noticed I would just sit in a corner and talk to

myself. My daily routine ended up making me feel like a trained Monkey, lights camera action then I

would jump out of a box put on a show and then be placed back to the loneliness of my cage

surrounded by bananas and some toys and nobody to talk to. Tracy on the other hand loved it, she

was in her element, front and centre star attraction it was her and she was living it, she loved

dinners with the famous, she loved to sing at karaoke, and as time went on I started to say, “I’m not

feeling good” “I will give it a miss” I would come out for daily performance but there was no Night

time entertainment, I stayed home and became a Copy DVD addict.

The powerful love, the “can’t live without you feeling” was being taken over by The Dream, the

business was now number one, the relationship that was so full of fire and passion and so admired

by the public was in the background heading for a disaster and one day in an interview I discovered

just that.

CCTV had set a TV crew to spend seven days with us to make a documentary about our lives, it was

fun, I got to sing and dance, do crazy things with farmers as they planted rice, ride motorbikes

through the Countryside all good TV stuff but then I had to sit down answer some serious questions.

The reporter was great with English asked some early probing questions which I just smiled and

answered like a machine that I had become, and then she dropped one that made me stop in my

tracks. She asked me, “What’s it like being in love with an incredible Woman like Tracy, how

important do you feel?”

It seemed like an eternity before I answered the question, my mind raced through the past couple of

years, I searched for feelings that I knew I once had and I could not find them and then I answered

the question.

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I told the Interview, being in Love with Tracy is a matter of accepting you are not number one in her

life, Tracy is in love with another, she has been having a romance with it for so many years, I have to

accept that I am number three in her life and will never be number one.

The interviewer was shocked and stumbled for words, she asked me who was number one, and two

and I told her, Oriental Dream is Tracy’s first love, Chinese Culture, Family are number two and I

would be number three and it’s at that point? I realised how the tragedy was unfolding.

Behind the cameras, behind the events, behind the limelight was something that was not portrayed,

the Dream had taken over, the dream now created constant battles and arguments, the dream was

first and it didn’t matter what happened the dream was always the priority.

My loneliness, my longing to be home were not as important as the dream, the once unbelievable

romance and passion that two people had shared had be stolen from us, the Dream had become

most important and I was not, the dream had became the love and when I answered that question, I

finally realised it, my darkest hour had arrived and tragedy was welcomed in.

The interviewer thought my tears were for the love of Tracy little did she know they were for the

loss.

From that moment it was all downhill, the fights got worse, the business started to suffer, the dream

was no longer colour it was all black and white and finally our lives were just a public front. I moved

to a Village and went deeper and deeper into solitude and each time Tracy and I met, all we did was

argue and fight. Sitting alone I decided that it was the best thing to leave and took an offer to head

up a Company in Los Angeles.

Are Tracy and I close now? Yes although we are apart the love has made a Comeback, we talk each

day, the laughter is growing stronger and another potential but Managed Dream is in the making,

but the sadness of the darkest hour of Tragedy still is a reminder to us both.

In The Comeback I chat about the fact that I believe that the majority of problems in relationships,

business and life are not natural they are introduced, Tragedy is something that is introduced.

There are many couple’s out there right now about to embark on an exciting dream, they are about

to start something just as Tracy and I did, they are full of passion and love, the fire burns in there

belly to make the dream come true. Slowly but surely that dream will do just that and become a

reality of success, but sadly the hour of Tragedy is always waiting to pounce if given the opportunity.

In the Comeback I often quote, “The Things that Matter are the Things that Matter” and no truer

advice can I pass onto to anybody, as it’s a key to putting up the “no vacancy” sign for moments of

tragedy in your life.

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If you focus on The Things that matter, you will be pulled up pretty quickly when you start to focus

on the things that don’t matter, you will fuel the love and passion, you will take time out to make

sure that all things are right.

The Comeback is way of life that can get things back to being what matters, but in this case a little

bit of pre work will make the Comeback a maintaining program not a final solution.

Have dreams of greatness together, that’s such a wonderful thing, but do not forget along the way

that the love in front of you? must never be left behind, take time to nurture that, make that love a

celebrity event, focus and never let go of the things that matter and the darkest hour of tragedy?

will never be able to make a booking in your life.


Shane

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Article 8. The Darkest Hour Comebacks. Eighth Hour. Not Invited

My dad always warned me, “Take a Good Look at their Mum son as that’s what she will grow into” it

was a great philosophy of Dads. Dad worked it out that if your Girlfriends Mum had a weight

problem, drinking problem, gambling problem, lazy problem, lots of wrinkles, well that’s what you’re

going to end up with should this cute, smart, bouncy lightweight Gal on your arms become your

partner in life, strange thinking but I always laughed.

In some ways I think Dad was right as my wife took after her mother in the having children

department, her Mum had six and would always joke that she only had to look at her husband and

she would get pregnant, well my wife was pretty much the same and one minute after deciding to

start a family my youngest son was born and we were expecting what turned about to be my first

daughter pretty soon after that.

Easy births also ran in the family so at the first sign of labour we had to be pretty quick off the mark.

We barely made it to the hospital as pretty soon after the first push my wonderful son was

screaming to the world that he had arrived (My youngest daughter was almost delivered in the lift

twenty minutes from our house)

They were wonderful kids, great personalities, born entertainers which I say is my DNA and good

looking which I say humbly was because of their Mum. This DNA also them gifted at most sports as

my wife’s side of the family were born with a skill that no matter what the bat or ball they could hit

it and hit it well, I was always someone that had to work hard at sport, but they could sing and yep

definitely that was from me.

Pretty soon after their little sister was born the Marriage went sour and they moved away, little

contact was made, little discussed, names changed, winters and summers passed but finally I had my

Comeback as a Dad.

They were all grown up now, we had begun the restoration process even though they lived in

another state I have continued to visit, to spend time with them, they came and stayed with me it

was all working nicely, we were all becoming as close as we could get to me having a Comeback as

Dad.

Every morning and every night I would SMS them, we would write on each other’s Face Book wall,

heck I even got introduced to middle daughters first boyfriend, I felt accepted at last.

My ex wife was from Good strong Country stock good people, her father was one of few men that I

actually admired and his death was one of the most tragic days of my life, a strong willed man his

word was his law, so I could understand that through the years after our divorce the reception was

always a mild chill. Whenever I had to cross the path of the ex in-laws but being cordial was almost

part of the country dna so it was usually bearable. It was so not the same with one of their Uncles

though. He was the husband of the eldest Auntie who was the matriarch of the family.

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From the day we split up to the day we got divorced he made an oath that he would never speak to

me again and he pretty well kept to his word and him and his wife were pretty powerful figures in

my children lives.

In the years that I was not around the kids spent all of their holidays at the auntie and uncles farm,

all the important moments in their lives, the skinned knees, the tummy upsets, the success and

some failures were in a lot cases witnessed by the auntie and uncle, I later learnt that if anything had

happened to their Mum then the kids were to be taken care of by the Eldest Sister.

I had tried on a few occasions to make peace with them but even one weekend when I had to pick

the kids up from their house I was strictly instructed to arrive at an allotted hour so as to make sure

that I did not bump into the Uncle and Auntie. It was uncomfortable but I had suffered far worse and

I didn’t class it as important as I was in there lives now and in my mind all that really mattered was

my kids feelings, and I was so happy the way our relationships were blossoming, I felt important and

that was a great feeling.

So many years had passed and no sooner had you been changing kids bottoms your getting ready for

important birthdays and now days the 18th birthday is pretty well the most important. When I was

younger it was always the 21st birthday that held all the power, but now days kids can vote, drink,

get a licence at 18 so that’s the number that gets the big event and my sons 18th was only around

the corner and I was excited that at last I would be here for one birthday and it would be the most

important.

He was pretty quiet about the whole thing and that really should have raised my suspicion, the day

was looming and I kept asking if he was having a big party, inviting all his mates etc but all he kept

saying was its only a day Dad and then I got the call.

It was a week before his Birthday and I was going to be in town so my son suggested we get together

and have dinner, I don’t know why he asked as that’s what we did every time I was in town. We

would have great fun go and eat then go back to my hotel and sit on the balcony and have great

chats about life.

I picked him up on my way through and we then took off for out allotted night out on the town! The

dinner was strange, he was normally so energetic, so talkative, he would usually comment on some

good looking waitress and call me an old pervert if I did the same, but that night he was pretty silent.

We finished our meal and he asked if we could go back and talk on the balcony so we payed the bill

and returned to my Hotel.

Even though he was too young to buy a beer he was ok to have one with dad so we both pulled up a

chair, screwed the top off a coldly and settled in to what was usually a great old Chat, but then he

said it, Dad we need to talk.

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Like his Mum and dad he was not backward in coming forward so he just was straight out with it,

“Dad, it’s my 18th birthday next week and if it’s ok with you please don’t come”

The darkest hour had arrived, I was not invited

I was in shock, I had worked so hard at rebuilding and having A comeback as a Dad, I was so proud

of the relationship and it just seemed to be shot down in flames, but the thoughts I had were not the

facts.

I had a tear in my eye and asked him why, what had I done, had I disappointed him, what created

this choice.

He simple replied, that he was so happy with our relationship, he was so excited to see me and he so

much wanted to keep it growing, but that party would have all the family members there, most

importantly the Uncle and Auntie, it was not that anyone was more important than the other. The

major point was that these two people after all these years did not care where I or our relationship

had gotten to; they focused on where it had been.

He knew there would be trouble and he thought that we were close enough for me to understand

that. He closed with “Dad its one night and we will have a lifetime of being father and son”

I agreed.

You see in the Comeback one of things we focus on is really getting down to the Truth, as the Truth

is what will set us free, it’s all the other yucky stuff that holds us back.

The truth? I valued the relationship with my son and my daughters, the restored relationship with no

baggage as the most important and I would do nothing to damage that. The truth is that if I went to

that party it would be most likely that the baggage of bitterness would come and destroy all the

wonderful work that had been made; the bitterness would have an impact on The Comeback.

So, there may be times in your Comeback that you don’t receive an invitation, and it does hurt, but

look through that, look forward and ask is really important in the total Comeback? You most likely

will find it isn’t, then with that Victory, move on and enjoy The Things that really matter and be

totally happy doing it


Shane

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Article 9. The Darkest Hour Comebacks. Ninth Hour. Sorry

We had only met a few times and each time was a struggle, but I can vividly remember the masses

of thick curly hair, the smile, the eyebrows, the shyness and the distance. She was different than the

others but I would always put that down to it will take a while, we have no real history, and sooner

or later she will know me. The others? Well we had spent a couple, of years together, we had been

places done things we had a lot more that gave us a glimmer of connectivity, but with her? Although

I denied it, It was in reality purely DNA.

Yes I had seen an occasional photo, got a glimpse of her life through the far to infrequent calls but

each time I would see her we would always have the same feeling of “I know who you are” but “I

don’t feel it”

Then the trips overseas began, the moments of “Not knowing” became less of a problem which I

suppose was a bit of a blessing to both of us. When I made the calls she was the one that really

didn’t want to speak, for her to say “I love you” to answer that question “Do you miss me” was so

difficult, I didn’t want to admit it but deep down in my heart I could not blame her.

I held on to the fact that this would one day pass, all would be ok Humpty Dumpty problems and

situation should be put back together again, I held on to the belief that this wonderful little person

would one day understand and appreciate that I was her Dad and she was my daughter and that it

would be far more than just DNA. But the weeks turned into months, months into years and the gap

between us widened.

When the day did come and I landed at the Airport to finally see them after all these years I had an

expectation of how it would all go, maybe I was a little naive but I felt sure that they would be exited

there would be ballons,streamers champagne corks pooping. I felt sure they would run and greet me

and all would be sensational and we could get on with our lives and life would be perfect and my

Comeback as Dad complete, but it didn’t quite go that way.

Yes number one and two children were happy and semi yippee yahoos but number three? It was

more like one of those greeting’s you get when your meeting a Business Colleague at the airport

except there was no sign with my name on it!

The pleasantry’s were over with and we all jumped into the car are headed back to their house to

have some afternoon tea before they got me settled into my Hotel. Typical non smoking house of

the 21st Century so I wandered outside to have a quick puff and also spend the time chatting with

the kids. Number one and two were like little jumping beans with question upon question about my

years of fun and excitement overseas, they wanted to hear the stories wanted to know about the

glamour it was all so exciting to them. Daughter number three just sat there, I could see it in her

eyes and her body language that she wanted to say something, the Darkest Hour was looming.

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I’m sure she took a deep breath before she interrupted the conversation and then out it came.

When are you going to say “Sorry” to me Dad” that was just the opening and then she let go with

why, why, why. Why did I leave, why did I go away, why didn’t I love her mum, why didn’t I see them

more, the whys continued, she had so many years of questions, so many years of disappointment

and the ninth hour of Sorry had to happen.

Was she right? Did she deserve the answers to all these questions? Would it make any difference to

what happened or what would happen? Would “Sorry” make any difference to our relationship,

make it stronger, get rid of all the baggage and allow growth to move in?

When faced with a divorce, distance and time away from children sooner or later along the way you

will be faced with the same questions my daughter asked, the darkest hour will rise and Sorry will be

a moment you must face.

But it’s not just sorry that will heal the wounds and believe me those tiny little hearts get damaged

and most times you will not see it. Sorry alone will not give us a humpy dumpty moment where all

things are back to together and we all carry on like happy families and move on.

Sorry needs to not only come from the heart, sorry needs the accompanied of a reason, sorry needs

the associated why or else it will just be lip service. In my daughters case she had years of not

knowing, she had years of feeling like all of this distance, all of this no dad stuff was in some way her

fault, that she was to blame, sorry is not enough to heal those wounds.

In The Comeback I talk about the moment I answered the question my daughter asked me, I

answered it whilst sitting down with her alone at McDonalds, I said sorry but I also took a lot of

blame for the way it had been. I said sorry, I admitted fault but then I offered her what she was

looking for and needed. I offered her a pathway forward, I offered her the opportunity to join with

me and make way for a new relationship, a new chance at her and I opening up to something so

special and that being Father and Daughter.

So yes, although we may think that the opportunity to say Sorry can’t be classed as a dark moment?

It is. It’s a darkest hour as its going to open a flood gate of emotional issues that have been held back

for a long time, it’s a darkest hour because Sorry is not enough, if we don’t give more, if we don’t

pay the attention to it that is needed then Sorry will lead to an emptiness, a loss of hope that we will

have to continually work on.

In the Comeback I discuss the DHL of our lives (Department of Human Lies) if we think that just

“Sorry” will set this relationship free let me share with you we are living under a total DHL. What we

need is the Truth to set this relationship free and move on to something beautiful. The Truth is

contained in the feelings, emotion, desires, experience and Xcuses (FedEx) that’s where we really

want to be as in these things we find the truth.

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So when we sit down with our children and they ask for sorry, say it but tell them how you feel,

show the emotion, tell them, what you really desire, share with them the experience this past few

years has been and admit to the excuses you made along the way.

When you tell the truth, and end it all with sorry? I know that the relationship you will now have will

based around the most wonderful part of a Comeback and that is that our relationships are based

on, “The Things that Matter? Are the things that matter?”

I pray you enjoy that blessing and the things that matter as I have and do.


Shane

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Article 10. The Darkest Hour Comebacks. Tenth Hour. At this Moment

She moved in on a Wednesday night, I can remember the skin tight jeans the red jumper, the little

white slips on shoes and that awesome long blonde curly hair bouncing as she ran and jumped into

my arms. We had known each other a month and here we were now sharing our lives together in my

little house that I had proudly deemed the bachelor pad only a couple of months before, so much for

freedom but wow she knocked my socks off and I could not even at this early stage imagine a

moment without her.

Everything we shared was special, we ate drank and were excited about every single moment we

spent together, when we went out we were the darlings of the social set, jealousy abounded every

Couple wanted to be like us, happy, so in love we could take our eyes off each other. One year

became two but still the passion was there, I felt the same desire for her when I walked through the

front door as I did when she jumped into my arms on that first Wednesday.

And then it slowed down, not yet the darkest hour but the clouds were looming.

It started as fights that went on longer than normal, no more did we look at each other in anger then

burst into laughter and then be overwhelmed with passion, now the anger simmered into the next

sunrise and a chill came over our bed.

Now when I looked at her when she asked me my opinion of what she was wearing I found the

object in front of me far for interesting than the women standing before me, gone were the times

that I would take her hold of her and tell her she looked too good to go out I want to keep her home

all to myself, all that was gone and I would have preferred the Company of a DVD rather than with

her.

Now each and every conversation, each question, each decision was more like a debate a chore,

now any offer to work longer, top stay away another day I would greet like an excited child and

throw my hands up in the air and say “Pick me Pick me”

The passion, the desire, the little red jumper and tight jeans, the white slip on shoes were now just a

memory, I was faced with a life and no doubt so was she where we had no love, we just existed, we

fell into the hole we promised we never would, we fell into the darkest hour of “At this moment”

What is it? What is the “At this moment hour” well it’s a song by Billy Vera & The Beaters and it was

recorded in 1981 and it tells of a lady standing in front of a man they are obviously partners and he is

saying to her, “What did you think I would say at this moment” and then he ends the chorus with

“Coz you just don’t love me anymore”

That’s a at this moment darkest hour! When you or your partner come to the graphic heart breaking

realisation that this relationship you have been in for such a long time, that started off with you in

each other’s arms now ends up with you at arms distance, Sound Familiar?

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What I wrote at the beginning of this article, the awesome cant way to see you love that falls away is

it just me? NO I see it and hear every day, what I went through and what I felt is as common a

problem in the world today as ever before the only difference is that the “At this moment” events

are coming around a lot quicker than they did before. Like technology has made our life’s faster and

easier it has also had the same impact on our relationships, they have become faster to get into, and

faster to get out of. But I believe we have something in place that can alleviate a lot of these

moments, cancel out many of the Heartbreak Comebacks, it’s something that been around a long

time, now like so much it’s taken as lip service, not politically correct, has no relevance but it can be

so powerful.

Back in the day (and it’s not that far back) our Mums and Dads got together and got married and

they really meant the promise that they spoke and what was that promise??

I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for

better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this

day forward until death do us part.

No mention of “until an at this moment, moment” Let’s go though the promise.

Let's remember it’s a wedding vow, so it’s taken a moment when tow people decide they will join

their lives in a union that they will become as one. Well back in the day that’s what people did, they

met, fell in love and then they made the choice to get married, live together, build a home and make

babies. The Marriage was all about making commitment, “To have and To Hold from this day forth”

that promise right there? It was something that was not entered into lightly as back in the day it was

classed as life long, now? No need to make a commitment we just enjoy each other’s Company and

move in, no dramas if we decide it’s a bad thing we can just pack up and walk out anytime we are

not happy and go and start all over again, from this day forth became until “At this Moment”.

For better or Worse? Back in the day, people would sort through issues, they would make it work

and you bet your bottom dollar that all those advisors around them would also sing the same tune.

When things got tough? Mum and Dad would wait until the kids went to sleep and they would sort

stuff out, if they called there Mum and Dad they would get the same story, Sort it out and that

would be the knowledge and advice that was posted from friends all down the line. Now? Better or

worse? Sort it out? Well that’s more like first sign of fight makes for the next flight!

For Richer or Poorer? Back in the day everything was shared, Mum and dad knew the total state of

everything financial there were no separate bank accounts, no separate titles on house deeds and

nobody had hear of a prenup agreement. When things were good the whole family enjoyed it and

when things got bad? Couple would sit down together see what they had and work it out together.

Sickness and in Health, to Love and Cherish from this day forward to death do us part, wow I don’t

read anywhere in that commitment the statement till things get a little tough, or one strike and

you’re out!

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Over the past series of articles we have covered all the points that can lead to the darkest hour and

the Comebacks that we need to work through to save the relationship, when I’m writing these

articles I keep thinking that most of these issues would not happen, would not be as grave or

damaging if we had a thought about that marriage vow and the statements it makes, the

commitment it requests.

What are missing in our society are the commitment that such a vow stands for and the

commitment to work towards matching all its values.

As a society we are so quick to run, we are so quick to give up, we are so quick to run to our lawyer

and lets them sort out (or destroy) what back in the day would have been sorted out over the

kitchen table with the kids in bed asleep.

Far too many of the problems we have in our society can be traced back to a lack of stability in the

family unit which back in the day we referred to it as Mum and Dad.

Am I suggesting we go back to the good old days, people get married and Mum stays home looks

after the kids whilst dad goes off top work? No I think those days are gone. What I am saying is that

we need a partial return, a partial awakening to the principle of a value related commitment to

relationships. The Vows that my Mum and took and swore to each other were more than a tradition,

they were a reminder of what you have promised each other, the commitment you had made to

each other to work stuff out, you had something to stand for. The vows were taken after a

sometimes long qualifying period rather than meeting at a bar and moving in the next day. The

qualifying period gave the couple a chance to sort through issues and problems, it gave them time to

see the majority of the things first hand that may cause issues later in the relationship, now we just

jump in a learn and destroy along the way!

In this modern age with our take way mentality where there is no commitment. no value to guide us

what do we have? Nothing, and that is what will hold many of today’s relationships together,

NOTHING.

I hope you have enjoyed this series of Comeback articles, and that what I have written the chats we

have had is of value to you and whatever Comeback you seek, a brand new series is now on the way

and until next time.


Shane

T C A B

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T E

first articles ebook

Documents

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love shane hodge t c

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comeback articles

grasshopper drawing

share of green stars

drawing monitor

heartbreak comeback