founder leadership workshop
TRANSCRIPT
Founder Communication
InnerSpaceJoe GreensteinDec 15, 2015
Why am I doing this? (Part 1)
One Big Idea
INTENTNeeds
MotivesStories
Reality #1
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2Common
IMPACTAssumptions
FeelingsResponsesReality #3
The Net
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Everyone feels them; we just pretend we
don’t.
Convey crucial information; absence of emotion leaves out
half the story.
Emotions indicate importance. Most
powerful motivator?
They are an early warning
system
Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Self-Disclosure
Will I be less liked,
respected, influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant? Will it further the discussion – the
relationship?
Will others use this
information against me?
How will others
see/assess/ judge me?
“What in my ‘bubble’
should I share?”
Self-Disclosure
“ VULNERABILITY ISTHE BIRTHPLACEOF CONNECTION. ”BRENÉ BROWN
Authentic Leaders
“The single factor distinguishing top quartile managers from bottom quartile managers was strength of affection.”--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”, Kouzes & Posner
Authentic Leaders
If You Really Knew me…
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Effective Teams
1. Participation2. Collaboration3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Research: All of these are correlated to Group EQ
“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
“I’m starting to feel defensive”
Inward (my emotions)
Outward(others’ emotions)
Emotional Awareness
Emotional Management
(“Regulation”)
“He seems to begetting agitated”
• Take a deep breath• “Could you give me a sec?”• Take a walk
“Are you ok?”
EQ (Individual)
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Inward (Our Team)
Outward(Other Teams)
Emotional Awareness
EQ (Group)
Emotional Management
(“Regulation”)
High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms determine group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Group EQ
Feedback & Influence
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityWhy is Feedback Important?
1. Personal Development2. Team Effectiveness3. Stronger Relationships
Bottom Line: Feedback is how we grow
Photo: Robbie Grubbs
Can I give you some feedback?
Photo by State Farm [link]Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
David RockWhat social situations triggera threat response?
StatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatednessFairness
SCARF Model
So… how do we communicate feedback while minimizing defensiveness?
INTENTNeeds
MotivesStories
Reality #1
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2Common
IMPACTFeelings
ReactionsResponsesReality #3
The Net
The Net (again)
Feedback
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
• Focus on specific, observable behaviorWhen you do [x]…
• Describe the impact of that behavior on youI feel [y]…
• Ask about the other person’s motives or intentions
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Stay on your side of the net!
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
When you do [x]…
I feel [y == emotion] that / like
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Receiving Feedback
• Look for “Grains of Truth”– Learning is better than being right– Goal is understanding, not winning
• Listen and ask clarifying questions• Acknowledge your feelings• Gift mentality
– Say “Thank you!”
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Complimentary Feedback
• Give more!!!• Do not praise to buffer criticism
– Avoid “The Sandwich”• Do not praise to overcome resistance• Avoid platitudes. Be specific:
– Weak: “Joe, you’re killing it.”– Strong: “Joe, I’ve noticed you’ve been on time to almost
every meeting this week. I feel grateful for the extra effort.”
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Constructive Feedback
• Use a soft start– Emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:My intention is… / This matters to me because…When you do [x], I feel [y].
• Be aware of your own stress• Goal is joint problem solving
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder
Stay on your side of the net
When you do [x], I feel [y].
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
Work Product– Timeliness, quality, quantity, focus
area
Communication & Management– Too much/little– Choice of format– Email etiquette
– Language choices, communication style with others
– Transparency of project status, hiring/firing/promotions
Role Modeling & Presence– What energy do you feel from
this person?
– How do they impact others?
– What do they model well?
– Anything you worry about?
– Arrival/departure times
– How they speak/listen/act/dress
Fostering a feedback-rich culture
• Train your team on giving/receiving feedback• Schedule feedback-focused 1:1s (or begin
1:1s with two-way feedback)– And set expectations of managers/leaders to do
the same
Thanks, good-bye, and stay on your side of the net