GINI MAGS

Life Stories

From

GINI MAGS

As told to and written by

AGNES HOMER

Gini Mags

54

Life Stories from Gini Mags As told to and written by Agnes Homer

Author: Agnes HomerDesign: Hannah FinchamPrinted by: LuluCopyright: ©2018 Bridging Ages, CIC

Bridging Ages, CIC develops programs to encourage social contact between the elderly and youth. We are based in Sussex, UK.www.bridgingages.co.uk

Contents

Page 7

About: Bridging Ages

Page 9

About: Life Stories

Page 15

Chapter 1

Childhood and Schooldays

Page 27

Chapter 2Stories of my Wild Times

Page 37

Chapter 3

Adult Life

Page 43

Chapter 4

The 70s and Onwards

Page 59

Chapter 5Today

Page 65

Author’s Endnote

Page 69

Agnes Homer

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Bridging Ages CIC is a small not-for profit community company established in Sussex UK, formed in 2014 by three friends who were concerned about loneliness and the lack of social contact between generations. The Life Stories Project was created to address these issues. In 2017, Bridging Ages was awarded a National Lottery Fund grant to develop a Toolkit for the programme, making it possible for any school or group to bring the Life Stories Project to their communities.

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Life Stories aims to increase social contact between generations. Teens visit older people in their homes, ask them about their lives and then write a professionally published book about them! In the process, young and old come together and each becomes a part of the other’s Life Story.

A Life Stories book is an important family document for future generations. Families can order more copies and usually do! However, the success of the

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project lies in the process of making the books. The student visits give support to older people who may be lonely. Conversations with a young person can stimulate reflections on a life lived and honour that life. The older participants tell about how things used to be and what they’ve learned in their lives. It is enjoyable to share these stories with a receptive ear and important to hand down this legacy to the next generation.

Spending time with an older person and hearing a first-hand account of history can counteract negative ageist attitudes in the young. This is important in our rapidly ageing population. For many teens, this project is an introduction to volunteering, which can lead to future civic engagement. In addition, they meet the tremendous scholastic challenge of actually writing a book!

The Life Stories Project builds respect, trust and empathy between generations, and that makes our communities stronger.

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LifeStoriesFrom Gini Mags

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1Childhood  and Schooldays

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I was born 20th October 1944 at home, in Roehampton. I was a sickly child, suffering from asthma, which, in those days, meant being stuffed with pills. I had trouble with breathing, eating and sleeping. I have a few stories from my mother about her family, but not very much. Her mother, my grandmother, died from the Spanish Flu in 1918 when my mum was a baby. A woman called ‘nurse’ brought her up. She stayed to look after my grandfather when my mother

1“…then, at 9 years old, I went to boarding school.”

Childhood 

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School-

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left home. When my parents separated my sister and I were sent to live with my grandpa in Devon so nurse looked after us as well. We didn’t like her very much. I was 6 and my sister was 8 years old. We lived in a big house and I would scare my sister at the end of the corridors. There was a long dark passage down to the loo upstairs and I would wait at the end of this passage and jump out at her on her way back. She didn’t like it at all. Eventually my mum came to live with us in Devon as well – and that is where I grew up.

At first, I was sent to the little local village school, then at 9 years old I went to boarding school.

My earliest memory is when I was three years old. I was a bridesmaid with my sister (who was 5) and it was the first, and only, time that I was allowed to wear pigtails in my hair. I felt very special and remember to this very day the feel of the little metal basket filled with flowers in the palm of my hand. I always wanted my hair to grow long so I could have plaits, but after this one occasion my mum made me keep it short.

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Another memory from when I was 3: My sister had a beautiful blue velvet cloak which I longed to be given when she had grown out of it. However, unfortunately it was sent through the washing machine (or maybe the mangle) and by the time it got to me, it was a limp blue rag. I often got hand me downs from my sister…it was part of life in those days.

For my 9th birthday I was given a doll, dressed in all the old family christening robes. It was the most precious possession of mine. I had never had a doll before (we had very few toys in those days). It was so pretty and I spent hours just looking and not even playing with her. But when I went off to boarding school, I couldn’t take my doll with me and my mum gave her away. This was a tragedy for me. I was angry with my mum about many things and spent some years as a teenager feeling as though I hated her, even writing poems about it. It is funny how seemingly innocent actions have a long-term effect. However, my relationship with my mother blossomed in my adult years and she always supported me. One life-long connection

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we shared was our love of Winnie the Pooh stories. When I was ill at home she would read these stories to me – and when she was at the last few days of her life – I read them to her.

From 9 years old, I was sent to a beautiful boarding school with extensive grounds, where we could just see the sea in the distance. I remember on Sunday afternoons, taking the record player outside, winding it up and singing and dancing along to the latest music. My best friend from this school was Jane and we are still close today. We used to worry about things all the time and had a ‘Worry Club’ where we shared our problems. (I was pretty much a problem child!) We tried to support each other through our insecurities and adolescent anxieties.

Things I loved at school were the more arty subjects, gym, and I loved stories too. I was quite naughty and got up to mischief. One day Jane, Angela and I decided we wanted to walk to the sea. We just walked straight, tramping through the fields, with our school uniform ties half undone. At one point

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Gini starts at boarding school!

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our path took us along a road and Mr Satily, the caretaker, drove past us but we carried on marching towards the beach. He turned around in his car and picked us up. So, I got in big trouble with the headmistress.

One way to get out of a class I didn’t like was to faint, so I would put blotting paper in my shoes, press my fingers to my ears and eyes and then I’d faint. I did a lot of fainting to get out of science in particular as we had to chop up frogs, which was unbearable for me. As a teenager I fainted regularly, especially in church, and not always on purpose. I also suffered from migraines.

I did quite a lot of ‘naughty’ things. One day, when we were in singing class, Jane and I were sent out for misbehaving. We were often a bit hysterical and found all sorts of small things screamingly funny. This day we were laughing so much outside the door that we wet ourselves and had to mop it up with our two layers of school knickers! Plenty to mop with! One of the punishments for when we were naughty was to weed the tennis courts.

Childhood 

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One of the potentially quite dangerous things that we did, was to experiment with trying to set fire to things. We weren’t intentionally meaning to set fire to the school, but the bush close to the back door went up in flames. We got an awful fright and ran about screaming ‘fire fire’. We got away with it because matron came and put the fire out and then explained to us all how the fire must have started by the reflection from the sun through a piece of broken glass. However, we’d used matches! 

One lovely memory of this school was in the Christmas term. We were dressed as angels, carrying candles, and stood on the magnificent stairway singing Christmas carols for our parents on the last day of term. For once, instead of feeling like a disruptive child I felt so good and holy!

I was a bit of a ringleader in more ways than one. I used to wear shabby clothes passed down from my sister and managed to convince my friends that this was much cooler than wearing new things. I also generated the belief that to be popular it was necessary to mess

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about and be unruly, and hard workers we considered stuffy and dull.

By 14, I was afraid of nothing, had given up the impossible task of trying to be good, and was asked to leave the school. I arrived at my next one. Here all the cool people were at the top of the class academically, were fearfully serious and well behaved, and looked at me as if something was wrong with me. We had to go to church regularly and sit through some frightfully boring services. One day we were taken on an outing to hear Handel’s Messiah in a Cathedral and I was shocked when, because I had been naughty, I had to sit with the teachers. I really wanted to be different at my new school and, with the help of an excellent head mistress, I did improve a lot after a shaky start.

At about this time, new medical advances meant that the asthma and allergies I had could be treated with an inhaler instead of all the pills and medications. The pills made my pulse race and may have contributed to my general hyperactivity and inability to eat or sleep adequately. We would

Childhood 

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sleep in dormitories, but I never got to be dormitory captain which meant special privileges. At this time, I had very low self-esteem and felt like the ugly duckling. However, I became better behaved when the school recognised my good qualities and then I started to work harder.

Feeling like an ugly duckling probably wasn’t helped when, aged 10 at the first boarding school, we had a fancy dress competition. The parents had to provide the outfits and I won first prize as the ugly duckling. The only prize I ever remember winning at school!

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2Stories of my Wild Times

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After school, when I was about 18, I lived in London, with Jane. Our rent was £7 a week – not like that now! During this time Jane and I were pretty crazy and excited to be let loose on the world.

We created a ‘to do’ list. These were things we had to do before we died. And some of them were idiotic and dangerous. The list included shoplifting, taking lots of asthmatic pills to see if we died and acting out films by shouting out the lines up at people’s windows.  

2“Jane and I were pretty crazy and excited”

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An example of when Jane and I decided to complete one of our challenges was when we went shoplifting. There we were in the Topshop changing room. We dressed ourselves in all the stolen items in layers and attempted to walk out of the front door of the shop. But we got the ‘hand on the shoulder’ and were carted off to the police station where our finger prints were taken. We had to get someone to bail us out from there and were hauled up in court the very next day and fined £15. I was actually very frightened and glad to be let off the hook and not thrown in jail. The system worked well for me, and I never tried that again. 

The suicide attempt did not go well either…..we took loads of asthma pills with alcohol but felt extremely unwell, threw up everywhere, had a ruined weekend, and that was the end of that!

At this time, my sister had a lavish 21st birthday party. I was 18 and didn’t often get dressed up. On this occasion I did and for once I felt beautiful. I was dancing with a guy and we left the party early and went back to my sister’s flat. Finally, I was relieved to discover

that I actually fancied a man. Before this, it was sloppy kisses with sloppy boys in the back seat of the cinema and it left me cold. This time I was really going for it, but unfortunately, my mum noticed that I’d disappeared early and came back to the flat and caught us red handed. I was so annoyed with her and also a little embarrassed.

At 21 years old I went travelling. I tried plenty of alcohol, and then came across drugs. About this time, I was questioning the meaning of my life. I had a job working at a hotel walking around in a bikini taking photos of the customers on holiday. I could feel I was living a life that wasn’t me. One night two drunken men fell in the swimming pool of the apartment where I was living (in the Bahamas) – we helped them sober up and made them a meal. They were smart Canadian guys, not like our normal group of friends. One of them gave us his address in Toronto saying: ‘If you ever want to come and visit, let me know.’  Nine months later I badly needed a change, so I booked a flight to Toronto not telling anyone where I was going or

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why and sent a telegram to him saying: ‘Please meet me at the airport.’ So, there I was at the airport, met by this guy in his suit and tie. He must have forgotten the drunken evening and hardly remembered me. However, he drove me to a squat and left me there.

I loved it in Toronto with a bunch of 60’s hippies crowded into the squat. Although we were often using/dropping drugs, we knew we had to stay safe. So, we looked after each other by always having one person who didn’t take anything. For me taking drugs like marijuana or cannabis became a normal part of living. We were a strong community, looking after each other, cooking together, listening to Simon and Garfunkel or Bob Dylan and taking drugs together. We thought we were seeking, and finding, spiritual enlightenment. We lived harmoniously together, sharing eveything, some doing day jobs, others at college sharing their grant money. One job I took, was filling boxes with bleach bottles in a factory. It was a job you got in the morning and were paid at the end of the day, but it was so boring I had to leave

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My mother, sister and I arriving at a wedding

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by midday without getting paid. Another time a girl friend from

the squat and I decided to get a job as messengers carrying money. We thought maybe we would run off with the money and disappear. So, we created new names for ourselves so we wouldn’t get caught (mine was Emily Veski). It was amazingly easy to get an identity card in a different name which enabled us to get the job. However, we had to give references for previous jobs and those jobs had been in our real names. So, when the company checked our reference the truth came out and we got fired. Of course!

I became very close with one of the guys in the squat and eventually we decided to move out and get a place together. The only thing we could afford was an empty shop. We brought his cats with us. I remember one was called Sixtits which I thought was hilarious, and the other was Thisbe.

Taking these drugs did lead to me changing my life. One time, when I dropped acid, LSD, it was like I lifted up a lid that showed me that I was, and always had been, insane. I thought I had

opened a door to my insanity and would never be able to close it again. A really bad trip. Before this point I was completely fearless and didn’t think that I could ever be harmed by what I was doing. At last I had a letter from a friend of my mum, saying she was ill and I must go home. It was a bit of a white lie from my family – they were worried about me and just wanted me back.

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3Adult Life

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After my return from Toronto, I was looking for work. I thought that as I had experienced feeling mentally ill I could work in a mental hospital. My sister’s friend was staying with my mum when I got home and recommended instead a school in Bristol with special needs children. Within a week, I was living and working in Bristol. I was 22 years old and I did not see the woman who helped me get there for another 30 years. It was a Rudolf Steiner school, and they also

3“Isn’t it wonderful what Gini is doing?”

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offered a three-year training in curative education. They didn’t mind that I had almost no educational qualifications, they said life experience was valuable and took me on the course. The local council gave me a grant and my life changed. Suddenly I was hearing about all this fascinating spiritual stuff. For the first time in my life I started to pay attention. They were teaching me subjects that actually interested me! Also, there was wood carving, painting, weaving, general creativity, all of which I loved. So, after all the years of feeling that my mum was disappointed in me, it was incredible to hear how she would talk about me to her friends: ‘Isn’t it wonderful what Gini is doing?’ This made me feel proud that at last my mother thought what I was doing was useful.

With a grant from the council, I lived in a flat with two others and trained and worked at St Christopher’s School. At last I had found something I was good at. And I loved it all. I lived in Bristol from 1967 to 1970.

Afterwards I went back to London and got a job teaching autistic children

in a State Special School. One intriguing experience I had was when I was working with a severely autistic boy, Stephen, who was non-verbal. Strangely, he would speak to me in my sleep. We would have whole conversations. I really loved working there and had a very close relationship with all the pupils and the staff. I taught at this school from 1970 to 1980.

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4The 70s and Onwards

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At this special school, I met my friend Su who became the next person to accompany me on exploits. I had settled down a lot but the 70’s had its own energy. Women’s Lib came to my awareness. Su and I began going to ‘consciousness raising’ groups where we believed we needed to live without men. We both dabbled with lesbianism. Su took to it and has stayed that way till now. I enjoyed it – my partner was lovely, and her body so soft. But she was needy, she

4“I began going to ‘consciousness raising’ groups”

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actually wanted me to take a day off work to escort her to a dental appointment. So, I realised this was not for me and we split up.

In 1972, after various unsuccessful relationships, I met my first husband, Richard. He was giving lectures at Steiner House in London and was 28 years old. I remember he was wearing a red scarf, and he looked striking, rode a motorbike and soon introduced me to curry! We got chatting while preparing for a festival at Steiner House and I found out that he lived near me. It all fell into place quickly and all of sudden we were getting married and buying a house together. We were both very active in the anthroposophical world at that time.

One day at Steiner House, Rudy, an older friend of mine, brought a handsome young man called Lawrence to meet Richard and me. Lawrence and Richard hit it off and became best friends. We had our little terraced house in Hackney, which we had bought for £9,000 and Lawrence moved in with us – soon followed by John... it was like a mini-commune, all of us interested in Rudolf Steiner.

However, not long after this, Richard, who worked at a hospital as a physiotherapist, fell in love with a Chinese nurse. Richard left and I was really upset. So, there I was alone with Lawrence and John. I started having pretty intimate dreams about Lawrence – oh my goodness – it was very odd having breakfast with him after having those sorts of dreams. I really didn’t want to embark on a new relationship so soon after splitting with Richard and I tried my hardest to put Lawrence off – wearing filthy old overalls and a bath hat to make myself look awful, while we were painting one of the rooms. But it couldn’t be stopped. One day we were sitting beside each other on the sofa and Lawrence leant over and gave me a kiss on the top of the head. That was the beginning and not long after, he moved into my bedroom.

All through my early adult life, I had pretended that I didn’t want children, because I never thought I would have any; but secretly, I really did want a baby. During my early 30s, living with Lawrence, I got pregnant for the first

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time. A few weeks in, I contracted German Measles and the doctor asked: “when are you coming in for your termination?” I was shocked and didn’t like this attitude at all. His assumption that I would get rid of a child because it might be handicapped. I had been working for years with such children and loved them. I had heard lectures and talks from German Jews who told about how handicapped children and adults were gassed because of their disability. I felt that if a handicapped child wanted me then maybe I wanted it. However, this pregnancy did not come to full term and I lost the baby. This first pregnancy had not been deliberate, but it made me and Lawrence come to a realisation that we wanted to have a family.

So, I waited for three months as required after a miscarriage, and then became pregnant immediately. We got married and on June 1st 1980, Ricky popped out! He was born wide awake with huge brilliant blue eyes, which turned brown in a few days. I woke up after the birth to this never-ending crying baby. I had no idea what to do.

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My mother, sister and I arriving at a wedding

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Lawrence was not particularly helpful and said: “Couldn’t you at least pretend to know what you are doing?” Was this a joke? I don’t know. I knew that I was completely in love with my baby even before he was born. I carried him patiently everywhere as this seemed to calm him, but Lawrence found parenthood very challenging.

We had Will on Christmas Eve, 1982. I had dreamt about his name earlier. I had a massive burst of love for him as soon as he was born and laid in his cot. It was like my own little baby Jesus. He was christened by Evelyn Capel at the Christian Community in Hammersmith and named William Lawrence. Ricky had been christened at a few weeks old and named Richard Arthur. Unlike my first, this second baby slept the whole time, and it was ages before I saw his eyes, which by that time were already brown.

Poor old Lawrence, found fatherhood difficult. I kind of knew he wouldn’t stay, and sure enough, like my own father, he left. So, I was a single mother bringing up my two boys. I got a job with Barnardo’s looking after children at risk, along with

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my boys (I started this work before Will was born). I received the benefit of family credit to top up my finances as Lawrence was not a good provider and took up various hobbies. I joined a local black and white photography class, which had a creche for the children, and also did some woodwork. I made bunk beds for the boys and a wooden garden bench.

Following from the feminism of the 70’s I found myself in a mainly female environment. I became an activist. It was around the time of the Peace Camps at Greenham Common and I spent a good deal of time there, enjoying this nonconformist environment and committed to CND and the ideals of the Greenham Common Women’s Peace camps. This part of my life ended when Ricky needed a school. With others, I helped start the North London Steiner school. I had no money, no car, no husband and two small children. But a nearby friend shared her car and the Steiner school opened its doors to us.

Ricky’s teacher at the school, Regina, suggested that I should become a kindergarten teacher. So, the following

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Me at Greenham Common

My Greenham Common banner

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year, I applied for a job and got one, working alongside the kindergarten teacher as a helper. I didn’t get paid initially but by 1987, I was, and began teaching a class of my own. It turned out, I was good at it. Dear little tiny children, such a delightful age! Young children, as also the special needs children, always accepted me as I was, whatever I was wearing and my self-esteem grew. At this time my mother bought me a second-hand car which was a life saver. It was all work and no play, but I loved it; even the meetings until midnight didn’t bother me. I loved having my boys at home.

For a while I had a bi-polar friend living with me and she was a great help with the babysitting. Maggie helped me look after the boys. She was unpredictable and unbalanced but I love her just as she is! Annually the Steiner schools had an Easter Conference and I was able to go along while Maggie was looking after the children. Eventually Maggie got a place in a communal Philadelphia Association house, run on the therapeutic principles of R. D. Laing. So, when I went on the Easter Conference that year Maggie let

The

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the boys stay there with her. However, Ricky and Maggie had an argument and at 13 he was thrown out by her and told to go home and that meant from Maida Vale to Hackney. Poor Ricky, an anxious child, having to travel across London alone to get back to Hackney. And I wasn’t at home anyway! Luckily, he has always been resourceful and, having pulled himself together, he managed the journey. But then he didn’t know where to go. At last he knocked on a friend’s door. Luckily, they rang me up and I left the Easter Conference straight away. We then had to get Will back from Maggie. For several days, we couldn’t get hold of Maggie but eventually she turned up with Will and life was restored to normal. However, it was a long time before Ricky could trust Maggie again.

The Steiner school was hard work and finding teachers was never easy as we were not able to pay a decent salary. When I was 52, one of the kindergarten teachers left so I was running two kindergartens and working all hours of the day. I didn’t realise how over-worked I was. But then I was struck down in my

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prime! I was walking between the two classes when I slipped and landed on my knees, but I carried on, with black aching knees for three months until December. I felt really ill and during the Christmas holidays I staggered in to see the doctor who sent me directly to the hospital for treatment. I was diagnosed with polymyalgia rheumatica and had to go on steroids. I continued work like this, very unwell, for two years. I was then told I could have the PMR for 5 years and I knew I would have to reduce my work load. I had a belief that I was indispensable and this illness showed me that I was dispensable after all. I stopped the daily kindergarten teaching, and just carried on as the Senco, and with the admin. This was a really important time for me to stop and take stock of my life. At this time, my sister became ill, then my mother, and they both died within a few weeks of each other in 2003. I know that I would not have been able to cope if I was still working full time. As it was I had time to spend with them both at the ending of their lives.

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5Today

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It feels a bit strange, my dad left my mum with 2 girls and Lawrence left me with my 2 boys. But I have always had a positive outlook on life and feel that I am a strong person who can cope with things that happen in life. My spiritual practice has carried me through. I now live in Hoathly Hill, the most beautiful, magical place. My little house is filled with memories, I can look out over the South Downs and even in winter it is warm and cosy inside and I have developed a love for swimming in the sea.

5“My little house is filled with memories…”

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While I was meeting with Aggie I wrote this little poem to go at the end of her/my story:

Crone’s Leisure – with thanks to WH Davies

I love this life so free of care, Plenty of time to stand and stare. Time to stand beneath the boughs And stare as long as sheep or cows. 

Time to see, when woods I pass, Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass. Time to see, in broad daylight, Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

Not much need of things and stuffWhatever I have will be enough.Retirement life is full of blissWho would not love a life like this?

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Today

I’m still adventurous

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Author’sEndnote

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My weekly visits with Gini, with a hot chocolate and home-made biscuits, was a highlight. I was a bit apprehensive and not sure about why I had signed up for the project initially, but this all changed. I looked forward to Tuesdays and the new stories I would hear from Gini. I learned so much from her about life and love and her outlook. It was wonderful to experience such a good relationship with her and also to hear how our family paths have crossed over the years. I feel very honoured to be a part of this life story and to have shared the personal world of Gini.

Author’s Endnote

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Agnes Homer

I am 16 and I live on a farm. I have 3 older siblings. I love food and my dogs. I love going out and socialising. I am looking forward to getting to know someone new.

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