Habit 4Think Win-Win

Win-Lose: The Totem Pole

• Win-Lose is an attitude toward life that says the pie of success is only so big and if you get a big piece there is less for me

• Win-Lose is competitive known as the totem pole syndrome

• “I don’t care how good I am as long as I’m a notch higher than you on the totem pole

Win-Lose: The Totem Pole

• Win-Lose is full of pride

• “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man…” - C.S. Lewis

• We have all been raised to be competitive from an early age

• Most of us start playing t-ball or soccer at the age of 4!!

Win-Lose: The Totem Pole

• A Win-Lose attitude wears many faces:– Using other people for your own purposes– Trying to get ahead at the expense of another– Spreading rumors about someone else (putting

people down to make yourself feel better)– Always getting your way without thinking about

others– Becoming jealous when someone close to you

does something good or has something good happen to them

Win-Lose: The Totem Pole

• In the end Win-Lose will usually backfire, you may end up at the top of the totem pole, but you will be there alone without any friends

• Your winning has been at the expense of others

• “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” -Lily Tomlin

Lose-Win: The Doormat

• Lose-Win is the doormat syndrome

• You always want to be the nice guy

• You want everyone to be happy

• You want to be the peacemaker, it doesn’t matter what happens to you as long as everyone else is happy

Lose-Win: The Doormat

• With a Lose-Win attitude you’ll find yourself setting low expectations and compromising your standards

• Giving in to peer-pressure is lose-win, the group wants to ditch school, but you don’t. So you give in. What happens? You lose and they win

Lose-Win: The Doormat

• If you adopt lose-win as your attitude in life, then people will wipe their dirty feet on you

• It’s okay to let people win sometimes, but you want to make sure to choose your battles wisely

• Make sure that you take a stand on the important things

Lose-Lose: The Downward Spiral

• Lose-Lose says, “If I’m going down, then your going down with me.”

• Misery loves company

• War is a good example of Lose-Lose, both sides lose regardless of who “wins”

• Revenge is lose-lose, you think that you are winning, but you are really only hurting yourself

Lose-Lose: The Downward Spiral

• Lose-Lose can occur when someone becomes obsessed with someone else in a negative way

• You don’t care what happens to you, you just want the other person to be miserable as well

• Boyfriend/Girlfriend: People become too dependant on the other person and eventually this brings out the worst in both of them

Win-Win: The All-You-Can-Eat Buffet

• Win-Win is a belief that everyone can win

• It’s nice and tough at the same time: I won’t step on you, but at the same time, I won’t be your doormat.

• You want others to succeed, but you realize that you need to succeed as well

• Win-Win is the belief that there’s plenty of success to go around

Win-Win: The All-You-Can-Eat Buffet

• It’s not either you or me, it’s both of us

• There is enough food to go around, it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet

• Win-Win always creates more:– You recently got a promotion at your job, you

make sure to give recognition to those that helped you get there

Win-Win: The All-You-Can-Eat Buffet

– You are elected to an important office at school, instead of getting a big-head, you treat everyone the same

– Your best friend just got accepted at the college that you wanted to go to, although you are upset that you didn’t get in, you are happy for your friend

– You want to go out to eat, your friend wants to watch a movie, you compromise and rent a movie and pick up something to eat

How do you think Win-Win?

• Win the Private Victory first

• You have to work within yourself to gain self-confidence

• Personal security is the foundation for thinking Win-Win

Avoid the Tumor Twins

• There are two habits that, like tumors, can slowly eat you away from the inside

• They are twins are their names are competing and comparing

The Tumor Twins• Competing- competition can be extremely

helpful

• It drives us to improve, to reach and stretch

• Without it, we would never know how far we could push ourselves

• Competition is healthy when you compete against yourself, it is not when you are using it to try to be better than someone else

The Tumor Twins

• Comparing- comparing yourself to others is bad news

• Everyone develops and succeeds at different times- socially, mentally, and physically

• Everyone is different, so why should you expect yourself to match up to everyone else?

The Tumor Twins

• Building your life based on how you stack up compared to others is never good

• Most of the time in life, you can always find someone in life who is better at something than you are

• You don’t have to look, act, dress, or even be like anyone else

• You are your own individual and that is they way you should act

Think Win-Win

• Try to spend most of your time thinking Win-Win

• Start small and make an honest effort to try to change the way that you think

• It won’t happen over night, but if you try, eventually you will succeed