How Emotions can Enhance or

Derail your Career

By Joni Lindquist

March-April 2009

32 flourish! magazine March-April 2009 www.flourishmagazine.com

March-April 2009 flourish! magazine 33www.flourishmagazine.com

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hy do some leaders thrivewhile others with similarlevels of intelligence andtechnical competence donot? Cleary, technicalcompetence and brain

power matters. You must be good at what youdo, whether you are an accountant, engineer, orsalesperson. But there is ample researchsuggesting that “emotional intelligence” iswhat separates the most successful peoplefrom the also-rans. At its core, emotional intel-ligence is two things: 1) managing oneself and2) managing relationships with others in yourwork environment.

Inappropriate Use of EmotionsSo, what does it look like when someone is ineffective atmanaging themselves? Do you recognize yourself or others inthese descriptions?

• “Dr. Jekyll and Mr./Ms. Hyde.” These people are inconsistentin their behavior and how they treat others, dependingon what is happening with them. Their inability to controltheir emotions leads them to become the dreadedMr./Ms. Hyde – a not-so-nice human being. They areclueless about how their behavior swings negativelyimpact their relationships with others.

• “Ready – Fire – Aim.” These leaders tend to jump toconclusions, often based on emotions rather than facts, anddon’t think things through before acting. This impulsivenessleads to poor decision making, resistance to change, andundertaking the wrong actions.

• “Know It All.” Refuses to engage others in key projects,processes and decision-making. These folks tend to notunderstand their own strengths and weaknesses. Thisblindness to their own weaknesses and arrogance leadsto underperformance from themselves and those around them.

And what does it look like when someone struggles in managingtheir relationships with others?

• “All About Me.” These folks only care about themselves.They show little to no empathy to those they workaround. The organization is there to serve them. Nosurprise, they struggle with building strong and trustingrelationships.

• “Stone Cold.” Perhaps the opposite extreme from “Jekyll &

Hyde,” this person is unemotional and detached. They donot engage with others in a supportive way. While theykeep negative emotions out of the work place, they alsoshow no positive, encouraging emotions either. They do not“connect” with others.

These examples show a range of emotion-driven behaviorthat can derail one’s career. The ability to manage your ownemotions and empathize with others to build strong relationshipsis critical to your career success. If any of the above resonates withyou, perhaps you need to focus on your “emotional intelligence.”

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Too often we can get locked into an argument orposition without stepping back and putting ourselvesin the other’s shoes. Tuning in to how others arefeeling and being able to respond appropriately isthe key.

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34 flourish! magazine March-April 2009

Using Your Emotions in a Positive MannerAs our “Stone Cold” character showed, becoming robots andshowing no emotion is not the answer. How can you harnessyour emotions in a positive way?

As with many things in life, awareness is the foundation. Youmust be aware of your own emotional responses and what triggersyour “negative” responses to rear their ugly heads. What sortsof people or situations set you off? Your options are to changethe people/situation or change your response to it. The optionyou can best control is to change your behavior.

But before you change, you need to increase your awareness ofother’s emotions and tune in to them. Too often we can getlocked into an argument or position without stepping back andputting ourselves in the other’s shoes. Tuning in to how othersare feeling and being able to respond appropriately is the key.Upon recognizing your emotions and the emotions of others,positive interactions will occur when you can match yourbehavior to the situation.

We all know leaders who intuitively seem to know when topraise people, when to challenge them, when to use humor, andwhen to be serious. Not only do they have a repertoire of behaviorto use, they are in tune with the others and know what will workfor that particular situation. That is what you should strive for.

Can You Learn to Manage Your Emotions?Yes. There are assessments available to test these “soft skill”areas and to receive feedback from those you work with. Withthis information, you can begin to focus on your specific issues.Working with an executive coach strategizing ways to changebehavior can also help you make the necessary changes.Changing our behavior as adults is hard but can be well worththe effort when it leads you to greater career success!

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Joni Lindquist is president of

KHC Executive Coaching,a division of KHC WealthManagement Services.

Contact her at 913.345.1881 orjlindquist@makinglifecount.com.

• Harnessing one’s emotions, or emotionalintelligence, separates the most successful leaders from others.

• There are numerous ways where emotions candamage your own performance and negativelyimpact your relationships at work.

• To effectively use emotions, you must becomeaware of both yours and others’ emotions andlearn to match your behavior to the situation.

Can you control it?

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