how to coach employees with compassion (part 1)

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Suzanne Rotondo and Gretchen Schmelzer Master coach faculty members for Teleos’ flagship coach development and certification program In the first of a three-part series on coaching, Suzanne and Gretchen will discuss, “What Neuropsychology Tells Us About the Positive Impact of Coaching with Compassion.”

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Coaching with CompassionTeleos Leadership Institute

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1Rypple Leadership SeriesYour HostNick SteinDirector of Content & Media Rypple@stein_nick

Our Guests

Suzanne Rotondo & Gretchen SchmelzerExecutive Director & Senior ConsultantTeleos Leadership Institute

Coaching with Rypple

Rypple Leadership SeriesYour HostNick SteinDirector of Content & Media Rypple@stein_nick

Our Guests

Suzanne Rotondo & Gretchen SchmelzerExecutive Director & Senior ConsultantTeleos Leadership Institute

PollingWhere in the world are you?

How many people do you manage?

Have you ever had a good coaching manager?

To get the most out of todays webinarBe here.Be open.Have a notebook and a pen to write.Be willing to commit to action.

About Teleos Leadership Institute

Teleos is the team behind New York Times bestselling business books and numerous articles on leadership in Harvard Business Review.Founded in 2001 by scholar/practitioners in leadership. We emphasize mindfulness, hope and compassion as key to success.

We are executive coaches and also train and supervise other executive coaches, both one on one and inside large organizations that want to have a coaching culture.

Based on research in neuropsychology, group dynamics, emotional intelligence, organizational development, and more.

Based in Philadelphia, USA. Teleos works in many fields: UNDP, Unisys, Google, US Steel, UniCreditBanc, Prudential UK, Nature ConservancyCoaching with Compassion TimelineWhat well cover todayMindset of a coaching managerHow people really change and developWhat exactly coaching managers do, and how they do it Why compassion matters: neuropsychologyAsk you to go through some of the exercises that you can then take your direct reports through

Well get specific with a process.

Mindset of a Coaching ManagerInvests their energy in another person to help them reach their desired potentialboth personally and professionally.

Mindset of Coaching ManagerBeyond tracking performance and results, finds the highest and best points of intersection between the aspirations/goals of direct report(s) and what the organization needs.

What Does a Coaching Manager Do?Creates conditions for a person to maximize her/his performance and potential

Helps a person move from her/his current situation to where s/he wants to be

Behaves in ways that engender trust and trustworthiness: respectful, curious, timely, consistent, present, caringA Coaching Manager is (not)WHO HELPED ME?Think of the people who helped you the most in your life and career, the people about whom you would say, Without this person, I would not be the person I am today.

What did they say and do? How did you feel at the time? What did you learn from them?

What did they do?Saw true potential in youWanted whats best for you and advocating for itShowed you valuable lessons about how to be a leader and/or a personTold you the truth, even when it was toughGave you opportunitiesBelieved in you

3 MYTHS ABOUT HOW PEOPLE TYPICALLY CHANGE

Myth #1: Information Is EnoughTHE TRUTH:

Most of the time, when a person is not performing well, its NOT an information problem.

Then what is it?How many of you know the requirements of good nutrition? How many of you follow this all of the time?

17Information VS GrowthCOGNITIVEMind/Body/Heart/Spirit

Our left brains may take in information, but our right brains needs to embed the learning through relationships and practice leading to integration and growth.

We are a social species, people learn through relationships

19People Dont Learn on Their Own

We are wired to learn through relationshipWe learn from watching others/selfWe learn from feedback

Neuropsychology: Mirror Neurons

Lie next to motor neuronsWhen we scenario plan or watch others, our brains fire as if we were doing the actWe are wired for co-experience with othersThis is key to empathy and compassion

Myth #2: Emotions Dont MatterTHE TRUTH: Emotions are contagious, they affect our behavior constantly.Resonance is contagiousso is dissonanceNeuropsychology: Emotions are contagious

The brain has an open loop systemWe are wired to pick up subtle clues from one another23Elaine Hatfield, John Cacioppo, and Richard Rapson, Emotional Contagion (New York: Cambridge University Press, 1994)Paul Ekman, Joseph J. Campos, Richard J. Davidson and Frans DeWaals, Emotions Inside Out. Volume 1000. (New York: Annals of the NY Academy of Sciences, 2003)Lyndall Strazdins, Emotional work and emotional contagion, in Emotions in the Workplace: Research, Theory and Practice, eds. Neal Ashkanasy, Wilfred Zerbe and Charmine Hartel (Westport, CT: Quorum Books): 232-250.

So why compassion?Our brains are wired for fight or flight.

Our brains shut down from stress. Work and life can be stressful. So...cognition becomes impaired, we go myopic.

Positive emotions prime the pump for information to be taken in.

Compassion promotes expansiveness in the brain > change is now possible.

Myth #3: They didnt change because they didnt try hard enoughTHE TRUTH:

Lasting change must be tied to desire, not shoulds.New habits take time and practice.

Neuropsychology: Neurogenesis

In order to lay down new neural pathways, you need to repeat new behaviors.

100 x makes a habit or ninety days for new learning (10,000 hours makes an expert)

People love change when its tied to something they want

Desire for Y x Practice of Y = New Behavior YMeeting OneBefore Meeting:Mindset and preparation for meeting

During Meeting:Establish trust, set the emotional climateStart the conversation: What are my aspirations?Assignment: 3 Reflection Exercises

Step 1: Your Prep as a CoachStep 2: Establish Trust, Set the Emotional Climate

THE CONVERSATION:

Hi, Ive been thinking about this meeting for a while, and have been looking forward to having some time with you. I want to talk to you about your aspirations for your work here and your ultimate goalsboth professionally and personally.

Before our next meeting Im going to ask you to do some reflections about what you really want. Lets find some developmental goals that really excite you and find the best way to get there.

How does this sound to you?Prepare your Coachee for Conversation:Three reflection exercises:27 thingsAt My BestNoble purpose 27 ThingsList 27 things you want to do before you die on a piece of paper

What seems to be most important to you?What values are driving your choices?

At My BestDescribe a time at work when you were firing on all cylinders.

What did you do? How did you feel? What did you contribute or accomplish?

What were the circumstances that helped make this possible?

My Noble PurposeIf I could accomplish one thing in my life, it would be

If I could make an important contribution to my work, it would be

Something I wish I could change in my work is

If I had the power to make any change at all in the world, it would be...

My noble purpose is...

Meeting Two: Followup Conversation

Meeting Two: Use ScaffoldingListeningparaphrasing RestatingInquirySo, heres what it sounds like is really important to you over the medium and long term. Did I get that right?THE CONVERSATION:

Now, youve done some reflections. How did that go for you?What did you think about or discover?

Remember: Power of leader, your whisper is a screamInquiryOpen-ended and clarifying questions (here are some examples) Help me understand that? What do you mean by that? Can you tell me more about that?Is there anything else you want me to understand about that?

Step 3 closing: Prep for Next Meeting

THE CONVERSATION: CLOSING

I really appreciated this time with you, it was really interesting to learn about what you want out of work and your life. Im looking forward to seeing how to help you make this happen.

For our next meeting, the next step is getting a sense of how things are going todaywhats working. Your task before the next meeting is to reflect on the strengths that you bring to your role and the ones that maybe you have that you dont get to share here.SummaryChange IS A PROCESS, it takes time.

Coaching with Compassion TimelineUpcoming Rypple WebinarsLead with PurposeTuesday, November 1, 2011John Baldoni Baldoni Consulting LLC

Teleos Coaching Series Part 2Tuesday, Novembers 29, 2011Suzanne Rotondo Teleos Leadership Institute

Q & A

Contact Uswww.teleosleaders.com

srotondo@teleosleaders.com

gschmelzer@teleosleader.com

Teleos Leadership Institute7837 Old York RoadElkins Park, PA 19027267.620.9999

ReferencesBoyatzis, R. & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership: Renewing Yourself and Connecting With Others Through Mindfulness, Hope, and Compassion. Boston: Harvard Business School Press.

Boyatsis, R., Mckee, A., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a Resonant Leader. Boston: Harvard Business School Press.

Boyatzis, R. E., Jack, A., Cesaro, R., Passarelli, A. & Khawaja, M. (2010). Coaching with Compassion: An fMRI Study of Coaching to the Positive or Negative Emotional Attractor. Presented at the Annual Meeting of the Academy of Management, Montreal.

Boyatzis, R.E., Passarelli, A.P., Koenig, K., Lowe, M., Mathew, B., Stoller, J. & Phillips, M. (under review). Examination of the Neural Substrates Activated in Experiences with Resonant & Dissonant Leaders. Leadership Quarterly.

Boyatzis, R.