I AM HURTING SO BAD … I CANNOT GO ON ANYMORE … ? I AM HURTING SO BAD … I CANNOT GO ON ANYMORE … ? (10.2.13)(10.2.13)

YES WE ALL HAVE OUR DIFFERENT HURTS …YES WE ALL HAVE OUR DIFFERENT HURTS …

YOU THINK YOUR HURT IS BIG ? THEN SOMEONE ELSE TELLS YOU THINK YOUR HURT IS BIG ? THEN SOMEONE ELSE TELLS YOU A STORY, THAT IS EVEN MORE WORSE THAN YOURS …YOU A STORY, THAT IS EVEN MORE WORSE THAN YOURS …

THE THING ABOUT HURT IS THAT YOU MUST KNOW THAT IT THE THING ABOUT HURT IS THAT YOU MUST KNOW THAT IT WILL EVENTUALLY STOP …WILL EVENTUALLY STOP …

TAKE A SORE … PUT THE RIGHT OINTMENT ON IT AND WITH TAKE A SORE … PUT THE RIGHT OINTMENT ON IT AND WITH TIME IT WILL BE HEALED …TIME IT WILL BE HEALED …

DIFFERENT BODY ALEMENTS ALL NEEDS DIFFERENT DIFFERENT BODY ALEMENTS ALL NEEDS DIFFERENT MEDICINES…MEDICINES…

PAIN OF THE HEART …PAIN OF THE HEART …

WHAT IS THE MAIN CAUSE OF PAIN OF THE HEART IS … ? LOVEWHAT IS THE MAIN CAUSE OF PAIN OF THE HEART IS … ? LOVE

YOU LOVED … THEN THEY DID NOT LOVE YOU ANYMORE … YOU LOVED … THEN THEY DID NOT LOVE YOU ANYMORE … THERE ARE OFCOURSE DIFFERENT REASONS WHY THEY THERE ARE OFCOURSE DIFFERENT REASONS WHY THEY DON’T LUV YOU ANYMORE … BUT YOU ARE TOO PROUD TO DON’T LUV YOU ANYMORE … BUT YOU ARE TOO PROUD TO LET US KNOW THE REAL TRUTH …LET US KNOW THE REAL TRUTH …

IF WE KNEW YOUR OBSESSION WE WILL NOT FEEL SORRY FOR IF WE KNEW YOUR OBSESSION WE WILL NOT FEEL SORRY FOR YOU ANYMORE … AND WE WILL NOT HELP TO WIN YOUR LOVE YOU ANYMORE … AND WE WILL NOT HELP TO WIN YOUR LOVE BACK …BACK …

YOU WANT US ALSO TO FEEL YOUR PAIN , AND YOUR HATRED YOU WANT US ALSO TO FEEL YOUR PAIN , AND YOUR HATRED FOR HIM OR HER THAT LEFT YOU … SO YOU KEEP UP THIS FOR HIM OR HER THAT LEFT YOU … SO YOU KEEP UP THIS LOVE SICK – BULLSHIT …LOVE SICK – BULLSHIT …

YOU MESSED UP , SO CLEAN YOUR ACT, AND SHOW YOUR YOU MESSED UP , SO CLEAN YOUR ACT, AND SHOW YOUR SOFTSIDE … LIKE A DELECTABLE SOFTSERVE READY FOR ITS SOFTSIDE … LIKE A DELECTABLE SOFTSERVE READY FOR ITS FIRST LICK … YEH YEH FIRST LICK … YEH YEH

LOVE CANNOT BE USED LIKE A WEAPON … OH SO YOU LOVE LOVE CANNOT BE USED LIKE A WEAPON … OH SO YOU LOVE ME ? SO NOW YOU MUST DO AS I SAY … OR …ME ? SO NOW YOU MUST DO AS I SAY … OR …

YOU ARE NOW MY POSESSION BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME … OR I YOU ARE NOW MY POSESSION BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME … OR I LOVE YOU ! SO I AM GOING TO HURT YOU WHEN YOU TALK LOVE YOU ! SO I AM GOING TO HURT YOU WHEN YOU TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE … ? TO OTHER PEOPLE … ?

I ONCE HAD TO MAKE A CHOICE , SOMEONE ASKED ME FOR A I ONCE HAD TO MAKE A CHOICE , SOMEONE ASKED ME FOR A RELATIONSHIP , BUT I HAD TO WAIT FOR TWO YEARS RELATIONSHIP , BUT I HAD TO WAIT FOR TWO YEARS BEFORE WE COULD BE TOGETHER … I JUST TOLD THE BEFORE WE COULD BE TOGETHER … I JUST TOLD THE PERSON TO FINISH THEIR BUSINESS AND I WILL WAIT … PERSON TO FINISH THEIR BUSINESS AND I WILL WAIT …

WE SHOULD NOT PUT PRESSURE ON THE ONE WE LOVE … WE SHOULD NOT PUT PRESSURE ON THE ONE WE LOVE … THE LOVE MUST BE NATURAL … WILLING … AND TIMING IS THE LOVE MUST BE NATURAL … WILLING … AND TIMING IS ALSO VERY IMPORTANT … ALSO VERY IMPORTANT …

TO MAKE TIME FOR ONE ANOTHER IS TOP PRIORITY … TO MAKE TIME FOR ONE ANOTHER IS TOP PRIORITY …

WE MAKE BIG MISTAKES IS RELATIONSHIPS … WE MOST OF WE MAKE BIG MISTAKES IS RELATIONSHIPS … WE MOST OF THE TIME THINKS WITH OUR PENIS OR VAGINA …OR ASS THE TIME THINKS WITH OUR PENIS OR VAGINA …OR ASS NOWADAYS …NOWADAYS …

THEN WE HAVE THE WRONG PERSON …THAT WE THINK WE THEN WE HAVE THE WRONG PERSON …THAT WE THINK WE LOVE … LOVE …

THE BIBLE SAYS : LOVE IS PATIENT , KIND …THE BIBLE SAYS : LOVE IS PATIENT , KIND …

SO THE LOVE WE HAVE FOR EACH OTHER ONLY LASTS A FEW SO THE LOVE WE HAVE FOR EACH OTHER ONLY LASTS A FEW YEARS , THEN WE GROW IMPATIENT …YEARS , THEN WE GROW IMPATIENT …

LOVE DOES SEEK THINGS FOR ITSELF : OH THAT IS WHAT I LOVE DOES SEEK THINGS FOR ITSELF : OH THAT IS WHAT I WANT , IT DOES NOT MATTER MY PARTNER’S NEEDS NOR WANT , IT DOES NOT MATTER MY PARTNER’S NEEDS NOR WANTS … THIS OFTEN HAPPENS WHEN WE WANT TO WANTS … THIS OFTEN HAPPENS WHEN WE WANT TO IMPRESS OTHER PEOPLE AT THE EXPENSE OF OUR OWN AT IMPRESS OTHER PEOPLE AT THE EXPENSE OF OUR OWN AT HOME … ARE WE THERE YET … ?HOME … ARE WE THERE YET … ?

WE HAVE THE WRONG JOBS …WE HAVE THE WRONG JOBS …

WE ARE ACTUALLY VERY GOOD RECORD – KEEPERS …WE ARE ACTUALLY VERY GOOD RECORD – KEEPERS …

WE ESPECIALLY LIKE TO KEEP RECORD OF ALL THE WRONG WE ESPECIALLY LIKE TO KEEP RECORD OF ALL THE WRONG OTHER’S HAVE DONE … OTHER’S HAVE DONE …

OH IT FEELS SO GOOD INSIDE WHEN WE HEAR A NASTY OH IT FEELS SO GOOD INSIDE WHEN WE HEAR A NASTY STORY OF BETRAYAL OF OUR NEIGHBOURS …STORY OF BETRAYAL OF OUR NEIGHBOURS …

THEN WE FEEL IN CONTROL , BECAUSE WE WILL NEVER DO THEN WE FEEL IN CONTROL , BECAUSE WE WILL NEVER DO SUCH A “THING” …SUCH A “THING” …

WE SHOULD JUST THEN AND THERE PRAY FOR THOSE … WE SHOULD JUST THEN AND THERE PRAY FOR THOSE … INSTEAD OF JUDGING …INSTEAD OF JUDGING …

OH AND WHEN PEOPLE GET DE - SAUSAGED THEN ALL KNOW OH AND WHEN PEOPLE GET DE - SAUSAGED THEN ALL KNOW EVERYTHING … AND EVERYONE SAW IT COMING …EVERYTHING … AND EVERYONE SAW IT COMING …

I HAVE BEEN DE – SAUSAGED … IT IS ONE OF THE WORST I HAVE BEEN DE – SAUSAGED … IT IS ONE OF THE WORST THINGS THAT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE … (DIVORSE)THINGS THAT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE … (DIVORSE)

YOU BUILT UP FEELINGS FOR YEARS … AND NOW YOU MUST YOU BUILT UP FEELINGS FOR YEARS … AND NOW YOU MUST PRETEND YOU HAVE NEVER LOVED THIS PERSON …PRETEND YOU HAVE NEVER LOVED THIS PERSON …

AND SOME FRIENDS AND FAMILY MAKES IT WORSE TO TRY TO PUT AND SOME FRIENDS AND FAMILY MAKES IT WORSE TO TRY TO PUT YOU BACK TOGETHER AGAIN … OR SOME JUST WANT TO TALK YOU BACK TOGETHER AGAIN … OR SOME JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS PERSON WHILE YOU ARE IN PAIN …ABOUT THIS PERSON WHILE YOU ARE IN PAIN …

IT FEELS AS IF YOU HAVE LOST SOMEONE TO DEATH … AND YOU IT FEELS AS IF YOU HAVE LOST SOMEONE TO DEATH … AND YOU HAVE CRIED OUT YOUR HEART , ONLY TO SEE THERE IS THIS HAVE CRIED OUT YOUR HEART , ONLY TO SEE THERE IS THIS PERSON STILL … IT FEELS ASIF SOMETHING DIES WITHIN YOU …PERSON STILL … IT FEELS ASIF SOMETHING DIES WITHIN YOU …

YOU CANNOT SLEEP FOR MANY MONTHS … SOME PEOPLE GO OUT TO YOU CANNOT SLEEP FOR MANY MONTHS … SOME PEOPLE GO OUT TO PARTIES, BUT THEY JUST SIT HERE AND SOB …PARTIES, BUT THEY JUST SIT HERE AND SOB …

OTHERS DRINK A LOT … I STUDIED AND IMPROVED MY OTHERS DRINK A LOT … I STUDIED AND IMPROVED MY QUALIFICATIONS … AT NIGHT I WOULD STUDY TILL EARLY IN THE QUALIFICATIONS … AT NIGHT I WOULD STUDY TILL EARLY IN THE MORNING … I HATED TO SLEEP , BECAUSE THEN I WOULD THINK MORNING … I HATED TO SLEEP , BECAUSE THEN I WOULD THINK ABOUT A LOT OF OLD THINGS …ABOUT A LOT OF OLD THINGS …

AND SLEEPING PILLS ONLY LAST FOR 5 HOURS … THEN BACK TO AND SLEEPING PILLS ONLY LAST FOR 5 HOURS … THEN BACK TO REALITY … REALITY …

SOME SAY YOU SHOULD GO OUT AND DANCE … OR TAKE PART IN A RACE OR TAKE SOME SAY YOU SHOULD GO OUT AND DANCE … OR TAKE PART IN A RACE OR TAKE PART IN SOMETHING WORTHWHILE … OR TO HELP THE POOR OR SOMETHING …PART IN SOMETHING WORTHWHILE … OR TO HELP THE POOR OR SOMETHING …

I ALSO DID ALL THAT … BUT YOU KNOW THAT I LEARNED A LOT ABOUT MYSELF … I ALSO DID ALL THAT … BUT YOU KNOW THAT I LEARNED A LOT ABOUT MYSELF …

WHEN IT ALL BECOMES SILENT … WHEN EVERYBODY LEAVES …THEN YOU ARE ALL WHEN IT ALL BECOMES SILENT … WHEN EVERYBODY LEAVES …THEN YOU ARE ALL ALONE … YOU AND ALL YOUR PROBLEMS … YOU CAN OFCOURSE ALSO FEEL ALL ALONE … YOU AND ALL YOUR PROBLEMS … YOU CAN OFCOURSE ALSO FEEL ALL ALONE EVEN IF YOU ARE MARRIED , AND WITH A LOT OF CHILDREN …ALONE EVEN IF YOU ARE MARRIED , AND WITH A LOT OF CHILDREN …

I HAVE FOUND PRAYER TO BE A GREAT HELP … I POURED EVERYTHING OUT TO THE I HAVE FOUND PRAYER TO BE A GREAT HELP … I POURED EVERYTHING OUT TO THE LORD … I CRIED … AND WAS ANGRY AT HIM … FOR WHY DID HE LET THIS BAD LORD … I CRIED … AND WAS ANGRY AT HIM … FOR WHY DID HE LET THIS BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO ME … DID HE NOT CARE ? …THINGS HAPPEN TO ME … DID HE NOT CARE ? …

I HATED THE DAY I WAS BORN … IN THE BIBLE JOB WAS ALSO ANGRY , AND WISHED I HATED THE DAY I WAS BORN … IN THE BIBLE JOB WAS ALSO ANGRY , AND WISHED HE WAS NOT BORN … HE WAS NOT BORN …

AND THEN AFTER THE PRAYER … THE BIG SILENCE … AND THEN AFTER THE PRAYER … THE BIG SILENCE …

““DID GOD RECEIVE MY MESSAGE … IS HE AWAKE ? … I HAVE SAID SO MANY THINGS DID GOD RECEIVE MY MESSAGE … IS HE AWAKE ? … I HAVE SAID SO MANY THINGS …. DID I OFFEND GOD ? ……. DID I OFFEND GOD ? …

IN THE MORNING I WOULD TELL MYSELF : “ANOTHER DAY IN IN THE MORNING I WOULD TELL MYSELF : “ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE “ …PARADISE “ …

I WOULD ASK MYSELF : “ WHY DIDN’T GOD FINISH IT ALL … I WOULD ASK MYSELF : “ WHY DIDN’T GOD FINISH IT ALL … THEN I WOULD NOT TO GO OUT TO FACE THE WORLD …THEN I WOULD NOT TO GO OUT TO FACE THE WORLD …

SMALL THINGS THAT I HAVE LEARNT ALSO WAS VERY SMALL THINGS THAT I HAVE LEARNT ALSO WAS VERY VALUEBLE … THINGS THAT I LEARNT LONG AGO …LIKE VALUEBLE … THINGS THAT I LEARNT LONG AGO …LIKE HYMNS OR A CHORUS … THAT JUST POPPED UP IN MY HEAD HYMNS OR A CHORUS … THAT JUST POPPED UP IN MY HEAD I WOULD SING … I WOULD SING …

MUSIC CAN HELP TO SET A POSITIVE MINDSET, BUT BEWARE MUSIC CAN HELP TO SET A POSITIVE MINDSET, BUT BEWARE THE WRONG MUSIC MIGHT LET THE TEARS FALL ALL OVER THE WRONG MUSIC MIGHT LET THE TEARS FALL ALL OVER AGAIN …AGAIN …

CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS RIGHT , BECAUSE GOOD FRIENDS CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS RIGHT , BECAUSE GOOD FRIENDS WILL LET YOU GROW SPIRITUALLY … THAT IS WHAT YOU WILL LET YOU GROW SPIRITUALLY … THAT IS WHAT YOU NEED … FOOD FOR YOUR HUNGRY SOUL … NOT MORE NEED … FOOD FOR YOUR HUNGRY SOUL … NOT MORE BITTERNESS … REMEMBER YOU ARE ON THE MOUNTAIN IN BITTERNESS … REMEMBER YOU ARE ON THE MOUNTAIN IN A BLIZZARD … YOU CANNOT TURN BACK … A BLIZZARD … YOU CANNOT TURN BACK …

FOCUS ON THE LORD … MOVING , … CREEPING FORWARD FOCUS ON THE LORD … MOVING , … CREEPING FORWARD EVERYDAY EVERYDAY

I TOLD MYSELF NOMORE NEGATIVE INFLUENCES … EAT I TOLD MYSELF NOMORE NEGATIVE INFLUENCES … EAT POSITIVE … DRINK POSITIVE MOVE POSITIVE … PRAY POSITIVE … DRINK POSITIVE MOVE POSITIVE … PRAY POSITIVE … POSITIVE …

COS GOD DON’T MAKE THIS MODEL ANYMORE … GLORY COS GOD DON’T MAKE THIS MODEL ANYMORE … GLORY HALLELUJAH … HALLELUJAH …

SO MY QUESTION WAS “ WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU HAVE SO MY QUESTION WAS “ WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU HAVE FALLEN ? …FALLEN ? …

OH AND THE BIG “ T “ , TRUST …OH AND THE BIG “ T “ , TRUST …

HOW AM I GOING TO TRUST HIM OR HER AGAIN ? HOW AM I GOING TO TRUST HIM OR HER AGAIN ? ROME WAS NOT BUILT IN A DAY … TO BUILD UP TRUST TAKE A ROME WAS NOT BUILT IN A DAY … TO BUILD UP TRUST TAKE A

LOT OF TME BETWEEN PEOPLE …LOT OF TME BETWEEN PEOPLE …

AT FIRST A LITTLE FREEDOM , THEN LATER , MORE FREEDOM , AT FIRST A LITTLE FREEDOM , THEN LATER , MORE FREEDOM , AND AT THE END THE LOST TRUST HAS BEEN EARNED AND AT THE END THE LOST TRUST HAS BEEN EARNED AGAIN …AGAIN …

THERE SHOULD BE CHECK – POINT WITH THIS TRUST ISSUE …THERE SHOULD BE CHECK – POINT WITH THIS TRUST ISSUE …YOU SHOULD ASK THIS PERSON AT THE BEGINNING … IF HE YOU SHOULD ASK THIS PERSON AT THE BEGINNING … IF HE

OR SHE IS WILLING TO COMMIT TO EARNING YOUR TRUST … OR SHE IS WILLING TO COMMIT TO EARNING YOUR TRUST … AGAIN …AGAIN …

REMEMBER SOME PEOPLE ARE VERY GOOD LIERS … THEY REMEMBER SOME PEOPLE ARE VERY GOOD LIERS … THEY WOULD AGAIN TAKE YOU AS A FOOL IF YOU LET THEM …WOULD AGAIN TAKE YOU AS A FOOL IF YOU LET THEM …

BECAUSE IT IS JUST THE WAY THEY HAVE BEEN FROM THE BECAUSE IT IS JUST THE WAY THEY HAVE BEEN FROM THE START , WHILE YOU DID NOT NOTICE … OR THEY HAVE START , WHILE YOU DID NOT NOTICE … OR THEY HAVE BEEN INFLUENCED BY RELATIONSHIPS TO BE SO , … OR BEEN INFLUENCED BY RELATIONSHIPS TO BE SO , … OR THEY HAVE INHERITED, SLY AND DECEITFUL THEY HAVE INHERITED, SLY AND DECEITFUL CHARACTERISTICS … CHARACTERISTICS …

IF THE PERSON WAS LIKE THEY ARE BEFORE THE MARRIAGE … IF THE PERSON WAS LIKE THEY ARE BEFORE THE MARRIAGE … MARRIAGE WILL NOT CHANGE THEM , …MARRIAGE WILL NOT CHANGE THEM , …

SO YOU WANT TO USE MARRIAGE AS A TOOL TO CHANGE A SO YOU WANT TO USE MARRIAGE AS A TOOL TO CHANGE A PERSON , … SORRY IT DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT , … A PERSON , … SORRY IT DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT , … A LEOPARD CANNOT CHANGE HIS SPOTS …LEOPARD CANNOT CHANGE HIS SPOTS …

I HAD TROUBLE WITH MY WIFE IN VARIOUS ASPECTS OF OUR LIVES , I HAD TROUBLE WITH MY WIFE IN VARIOUS ASPECTS OF OUR LIVES , … …

WHEN I SAID “ I DO “ I ALREADY LOST THE BATTLE … BECAUSE … WHEN I SAID “ I DO “ I ALREADY LOST THE BATTLE … BECAUSE … NOW SHE HAS LICENCE TO TRANSFORM ME INTO WHAT SHE NOW SHE HAS LICENCE TO TRANSFORM ME INTO WHAT SHE WANTS … IN TIME THAT IS … OR I COULD BEAT THE HELL OUT OF WANTS … IN TIME THAT IS … OR I COULD BEAT THE HELL OUT OF HER … AND SHE WILL APPEAR OR PRETEND TO HAVE CHANGED HER … AND SHE WILL APPEAR OR PRETEND TO HAVE CHANGED OUT OF FEAR …OUT OF FEAR …

AND SHE WILL WATCH ME CLOSELY TO LOOK FOR LITTLE AND SHE WILL WATCH ME CLOSELY TO LOOK FOR LITTLE WEAKSPOTS IN MY ARMOURMENT TO ATTACK ME WHEN I AM AT WEAKSPOTS IN MY ARMOURMENT TO ATTACK ME WHEN I AM AT MY MOST VULNERABLE …MY MOST VULNERABLE …

DON’T MAKE HIM OR HER A SKELM … RATHER LET HIM GO … AND DON’T MAKE HIM OR HER A SKELM … RATHER LET HIM GO … AND THE OTHER QUESTION IS … ; “WILL THEY GO ? THE OTHER QUESTION IS … ; “WILL THEY GO ?

AFTER WE HAVE WINED AND DINED AND CARRESED THEM , … THEY AFTER WE HAVE WINED AND DINED AND CARRESED THEM , … THEY HAVE SEEN OUR PRECIOUS SOFTSPOTS, WHICH NONE OTHER HAVE SEEN OUR PRECIOUS SOFTSPOTS, WHICH NONE OTHER PEOPLE HAS , SO THEY PLAY THEIR GAMES TO KEEP US SORT – OF PEOPLE HAS , SO THEY PLAY THEIR GAMES TO KEEP US SORT – OF INTERESTED – NOT TO LET US FALL INTO REAL HAPPINESS … INTERESTED – NOT TO LET US FALL INTO REAL HAPPINESS …

OOPS THE ART OF GRAPPLING … AINT IT A SLY BUSINESS … ?OOPS THE ART OF GRAPPLING … AINT IT A SLY BUSINESS … ?

AND OUR EYES ARE KEPT SHUT … LIKE A LAMB TO THE …AND OUR EYES ARE KEPT SHUT … LIKE A LAMB TO THE …