i am, i am not, i am part i
DESCRIPTION
Based on a true life story of a spiritual aspirant who is introduced to the Avatar of the 20th century "MEHER BABA", and his spiritual adventures during the process of involution.TRANSCRIPT
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Real happiness lies in making others happyAvatar Meher Baba
A true spiritual journey in modern times..........
Author: Raj Salvi
I AMI AM NOT
I AM
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First printed in September 2011
By Rucha Systems,Nashik,India
For any information on this bookplease contact the author Raj Salviat email: [email protected]
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in orintroduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form,
or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying,recording or otherwise) without the prior written
permission of the author. Any person who does anyunauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to
criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
Canada Office:
Salvi Business Group Inc.
#2-6573 Humphries Court
BURNABY. B.C. V3N 4K9
CANADA
Copyright @ 2011 Raj Salvi
All rights reserved with Author Raj Salvi
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I have come not to teach, but to awaken
I am the ancient one.
I belong to no religion.
Every religion belongs to me.
My own personal religion is
of my being the ancient infinite one &
the religion I teach to all is of love of God.
This love can be practiced by anyone,
high, low, rich, poor & every one
of every cast & creed can love God.
-Meher Baba
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About the Author
Raj Salvi is a Canadian citizen residing inBurnaby, a suburb of Vancouver, Canada inBritish Columbia. He is a MetallurgicalEngineer from IIT, Powai, Mumbai and a registered ProfessionalEngineer (P. Eng.) in British Columbia, Canada. He also has aMasters in Metals and Materials Engineering from theUniversity of British Columbia, Canada
He immigrated to Canada in 1989. He has worked both inCanada and the US in the foundry industry. He started hisown business, Salvi Business Group Inc, importing castingsfrom India for US and Canadian markets.
During the course of business travel in India he was fortunateto meet many Perfect Masters (Sadgurus). He had a uniquespiritual experience on October 10, 2001 during which his handbegan to write on its own, messages from Avatar Meher Baba(www.avatarmeherbaba.org). The process of automatic writingor auto writing, as it is commonly referred to, has continued todate since October 10, 2001. Teetering on the border of alcoholism,just one message from Avatar Meher Baba to give up alcoholwas enough to take the chip of alcoholism from his being. Rajhas not had a drop of alcohol since the evening of October 10,2001. More than 12,000 pages have been written through autowriting with messages from Avatar Meher Baba for many peoplewho have asked for answers through auto writing. Raj does theauto writing free of charge it is a service he provides because ofhis profound love for God.
The book I AM, I AM NOT, I AM contains his personalexperiences of his journey towards God-realization. Thesespiritual experiences continue to manifest themselves in hisdaily life even today.....
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PrefaceThe purpose of this book is to show a glimpse into how life
is to be lived in a spiritual manner. Some outcomes may seem
outrageous; however they all have a lesson and a purpose.
These aspects are beyond the intellect of the mind to
understand. The sole goal of spiritual living is to ensure that at
all times our actions do not hurt someone and are constantly
directed towards helping others become happy.
It is not easy as our Ego or our individual existence
sometimes seems at jeopardy. Life itself is an experience and
these occasions are tests put in our path by God to check if we
follow at all times the principle of making others happy. Some
are simple, others require complete surrender. The Guru who
comes in the final stage of these experiences, also tests his
student to be completely certain that he is ready to accept
complete surrender of his Ego to the Guru. Once the Guru
accepts his student, he puts him on the Path to God and the
Avatar (God in Human form) who finally hands over the
aspirant to that Formless Creator forever (Moksha).
This book has been written with a view to give the reader a
glimpse of my personal journey on the Path to God. In putting
this book together many people have contributed directly and
indirectly to bringing it to the reader. I would like to offer special
thanks to Dr. Stephen Ogden, Professor of English, Simon Fraser
University, Burnaby, Canada for editing the book, to my cousin
Ramkrishna Salvi for preparing the layout of the book and to
my wife, Rashmita and my daughter, Mayura who helped in
typing the original writings.
I wish the reader to absorb the essence of these experiences
and take whatever principles of spirituality they offer.
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One who lives for himself is truly dead and onewho dies for God is truly alive.
-Avatar Meher Baba
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CONTENTSChapter 1 Cheating Death Three Times
Chapter 2 Real Happiness Lies in Making Others Happy
Chapter 3 Live Less For Yourself And More For Others
Chapter 4 A New Birth
Chapter 5 Marriages Are Made In Heaven
Chapter 6 You And I Are Not We But One
Chapter 7 Guru Meets His Disciple
Chapter 8 Dadas Texas Letter
Chapter 9 Malang Baba Will Meet You!
Chapter 10 Total Obedience
Chapter 11 Sister Act
Chapter 12 Three Buses
Chapter 13 Go Live Like A King
Chapter 14 Implicit Faith
Chapter 15 How Is Rashmi In London?
Chapter 16 Abdul Rehman Babas Invitation
Chapter 17 This Honor Was For You
Chapter 18 He Is Allahs Angel
Chapter 19 You Are My Son
Chapter 20 Divine Miracles
Chapter 21 Avatar Meher Baba Is God
Chapter 22 Of All Games...
Chapter 23 Manifestation Of Miracles
Chapter 24 Aspects of Spiritual Life
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10 I am.. I am not.. I am
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11Raj Salvi
Introduction
What I am sharing with you is not my memoirs, but
my journey towards finding God. I know it sounds
very confusing; however the fact is that God was
preparing me for something right from my childhood.
The journey involved sacrifices and acceptances and
complete faith in God. While I was living through
these incidences, I was totally unaware then but
which I now recognize them for what they were
tests. He gave me tests some that were simple while
others that were not.
The journey kept moving me from one small town
to another, from one school to another, from one friend
to another. I was uprooted from one location to
another due to my father, who was a government
official and his job required that he be transferred
from one place to another. I remember that my early
childhood up to the age of six was comfortable. I
grew up in district places which had rural
surroundings and life was simple. Dad would take
me hunting for wild boars and my days passed in
simple games like marbles and spinning a car tire
around the house. I have happy memories of those
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12 I am.. I am not.. I am
days. My elder brother was placed in a boarding school so as
not to disrupt his studies while my father was transferred from
one place to another. I lived with my parents and spent more
time with my mother as she was always at home.
I developed a normal deep attachment towards my mother.
My father used to tour, sometimes for days together, but
whenever he was around, it was fun. We moved to Bombay,
now Mumbai, in 1958. A new phase started in my life where the
challenges increased in magnitude. Life totally changed when
my mother was initially diagnosed with depression and later
schizophrenia, soon after my sister was born in 1960. Post
partum depression probably caused this condition. My parents
divorced when I was in my teens and then life got really difficult.
I never blamed my parents I learnt to accept every situation for
what it was a test, a challenge to be overcome. All through
those years I knew that I was not alone. I knew that theres a
force, whom we may call God, and He was looking out for me,
looking after me, providing everything when needed.
Education was mostly completed in Bombay, from grade 3 to
Secondary School and then Mumbai University and finally
Bachelor of Metallurgical Technology from the Indian Institute
of Technology, Mumbai. I married in 1979 and took on the
responsibility of a family man. Usually the journey of the soul,
through self-realization (that I am not this body) and finally
God realization (that we are all part of the universal whole)
requires total detachment from all beings and things. I guess
God made an exception in my case - my family is still with me,
my wife, daughter, and son this journey of returning to God
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13Raj SalviConsciousness involves total detachment from all beings and
things. That includes even your immediate near and dear ones.
It involves seeing all as One and yours.
In this journey, I met a Perfect Master. It is believed that the
Perfect Master or Guru finds you when you are ready to take the
leap out of this material or gross existence towards God
realization. I am truly blessed that my Guru found me and guided
me towards God realization. It was as simple as that. This
journey started when my Ego (I Am) was at its highest, then
slowly the Ego was crushed by the tests and challenges that life
threw at me to make me realize that I am not just this body.
Finally with the help of the Perfect Master the remnants of my
ego fell away the veil was removed and my goal in life became
clear. I had moved into the realm of God consciousness. The
episodes that I am sharing are some of the milestones that
dotted my journey from Guru to Avatar or the Messiah.
This journey involved the maximizing of the ego (I Am) and
then crushing it, extinguishing until just a few traces remained
(I Am Not) and ultimately evaporating the final remnants of the
Ego thereby transforming human consciousness to God
Consciousness (I Am Everything) as the final goal of life.
True love is no game of the faint-hearted and the weak; it is born of
strength and understanding.
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14 I am.. I am not.. I am
1C H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E R
I was born in Jalgaon, a city in the state of Maharashtra,
India on October 31, 1950 at 1:55 am. However the clerk who
was on morning duty at the hospital entered my birth date as
being born last night therefore October 30th. This became my
official date of birth.
My father, a Government officer, used to be transferred from
city to city that was the nature of his job. I remember moving
from Nasik, to Malegaon and then to Aurangabad. I was now
six years old.
We moved into a huge government bungalow a remnant
from the British Raj. I was in kindergarten at the Little Flower
High School. The daily routine started around 10:00 a.m. when
my brother, who was eight years old and I would be dropped off
at school in a horse carriage called tonga. Around 12:00 noon,
our lunch was brought by my fathers peon (a perk that is enjoyed
by high ranking government officials in India). The peon would
wait until school ended at 2:00 pm and then take us back on a
Cheating DeathThree Times
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15Raj Salvi
1 Colloquial term used for a person with little authority often assignedunskilled tasks2 A general term used in India by domestic help to refer to theiremployers son
bicycle. I would sit on the bar that connected the seat and the
handlebar while my brother sat pillion.
On a particular day, as we were returning home from school,
the routine was disturbed.
Yusuf, our peon1 said: Move ahead, Baba2? I need a little
more space to peddle better.
I refused to oblige therefore he pushed me a little towards
the handlebar. The unexpected shove made me lose my balance
and my left foot got trapped in the front wheel of the bicycle. At
the very same moment, Yusuf reached the top of the steep slope
that led to our home. The bicycle gathered momentum. I howled
in pain but Yusuf had no clue to the real reason why I was
yelling. He thought I was angry because he had pushed me.
Finally the slope ended and ironically the bicycle came to a stop
in front of the Civil Hospital which was on the way to our home.
My foot was mangled and the centre bar of the front wheel was
embedded deep into my ankle. Yusuf carried me quickly into
the hospital scared not only at the sight of the blood but of the
consequences of the accident.
Seeing the gravity of the situation, the doctor on call, quickly
injected a dose of Tetanus Toxoid Serum to prevent further
infection. The doctor did not have access to an X-ray machine,
therefore he cleaned and dressed the wound and sent us home.
What happened? my mother queried angrily of Yusuf.
She was waiting in the veranda, anxious at the delay and seeing
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the bandage on my foot, was hysterical. I was put to bed
immediately.
About twenty minutes later, I felt very thirsty and called to
my mother May I have some water please Within ten minutes,
I made her a request for another glass of water. No sooner had
I drank the second glass of water, I asked my mother for some
more. My mother, who was sitting by my bed, felt something
was wrong. Our neighbor was also a government officer. My
mother ran to him house to check if he was still in as he would
have the office his house. As luck would have it, our neighbor
was about to leave for work. This was not his usual time but he
had been delayed. My neighbors bungalow and ours were the
only two bungalows at quite a distance from the main city with
no mode of public transport. Had our neighbor left in his jeep as
per his usual time my mother would not have been able to rush
me back to the Civil Hospital.
The doctor on call instructed the nurse to hook me up to the
saline bottle as I was extremely dehydrated. He realized that I
was having an anaphylactic reaction to the serum. A reaction of
this type can cause death in minutes as the nervous system gets
paralysed suddenly, if the antidote is not administered to the
patient. The doctor had not taken the precaution of checking to
see if I was allergic to the serum prior to giving it to me. I was
given nearly two dozen injections to stop the reaction; my
progress was monitored before I was sent home. This was the
first close encounter with death.
The following day, I was driven to Jalna, another city close
by, that had a Civil Hospital equipped with X-ray equipment.
16 I am.. I am not.. I am
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My ankle was x-rayed and it was found that I had multiple
fractures and my foot was promptly put into a cast. We returned
home with my leg in cast from knee down. It was nearly 3
months before the cast was removed. And this is when death
made a second attempt on my life.
We had just finished dinner, my mother was clearing the
table and my father was already deep into his work files at his
desk in the living room. I went to wash my hands in the bathroom
which was at a lower level to the dining area. Built on grand
scale, the bathroom was close to 70 feet by 20 feet in dimension.
I climbed down the stairs into the bathroom to wash my hands
and kept on playing with the water in the washbasin.
My mother shouted Raj, stop playing in the water. Come
out of the bathroom immediately!
She had her back to me as I climbed the stairs to the upper
level. I had barely reached the doorway when there was a
resounding crash. A cloud of dust engulfed me from behind.
Dust was everywhere and I could not see anything around me.
Hearing the crash, my mother turned and all she saw was
the cloud of dust. She screamed to my father: Raj is trapped!
He is dead!
I could hear her screams but could not move because there
was no visibility I couldnt see an inch in front of me. It was
about 10 minutes before the dust settled and some visibility was
restored and that is when my mother saw me standing in the
doorway, covered with dust but ALIVE!
1 A Hindu festival that symbolizes celebrating the victory ofgood over evil as depicted in the epic Ramayana2 A very popular sweet dish from Maharashtra made from milk
17Raj Salvi
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What had happened was that the entire 70 feet wall had
collapsed along with part of the roof. I certainly would have
been crushed to death if I had continued to play in the water
and not heeded my mothers call. I narrowly escaped death the
second time.
It is believed that events normally happen in threes. About
15 days after the above episode, it was the festival of Dassera3.
Dassera symbolizes victory of good over evil and is considered
to be a very auspicious festival. My father had a holiday and
took my brother and me to the city to purchase some sweets.
Lets buy basundi4, my father said.
He stopped in front of shop named Amrutbhandar and
bought some basundi. We reached home and had it as dessert
after lunch. I was not too fond of sweets in my childhood and
therefore took only a small quantity. My father insisted that the
day being an auspicious one, I should take some more.
You need to celebrate the two close escapes from death!
he said. He did not insist that my brother should have more but
forced me to take a couple of extra helpings of basundi. In the
end, I ended up having 3 cups of the sweet as a celebration.
My parents took us with them to visit some family friends,
as is customary during festivals. It was my brother who threw
up first and I followed him in a couple of minutes. Sensing
something was wrong, my parents drove us down to the Civil
Hospital. We saw hospital staff waiting at the entrance of the
hospital and as we reached them, one of them asked:
Did you eat Basundi from Amrutbhandar5? My brother
5 A famous sweet shop in Aurangabad
18 I am.. I am not.. I am
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19Raj Salvi
and I were put on stretchers and rushed inside the hospital.
I cannot find a vein on this one, Doctor! shouted the nurse
who was working on me to hook me up to saline. Suddenly
there were three other nurses working frantically to find a vein.
Finally one of the nurses shouted Here I found a vein it
was in the space between my toes! The intravenous drip was
attached immediately.
Do you know what happened? my father told us later.
While the shop was boiling the milk to prepare Basundi, a
lizard from the wall fell inside the milk and got boiled, releasing
its poisonous toxins into the milk. This was the third close
encounter with death at the age of 6.
The infinite truth latent ineverything reveals itself only
when life is accepted in itstotality.
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2C H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E R
The Indian Institute of Technology (IIT) is one of the premier
engineering educational institutions in India. To obtain entry
into IIT is considered an outstanding academic achievement in
India. Top students from all over the country compete at the
joint entrance examination. I was proud to see my name in the
list of students accepted to join IIT in 1969.
The decision to join IIT was totally my own. My father was
in the UK on government business. My mother was in no
condition to guide me as she was suffering from schizophrenia.
I had to decide which of the five locations to select - Bombay,
Delhi, Kanpur, Kharagpur and Madras. I was looking for an
opportunity to experience life away from home and therefore
opted to register at IIT, Kanpur, Uttar Pradesh. I selected
Metallurgical Engineering.
A very apt saying comes to mind Man proposes, God
disposes. On his return from the UK, my father was insistent
Real Happiness Lies inMaking Others Happy
Lord Meher, Volume 15, Page 5262
20 I am.. I am not.. I am
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that I transfer to IIT, Bombay. He felt that I should be close to
him, so that he could monitor me in case of any problems arising
due to health or otherwise.
On the opening day of the 1969 IIT batch of students, there
was a flood of youngsters and their parents at IIT, Bombay
searching for their rooms in the hostels (dormitories). I realized
that I was probably the only new student who was not
accompanied by either of his parents. My father was totally
immersed with his work and my mother was too sick.
I thought I saw a familiar face in the sea of strangers in the
corridor of the hostel. It was Warty, my 10th grade classmate.
Hey Warty, I shouted as he was a few feet away.
Im sorry, I cant remember your name he answered.
Raj Salvi I said, adding From St. Xaviers High School.
Oh, yes, yes, now I remember he acknowledged and then
quickly turned and disappeared into his room.
You seem to be the only one here to know my son a female
voice said.
I turned to see an elderly lady standing next to me.
Yes, we were in the same class in grade ten I replied.
I need your help she added quickly as if making sure that
whatever she needed to say was done prior to her son coming
out of the dorm room.
I made sure my son studied at home, so that he could pass
the entrance exam for this Institute. Now that he is here alone,
he wont have anyone nagging him to study. He is my only son
and I want you to promise me that you will help him in whatever
way possible to become an Engineer.
21Raj Salvi
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22 I am.. I am not.. I am
Her face shone with the love of a mother and just for a
moment, I was jealous for I longed to see that expression on my
mothers face too. Amidst the chaos in the corridor, and without
giving any thought to my words, I replied I promise.
She patted me on my shoulder and turned to go to her sons
room.
My eyes filled with tears for I had just experienced the touch
of a mothers love! I made a silent resolution that I would ensure
that her son studied with me and would not fall behind in the
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23Raj Salviclass academically. Graduation was five years ahead and
therefore it meant that I had given a promise which would take
five years to be fulfilled.
When the results were posted at the end of the five-year IIT
engineering degrees, I was the last student in the First Class
category and Warty was the first student in the Second Class
category. We stood next to each other in the line at graduation to
receive our degrees.
I had kept my promise to a mother.
True love is no game of the faint-hearted and the weak; it is born of
strength and understanding.
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24 I am.. I am not.. I am
3C H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E R
The Indian Institute of Technology, Powai, Mumbai, is
situated on a thousand acre piece of land nestled between two
lakes, Powai and Vihar and surrounded by majestic hills.
The natural setting nurtured a variety of organic flora. I
recognized a particular bush. It had dozens of light brown fruits
with dusty powder on it. This was the Khujli plant, a kind of
stinging nettle - the slightest contact produces itching. I collected
the powder in an envelope.
As classes began, I surveyed my fellow classmates and found
my first victim his name was Roland. He clearly stood out in
the crowd as he was the tallest and possibly the strongest. Being
of smaller proportions and wanting to experiment with this
natural itching powder, I figured he would be the perfect target.
I sat behind him and blew the fine powder into his shirt
collar and neck and then quickly changed my seat. I knew what
the reaction would be and I did not want to be within arms
length of Roland.
Live Less For YourselfAnd More For Others
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25Raj SalviAs expected, he started to scratch his neck, then his cheek
and, then his arm. The fine powder was being transported under
his nails and whichever part on his body he touched, the
powder was deposited and the itch would take over. He was so
agitated with the itch that he ran out of class in a panic leaving
the rest of the class in bewilderment, wondering what the
problem was. Later that day, Roland came to know of my prank,
barged into my dorm room and took my entire stash of the
Khujli powder and poured it down my back.
Thirty-two years have passed since that incident, and we
are still the best of friends.
***
Life in hostels can be a lonely experience, unless one develops
close ties with your peers who live with you, play with you, and
eat with you for five years. There were four of us, Roland, Warty,
Panthaky and myself. We gravitated towards each other due to
our love for playing pranks. We were of diverse ethnic and
cultural backgrounds. Over the next five years, we had some of
the most memorable times together. Of course, we had our
differences at times, but in the end the elastic band of friendship
pulled us together again. Even now, when we have crossed 50,
we still recall and laugh at the pranks of those years.
Sometimes difficult situations bring out the best in us and
we were lucky to experience such an event during our stay at
IIT.
It was our final year at IIT. We wanted to concentrate on our
studies and get on with our careers.
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26 I am.. I am not.. I am
The monsoons were upon us on as we began our last year.
After a long day at the classes, we trudged back to our hostel
when we were beckoned by our classmate, Dennis, to go for
football practice.
Roland, Dennis and I, headed to the field in full soccer dress.
As we were leaving the hostel, Warty called me and said that he
was interested in ragging1 a boy who lived in his apartment
complex and was a freshman.
Im not interested in all this now, Warty I replied. I had
enough of this stuff in the last four years.
The football practice lasted about 45 minutes and as we
walked past Hostel 4, one of the students shouted,
Salvi, come on up, Warty is here
The three of us started up the stairs to the second floor where
we saw approximately 100 students lined along the corridor.
We cut through the crowd and reached the point where the
freshman was being ragged.
Let the action now begin said Mammen. He was with us
in the first year and had failed so was still in fourth year. I saw
Warty sitting in Mammens room watching what was happening
in the corridor. I was standing next to the student while Panthaky
and Roland stood beside me.
Use the newspaper as a towel and strip Mammen directed
the freshman student. There was reluctance from him to obey,
but he finally realized that he was outnumbered and started to
comply. As he wrapped newspaper around his torso like a towel,
his trousers slipped down his ankles. I lit a cigarette and came
in front. Suddenly, I noticed that the newspaper was burning
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27Raj Salviand he was forced to drop the newspaper.
Dress up now and go back to your hostel Mammen told
the student. As he was putting his trousers on, I quickly ducked
into the room and told Warty to talk to the student as he seemed
frightened.
Oh! No! If he complains, I will take care of him at home
Warty replied nonchalantly.
I decided to catch up with the freshman before he reached
Hostel 3 and caught up with him as he was leaving the gate.
Are you burnt anywhere? I enquired.
He was so frightened that he barely nodded his head
denying any injury.
Apply some ointment if there are any burns, I told him
and went back up the stairs to join my friends.
A week had passed since this incident when suddenly
notices were put up on the notice boards that there had been a
serious case of ragging in the Institute and that the Wardens of
all the hostels would address the students after dinner.
Raj, dont open your mouth at the meeting the hostel
General Secretary advised me quickly.
Why should I? I didnt do anything I replied.
Please take my advice he added.
After dinner the mess lounge was rearranged for the meeting.
Lets go and sit in the first row, we dont have anything to
worry about I advised. From where I sat, the Warden was
standing exactly opposite to me as he faced the students. He
was glaring at me furiously.
There has been a serious case of ragging in this campus
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28 I am.. I am not.. I am
began the Warden.
I tried to imagine what horrendous things someone must
have done to force the authorities to call for a meeting of this
magnitude. The first of its kind in my four year stay at the
Institute.
A student was taken from Hostel 3 and burned in Hostel
4 the Warden stated, barely controlling his temper.
I suddenly realized that this was none other than our case
that was being discussed. Raj, dont open your mouth at the
meeting suddenly made a lot of sense.
Covering my mouth with my palm, I whispered to Warty
who was next to me,
Slowly slide to the end and lets get out of here
Quickly, all four of us walked out of the meeting, even as the
Warden hollered,
I will personally butcher these fellows period
We met up outside and decided to take our mattresses and
climb on to the roof and sleep there until the Warden had left
our hostel. He left around 3:00 a.m. As we came down to the
hostel lobby, the General Secretary of the hostel met us.
Where were you Raj? The Wardens been waiting for you
to confess to what you did he said
I told you, I did not do anything! I replied and carried on.
I suddenly realized that I might be expelled from the Institute
and five years of Engineering studies would amount to nothing.
Around 10 a.m. the next morning, the notices went up much
to the anxiety of all students. There were two students from
Hostel 4 who had been expelled from the Institute and about
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29Raj Salvi100 students were fined.
Why is your name not among the expelled ones, Raj? the
General Secretary asked wondering.
I told you, I was not involved.
I then analyzed the entire incident at Hostel 4 and realized
that when I came to the front, the student saw my lit cigarette
and presumed that I had lit the newspaper from behind. What
had actually happened was that as I did not have a lighter or a
matchbox, I signaled to a friend who was standing behind the
student to light my cigarette. He did and then proceeded to light
the newspaper from behind. As the student was busy
extinguishing the fire behind, the match was passed to Mammen,
who then lit the front of the newspaper.
The notice gave the names of both the students and asked
them to vacate the hostels within 24 hours. Suddenly the doors
flew open to my room and Mammen and my friend were standing
in the doorway, tears streaming down their cheeks.
Our lives are completely shattered. What are we going to
tell our parents who have spent so much money on our
education? they said with lowered heads.
Relax, we will find a solution. Every problem has a
solution, I comforted them.
I called Roland, Warty and Panthaky to my room.
I think I have a solution I said.
Do you remember a movie named Stalag 17? I stopped.
All of them in the room looked confused, likely wondering what
that question had to do with the situation at hand.
There is a scene where all the prisoners of war are lined
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30 I am.. I am not.. I am
up and the German General comes to address them. He gets up
on the pedestal wearing a monocle. Theres a small pool of water
in front of him, below the pedestal. One of the POWs picks a
stone and throws it into the puddle. The water splashes onto
the monocle and the General demands that the one who did it
fall out. Slowly, one by one, soldiers started to fall out from
different lines. The General orders them all to fall back
How is this going to help us? Mammen interrupted.
Dont you understand why the General could not take a
decision? Because he knew that so many soldiers could not
have thrown one stone, but more importantly, he could not
punish all of them I answered.
Do you think that if we all said that we are equally
responsible being present at the scene, that the authorities will
expel six students at one time? I asked. I was hoping that the
friendship that had developed over the past five years would
come into play. We had become more like brothers, than friends.
Are you crazy? said Warty
Impossible! I cant do this was Rolands response
I too dont agree added Panthaky.
I think we can stop these guys from being expelled. We
have been friends for so long and thats why I suggested this
way. Anyway, the choice is yours. I feel morally obligated to
take some of the blame because I didnt make any effort to prevent
the incident. Im going to see the Director tomorrow morning
and Ill let you all know what happens. I concluded.
The next day as I was leaving the hostel to meet the Director,
Warty, Roland, and Panthaky joined me.
-
31Raj SalviWe thought about what you said last night and we think it
is the right solution Panthaky told me.
We were all there and take full responsibility for what
happened, Sir I said as the four of us faced the Director of the
Institute in his office.
Do you realize Mr. Salvi that I can expel all of you from this
Institute along with your other two friends? the Director said.
Yes, Sir I replied.
We watched in amazement the expression change on the
Directors face. He had tears in his eyes!
These are tears of joy, Mr. Salvi. The purpose of these Indian
Institutes when they were created was to foster a spirit of
brotherhood amongst all the Alumni. What you have done has
proved that it works! You may all leave and within the next 2
hours, new notices will be put on the notice boards, said the
Director.
As promised, new notices were put up. All six of us were
allowed to attend classes but had to vacate the hostels in 24
hours.
I learnt that day that one has to, for the happiness of others,
be ready to sacrifice everything and that any problem can be
resolved with LOVE.
The Master helps the seeker in his owninvincible ways, which have no parallel inthe ways of the world. But if the aspirant is
to be the recipient of this help, he must makea real effort to surrender himself to the
Divine will of the Master.
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32 I am.. I am not.. I am
The year was 1975 and I had completed my engineering
studies at the Indian Institute of Technology (IIT). Armed with
a Bachelors degree in Metallurgy I took up a job with one of my
relations who had an iron metal casting foundry. About 300
people earned their livelihood in this unit. Metals parts were
made from melting iron scrap and pouring into sand moulds.
These parts were mainly supplied to pump, automobile and
other industries.
The work was strenuous. It involved working amidst a
furnace that spewed molten metal at 1400 degrees C periodically,
fumes, sand, dust an atmosphere that takes a heavy toll on
the body. At the end of a 10-12 hour shift, you are exhausted.
The ride home is a one and half hour train ride and then another
half hour bus ride.
On this particular day a day that would change my life
forever I was working on a project which involved being close
to the melting furnace. The constant heat drained the energy
out of me.
How did you manage to make that experiment
4C H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RA New Birth
-
33Raj Salvisuccessful? asked my boss, Mr. Ghosh.
I was working on the metal composition to manufacture a
brake disc for scooters.
I guess my knowledge of metallurgy helped me find the
solution, I replied, arrogant of my own abilities. Graduating
from an engineering institute like the Indian Institute of
Technology (IIT) was a feather in the cap. IIT generated a bit of
ego in all its graduates, making them feel superior to others.
After all, only a few are
selected from a
nationwide joint
entrance examination to
enter this institute.
Hence those who are
successful in gaining
entry into IIT were
considered crme de la
crme.
The local train was crowded as usual. I got lost in the mass
of humanity. After a hard days work, I had to find the energy
to stand for one and a half hours, packed tightly like a sardine
in a can. As the station arrived, the mass of humanity poured
out of the compartment only to be replaced by another mass
getting in, all within seconds. The trains rolled on at 80 mph.
Next station is Grant Road, Mr. Ghosh advised me
knowing this was the station that I got off to catch the bus
home. See you tomorrow, boss! I replied. It was around 6:30
p.m.
-
34 I am.. I am not.. I am
I waited on the platform for the train to pass. There are
overhead bridges for passengers to cross the railway tracks
and I used them regularly. However, this evening I was too
exhausted to climb the stairs to go across the tracks to the bus
stop. As the trains last compartment pulled away from me
slowly, I quickly jumped onto the tracks and glanced towards
the direction a train would come on the next track. I knew this
was the fast track used by the express train, traveling at 100
mph. I gave a quick glance and stepped onto this track.
I realized my mistake immediately. There was an express
train on that track heading directly towards me. I had failed to
see it because it was hidden by the train that was leaving the
platform. My exhaustion had reduced my awareness of the
surroundings. I saw the train approximately 10 feet away. It
is over, the thought flashed through my mind. All of a sudden
a white ethereal form materialized close to me. I felt myself
being picked up by the waist and being gently placed back on
the other track. It appeared as if the express train was frozen in
time I saw it framed as if in a picture frame. Then I felt the
express train thunder past me, just a few feet away. As soon as
it passed, I turned around to thank the person who had saved
my life. There was no one there!
My first thoughts were I should be dead. God, You have
kept me alive for a reason. Every action I take from this moment
on will be in Your service. The egoistic and arrogant Raj Salvi
died at this moment. I dont know when I reached home. I was
shaken by this incident.
At the dinner table that night, I told my father that I had a
-
35Raj Salvi
The way to remain free fromkarma is to remain completely
detached in service.
mind shattering experience. After I had narrated the entire
incident, he said, Yes, I believe you. I was astonished. I tell
you less colorful stories and you always disbelieve me, and yet
I narrate an astonishing story, and you calmly accept it? Why?
Because I have experienced a similar incident in my life
too, my father replied calmly. I was intrigued. It happened
in Germany. I could not read German and therefore took a
wrong entry in the Autobahn. I realized this as the first car
came from the opposite direction and passed me like a bullet. I
knew this was the end. Suddenly a large white figure appeared
on the road, picked me up with the moving car and put me on
the right side of the Autobahn. That is why I believe you.
I realized then that there is a guardian angel looking after
our family. Someone who made sure that both father and son
had to be kept alive for some purpose only known to Him!
-
36 I am.. I am not.. I am
5C H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E R
Raj! my father called for me in the house.
I had just returned to Mumbai following my resignation
from Business Combine Limited, in Nasik, Satpur industrial
estate. After my graduation from The Indian Institute of
Technology, Bombay in 1974, I had taken a job in this factory.
My experience had been in foundry and this being one of the
leading foundries in India in the year 1974, I considered myself
fortunate to be given a chance to work there. Yes, it was a
chance especially I had not even applied to get a job there. I had
applied to ExcellO ( India) for a Sales position that they had
advertised.
There is a marriage proposal for you my father continued
Mr Chowgule has a daughter who has made it known that
she is interested in getting married to you. She saw you in
another wedding lately.
Do you know Mr. Chowgule is a rich businessman and
has many companies. You can work in any of them and thus
Marriages Are MadeIn Heaven
-
37Raj Salviwont have to look for a job in your life Dad stopped.
I was pensive and did not reply immediately. Dad seemed
a bit disturbed at my silence. I am not interested in the
proposal was my quiet reply.
Are you out of your mind? This marriage will make your
life he retorted. What are you basing you decision on? he
added
I had considered that if I marry her, I would have to be
subservient to her every wish as they were much richer than
my family and this financial imbalance would be most
disadvantageous to me as the son-in-law.
I decided to venture out and find a job first (remove the
period) before I thought of getting married. With this in mind, I
had applied to several companies in Bombay
ExcellO (India) an automobile part manufacturing
company, called me for a job interview. As the Vice President
was taking my interview a man suddenly walked in and sat
down in the room. He took my resume from the Vice President
and studied it. I thought he was probably the President of
Excell O.
He asked the VP to let him speak to me.
You are a Metallurgical Engineer? he asked me
Yes, I am I replied blankly, wondering what was this all
about.
Would you like to work in a foundry? he asked. We
have a foundry in Nasik and I might be able to take you there.
Would you be Ok to work and stay in Nasik? He enquired
I most certainly would love that I answered without
-
38 I am.. I am not.. I am
moment of hesitation. Metal casting was my passion since
passing IIT in 1974. I had worked in a foundry in Mulund for a
few months and I was fully conversant with the casting
manufacturing techniques.
Well then here is my telephone number in Nasik. When
you reach there give me a call. My name is Mehta. he said as
he handed me a paper with his number.
My father had married again recently after he divorced my
mother due to her illness. As I was close to my mother, I was
opposed to my father remarrying The option to leave Mumbai
and go to Nasik was a welcome one for me as this would keep
me away from staying with my stepmother.
After a four year stay in Nasik and working with BCL as
the foundry was known, I left and returned in the summer of
1978 back to Mumbai. It was April and the city was hot and
humid, compared to the cool and pleasant hill station like
weather of Nasik This weather had been idle for binges of
drinking and I had got addicted to liquor. I would drink a whole
bottle of rum at one sitting and with no addition of water or
Coke (otherwise sounds like you were having drugs!) Off course
the loneliness in a small town like Nasik pushed me towards
addiction to liquor.
Coming back to Mumbai meant staying with my father and
my stepmother for the first time, after my four year stint in Nasik.
I knew it was going to be difficult to adjust to the new
surroundings in the house. I was told that the only place for me
in the house was in the balcony, where I could keep my bags
and bed. Fate had wanted to test me again and again .My step
-
39Raj Salvibrother was married and with two bedrooms there was no place
for me especially as my younger sister was also staying there.
I felt that I had to move out of this situation and launch out
on my own. I contacted my mentor in the foundry Mr. R. R.
Salvi who was also looking for an alternative to the consultancy
he was forced to offer in Sangli. Jointly with my close friend in
Nasik Mr Merchant who had a non operative foundry unit, we
joined hands and restarted the foundry in 1979 which is still
working thirty years later..
Marriage was now on my lifes agenda. I was close to
becoming thirty years of age. My career was on its way as a
partner in this foundry at Nasik.
Do visit my family every week when I am in America
Raktim said to me, I dont want my parents to miss their son.
My close friend was leaving for bachelors studies in USA , and
wanted me to fill in the void that he was creating in his parents
life.
I promise you I replied as Raktim bid us goodbyes and
vanished from our view to board the aircraft at Santa Cruz
airport in Bombay.
I was in IIT first year when in 1969 when Raktim left for the
USA. Without fail I would visit his parents whenever I could
and ensure that my promised was honoured. At times I had to
intervene in the their family problems. I was practically a family
member in my friends family. He had an elder sister who was
married and staying near Calcutta. His younger sister Rashmita
and younger brother Rajat were staying with their parents.
My moving to Nasik in 1974 made these trips less frequent.
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40 I am.. I am not.. I am
However whenever I came to Mumbai from Nasik I visited
them and ensured that his parents did not feel the loss of their
son. It was one of those days that I arrived at my friends house.
It was evening and only his parents were there. His Dad
was sitting with his head in his hands.
What happened? I asked him. I was expecting some bad
news and braced myself for it.
Oh nothing, its not working he said in a quizzical
manner
I was lost at this answer. What was not working? I
questioned as he continued
She does not approve any of the boys I show her he added
I now understood that he was talking of Rashmitas
marriage. I felt bad for my friends dad who was getting closer
to retirement and this was a big responsibility as a father he
had to complete. The age of parental arranged marriages had
not yet gone from India. Putting myself in his shoes , I felt the
pain of a father .
Rashmita and I were married December 1979 in Mumbai.
She had done a Bachelors in Arts from Elphinstone College in
Bombay and had done a few jobs in the local offices.
Honeymoon was in Nainital and when we returned we
had to move from my in laws place.
I had no place to stay after my marriage and my Dad was
aware of my predicament.
I have arranged a place for both of you to stay. It is a two
bedroom apartment in Juhu right on the seashore. An
acquaintance of mine has offered it to both of you as an in
-
41Raj Salvibetween arrangements till you find a more permanent
accommodation my Dad told me as he handed me the keys.
This is wonderful Raj. I understand that there are
Bollywood filmstars residing in this building. Rashmita
remarked.
One day my dad informed me that his friend had offered
me the place for a small sum of Indian Rupees two hundred
thousand. The actual cost of the apartment was close to 5 times
that price at that time in 1980.
Lets buy it Rashmita said
Start packing, we will go and stay in a shanty, if needed
but I dont want this apartment as a charity from my dads
friend. He is going to use dads position in the government
office many times over for this favor. I blew the idea off.
We moved to a one room accommodation in New Bombay
and stayed in a low income neighborhood.
This room accommodated a small kitchen and a toilet apart
from a cupboard and a bed we had of our own.
One particular day it rained heavily in the month of June,
and when we returned to our shanty we found that water had
collected up to the level of the bed mattress. Due to the flooding
the cockroaches had all climbed onto the walls. I knew that
Rashmita was extremely frightened of them.
If you want you can go to your parents house to sleep. I
told Rashmita adding If God wants to test me I will accept
Him in whatever condition. He wants me to sleep here tonight
and I will. If you pass this test He will show you good times, I
promise I said.
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42 I am.. I am not.. I am
Before Karma is created, theindividual has a sort of freedom tochoose what it shall be; but after it
has been accomplished, it becomes afactor, which cannot be ignored and
which has either to be expendedthrough the results, which it invites,
or counter-acted by fresh andappropriate Karma.
I am not going to my parents house. I will sleep in the
same bed ,so what if it is soaked, there is some patch where it is
dry Rashmita replied
I knew He had given me a partner that He had chosen. Yes,
marriages are made in heaven.
-
43Raj Salvi
6C H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E R
Running a small scale industry in Mumbai was a tough
endeavor especially since the foundry was located in an area
where the infrastructure was inadequate.
Raj, will you help my cousin Vijay start his factory in
Titawala? asked my friend, Pankaj. Why dont we meet your
cousin and go from there? I replied.
The history of the factory was that it had stopped production
for six years; however, the Union made sure the workers
received their wages. Moreover, as the management had made
provision for living quarters in the factory compound, the
workers were occupying the factory premises for six years.
I would like you to meet my father, Vijay told me. Vijays
father was a frail, elderly gentleman who had difficulty walking,
even with the support of a cane. Mr. Salvi, I spent my life
building and running this factory to bring it to what it is now.
My son, Vijay, is not capable of running the factory. I am now
too old to go the factory every day. I need someone who can run
You And I Are Not WeBut One
-
44 I am.. I am not.. I am
this factory, he pleaded.
Why dont you go to the factory, Vijay? I asked. I am
afraid that the workers will beat me up. I will come with
you, I replied.
The next day Vijay, Pankaj and I went to the factory, located
nearly 100 kilometers from downtown Mumbai. As we walked
from the local station, I could see the look of apprehension on
Vijays face. I was cracking jokes to keep the atmosphere light
and free from tension. The factory was massive and the square
footage was close to 40 acres. As we entered the gates, the
workers stood up as if threatened by our intrusion.
I could see the cobwebs on the machines and a general
sense of despair in the air. I slowly moved away from Vijay and
Pankaj and walked towards a group of workers who were
standing and watching us. How are things here? I casually
asked to break the silence. Are you an engineer? asked one of
them who was eyeing me closely. Yes, I replied. The last
engineer who came to start the factory was murdered at the
railway station, he mentioned nonchalantly. Thank you for
informing me. I am now forewarned and hence forearmed. Just
make sure you are not the one I have to kill, for whosoever tries
to kill me will die first, I guarantee it!
The purpose of my strong words was to deter any of the
workers from taking me for granted. I was soon to galvanize
the workforce which was not used to working for the last six
years. I had to enforce discipline immediately. Within the next
15 days, the production had started in full earnest. I spent most
of my time directing the work activities while Vijay looked after
-
45Raj Salvithe administration. Being a metallurgical engineer, I was
guiding the melting-in-charge on how to control the metal
chemistry. The person concerned seemed to come from a very
poor background and was obviously not educated. Yet he was
able to inform me some metal characteristics just by observation.
It had taken me 5 years at IIT to acquire this knowledge, whereas
here was a person who was teaching me someone with no
formal engineering knowledge! I developed a profound
admiration for this person.
Will you come to my house for lunch, he asked me one
day hesitatingly. Sure, since you are inviting me, I will surely
come. Tell me the date and time, I said. The following week on
a holiday he invited me to his house which was in the factory
compound itself. All the workers were staying in a little of
colony of huts. However, this persons hut was a little distance
away from this colony.
He was waiting at the factory gate to receive me and take
me personally to his home. As we entered his hut, I saw that it
was pristinely clean and whatever little possession he had,
were arranged properly. The food was delicious and I could
see that his wife had taken the pains to cook up a good meal.
As I came out of the hut, I was met by a group of workers
from the factory who lived in the colony of huts. Do you know
whose house you went? they chorused.
Sure, he is the melting-in-charge person in our factory. I
replied. I was aware of what the workers were waiting for me
to say, however I was waiting to hear it from them.
Do you know that he is an untouchable?
-
They expected me to jump at this admission. I know that,
I said calmly, without any expression.
And yet you ate at his house! We are Brahmins, and you
did not come to our house to eat, the man said.
I pointed to the melting-in-charge person and said, He
invited me to his home to have lunch, and therefore I went.
None of you invited me to your home, therefore how could I
come?
46 I am.. I am not.. I am
Spiritual freedom is won by ones self forones self, through watchful and unfailing
war against the false self. Those who wouldbe soldiers in the cause of truth have to
help others not only in launching upon thethrilling enterprise of attaining victory over
oneself, but also in every step they taketowards attainment; there is no other way of
sharing their burden.
-
7C H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E R
Rashmita and I were married in 1979 and our first daughter,
Poonam was born in July 1982. She was like a ray of sunshine
in our lives. The small scale foundry unit that I had started had
teething problems that was a drain on our finances. In short,
life was tough.
Much to our horror, Poonam became critically ill when she
was a month old. We rushed her to intensive care. The diagnosis
came in that she had septicemia which had caused her internal
organs to fail and that it was just a matter of hours before she
died.
I sent Rashmita away with her family while I waited at
Poonams bedside watching as she struggled to breathe. At
that moment, I said to God: I have never asked you for anything
in my life but I am going to ask you something now. You gave
me this soul to look after but now You are taking her away. I
want this same soul back again. Poonam died a few minutes
later.
Guru Meets HisDisciple
47Raj Salvi
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48 I am.. I am not.. I am
Rashmita gave birth to our second daughter, Mayura, in
1983. She was about two months old when we left her with my
in-laws to attend a wedding in Pune, a city about 200 miles
from Mumbai. At the reception hall, Rashmita and I were
standing to one side taking a break from meeting all the
relations.
I noticed my maternal aunt coming towards us with a
gentleman in tow. The tall, slim gentleman was dressed in a
safari suit (a fashion statement in the 80"s in India) came straight
to me and slapped me on the back saying What? You have a
daughter, right? She has a slight projection in front of her left
ear. Your first daughter has come back to you. Take good care
of her. And then he smiled. I vaguely remember my aunt
introducing him as Dada Maharaj.
I was so stunned by what he had just said that I felt as if the
ground had disappeared from beneath my feet and I was
standing in mid-air. I couldnt believe what I had just heard.
No one knew of my conversation with God at Poonams bedside
not even Rashmita. How did this man know?
Dada Maharaj then said: I will meet you again when the
time is right. And then he walked away with my aunt.
The next question that came to my mind was What did
he mean by projection in front of Mayuras left ear?
I turned to Rashmita and told her about my conversation
with God the night Poonam died. And when I asked her about
the projection, she was equally surprised.
There was an eclipse during the pregnancy and mother
had asked me to lie still in a darkened room and think of only
-
49Raj Salvi
One who lives for himself istruly dead and one who dies
for God is truly alive.
God until the eclipse had passed. I was not to touch anything
or do anything. I put my mothers superstition to the test and
had pinched the skin in front of my left ear. Mayura has a small
projection in front of her left ear in exactly the same place that I
had pinched.
For the next five years, I tried to get in touch with Dada
Maharaj but was unable to do so until he called me to meet him
in 1988.
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50 I am.. I am not.. I am
8C H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E R
When we are born into this world, our soul is encased in a
body and through this body and its senses we become aware or
conscious of the world around us. This concept of our being
has also been expressed by great souls like the Greek
philosopher Plato and the English poet William Wordsworth.
The soul in its journey through multiple realms of Creation,
picks up impressions or experiences. The Soul can be compared
to a car that has started on a long journey, the driver is
Consciousness. As the car starts on the journey, it stops at
various locations and the driver interacts with different places
and people some are pleasant experiences and some are not
like the dirt that splashes on the body of the car. These
impressions then get attached to the Consciousness.
Each individual soul has emerged out of God consciousness
and having separated itself from God Consciousness, is
searching for its own identity in the gross world. The soul starts
its journey through several realms of non-human existence like
Dadas Texas Letter
-
51Raj Salvistone, metal, plants, insects, fishes, birds and animals. By
experiencing each realm, the soul comes to the conclusion that
it is not part of that realm this journey takes millions of years.
After the animal realm, the soul reaches the human realm.
Upon acquiring a human body, the Consciousness now needs
to remove all the impressions it has gathered on its journey
through the realms so that it can begin its journey back to the
God Consciousness and merge into it. For the merger to happen,
the soul needs a Perfect Master to clean the soul of its
impressions and send it back on its homeward journey to God
where the soul merges back into God Consciousness. The soul
has finally reached Home.
The God Conscious soul can return back to the gross world
having both God Consciousness as well as human
consciousness. These are the Perfect Masters who come to show
the way to the other souls who wish to go back to God
Consciousness. Perfect Masters have spiritual powers and
hence the ability to remove the impressions on the soul.
All Perfect Masters have gone through the cycles of birth
and death and finally attained God Consciousness. The
gradual death of desires leads to this state of God Consciousness,
where all activities of life are conducted only by using the
language of the heart, which is Divine Love.
The Guru is the Perfect Master and since their
Consciousness is at both levels, they are able to control who
gets to meet them, at what time and which location. I met Dada
at the US embassy in Mumbai after a five year separation.
Subsequently, we met on several occasions and each meeting
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52 I am.. I am not.. I am
was a lesson in itself.
Raj, I want to meet your Dada Maharaj tomorrow said
Kumar.
Kumar was my neighbor at Konkan Bhavan where we lived
after the birth of Mayura. Kumar was also my batch mate from
IIT.
Our new neighbor is an engineer said Rashmita as soon
as I entered our home one day. In a city like Mumbai, one does
not concern themselves too much with neighbors. Where is the
time? For me relaxation was a luxury as my days and sometimes
nights were preoccupied with running the foundry.
One day as I was unlocking the door, I noticed that my
neighbors door was open. I saw a man sitting inside and
immediately recognized him as Kumar from my IIT days. We
rekindled our friendship and whenever the opportunity rose,
both of us would sit and drink. He had children who were
around the same age as Mayura and our wives seemed to get
along. My conversation would often gravitate towards Dada
Maharaj. But Kumar showed no interest whatsoever.
Since we had left IIT in April, 1974, Kumar had gone to UK
and completed his Masters in Welding Technology. After
spending several years in Cameroon, he had accumulated a
sizeable amount of savings and had come home to India.
I have applied to all the major companies and should be
getting a job any day Kumar remarked sipping his glass of
rum. I have the qualifications, he added.
Two months passed and Kumar was still jobless. His
savings were depleting and he seemed quite desperate when
-
53Raj Salvihe said he wanted to meet Dada.
Why dont you meet me tonight at Shivaji Road, I said,
and we will go and meet Dada.
No, I am coming with you right now. I will be with you the
entire day, he stated. There was a hint of panic in his voice
which prompted me to ask
Is everything alright Kumar?
What am I going to feed my children tomorrow Kumar
whispered.
I had no idea that Kumars financial situation had
deteriorated to this level.
In that case, you can come along with me and we will
meet Dada at 9:00pm tonight.
Kumar shadowed me the entire day.
Is Dada Maharaj in? I asked as the door opened.
No, he has gone out
My heart sank for Kumars sake and I am certain that
Kumars did too.
I mean, he will be back in half hour the lady at the door
added.
Relieved we climbed down the stairs silently and spent the
next half hour in silence waiting for Dadas return.
Bring him inside, Raj. He is the last person I have to meet
today Dada remarked letting us in into the apartment. As we
entered, he continued, So you are not getting a job? You will
not get a job. Dada finished the sentence and turned to talk
with his son.
Hearing these words from Dada crushed Kumars world.
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54 I am.. I am not.. I am
He had come with so much hope that Dada would show him
the way but instead he had dashed his hopes in one short
sentence.
You should be fasting on Saturdays Dada quickly
addressed Kumar before continuing his conversation with his
son.
What is fasting? Kumar whispered to me.
Before I could explain to him, Dada said, Yes Raj, tell him
what fasting is. He has never fasted in his life. Am I right,
Kumar?
Yes Kumar sheepishly replied.
As I was explaining the process of fasting, Dada got up
and bent down to Kumar in an attempt to touch his feet.
Please do it for me if not for yourself. Just for three Saturdays
and you will see a miracle
Seeing this humble gesture, I realized the love that a Perfect
Master expressed for everyone.
The minute I saw Dada Maharaj, my stress disappeared
Kumar expressed as soon as the door shut behind us.
That is the sign of a Perfect Master. Whenever one is in
their presence all fear, worries, stress disappear. They act like a
sponge absorbing all the worries troubling you. After emptying
you of all your problems, they fill you with a sense of well
being, I said.
During our way back home we decided that we would visit
the shrine of another Perfect Master, Sai Baba of Shirdi.
Three weeks passed since we had met Dada Maharaj.
Raj, look what has happened Kumar shouted from across
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55Raj Salvithe open door.
Today is Monday and I have calls for job interviews from
almost all the companies I had applied to earlier
What Dada had promised had happened.
Dada had left for Texas and had given me the address to
write to him if it was urgent. I thought this good news should
be relayed to Dada immediately.
Kumar, here is Dadas address in Texas. Write to him I
said, handing him a piece of paper.
A couple of days later an Kumar came to meet me with an
envelope in his hand.
Just look at this! he said handing me and envelope.
The top of the envelope read Kumar, New Bombay. There
was no formal address and no postage stamp. It was from
Dada in Texas and it was a reply to Kumars letter. But only
two days had passed since he had sent the letter. How could
Dada have received the letter and also sent his reply in such a
short period of time?
Read the line where Dada has written Keep fasting on
Thursday as you have decided
I dont understand, didnt he tell you to fast on Saturdays?
I asked.
Yes, but because we went to Shirdi on Thursday, I told my
wife that henceforth I will fast on Thursdays. How did Dada in
Texas know about my conversation with my wife? Kumar
questioned.
Both of us had no clue. We just accepted that with Dada
Maharaj there were no conventional answers. We had no
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56 I am.. I am not.. I am
answers to what had occurred. We realized that applying logic
from our engineering background seemed futile in trying to
explain the phenomenon that occurs in the spiritual realm.
If you do wrong, think Babais doing wrong. If you get a
pain, think it is Baba having apain. If you do all this
sincerely, you will knowsomething and forget yourself
and do all for Baba.
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57Raj Salvi
9C H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E R
Activities had begun in earnest now that I had received the
visa to go to Canada as per Dadas directions. However, there
were a number of loose ends to be tied up. Rashmi Shellcast
Foundrys suppliers had to be paid off, preparation for the trip
was to be started, relatives to say goodbye to, etc.
In India, when one undertakes a long journey, or leaving
ones country to go to a foreign place, it is customary to visit
religious places to pay ones respects and to obtain the
blessings of the Almighty for the new life ahead.
Vijay, I feel I should visit Haji Malang Babas Dargah at
Kalyan. He seems to be calling me. I told my friend.
Well, if you want to go, lets go. I know the way. Vijay
replied.
We boarded the local train at Kurla Station. As usual, the
local train was crowded and we had to push our way into the
compartment. The train ride was approximately an hour to
Kalyan Station. It was around 9:30 a.m. and the station was
Malang Baba WillMeet You!
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58 I am.. I am not.. I am
crowded. Haji Malang is
a 300 year old dargah at
Kalyan, in Mumbai,
where Baba Abdul
Rehman Malang has been
buried. A dargah is a
shrine built over the grave
of a revered religious
figure, often a Sufi saint.
Haji Malang was a Sufi
saint who had come to
India in the 12th century
AD from the Middle East.
The dargah is located half
way up the mountains. To
reach the Dargah, you
have to climb steps carved into the side of the hill.
Vijay and I made our way towards the exit when suddenly
a man, who was coming from the opposite on the platform,
stopped directly in front of me and said:.
Malang Baba will meet you! Before I could react to his
remark he had disappeared into the crowd.
Vijay and I started to move along with the mass of pilgrims
who had come to pay their respects. There were all types of
people some looked affluent, some poor, young and old. We
walked on the dusty footpath heading towards the towering
hill.
The Dargah is on the top the hill and there are many steps
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59Raj Salvi you sure you
can do it, Vijay
said as we
trudged over
small boulders.
I knew that
the road to Perfect
Masters is never a
smooth one. This
one was certainly
rough. My mind was locked on Vijays statement which
triggered memories of my trek to the origin of the Godavari
River near Nasik. I had gone with a group of my colleagues to
see the spot on top of the Trimbakeshwar Mountain where the
river originates.
Lets climb to the top rather than take the 700 steps, said
Ganeshan. All the rest of my colleagues were excited while I
was frozen hearing those words. I suffered from vertigo from
childhood. Sarthy, stay close to me, I whispered to my friend.
Before we started the climb, I spoke to the group, If any one
dislodges a stone from above, please yell stone! so that
whoever is below will hear and take precaution.
After about 15 minutes of climbing, Sarthy remained close
to me and the rest of the group was above us, out of sight. I
suddenly heard the dreadful word stone! My heart froze
with fright and as I looked down and saw the drop, my legs
froze with fear. I could hear the stone rumbling as it gathered
momentum. The fear in me was building up as I noticed that I
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had about a foot clearance before I could see the boulder.
Raj move! You are in line with the boulder, Sarthy shouted
breaking my thoughts. He was to my right about 15 feet away
and could see the line of the boulder and my position. During
those days I used to open the innings in cricket and always
used the principle of moving away from the line of the fast ball
rather than ducking down. It dawned on me that this was a
similar situation and I had to be quick to miss the boulder. I
had my eyes glued to the point where I anticipated the boulder
to appear.
Suddenly I saw it - it was the size of a watermelon I threw
my head to one side and the boulder missed my head, grazed
my thigh and hurtled down, nearly a 1000 feet to the ravine
below.
You could have been killed! Sarthy shouted. As he came
closer I explained to him my vertigo problem.
Why are you sitting down on the step, Raj? Vijay broke
into my reverie.
I cant make it to the top to Babas Dargah. I am afraid of
heights. I will take Babas blessings from here. You go up and
bring the Prasad for me.
Are you crazy? Baba has called you and he will take you
up and bring you down safely. Vijay was annoyed. It dawned
on me that what he just said was true. Baba would protect me if
I put my full faith in him.
We quickly reached the top and found a huge crowd of
pilgrims between rows of shops selling tea, snacks, flowers,
etc. We paid our respects to Baba Malang and it was now time
60 I am.. I am not.. I am
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61Raj Salvito go back home.
I was worried about the climb down as the steps were barely
six feet from the edge of the mountain. I knew my legs would
freeze if I looked down as the drop was almost 3000 feet.
Suddenly, a small child took hold of my hand, turned,
walked a few steps with me down the hill.
Baba will meet you the words were still fresh in my mind.
Vijay, look what is happening, I whispered to Vijay as
the child took hold of my hand. But even before Vijay could
register and look in my direction, the child had vanished into
the crowd.
Perfect Masters can come in different shapes and forms to
meet you. It is we who cannot see them in all.
The Master helps the seeker in hisown invincible ways, which have no
parallel in the ways of the world. But ifthe aspirant is to be the recipient of this
help, he must make a real effort tosurrender himself to the Divine will of
the Master.
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62 I am.. I am not.. I am
10C H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E R
Most of the episodes occurring with Dada in my life did not
have a logical explanation. I am convinced that through all
these exercises, Dada was preparing me for the spiritual path
which would finally culminate with the Avatar taking over.
It was a routine call to Dada Maharaj, the time was 9:30
pm. I was at my in-laws home and Rashmita was playing with
our daughter.
I dialed Dadas number and waited for the phone to be
answered. I heard Dadas wife at the other end.
You are Raj speaking right? I have been told by Dada to
tell you that you should immediately proceed to see your mother
and she hung up the phone.
I was quite startled. Seeing my startled expression,
Rashmita asked:
What happened? No one picked up the phone?
Dadas wife picked up. But I dont understand how she
knew that it was me on the phone?
After I told to Rashmita what Dadas wife had said, she
Total Obedience
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63Raj Salvireplied, Well, you know that we have to go immediately
Within 15 minutes of the conversation we were on the road to
Sangli, a city about 300 miles from Mumbai.
For the last 40 years, my mother has been suffering with
schizophrenia. She lives with her stepbrother and his family in
a small village called Digraj, which is 5 km from Sangli, in the
province of Maharashtra. Medical treatment has not helped,
and as we headed to Digraj, all sorts of thoughts flashed through
my mind. Had something terrible happened to her? Was this
going to be the last time I would see her? I was sure Dada had
seen something bad and hence was giving me this opportunity
to see my mother.
As we reached Digraj, we both walked from the bus stop to
my mothers house.
This is a surprise remarked my mothers brother seeing
us standing in the doorway.
Is my mother ok? I asked.
Why do you ask? Did you hear something was wrong
with her from anyone? he questioned.
***
My mother spent her life in one corner of the old
dilapidated fortress that had been home to her for the past
40 years. Seeing the living condition of my mothers family,
one could never imagine what her antecedents had been.
Her family had been Chieftains in King Shivajis army
and the title of Sardar had been bestowed upon them. Her
ancestors on King Shivajis orders had attacked the Moghul
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64 I am.. I am not.. I am
Emperor Aurangzeb in the Deccan Plateau. In the darkness
of night, they attacked Aurangzebs tents. However, he had
already moved to a different location. This daring deed was
rewarded with the title of Himmat Bahadur. The spoils of
this adventure were passed on to them by Shivaji Maharaj.
Unimaginable amounts of gold, diamonds and rubies was
brought back to Digraj. However the sudden recognition
and prosperity had made my mothers ancestors arrogant
and it is believed that one of her ancestors had ordered a
house servant to be whipped to death for spreading the
familys secrets. The servant pleaded innocence but his pleas
were ignored. Just before dying he cursed that he would
destroy the entire lineage for this injustice. His spirit still
haunts the fortress today.
The family has gone from riches to rags. They are literally
sitting on top of the entire gold, diamonds, rubies which
was the reward given to them, buried safely below them. It is
believed that the spirit of that servant stops anyone trying to
reach that treasure. But that is another story.
***
Raj come here! my mother called out of the room where
she lives. I saw her sitting there with a faint smile on her face
as if she was part of this entire episode of making me come to
see her.
I suddenly realized that Dada had just tested my total
obedience to the Master. There has to be immediate execution of
his command. It is very akin to a command given to a soldier
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65Raj Salvi
All over the world, man burieshimself in egoism and
multicolored attachments to thefalse, depriving himself of the
intrinsic and self-sustainedhappiness that does not wane. He
seeks happiness through theperishing and transitional, and
invites upon himself the sufferingsof closed consciousness. One mustcontact the ocean of unfading blisswithin, and be free of the limitingduality of I and you, to unveil
the perennial spring ofimperishable sweetness which is
within each and all.
from the commander. The Guru wants total and unshakable
faith and obedience before he takes you as his trainee and shows
you the way to God.
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66 I am.. I am not.. I am
11C H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E RC H A P T E R
Work at Business Combine Limited Foundry in Nasik, a
small township about 200 miles northeast of Mumbai, was
hectic. We were the primary factory in India producing
Spheroidal Graphite Iron Castings. We were all proud of the
fact that we were one of the leading companies in Indias that
contributed to its economic progress.
I had been given the opportunity to look after the sales and
engineering development of the castings on an all-India basis.
I was determined to put in maximum effort and do my job to the
best of my ability. My daily routine was to arrive an hour earlier
than my scheduled time, go through all my mail and then
handwrite my replies on paper for each customer. I would
leave the replies attached to the respective letters and leave
them on my secretarys desk. I would then go off to the shop
floor in the foundry to look at the development aspect of the
castings. I would return back around mid-day to sign the letters.
On one particular day my routine was broken. As I entered
the main office I saw my secretary, sitting alone with her head
Sister Act
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67Raj Salvion the typewriter. I walked into my office, surprised at seeing
her at work so early in the morning. I settled down to start
answering my mail.
May I talk to you now, Sir? it was my secretary standing
at the door with tears streaming down her cheeks.
She was one of those people who always had a smile on
their face and seeing those tears made me realize something
grave had taken place.
I want to commit suicide she softly whispered.
I was immediately alert.
I want to hand in my resignation she added.
Please close the door and sit down. I said.
As she sat down, I enquired further
Tell me what the problem is?
The problem is my life at home she answered Everything
here is fine. In fact, coming to work is the best part of my day
she said with tears still flowing from her eyes. I have twin
sisters who are younger than me by nearly 15 years. When they
were born my father had a stroke and could not work anymore.
So in order to keep the family going, I stopped going to school
and started to work. Now, both my sisters have grown up and
graduated in Arts and are working in good jobs. They are
prettier than me, and earn more than me, so my mother is always
siding with them in arguments.
Thats normal, miss I interrupted.
Yes Sir, but recently they have started a new campaign
against me. Whenever we all sit for dinner they take away food
from my plate saying that this is from their earned money. I just
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68 I am.. I am not.. I am
cant take this kind of humiliation any more. It would be better
for everyone if I killed myself rather than go home today and sit
at dinner with all of them.
Are there no male members in your house? I enquired.
My father is too old and moreover is disabled, and my
brother does not want to get involved she replied.
How old is your brother?
Hes working with Kirloskar Tractors as an Assistant
Manager It struck me strange that her brother was mature
enough to handle factory affairs but yet was totally incapable
of running his own home. He was my best option, I decided
after hearing her story. Taking his contact number at the
company, I added Give me 12 hours to solve this problem. If
after that I do not have solution you are free to do whatever you
wish.
I was hoping deep in my heart that I would still be able to
see her back at her desk in the morning smiling as usual.
As I opened the door, most of the office staff was gathered
outside my door. The expressions on their faces ranged from
sly insinuations to plain curiosity.
Whats going on, Mr. Salvi?, asked our Personnel
Manager, in a tone of voice that was both crude and offensive.
Get your mind out of the gutter, I said. I was in fact
doing your job! The other got the message from my tone and
got back to their desks.
May I speak to Mr. Avinash I asked the receptionist at
Kirslokar Tractors. She paged him and he came on the phone
by the reception.
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69Raj SalviAvinash speaking.
My name is Raj Salvi, I work at Business Combine where
your sister works. In fact, I am her supervisor. I need to meet
you this evening for an urgent matter concerning your sister.
Can we meet at Mazda Restaurant? I will be there for dinner at
8:00pm and will be seated at Table Number 7. Please meet with
without fail.
There was a brief silence on the phone. I will come he
said and then abruptly hung up.
That evening I was waiting at Table Number 7 when at
8:00pm sharp, Avinash joined me.
This morning your sister confided in me that she wants to
commit suicide. She cant take the situation at home anymore.
Look Avinash interjected, I have a lot of responsibility
at work, so by the time I come home I want peace and to be left
alone. I eat my dinner, leave the house and come back once
everyone is asleep
I thought, here was a man who did not understand that
having an old, sick father meant that the responsibilities
naturally passed on to him as the eldest male in the family.
You cannot run away from the problem I said What
about your father?
Well he is too old and cannot do anything to control the
three of them Avinash informed me.
Can we go now and meet your father? I asked.
Avinash agreed and after paying the bill at Mazda, we
caught a rickshaw to where the Kale family lived.
Nasik is a place of pilgrimage for the Hindus; the place
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70 I am.. I am not.. I am
where the heroes of the epic Ramayan were exiled. There are
several ancient temples along the Godavari River which starts
at the top of Mount Trimbakeshwar. The Kumbh Mela which is
a gathering of the sadhus (religious ascetics) occurs in Nasik
every 15 years. These sadhus bathe in the Godavari River in
thousands during a particular time of the year and day. Several
people even lose their lives in the stampede which occurs.
My secretarys father was a devout Hindu and looked after
the upkeep of some of these older temples. It was a summer
evening, the river bed was dry, so I asked Avinash if he could
bring his father to the river bed so that we could sit on the
stones and discuss the problem without risking anyone
eavesdropping.
I waited patiently on the rocks for them to come. I could
soon see them coming in the darkness. Avinash was assisting
an old man wearing a dhoti and a white shirt with glasses. The
man could barely walk. I greeted them in the semi darkness, the
nearby streetlights allowing us just enough light to see our
features.
I am a tired man. I cannot interfer