I Can’t Fix It – Week 1: I Can’t Fix My Kids ©Arise Ministries, 2018 1

I Can’t Fix It Featuring

Pam Kanaly

→ Session 1: I Can’t Fix My Kids

Session 2: I Can’t Fix Others

Session 3: I Can’t Fix the Past

Session 4: I Can’t Fix Others

To view the accompanying videos for this series,

go to www.AriseMinistries.net/icantfixit.html

This series is presented by Arise Ministries. More online Bible studies can be found at www.AriseMinistries.net

I Can’t Fix It – Week 1: I Can’t Fix My Kids ©Arise Ministries, 2018 2

Motherhood. It’s defined as a profession that can drive a person completely insane! It’s a lifelong experience fraught with highs and lows—cherishing, loving, and enjoying children offset by guilt, frustration, and debilitating worry. It’s not easy fixing the tedious yoke of sleepless nights. Come along and discover how to replace worry by releasing and trusting your children to God—even in the midst of troublesome circumstances. *It’s impossible to address every “I can’t fix it” situation we face with our children. This session focuses mainly on circumstances resulting from choices our children willingly make. Although the principles in this study are universally true, we recognize the questions may not address concerns you face if you are experiencing different “I can’t fix it” moments with your children.

1. What situations in motherhood cause you the most concern? When do you feel worried and out of control?

2. Which of these are your most common responses when you encounter a concerning issue with a child and you can’t fix it? Circle all that apply.

panic worry call a friend and complain pray assume the worst try to control the situation lecture take it personal trust God show compassion withdraw from child use words to manipulate argue assume blame/fault consider God’s faithfulness display anger release them to God model grace and mercy

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Consider the responses you identified. What conclusions can you draw about how you react to “I can’t fix it” moments with your children?

As Pam pointed out in the video, “It’s a hard core fact: Nothing is dearer to us than our sons and daughters. Therefore, our biggest burden imaginable, whether they’re infants or adults, is seeing something in them or about them we cannot fix, change, or reverse.”

3. Read the following scriptures. Note the instruction specifically for parents in each passage.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9

Proverbs 29:17

The two scripture passages above summarize the pillars of our parenting responsibility. Of course there are many peripheral details in raising kids, but these two cornerstones are critical.

Teach our children about the character of God.

Discipline (train) as a means of helping our children see their need for a Savior. No place in scripture are we commanded to “make” children choose correctly. We don’t have that power over anyone. Our job is to teach and train, and then we fervently pray they choose wisely as a result. Does that mean we turn our heads and ignore wrong or difficult circumstances? No, but it should free us from the grips of a faulty belief system that insists we can orchestrate a heart change in another person simply by worrying or getting too involved.

4. Read 1 Corinthians 3:5-8. Write verses 6-7 in your own words. What does the Bible say about who is ultimately responsible for spiritual growth? What role did others play?

5. How can you apply this truth in your own life when you consider moments of “I can’t fix it” with your children? How does this encourage you to accept that it is God’s job bring about lasting change?

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Many of us had similar ideas when our children were born—especially as a naïve first-time mom. We were convinced if we did all the right things, kept them from every unholy influence, spoke the correct words, read them the best books, and sent them to the safest schools, we would raise children who avoided danger and caused no heartache to themselves (or to their mothers). Our immature thinking didn’t take into account the free will of our children to make their own choices—whether good or bad. Mom, you cannot fix the heart of your child. No boundary or parental “law” we put in place will protect our children from the sin nature they are born with. Only the love of Jesus rescues them from themselves. We must be careful not to assume the responsibility for a work that can only be accomplished by the Holy Spirit.

How do we survive the “unfixable” dilemmas we face in parenting? What is a mother to do with the crippling pain of watching a child walk through a season of heartache, loss, or rebellion? As Pam shared in the video, we must take two actions when we face with desperate situations—RELEASE and TRUST.

6. We worry about our children because our knowledge of their future is limited. We can’t foresee how situations will be resolved, if wrong choices will be made right, or if they will choose to follow wise counsel. Read the following passages and note the main idea in each.

Psalm 139:1-16 (Note the main idea in verse 16) Psalm 147:5 1 John 3:20

We see an important truth in these passages. God knows everything. He knew all of our days before we were born. The “I can’t fix it” concerns you have with your children—those were known to our God before they occurred. They didn’t catch Him off guard or surprise Him. And mom, he already knew your heart would struggle to make sense of life’s disappointments. In light of an all-knowing God, we can RELEASE our children to Him. What burdens you? What anxiety and worry are you carrying because there is something you can’t fix in your child? Friend, we are set free from debilitating worry when we release our concerns to the God who authored our child’s story from beginning to end.

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7. What does the Bible say about releasing our worry to God? What assurance does scripture give in these verses?

Psalm 55:22 1 Peter 5:7

There is a step that follows RELEASE. How often do we agree with God that He is all-knowing and able to bring light to a dark situation, yet we quickly pick up the burden again if we don’t see immediate results? Perhaps we don’t always believe God will come through, so we keep trying to step in and help. Once we release our children, we must TRUST a holy God to do the transforming work.

8. Read Proverbs 3:5. What does the Bible say about trusting God?

Trusting God doesn’t come naturally. As we grow closer to Him, we learn to see His goodness more and more, even in dire circumstances. He is always faithful, always trustworthy. Every time we experience His presence in the “I can’t fix it” moments of life we take a step toward an audacious trust in Him.

9. Read the following scriptures. What can you learn about God’s character from these verses? How do these encourage you to trust Him?

Romans 8:28 Isaiah 55:8-9 Matthew 6:25-34 Romans 8:37-39

Remember the story Pam told about Jochebed, the mother of Moses? She released her baby boy into the Nile River to an unknown destiny because of Pharaoh’s decree. She had the strength to do it because of her faith in a known God. Read the story in Exodus 2 and pay attention to her response to the “I can’t fix it” situation she faced.

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Mothers face so many “I can’t fix it” moments. It is a daily choice to release our children to God and trust Him to meet their needs. We can be concerned without exhausting ourselves with worry, but it takes an intentional, surrender-it-all-to-Jesus kind of faith. Life may feel out of control, but scripture reminds us to keep our eyes firmly fixed on the One who has sovereign control over all things.

10. Look back at your responses in question 2. Identify any you need to change. Write a prayer of

surrender to God. Ask Him to empower you to release your children to Him and to trust Him to accomplish His purpose in their lives. Boldly ask Him to move not only in your heart, but in the hearts of those you love and “fix” the concerns you are not created to mend.

If you find you are struggling with regret over past parenting mistakes, take heart! Jesus can redeem all the mistakes we may have made along the way. Pam addresses “I can’t fix my past” in Session 3. You’ll be encouraged and inspired to live your best life starting now.

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Notes for Small Group Discussion:

1. Briefly share your thoughts on the video.

2. Briefly talk about spiritual concepts you learned.

3. Share with your group a choice you need to make that will honor God.

4. Consider practical ways to find accountability with these truths.

To share your thoughts regarding this study, contact us at info@ariseministries.net.

This resource is made available for individual use. No part of this study may be copied or distributed in conjunction

with any another work or compilation. It may not be posted on any other website. Links to this document should

be made directly to www.ariseministries.net. Please contact us if you are interested in offering this study to a large

group and we would be happy to assist you.

PAM KANALY

Video Content Author

Pam is the co-founder of Arise Ministries and one America’s

leading advocates for single mothers raising children. She is

the author of The Single Mother and Her Rollercoaster

Emotions. As a former Bible teacher and national television

talk-show cohost, Pam thrives in empowering and equipping

women to live life with intentional purpose in what truly

matters. Learn more from Pam at www.AriseMinistries.net and

www.PamKanaly.com

KIM HEINECKE

Study Guide Author

Kim serves as the Director of Operations with Arise Ministries

and coordinates the online Bible study content. As a former

single mom she’s been encouraging women using her life

experiences in parenting, growing in the Word of God and

everything in between. Kim writes for www.AriseMinistries.net

and for her personal website The Mom Experiment.