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I thought I was crazyAuthored by ms Kelly Jean Freeman

5.0" x 8.0" (12.70 x 20.32 cm)Black & White on White paper114 pages

ISBN-13: 9781484036266ISBN-10: 1484036263

I Thought I Was CrazyBy Kelly Freeman

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Copyright © 2013 Kelly FreemanAll rights reserved

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Dedication

This book is dedicated to my children, who I would have never gotten through this ordeal without. They are the reason I am who I am today. The reason I sought help to better my life and make sure my children never thought it was okay to let anyone treat them with anything other than respect. I wish I had someone who had told me when I was growing up that it wasn’t okay and to never settle for less than what you want in a relationship.

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To my children, Gina, C.J, Marcus, and Andre” I love all of you; you are the reason for everything I have done from that time in my life forward. Never let anyone hold you back from realizing a life filled with love. After all, Love is what Life is all about.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

CHAPTER 1 .............................................................9

CHAPTER 2...........................................................11

CHAPTER 3...........................................................15

CHAPTER 4...........................................................37

CHAPTER 5...........................................................50

CHAPTER 6...........................................................55

CHAPTER 7...........................................................75

CHAPTER 8...........................................................88

CHAPTER 9 ........................................................100

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS....................................112

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CHAPTER 1

As I shut of my car, I check myself in the mirror to make sure I look ok, take a deep breath & get out of the car & head towards the school. I am a nervous wreck, I walk towards the High School wondering if I am making a mistake, but I push that thought aside and hesitantly walk up to the front door.

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I take a quick glance at my reflection in the glass on the door, I’m sweaty & pale. It’s 8:15 am and the first class starts at 8:30. I have never done this before & have only had a week to prepare. . I check my bag to make sure I have everything I need & make sure I’ve shut off my cell phone.

I have written 5 pages of what I plan to say. The classroom I am heading to is on the 3rd floor. It’s a health class where the students are learning about adolescent issues, but this is not just any health class, this is my 16 yr. old daughter Gina’s health class & I am the guest speaker. Today the students are learning about Domestic Violence.

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CHAPTER 2

My name is Kelly Freeman, I am 37 yrs. old, and I have 4 children & a granddaughter. I was raised by my mother & step father, who I consider my (father). I have an older sister & 2 younger brothers, (who were by my step dad).

Growing up my dad was addicted to prescription pain medication due to an injury he received while serving in the Marines during the Vietnam War. My father was verbally & physically abusive towards my sister & me for years.

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One day when my sister was 15 yrs. old my father hit her making her lip bleed, my sister finally stood up to him and yelled at him, she said “Don’t ever, ever hit me, I hate you”. My father never put his hands on her again. When my sister was 16 she got pregnant and had a daughter, I was 14 at the time. I resented the fact that I was still being physically abused, which was called being punished at the time. I used to hate going home after school because I didn’t know if he would be in one of his moods or not. It was like walking on egg shells.

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Somehow I made it through my teenage years only to become pregnant and had daughter named Gina at the age of 19. I moved out on my own when Gina was 8 mos. old and I thought that this would be the end of the abuse in my life. Unfortunately I went from one abusive relationship to another & never had a healthy relationship.

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I didn’t realize that the way I was being treated wasn’t normal. I always thought that somehow the way men treated me was my fault. I thought that if I could only be a better person, a better girlfriend, that maybe the men in my life wouldn’t abuse me. By the time I was 27 years old I had 4 kids, by 4 different men. I didn’t plan it that way and always thought that the next relationship would be different. I was searching for love in all the wrong places. I couldn’t imagine what I was doing wrong.

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CHAPTER 3

When I was 30 yrs. Old I met a man who I’ll call Frank. I thought Frank was the answers to all my prayers, he had a great job working at a local hospital, his own apartment, a nice car, & my kids really liked him. He would take us all out to amusement parks, buy nice things for my children & me, and for once I was with someone who helped me with paying bills, buying food, & he told me he would never treat me the way other men in my life had. I believed him.

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Frank swept me off my feet and made me feel safe and loved. Frank seemed too good to be true. After a few months he started to be protective and a little jealous. I was flattered by his behavior & thought (Wow) he must really care about me.

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During one of our first arguments Frank said some pretty nasty things to me and I was crushed to think he could be so mean after how nice he usually was to me. I was so hurt & I cried & told him how I felt about the things he said to me & he said “Kelly, it’s only because I love you so much” he said he was sorry & that it would never happen again, & I believed him, because I wanted it to be true.

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After we had been together for almost a year he started to really become possessive, he didn’t want me to hang out with my usual friends, and he would say that they were a bad influence on me, so I stopped hanging out with the people he didn’t like to make him happy. I had only 1 or 2 girlfriends besides my sister left that I was allowed to spend time with. He always wanted to know where I was going whenever I left the house & how long I would be gone for.

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Even though Frank had his own apartment that he shared with 2 roommates, he slept at my house almost every night. In the fall of 1998 Frank got into trouble with the law and he went to jail for about 30 days.

During the time he was locked up, I talked to him every day & told him everything I did. Frank would tell me how much he missed me and that things would be different when he came home, that he realized what family was all about. Frank told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

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When Frank got out of jail it was like we fell in love all over again. Things were great between us or so I thought. Not long after Frank had been home from jail he was hanging out with one of his friends & brought his friend to my house with him, I could tell that Frank had been drinking a little and he was in a bad mood.

Frank came into the kitchen and told me that he knew I had gone out with one of my girlfriends that he didn’t like while he was in jail and that he knew I had lied and not told him about it, his anger scared me so I started to leave and he pushed me as I was walking out the door.

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I couldn’t believe he put his hands on me. I was shocked and I was scared, I had never seen this side of him. He said “you baby, stop crying, you act like I hurt you.” I was so hurt & so angry that I left and went over my sister’s house to cool off. Frank kept calling me begging me to come home so we could talk. After a few hours at my sister’s I finally went home. Frank apologized & said “Kelly, I am so sorry for pushing you.” I don’t know what happened, I got so mad & it’s only because I love you so much, but I promise I will never, ever put my hands on you again. I believed him, because I wanted it to be true. After our fight, Frank treated me better

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than he ever had; it was like the beginning all over again.

A few months later I began working as a cocktail waitress at a local club to earn extra money. Frank wasn’t happy about me working at all, but I convinced him that it was a nice place & that he had nothing to worry about. For a while Frank didn’t seem to mind but eventually he became jealous and started complaining about the clothes I wore to work and the late hours. I was making good money and was finally able to move into a better place & out of the projects. I loved the independence that working gave me.

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Frank and I started arguing more and more, and he started going out drinking all the time. One night when I came in from work I checked on the kids & Frank’s younger sister who had been babysitting, straightened up the house a little & went to bed.

I woke up startled & looked around my room, saw no one there, so I closed my eyes and a few minutes later I heard a sound at my bedroom window. I couldn’t imagine what it could be because I lived on the 3rd floor.

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I got out of bed and walked over to the window to look out. I opened the window and saw Frank standing below, he had been throwing rocks up at my window, and he said open the door now. I closed the window, put on my bathrobe and went down stairs to open the door. The second I opened the door I knew something was wrong. Frank had a look on his face that I didn’t recognize; he lunged forward and tried to grab my arm. I was afraid of what he might do so I ran as fast as I could up all 3 flights of stairs and ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Frank was seconds behind me and he started yelling, “open the door”. I huddled in the

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shower and started crying because I didn’t know what he was so upset about and was afraid of what he might do to me. Frank began banging on the door and yelling really loud. After a few minutes I heard my daughter crying, she was saying “leave my mother alone”. Soon after, the rest of the kids, including Frank’s sister woke up. Frank told them that everything was ok and he wasn’t going to hurt me, he just wanted to talk to me. I believed him, so I opened the door and assured the kids that I was going to be ok. Frank told me he wanted to talk to me in my bedroom and pulled me into the room with him, closing the door behind us. He said “who did you

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have in here?” I was confused and told him that I didn’t know what he was talking about. Frank said “I know you had someone here, you were with someone that’s why you didn’t open the door for me.” I tried to tell him that I had drove straight home from work and gone to bed, that I was asleep when he began throwing rocks at my window. Frank told me that he didn’t believe me, that he thought that I had brought a guy home from work with me and that I was cheating on him and that’s why I didn’t open the door for him. I started crying and told him that I couldn’t handle his jealous behavior anymore and wanted him to leave. Frank became so

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angry and hit me in the chest with so much force that I fell on the floor, as I tried to get up, he hit me again, this time in the face. I couldn’t believe he hit me and I was crying begging him to just leave. Suddenly Frank picked me up and put me on the bed, he was himself again, the Frank I had known, telling me that he was sorry and that he didn’t mean to hurt me, that he would never do it again. This time I didn’t believe him, but I wanted to.

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Frank told me that when he thought about losing me that it made him crazy and he was only that way because he loved me so much and didn’t want to lose me. Frank put his arm around my waist and held on to me so tight I could hardly move. As I laid there waiting for him to fall asleep that night I thought to myself, “I can’t go on like this, yes, I thought that I loved Frank, and when things were good between us, they were very good, but when they were bad, they were more than I could bear.

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When I woke the next morning I had such a difficult time breathing, my chest hurt so badly where Frank had punched me and I had a black eye. My daughter asked me what had happened and I told her that Frank had hit me but that he did it by accident. I didn’t want her to know the truth and be afraid that it would happen again so I lied. I told Frank that I had to go food shopping and was going to be gone for a few hours just so I had an excuse to get out of the house and away from him.

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I left I went to Frank’s mother’s house with 3 of my children, Gina, Marcus, and Andre’ and asked his mother if she could watch the kids so I could go food shopping. As soon as she seen me, she said “Frank did that to you, didn’t he?” I told her the truth and told her that as much as I cared about Frank, I couldn’t be with him anymore, because I was afraid of him. Surprisingly Frank’s mother “Paula” was on my side. She told me that I needed to get away from him, even if it meant moving again. I couldn’t believe that I was wrong about him. I thought long and hard and decided that I had to make a plan to get away from Frank.

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I left Paula’s house and went to the emergency room and they told me I had 2 fractured ribs. I was even more determined to leave and get away from Frank as I did my food shopping and went home that day and acted as if nothing had happened.

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A few days later I was notified by mail that I was under investigation by Department of Children Services for the charges of neglect. I was devastated, I knew I wasn’t the best mother in the world, but I certainly didn’t neglect my children. I didn’t understand at the time that because I was in a relationship with an abusive person I was in fact guilty of neglect.

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I argued with the social worker at first and told her that I didn’t think it was fair that I was the one who was abused by Frank, not my children, but she firmly stated that if I stayed in the relationship with him knowing he was capable of abuse, that I would jeopardize the custody of my children. I then decided to put my plan in motion. I saved up money from working and started looking for an apartment outside of the city I had been living in since my kids were born. It was hard but I knew that I had to, in order to ensure that I would go through with staying away from Frank. I needed to put as much distance as I could between us.

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It took me about 2 months to find a place. I paid an $1100 security deposit and moved into a really nice place a few cities away. Things were going really good and I felt like I could finally relax and not worry about Frank any longer.

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It was the summer of 1999 and I was home one night relaxing watching television when there was a knock at my door. I wondered who it could be, since not many people, other than my family and a few close friends knew where I had moved to. I looked out the window panel on the door and was shocked to see, that it was Frank. He was just standing there with a look that made me nervous. He said “Kelly, please open the door, I need to talk to you, please?” I hesitated, and told him that I was not going to open the door and didn’t want him there. Frank told me that he had missed me and felt really bad about everything that had happened between us.

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He said “just let me in for a minute to talk to you, and then I will leave, I promise.” I reluctantly opened the door and asked Frank how he knew where I had moved to? He replied, “I have my ways Kelly.” Frank and I talked for about a half hour and he told me that when I moved and wouldn’t answer his calls anymore that it gave him time to think and he understood that the way he had treated me was wrong, that losing me made him realize that he wanted to change. Frank told me that he loved me and my kids and wanted us to be a family. I believed him.

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CHAPTER 4

For the next week and a half we did everything together. We were planning a big 4th of July cookout and were going to invite both of our families. Frank bought a new grill, a screen house and tons of food.

2 days before the 4th I was at work and Frank called me and asked me what was taking me so long getting home. I told him that I was running late and would be there shortly. When I came home Frank was in my bedroom on the phone, I could tell he was mad so I got my P.J’s and went into the bathroom to change for bed.

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When I went back into my room Frank was off the phone and asked me where I had been. And said he didn’t believe that I had been at work, that night Frank hit me in the face and broke my nose.

I was so angry that I was naïve enough to believe that he would never put his hands on me again after what happened the last time. Of course Frank apologized and said he would never hit me again, this time I didn’t believe him. I was afraid of Frank and was embarrassed that I was wrong about him.

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My daughter Gina asked me what happened the next morning and I told her that I had been in a car accident, because I was afraid of what Frank might do if I let anyone know the truth. Being a victim of Domestic Violence made me ashamed and I became a good liar, to cover the abuse I was suffering at the hands of someone I loved.

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On the 4th of July I acted as if everything was perfect, of course it wasn’t, but I couldn’t let my family and friends know what my life had become. So I played a part, of a happy and loving girlfriend. Everyone had a great time at the cookout, although I’m sure that no one believed I had been in a car accident.

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For the next week I tried to avoid Frank as much as I possibly could and kept myself busy. By this time, Frank knew that I wasn’t happy being with him anymore and wanted to end the relationship, so of course he tried to buy his way back into my heart and the hearts of my children. He would come to the house with groceries and toys for the boys and gave Gina money.

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One week after the cookout on the 4th of July I let my daughter’s best friend Mary spend the night. We all ate dinner which was buffalo chicken wings with fries. I cleaned up the mess from dinner and put everything away. After the kids went to bed I told Frank that I needed time to think, time to decide if being in a relationship with him was what I wanted. He didn’t argue with me, he didn’t get mad or violent, which was what I expected. Instead he told me that he only hurt me because he couldn’t stand the thought of losing me.

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I went to sleep that night not knowing what the next day would bring, but hopeful that Frank understood that I needed time to myself.

At 5 o’clock in the morning Gina woke me up by kicking my bedroom door and screaming that the house was on fire. I don’t even remember how I did it, but I grabbed both of the boys that had fallen asleep on the couch and carried one under each arm and ran out of the house as fast as I could. Gina and Mary were outside already and Frank came out last.

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The Fire Department came and it took quite a while for them to put out the fire that had spread to the upstairs apartment. By the time it was all over, the fire Inspector had determined that the fire had started on the stove, which someone had left it on. I couldn’t imagine how that had happened, I remember shutting it off when the wings were done and even washed the splattered grease from the stove top when I was done.

The Red Cross put the kids and me into a local motel because we were not allowed to go back into the house.

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Frank started harassing me the first night and said he wanted to know where I was staying. I told Frank that I was not in any condition to fight or argue with him, I was emotionally drained and just needed rest. Frank was persistent and kept calling me and even showed up knocking on the motel door, which I refused to open. I pretended that we weren’t in there and eventually he gave up and left. The next morning I went to the office and had them move us to a room that was next to the office.

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I finally had a new plan; I would ignore Frank and start over. It wasn’t easy. I stayed with my sister Lee Ann who had 4 kids of her own so I could work and save up some money to get another apartment.

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About 2 weeks later while outside on my sister’s front porch Frank showed up and started arguing with me, telling me that he needed me to give him some money. I told Frank that I had been working so hard trying to put my life back together and save for another apartment and I wasn’t giving him a dime. Frank slapped me across the face and Lee Ann came running out onto the porch yelling, “don’t you ever put your hands on my sister again”! Frank said “I didn’t touch her”. Lee Ann looked at me and asked “did he just hit you”? I said “no”. Lee Ann got so mad and was yelling at Frank, she told him to get off of her porch. She said “I watched him Kelly, I

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watched him through the window, and I saw him slap you across the face”. I stood there with my mouth open and didn’t know what to say. Frank left and I went back into the house with my sister. I was becoming such a liar; I lied to protect him, to protect the abuse. I thought that if I told people the truth that Frank would be even madder at me and become even more unpredictable.

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After another 2 weeks I had saved up $1700 and was trying to find an apartment. I was working as much as I could and sometimes it was hard because I couldn’t always find a sitter for my younger children who were 8 & 5years of age.

I kept in touch with Frank’s mother Paula who was still on my side. Paula offered to watch my boys for me whenever I needed her to. I had been looking for an apartment but still hadn’t found anything.

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CHAPTER 5

On the night of Friday Aug. 8th my daughter Gina asked if she could spend the night at Mary’s house while I went to work and I said yes. Paula was going to keep my boys overnight so I dropped them off and then brought Gina to Mary’s house and told her I would see her the next afternoon when I came to pick her up.

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A few hours after I got to work Frank started calling my phone. I ignored the first few calls and put my ringer on vibrate. 2 hours before I was done with work I looked at my cell phone and saw that Frank had called a couple more times, while I was looking at my phone he called again, this time I picked up. I told him that he was going to get me in trouble by calling my phone while I was supposed to be working. Frank sounded desperate, he said he felt really bad about my situation and knew that I was working hard to get a new place and wanted to help me. I agreed to call him back when I got out of work. I hung up the phone and went back to work for the rest of my shift. As

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if on cue, my phone was ringing as I got into my car after work and it was Frank of course. Frank said “please come and see me”, he told me that he really needed to see me and it wouldn’t take long, and Frank said he had some money that he was going to give me to help put towards getting an apartment. Against my better judgment, I said ok.

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It was 2 o’clock in the morning and I thought about calling my sister but didn’t want to wake her by calling. When I got to Frank’s apartment he was in a great mood and was being so nice. He asked me how everything was going and how the kids were. He said that he was glad that I had been saving money and was getting back on my feet. We ended up talking for hours about all sorts of things. We were laughing about things we had done when we first met.

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Frank was always a smooth talker and I missed the kind hearted side of him I had once known. Finally it was getting light outside and I told Frank that I had to leave. Frank said “why don’t you just sleep here just for a few hours.” I thought about it and decided that I would stay and sleep for a few hours and then I’d go get Gina and the boys.

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CHAPTER 6

It was about 12:00 when I woke up and decided I would leave. One of Frank’s roommates named David was in the kitchen as I came out of Frank’s room to get my bag. I had known David for years. Just before I was about to leave Frank asked me to bring him to the corner store, so I told him we’d have to hurry because I had to get the kids.

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Frank and I left the house and got into my car. As soon as I pulled out of the driveway onto the street Frank said “Kelly who have you been with since we broke up?” I replied “No one.” Frank then pulled my cell phone out of my bag and said “Then whose number is this on your phone?” I told Frank that I didn’t recognize the phone number. Frank told me to pull up to the phone booth that was in front of the store around the corner from his apartment. Frank took my cell phone with him and called the number that was on my phone, no one answered. Frank was visibly angry when he got back into my car and said “I’m going to ask you 1 time and 1 time only, who

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have you been with?” I said “No one.” Before I even realized what was about to happen Frank back handed me in the face and said “Wrong answer, now tell me the truth Kelly, who have you been with?” I was crying at this point and was afraid so I put my hands in front of my face and replied “No one.” Frank told me to drive back to his house. I was shaking and crying and couldn’t understand why Frank was doing this to me. He had seemed so calm and nice up until it was time for me to leave.

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As I pulled into the driveway of Frank’s apartment he told me to pull behind the house, which was facing another house. As I pulled up there were 3 people sitting at a kitchen table in the window above the front of my car. I put the car in park and Frank took the keys out of the ignition and pressed the automatic lock button on the door. “Again” Frank said, “tell me the truth Kelly?” I covered my face with my hands and replied “I swear to God I haven’t been with anyone.” Frank said “Why are you covering your face?” I told him that I was afraid that he was going to hit me, Frank said, “If you don’t put your hands down, I’m going to hit you.” So I put

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my hands down and Frank punched me in the face. I looked up towards the people that were sitting at the table in the window and they pulled the shade to the window down. I couldn’t believe that they were not going to help me. I was begging Frank “Please, please don’t hit me, I swear to god I haven’t been with anyone at all, I haven’t even had time to think of being with anyone, all I’ve been doing is working, trying to get my life back together.”

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Frank unlocked the doors to the car, grabbed my purse and got out of the car and came around to my side of the car. I thought about locking the door from inside but remembered that he had my keys. Frank opened my door and grabbed me by the hair and said “Move, get up stairs right now you idiot, you’re so stupid.” My mind was racing, I couldn’t think straight, with Frank right behind me going up the stairs back to his apartment.

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When I opened the door David was in the door way of his bedroom and I looked at him and mouthed the words, “call the police”. Frank led me to his bedroom where he closed and locked the bedroom door. Frank said “Ok, let’s try this again Kelly, tell me who you have been with since we broke up, I already know because your so-called friend told me, I just want to hear it from you?” I covered my face with my hands and said “No one.” Frank punched me so hard in the forehead that a lump immediately formed. I started screaming at the top of my lungs “help me, someone please help me”. Suddenly I heard David, he began banging on Frank’s

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bedroom door and was yelling, “Leave her alone you’re going to kill her.” Frank suddenly raced to the door and opened it and immediately began hitting David, pushing him away from the bedroom door and told him to leave and mind his own business. David was scared of Frank and of what he would do to him so he left the apartment, leaving me alone in the house with Frank. Frank came back into the room and locked the door again and told me that no one was going to save me. Frank swung at me backhanding me across the face and I covered my face to brace for the next blow. He was getting mad that I was trying to cover my face every time he hit me because

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it was hurting his hands so he pushed me down on his bed and sat on top of me with his knees on my arms so I could no longer cover my face. Frank punched me repeatedly in the face until my left eye was completely swollen closed. Frank then dragged me off the bed by my hair and pushed my face up to the mirror on his dresser and said “Look, Look at yourself, you did this, you did it to yourself, by the time I’m done with you no one will ever look at you again and want you, I’m going to make you ugly, now get back over there on the bed so I can finish the other side.” Frank sat on top of me and hit me on the right side of my face repeatedly until my right eye was

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then swollen closed. I was in so much pain and so afraid that I started screaming at Frank and said “I can’t take it anymore, I know you are going to kill me so please just do it and get it over with.” Suddenly Frank stopped hitting me and put his hands around my throat and started to choke me.

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I’ve heard that your life flashes before your eyes when you’re faced with death, but my children were what flashed before mine, I felt so bad that I had failed them, that I didn’t do a better job of being a good mother most of all I felt bad that they would have to grow up without a mother. I remember thinking and above all else I prayed, “God please, if I make it through this I promise I will change my life, I’ll be a better person, a better mother, and I will help other people.” And then blackness surrounded me.

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The next thing I remember was burning pain and the smell of alcohol, Frank was cleaning blood from my ears with Q-tips and alcohol. I started crying hysterically 1st from the pain and then from the realization that I was still alive. Frank was talking quietly to me saying “Kelly, I’m sorry I had to do this to you, but you need to be honest with me. Frank then handed me 2 pills and told me to take them that they were for the pain and would help me rest, I took them and a short time later I drifted off to sleep.

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I lost all track of time and remember waking up a few times to Frank giving me more medicine to help with the pain and I would drift back off to sleep. At one point I woke up and had no clothes on and Frank was lying next to me, I could hear him snoring and was assured that he was asleep. I thought to myself that if I could get to the kitchen and get some ice, that maybe I could get the swelling to go down on my eyes and maybe I could see to find a way to get away. I felt around on the floor and found a t-shirt and a pair of boxers and put them on and quietly opened the door to Frank’s room, as I stepped out into the living room, I heard my 2

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youngest children, Marcus and Andre’, they gasped and started to cry when they saw me. I hadn’t realized that Frank had gone to Paula’s house to pick them up and brought them to his house while I had been asleep. I put my finger to my lips and said shhh, don’t worry I’m ok, mommy has a plan, I’m going to get us out of here.

As I started to walk into the kitchen I collapsed onto the kitchen floor, both of the boys started to scream and David came running out of his room. I lay there as quietly and as still as I could.

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Frank came out of his room and knelt beside me and said, “Kelly, Oh my god, I’m sorry, please don’t tell anyone I did this to you. I gasped and said “help me, I can’t breathe, please call an ambulance.” David yelled and said “call 911.”

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When the police and paramedics showed up they asked Frank what had happened to me, and Frank told them that he found me like that in his hallway when he came home that morning and that I had told him that 2 men attacked me in the parking lot down the street from his house. When the police asked me if that was true, I said “Yes,” I lied. I thought that once I was away from Frank I would tell the truth. The paramedics allowed Frank to ride in the ambulance with me to the hospital and Frank stayed with me holding my hand and playing the part of a concerned and loving boyfriend.

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Frank was never far from my side during the time I spend at the hospital and eventually they released me, giving Frank my prescriptions, instructions for my care and telling him that I was to follow up with a Dr.’s appointment the next morning. I knew my sons were still at Frank’s house with his roommate David so I agreed to go back to his house. I told Frank that I needed to get the kids and pick up my daughter Gina who had been at Mary’s house. When we got back to Frank’s house he said “Nice try Kelly, but you’re not going anywhere, I can’t let anyone see you like this, you’re staying here until I figure out what I’m going to do.” I became

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so angry, I was crying and yelling at Frank saying “Just let me leave, haven’t you done enough, look at me?” Frank slapped me across the face and knocked me onto his bed. That night Frank raped me. I cried, begged, and pleaded with him to stop, but Frank acted as if he didn’t hear a word I said. When Frank was done, he said “You will never be with anyone after me.” I sobbed, and thought to myself, how could anyone do these things to someone they say they love? This isn’t the love I want. This isn’t the love I want my children to have. I need to get out.

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I’m not sure how long I lay still pretending to be sleeping before I finally had the courage to move, I slid off the bed, trying not to cause too much movement and found some clothes to put on. I quietly left the bedroom and went right to David’s bedroom door. I opened his door and whispered to wake him up. David woke up startled and said “What are you doing,” I said “Please get me out of here before he kills me.” David said “What about the kids?” And I told him that I couldn’t take the chance of waking them up to leave because if Frank heard us, I would never be able to leave. I struggled with the decision for a few minutes and knew that I had to leave without taking the kids; I

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would have to have someone come back for them. I quietly sobbed as I looked back at my children on the couch; sound asleep with their arms around each other, leaving them was so hard, but I knew it was the only way I would make it out of Frank’s house alive.

David quickly found the keys to my car on the kitchen table and led me out the door, down the stairs and into my car.

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CHAPTER 7

Instead of going straight to the Police Station, David drove to Frank’s sister Tina’s house and as soon as she opened the door she looked at me and cried, “Oh my God, What did he do to you?” Tina called her mother and explained what had happened and told her they were coming to get her, and together they would go to Frank’s house to pick up the boys. That was the longest hour of my life, as I waited at Tina’s house for them to come back.

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When they all finally arrived back at Tina’s I was so relieved to know that my boys were safe and we were together away from Frank.

The time had come that I had dreaded, to go to the Police Station and tell them what had happened. I knew I had to tell them the truth; I could not let Frank get away with what he did to me, that if I did nothing about it, it would never end until he killed me.

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David drove Frank’s mother, and I to the Police Station and they both sat by my side as I told the Police that it was Frank and not 2 men who had beat me until my eyes were swollen closed, but I could not bring myself to tell them that he raped me. I felt so dirty, so violated and just wanted this nightmare to end. I was couldn’t believe this nightmare was finally over. Within 30 minutes of getting to the Police Station, the Police had Frank in custody, he was charged with kidnapping and mayhem.

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As I was sitting with the victim witness advocate in the Police Station my sister Leeann walked in and walked up to her and said “I’m here for my sister Kelly Freeman.“ When I heard my sister’s voice I said “Leeann, it’s me. “ Leeann screamed and said “Oh my god, what the hell did he do to you? “She couldn’t believe that the person she was looking at was me. After I was done at the Police Station the Domestic Violence Advocate brought me over to the Court House where I applied for a restraining order. I was led into the courtroom where Frank was being arraigned.

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It took over a week before the swelling in my face went down enough for me to be able to open my eyes. The first time I saw myself in the mirror I cried “I am so ugly,” I thought that Frank got what he wanted and no one would ever want me.

3 weeks later I was in the grocery store with Gina and I had on sunglasses that were covering the bruising on my face and eyes but the sunglasses were tight because of the swelling so I took them off, Gina said “Mom, put the glasses back on, people are starring at you.” I said “No, I don’t care if people look at me; I have nothing to be ashamed of.”

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As Gina and I stood in the checkout line a woman in her 30’s kept turning around and starring. I could tell that it really bothered Gina and I started to get really angry and I said to the woman, “Excuse me? Didn’t anyone ever teach you that it’s not polite to stare?” The woman looked shocked and spun around so fast she almost fell. I continued to yell “Yes this is Domestic Violence”. My daughter Gina was mortified as we left the store. I told Gina that I wish I could take a picture of what I looked like and have it blown up and put on a billboard saying “This is Domestic Violence.” I was so angry; I felt that I was being looked at as if there was something wrong with

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me.

I went home that day and asked my sister Lee Ann to take a picture of me and she did. I have that picture here with me today. I am going to pass the picture around the class for all of you to look at and anyone who doesn’t want to look, just pass it on.

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After the bruises went away I went to a local domestic violence agency that I had been referred to by the police department. I met with a woman who brought me into a room and asked me about what had happened to me, after I explained to her the ordeal I had suffered through she replied “that’s terrible, I know how you feel”. I said “Oh really, you’ve been a victim of domestic violence before”? The woman said “No but”, that was all I heard before I got up from where I had been sitting and yelled “No you don’t know how I feel, I don’t care how much you learned about this in a book or in school, If you’ve never been through it you will never understand how I

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feel”.

I left that agency that day and never went back. I tried to put this horrible experience behind me and forget it even happened and for a while it worked. Then my world started to fall apart, I was in constant fear that something bad was going to happen to me. I would start crying for no reason even while I was at work so I started calling in sick and eventually I quit my job.

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This lasted for 2yrs. I didn’t want to leave my house, I didn’t want anyone to look at me, and I felt broken. I had horrible nightmares and flash backs of what Frank did to me. I couldn’t concentrate on anything, my mind was constantly racing. I tried to live life as usual, but I was spiraling out of control, and didn’t know what to do. I was overwhelmed with fear.

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I finally called my Doctor, I decided I had to find out what was wrong with me, I told her about the nightmares, the mood swings, the fears that I was experiencing and that I was afraid, “I thought I was crazy,.“ My doctor told me that she thought I might be suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and was going to refer me to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. I must say that I was nervous to see a psychiatrist; I had never been to one before.

The day of my appointment I met a woman named Nina who was to be my Therapist. Nina changed my life.

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I had to find a way to forgive Frank for what he did to me, I know that might sound crazy to some of you, but I couldn’t begin to heal until I forgave. It was difficult at first but it ended up being completely liberating.

I have been in Therapy for 2yrs. I have gone through a trauma recovery group and even took self-defense classes. I have learned to stand up for myself, to take care of myself, and above all else I have learned that I deserve to be treated with respect. I have never felt stronger than I am today.

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CHAPTER 8

No one deserves to be treated with anything less than respect. Domestic Violence is a learned experience and 9 out of 10 people that grow up with Domestic Violence will either repeat that behavior or become a victim of it. Bullying is an indicator of someone who has the potential to be abusive.

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I recognize a young girl in the class and I ask her, “Do you know who I am?” Her “Yes,” Me “How long have you known me?” She says “My whole life.” Me “Did you ever know this happened to me?” She replies “No.” Me “I’ll tell you why you never knew this, It’s because people that are in abusive relationships don’t say (Me raising hand waving) Hey guess what? My boyfriend or husband beats me.” They are ashamed and embarrassed.

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I wish that when I was growing up that I had someone that told me “It’s not okay for someone to treat you this way.” You kids are lucky; you learn about this in school, you have teachers like Ms. Cepp. That tell you it’s not okay for someone to treat you this way.

If anyone of you are in a relationship where you feel you are at risk of being abused, please tell someone, tell a friend, a teacher, a guidance counselor, get help. There are red flags, warning signs that someone has the potential to be abusive.

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Some of the red flags or warning signs that someone you are dating has the potential to become controlling and or abusive are listed below.

1. Has had a history of drug or alcohol abuse.

2. Has a history of trouble with the law, frequently gets into fights or breaks and destroys other people’s property when angry.

3. Blames you for how they treat you, or for anything bad that happens.

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4. Tells you to shut up or tells you that you are dumb, stupid, fat, or calls you other insulting names.

5. Puts people down, including your family and friends or calls them names.

6. Tries to isolate you and control who you spend time with or where you go.

7. Is always angry at someone or something.

8. Abuses siblings or other family members, children or pets.

9. Cheats on you.

10. Accuses you of cheating.

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11. Ignores you.

12. Nags you or forces you to be sexual when you don’t want to be.

13. Is physically rough with you.

14. Doesn’t work or go to school.

15. Threatens to kill them self if you break up with them, or tells you they cannot live without you.

16. Compares you to their former partner.

17. You find yourself afraid to break up with them.

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18. Takes your money or takes advantage of you in other ways.

19. Tells you how to dress or act.

20. Experiences extreme mood swings.

21. You feel afraid to make decisions or bring up certain subjects so that they won’t get mad, (Walking on egg shells).

22. You tell yourself that if you just try harder and love your partner enough that everything will be just fine.

23. You find yourself crying a lot, being depressed or unhappy.

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24. You find yourself worrying and obsessing about how to please your partner and keep them happy.

25. They expect you to have no life that doesn’t include them.

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In the beginning of the relationship if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Take your time getting to know someone before you get involved in a relationship with them. Watch how they behave around their family and friends. If they are angry with someone, listen carefully, because if they are arguing with someone and they are calling them names, degrading them or becoming violent, chances are they will behave the same way with you.

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Children who witness domestic violence at home display emotional and behavioral disturbances such as withdrawal, low self-esteem, nightmares, self-blame, & aggression against other people or property.

Boys who witness domestic violence are 2x’s likely to abuse their own partners when they become adults.

One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.

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Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States, more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.

A woman is beaten by her husband or partner every 15 seconds in the United States.

85% of domestic violence victims are women and 15% are men.

Domestic violence occurs among people of all races, ages, religions, occupations, sexual orientations, and educational backgrounds. Domestic violence doesn't discriminate.

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Each episode of domestic violence tends to increase and become more violent over time.

(These are only some of the facts of domestic violence).

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CHAPTER 9

I never once looked at the 5 pages that I had written to use that day, I didn’t have to because it was my story and I knew it by heart.

A few months after I spoke for the first time in Ms. Ceppetelli’s health class I was walking through a local mall and saw a bunch of cardboard cut outs of people of all sizes that had names with dates on all of them. I asked the woman who was in the center of them what it was all about? She told me that each one of them represented someone who had lost their life due to domestic violence.

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I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I was so overwhelmed by how many people, men, women, and children that had actually lost their lives that I started to cry. The woman came over to me, genuinely concerned and asked me if there was anything she could do for me. I thought about it for a minute and said “No”, I didn’t need her to do anything for me but I wanted to know what I could do, I wanted to help in any way that I could.

I left there that day with a new hope, a hope that I could make a difference even if I helped save only one person from living a life of abuse it would be worth it.

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2 weeks later, I stood in the pouring rain at a candlelight vigil for victims of domestic violence. I didn’t care that it was October and it was freezing outside, I was making a difference, I was standing up for victims that didn’t have the courage to stand up for themselves. After the candlelight vigil I met with the founder of the domestic violence organization (Diane) and asked her what else I could do to help out. She told me that she would be in touch and let me know when they would be having another event that I could volunteer for.

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Just a few weeks later I received a call from Diane asking if I wanted to help with a Christmas toy drive, the toys would be donated at a local mall and be distributed to children who have been affected by domestic violence. I was thrilled, I finally felt like I was giving back and really helping make a difference in the lives of those who have been impacted by domestic violence.

I worked for the agency as a volunteer for approximately a year. After one of the events, which was held in May, Diane asked me if I would be interested in becoming a paid employee for the organization. I didn’t hesitate to say yes.

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I worked my way up through the organization in no time at all and loved the work I was doing. I was finally making a difference and to me that’s what it was all about. I still found time to go back to Ms. Ceppetelli’s health class as a guest speaker every year.

The organization I was working for was nationally recognized and Diane won an award which was mentioned in the New York Times. The Montell Williams Show contacted Diane and asked her if she would be willing to be featured on the show. She agreed. The producers of the show came out and filmed us at work.

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After talking to us the producers asked me if I would be willing to be taped talking about the incident I had with Frank. I agreed. I also gave them a copy of the picture my sister took of me, battered & bruised. As I sat in the audience of the Montell Williams Show watching the tape rolling of me talking about what had happened I was shocked of the impact it had on me, until I saw my picture on the screen. Suddenly I realized, I might not have blown up my picture and put it on a billboard, but having it on national TV was more than I could have ever hoped for. I achieved what I wanted to do, bring awareness to domestic violence.

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It has been almost 10 years since the day I walked into Ms. Arlene Ceppetelli’s class and spoke about what happened to me for the very first time. I didn’t realize the impact that telling my story would have on me or on the students I spoke to.

I have received hundreds of letters from students over the years telling me how my story has helped them to recognize unhealthy behaviors and/or inspired them to break free from abusive relationships.

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It took me a long time to forgive myself for the choices I made back then that have had a lasting impact on my children. I understand now that I didn’t know any better, just as my parents didn’t know any better, it wasn’t their fault that my grandparents didn’t know any better. Domestic Violence is a vicious cycle that will continue from generation to generation unless someone breaks that cycle. We as parents do the best we can with what we have.

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I want my children to have what it takes to never repeat abusive behaviors or except them, and to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.

I no longer work for the domestic violence agency I was working for, but I am still as passionate as ever about educating people on the impact of Domestic Violence.

Unfortunately Ms. Ceppetelli has retired from teaching, but she will always have a place in my heart. She inspired me to want to make a difference in other people’s lives even if it’s one person at a time.

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I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I wish I never had to go through that horrible time in my life, but if I hadn’t I wouldn’t be the strong independent woman I am today.

I pushed myself to not be afraid of getting back out into the dating world; after all I am a much better judge of character than I was all those years ago. I know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. I have a 90 day rule now. I take my time getting to know someone before I even consider any type of relationship. I also have created 2 lists that I go by, it works for me.

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1. Is a must list which is a non-negotiable list of qualities a potential date must have. (Such as being kind hearted).

2. Is a wish list. The wish list is negotiable (Such as tall, dark, & handsome).

I am single, not because I can’t find anyone but because I haven’t found anyone that’s good enough for me, not yet. It will take a special man to capture my heart, because I know I deserve a wonderful man and I will never settle for less.

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I would like to thank Arlene Ceppatelli for allowing me to share my story with her students. I admire her dedication and commitment to the students who passed through her classes over the years. She truly changed the direction of my life. I wish I had a teacher like her while I was growing up. I would also like to thank my children for giving me the greatest gift of all, a reason to live & love. I am grateful to have been given a second chance.

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The End

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