icai bikaner assertive training

ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING

PREPARED FOR ICAI BIKANER CHAPTER by :

dr. t.k. JainAFTERSCHOOOL

centre for social entrepreneurship sivakamu veterinary hospital roadbikaner 334001 rajasthan, india

www.afterschoool.tkmobile : 91+9414430763

http://www.afterschoool.tk/

02/01/10 AFTERSCHOOOL centre for social entrepreneurship 2

What is an assertive personality?

● You are assertive when you stand up for your rights in such a way that the rights of others are not violated– Implies that you can express your personal likes and

interests– You can talk about yourself without being self

conscious– You can accept compliments comfortably– You can openly disagree with someone– You can ask for clarification– You can say “NO”


Developing an Assertive Communication Style

• The nature of assertiveness.

– Assertiveness – “involves acting in your own best interests by expressing your thoughts and feelings directly and honestly”.

– In contrast, submissive communication involves “giving in” to others.

• Individuals who use this style report feeling bad about being “pushovers”.


Developing an Assertive Style

• The nature of assertiveness. (cont.)

– Aggressive communication is different from assertiveness and “focuses on saying and getting what you want at the expense of others”.

– Assertive communication is more adaptive than either submissive, or aggressive communication, and is a skill that can be learned through assertiveness training.


• Steps in assertiveness training:

1. Understand what assertive communication is.

• Don’t forget about nonverbal cues.

2. Monitor your assertive communication.

• Identify when you are not assertive, find out who intimidates you, on what topics, and in which situations.



• Steps in assertiveness training: (cont.)

1. Observe a model’s assertive communication.

2. Practice assertive communication by using:

• Covert rehearsal – imagine using assertiveness in a situation that requires it.

• Role playing – ask a friend to play the role of an antagonist so you can practice.

3. Adopt an assertive attitude.



What about those who don’t show assertive behavior?

● People who show relatively little assertive behavior do not believe they have a right to their feelings, beliefs, or opinions.

● They reject the idea that they are equal to others● They have difficulty objecting to exploitation or mistreatment● They grew up doubting themselves and looking to others for validation and

guidance


What are the 3 basic styles of interpersonal behavior?

● Aggressive – opinions, feelings, and wants are honestly stated, but at the expense of others● Advantage – get what they want● Disadvantage – make enemies and people avoid

them● Passive – opinions, feelings, and wants are

withheld altogether or expressed indirectly● Advantage – minimizes responsibility for making

decisions● Disadvantages – low selfesteem and having to live

with others decisions


What are the 3 basic styles of interpersonal behavior? (cont)

● Assertive – opinions, feelings, and wants are clearly stated without violating the rights of others● Advantage – active participation in making decisions,

getting what you want without alienating others, emotional and intellectual satisfaction of respectfully exchanging feelings and ideas, and high selfesteem


What is your script for change?

● Look at your rights, what you want, what you need, and what your feelings are about the situation

● Arrange a time and place to discuss your problem that is convenient for you and the other person

● Define the problem as specifically as possible’● Describe your feelings so that the other person has a

better understanding of how important the issue is to you● Express your request in one or two easy to understand

sentences● Reinforce the other person to give you what you want


What if the other person doesn’t get it?

● In some cases, positive reinforcement may be ineffective

● If the person seems resistant or you’re having trouble motivating them to cooperate● Utilize negative consequences for failure to cooperate● Most effective ones are descriptions of the alternative

way you will take care of yourself if your wishes aren’t met

• If we can’t leave on time, I’ll have to leave without you. Then you’ll have to drive over later on your own.


LADDER script

● Look at your rights and goal in the situation● Arrange a time and place to discuss the situation● Define the problem specifically● Describe your feelings using “I” statements● Express your request simply and firmly● Reinforce the other person to give you what you want


Is body language important to assertiveness?

● Yes, it portrays confidence in what you are saying and doing

● Important body language cues:● Maintain direct eye contact● Maintain an erect body posture● Speak clearly, audibly, and firmly● Don’t whine or use an apologetic tone of voice● Make use of gestures and facial expressions for emphasis


Is listening important to assertiveness?

● Yes, it is just as important for you to hear the other person as for them to hear you

● Sometimes you will need to deal with an issue that is important to the other person before they will be able to focus on what you have to say.● This is especially true when what you want conflicts with

long unspoken and unmet needs of the listener● Steps to listening assertively

● Prepare● Listen and Clarify● Acknowledge


Learn how to avoid manipulation

● Broken record● Contenttoprocess

shift● Defusing● Assertive delay● Assertive agreement● Clouding● Assertive inquiry● Laughing it off

● Accusing gambit● The beatup● Delaying gambit● Why gambit● Selfpity gambit● Quibbling● Threats● Denial


Toward More Effective Communication

• Tips for creating a positive interpersonal climate:

1. Learn to feel and communicate empathy.

2. Practice withholding judgment.

3. Strive for honesty.

4. Approach others as equals.

5. Express your opinions tentatively.


• Conversation skills: five steps for making successful “small talk”:

1. Indicate you are open to conversation by commenting on your surroundings.

2. Introduce yourself.

3. Select a topic others can relate to.

4. Keep the conversation ball rolling.

5. Make a smooth exit.

Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)


• SelfDisclosure – “the act of sharing information about yourself with another person” – is important to adjustment for several reasons.

1. Sharing problems with others plays a key role in mental health.

2. Emotional selfdisclosures lead to feelings of closeness.

3. Selfdisclosure in romantic relationships is associated with relationship satisfaction.



• Self disclosure and relationship development.

– Selfdisclosure varies over the course of relationships.

• At the beginning, there are high levels of mutual selfdisclosure, which taper off as the relationship becomes established.

• In established relationships, disclosures are not necessarily reciprocated.



• Movement away from reciprocal selfdisclosures in established relationships occurs for two reasons:

– There is more of a need for support, than a reciprocal disclosure from the other person.

– The need for privacy outweighs the need for mutual selfdisclosure.



• Culture, gender, and selfdisclosure.

– Personal selfdisclosures occur more in individualistic cultures, whereas disclosures about one’s group membership are the norm in collectivist cultures.

– Females tend to disclose more than do males, and this trend is strongest within samegender friendships.



• Tips for Effective Listening.

1. Signal your interest in the speaker by using nonverbal cues:

• Face the speaker squarely.

• Lean toward them.

• Try not to cross arms and legs.

• Maintain eye contact.



• Tips for Effective Listening. (cont.)

1. Hear the other person out before you respond.

2. Engage in “active listening” by:• Asking for clarification if information is

ambiguous.

• Paraphrasing what the person said by stating the speaker’s main points back to them to ensure you have interpreted correctly.

3. Pay attention to the other’s nonverbal cues.



Communication Problems

• Communication apprehension – “or anxiety caused by having to talk with others” is usually followed by one, of four, responses:

1. Avoidance – choosing not to participate.

2. Withdrawal – “clamming up” in conversation you cannot escape.

3. Disruption – the inability to make fluent statements.

4. Overcommunication – (e.g., nervous speech).


• Barriers to effective communication.• Defensiveness – excessive concern with

protecting oneself from being hurt.• Motivational distortion – hearing what you

want to hear.• Selfpreoccupation – being so selfabsorbed

the other person cannot equally participate.• Game playing – manipulating the interaction,

or concealing your real motives for a selfish purpose.

Communication Problems (cont.)


Interpersonal Conflict

• Beliefs about conflict.

– Most people believe any kind of conflict is bad.

– However, avoiding conflict is usually counterproductive and leads to a selfperpetuating cycle (see Figure 7.10).

– It is better to confront conflicts constructively so that issues can be aired and resolved.


• Five types of conflict:

• Pseudoconflict – false conflict from game playing.

• Factbased conflict.

• Policy conflict – disagreement about how to handle a situation.

• Valuebased conflict – disagreement that occurs when people hold opposing values.

• Egobased conflict – emphasis on winning over resolving the conflict.

Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)


• Styles of managing conflict:– Two dimensions (concern for self, and

concern for others) underlie five distinct patterns of managing conflict (see Figure 7.11).– Avoiding/Withdrawing (low concern for

self and others).– Accommodating (low concern for self,

high concern for others).– Competing/Forcing (high concern for

self, low concern for others).



• Styles of managing conflict: (cont.)

– Compromising (moderate concern for self and others).

– Collaborating (high concern for self and others).

– While compromising simply involves “splitting the difference”, collaborating involves finding a solution that is maximally satisfying to both parties.



• Dealing constructively with conflict.

– Make communication honest and open.

– Use specific behavior to describe another person’s annoying habits rather than general statements about their personality.

– Avoid “loaded” words.

– Use a positive approach and help the other person “save face”.



• Dealing constructively with conflict. (cont.)

– Limit complaints to recent behavior and to the current situation.

– Assume responsibility for your own feelings and preferences.

– Try to use an assertive communication style.



• Tannen (1998) describes contemporary America as “the argument culture” in which there is a growing tendency to take adversarial positions in almost any public situation.

• Contributing factors include:

1. The self is perceived to be an isolated entity.

2. Americans tend to see things in terms of opposites (e.g., “good” vs. “bad”).

3. Facetoface communication is on the decline.

4. Desensitization from exposure to high levels of physical and verbal aggression in the media.

Public Communication in an Adversarial Culture


• Restoring productive public communication:

– What Can Individuals Do?

1. Tune in to nonverbal signals.

2. Create a positive interpersonal climate.

3. Be a good listener.

4. Overcome the barriers to effective communication.

Adversarial Culture (cont.)

icai bikaner assertive training

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