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I h8 txt msgs: How texting is wrecking our language

By JOHN HUMPHRYS

A good dictionary is a fine thing - I yield to no man in my loe for one! If I stretch o"t my right arm as I ty#e$ Ican #l"c% from my sheles the t&o ol"mes of the Shorter O'ford (nglish )ictionary!

*hey are as close to my heart as they are to my des% +eca"se they are so m"ch more than a "sef"l tool!

,eafing thro"gh a good dictionary in search of a single &ord is a small oyage of discoery - infinitely more

satisfying than loo%ing something "# on the internet!

Its #artly the #hysical sensation - the feel and smell of good #a#er - and #artly the minor tri"m#h of finding the&ord yo" see%$ +"t its rare to o#en a dictionary &itho"t +eing dierted some&here else!

*he eye falls on a &ord yo"e neer seen +efore or one &hose meaning yo" hae al&ays &anted to chec%$ and

yo" close the dictionary ."st a little +it richer for the e'#erience!

B"t my lifetime loe affair &ith the O() is at ris%! *he si'th edition has ."st +een #"+lished and - I feel a small

sh"dder as I &rite these &ords - it has fallen ictim to fashion!

It has remoed the hy#hen from no fe&er than /0$111 &ords!

So in f"t"re &e are re2"ired to s#ell #igeon-hole$ for instance$ as #igeonhole and lea#-frog as lea#frog! In other

cases &e hae t&o &ords instead of one! Pot-+elly shall henceforth +e #ot +elly!

Yo" may ery &ell say3 so &hat4 Indeed$ yo" may &ell hae f"nctioned #erfectly &ell "ntil no& s#ellinglea#frog &itho"t a hy#hen!

*he s#ell-chec% 5sorry3 s#ellchec%6 on my com#"ter is ha##y &ith +oth! B"t thats not &hy I feel +etrayed +y

my #recio"s O()!

Its +eca"se of the reason for this change! It has ha##ened +eca"se &e are changing the &ay &e comm"nicate&ith each other$ &hich means$ says the O() editor Ang"s Steenson$ that &e no longer hae time to reach for

the hy#hen %ey!

Hae yo" eer heard anything 2"ite so daft4 No time to ma%e one tiny %ey-stro%e 5sorry3 %ey stro%e6!

Has it really come to this4 Are o"r lies really so #ress"red$ eery min"te occ"#ied in so many ital tas%s$ eery

second acco"nted for$ that &e cannot afford the millisecond 5no hy#hen6 it ta%es to ta# that %ey4

O+io"sly not! No$ theres another reason - and its far more sinister and dee#ly tro"+ling!

It is the relentless on&ard march of the te'ters$ the SMS 5Short Message Serice6 andals &ho are doing to o"r

lang"age &hat 7enghis 8han did to his neigh+o"rs eight h"ndred years ago!

*hey are destroying it3 #illaging o"r #"nct"ation9 saaging o"r sentences9 ra#ing o"r oca+"lary! And they m"st

+e sto##ed!

*his$ I grant yo"$ is a tall order! *he te'ters hae many more arro&s in their 2"ier than &e &ho defend the old

&ay!

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Ridic"le is one of them! :;hat< Yo" dont te't4 ;hat cent"ry are yo" liing in then$ granddad4 Need me to

shar#en yo"r 2"ill #en for yo"4:

Yo" %no& the sort of thing9 those of "s &ho hae s"ried for years &itho"t a mo+ile #hone hae to #"t "# &ith

it all the time! My old friend Amanda Platell$ &ho graces these #ages on Sat"rdays$ has an ans&er#hone

message that says the caller may leae a message +"t shedprefera te't! One feels so inade2"ate!

5Or sho"ld that hae +een ansafone?Of co"rse it sho"ld! *here are fe&er letters in that hideo"s &ord and thin%

ho& m"ch time I co"ld hae saed ty#ing it!6

*he te'ters also hae economy on their side! It costs almost nothing to send a te't message com#ared &ith a

oice message! *hats #erfectly tr"e! I m"st also concede that some oice messages can +e #rofo"ndly irritating!

My o&n o"tgoing message as%s callers to +e ery +rief - ideally ."st name and n"m+er - +"t that doesnt sto#

some callers +"r+ling on for ten min"tes and al&ays$ al&ays ending +y saying3 :Ooh - sorry I &ent on so long

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If &e see an Americanism &e li%e$ &e snaffle it - and so &e sho"ld! B"t te'ting and nets#ea% are effectiely

different lang"ages!

*he danger - for yo"ng #eo#le es#ecially - is that they &ill come to dominate! O"r &ritten lang"age may end "#

as a series of ridic"lo"s emoticons and eerchanging a++reiations!

It is too late to sae the hand-&ritten letter! (-mailing has seen to that and I m"st confess that I &o"ld find it

diffic"lt to lie &itho"t it! *hat does not mean I li%e it!

I resent the fact that I s#end so m"ch of my &or%ing day 5and$ een more regretta+ly$ &ee%ends6 chec%ing for e-mails - most of &hich are ."n%!

I am also cross &ith myself for the &ay I hae ada#ted my o&n style! In the early days I treated e-mails as

tho"gh they &ere letters! I tried to constr"ct #ro#er$ grammatical sentences and "sed #"nct"ation that &o"ld

hae +ro"ght a smile to the li#s of that g"ardian of o"r lang"age$ ,ynne *r"ss!

No& I find myself sli##ing into slo##y ha+its$ a+andoning ca#ital letters and "sing ro&s of dots!

B"t at least I hae not s"cc"m+ed to te't-s#ea% and I &ish the O() had not hoisted the &hite flag either! I

recall a #iece of doggerel &hich s"ms "# my fears nicely3Mary had a mobile.

She texted day and night. But when it came to her exams She'd forgotten how to write.

To the editor of the OE ! will simply say" #or many years you'$e been %&. on't spoil it now. T(s.