8/8/2019 In the Name of Danielle

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Dear Millionaire Danielle,

Sorry I am late. I was supposed to be here at 5:00 and its 5:21. I thinkI just wanted to rebel a little and feel I had some control over this situationby

hitting snooze. I knew it would make absolutely no difference... but I didn't want"Last-Night-Danielle" bossing me around and making me get up EXACTLY at 5:00 ifIcould exert my power for 21 minutes. Which costs me half an hours pay and robs meof building the self confidence I need to trust that I can and will do what I say Iwill do. Dang it.

So why does it FEEL so good to hit snooze at the time? It feels like a rescue.

Like Christmas morning in reverse. Twenty more minutes I have between me and someimagined, horrible, anti-Christmas morning where  my family is waiting downstairs bya dead undecorated tree, angrily expecting presents and waiting to give me wrapped boxeswith flaming dog shit and insulting letters. As if 20 minutes will improve thatsituation

in anyway. The truth is that I would have gotten up and faced the music if I really didhave it that bad. I would have recognized the danger in procrastinating something that terrible.

So I ask myself again, why does it feel like there is an angry army standingaround

my bed waiting for me to get up? What, exactly, do I think they are going to doto me?The worst thing they could do is kill me and then at least I could go back to sleep. Isuppose they COULD strap themselves to my back and somehow force me to run a th

ousandmiles barefoot in the snow... But 1. Its not even snowing and 2. There is no army standingaround my bed forcing me to run... at least not anymore. This feeling will stillbe there at

5:21 and also at 11:00AM. There is no where to run and hide. The alarms can be cut off butthe one in my head can not. What am I hiding from? There is no one standing around my bed today.No one would care whether I got up or slept until 7:00AM when people actually w

ill be waitingfor me.

The only person waiting for me when that 5:00 AM alarm goes off is me. Waiting patientlywith an an ounce of hope that maybe I won't deviate from the plan I worked so hard on. Just me,hoping that I will have the courage to feel that horrible 5:00 AM feeling... an

d get up anyway.Me, hoping I can trust the plan even though the road is terribly and temporaril

y blurry. Me,

8/8/2019 In the Name of Danielle

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expecting myself to take a leap-of-faith out of bed.. Recognizing that I am notin the state

of mind at 5:00AM to deviate from the plan. Me and my sympathy for myself as I feel the burn ofwakefulness. Reminding myself that the life-time of family and gifts is less distant that I think.Gently asking my 5:00AM self to sacrifice this morning, for one hour, in the na

me of Danielle,to give her a chance to be born.

So tomorrow when my alarm goes off, there I will be. A mother to the newborn me, Millionaire Danielle. Hearing the cry from the future that I get up andtend to her. I  can always go back to bed afterward, when I need to. Because I will have already done with the most important thing that I could do that day. Iwill have taken another active step towards my dreams, whatever the are, in thebest way I know how. I will go through my day knowing when and how I will be able to quit my day job instead of just dreaming about it. Just doing it. For no one else but me. The dreams are mine. I am the One waiting.

Love,

6:33AM Danielle