incubation 2011 11 lse module 4 interpersonal relationship empathy

LIFE SKILLS EDUCATIONMODULE FOUR – INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP AND EMPATHY

Interpersonal Relationships (IPR) are the heart and soul of human experiences, necessary not just for procreation but also for the survival of man who is a social animal. Healthy interpersonal relationships that are cooperative, interdependent and mutually supportive are a source of security and enjoyment for every individual. However, IPR that are coercive, abusive and non-supportive can be a major

cause of stress.

Total Time: 1 hour 10 minutes

Learning Objective: To enable adolescents to analyse their IPR and encouraging them to explore how significant relationships in their lives can be strengthened and maintained.

Activity 1: Trust game

Time: 15 minutes

Learning Objective

To highlight the importance of trust in a relationship

Explore the influence of trust on ways people react and communicate with one another

Materials Needed: Nothing

Techniques used: Game, discussion

Life skills learned: Empathy, Self awareness, Creative thinking, Critical thinking, Effective Communication

Process:

1. Greet the children and introduce the topic IPR.

2. Divide the class into groups of eight participants and ask them to form closed circles.

3. Now request one person in each group to volunteer to stand in the middle of the circle with their eyes closed.

4. Tell the volunteers to relax their bodies and fall back towards any member in their circle. Tell the circle members that they are expected to gently catch the volunteers with their hands and keep passing this volunteer to other people in their circle.

5. Add that circle members should support the volunteers and not let them fall.

6. Conclude with a brief discussion on the significance of trust in friendship.

7. Thanks the participants for their effort and contribution.

Activity 2: Fragrance of relationship

Time: 25 minutes

Learning Objective

To encourage participants to categorize relationships in order of importance; and

To understand the factors involved in maintaining and strengthening them.

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Materials Needed: Copies of relationship circle diagram (Annexure 1), black board/white board, markers

Techniques used: Individual exercise, discussion

Life skills learned: Empathy, Self awareness, Critical thinking, Effective Communication

Process:

1. Distribute a copy of the relationship circle diagram (Annexure 1) to each participant.

2. State that this is an individual exercise, all responses will be confidential and there is not any right or wrong answers.

3. Explain that there are three circles in the diagram and each represents degrees of closeness in relationships – relationship could be with parents, teachers, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, uncles, Aunty, siblings or anybody.

4. Tell participants to write names of people they share ‘very close’ relationships within the innermost circle.

5. Tell participants to write names of people they share ‘close’ relationships in the middle circle.

6. Tell participants to write names of people they share ‘not so close’ relationships within the outermost circle.

7. Taking examples from participants’ experiences initiate a discussion using the guide provided alongside.

8. Observe whether they use life skills like self -awareness and critical thinking.

9. Encourage participants to use these skills in their daily life in order to internalize life skills.

Notes to the Facilitator:

Tell the group that relationships vary in intensity and importance. Some qualities (like honesty and loyalty) allow us to grow, while others (like anger, jealousy) impact us negatively. Open communication with people in all the circles is important for personal growth. IPR are skills that are learnt and practiced.

10. Facilitate the discussion on following points:

How do they feel after doing this activity?

How do they feel about people put in ‘very close’ circle and ‘not so close’ circle?

What do they think about the importance of communication skills in relationships?

Activity 3: The Five Gifts

Time: 30 minutes

Learning Objective

To help participants understand the significance of empathy and communication in the strengthening of interpersonal relationships.

Materials Needed: Blackboard/white board, marker, 5 gifts written VIPP cards, blank VIPP cards for feedbacks, printed copies of demonstrations (Annexure 2), examples of five gift communication (Annexure 3)

Techniques used: Role play, discussion

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Life skills learned: Empathy, Effective Communication, self - awareness, creative thinking, coping with stress and emotions

Process:

1. Select 2 volunteers each for two demonstrations with different communication styles- annexure 2- and instruct remaining participants to observe.

2. Initiate brief discussions after both demonstrations are completed.

Some helpful check questions with expected responses in italics:

Seven differences between demonstrations 1 and 2 that could be either verbal or non verbal

(In the 2nd demonstration, the sister was more sensitive/ her body language was appropriate/shoe showed concern / she also give him support by offering to be with him when he spoke to their parents / she showed empathy by sharing a similar experience / she let him express all that was on his mind/ she had the patience to let him finish/ she understand that the issue being discussed was important to her brother and she treated it seriously)

If given the option to choose between the response in the first or second demonstrations, which would you choose and why?

(The second demonstration, as characters were understanding / sensitive / active listeners / non judgmental)

3. During the discussions focus on the differences in verbal and non verbal communication styles in the two demonstrations.

4. Give information on the 5- gifts of communication- empathy, active listening, genuineness and congruence, sensitivity and reassurance.

5. Then randomly select 2 volunteers and give them a chit with one of the following situation statements.

o I have failed in my half yearly examination.

o I am upset- I feel like crying.

o I have won a medal for my accomplishment – I feel on top of the world.

o I aAm angry and annoyed with my siblings- I feel like punching them.

6. Ask them to demonstrate situations using the 5 communication gifts.

7. Initiate a discussion, use examples from participants’ experiences and the note provided below- us examples of healthy and unhealthy communication styles.

8. Observe whether they use life skills as mentioned above as they analyze their communication styles in relationship.

9. Encourage participants to use these skills in their daily life on order to internalize life skills.

Notes to the Facilitator:

5 Gifts of Communication

1. Empathy: To ‘be in the shoes’ of another, perceiving the world as they perceive it.

2. Active listening: Allowing another to talk uninterruptedly, responding without giving

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advice and being dismissive.

3. Genuineness/congruence: Being honest about our reactions.

4. Sensitivity: Accepting another’s feelings and not being brutally honest.

5. Reassurance: Being understanding and emotionally supportive.

Key Messages:

1. Relations have an important role in one’s life. Therefore they need to be tackled carefully

2. By using 5 gifts of communication, one can always have strong interpersonal relationships with everyone whether they are ‘close’ or ‘not so close’

Ideas for Learning More:

Distribute Friendship scale – What sort of friend would you like to make? (Annexure 4) for individual work.

*Taken from ‘Adolescent Mental Health Promotion- Trainers Guide on Strengthening Interpersonal relationships’, a WHO publication.

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**Taken from Demystifying Adolescence by Bujho, Jaano, Samjho. A Modicare Foundation Publication.

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ANNEXURES FOR MODULE 4: IPR

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ANNEXURE 1: RELATIONSHIP CIRCLE DIAGRAM

*Taken from Demystifying Adolescence by Bujho, Jaano, Samjho, p. 33. A Modicare Foundation Publication.

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ANNEXURE 2: DEMONSTRATION FOR ‘THE 5 GIFTS’

First Demonstration:

Brother: I have failed in my assignment and I am feeling guilty.

Me: Expected yaar – very good, I am going to tell Mom about this.

Brother: Excuse me! Are you even listening to me?? I am feeling miserable. I...

Me: (Interrupts abruptly) So?? Whose fault is it? Did I tell you to watch football instead of completing your assignment?

Brother: You don’t have to remind me. I am already feeling bad and low.

Me: Sorry, but that is your problem!! Anyway what’s the point in feeling bad now? You deserve it!

Brother: I shouldn’t have told you any of this in the first place...

(Leaves)

Second Demonstration:

Brother: I have failed in my assignment and I am feeling guilty.

Me: Oh no! Come Ashish – sit beside me and tell me what happened?

Brother: I have failed miserably yaar, and I am feeling very guilty.

Me: (Holds him by the shoulders) I understand what you are going through. I too felt miserable when I did badly in my exams.

Brother: I’m very scared. How will I tell mom and dad about this!

Me: Don’t worry. I’ll be there when you are sharing this with mom and dad.


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ANNEXURE 3: EXAMPLES OF FIVE GIFTS

When explaining the five communication gifts to participants, the facilitator can use the following examples to illustrate how the five gifts are actually used in conversation.

The Gift Verbal Examples Non Verbal Examples

Empathy

I understand...

I realize...

I feel what you are going through...

Body contact like arm around the shoulder, holding hands and hugging

Eye contact

Leaning forward

Validating a person

Active Listening I am trying to understand...

Is this what you are trying to say...

I see what you mean by...

I think you are feeling/thinking...

What I am hearing you say is...

Yes, go on, I am listening...

Hmm, I see what you mean...

Being attentive and patient

Asking questions and clarifications

Eye contact and nodding

Paraphrasing and reflecting concerns and emotions

Encouraging person to respond by smiling, asking, gentle probing questions

Genuineness/Congruence I understand what you are going through... (with appropriate physical reactions)

I am so happy/sad for you... (with appropriate physical reactions)

Expressing how we truly feel – being honest

Maintaining facial expressions and body language that reflect inner emotions and thoughts

Personal sharing

Sensitivity I understand...

How are you feeling...?

I am here for you...

Let me know if there is something I can do...

Acknowledging feelings

Being non-judgmental

Maintaining body contact that is gentle and comforting

Reassurance Try and not worry...

How can I help?

Things will be ok...

You are not alone...

Appropriate body contact, like arms around the shoulder, hand on the knee or arm, a hug or smile


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ANNEXURE 4: FRIENDSHIP SCALE – WHAT SORT OF FRIEND WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE?

Please write ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ for the following questions. There are no wrong answers, so it would be great to respond as honestly as possible.

________ Do you feel that you do not deserve to have a friend?

________ Are you very demanding?

________ Are you ever disloyal?

________ Are you critical of other people?

________ Do you always wait for someone else to make the first friendly move?

________ Do you listen when people talk to you?

________ In an argument do you try and see things from the other person’s point of view as well

as your own?

________ Do you offer to help when people need it even if they do not ask?

________ Do you volunteer to take part in class or school activities rather than wait to be asked?

________ Do you even bother to talk to other people who seem shy or short of friends?

Scoring your responses:

Give yourself one point for each “No” answer from questions 1 to 5, and one point for each “Yes” answer from questions 6 to 11. The higher your friendship score, the easier it probably is for you to make friends.


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ANNEXURE 5: SOME FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ON INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

1. How do we fit in the school environment?

You can fit in well by interacting with classmates around you using good communication skills. Even if you feel you have never quite fitted in at school, you may discover that you have qualities that develop as you and your contemporaries grow more mature. Some adolescents often find that they can make an impact on people through being witty or funny, or by having an unusual talent or skill, even by being eccentric. Everybody has his or her own way – you just have to find yours!

2. How can I make friends?

If you want friends but seem unable to make them, you have to start by assuming that somehow what you do or how you behave comes in the way of other people wanting you as a friend. There is not much you can do to change other people. However, you can try to change yourself, if you want to, and this can make other people behave quite differently towards you. Try looking at yourself from other people’s point of view – start practicing empathy.

3. My caregivers never understand me. I want them to love me most. How do I do this?

Caregivers worry about you. If you feel oppressed by their behaviour, try to work out what your caregivers are really frightened about and take it up with them. If you can reassure them that their fears are groundless, maybe they will relax and treat you the way you want to be treated. Remember caregivers feel responsible for you. Therefore, if you think that they are not being reasonable, then talk it out with them and convince them you can take up responsibilities.

4. My siblings often boss over me or annoy me. How can I handle this?

If you have this kind of trouble, do not expect your caregivers to support you. They will not want to take sides. Even if they do help to calm things down for a while, in the end you and your sibling will have to sort out things yourselves. You both will have to make an effort to avoid fight by being polite, by keeping your distance, and by agreeing on a few things.

5. I do not like it when my friends bully me. How do I stop this?

It might help when you tell your friends how you feel when they bully you. By expressing your own feelings they might understand and could maintain your relation with them better without being bullied. Friends are those who help you handle tough situations and always care for you. If it is your friends who are bullying you, then it means that you just need to find better friends. You must be careful while selecting your friends.

6. What do we do when we are forced to do something against our rights?

It is important to speak out for your rights. You must develop bravery and express your needs in a better way, and be firm to get what you want.


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incubation 2011 11 lse module 4 interpersonal relationship empathy

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