Chapter 11Luzerne County Community CollegeMary K. Orzolek

INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT – MANAGEMENT AND RESOLUTION

DEFINITION OF CONFLICT• A perceived divergence of interest

• A belief that the parties’ current goals cannot be achieved simultaneously

• Essentially, a clash of goals

• “I can’t get what I want if you get what you want.”

• 1. Perceived differences (goals)

• 2. Poor communication for one or both parties

SOURCES OF CONFLICT

• 1. To accept human differences as inevitable (they will always happen and cannot be avoided)

• 2. To help you lose your fear of conflict

• 3. To teach you methods to help you get what you want and to protect yourself

• 4. To present alternatives to flight or fight behaviors

• 5. To learn to problem solve instead od desiring revenge

GOALS FOR TODAY

• (Have many different names; the titles listed on the slides will be the names used for test purposes).

• Forcing

• This style occurs most often in business

• Although it can occur in personal relationships such as marriages.

• Forcing involves using authority or power to obtain a resolution without regard to the other parties' needs and wants.

• While this style can provide a quick resolution to conflict, it rarely satisfies other involved parties.

CONFLICT STYLES

• Accommodating

• Accommodating takes the opposite approach of forcing.

• When using this style, you satisfy the needs of the other parties without satisfying your own.

• Like forcing, accommodating can quickly end a conflict.

• However, it can also involve giving in to unreasonable demands, which is rarely conducive to long-term interpersonal harmony.

CONFLICT STYLES

• Avoiding

• The avoidance style of approaching interpersonal conflict involves withdrawing yourself from the disagreement according.

• This approach does nothing to resolve the conflict.

• As a result, the conflict often continues to build.

• “Just because something isn’t talked about doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t exist.”

CONFLICT STYLES

• Competing

• Like forcing, the competing style involves participants who refuse to acknowledge the needs and wants of the other involved parties.

• These parties typically lack the authority to force a resolution, so the conflict continues to exist.

• In some cases, those who use the competing style take advantage of accommodating parties to get what they can from the conflict.

CONFLICT STYLES

• Compromising

• People who use the compromising style of handling interpersonal conflict attempt to find a solution that is partially satisfactory to all parties involved.

• The resolution typically does not fully satisfy any of the parties according.

• All involved parties must make concessions; however, this approach can help expedite resolution.

CONFLICT STYLES

• Collaborating

• Although the collaborating style is not as efficient as other styles of handling interpersonal conflict, it can produce a resolution that fully satisfies all parties.

• All participants are encouraged to act as a team and to find a solution together.

• This approach often produces a resolution that none of the parties previously considered.

CONFLICT STYLES

• Get into groups of 2-3 people.

• Be prepared to provide an example of each of the following types of conflict styles.• 1. Forcing • 2. Accommodating• 3. Avoiding• 4. Competing• 5. Collaborating• 6. Compromising

ACTIVITY

• In class we have already discussed the importance of “I” messages.

• Get into groups of 2-3 people (may be same people).

• Reword the following statements to be “I” statements.

• 1. “You are always busy and never make time for me.”

• 2. “You never help me take care of the baby.”

“I” MESSAGES

• 1. It produces change for the better (signals discontent)

• 2. It produces gains, innovations, and new ideas

• 3. It fosters unity and understanding

• 4. It brings about behavior changes

ADVANTAGES TO CONFLICT

• What do you think are some of the disadvantages of conflict (when not handled properly)?

DISADVANTAGES OF CONFLICT

• 1. It escalates arguments

• (We start thinking with your “emotional mind” instead of our “logical mind.”

• 2. It leads to hostility and fear

• 3. When it is suppressed it leads to resentment and disrespect

DISADVANTAGES OF CONFLICT

• 1. Yielding

• 2. Withdrawing

• 3. Inaction

• 4. Contending

• 5. Problem solving

CONFLICT RESOLUTION STRATEGIES (LIST)

• Yielding: Giving into the other person

• Occurs when: Issue isn’t more important, the other’s goals are more important to you than your own, the relationship is unstable (new or stressed), approval from others it important to you or you feel threatened.

• Advantages: Saves time and hassles, prevents escalation of conflict

• Disadvantages: Low joint benefits, you are rewarding intimidating behavior, you end up with regrets, you can feel cheated/manipulated, angry at self and others, resentment develops which hinders future cooperation,.

YIELDING – “YOU WIN.”

• Withdrawing: Abandonment of the conflict, physically or psychologically.

• Occurs when: There is high concern for self and low concern for others, you have a better alternative, people feel spiteful and angry or threatened.

• Advantages: Diminishes sense of frustration, forces us to find better alternatives, buys time for cooling off and reminds other party they have a stake in the relationship.

• Disadvantages: Conflict is not resolved, low joint benefits, high frustration level is possible, harms future cooperation.

WITHDRAWING – “I’M LEAVING.”

• Inaction: Non-coping strategy that comes from procrastination or denial.

• Occurs when: Low concern for goals, issue seems unimportant, people fear conflict, people do not want to get negative attention.

• Advantages: If time can solve the problem, avoiding it can be the solution, avoiding defensiveness when the issue is sensitive, when confronting the conflict would escalate it.

• Disadvantages: Hostilities grow and fester beneath the surface, the problem compounds, no joint benefits, high social and economic costs, high stress.

INACTION – “THERE IS NOTHING WRONG.”

• Contending: Arguing for your way, believing only one person can win and it should be you, comes from a scarcity mentality.

• Occurs when: High concern for self, low concern for others, fear of losing, believe joint gains are impossible, one has the ability to contend such as having position, power, resources, and better alternative, you know the other person will give in.

• Advantages: Winning allows you to feel successful and you get what you want, you appear powerful.

• Disadvantages: You may feel guilty, people don’t like you, you may get your way and you may have the wrong plan.

CONTENDING – “IF I WIN YOU MUST LOSE.”

• The process of working through details of a problem to reach a solution.

• Problem solving may include mathematical or systematic operations and can be a gauge of an individual's critical thinking skills.

PROBLEM SOLVING – FIXING THE PROBLEM

• “personality effects are influential and highly important in cooperation–conflict behavior”

• Extroverts are energized by the outside world, whereas introverts much prefer to go into themselves to be energized.

• Extroverts will find out what they think and what they believe by talking, discussing and arguing with others.

• Extroverts talk first and this helps them to think.

• Extroverts are more likely to strive for collaborative or integrative style of handling conflict than introverts

PERSONALITY AND CONFLICT (EXTROVERTS)

• Introverts, think and review things quietly on their own.

• Introverts think first and this helps them to talk.

• Conflict might occur when; • a) an extrovert cannot understand why an introvert will not talk to him/her about a

conflict problem and • b) an introvert cannot understand why an extrovert won’t think through the situation

first before talking and arguing.

PERSONALITY AND CONFLICT (INTROVERTS)

• Thinkers like to base conclusions on facts using logic and analysis, and like to achieve objective truth as far as possible.

• Thinkers find it easy to separate themselves from a situation and be dispassionate in their approach.

• In conflict situations thinkers will seek the most logical solution,

• Thinkers try to persuade by logic and feel frustrated when feelers are influenced by emotions,

• The thinkers handle conflict through dominating and integrating styles.

THINKERS VS. FEELERS

• Feelers are comfortable about making decisions according to their personal values, and usually strive for harmony and well-being.

• Feelers place importance on emotions and empathy for the individuals involved in the situation.

• Feelers strive for the most harmonious outcome. What is logical and what is harmonious are not usually the same.

• The feelers handle conflict through compromising and obliging styles,

THINKERS VS. FEELERS

• Coercive, and Non-coercive (Reward, Expert, Legitimate, and Referent).

• 1. Coercive power uses the threat of force to gain compliance from another (non-coercive means the “power” is not forced).

• 2. Reward power is based on the right of some to offer tangible, social, emotional, or spiritual rewards to others for doing what is wanted or expected of them.

• 3. Legitimate power comes from an elected, selected, or appointed position of authority and may be underpinned by social norms.

• 4. Referent power comes from being trusted and respected.

• 5. Expert power comes from one’s experiences, skills or knowledge.

FRENCH AND RAVEN’S (1959) BASES OF POWER

• Get into groups (2-3) members.

• Be prepared to share examples of the following kinds of power:

• 1. Expert

• 2. Referent

• 3. Legitimate

• 4. Reward

• 5. Coercive/Non-Coercive

ACTIVITY

• Women like to talk about problems, Men prefer just to offer solutions.

• Women listen to the emotional content and sometimes miss facts, Men hear facts and sometimes miss the emotional content.

• Women like to take time over a decision, Men like to decide quickly.

• Women like to show their feelings, Men like to hide their emotions.

• Women like to multi-task, Men like to do things one at a time.

• Women are more interested in people than things, Men are more interested in things than people.

GENDER AND CONFLICT

YOUR CONFLICT STYLES