Issue No: 132 -December 2016

lhelarmborough IIYIJI vour communitv newspaper reflecting news, views and events

S~ l' Greet'~t'& ~ ou,- Reade-rl'

Remembrance! THE Union Flag was at half mast and the bells of All Saints' Church half muffled for the Remembrance Sunday Service - a time for young and old of the village to pay tribute to those who gave their lives in two World Wars and other conflicts.

During the service a period of silence was kept and wreaths laid in memory of the 13 men of this Parish who died in two World Wars.

Farmborough Lights -festive fun and fayre Farmborough Community Shop EVERYONE is invited to the official illumination of Farmborough's Christmas tree lights on Saturday December 10, a family-fr iendly event and the perfect opportunity for both new and existing residents to meet with friends and neighbours , while raising funds for Farmborough Community Shop.

Meet inside All Saints' Church at 6.00pm. The official tree lighting ceremony will start at 6.15pm with a procession to the tree on The Batch, followed by a dedicat ion, illumination, and carols led by the Rev. Preb. Jan Knott.

Then it's back to the warmth of the church for some festive nibbles and cakes, hot drinks, mulled wine and cider , the return of the Farmborough Mummers' Play, storytelling , and other entertainment.

We hope you can join us for some festive fun and Christmas cheer!

Our thanks to Mr and Mrs P for sponsoring this edition of the Flyer. Copy deadline for the next issue is Tuesday January 17 for publication on Wednesday January 25. The Flyer will not be published in December

Pupils pay their respect ON Friday November 11, Armistice Day, Preb. Jan led a Service of Remembrance at Farmborough Church School when moving tributes were read commemorating the special occasion

Poppy wreaths that had been made by all classes at the school were brought to the front of the assembled pupils and Aidan played 'The Last Post' and 'Reveille' on the cornet.

During the service a minute's silence was observed to remember those who lost their lives fighting for our country.

STOLEN ON NOVEMBER 2 2016 Blue Roan Cocker Spaniel

. Answers to the name of Louie

Reward for any information leading to his return

Call: 0754 0958 097 or 0788 5286 836

Saved for the village! FARMBOROUGH'S red phone box. Watch this space for future developments.

SOMETHING FOR THE FLYER? Contact Patrick on 01761471074 or 0797 5655 989 or send a text or email: farmborou ghfl yer@smail .com

Saturdays @ St. Mary's TIMSBURY SURGERY will open from 8.30am to 10.30am on the following Saturdays: December 3rd/17'h and January 7'h/21st_

COMMUNITY LUNCH in the MEMORIAL HALL

on THURSDAY DECEMBER 1 12. 30 for 12.45 pm. Cost just £4.00.

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Goodwill Club update Pat Tiley HAVING enjoyed several day trips throughout the year, our final outing this year is to Bridgend on November 29 for Christmas shopping. The coach is now fully booked.

On December 8 we will have our Christmas Carol afternoon. The service will be taken by Preb Jan Knott and followed by mince pies and stollen cake.

On December 15, as a thank you for their loyal support, all the club members will be treated to a three course Christmas dinner followed by entertainment by "Now and Then".

We are always looking for and welcoming new members. Please come and join our very friendly club. For more details please ring Pat on 01761 470491.

The next Saturday a~emoon BlNGO SESSION

a "Christmas Special" is on November 26 at 2.30 pm

in the Memorial Hall Entrance fee£ 1 (under 14's free)

Bake Off raises £190! Anita Eatherden A very big thank you to all the people who took part in 'Ted's Big Bake Off 2016' at the Farmborough Craft Fayre. Thanks to all the people who made cakes; to the Guides who manned the stall and to all the customers who bought the cakes. A grand total of £190 was raised for the Respiratory Unit at the RUH. Brilliant!!

Farmborough Women's CAMEO - November 2016 Jutta Steffens-Carter IN October, 9 of us rnet at The Hunters Rest for our monthly lunch and enjoyed a very sociable time along with the excellent food.

Our social (dog) walk on 29 October in Farmborough was very much enjoyed by the 4 ladies and 4 dogs that took part. The glorious autumn colours more than made up for the slightly damp conditions. We are already looking forward to the next walk.

Philippa Forsey is a British Wheel of Yoga qualified and experienced Yoga teacher. She has been teaching Yoga here in Farmborough for 12 years, presented "Yoga for Health and Wellbeing" at our November meeting. She delivered an interesting talk on Yoga and how it can help with posture, suppleness, breathing as well as with emotions and a greater sense of wellbeing. We also took part in some sitting (and, for the ones that felt up to it, standing) exercises. These showed powerfully how Yoga can help to reduce tension and help to become more supple!

Dates for your Diaries Friday November 25: Monthly Lunch, Chew Kitchens, Chew Stoke. 12.30pm. Please contact Anita asap if you were unable to sign the book.

Farmborough Talents and Trading Group are doing a coffee morning on November 26 from 10.30am at Cheri's (Barrow Vale Farm). This is in aid of the Air Ambulance and they are selling their handmade gifts in aid of this charity.

Upcoming CAMEO meetings Tuesday December 6: 7.30pm at Farmborough Memorial Hall. Christmas Dinner and Party. January: Coffee Morning.

Found in Tilley Lane FOUND mid-October in Tilley Lane, a ladies ring. If this is yours please contact Peter Wright on 01761 471759.

Sarah Jones - Thanks to friends and family Anita Eatherden THANKS to the generosity of our wonderful friends and family in Farmborough and beyond we were able to send a cheque for £1,150 to the Respiratory Unit at the RUH in memory of my special daughter Sarah Jones.

Words cannot convey the enormous gratitude I feel for the love and kindness shown to us. Thank you.

Parking at and around the school Julie Warrington FOLLOWING the article on school parking in the November issue of the Flyer, I would like to comment on the situation.

As a resident of Conygre Rise I would like to ask parents to avoid parking at the bottom of our road on The Street as we have experienced problems with our rubbish collections as the dust cart cannot negotiate the junction and get to our houses.

We are also aware of problems that could arise if emergency services such as a fire engine need to access us. This is a very narrow part of The Street and I know I speak for other residents in the road in asking parents to please observe the Highway Code and keep the junction clear. Thank you.

Get quizzical for hall quiz! Nicky Stone THE Memorial Hall is holding its annual quiz on Saturday January 28 2017 and we're looking for teams of about 6-8 people to take part. Tickets are'£8 .50 each, in advance and £10 on the night and includes a two course meal. Doors open at 7pm for a 7.30 start and there'll be a licensed bar and raffle.

If you've recently moved into the village this is a great way to get to know people and all proceeds go towards upkeep and improvement of the hall. For more details and tickets please phone Nicky Stone on 01761 470158.

Parish Council News -November 2016 Trudi Gilbank , Parish Council Clerk clerk@farmborouqhparishcouncil.orq.uk THE Farmborough Parish Council met on Tuesday November 8 2016 and considered two planning applications: Demolition of existing Use Class 98 building and erection of 9 new dwellings with associated gardens , car parking and highway and 2 new garages at Boystown Ltd, Bath Road, Farmborough. The Council voted to support in principle the application with comments and conditions.

Approval of reserved matters with regard to outline application 16/01614/OUT for the re-development of the site to provide 4 No terraced houses at Unoccupied Bath Road Garage, Bath Road, Farmborough. The Council voted to object in principle to the application , with comments and conditions.

The Parish Council was also advised of the following planning result: 4 Bridge Gardens, Farmborough - erection of a single storey side extension has been permitted.

Two planning applications have been referred to the Development Management Committee Meeting on November 9 2016, Holly Farm, The Green, Farmborough -internal and external alterations to include erection of 2 no new dwell ings to the rear of the plot and conversion of existing barn to 2 no dwellings with associated works and the erection of a community shop at Farmborough Memorial Hall.

Firm offers to help manage and maintain the red telephone box at The Green have now been received and the Parish Council voted to adopt the phOne box for the village.

The Parish Council discussed the current need to upgrade and improve both the electrical and the heating systems at The Memorial Hall

There is still a vacancy on the Parish Council, anyone interested in jo ining please contact the Parish Clerk.

The next meeting of the Parish Council will be held on Tuesday December 13 2016 at 7.30pm in the Memorial Hall.

Local Flood Representative Trudi Gilbank, Parish Clerk. THE Parish Council was recently asked by BANES Drainage and Flooding Team to nominate a Local Flood Representative for Farmborough, following recent flooding incidents in the village. I am going to take on this role alongside my Parish Clerk duties so I thought it may be of interest if I explain a little about the role.

Basically the Local Flood Representative is someone nominated by the Parish Council to liase with the Council's Drainage and Flooding Team. They will provide a communication link between residents in the Parish and the Council on issues of land drainage , surface water flooding , groundwater flooding and watercourse flooding.

I should emphasise here that the role is not a flood emergency role. It is very much about being able to gather information regarding flooding and drainage issues, and pass this on to the Council's Drainage and Flooding Team.

The sorts of things I would collect information on are: • Maintenance issues with water­

courses such as overgrown vegetation impeding flows, silt build-up or other restrictions to flow including rubbish or debris.

• Maintenance issues with watercourse structures (e.g. blocked culverts).

• Land drainage issues - for instance where rainwater runoff from land may be spilling onto roads or property.

• Local drainage knowledge to help inform development proposals.

Issues like these should be reported to me as and when they occur. The more information provided the better and photos are very useful. I then pass the information onto the BANES team who will look into the issues at their Operational Flood Working Group Meetings.

The following are the sort of problems that should not be reported to me, but I have given some contact details as to where these problems should be referred: • Imminent or current property flooding -

contact the Environment Agency Floodline on 0345 988 1188 or the emergency services.

• Highway drainage and flooding issues

(blocked gullies, potholes, water ponding on highways etc) - contact Council Connect service email: councilconnect@bathnes.gov .uk or call 01225 394041. Burst water main or sewer - Bristol Water 0800 801 011 for mains supply or Wessex Water 0345 600 4600 for sewers.

There are 26 Local Flood Representatives currently set up in local parishes and this is enabling the Council to be better informed about long standing drainage issues, to be more aware of flooding hot spots and to plan their work more effectively and deliver improvements where possible .

My contact details are: clerk@farmboroughparishcouncil .org. uk or 01761 472390, please contact me if you have any thoughts or queries about flooding or drainage issues in the village .

Still time to order your Christmas wreath! THERE'S still time to order your Christmas wreath but hurry, time is running out! December 14 is the cut off date for orders.

Wreaths cost £6 each and may be collected or delivered to a specific address providing it is not too far away. Production will be from the beginning of December until December 21. All proceeds will go to church funds.

To place your order please contact Sally Davis on 01761 472356 or drop your order in at 1, Church Lane, Farmborough. Please state whether your wreath is to be hung on a door or placed on a grave.

Coffee morning to keep air ambulance flying Cheri Langley A COFFEE MORNING is being held at Barrow Vale Farm, Hobbs Wall on Saturday November 26 from 10.30am.

There will be plenty of homemade Christmas gifts and crafts for sale and it's all in aid of The Great Western Air Ambulance.

Please come along and show your support for this very worthwhile charity.

Farmborough Bonfire and Fireworks Night another great success! Farmborough Sports and Social HUNDREDS turned out on Friday November 4 to witness another fantastic firework display put on by FireMagic UK. Thanks to favourable wind we were able to build a bonfire in the usual place and maintain the spirit of Guy Fawkes Night.

Farmborough 's Bonfire and Firework Night Picture : Sam Ross

The bar and food stall were kept very busy all evening with the welcome addition of a doughnut stall. Thanks to generous donations and very favourable weather we were able to cover all our costs and raise almost £600 for the Recreation ground to help improve our village facilities.

Thank you to all those who help build the bonfire, run the bar and shake collec tion buckets to make the evening memorable for everyone and ensure we can do it all again next year!

Section 137 Council Grants Trudi Gi/bank, Parish Clerk IT'S nearing the time when village organisations can apply to the Parish Council for grant funding . Applications must be submitted by December 31 2016 on the appropriate form which is available on the Council's website or from the Parish Clerk.

Organisations that received a grant in 2016 are required to provide a report to the Annual Parish Meeting to be held in May next year as to how the money was used before any grant for 2017 can be considered. New applications are welcome. Contact the Parish Clerk at clerk@farmborouqhparishcouncil .orq.uk or call 01761 472390 for further information.

Absolutely EVERYBODY is welcome to join us in telling the

story of "Jesus' Christmas Party".

Saturday 1th December 10.30am Marksbury Village Hall

Lunch will follow Need more information? Call

Preb Jan 479311 or Jan Jones 750840

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! Ken Webb, Village Agent, WERN THE Carers Centre and Village Agents are jointly presenting a Christmas event at the Pensford Memorial Hall on Tuesday December 6 1.45pm to 4.30pm. There will be seasonal refreshments and stalls selling Christmas crafts, raffle prizes and live music provided by Jeff Wilkins' "Boots". Please come along and join in the fun. To book your place call 01761 431388. Anyone requiring transport to the event should call 01275 333700.

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Dec 23 Normal hours and live music wfth 'The Peppercorns' from 9pm

Christmas Eve - 12 noon to 12 midnight -no food available

Christmas Day - 11am to 3pm - no food available

Boxing Day - Closed 2'"/h 12 noon to 1 Opm 2ffh 12 noon to 2.30pm & 5pm to

11pm 29th 12 noon to 2.30pm & 5pm to

11pm 3d h 12 noon to 12 midnight New Year's Eve - 12 noon to 1 am - food

available at lunchtime only New Year 's Day - 12 noon to 3pm - food

available

Farmborough Church Christmas Bazaar

Saturday December 3 12noon to 3pm

at the Memorial Hall Buy your Christmas presents, trees, wreaths, enjoy the raffle

and the cake stall and see Santa in his grotto!!

Refreshments include soup lunches at 12noon and don't miss our wonderful tea and

cakes. Farmborough Church School Choir will be singing

carols at 1 pm If you would like to make a cake or

donate toys tor the toy stall please call Sue Brown on 01761471709

Gargantuan gourd goes on display A GARGANTUAN GOURD that squashed most of the competition at the Southampton Pumpkin Fest where it was placed third weighing in at a massive 1,027Ibs went on display at the Butchers Arms in time for Halloween. The giant fruit had been nurtured and tended by villager Steve Bridges pictured below carving a scary face on the beast. Congratulations Steve on your achievement.

Ifs good to talk or shut up and listen? Gerald Curtis IT'S a decision made by a few to be accepted by all. Is that really how it should work?

I know Farmborough has changed considerably over the last few years but the one calming influence in the madness is our Church.

The reasoning behind the plans to rip out the pews, pulpit etc from our beautiful church is beyond me. I'm tempted to say, "God knows why they are doing it". But I'm sure if He did He would stop it.

Our Church is a place of worship, a place of calm, peace and quiet all of which enhanced by the surroundings and atmosphere created by its interior. If I wanted to sit on a chair or whatever I would go to the village hall.

The people who are telling us what is going to happen underestimate public opinion. I well understand the argument that church attendances are falling and something needs to be done, but not anything like this.

I'm sure some people will say, "What's it got to do with him - he's not a churchgoer?" But no-one knows how many times I wander into the church, sit in one of the beautiful pews and contemplate.

So, come on you chosen few who feel that nobody has the chance to answer back. At the very least have a public meeting where people are allowed to speak and voice their opinion and objections to your proposals or do you feel there will be too many of them to prevent you from going ahead with your absurd plans?

FARMBOROUGH GOOD NEIGHBOURS

offer free lifts to villagers of all ages (child seat available)

to local surgeries and hospitals Contributions tor lifts welcome

Contact: Maureen Fletcher 472168 or Patience Barnes 470032

~fro-m,,the,,'R,ectory Advent is upon us and looking around the shops I see what an array of 'interesting' Advent Calendars there are. Some windows open to reveal beauty products so that one can look absolutely fabulous for Christmas. Others contain a selection of gin or whisky, no doubt to get one in the Christmas spirit! I could go on

The ones that I like tell the story that leads to the baby lying in the manger at Bethlehem. For that is what Advent is. It is the getting ready time. A time to ponder on what God has done in and through the birth of the Christ Child.

For some people , the story of Christmas is perceived as merely a tale, as suitable for children but not worthy of intelligent, mature consideration . To dismiss it like this is to miss the point. For the stories are full of meaning and such rich symbolism, both of which can and will take us far deeper into the heart of God.

There are great truths within the Christmas Story. In it we find ourselves encountering a God so vulnerable that we can , as it were , hold him in our arms. We see God needing our hospitality and our care ; God who needs to be comforted. We find in him the very essence of a love which embraces all people whoever they are, whatever they have done. To encounter such a God is life changing.

Be ready for Christmas. Have a go this Advent at reading the stories afresh and to sit and wonder on the meanings within. And then, then kneel beside the manger. Look at the Child and, as those shepherds before us, glorify and praise God for all we have heard and seen.

Happy Christmas With love and bless ing

JaNvKn.ott The stories of Christmas can be found in Matthew 1 from verse 18 and all of chapter 2 and in Luke 2 verses 1 - 20

Flag Days December 25 - Christmas until the Epiphany January 2017 1 - Naming of Christ 6 - Epiphany 9 - Duchess of Cambridge born 1982 20 - Countess of Wessex born 1965 25 - Conversion of Saint Paul

$en,ke& at ~ll $ainto ' fannborough

4th 11 am Friends & Family Gift Service for Women's Refuge 6 .30pm Alternative Communion

11 th 11 am Parish Communion 6 30pm Evensong (BCP

15th 9.30am School Service 17th 6.30pm Service of Nine Lessons

and Carols by Candlelight followed by mince pies and mulled wine Please note this is on Saturday December 17.

18th 8am Holy Communion (BCP) 24th Christmas Eve

4pm Noisy Stable - a service for all ages. And yes, you can wear your Christmas jumper!!! 11.30pm Midnight Mass for Christmas

25th Christmas Day 11am Friends & Family celebration followed by fizz and nibbles

Jan 1 st 11 am Benefice Service to celebrate the New Year

Tuesday Teas every Tuesday from 2.30pm; Choir Practice from 7 'til 8pm and Bell Ringing 8 to 9pm every Wednesday.

Please see the diary in the church porch; notice board or 'Trio' for full details of all services and activities within the Benefice.

The traditional service of

~ine Jlcooono Jn6 ~arol6 will be held at All Saints' Church

at 6.30pm on Saturday December 17

Hunt is on for stolen dog Louie LOUIE was taken from a garden kennel in Farmborough between 11am and 2.30pm on Wednesday November 2 2016.

He is pred ominately black in colour, 18 months old, of slim build and micro­chipped . There is a reward for any information leading to his safe return.

If you hear of a part-train ed male blue roan cocke r spaniel please call 0754 0958 097 or 0788 5286 836. It may be Louie.

Quiz jackpot won by local team WOW! The Butchers Arms quiz jackpot of £571 has been won . Not only did the members of the regular team "O'Eck" take the money but they bought everyone in the pub a drink . Well done guys!

A quiz is held every Sunday at the Butchers Arms start ing at 9pm. Each playing member pays £1 to enter. Why not give it a try and help build anoth er massive jack pot?

Consultation regarding conversion of school to academy has begun THE formal consultation regardi ng conversion of Farmborough School to an academy began on November 1 with all families being sent the officia l Academy Conversion Consul tat ion Document.

The School's Govern ing Body has chosen The Partnersh ip Trust, which is a multi­academy trust , from the local options availa ble and the consultation document expla ins why they consider it to be the best option for the schoo l.

The document also answers frequently asked questions about academies and provides some links where interested part ies can find out further information .

A consultation meeting for parents and the community took place at the schoo l on November 15.

Carol singers at Manor Farm - Christmas 1975. Left to right: Farmborough 's Rector, the Revd Rupert Hine, Judith Hine, Susan Horsema n, Joan Fyall , Ernest Heath and

Esther Hine. Picture taken by the late John Huckfebridge of Farmborough.

Community shop gets the green light from planners AT a meeting held on Wednesday November 16 members of the Bath and NE Somerset Developm ent Management Committee granted permission for a community shop to be build adjacent to the Memorial Hall.

Get Ready For Winter

Kindling for sale 1 X Large bag £5.00

2 X Large bags £9.00 3 x Large bags £12.00

All Kindling cl.If and split by hor,d

Conto.ct Ethan to place your order. 01761 568667

r con deliver on weekends.

Graham Dall - Obituary On behalf of Farmborough Parish Council and Farmborough Community Speed Watch (teamwork by Jean Rogers, Jutta, B Hands and David Judd) GRAHAM made a real difference in Farmborough. The vast majority of the work he did on behalf of the Parish Council to keep our village clean and tidy consisted of what he saw that needed doing and he always went the extra mile. Almost exactly a year ago Jean came across Graham in the recreation ground. He had cleared up the bulk of the remains of the bonfire and was now tackling the metal left from burning pallets. No hit and miss for Graham, he'd attached a magnet to a rod and was collecting all the metal pieces, nails and staples. The Parish Council was - and is - very proud of Graham. If he took on a task, you knew he would see it through, it was never necessary to check, he just got on with it.

In discussion with his wife Janis, the Parish Council hope to provide a bench or some similar practical memorial to Graham in the village.

He knew every nook and cranny of his parish better than anyone, and his devotion to our village went way beyond his employment. He was a member of the Memorial Hall committee, vice-chairman of Farmborough Good Neighbours and a very active member of Farmborough Community Speedwatch, if there was an event going on in the village you knew that Graham would be there, taking an active role. When the Memorial Hall arranged an event to celebrate 50 years in operat ion, Graham put up posters and delivered leaflets to the new houses - that was only nine months ago.

He was the driving force behind the Community Speedwatch [CSW] here in Farmborough. Due to his job for the Parish Council, he knew better than anyone what a huge problem the speeding in and around this village really was. He was the one having to sweep up after yet another accident!

Speaking with the CSW members, the words used to describe him are gentleman, friendly , cheerfu l, helpful, somebody with never a bad word about

anybody (unless they were speeding). If we had arranged to meet at a certain time for CSW, you knew he would be the first one there! If he said he was going to do something, he did it.

~ Graham on duty holding the speed

detection device

He was comfortable to be around and great company in the freezing cold weather on the side of a busy road. He had qualiti es that are hard to come by these days. One of the most endearing ones was his sense of humour. We had a lot of fun together.

Graham wasn't just a resident of the village , not just an employee of the Parish Council, not just a member of this or that committee, he was everybody's friend and confidante, he cared about the village and its people and in his own quiet, understated way, he was incredibly thoughtful - on more than one occasion following an illness of Jean's own, h~ looked out for her; his memory is woven into the fabric of our community and we miss him so much.

On top of all the above, Graham was also involved in the local voting process and took part in a Bath & NE Somerset training guide for Polling Staff. More recently, he was also involved in Marksbury as a Presiding Officer. It was an honour to have known him.

Graham was a very good athlete and ran the 1 00m for Scotland. He also played golf off of a handicap of 3 and had an abiding interest in wild animals having taken 29 overseas trips with Janis, including one to observe orang-utans.

His funeral took place on Monday November 14 and a packed crematorium chapel was testament to the high esteem in which Graham was held by all who knew him.

Homeless Boy, 17 by Fiona Crinks Friday. The start of the Christmas holidays . Anna catches the bus into town for a dash around the shops before the annual work lunch . A busker is singing Christmas carols, snatches of his music drift through the chilly air as she hurries past. She is planning surprises for her children who have both been away at university. She gathers up crackers , dates and Brazil nuts; little luxuries which are an essential part of Christmas for her , even if they end up being thrown away. Tiny lights sparkle around the windows of her favourite dress shop, brightening up the grey day .

Something else catches her eye. One of the homeless men, who haunt the town's doorways , has settled opposite . He is tucked in between the newsagent's and the posh shoe shop. Normally she would just walk by but there is something appealing about him. A massive piece of cardboard is perched next to him. The words written on it in clear, careful letters seer themselves into her heart.

"I am 17," they say, "I have been thrown out of care. My home is a car park now. It is shameful. Someone should do something. 0

She flinc hes, shocked. The boy has arranged himself tidily on the pavement , a water-proof coat pleated around his knees, plastic bags laid out all around him, hemming him in. He has dark wavy hair , like Anna's son, and bright eyes which flick up and down the street. He looks like someone who expects nothing . Anna feels as if she has been punched, she can hardly breathe.

Inside the shop, whilst admiring the velvet party dress that she doesn't need, she can't stop staring out at the boy, peeping around the fairy lights to get a better view. He's still sitting beside the raw words , head alert, hands neatly folded. Anna thinks of her chil dren's rarely used bedroo ms, crowded with abandoned clothes and forgotten games. Her family has more than enough of everything . The bags in her hands, full of Christmas fripperies , weigh heavy.

Someone is bending over the boy now. Anna feels like it should be her. The boy's hands are wrapp ed around a steaming

take-away coffee and he is deep in conversation . Anna has her lunch to get to and she is beginning to attract strange looks from the shop assistants . She ducks out of the shop and stumbles away, knees shaking. When she glances over her shoulde r the boy is still talking . He catches Anna's eye over the woman's shoulder and smiles as he watches her walk away, as if he knew that she would go. She feels like a traitor. Her children are scarcely older than him. How has he arrived here? Why has he been abandoned? She turns into a doorway , trying to get a grip on her feelings . Nearly Christmas; peace and good will to all men. She braces herself - she will do something after all . She turns. The boy has gone . Only the empty coffee cup remains.

Christmas by Valerie Webster Deck the halls with boughs of holly ,

Bring in logs of oak and yew Now the open fire is crackling, Wr apping paper crackles too.

Grandma's sipp ing sherry , While Grandpa takes a rest, Mum works in the kitchen .

And her roasties are the best.

The twins are fight ing on the rug, And make a dreadful noise.

They squabble over everything, Particularly toys.

Maisie's lost her stocking And is feeling very blue. I truly cannot find it Mum;

Will a duvet cover do?

Johnny 's strumming his guitar. He'd like to be a star -

The sort that's in a Rock Band, Not 'to follow from afar'.

Dad's gone down the cellar, To check his latest brew.

He's taken a large glass with him, To do a test or two.

At last the children go to bed For tomorrow's Christmas Morn,

The day we all remember As the one when Christ was born.

A new-born babe, in swaddling clothes, Lying on the hay.

Most wondrous gift we'll ever have, When we wake on Christmas Day.

Many a Slip by Mac Sparrow IN the Republic of Fishaldom Odious Creep was a Government Minister.

Odious wasn't his name, he was an Odii. To qualify as an Odii, Creep had to gain entrance to the camp of Competence and once he had entered Competence he was declared In Competent and could henceforth enter Government .

Creep had originally been Minister of Family Affairs and had imposed the 'Two Mothers Law', which was a Tax on obesity, if a family had a thin mother she was a MiniMum and paid no tax but if she exceeded the Creephoop dimension she became a MaxiMum and the family was obliged to pay a tax based on a complicated mathematical formula which multiplied her girth by her height divided it by the number of people living in the house then added the number of tiles on the roof.

As this had, for a time, added considerable revenue to Fishaldom's Treasury the Prime Minister had moved Creep to a newly created Department of Doors In and Out in the hope that Creep could raise additional taxes on passage.

Creep was an 'outside of the box' thinker and had devised a wonderful new Law, the Right Hand Door Handle Law. This was a straightforward requirement that all doors should serve the majority of the population's convenience to have every door handle on the right hand side of the door.

On the face of it this was straightforward, however, Creep, in common with all those who were qualified to enter Government, on the basis of their In Competence, did not, realise that if you enter a room through a door with its handle on the right hand side, when you leave the room the handle will be on the left hand side. This is the Law of Unintended Consequences, something quite common in Government.

Milly and Billy Onair soon turned this new law to their advantage and introduced the 'Revolutionary ' a centre hinged revolving door which spun on an axis and was thus always able to maintain its strategically placed handles on the right hand side from whichever direction the door was approached. This also meant that only the

Mini Mums could pass through these doors as, if you think about it, and Creep, because of his Incompetence, didn't mean that the door width is divided by two and therefore MaxiMums were rendered redundant and Tax revenues from the Ministry of Family Affairs plummeted. Another case of the Law of Unintended Consequences.

However the additional business created by his new law more than compensated for the losses and the Treasury was able to maintain its spending plan for Pretty Useless Road Signs. (PURS)

Ratti Fier and his brother Veri were employed by Creep's department to ensure these laws were adhered to by the population of Fishaldom.

It was Ratti Fier's job to travel the length and breadth of the country to check all doors, In and Out, and it was Veri Fier's job to confirm that this had been done, the brothers were essential to the efficiency of the department.

The Fier's were a large family. There was Quolly Fier who went to University, then there was Magni Fier who ran the Optician's , Ampli in the Music Shop, their very naughty brother Eason Fier who was in prison for arson and Passi Fier who worked for the Department of Placation.

The Fier's, except of course for Eason, were regarded as a very respected family. It was natural, therefore, for Creep to approach Ratti one day on a very personal matter.

To say Creep approached Ratti is misleading, for Creep, as did most of those in Fishaldum's Government, spent most of his time lying down. We're lyers, they declared, and they were but that was mainly because they didn't know what they stood for.

No, Creep had summoned Ratti to his office in Lying Down Street.

'Ratti' said Creep

'Yes, your Odiousness' replied the respectful Ratti.

'I, as you may have noticed Ratti, am lacking something in my life'

Continued on the next page

Ratti could think of many things Creep was lacking. Intelligence, good manners, hair, clean finger nafls all number of things. He hoped he wasn't going to be asked what he thought Creep was lacking, that could put him in a very difficult position. He was relieved therefore when Creep continued.

'Ratti, you are married to the never aging De Rinkly and you may have noticed I have no such person with which to share my life. I have decided I need a wife.'

'Ratti, you travel the length and breadth of this country' Creep continued.

'I do your Creepiness'. 'Then you must know if there is a woman out there who would suit my single mindedness'

Ratti hoped that Creep had not noticed the Freudian slip in his address to Creep's title and it seemed he had not and had simply joined in the nesses game.

Ratti thought for a few moments and then said ' Your Odiousness, I think I do, in fact she suits your single mindedness perfectly as she only has one of everything, her name is Menya and she lives in the divided community'.

'Bring her to me Ratti' said Creep 'Bring her here'.

So several days later Menya bought a single ticket to Fishaldom's capital and came to Creep's house.

Creep was immediately smitten by the girl 'She's half tidy' he told Ratti later.

In next to no time, and in Fishaldum there is no time next because time never comes, its always next, Creep and Menya were married.

After the wedding Creep called Ratti to one side, something he was used to with Menya, 'Ratti' he said ' I love her one ear, I love her one eye, her leg, her arm. But do you know Ratti what it is about Menya I love most?' Ratti said he didn't.

'Well really Ratti can't you guess what it is about her that I love the most?'

Ratti waited and thought for a moment then said 'Menya's lip?'

[Fiona Crinks, Val Webster and Mac Sparrow are all members of the Farmborough Writers' Circle that meet once a month at Pound Cottage. For more information about the group please contact Val on 01761 471963]

Farmborough Yoga Group celebrates 40 years Ann Swabey Farmborough Yoga Group, one of the longest-established groups in the village, is celebrating a very special anniversary. 40 years ago, in autumn 1976, the group was started by a small band of women, keen to learn about the benefits of yoga practice. Indeed, one of those original members is still part of the group today. It is still going strong, under the leadership of its current teacher, Philippa Forsey.

Members come to sessions for different reasons - some come for the exercise, others for the relaxation, for the undoubted health benefits, but all agree that the gentle, peaceful practice on a Monday evening in the Hall creates a welcome oasis in their busy lives. Long may it continue!

Puzzle Corner John Jones COMPLETE the square below using the numbers 1 to 6 inclusive so that each row, column, diagonal and 2 X 3 rectangle contain all six numbers. [Hint start with the first column and diagonal indicated] ,L. J/ 2

5

1 6 4 3

The month of February 2004 contained five Sundays. In which year(s) will this fact occur again during the present century?

Our thanks to John for supplying these posers and testing our little grey cells. The solutions will be published in next edition of the Flyer. No winners! No prizes!