!!

!!!!

Chapter 31 !!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday February 6th, 2014 9:29pm !It’s starting to all piece itself together now… !I was right in that I fell in love with Geoffrey Collver at first sight. I was wrong in assuming that he did not as well. He did. I saw it in his eyes. When I finished speaking and returned to my chair to gather my purse and binder and things, as he slid down the aisle—the exact same aisle to which I was the end… ;0) !“Have you heard of Disability Rights Ohio?” !—No. !“Well we’re an organization that represents people with disabilities and we’re giving testimony today in opposition to S.B.43 as well. Here’s a copy of our testimony—we’re basically going to say the exact same thing you just said. Here’s my card—look over our testimony and give me a call…” !Give me a call!! That asshole! He knew from the very start!! That bastard knew from the very goddamned start! He fell in love with me first! !No wonder I came to the moment when I’d realized I hadn’t felt the same male/female power struggle since Dave…as I improved, he grew threatened… !Well holy hell… !Look at that… !Geoffrey Collver loved me from first sight—before I’d even ever set eyes on him, he’d already fallen for me… !That fucking asshole… !No wonder he got so mad when I gave him shit for not attending the O.A.C.B.H.A. conference… !No wonder he refused to provide me any oversight as to the big picture from December on forward… !No wonder he refused to speak with me of anything personal after November came and went… !No wonder he treated me like a less than, human being… !That stupid asshole… !All of this…because he loved me. Guys are such unbelievable assholes. !No wonder he cut me off from insight and assistance in December. No wonder he became so irritable in December—when good ‘ol Mr. Murphy put his job at risk. Hah! Well…that—and because he loved me, but also because he has a non-working flight attendant wife at home with their 15-million kids! It’s true…I saw them online. I looked him up on Twitter. It broke my heart. This is so very fucked up. !

I asked Mary Turocy, his employee, to lunch “or even better, happy hour” (i.e. if she wanted to be my friend, under the guise of some questions I need to ask her regarding the legislative world…of which I am sure there are many…many of which I will think of very soon!). She did not want to be my happy hour friend though. Happy to be my professional lunch-acquaintance…no interest in being my friend though. Stuck-up bitch… !She’s just as bad as he is…with her little “study abroad” credentials and her Denison “honors” program degree and her shit tons and boatloads of experience that all make her “good enough” to get past Geoffrey Collver and into DRO’s doors as an employee. Assholes… !Well…I guess it should be interesting to see this Tuesday, how this all plays out. I have my PAIMI Council interview at 11am, and then lunch with Mary Turocy to follow—that is…if she’s not too busy. Assholes. !No…I’m just only half serious here. This, I know. I am hurt because she does not want to be my friend—and I say I do not understand why…but that is mere transference of past experience and emotional trauma onto present. Her boss is uncomfortable with me because I threaten him professionally, and because he has “inappropriate” “feelings” for me personally. That makes her uncomfortable. Plus, she’s somewhat frightened of me because I’m a “loose cannon” and—she knows neither the extent of my powers, nor the control I am capable to exercise upon them. And then, of course, she too, is threatened. They all are. Every single fucking one—except perhaps for Senator Coley, Michael and Alan. !I mean, if you think about it (and I do…)—it’s pretty un-fucking-believable. “Genuine, admirable human beings built of solid character” my ass!!! Michael Kirkman at DRO, maybe—but Geoffrey Collver…without a doubt, not. !Ugh! I can’t even believe this! What a total asshole! This is so…annoying—to be realizing this so very much so after the fact! Ahh well…better than never at all, I suppose ;0) !I suppose… !Better than 10-years after the fact, as is…well, as was, the case with David. !Sigh… !I wish my mom didn’t play the TV so goddamned loud ;0( !I literally cannot imagine… !Nahh…I can’t even finish writing that thought out—because I know so clearly how lacking it is in truth. I can clearly envision myself doing well—living on my own, in a cute little home…a cottage-like-inn out between 315 and Home and Orange roads…right over there off of Perry Road not too far from my parents’ house… !There’s gotta be a “maid’s” house for sale or rent over there somewhere I’d bet… !And I will write this proposal for the AG to continue my mental-health consumer advocacy for the State of Ohio…. !Except now, moving forward—as a highly paid “seriously mentally ill” mental-health consumer legislative advocate and attorney for the State of Ohio’s mentally ill population blah blah blah… !I’m tired of writing and my laundry’s done and my neck hurts and I don’t know…

!I’m just anxious to get started already! I mean, these hoops—they’re absolutely exhausting ;0) !Bahhahahaha!

Thursday February 6th, 2014 11:27pm

I just have the strangest feeling I think I’ve ever felt in my entire life. It’s as though I’ve inherently become a part of a secret club, or something. Like this secret membership of beings amongst human beings and it’s slightly—terrifying—because I don’t know what it is even…I just don’t know…

I mean, honest to god—it feels like some kind of power club within the political arena, or at least the legislative political arena. But it doesn’t feel like it’s limited by politics—but it definitely does feel as though my Mr. President of a hero is within it as well! I mean…what-the-fuck-am-I-even-talking-about?!!! But I swear to you on the eyes of my unborn children—this is real. It cannot be seen; it can only be felt. And I am a part of it now—and I don’t know WTF that even means…except perhaps, for one—and only one thing:

That this is a humanitarian club—and as for money, it is a mere means to the end…

In support of humanity…

—Maybe— ?

Ohh I don’t fucking know! I’ve never felt this before! I just have no idea!

But just, the strangest things…

Like after I said bye to Geoff and Mary on my way out of the Statehouse the other day—up the stairs they went, and down the stairs I began heading in the opposite direction. And I tell you, some guy passed by me then to my left and I couldn’t tell you what in the world he looked like now—except, that he looked like someone I’d never before seen in my entire life. Like, ever…and he walked right past me on my left and as he so did, he said, “Hi Marissa!”

I kid you not—and it seems so anticlimactic now after all that longwinded build up! But it was just the strangest goddamned thing—I don’t even know what more to say about it. It was just such an altogether goddamned strange experience.

Let’s see…what else?!

Ohh! So…this past Sunday night/Monday morning I awoke, at midnight—got right the fuck up out of bed, sat down at my computer and thought…

FUCK Mister Glenn Sheller at The Columbus Dispatch! I thought…

I’m not gonna wait—and I’m sure as hell not going to leave the decision up to this asshole at The Dispatch to make! I thought…

I’m just gonna do it. I’m just gonna crucify Terry Russell at NAMI Ohio…with a nuce finely crafted straight out from his very own words of deceit. I don’t know why these idiots ever think they’re so clever…

It’s so telling, how very much so they actually, are not—in their refusal to acknowledge how very finite, are the implications stemming out from their own limited experiences in life. How finite is their knowledge, relatively speaking of course—but all the same and then some…they just have

no idea the expansiveness to which their own self-induced ignorance does stretch! And all the while—they go on thinking they are so clever…such foolish fools…

No wonder Mary Turocy at DRO is scared of me and wants only to broach me as lunch acquaintance-friend…

If I didn’t understand what I now speak of, but heard me speaking now nonetheless—I’d probably be a little frightened too. In fact, you know how it goes…if they could see these thought-dreams and all…you know what they’d do, what with that ‘ol guillotine and all…

Ohh Bobby Dyl…Bobby Dyl! I love my good ‘ol Bobby Dyl…but back to the story!

My gosh Maris!

Okay, so…I took that motherfucker —out— just as soon as I’d finished writing at like 6:12am—it was sent. And I BCC’d the world—including NAMI Franklin County’s email list, and the entire Ohio state legislature. I mean everyone…I BCC’d them all…and it was great.

And so then, it was like 6:15 in the morning, so I went downstairs, made myself some sunny-side ups with toast—and sat down to New Girl for breakfast. And so I turn the TV on, start the newest of the new New Girl episodes…and I kid you not—don’t know you know who showed up on that New Girl episode?!!!

PRINCE—like, himself. I swear to god that I kid you not. Prince with the house in Minnesota that I used to pass by all the time to and fro that hellhole of a campsite I worked at by my parents’ old locale out there…

Prince—of—SEVEN…

Prince of “Prince and The New Power Generation” and their lovely song called 7 with the Bahhahahha…to which I’d specifically referred in my first follow up email to good ‘ol Terry Russell back in October…

Well anyways, so far as I can tell for now—from this point over here amidst both space and time—I took that motherfucker out…

And then here like, within 20-minutes of pressing the “send” button on that email…Prince shows up on my television set for a celebration with Zooey Deschanel. It was uncanny. I was so tired…I had hardly slept that night prior. And yet there on my TV screen, Prince appears on New Girl to teach the teacher, Miss Jessica Day, how to say “I love you.” And he spoke of beauty, and all other such love-related things. I mean, it was m’f’ing uncanny as all get out…but I didn’t really get it—till I’d returned upstairs to see my updated computer screen.

Prince said, “it’s your party now,” and I know what he meant. I knew FDC was calling…

And so I came upstairs to search for this mysterious new Prince “do you wanna fall in love” song to no avail; but in the process, I saw what NAMI Franklin County did—no doubt, under NAMI Ohio’s direction.

“It is important to note that only consumer-voice mental-health programs have been suspended at this time.”

Like…what the hell?!! What…does he think I’m in fucking high school or something?!! Or is he seriously—punishing my people in a rash and hatred-filled response to my 6:12am email

communication? I mean, NAMI Franklin County’s email went out just minutes after 7am. Effective 1/31/2014 it said—apparently retroactive I guess. At 7am…like, what the hell!?!!!

So anyways—that does affect my people, and I’m not happy about Mister Russell’s NAMI Ohio direction. But hopefully this will be sufficient reason for NAMI National or really the NAMI Ohio board or just anyone—to boot this mental-health bully out of there. “Ohio’s voice on mental-illness” my ass…

What a fucking asshole…

See…I’m still upset ;0(

So anyways, my hand’s beginning to hurt so I’ll wrap this up. But, long ‘nother round about point being—had my heart not just previously been moved to love-pieces by FDC’s sign of fate on New Girl with Prince and his questioning…his question—Maris…

Do you wanna fall in love?

Yes—please!!

;0)

Then I would have been devastated by Mr. Russell’s actions—potentially, to the point of no return…

And that same night I think it was, I’d dreamt of my old college arch enemy of evil—the dreaded Lindsay Lowa…evil incarnate and all…

Dietrich’s barking like a madman now…

It’s almost as if her spirit is haunting me now…

See, it’s shit like this…

I haven’t even thought of L.L. in years…

I mean, maybe I thought of her at one point to name her for TCOB—but that was months ago and otherwise, I’d swear it’s been years. So why now? Why Sunday night, such that I’d wake up at midnight on Monday morning and spend the next six hours crafting the arrow by which Terry Russell at NAMI Ohio would be taken out? And, why on Tuesday then—the very following day…would Senator Coley be talking to me about job security and working with me to fix mental-healthcare over the next seven years while he’s in office…and why would I be late, such that he would have to leave—but tell me to stay…such that I would be walking around his office and I would be looking at his things and I would read his congratulations comment, from campaign supporter to “FLY BOY” and everything…

Why?!! And I mean, I know I’m just barely hanging on by a thread here myself! The one remaining loose end to my otherwise, so intricately woven web…

So delicately I grasp on—and yet the mountain shatters before me…

And the ice castle appears as if straight out from my own, two hands…

It is too complexly perfect to be imperfect…

The web has been too intricately woven to be anything less…to be anything less than exactly what is meant to be. And that is me. I am she…just all meant to be ;0)

So, as I would say—or rather first, as Foster the People did profess…

“You can call it what you want.”

But, I’ma stick with Fate…Fate, Destiny and Chance.

Friday February 7th, 2014 12:48am Alright…here it is…(the gears are really shifting now over here…)—Senator Coley has to appease me now. He has to. I’m not entirely sure why as of yet—I’m only entirely sure of that conclusion! He has to appease me now somehow, or else S.B.43 will likely never make it past a senate floor vote. That deal with NAMI Ohio is a rainmaker—people will be talking, and they will be saying who did that? Who brought him down? That was his mistake—making himself so widely known as the “driving force” behind this bill. That was his big mistake no.1. NAMI Ohio’s big mistake no.2 was granting out access to their Franklin County, Ohio email subscriber list. I mean, I’da had nothing without that. It’s all just so intricately designed—don’t you see? Now they have to appease me…therefrom was born my job security… Geoffrey Collver said “What? How’s he gonna do that?” when I told him part-I of the Senator Coley/Marissa Varcho mental-health crisis resolution 2-part compromise for the senate bill. Part I—counsel, appointed to all AOT respondents until such time as is determined non-indigent and reasonable opportunity to arrange for private counsel. Part II—entirely strike R.C. 5122.311 regarding reporting of all mentally-ill persons to the National Bureau of Criminal Investigation… So, we’ll see what happens…I mean, I don’t think they have to do anything… But it certainly would be in their best-interests to appease me…and those U.S. politicians…you know how they do feel about their own self-interests… Hence, the “appease me”. Checkmate. !

Marissa  Varcho  <marissavarcho@gmail.com>

Status  of  SB43  Amendments  as  Discussed  &  Reference  Question

Marissa  Varcho  <marissavarcho@gmail.com> Fri,  Feb  7,  2014  at  10:05  AM

To:  "Groseclose,  Emily"  <Emily.Groseclose@ohiosenate.gov>

Cc:  "Sen.  Coley,  OSCJC-­Chair"  <coley@ohiosenate.gov>

Bcc:  Marissa  Varcho  <marissavarcho@gmail.com>,  April  Friedman  <ssteady@gmail.com>,  Rachel  Varcho

<rsteffanni@yahoo.com>,  Michael  Kirkman  <mkirkman@disabilityrightsohio.org>,  Geoffrey  Collver

<gcollver@disabilityrightsohio.org>

Hi Emily,

I just wanted to write and see if I could get a status update on how things are coming along with arranging the two

SB43 amendments Senator Coley was working on as of this past Tuesday, namely--

1. Appointment of counsel to all persons brought into the court-system under R.C. 5122 until such time as it has

been determined that any such person is not indigent, and after a reasonable amount of time has been provided

post-mental-health-crisis/detainment for such person to obtain private counsel (as applicable in non-indigent

cases); and

2. The removal of R.C. 5122.311 - http://codes.ohio.gov/orc/5122.311 - in its entirety.

If you could let me know once you have an opportunity to follow up with Senator Coley, I would greatly appreciate

it. I'm writing a "Letter to the Editor" pitch for Glenn Sheller at The Columbus Dispatch, and would like to focus in

on these positive improvements to SB43 in support of our mental-health consumer community by the state

legislature, if the above-mentioned amendments are going to be made possible.

-----

Also, I am preparing a proposal for Attorney General Mike DeWine's review as it relates to the creation of an

independent contracting (1099) position with the AG's office, which will enable me to continue my work as an

independent mental-health consumer legal advocate. My primary functions (as determined to-date-- I have to

complete the thought and write the proposal this weekend) would include:

1. State mental-health medical and consumer-support resource review and coordination;

2. Youth (K-12) & young adult (college/university) mental-health education outreach;

3. Creation of mental-health public education materials for distribution;

4. Mental-health consumer legislative advocacy/educational outreach to state legislature; and

5. Preparation of fundamental state legislative mental-health policy change materials supported by legal research,

conclusions from independent state mental-health resource/system review (as per no.1 listed above), etc.

I was wondering if Senator Coley might be willing to serve as a reference to include in my proposal. I do not have

extensive legislative advocacy experience, but I think Senator Coley's support for my work to-date would still make

a significant difference in the AG's willingness to consider my proposal for review.

-----

If you could let me know the Senator's thoughts at your earliest convenience, I would greatly appreciate it. If

Senator Coley would prefer to speak with me via phone or in person, I can arrange for that as well. Just let me

know what works best for him. And of course, if you have any questions at all, please don't hesitate to let me know.

Sincerely,

Marissa Varcho(614) 633-5155

Friday February 7th, 2014 3:44pm Ohh my god…still nothing yet has come forth from Senator Coley’s office and I think I might just die here waiting all by myself—especially knowing that asshole Geoffrey Collver at DRO who is supposed to be on my side, is just gloating in anticipation of my complete and utter and ultimate (as he anticipates…) failure. I mean, what an asshole! I swear to god I can feel his arrogant gloating all the way from downtown out here into the suburbs of Powell. Ohh Universe! I’m trying my best to hold tight! I promise you that—very truly so, I am… I guess I’m just still a bit “mid-air” is all. Time to cease all DRO communications. Their Marissa K. Varcho insider-benefit days are over. But it’s good…for just this once. They helped me, I helped them…and now it is done. And fuck you Geoffrey Collver. Ughh… I just am having very unpleasant feelings right now; mostly just tired, don’t want to call the insurance company for fear of getting upset—don’t want to leave the house because last time I did that, I ended up with a hot fudge sundae from Cullver’s (hah…) and $100 more worth of books from Barnes & Noble. And their membership also…I can’t stop the shopping and it’s very scary to feel like I have to depend on others because this whole web is so intricately designed, and what if he doesn’t really understand?!! Or, what if he doesn’t really care?!! What then?!!!?! I’d just be ruined, I guess ;0) Is not the case though. I have made this not the ordinary case since last October and it’s only been building since then. Terry Russell is gone now; Geoffrey Collver’s assholedom has been revealed; and Mister William P. (?) Coley Jr. (?) or whatever you know… Senator Coley does understand. He said so himself, “how impressively” I’d managed my “tactics” and all. Sigh…I want to go to sleep ;0/ And yet still anyways…I persist to believe. Any day now, it’s going to happen finally—that I will be RELEASED; and I will be FREE… And then I’ll shove it in Geoffrey Collver’s face…and give Senator Coley a big hug with a great gesture of thanks—and then I will officially leave this hellhole behind, and move on to bigger and better things. Namely—independent contracting ;0) This is going to happen Maris… All the others are of such little faith—because so too are their capabilities. You EARNED this Maris…

Enjoy it—and get ready to take flight… And all that aside…ohh my god…I’ve never been more terrified in my entire life. Ahhh David if you’re there…please help me get back focused! I’m just struggling a bit…I’m sure everything’s going to be just fine though—nahh… ;0) BETTER than fine…so much better Miss Maris… Just you be patient; count your blessings, and for god’s sake go call the goddamned insurance company to get your $1,000 back! Go! Go forth!! Love you ;0)!