jennsdrunkstweets

Drunk and disorderly with @DavidTheHater at Il Sole. Happy Valentines Day love, The Sourhearts

3h

Steven Zacks @SMZacks Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone! i.imgur.com/tXlux.jpgRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

5h

Jonathan Sollis @JonNYSollis Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Yo chill with getting super emo on twitter. Save that shit for your journal.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

5h

NOT Amanda Bynes? @JennsDrunk Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Nothing says anything louder than Ed Hardy RT @joedinardo:@JennsDrunk nothing says 'I love you' louder than Ed Hardy

6h


Since when is a pack of cigarettes and an Ed Hardy lighter not a good Valentines Day present?

9h


Happy Birthday to the best person I actually know little about cause were only close friends on the Internet, @FennyFen! *drunk girl woo*

9h


Forget Valentines Day I'm more excited for February 15th, Morning After Pill Appreciation Day!

9h


<3 RT @PigsAndPlans: Happy Valentine's Day @Jennsdrunk &@Lykkeliofficial. Love you.

14 Feb


@OmgAlex I just can't even live anymore

In reply to Alexander Rose

14 Feb


It takes a special kind of drinking problem to lose your wallet and not realize its gone for an entire day.

14 Feb

NOT Amanda Bynes? @JennsDrunk Reply Retweet Favorited · Open

I would have been more inclined to watch The Grammys has it been spelled Grammies and been about drugs.

14 Feb


If you give a mouse a cookie I can't imagine that's very good for the mouse why wouldn't you just eat the cookie yourself...

14 Feb


RT @ChrisGiusto: Maybe I'm just old fashioned but, I have rickets.

14 Feb


@sherbysays I giggled at this for a good 3 minutes.

In reply to Sherry Levine

14 Feb


When the boat becomes new again and she sees Jack at the top of the stairs... Like, really great stuff James Cameron.

14 Feb


Watching Titanic crying into my bowl of cereal. It's so shitty that she doesn't share that door float. Been upset about it since '97.

14 Feb

Confusion @PigsAndPlans Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Check out our interview with @IamAlexWinston. Weird/awesome stuff. bit.ly/yfmJKPRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

13 Feb


Yellow diamonds in the light... instagr.am/p/G8efe8BYw7/

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13 Feb

E.Todes @ETodes Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

That's enough Bruno MarsRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

13 Feb

Chris Giusto @ChrisGiusto Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

No one just casually has a dildoRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

13 Feb


There's nothing louder than elevator silence.

13 Feb


I really needed this this morning. Thank you. RT @rihanna: I love you!!!

13 Feb

Ari Levy @arisage92 Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

That awkward moment when you're writing to someone but you forgot how to spell a word so you change the whole sentence to avoid using itRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

12 Feb

Zachary Collinger @zeeceeskie Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

If a dude named Van Winkle died no one would really pay attention to it cuz the news would read RIP Van Winkle :(Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

12 Feb


Doubt I'll put pants on today either #nyfw

12 Feb


What happened?!?!?! instagr.am/p/G4H8TFBY2Z/

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11 Feb

Interview Magazine @InterviewMag Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

A discovery for the weekend: Alex Casnoff's new electronic-folk group, Harriet bit.ly/zNrQ8jRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

11 Feb


Somewhere @DJSamFrench's hair looks amazing right now.

11 Feb


Everyday I'm hustlin. #NapsOnNapsOnNapsinstagr.am/p/G2jLayBY56/

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11 Feb


Opened the door without pants on thinking it was @DavidTheHater. Nope. It was UPS.

11 Feb


That baby looks like Beyonce had a baby with Beyonce. RT@PigsAndPlans: The First Pictures Of Blue Ivy Cartertinyurl.com/7y5fxe2

11 Feb


An @Harrietmusic interview in Interview? Yes, please. Hot boys in a hot mag (and they probably slept with your mother)interviewmagazine.com/music/discover…

11 Feb


Oh fantastic I don't even care where the remote is cause after The Princess Diaries is over Princess Diaries 2 is on.

11 Feb


I really do want to get a job but the day time abc family lineup is just too good.

10 Feb


If you're standing on the street yelling, "I'm not stressed about it!!!" I'm pretty sure you're stressed about it... #iseeyouguy

10 Feb

CollegeHumor @CollegeHumor Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

BREAKING NEWS: Jean-Ralphio cast as Spiderman!! (@rejectedjokes) bit.ly/yU4oQARetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

10 Feb

Sherry Levine @sherbysays Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

A good romcom is like a really good cheese platter.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

10 Feb

The AV Club @TheAVClub Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

There's "absolutely" going to be another Wet Hot American Summer.avc.lu/zRUDWFRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

9 Feb


@HoodieAllen @PigsAndPlans awwww thaaaanks guyz

In reply to Hoodie Allen

9 Feb


ugh. <3 RT @PigsAndPlans Remember when @JennsDrunk sang?bit.ly/cOVi1F She needs to get in a studio, right?

8 Feb


The Knocks ft. Mandy Lee – "Midnight City" (M83 Cover)tinyurl.com/6ul2qnwRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

8 Feb

Alexander Rose @OmgAlex Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

WHO HAS CIGARETTES WHOAAA WHOAAA WHOAAA OOOOHOOOOO ::to be sung to the tune of 'what's new pussycat'::Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

8 Feb


See you at spin class, guys! -things you'll never hear me say and also mean

8 Feb


Find me forever dancing. @itstheknocks did it again.youtube.com/watch?v=vi1mri…

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7 Feb


I just love musical theatre so much.

7 Feb

Sam French @DJSamFrench Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Its 1030 AM and I've already spent a few minutes thinking bout how much I hate the phrase "go in"

Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

6 Feb

David @DavidTheHater Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

White football players just have the WORST tattoos. #superbowl#rethinkyourinkRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

6 Feb


Christina Aguilera looks like she smells like hot dogs.

6 Feb

Carly Chaikin @carlychaikin Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

So disappointing how little views this has gottenyoutube.com/watch?v=MV0LCI… #helpmelosemydignityRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes? View video

6 Feb


Take off your shirt, Tom Brady.

6 Feb


She needs a name! Help! instagr.am/p/okDM2/

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6 Feb


Offered without commentary: pic.twitter.com/XMqxSOQz

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6 Feb

Fenny F Baby™ @FennyFen Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

You know what I love more than drunk quesadillas? Nothing.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

6 Feb


60 percent of the time @sherbysays kills it every timeinstagr.am/p/odNxE/

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6 Feb


@sherbysays miss you.


6 Feb


Good for me I made a super bowl/marijuana joke. Pat me on the back cause I'm a twitter Giant(s).

6 Feb


The only Super Bowl happening in this apt is the one@DavidTheHater n I are gonna smoke before watching Britney in 3dpic.twitter.com/frpeVNiu

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6 Feb


@OmgAlex I woke up to this in my bed... pic.twitter.com/yTbo4SjL

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6 Feb


Twitters not refreshing on my phone and it's way too bright in here#SuperBowl

5 Feb


Find someone that loves the music of R Kelly more than me. I dare you.

5 Feb


God damnit were so fucking beautiful. @omgalexinstagr.am/p/oPXF_/

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5 Feb


Clear eyes, full hearts, no hepatitis. Thank you @rillawafers. You are everything.

5 Feb


I fly like paper, get high like planes. @sherbysays @ktdanzainstagr.am/p/oPKPJ/

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5 Feb


Omg. Dance your fucking face off @fennyfen on the tables.@andrewsahn on the face. #rage instagr.am/p/oPGD1/

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5 Feb


RT @PigsAndPlans: Video: Bon Iver Blesses SNLtinyurl.com/7899ykm

5 Feb


This party comes with a hash tag #PerrisBatMitzvah

5 Feb


No one sings a lady anthem like Kelly Clarkson.

5 Feb


@neongoldrecords I remember this game. Also, that commercial is borderline terrifying.

In reply to Neon Gold Records

5 Feb


Vegas is so terrible the city's slogan is basically please don't tell anybody what you did here.

5 Feb


THANK YOU. RT @SMZacks: @JennsDrunk I admire your willingness to go "high-concept" on twitter.

5 Feb


No one liked this? Low-stakes thriller. Like high-stakes thriller. Ugh, forget it. RT @JennsDrunk Are there any low-stakes thrillers?

5 Feb


I may not have seen all the movies up for the Academy Award but I have seen every episode of Kim and Kourtney Take NY. Twice.

5 Feb


RT @shenaeSG: Meatballs take Vegas baby! @JennsDrunk@johnnywujek bit.ly/AcHppj

4 Feb


Bitches cross me and they be gettin an I'm Sorry pie. #thehelp

4 Feb


Are there any low-stakes thrillers?

12 Jan

Dave Ihlenfeld @daveihl Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

You never meet anyone who's quietly on a juice diet.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

14 Jan

Dave Ihlenfeld @daveihl Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Public parks only exist to host Mexican birthday parties.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

4 Feb


@djbroc slaps? You're goin with slaps?

In reply to B-Roc

4 Feb


I want to go back to high school just so I can make my senior quote, "Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass" -Big Sean

4 Feb


Journey 2 is what happens when a writer has just dropped acid and then told he has a last minute pitch meeting.

4 Feb


@RealZachSchau oh em gee hayyy. Friends. #friends

In reply to Zachary A. Schau

4 Feb


Its so great that @DonaldGlover has time to do Community, his music, and also be the DJ on Ellen. pic.twitter.com/BALTyq7h

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4 Feb

Darryl Gudmundson @rillawafers Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Anyone who watched 'I Just Want My Pants Back' would star in a new show called 'I Just Want Those 30 Minutes Back'.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

4 Feb


#ff funny fucks. @DavidTheHater @sherbysays @rillawafers@OmgAlex @SMZacks

4 Feb


@OmgAlex god damnit. It was weird that it was really hard to find the skinny hipster with the glasses and the beanie and the facial hair...


4 Feb


Nothing says I got my shit together like openly crying in the Starbucks line.

4 Feb

NOT Amanda Bynes? @JennsDrunk

Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenIm head of craft services in my apt RT @stu_mc: @JennsDrunkwhat's your job?

3 Feb


RT @djbroc: Harriet EP release instagr.am/p/navoX/

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3 Feb


Yeaaaah all the love for @SuperMashBros RT @PigsAndPlans: Album: Super Mash Bros. - 'Miley High Club' tinyurl.com/7vefkh4

3 Feb

Carly Chaikin @carlychaikin Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

The video's almost funnier without sound ha! youtube.com/watch?v=MV0LCI… LETS GET THIS VIRAL PEOPLE!Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes? View video

3 Feb


Audio overload! Downloading everything on @PigsAndPlans. Dance party at my place. pigeonsandplanes.com/category/audio

3 Feb


Susan G. Komen sounds like a horrible bitch.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

3 Feb


Almost positive I'm driving behind JC Chasez.pic.twitter.com/Ls2qUe1N

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2 Feb


No. RT @lindsaylohan: I'm just curious.... Does anyone love@SnowPatrol (s) new record "Fallen Empires" as much as i do?

2 Feb


...that time my bf adopted a dog Nikki Reed rescued RT@NikkiReed_I_Am: @DavidTheHater That's Bean! Take good care of her...she was my fav.

2 Feb


So they mashed up "Seasons of Love" from Rent and Mickey Avalons "My Dick." I mean... Facebook.com/sprmshbros

2 Feb


And if you like it tweet n00dz @FennyFen and @SuperMashBros to say thank you. #MileyHighClub

2 Feb


EVERYONE! Take off your pants and download this fucking mixtape! Miley High Club by @SuperMashBros. Involve yourself.facebook.com/sprmshbros

2 Feb

Super Mash Bros. @SuperMashBros Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

#MileyHighClub Listn.to/SuperMashBrosRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

2 Feb


If you're not super skinny, you're fat.

2 Feb


Tonight my panties won't be the only thing dropping in a public forum. @SuperMashBros new mix tape hitting the interwebz soon.

2 Feb


When you're done somewhere you yell over it and flip a chair over before you walk out also, right?

2 Feb


It was way easier to get a new bank card completely then figure out which pair of jeans my old one was left in...

2 Feb


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenVisited the @cottoncitizen warehouse today. Do yourself a huge favor and go buy everything they sell (avail at Ron Robinson in Feed Segal).

1 Feb


...moments before Barry the hulked out chihuahua ruined everyone's day. instagr.am/p/mxKDg/

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1 Feb


Sometimes when my hands get cold I warm them up in the area between my boobs.

1 Feb


Sing Closing Time but change the word closing to the word bacon. Much better song.

1 Feb

RamonaMark @RamonaMark Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Download @Harrietmusic's new FREE EP @ www.harrietmusic.com and you can also stream it here: bit.ly/ywOsI2Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

31 Jan


You win! Hahah RT @JenBlushi: @JennsDrunk I mean…dvdizzy.com/images/w-z/wow…

31 Jan


Harry Potter and the Golden Globe Goes To Octavia Spencer#BlackHarryPotter

31 Jan

jsho @sho4sho Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

#BlackHarryPotter Hary potter and The order of the chick fil aRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

31 Jan


Donald Glover. #BlackHarryPotterRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

31 Jan


Harry Potter and the Jacob the Jewelers Stone #BlackHarryPotter

31 Jan


#BlackHarryPotter Harry potter and the court order of the PhoenixRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

31 Jan


Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azcaban #BlackHarryPotter

31 Jan


#BlackHarryPotter Harry potter and the half blood cryptRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

31 Jan


@sho4sho Harry Potter and the Half Blood Paternity Test

In reply to jsho

31 Jan


@sho4sho Harry Potter and the Deathly Gang Related Fight Pt. 1

In reply to jsho

31 Jan


@sho4sho It's a side of Harry you've never seen before, his black side...

In reply to jsho

31 Jan


Can't wait to see Harry Potter 8, Harry Potter and The Woman in Black

31 Jan


@OmgAlex he wants it.


31 Jan


Oh. My. God. RT @raeltsc @lindsaylohan My boyfriend did a drawing of a perfect masterpiece. Lilo for you with love !lockerz.com/s/179331205"

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31 Jan


Does anyone want to get the fuck out of here with me?

30 Jan


Ugh why isn't there a 24 hour bacon drive thru. #weed

30 Jan


"The Internet never forgets." -Sexting in Suburbia (An original Lifetime movie event. Lifetime: television for women.)

30 Jan

Noah Harald @NoahHarald Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

I still think Friday Night Lights the TV show should win best picture at the Oscars.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

30 Jan


Sometimes I don't remember I've been to a place before until I walk into the bathroom. If you get that you GET that.

30 Jan

Harris Wittels @twittels Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

My balls just won a SAG award.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

29 Jan


@sho4sho #imsoemo

In reply to jsho

29 Jan


I can't believe my 14 year old cousin OD'd on whip its! Oh no, no wait, that was Demi Moore...

29 Jan

rob delaney @robdelaney Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

I bet Lauryn Hill can fuck up a toilet.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

23 Jan


Steven Tyler looks like my mom's friend Jan who tried to fuck me when I was in high school & is dead now.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

29 Jan


Ive been drunk since yesterday. #ughmissyousomuchalways RT@ThisisWilkes: @JennsDrunk you getting drunk tonight? #missyou

29 Jan


RT @DavidTheHater: Just saw Rebecca Black at Madeo, but it's Saturday night, so I guess it doesn't count.

29 Jan


Kris Humphries always looks like he has absolutely no idea where he is.

29 Jan

Sherry Levine @sherbysays Reply Retweet Favorited · Open

How come no one told me that my week with marilyn was like kinda the worst?Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

29 Jan


Best. License. Plate. Ever. (and yes, I do) instagr.am/p/lrzRC/

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29 Jan


It's one of those days where I don't know what I'm gonna do when the sun goes down and I have to take my sunglasses off...

29 Jan


Plane photo shoot with @shenaesg. Do you love it? The guy next to us LOVES it. instagr.am/p/lnf_F/

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29 Jan


New favorite thing: whispering, "I'll miss you" to the person at the airport who scans your ticket.

29 Jan


Last Friday Night? @shenaesg instagr.am/p/llu2I/

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29 Jan


If you leave Vegas with the same amount of respect for yourself as you came with, you did something wrong.

29 Jan

shenae grimes @shenaeSG Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Ps wakin up in vegas aint as fun as @katyperry makes it sound!#hurtingbad Big congrats to katy, marcus and @GiveLove for a great event!! XXRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

28 Jan

Skeet Skeet @skeetonmytwitts Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

sarah mclachlanRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

28 Jan


Plug it in and turn me on. Cc @shenaesg instagr.am/p/laP7i/

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28 Jan


Glowsticks, light my way...

28 Jan


Vegas? Vegas. instagr.am/p/lWo2r/

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28 Jan


You know what you did @jessicaamento instagr.am/p/lUYeP/

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28 Jan


Poppin bottles, fuckin models. RT @shenaeSG: The meatballs are going to vegas baby! Xx @JennsDrunk

28 Jan


Need. RT @carlychaikin: Black diamond "fuck" ring #gangsterinstagr.am/p/lOW06/

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28 Jan


I'll take 8, please. instagr.am/p/lOPIj/

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28 Jan


Somebody bring me a chocolate milkshake

28 Jan


If I don't take a 15 minute nap in your store how will I know if I like the fucking couch. God damnit, West Elm.

28 Jan


Meatballs take Vegas? cc: @shenaeSG

27 Jan


National Association of Zero Intolerance or NAZI.

27 Jan


The music out now is good and all but I just wanna listen to Booger Sugar. Share your genius with the world @JacobKasher!

27 Jan


There's nothing worse than watching an unattractive person eating something messy.

26 Jan


The question isn't, do you want to smoke weed? it's do you have any, do you want to smoke it, can I have some water? wanna get a taco?Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

26 Jan

Alec Sulkin @thesulk Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Next time your in a silent elevator ride with a stranger, turn to her and say, "I'm sorry we're fighting."Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

26 Jan


Woop!X "@BakingforGood: psyched to see our #SpreadtheHeartcookies w @shenaeSG+@nikkipennie featured by @seventeenmag!bkfr.gd/yg2fw1"Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

26 Jan


Whats the best Mexican food in Santa Monica? Specifically fish tacos. (Don't make a vagina joke just answer the question).

26 Jan


*Woody Allen RT @pmablog Directed by Martin Scorsese RT@tanlines Kanye n Jay should do a vid where they time travel to Paris in the 1920's

25 Jan


You guys aren't supposed to be out of your bunks. You're in trouble.instagr.am/p/kdqwF/

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25 Jan


Everyone who mentions a "Shit ______ Say" gets a free punch in the face and/or stomach.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

25 Jan


This! RT @el_jay13 @JennsDrunk Disneyland employees r specifically banned from having soul patches bc of their innate serial killer quality

25 Jan


Does Allstate cover "Sorry I Wasn't Paying Attention Cause I Was Jamming to Katy Perry's The One That Got Away"?

25 Jan


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenThere's never an excuse for a soul patch.

25 Jan


Check out @Harrietmusic's EP stream on @PasteMagazinepastemagazine.com/blogs/av/2012/…Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

24 Jan


The only thing more impressive than @davidthehater's cheek bones is his bank account. instagr.am/p/kHyNF/

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24 Jan


Hey! @thedrybar - I got suuuper tired half way through blowing my hair out. If I come in with it half done is it half off? #UghLife

23 Jan


Wes Anderson sees the world through Instagram filter eyes

23 Jan


So, the Asian Mom character on Angry Boys and Kris Jenner are the same person, right?

23 Jan


Ugh, I wanna be Black Swan skinny.

23 Jan


Channeling my inner Costner. #HipsterHeadBobbingWithWolvesinstagr.am/p/jwuwY/

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23 Jan


High Desert. Emphasis on High. instagr.am/p/jwpFp/

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23 Jan


I'm still bitter my name wasn't used in Lou Bega's Mambo Number 5

22 Jan

Tremendous News! @tremendousnews Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Nobody cares how you pronounce gnocchi, girl-who-went-to-Italy-once.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

22 Jan


I promise you that you'll remember tonight for the rest of your life@theknocks video shoot with @JessicaAmento #ROYLpic.twitter.com/7kaBOBd8

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21 Jan


Oh hey moby? #fatboyslim

21 Jan


Yo, if you've got that back armpit fat situation please don't wear a tank top. Like, do you, just do you in a sweater.

21 Jan


God damn you, 30 Rock. You're just too good. instagr.am/p/jDIuV/

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21 Jan


This Red Tails trailer is for white people: youtube.com/watch?v=BpA6TC… This Red Tails trailer is for ALTS & URBAN viewers:youtube.com/watch?v=i16MCl…Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes? View video

21 Jan


Yes I am listening to the original broadway recording of Rent loudly in my Prius, now put your head back in your own car and keep driving.

20 Jan


Songs with @mybandowen instagr.am/p/ixsnN/

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20 Jan


Getting weird @bronsonbar tonight. Come get drunk with hot ladies who love urban music.

20 Jan


Full blownsies? RT @rillawafers: this dog has AIDSinstagr.am/p/io7hX/

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19 Jan


I'm on a Juice cleanse. And by juice I mean alcohol and by cleanse I mean eating disorder.

19 Jan


Ah! RT @LAWeekly Hollywood sign body part count a head, two hands, and now two feet, all believed to be same personow.ly/8yw8U

19 Jan


I just contacted Rep. Henry Waxman to oppose #SOPA/#PIPA - Join me! tinyurl.com/7vq4o8g #wikipediablackoutRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

19 Jan


No Internet today so I'm just gonna solve that head in a bag thing...instagr.am/p/iaI12/

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19 Jan

Funny Or Die @funnyordie Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Blacking out in a bar right now to protest #SOPA.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

19 Jan


"Yeah, that's my bitch!" -Kanye West at the dog park

19 Jan


Do we all agree that the kid who filmed the plastic bag in American Beauty was the original hipster?

19 Jan


The amount of unanswered questions that are piling up in a few hours without Wikipedia is fucking terrifying. #StopSOPARetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

18 Jan


Swedish Fish Mafia

18 Jan


Today is so saggy

18 Jan


Sometimes I feel like the sunlight is just laughing in my face.

17 Jan

Sam Murkofsky @samueledward Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

10 things to make your trip to LA worth while - 10 things to make your trip to LA worth while. Be HAM. Your... tmblr.co/ZdpmEyEtlWTJRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

17 Jan


Pizza and wings go together like weed and I completely forgot what I was saying two seconds ago.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

17 Jan


Gonna go out on a limb and say the guy in the teal Lambo did a lot of coke in the 80s instagr.am/p/h1C2C/

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17 Jan


Bumpin this all day. RT @PigsAndPlans: Azealia Banks x Machinedrum - "NEEDSUMLUV" tinyurl.com/7l5qjh5

17 Jan


"You know I forget names, faces, and parties but I NEVER forget a good turkey sandwich." -Martin Luther King Jr.

17 Jan


So heres the deal, you, me, @Harrietmusic at The Satellite tonight. 9pm. It's free and it's MLK day so if you dont come thats just racist...

16 Jan

Rihanna @rihanna Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Kush rolled, glass full...I prefer the better things!Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

16 Jan

Neal Brennan @nealbrennan Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

In honor of MLK, tomorrow black ppl are allowed to tell white ppl long-winded details about whatever they dream tonight.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

16 Jan


It's nice to finally see Meryl Streep get recognized.

16 Jan


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenThomas Janes hat.

16 Jan

Jessica Amento @JessicaAmento Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Song of the day: Pursuit Of Happiness by @lissiemusicyoutube.com/watch?v=PQMJCO…Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes? View video

16 Jan


The problem with iced coffee is nothing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with iced coffee.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

16 Jan


Aqua Teen I got stoned at lunch Force. You know?pic.twitter.com/oCVtR1Mb

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16 Jan


When you're told you ended the night speaking in the 3rd person you did something right.

16 Jan


Nicole Kidman looks like she eats a lot of carrots

15 Jan


Deep thoughts with James Franco instagr.am/p/hXOyl/

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15 Jan


*@theknocks RT “@JessicaAmento: You're the only one who can keep me dancing - @thekooks instagr.am/p/hU9NY/

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15 Jan


Magic! @theknocks slaying the west coast. instagr.am/p/hU4lq/

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15 Jan


My shadow look SO skinny tonight

15 Jan


The only thing better than finding money in an old pair of jeans is finding drugs.

15 Jan


Its cold in here. Hold me. RT @shenaeSG: @JennsDrunk and I may or may not be in the back of this truck...good idea?yfrog.com/mgewugbj

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15 Jan


There's nothing more depressing than a picture of a hideous engagement ring on Facebook.

15 Jan

B-Roc @djbroc Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

To all my friends JUST asking me if we're playin in LA. Yes. We are. 11pm at The Satellite in Silverlake !Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

15 Jan


Walkin around lookin like Vivian Ward today. #cindafuckinrella

15 Jan


This shirt gets it. instagr.am/p/hIF_v/

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15 Jan


So I'm just gonna hop on this truck... instagr.am/p/hHjFu/

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14 Jan


Ugh, just meet me at Beatrice

14 Jan


To be young, is to be sad, is to be high. instagr.am/p/g8Ree/

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13 Jan

Ben Schwartz @rejectedjokes Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

There's no way sheep's clothing would even fit on a wolf. It'd be way too baggy.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

14 Jan


Paula Deen has type 2 diabetes. In other news, Lindsay Lohan does coke a lot and Brad Pitt gets better looking with age.

14 Jan


@rillawafers Kurt Loder

In reply to Darryl Gudmundson

14 Jan


@rillawafers you can't trust a guy with a cat. ever.


14 Jan


Coachella week 1 should be for California residents and out of state celebrities.

14 Jan


Funniest video I've seen in a long time that doesnt have to do with Mexicans dropping a human heart out of a cooler.youtube.com/watch?v=bbYKiZ…

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14 Jan


I'd be worried about not getting a weekend 1 Coachella ticket but I have really big boobs so....

14 Jan


Time to play, ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT CLIP OR ACTUAL NEWS STORY! huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/12/med…

13 Jan


neverLAnd instagr.am/p/gl7Za/

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12 Jan


@DJSamFrench oh my goss

In reply to Sam French

12 Jan


MAKE A VIDEO! GET WEIRD! @theknocksamoctone.com/theknocks/royl/

12 Jan

loudie @loudieapp Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

LCD Soundsystem says farewell with Sundance entry ‘Shut Up and Play the Hits’ — EXCLUSIVE TRAILER |. fb.me/XJYeNHBbRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

12 Jan


What are the rules with taking molly and going to see a movie?insidemovies.ew.com/2012/01/11/lcd…

11 Jan


No one hates Meta World Peace more than the announcer that has to say Meta World Peace every time he scores #Lakers

11 Jan


Siri is about as helpful as a drunk girl at 3 am

10 Jan


@supergoodrca @FierMe @sho4sho bitch please #Jensandtheryan

In reply to Festival Ryan

10 Jan


@sho4sho @supergoodrca hahahahah

In reply to jsho

10 Jan


@djbroc hahahahaha

In reply to B-Roc

10 Jan


Coachella's gonna break twitter.

10 Jan


Explosions in the Sky at Coachella is the closest thing were gonna get to a 6th season of Friday Night Lights#ClearEyesFullHeartsGimmeMolly

10 Jan


Correction, the only downside about @coachella this year is the@coachella lineup I'm seeing.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

10 Jan


NO R. Kelly again! coachella is bullshitRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

10 Jan


If Blue Ivy Hova Beyonce Knowles Carter isn't headlining Coachella then I'm not going.

10 Jan


Ugh, I wish you could Yelp people.

10 Jan


Eiffel 65's google alerts are probably going crazy right now. #ImBlue

9 Jan


Today I feel like Jack Nicholson looks in The Departed.

9 Jan


Lindsay Lohan got "Live Without Regrets" tattooed on her hand. Which proves that sometimes the story is also the joke.

9 Jan


Oh this isn't the Jean-Ralphio show? Never mind then.

8 Jan


Feel like a bald man in a minivan on a tuesday.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

8 Jan


I'm so vain I think literally every song is about me.

8 Jan


With regret. RT @moome74: @JennsDrunk are you pregnant?

5 Jan

Leigh Whannell @LWhannell Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Shout @kanyewest last 40 tweets to yourself over loud music & you'll know exactly what its like to do coke with him in a toilet stall at 4amRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

8 Jan


Nope. instagr.am/p/fLGcM/

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6 Jan


A film blog to live by RT @NoahHarald My top films of 2011:nhreviews.tumblr.comRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes? In reply to Noah Harald

8 Jan


@sho4sho and I will 100 percent throw up rose if I come to cycle house. So yeah ill be there.

In reply to jsho

8 Jan


@sho4sho STOP YELLiNG

In reply to jsho

8 Jan


No ones up yet to talk about how shitty I feel right now.

7 Jan


@sherbysays who let the dogs out?


7 Jan


Omg it's Friday. Fuck.

7 Jan


Can everyone please just follow himRT @MikeJonesNYC: So we're all on the same page that blackberry's are for Dominican teenagers now, right?

7 Jan


@CoryBrun you're lying!

In reply to Cory (B) Brunwasser

7 Jan


"My favorite movie is, you guessed it, Furry Vengeance." -@aparkhillside tinyurl.com/74rc87n

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6 Jan


Just found out there's a guy named D'brickashaw Ferguson. You guys...D'BRICKASHAW FERGUSON?!

20 Dec


Psyched Kim Jong-Il died, because I had literally NO IDEA what to buy him for Christmas this year.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

6 Jan


I'm the age Blink 182 is singing about in "What's My Age Again?". Ugh. #NobodyLikesYouWhenYoure23

6 Jan


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenGood morning! instagr.am/p/epTwv/

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6 Jan


If you don't remember videos premiering on TRL you're too young to ride this ride.

4 Jan


Tracey Sproul! You old so and so RT @TraceySproul: @JennsDrunkand I add drinking Chardonnay--that IS namaste.

4 Jan


Sitting down and watching tv in yoga pants and going to yoga are the same thing, right?

4 Jan


@ETodes preach girl

In reply to E.Todes

3 Jan


For eh ver RT @sherbysays: Biggest regret of 2011? Not seeing lion king 3d in theatres. Shits gonna haunt me forever.

1 Jan


If you're thinking to yourself, "this is my year" it isn't. #2012Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

1 Jan


This. RT @rillawafers: Ladies, if there's one thing everyone is going to remember from this New Years Eve, it's your outfit and shoes.

1 Jan


If you live in New York City and wanna see what the weird kid from Hebrew School is up to, he's at Madison Square Garden. #phish

1 Jan

Jake Sandvig @jakesandvig Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

REMINDER: AAA Tipsy Tow at 1-800-222-4537. They will take your drunk self, drunk friends, and drunk car home for FREE. Get weird, be safe!!Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

1 Jan


No drinking and driving! AAA Tipsy Tow at 1-800-222-4537. They'll take you home, tuck you in and leave Tylenol and water by your pillow!

31 Dec


@DJSamFrench #countrygrammar


31 Dec


Nothing like a good old fashion bitch-fest: celeb divorce edition. Cc:@supergoodrca @katyperry @rustyrockets instagr.am/p/c_y1o/

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30 Dec


@skeetonmytwitts ugh I'm the worst #missyoueveryday

In reply to Skeet Skeet

30 Dec


@DJSamFrench @skeetonmytwitts hey guys whatcha talkin bout?


30 Dec


@D_Wied that's really dark

In reply to Dan Wiedenhaupt

30 Dec


Video: Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt Perform "What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?" tinyurl.com/cxx8rsdRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

23 Dec

Stereogum @stereogum Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

The 50 Most Anticipated Albums Of 2012 tinyurl.com/7xow225Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

29 Dec


#TexasForever RT @DavidTheHater: "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't shit." (Coach Taylor without his morning coffee)

29 Dec


Voice of Hope instagr.am/p/cb2Iw/

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29 Dec


RT @randykachel: "What's the matter with your car?" "Oh, we're Jewish / Jewish / Gay / Stoned"

28 Dec


Kids today are not gonna know about Missy Elliot and that's a fucking problem

28 Dec


The Motto instagr.am/p/cKgJd/

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28 Dec

rob delaney @robdelaney

Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenFormer SNL writer has allegedly killed himself. Read this piece if you're down. Suicide is a bad idea.robdelaney.tumblr.com/post/414007899…Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

28 Dec

Spinner.com @Spinner Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Harriet, 'I Slept With All Your Mothers' -- Free MP3 Download:aol.it/vqAHNXRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

27 Dec


#LohanForever get it trending

27 Dec


@RamseyKrull ...are you here?

In reply to Ramsey Krull

27 Dec


Requested @lindsaylohan "Rumors" AND "Over" on the jukebox. You're welcome people at Mt Chalet bar in Michigan. You are fucking welcome.

27 Dec


Shhhhhh instagr.am/p/cBLAq/

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27 Dec


I'm the LeBron James of crazy girlfriends. I'm good at it but I don't have a ring yet.

27 Dec


@supergoodrca instagr.am/p/b4-6j/

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26 Dec


*Clap clap* RT @DJSamFrench: If you're jewish and you know it clap your hands

26 Dec


Merry Christmas. This dog judges you. instagr.am/p/bh8M1/

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25 Dec


Pure Michigan. Pure Christmas. @davidthehater's photoinstagr.am/p/bG0Mg/

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25 Dec


Has anyone approached the Winklevoss twins about a Botox line? Wrinklevoss?

25 Dec


Cowboys n Aliens shouldve been called Abduction, Abduction shouldve been called One Day, n One Day shouldve been called Yeah were gonna pass

25 Dec


This is amazing RT @klacupcake I see ur BFs mom and raise you: my boyfriend AND my mom without me, in the car, listening to the audio book.

25 Dec


Nothing stays Merry Christmas like a 5 minute anal rape scene. Thanks David Fincher!

24 Dec


The legal kind of white Christmas instagr.am/p/bFu3J/

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24 Dec


I see your mom and raise you my boyfriends mom RT @D_WiedWatching graphic rape scenes w ur mom is totally not awkward at all#dragontattoo

24 Dec


@SharksEatCats This comment is so gross I had to just say it to you...most girls know about that once a month

In reply to SharksEatCats

23 Dec


Harry Potter loves the club. It's his favorite. instagr.am/p/a28N2/

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23 Dec


Oh your Golden Retrievers not a hat model? Weird.instagr.am/p/a26J5/

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23 Dec


So in case you were wondering, yes, Swedish Fish Vodka is a thinginstagr.am/p/ayblC/

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23 Dec


@D_Wied me! Me!


22 Dec


RT @DJSamFrench: I'm really not feeling anyone who isn't feeling me feel myself

22 Dec


The Jewish kids asking random Jews to buy Hanukah candy didn't approach me. Good job Dr. Goldfarb! #nosejob

22 Dec


@rillawafers @d_wied the proudest


22 Dec


@D_Wied ugh you're such a bitch this morning I love it


21 Dec


There is no one more mature than the man who can hear a fart and not even crack a smile.

21 Dec


This is one of the most beautiful jokes ive ever read. RT @sho4sho: A handicap sticker and a celebrity friend are basically the same thing

21 Dec


I have never done coke off my baby RT @ETodes lookin at u@jennsdrunk RT @huffingtonpost Cocaine found on 9/10 public baby changing tables

21 Dec


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenIt's almost 2012. We should be able to italicize, bold, and underline on twittter.

21 Dec


HBO cancelled How To Make It In America! Hanukah Harry got my emails!!!!!

21 Dec


@supergoodrca @jonwilson_ new girl isn't on til next year. Sorry Ryan. You're welcome Jon.


20 Dec


Has anyone ever played with a dreidel made out of clay? I call bullshit on that song.

20 Dec


@JessicaAmento Dave's house in Michigan. Get on the next flight out well pick you up at the airport.

In reply to Jessica Amento

20 Dec


Whatchu know about diabetes? instagr.am/p/aMHwx/

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20 Dec


@DJSamFrench Rt @pmablog: New: Azealia Banks – “Liquorice”ow.ly/84lok

20 Dec


Video: LCD Soundsystem - "Live Alone (Franz Ferdinand Cover)"tinyurl.com/825vvo3Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

20 Dec


Great list. RT @PigsAndPlans: P&P's Best Albums Of The Year 2011tinyurl.com/86l5tmd

19 Dec


This fuckin guy... instagr.am/p/aCeqf/

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18 Dec


Can you handle all this goyim? @davidthehater's annual smile!instagr.am/p/Zx8fQ/

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18 Dec


RT @kanyewest: In my perfect world, every girl gets married in Givenchy couture pic.twitter.com/oPJZKQmK

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18 Dec


Sometimes I feel like people don't even consider my schedule when they get into car accidents. (via @michaelianblack)Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

17 Dec


Its that thing where he's so hood you don't know if he's Jewish or if he's Mexican...

17 Dec


Raising the roof is just 90s fist pumping

17 Dec


Ohhhhh shit it's @supergoodrca's birthday. Turn up the Katy Perry and bust out the glitter bitches.

17 Dec


Hi LA there's a sobriety check point going east on sunset between fairfax and la brea. Good luck!

16 Dec


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenWatch The Throne instagr.am/p/ZY0ef/

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16 Dec


Check therealreal.com tomorrow morn for first dibs on pieces from celebs' personal wardrobes, spend your dollars for a good cause!! XXRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

14 Dec


Rocking my @noisegirl like nobodies business. Best gift ever.Www.noisegirl.com you know you want one instagr.am/p/ZA5NW/

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13 Dec


Does anyone want to talk about last nights Boardwalk Empire with me?

13 Dec


My studies have concluded that Shaniqua was in fact, the first victim of the housing crisis. #DontLiveHereNoMoRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

13 Dec


@ETodes I'm in michigan on the 17th. Let's kill that mockingbird. Or maybe just hurt it badly I feel terrible killing a bird.

In reply to E.Todes

13 Dec

prettymuchamazing @pmablog Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Video: Robyn Performs on SNL ow.ly/7WSlyRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

12 Dec


Mumford & Sons. Slaying. instagr.am/p/YtWTS/

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12 Dec


Everlasting Light with my everlasting light @davidthehaterinstagr.am/p/YtUFA/

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12 Dec


Death Cab For Christmukkah! Living the Seth Cohen dreaminstagr.am/p/YssL9/

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12 Dec


Where are your jens tonight? instagr.am/p/YsXNv/

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12 Dec


Beautiful Florence instagr.am/p/YshRI/

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9 Dec


Beautiful!!! RT @PigsAndPlans: P&P Got A Redesign! Check us out.tinyurl.com/d435eav

9 Dec


@sherbysays vail


7 Dec


*weed RT @DavidaBWilliams: Anyone else in silverlake ever notice it reeks of skunk every night?

3 Dec


I love this RT @shenaeSG: Good tip. I'll let the writers know :) RT "@ReezzBreezy: @shenaeSG i really dislike you. 90210 should cut you out.

3 Dec


#FF the hotttttness that is @Harrietmusic.

1 Dec

Harriet @Harrietmusic Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Check out our new single and the write up on Paste!pastemagazine.com/blogs/av/2011/… #isleptwithallyourmothersRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

29 Nov


@supergoodrca whats the answer?


28 Nov


Oh you don't mid-day hibachi? instagr.am/p/WOBKe/

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28 Nov


Made this new winter Spotify playlist for your fireplace cuddling and hot toddy sipping open.spotify.com/user/125419609…Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

27 Nov


I still can't believe Rihanna found love in Detroit. #hopelessplaceRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

20 Nov

kelly oxford @kellyoxford Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

I would give Drake 1 million dollars if he shot his next video as Wheelchair Jimmy.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

26 Nov


@IamAlexWinston hayyy pic.twitter.com/RGpIHeof

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26 Nov


Video: Florence & The Machine Covers Drake's "Take Care"tinyurl.com/78f4krvRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

24 Nov


If you need a new mix to keep you company during your holiday travels, check the one we made. j.mp/tsVjIIRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

23 Nov


Its that thing when you eat all the Salami and everyones like hey! who ate all the Salami and you say I dont kno and then run away to mexico

19 Nov


If someone presented me with a key to their city the first thing I would do is a bump with it. Just saying.

18 Nov


Black and yellow instagr.am/p/UoEuO/

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17 Nov


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenOh haaaaay NY thanks for being so gross right now.

14 Nov


Do not update to ios 5.0.1! God damnit whoever is in charge of apple now. Tim whatshisface. Ugh.

14 Nov


Is anyone elses iPhone not working? Can someone come fix mine?

14 Nov


These Lord Of The Rings guys seem like they're going through an awful lot of trouble for a piece of vintage jewelry.

11 Nov


Mom asked what I want for Hanukkah I said baked ziti. You feel me@sherbysays

10 Nov


Lana Del Reys face looks like if you took scrambled eggs to a MAC cosmetics store.

9 Nov


Remember that song hey there delilah? Fuck that song.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

9 Nov


rage rage rage rage drake rage “@supergoodrca: this new drake and rihanna song + @JennsDrunk + me + 10 days from now = rage”

8 Nov


"@DJSamFrench: Shameless self promotion is the new black www.djsamfrench.com plz RT!"Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

8 Nov


Katy Perry at MSG on the 16th?! Who's coming with me/sneaking me in?

7 Nov


Happy BIRTHDAY!!!! Wooo!!! RT @puerto_ricaaaaa: @JennsDrunkIT'S MY 18th BIRTHDAYYYY ID LOVE FOR YOU TO ACKNOWLEDGE MEEE. PLEASE!!!”

6 Nov


Not here for a long time, here for a good time. instagr.am/p/S-bgp/

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5 Nov


Do I have anxiety because I'm Jewish Or am I Jewish cause I have anxiety? #questionsonweed

3 Nov


Youth Lagoon at The Echo instagr.am/p/SijLS/

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3 Nov


Nothing feels safer than being the sole girl in a rousing 5 bro conversation about gang bangs

2 Nov


When sex offenders register, do you think they read all the Terms of Agreement or just click Agree?Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

2 Nov


Nothing worse than thinking of an awesome Halloween costume...today. Ugh.

2 Nov


Kim Kardashian. (that's the whole joke)

2 Nov


I can't believe no girls went as Black Swan for Hallo- wait.

1 Nov


*them coke RT @DJSamFrench: "I would like to make a difference in people's lives" "and I would like to buy them all coke"

31 Oct

Dj Klutch @djklutch Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Hey @parishilton djing wont revive your career but making a sex tape with 2 black dudes and calling it "Niggas In Paris" might#YourWelcomeRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

31 Oct


A "baby bump" is a tiny pile of cocaine, right?Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

30 Oct


Ugh, the amount of times I've had to clarify this... RT@ZacharyQuinto update: not my pants. not my house.

29 Oct


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenHey, where's Freddie Prinze Jr? Im getting a little worried. I don't know what he did the past like, 10 summers...

27 Oct


RT: @DavidTheHater: Chicken & Waffles - White People Remix.#freerange #glutenfree yfrog.com/kg80btqj

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25 Oct


The most beautiful @yunamusic at Bardot pic.twitter.com/FWxk6cjx

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25 Oct


The kid from Jerry Maguire is 21... #killyourselfRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

25 Oct


Wishing a very happy birthday to the girl who taught me how to Dougie @shenaeSG! I love you, hoe

25 Oct


15 Signs Improved by Hilarious Graffiti ow.ly/77jsQRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

25 Oct


Who wants to see @YunaMusic with me tonight at Bardot?! Win tickets here: bit.ly/nWFHzI

24 Oct


@clarkduke why about illegal drug sales

In reply to Clark Duke

23 Oct


If you have your cake and don't eat it, you don't deserve cake.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

23 Oct


Where the meth at? pic.twitter.com/YxN3AU3b

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23 Oct


I call this "baby on a coke plate" instagr.am/p/REUN5/

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22 Oct


We fell in love in a hopeless place

21 Oct


@DJSamFrench oh captain my captain


21 Oct


There really aren't enough impromptu musical numbers in movies these days

21 Oct


Hocus Pocus is on ABC Family right now. You're welcome.

21 Oct


RT @DavidTheHater I may know nothing of his presidency or his politics, but I do know that 3 Jacksons = 1 Bag of decent weed.#publicschool

21 Oct


All this Gaddafi reporting would really ruin my day if the only news I watched wasn't on E!

20 Oct


@clarkduke your picture is going to haunt my dreams tonight


20 Oct


Does anyone know what that show Revenge is about?

20 Oct


@clarkduke no. You're lying. I'm gonna check you into chilli johns rehab.


20 Oct


We fell in love in a hopeless place... idolator.com/6049761/rihann…

19 Oct


Ladies, it's a thin line you walk between sexy hipster and disgruntled lesbian. Know that.

19 Oct


There was a point earlier when I wasnt sure but now I can say with absolute certainty that ima get tacos before I go home to watch Ringer

19 Oct


HEY! EVERYONE! Tonight at Hotel Cafe is @communionmusic! Go and support and drink and dance! BEST TIME EVER!communionmusic.co.uk/2011/09/commun…

19 Oct


Great video. Great song. Great director (@jonny_haus) Great band -@PAPATHEBAND "I Am The Lion King" vimeo.com/30029617

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19 Oct

Ashley Greene @AshleyMGreene Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

So honored to be on the November cover of @Allure_magazine, on stands now! Check out a preview here: allure.com/allure-magazine!Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

19 Oct


Are You Happy Now music video now on Youtube! Check out my directorial debut of @megandliz and help #stepuptobullying by sharing w friends!XRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

18 Oct


So im alone drinking a nice merlot listening to R Kelly? So what?

18 Oct


It's that time after you take the Xanax before you finish the glass of wine that's the most special for me

18 Oct


Love Story instagr.am/p/QkO61/

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17 Oct


Sometimes you need to take yourself to that ghetto university.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

17 Oct


Just posted a photo instagr.am/p/QdYqx/

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16 Oct


Rich as shit. RT @clarkduke: Day two of my all honeybaked ham diet. The massage helped with digestion #tipyourmasseuse

16 Oct


Wooooah is anyone else watching @drake on snl?!?! No? Everyone else is out on a sat night? Oh. Cool. Also, did he juat say the n word?

16 Oct


Ugh whatever Siri no one likes a know it all

16 Oct


Ha! “@bieber_fanatics: Update: Confessions with justin bieber LOL!!: International twitter phenom @JennsDrunk sits... bit.ly/rp8w5p”

16 Oct


Step 1: get really high Step 2: go the mall food court unsupervised Step 3: Treat yo self

16 Oct


I've cried in 3 different att stores in the past day and a half.

16 Oct


I can't bring myself to give up my Blackberry. I'm having a meltdown. It's not okay. I'm not okay. Help?!

15 Oct


Probably sucks for that one girl named Siri right now

15 Oct


@MikeJonesNYC I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

In reply to Michael Jones

15 Oct


Just went from reading @drake to @officialkat to @chadmmurray in under a minute. I think I really need a day job.

14 Oct


I forgot the young hollywood party was a bar mitzvah. @JennsDrunkmazel. twitpic.com/700egpRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes? View photo

10 Oct


RT @rickygervais: I'm sure you've seen this photo before but it is one of my favourite TV moments if all time yfrog.com/nzkfgozj

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10 Oct


@DJSamFrench ummmmmm thanks to who?


9 Oct


"Treat me like a gun and ill blow your mind"

9 Oct


When the music is good you don't need the drugs, but its more fun if you got em.

9 Oct


RT @rickygervais Had an idea for celebrity big brother. Leave them in there for months n when they come out let them know it wasnt televised

7 Oct


Lost/stolen phone. If you need me...find my phone?

7 Oct


RT @funnyordie: This dog is afraid of Julia Roberts:http://ow.ly/6PuPz

6 Oct


@SharksEatCats are you watching American Horror Story?


6 Oct


6 Oct


The little apple on my Macbook is forever glowing bright for you.#RIPSteveJobs

6 Oct


RT @FierMe: "Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

6 Oct


RT @QuesoCabesaKT4: "Sometimes life is going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith." -Steve Jobs

6 Oct


Perfection. RT @NikkiFinke: Lifetime Greenlights Movie About Mental Illness Starring & Produced By Kristin Davis dlvr.it/pTl6K

6 Oct


If only Tara Reid were the same RT @supergoodrca: weebles wobble but they don't fall down. it's crazy.

5 Oct


RT @supergoodrca: to the woman on the subway with a fake cane, I see you and yo fake cane. you ain't gettin' my seat, keep on walkin.

5 Oct


If you ever say anything like this again ill unfollow you. RT@JessicaAmento Got my @rzrachelzoe sequin dolman sleeve top Im ZOE excited!!

4 Oct


I'm glad they let Hayden Panettiere out of jail.

4 Oct


RT @PigsAndPlans: Video: Florence and The Machine - "Shake It Out" tinyurl.com/68p4awz

4 Oct


RT @thesulk: I'm allergic to photos of your cat.

3 Oct


Preach RT @sherbysays: Nothing doesnt taste as good as fat feels.

3 Oct


Yesyesyesyes RT @NikkiFinke: More Talk Of ‘Arrested Development’ Return, This Time As Movie AND Limited Series dlvr.it/p2l0V

3 Oct


Amanda Bynes is a beautiful butterfly of a human being.say.ly/dngLIX

3 Oct


Amanda Bynes is writing a book. The Mayans were right, the world is absolutely ending.

3 Oct


The name of the season premiere of How To Make It In America is exactly how I feel about the show..."I'm Good"

2 Oct


RT @PigsAndPlans: Hear Bon Iver cover Bob Dylan bit.ly/mPbwKx

2 Oct


RT @DavidTheHater: I can't believe they gave that skeleton from Craig Ferguson a show. #Whitney

1 Oct


A week deep into Demi Lovato's tweets at 10 on a Friday cause that's how I party. Faced.

1 Oct


RT @ddlovato: Just saw contagion. Props to that one actor that coughed a lot.......

1 Oct


Best place to get bbq in west hollywood/la? GO!

1 Oct


What time does our jet leave? RT @QuesoCabesaKT4: I wanna goooooo!!!! :) RT @AshleyMGreene It's a beautiful day in NYC! :)

30 Sep


Just found the most amaaaazing video of @shenaeSG when she was a baby! youtube.com/watch?v=GaArRv…

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30 Sep


Just pre-ordered the new Nickelback album for @DavidTheHater. Not gonna get hit for the same thing twice.

30 Sep


@clarkduke saddondraper.tumblr.com - do yourself a favor and check that bad boy out.


29 Sep


RT @aaronkaczander: Manischewitz: The original purple drank.

29 Sep


I wish Rosh Hashanah was the holiday where everyone ate mozzarella sticks and watched Bridesmaids in sweat pants.

29 Sep


Happy Regular Normal Day to all the non Jews

28 Sep


Don't be a complete asshole, watch @carlychaikin's show Suburgatory on ABC at 830 tomorrow (weds) night! Yay!

28 Sep


I think ryan was thinking of himself... RT @QuesoCabesaKT4: They reported on @ryanseacrest this morning that Daniel Craig was 5'3" ...

27 Sep


Beautiful RT @PigsAndPlans: Death Songs - "Ophelia"tinyurl.com/3tqho3y

26 Sep


In my mind this place is owned by hipsters from the LES.#maaaadgreek lockerz.com/s/141973039

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26 Sep


Waking up in Vegas hungover and my friends missing. Where have I heard this story before?

26 Sep


@quesocabesakt4 WAKE UP!

25 Sep


Loves! RT @QuesoCabesaKT4 Had the most amazing weekend with@JennsDrunk @darrencriss @AshleyMGreene !!! Love my friends

25 Sep


Whatever so I had the security at the hotel find my Demi Lovato cd and bring it to my room at 5am. So what?

25 Sep


iHeartFriends at #iheartradio @AshleyMGreene @quesocabesakt4lockerz.com/s/141798830

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25 Sep


Fist pumping while @mtvdjpaulyd spins No Americano #bucketlist

25 Sep


Nikki Minaj just requested everyone put their number 2's in the air if they wanna shit on the haters. Think abouut it. Yes, yes there it is.

25 Sep


You know what? Kate Winslet couldve shared that piece of wood with Leonardo DiCaprio.

25 Sep


What kind of night someone has is directly proportionate to the amount of stamps and wristbands on their arm #vegas

24 Sep


RT @funnyordie: The world would be a better place if everyone could shut the fuck up & take a joke. In that order.

24 Sep


But where's bruno mars?

24 Sep


Jaydiohead live?! Jaydiohead live! #iheartradio

24 Sep


Everybody say yaaaaaaaaaaaaaa lockerz.com/s/141459023

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24 Sep


And just to clarify that last tweet wasn't a #humblebrag I was just straight out bragging. #aliciakeyshasntlostallthebabyweight

24 Sep


The VIP area food spread and my grandparents boca country club sunday buffet are literally identical #iheartradio#roastbeefcarvingstation

24 Sep


"Fix You", to me, will forever be called "The song they played on the OC when Caleb Nichol falls in the pool and dies" #iheartradio

24 Sep


In a twist everyone expected all of the sluttiest girls and oldest dudes are now on their feet for Jane's Addiction. #iheartradio

24 Sep


I'm not saying Carrie Underwood looks pregnant but I'm not not saying Carrie Underwood looks pregnant. #iheartradio

24 Sep


Yup. #iheartradio RT @BestPersonUKnow: @JennsDrunk A large joint next to me just lit up a fat Asian man!

24 Sep


Bruno Mars is playing Valerie. Woof. #iheartradio

24 Sep


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenThe large asian man in a suit next to me just lit up a fat joint.#iheartradio

22 Sep


@sherbysays my favorite part of the movie. That weird low to high augh thing she does. Sooooo under appreciated.


22 Sep


I constantly have no idea what happened to all my money?!

22 Sep


Just tried to win an argument by citing information I got from Lindsay Lohan RTing Kim Kardashian. Long story short I did not win.

22 Sep


What a hilarious sentence. RT @NikkiFinke: NBC Buys Family Comedy Project Produced By John Legend dlvr.it/mTHP1

22 Sep


"Triple chai on black" - orthodox jew with a gambling problem

20 Sep


I think I'm going to start walking up to anyone with a beard and wishing them good luck tonight.

20 Sep


To enter the Bon Eevarhrh show you must have one of the following: beard, glasses, and/or flannel.

20 Sep


If you're going to Bon Iver tonight and you find yourself next to a small brunette weeping uncontrollably, just ignore me.

20 Sep


RT @DavidTheHater: Going to the Bon Iver show tonight, just so I can listen to hipsters argue about how to pronounce "Bon Iver."#raybans

19 Sep


I would have bet money that "Moneyball" was a documentary about Lance Armstrong.

17 Sep


RT @funnyordie: RT if you're going to live forever & also love chicken fingers

16 Sep


If u cant stand the heat get the fuck out the kitchen. Unless ur kitchen has air conditioning. Then you should probably just see a doctor?

16 Sep


Whats a good blog for emo music?

15 Sep


Trippy. As. Fuck. #imold? lockerz.com/s/138739658

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15 Sep


RT @sherbysays: Just saw a woman with a beard. #9000points

14 Sep


It's always darkest before the dawn! "Shake It Out" - Florence + The Machine tinyurl.com/6kjoj2h

14 Sep


Ugh @shenaeSG your eyebrows look so good on tonights episode. Hate you. Jk love you. Jk kinda hate you.

13 Sep


@NoahHarald I ask myself that question no less than 6 times a day. Wait for it- I just asked and I dont know. Let's make some fuckin videos.

In reply to Noah Harald

13 Sep


RT @funnyordie: We're excited to announce we now have streaming podcasts! Here's a brand new one with Zach Galifianakis:http://ow.ly/6shi4

12 Sep


It really doesn't get better than this. @sho4sho @FierMe #theJENSlockerz.com/s/138053095

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12 Sep


I'm gonna record an album and title it "unreadable" so when people put it in to play it they get very confused.

11 Sep


RT @funnyordie: Big shout out to weird choices and regret.

11 Sep


When someone great is gone...

11 Sep


Next time you feel your day isn't exciting enough go to any public place and start screaming THOMAS J CANT SEE WITHOUT HIS GLASSES! #mygirl

10 Sep


Hero. RT @NikkiFinke: Ricky Gervais To Live-Snark Golden Globesdlvr.it/kttVB

10 Sep


RT @thesulk: I wonder if my dead Nana knows I use her silver to scrape all the queso out of the jar when I'm stoned.

10 Sep


Wait. I got too excited. This is the toothbrush.lockerz.com/s/137281906

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10 Sep


Whatchu doin at Walgreens, duck? lockerz.com/s/137277603

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10 Sep


Omgomgomgomg JUSTIN BIEBER SINGING TOOTHBRUSH!lockerz.com/s/137276124

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10 Sep


lockerz.com/s/137251988 Hey guys! Here's a pic of me in vintage YSL from last nights fashion night out! So ... tmi.me/fLmrR

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9 Sep


That commercial where 1 cinnamon toast crunch eats another cinnamon toast crunch...thats cinnamon toast cunchabalism, no?#useewhatididthere

8 Sep


How does Newt Gingrich have time to run for President and work for Santa Claus?

8 Sep


Ugh, those knocks guys again??? RT @loudieapp: POPSHOP RADIO 009 (MIXED BY THE KNOCKS) fb.me/14YyT1OP9

8 Sep


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenRT @DavidTheHater: I feel about as useful as a land-line. #being25

7 Sep


Spiders have eight legs. Eight fucking legs. Legs. Eight of them. Think about. (But for sure smoke weed first)

7 Sep


And not showering RT @loudieapp: Dave at the Gorge, Phish in Colorado, Pearl Jam's PJ20 @ Alpine Valley. Great Weekend for music.

6 Sep


RT @DavidTheHater: "Cup the balls and work the shaft." (Cliff notes to every Cosmo ever.)

6 Sep


I don't like saying my period is irregular I prefer the term menstrual retardation. #periodtweet

3 Sep


Gossip blogger. Duh. RT @SharksEatCats: Is there a way to get paid for eavesdropping cause I want in.

3 Sep


RT @loudieapp: MP3: Tokyo Police Club - "All My Friends" (LCD Soundsystem Cover) fb.me/1bnUeBfdC

3 Sep


RT @aaronkaczander: Farting is like saving your poop as a draft.

2 Sep


@humblebrag RT @carlychaikin: I'm pretty sure there's no way to do an interview without walking away feeling dumb...

2 Sep


Theres a brown out cause of the heat. In related news if ur over the age 18 and can read/say brown out w/o laughing, congrats! Ur an adult.

30 Aug


Happy Birthday to my love @DavidTheHater! The ying to my yang! The cookie to my milk! The penis to my vagina!

30 Aug


RT @DavidTheHater: The "vodka in a water bottle" technique is cool, but I pioneered the "rose champagne in a kombucha bottle".#makingmoves

29 Aug


I prefer to watch Titantic when its on TV with commercials so I can waste as much of my day as possible #hurricanirene

27 Aug


Guys! Pleeease support The HYouman Project! Buy a shirt and the proceeds go to helping cancer research! GoodHyouman.com! Do it!

27 Aug


If soup plantation only hired black people it would be a totally different restaurant.

27 Aug


@SharksEatCats which one?


27 Aug


I'm updating my formspring. Is that still a thing? Does anyone still like me? formspring.me/JennsDrunk

27 Aug


I bet someone's drunk wacky aunt is also called Hurricane Irene.

27 Aug


They have a noise when the baby pushes out whatever they push out and then it does a dance. THE BABY DOES A CELEBRATORY SHIT DANCE!

27 Aug


Has anyone seen the Luvs commercial where cartoon babies drop massive loads in their diapers and then are judged on the size of said loads?

27 Aug


Weezy's tear drop tattoo's aren't for murder he's just REALLY emo.youtube.com/watch?v=y8Gf4-…

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26 Aug


Where do I send my resume to be the new Apple CEO? Does anyone know? "Good with macs" is one of my skills so I'm pretty much a lock.

25 Aug


Whenever a stranger is nice to me for no reason I am immediately positive they're going to murder me.

25 Aug


RT @PigsAndPlans: Ryan Adams - "Lucky Now"tinyurl.com/3oa75wz

25 Aug


RT @loudieapp: Florence + The Machine - What The Water Gave Mefb.me/UR5RakZF

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25 Aug


RT @PigsAndPlans: James Blake & Bon Iver - "Fall Creek Boys Choir" tinyurl.com/3stgtce

25 Aug


Do u hate cancer? Do u like awesome comfy clothes? Go to www.goodhyouman.com and support The HYouman Project!! Now! Go! Fight Cancer! Do it!

23 Aug


Love is having someone who will eat the other half of your grilled cheese when you're too full so it doesn't go to waste.

23 Aug


Im sponsoring THE hYOUman PROJECT in support of patients w Leukemia and Lymphoma. visit - www.goodhyouman.com buy clothes and support!

23 Aug


I love Selena Gomez. There I said it. I feel better.

22 Aug


Aka the 1 that followed us to m cafe RT @shenaeSG Spotted:Andrea Zuckerman from orig 90210 aka grabrielle something aka the 1 that was 2 old

21 Aug


Fatty RT @AshleyMGreene: This chilly LA weather makes me want to put on a scarf and get a hot chocolate.

21 Aug


"Do you remember if I just took a xanax?" -me, to anyone, every night

21 Aug


I am and forever will be pro leotard.

20 Aug


Some girls need a dick in their mouth just so they'll stop talking

20 Aug


Whatever chad michael murray

20 Aug


The only thing stupider than getting your ear pierced on St Marks is getting a tattoo on Hollywood Blvd. #makingmommyproud

20 Aug


I wonder if anyone watches the new Tia & Tamara show besides me, tia, and tamara.

18 Aug


@supergoodrca to the left, to the left


18 Aug


If I marry a gay dude is that also gay marriage?

17 Aug


@TheRadler_ RT @djbroc: Can someone send me a spotify invite pleaaaaase? Djbroc at heavyrocmusic dot com k thx bai

16 Aug


But you played it, you played it, you played, you played me to the beat. #adele

16 Aug


Set Fire To The Rain lockerz.com/s/130073884

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16 Aug


RT @sho4sho: Get Jens to the Greek @JennsDrunk #Adeletwitpic.com/66tnch

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16 Aug


You know that thing when a stranger says hi very nicely and your first thought is go away I hate you? That.

16 Aug


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenHow come when a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys they call her a slut but when a guy does it he's gay

15 Aug


@supergoodrca black and yellow black and yellow


13 Aug


Nothing better than a drunk girl accidentally lighting her hair on fire

13 Aug


In case anyone's wondering, throwing money in the air is just as much fun as you'd think it would be. Maybe even more.#weatherreport

12 Aug


I guess I'm gettin high off my own supply

10 Aug


No, no, that's me. I am her. We are one. RT @zeeceeskie: Are you sure this isn't you, @JennsDrunk?25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln4xn1f…

7 Aug


RT @JessicaAmento: Shopping the @shenaesg hosted charity sale, Spread The Heart, at @RebeccaMinkoff! cc @MinketteMuse

7 Aug


Closet For A Cause! Be here! Confederacy 4661 hollywood blvd.http://lockerz.com/s/127217914

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6 Aug


While browsing the trending topic #chickswithgoldteeth i found@Lorraine_Star. Enjoy, America. Enjoy.

6 Aug


if anyone wants to hang out im watching mad men season 2 on netflix and throwing up kale. its whatever.

6 Aug


RT @aparkhillside: I hate myself for tweeting

6 Aug


RT @sherbysays: Too easy. RT @KimKardashian: Have u ever thought someone was kinda cool, then saw their tweets & realized they are so lame?

6 Aug


You say texting and driving can't be done. I say they said the same thing about a black president. #supnowOprah

5 Aug


Ill give all the money in my wallet AND a hug to the first person who brings me a small ice cream cake. Thanks.

31 Jul


Just Vernon "hazelton" #soemo RT @loudieapp: Whats the most played song in your itunes? You can see it if you go top played.

29 Jul


Party Buses look like Axe smells.

29 Jul


Rage all day. Rage all night.

29 Jul


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenNo one does a better, "sulk in the corner looking down at her phone til everyone says fine we can leave" like me. #WhoDatJAP

29 Jul


Going in the pool counts as cleaning your bathingsuit, right?

28 Jul


RT @diplo: Baby not yours

28 Jul


Laying on your back and rubbing your hand over your ribs when you're having a skinny day is so fulfilling

28 Jul


Do it!!! RT @JessicaAmento sign up for @thezoereport via this link and tell everyone you know to do the same!! Please RT bit.ly/q7qyoq

27 Jul


Nothing says parent of the year like screaming at your two year old to stand still while you spray tan them#ToddlersAndTiarasAndChildAbuse

26 Jul


The perfume section at CVS smells like 7th grade

26 Jul


Ew RT @shenaeSG: http://twitpic.com/5vtad4 - Thoughts on my hairstylist's new gym shoes? ...all I can think is oy!

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26 Jul


Oh god she farted. She just farted. It was awful. Thank god I'm about to see my therapist.

26 Jul


Sitting in my therapists waiting room w an old woman who is eating loose saltines out of her purse. This is a harsh glimpse into the future.

24 Jul


I can't figure out if I'm an adult dressed like a little kid or a little kid dressed like an adult.

23 Jul


Today I feel like a really nice car covered in bird shit.

22 Jul


To the assfucker dickface that found my wallet and decided stealing it would be better than being a decent human being, go fuck yourself.

22 Jul


A uterus is basically a baby purse.

22 Jul


The only reason I have a Google+ account is cause I don't know how to delete my Google+ account.

20 Jul


Tunezzzzzz RT @portugaltheman: Almost Top 10 on iTunes. t.co/nJzvD3O

19 Jul


I don't really feel like following this whole Rupurt Murdoch thing so ill just wait for the movie about it to come out.

19 Jul


Reply Retweet Favorite · Open@sherbysays chicken tendonitis


17 Jul


It makes me feel like I want to eat delivery chinese and bone RT@DJSamFrench: Justin timberlake and timbaland- "carry out" is kinda the jam

17 Jul


. @DavidTheHater and I just made, that's right MADE, Mint chocolate covered pretzel oreo ice cream. #suckitnerds

17 Jul


I wish there had been a class in elementary school called "Its all downhill from here" that taught me anxiety disorders and alcoholism

17 Jul


Guys! If you live in LA come to @shenaeSG's lovely event. All proceeds go to Japan Relief! Check it n RT tinyurl.com/3jbflkg#spreadtheheart

17 Jul


You come here RT @sho4sho: @JennsDrunk wanna watch tv at my apt?

17 Jul


Eating a chocolate covered pretzel directly after eating shredded cheese is not as gross as you'd think

17 Jul


Why would I go outside and enjoy this beautiful day when I can stay in my dark apt w the air on watching 30 rock n making microwave nachos..

17 Jul


One day I hope to be together enough to always know the answer to the question, where are my pants?

16 Jul


If you really think about it bellybuttons are insaaaane

16 Jul


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RT @NikkiFinke: TNT Cancels 'Men Of A Certain Age' http://dlvr.it/bL7XB

14 Jul


But what if I'm both?!?! What then sho4sho?!?!!!! RT @sho4sho: stop LOOKING awesome, and BE awesome

14 Jul


@DavidaBWilliams why don't you show up as my friend on spotify ugh

In reply to Davida Williams

8 Jul


I'm gonna take a pillow case and fill it with bars of soap and beat the shit out of you with it.

7 Jul


RT @PigsAndPlans: Mumford and Sons perform new song "Home" in studio http://bit.ly/nSw6yb

6 Jul


Yippe yi yippe yay RT @ElenaFranklin: Where have all the cowboys gone?

6 Jul


RT @thesulk: Reporter just said "the prestige and integrity of the state of Florida is at stake." So there's nothing at stake.

5 Jul


Just when I thought this day couldn't get better RT @pmablog: New Mumford & Sons – “Home” http://ow.ly/5wpqJ

5 Jul

Nathan A. Prater @NatePrater Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

☆┏┓┏┓☆╭━━┓☆╭━━╮ ☆ ☆┃┃┃┃☆┃╭━┛ ┃☆ ╭╮ ┃☆☆┃┃┃┃☆┃╰━╮ ☆┃┗┛┃☆ ☆┃┃┃┃☆╰━╮ ┃☆┃┏┓┃☆☆┃╰╯┃☆┏━╯ ┃☆┃┃┃┃☆ ☆╰━━╯☆┗━━╯ "☆┗┛┗┛☆Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

3 Jul


fuck you facebook dont tell me who to say happy birthday too

3 Jul


I have a dream that one day beyonce will cover mumford and sons and mumford and sons will cover beyonce. Boom.#martinlutherkingjrshit

3 Jul


You know what's sad, when it comes to bathing suits fat people just have no flattering options. #thereisaidit

3 Jul


Twist baby twist ta twist ta twist twist it. You better dip that thang.

3 Jul


Being in the middle of this beautiful nature really makes me realize how terrified I am of being in the middle of nature #jewish

30 Jun


turntable.fm/citiesofthepla… TUNEZ

29 Jun


I get that ur 8 but like get ur shit together and watch Seinfeld ur embarrassing urself with this Nickelodeon dribble #sittingonbabies

29 Jun


If you're babysitting and you take a nap while the kids playing wii that's cool, right? Like, that's still babysitting cause you're there.

26 Jun


#ughfierman

25 Jun


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenWho else was bummed this picture wasn't coke... RT @lindsaylohan: My fav snack! http://say.ly/LBzrDw

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25 Jun


Everyone should do themselves a favor and revisit "Let It Burn" by Usher today. You're welcome.

24 Jun


Oh wow this is so dark. RT @aaronkaczander: Mr. Dink probably tried to rape Doug a few times.

22 Jun


The first time I heard the song "Fix You" by Coldplay, Julie Cooper was diving in the pool to save Caleb Nichol #sethcohen

20 Jun


Let's be Spotify frienz! #gimmeyoplaylists RT @skeetonmytwitts: best day ever got a @spotify USA invite!

19 Jun


Such a beautiful thing. RT @LNAClothing HUGE ONLINE LNA SAMPLE SALE! Click here! lnaclothing.com/AllProducts.as…

18 Jun


Who wants to party? http://lockerz.com/s/111744710

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17 Jun


@RamonaMark see midnight in paris. Its SO good.

In reply to RamonaMark

16 Jun


Sexy Sax Guy. LIVE. #carelesswhisperhttp://lockerz.com/s/111137677

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16 Jun


Eddie Murphy is in the club drinking a Martinelli's apple juice from the glass apple shaped bottle. FOR. THE. WIN.

16 Jun


Shout out to @DavidTheHater on Broccoli RT @JennsDrunkSometimes I get a roasted turkey breast and then watch R Kelly Live in Oakland on BET

16 Jun


Sometimes I go get a roasted turkey breast and then watch R Kelly Live in Oakland on BET. Its whatever.

15 Jun


Is that Rachel Zoe? RT @KTDANZA: God I love West Hollywood....http://post.ly/2DFr1

15 Jun


Also, moms texting in general is like ugh no mom please stop lol does not mean lots of love

15 Jun


Moms sending winky faces when they text always feels so wrong.

14 Jun


Everyone. RT @carlychaikin: Uhhh who knew Vince Vaughn used to be such a babe!? #swingers

14 Jun


Woman next to me if I was taking a pill for my nerves. I smiled and replied, nope laxative.#getoutofmybusinessladywithfatarmsidontknowugh

14 Jun


Good for the Webby Awards for still trying to be a real thing.#webbyedtoes

14 Jun


What am I supposed to do? Conduct a one woman puppet show with the barf bags? (Would have done that anyway)

14 Jun


There are no personal TVs or wifi on my flight back to LA. I can even describe how robbed I feel. This is like, literally Nazi Germany.

14 Jun


"So scared of getting older. I'm only good at being young."

14 Jun


Does Bella have to be extra careful around Edward during her period?

14 Jun


Yeah judgmental face lady, I'm crying softly to myself while I listen to my iPod cause I have to go home today. Is that okay with you?

13 Jun


I love everything about this RT @DJSamFrench: #nowplaying with my penis

12 Jun


RT @sho4sho: DANGEROUS citronella candle from Bed & Bath! If you have one do not use it, please read this its important.tinyurl.com/3ue536y

11 Jun


Is hipster jungle fever rainforest fever?

11 Jun


If I were a drink I'd be this martini. Dirty, bitter, and larger on top than on bottom. #dirtyjenn http://lockerz.com/s/109512415

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10 Jun


Some girls mouth? RT @DJSamFrench: If there's a sink, a toilet, and a lock. Guess where I'm peeing.

10 Jun


That's an Obama quote, right?RT @sho4sho: @JennsDrunk hello mothafuckka hey hai how ya durin

10 Jun


I have decided it shall hence forth be known that if you're thin AND Asian your skinniness doesn't count

9 Jun


Jewin it up at the Post Office. It cost 7 dollars for 18 stamps I told the lady I just needed 3 she said cool that will be 7 dollars. Bitch.

9 Jun


Who wants to be my business partner in my "daddy issues fathers day cards" venture?

8 Jun


Happy birthday @TheRadler_! You used to be a golden girl cause ur blonde now you're one cause you is a saggy old bitch. Yay!

7 Jun


Cee lo looks like the mucus guy in the mucinex commercials#thevoice

6 Jun


Now that Bieber has earrings in both ears he definitely doesn't look like a lesbian anymore...

6 Jun


Nothing screams I'm stoned like two idiots laughing softly in the ice cream isle at the supermarket

6 Jun


RT @DavidTheHater: I heard the working title for Breaking Dawn was "16 and Vampire Pregnant."

3 Jun


Who do I have to blow to get this new fucking Taylor Swift song to come on the radio right now I mean jesus

2 Jun


RT @PigsAndPlans: New Music App! LOUDIE!http://tinyurl.com/3pd95rs

1 Jun


What is this new Return of the Mack song? Why would someone do this to a classic?!?!

30 May


http://lockerz.com/s/106052023 No one thought to tell the owner of this house this maybe wasn't the best thing to ... http://tmi.me/aPmlb

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30 May


Watching the sun set with @AshleyMGreene. #toughlifehttp://lockerz.com/s/106044055

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30 May


If you do Memorial Day right you won't remember it at all.

30 May


I like two kinds of snow cones: shaved iced with tequila and waffle with a bag of coke in it.

25 May


After re-watching the entire Friday Night Lights series Im a hundo percent ready to get that "Texas Forever" tramp stamp #timriggins

23 May


@neongoldrecords Pleasepleaseyesyesyesplease


22 May


Instead of a GPS system I wanna put Kevin Connolly in a car seat in my car and make him read me directions off google maps.

22 May


"JK LOL" -Harold Camping

22 May


Turn up your speakers REAL LOUD and let the beautiful weirdness of this wash over you as the world ends http://officermurphy.com/

21 May


Pour out some protein shake we lost a good one. RIP sweet manhttp://lockerz.com/s/103309455

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21 May


Everyone send @DJSamFrench nudie pics for his birthday! He's my favorite old hag!

18 May


For a play by play of @Oprah's farewell follow @supergoodrca. He's there. He's in it. He's everything. #oprah

15 May


#pussycontrol http://lockerz.com/s/101771779

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11 May


How can I be Al Gore if I'm Amanda Bynes? RT @TJC83:@JennsDrunk Are you Al Gore?!? did you invent the internet?!?

11 May


ive read the entire internet.

11 May


Just made spaghetti with one meatball. I call it, The Lance Armstrong.

9 May


Happy Mothers Day to all the stars of MTV's 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom!

4 May


ugh, thank you RT @GlitterFarts69 http://tinyurl.com/3dyzv5j@JennsDrunk

29 Apr


Who else is pulling for a Queen Elizabeth nipple slip during the wedding? No one? Oh, yeah, totes, me either. #royalnipslip

28 Apr


Spoiler alert! I am. RT @xoYaSsYox: @JennsDrunk then I would finaly get to know if you are amanda bynes :P

28 Apr


At what point during all this royal bullshit is Julie Andrews going to show up in San Francisco and tell Anne Hathaway she's a princess...

27 Apr


Omg they mashed it up with West Side Story. Its everything.

27 Apr


Glee is covering Unpretty. I can't. I don't event know. Ugh.#riplefteye

27 Apr


I think I'm going to start uStreaming my naps. Thoughts? Feelings?

26 Apr


RT @MikeJonesNYC Goin abroad 2 Rome 4 years ago doesnt give u the right 2 order food in that accent at this Italian restaurant. And I hate u

25 Apr


Celine Dion? RT @djbroc: Who tags up a wall in the bathroom of someones recording studio and pukes up their Henny at the same time?

25 Apr


This lady just gets it. #heyrememberwhenkobecalledtherefafaggot?http://plixi.com/p/95772808

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25 Apr


Fuck you Vik. RT @MyNameIsVik: @JennsDrunk dude if you miss TRL you are waaaay too old

25 Apr


I'm sorry that last tweet was rude I shouldn't say midget. The little people are half price.

25 Apr


No I wouldnt the midgets are half price RT @heygerardo:@JennsDrunk @str8edgeracer you would need more than a billion dollars to do that

25 Apr


If I had a billion dollars I would buy the Denver Nuggets, fire every player, and replace them exclusively with midgets.

25 Apr


Happy Jesus! Love, The Jennster Bunny #yathatbunnyhastitshttp://twitpic.com/4p2u5n

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25 Apr


Today, I turn easter eggs into jello shots. Just like Jesus did all those years ago.

25 Apr


RT @DavidTheHater Little known fact, when Jesus rose from his tomb that was the first Crypt walk on record. #blackjesus

25 Apr


Made scrambled eggs, dipped them in different color food coloring, realized I was doing everything wrong, cried, ate matzo.#happyeaster

23 Apr


Ugh, I miss TRL.

23 Apr


@FierMe cool.

In reply to Jen Fierman

21 Apr


Watching @itstheknocks crushhhhhhhhhh #dancingwiththedjhttp://twitpic.com/4ng2pw

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21 Apr


4/20 is about as passe as twitter is becoming. #whocares

19 Apr


Its over. @AshleyMGreene and I would like to thank the lovely people at any place that had chicken fingers in a 10 mi radius of coachella.

19 Apr

Yara Figueroa @yarafigueroa Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Raaawr-shit-raawr #VelocirapTourettesRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

17 Apr


Life is great

17 Apr


Day 2 recap: drunk. Lacoste. Mumford RAGE. Neon carnival. Dance. Wristbands. Meet at the atm. Love everyone. #havingan8ball

16 Apr


Oh whatttttttup coachella?!?! #glitter #whowantstogetweirdhttp://twitpic.com/4l9047

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16 Apr


RT @DavidTheHater I really wanted to go to Coachella, but I couldn't get under 100lbs and none of my tank-tops were ironic enough.#raybans

14 Apr


Download @loudieapp! Check in at #coachella and we can talk about bands and snacks and drugs and snacks and kanye west#loudie

14 Apr


And don't you dare text me and tell me that wasn't funny @sho4shoand @SameronHiles. I'm sick and tired of your iBullying.

14 Apr


In case youre wondering, yes, I am listening to Glee in the parking lot of a bank waiting for my mom so she can pay my rent. Like an adult.

13 Apr


SCRE4M!! RT @shenaeSG http://twitpic.com/4k2c1u - Orrr....this one. @jennsdrunk @michaelseater

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10 Apr


HAPPY BIRTHDAY @sherbysays! She loves cheese and American Idol. So just follow her, okay? Don't be an idiot.

9 Apr


Reply Retweet Favorite · Open#FF RT @sherbysays Catch me like the government tonight, shutting it down.

6 Apr


Btw @zeeceeskie showed me the way of the handerpants. He is a king among men who wear normal boring gloves.

In reply to Zachary Collinger

6 Apr


HANDERPANTS. OMG. OH. MY. GOD. http://handerpants.com/#handerpants

6 Apr


I just got a paypal account. I'm accepting donations. For every dollar you send I will email you a picture of a cat in a wig. FAIR DEAL!

6 Apr


@TansieOctavia do you want to put money in my paypal account? Is that rude to ask? I'm Jewish Idk the rules.

In reply to Tansie Swithenbank

6 Apr


ugh. RT @funnyordie If you give a mouse a cookie ur probably high as balls. Lay off the weed. Call an exterminator. Get your shit together.

6 Apr


Thank you, Megen. I really like your bio. K. RT @MegenFox OMG@JennsDrunk is like.... My brain.

6 Apr


You know, skinny Jonah Hill is still fat anyone else. Just saying.

6 Apr


The deaf man in my building is whistling S&M by Rihanna in the courtyard. Not sure if theres a joke in there, just needed to tell someone.

5 Apr


5 out of 6 pot heads agree, they can't remember why they're being polled...

4 Apr


Its mah birthday! Boom boom boom lemme hear ya say wayoo wayoo! #TenthAnniversaryOfMyBatMitzvah

31 Mar


Tweet #SpreadTheHeart to spread the word. And yes, its hard for me not to make a #SpreadUrLegs joke but this isnt the place or time. Pervs.

31 Mar


Hi, dont be an asshole. Support the lovely @shenaeSG by joining her#SpreadTheHeart movement. http://tinyurl.com/5wyakf9#prayforjapan <3

30 Mar


Well, the bank has rejected my proposal for a small business loan to start a production company specifically for lolcat pictures. Fuck me.

30 Mar


I was going to go on a juice cleanse but then I realized I wasn't ever going to be Gwenyth Paltrow. So.....

30 Mar


As lovely as the one-armed surfer story is. I would much rather a rerelease of Blue Crush w one of Kate Bosworths arms digitally removed.

30 Mar


U kno when u love 2 songs n u wish u could hear them 2geths in 1 song? DL mashup album: Blanket Weather. Its great.http://abytes.tumblr.com

28 Mar


Where is this? RT @MiSSb0Mbd0TC0M @jennsdrunk dope lolhttp://plixi.com/p/87502623

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28 Mar


There should be a special airline that caters to kids and people who bring disgusting food on the plane.

28 Mar


Obama just assumes everyone wants to be his friend on Facebook? Like, if I wanted to see ur status updates I'd friend you. #ughbama

26 Mar


#BankOfAmericanDream RT @DonaldGlover WOW! WATCHING PEOPLE FUCK IN A BANK OF AMERICA!

26 Mar


To be honest, I still can't believe I'm not Natalie Portman

26 Mar


It would be a lot easier to find a job if I had skills other than can sing katy perry on demand and looks good in sweaters :/

21 Mar


RT @DavidTheHater I wish people would quit telling me who's going to be the next Kristen Stewart and let me decide for my fucking self.

20 Mar


@sherrypamela *cher #cmonson

In reply to @sherbysays

20 Mar


Its not that I only care about myself, I just get bored when people stop talking to or about me. -every pretty girl, ever

20 Mar


I just wanna shake all the middle schoolers at the grove and be like ENJOY YOUR PARENTS MONEY AND HOUSE CAUSE ITS ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE!!

20 Mar


You don't have to judge me for giving the stink eye to the effortlessly cool looking 10 year old in J Crew, I judge myself.

19 Mar


... #prayforjapan RT @sn00ki It still amazes me the Stalking Paparazzi does. Like let me live. #unreal

18 Mar


@SameronHiles kids a square!

In reply to @null

17 Mar


I wish MTV had a show about stupid white kids that get drunk and give each other std's in a hot tub...

17 Mar


The only thing I'm positive about is being negative

17 Mar


The worst part about the new Vanessa Hudgens pictures that leaked is now I know she was full of shit when she said "just 4 u ; )"

16 Mar


I only smoke YSL cigarettes cause I'm a classy ass bitch.#richgetricher http://twitpic.com/49xpwb

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11 Mar

devon sawa @DevonESawa Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Japan... my thoughts and prayers are with you.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

7 Mar


...@nickjonas? RT @charliesheen Face it, my life is a movie and your life is a boring diabetes commercial. #winning

7 Mar


Halfway into the season premiere of Celebrity Rehab I realized it was Celebrity Apprentice.

5 Mar


Dear people over 35, Don't use abrevs when you talk. You're a real adult, just say oh my god. Love, jrobs

4 Mar


Prostitutes are just slutty business women.

4 Mar


Yay! The plane I'm on smells like old man!

4 Mar


You know how to tell someone never sends "sext messages"...they call them "sext messages"

4 Mar


What's that rap song that's about growing up in the ghetto and overcoming the odds?

2 Mar


http://www.livethesheendream.com/

1 Mar


Hop up out the bed, turn my Sheen on. RT @funnyordie Sheen. RT@JasperDolphin: @funnyordie Swag.

1 Mar


Hey parents - if your son or daughter suddenly thinks Charlie Sheen is awesome, they do drugs. #winning

1 Mar


Some days I feel like I'm just herp derping through life

1 Mar


If you're gonna tell me smoking kill I'm gonna tell you about the dangers of adult onset diabetes, fatty

28 Feb


WHO WANTS TO ICAHT?

28 Feb


Yeah... http://twitpic.com/44n4u0

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28 Feb


RT @DavidTheHater My Oscar Coverage: Everyone looked fat and Justin Timberlake isn't Banksy.

28 Feb


http://twitpic.com/44jv32 - Night 2 with @JennsDrunk. LA meatballs on the prowl.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes? View photo

28 Feb


When actresses say motherhood is "the most important role of their life" I want to punch them in the neck.

27 Feb


This party is the ultimate whomp fest #whompwhomp

27 Feb


#LAmeatballs RT @shenaeSG http://twitpic.com/448uha - Ready for rolling stones oscar party with @JennsDrunk

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26 Feb


Bitch don't push me while I'm doing my cat daddy.

26 Feb


Do music videos suck now because they're irrelevant or are they irrelevant because they suck?

26 Feb


Disney created a Facebook for children under 10 called Togetherville. In related news, pedophiles have a new favorite website. #terribleidea

26 Feb


#ff One of them is a guy I sleep with: @supergoodrca and the other loves Britney Spears: @DavidTheHater

23 Feb

Yara Figueroa @yarafigueroa Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

"But seriously, would you like a side of guilt, shame or worthlessness to go with your lunch?"- Volunteers outside WholeFoods everydayRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

22 Feb


I love when @JennsDrunk posts. It's like an angel comes in and blesses P&P http://bit.ly/gFQwZaRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

22 Feb


A lotta uglies and fatties out today. #PresidentsDay

21 Feb


I'd be way more inclined to watch the Allstar Game if it was a show about people from New Jersey making cake.

21 Feb


Is Khloe Kardashian playing in the Allstar Game?

21 Feb


Why hasn't "Antoine Dodson: Rape Detective" been greenlit yet?

19 Feb


Return Of The Mack is the jaaaaam always.

19 Feb


The only Dane Cook Greatest Hits I wanna see is a DVD of people punching Dane Cook in the face.

18 Feb


Things that made me cry today: spilling water, the cold air, Maid In Manhattan, and getting my pants dirty. #periodtweet

17 Feb


Cookie Quickfire Challenge?!?! Top Chef got my letters!!!!!!!

17 Feb


Whenever I see really skinny girls from behind I always try and see their face cause if they're ugly I feel better. #deepthoughts

15 Feb 11


Happy Valentines Day love, @JennsDrunk and @DavidTheHaterhttp://plixi.com/p/77479350

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15 Feb 11


Great way to find out if someone's underage? Ask them to recreate the dial up noise.

14 Feb 11


RT @thesulk: Happy Valentine's Day!! If you don't have that perfect someone in your life, you are worthless. Die.

14 Feb 11


Good for Drake for transitioning from Canadian wheelchair actor to rap star

14 Feb 11


So Bob Dylan is a tired lesbian now, huh?

14 Feb 11


What's an Esparanza Spaulding? Sounds like a cheesy Mexican dish with mango salsa on top.

13 Feb 11


This Valentines Day my boyfriend better go to Jared...the coke dealer in West Hollywood.

13 Feb 11


@skeetonmytwitts apple lemon double ginger?


12 Feb 11


We got no money, but we got our heart. Were gonna rattle this ghost town.

12 Feb 11


RT @DavidTheHater: The only thing worse than listening to actors talk about acting, is listening to chefs talk about cooking.

12 Feb 11


"I'm gonna eat you up, then I'm gonna do your drugs" <3 RT@PigsAndPlans "Young Hollywood" - @moreamor.http://bit.ly/hIRUuK

12 Feb 11


OMG this lady gaga song is SO good!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsVcUzP_O_8 #bornthisway

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12 Feb 11


Hey @lcdsoundsystem, What if you buy back your tickets to sell to your fans? LOVE, Girl Already Covered in Glitter Singing All My Friends

11 Feb 11


...should we tell her this isn't Facebook? RT @lindsaylohan Hello Facebook. Yes, this is actually Lindsay. Welcome to my Facebook page!

11 Feb 11


http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sarcasm RT @bosoxdanc@JennsDrunk The amount of ignorance in your post is astounding.

11 Feb 11


No more Guitar Hero? OMG! Does this mean kids are actually going to have to learn to play an instrument?! It just seems so unfair!

10 Feb 11


Cause loose woman love Bath & Body Works. Everyone knows that. RT @DavidTheHater: Why do all loose women smell like Cucumber Melon...

10 Feb 11


I love when I text people I've slept with and they respond "Who is this?"

10 Feb 11


Hey @MrDonaldGlover you wanna be best friends?

10 Feb 11


That necklace was put around my clients neck without her knowledge. Also, she was wearing someone elses pants.#IfIWereLohansLawyer

10 Feb 11


The only thing Lindsay Lohan has ever stolen is Americas hearts in 1998's The Parent Trap. The defense rests. #IfIWereLohansLawyer

10 Feb 11


Can I auction myself off on ebay? Is that allowed?

9 Feb 11


"When did Fabio's son get a record deal?" - @davidthehaterhttp://plixi.com/p/75880771

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8 Feb 11


I'm not sure if everyone I went to high school with got stupid looking or if they were always this stupid looking #facebook

8 Feb 11


My mouth just started to taste like Fritos. Am I having a stroke?

7 Feb 11


Oh hay? RT @NikkiSixx RT @JennsDrunk: I wish someone would tweet about how much the Black Eyed Peas suck.

7 Feb 11


I wish someone would tweet about how much the Black Eyed Peas suck.

7 Feb 11


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenThe glitter vomiting coke dragon just stole Kesha's whole steeze in a 30 second ad.

7 Feb 11


So, the Super Bowl is basically a bunch of big guys in leggings playing with balls in hopes to win jewelry? Do I have this right?

7 Feb 11


Super Bowl XLV sponsored by yellow.

7 Feb 11


Did Christina fuck the words up?!

7 Feb 11


I'm just watching the super bowl to see if Ben Rothlisberger rapes anyone. #chipsandsalsa

7 Feb 11


RT @funnyordie: Christina Aguilera would seem a lot hotter if the announcer introduced her as Snooki. #superbowl

6 Feb 11


If you show me your love baby, ill show you mine RT@JessicaAmento: Song of the day: Stars Are Blind by Paris Hilton.

6 Feb 11


@FierMe you me and @sho4sho. Well call ourselves MDMA Jensystem

In reply to Jen Fierman

5 Feb 11


The most pretentious volcano ever smoked. #iHighhttp://plixi.com/p/74850284

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4 Feb 11


RT @DJSamFrench: "Since when are groundhogs meteorologists? Like, where'd you go to school mr. groundhog" -@JennsDrunk

4 Feb 11


RT @sho4sho: you guys @ToMyCurrentBF is good fucking stuff

4 Feb 11


Is there a music festival for sultry RnB and urban dance jams? I want to go to there. #echo

3 Feb 11


In no way do I condone pedophilia, but Chris Hansen is kind of a cock block...

3 Feb 11


I bet Mel Gibson sent Charlie Sheen the biggest thank you fruit basket.

3 Feb 11


Lurking on the 90210 set. Lookin for snacks. Embarrassing@shenaeSG. http://plixi.com/p/74348274

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3 Feb 11


Oh you know, just hanging out at a random persons house in Bel Air. Typical wednesday. http://plixi.com/p/74342683

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2 Feb 11


I love me a tranny with facial hair. What a perfect way to tell the world you just don't give a fuck.

2 Feb 11

Confusion @PigsAndPlans

Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenOlafur Arnalds Ticket Giveaway!!! (LOS ANGELES)http://tinyurl.com/4pe96exRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

1 Feb 11


In case anyone was wondering apparently you can't customize an m&m to say "lets have sex".

1 Feb 11


Has anyone ever actually been to Sonic?

1 Feb 11


this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Av7m_Pgt1S8

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31 Jan 11


I hate that it makes me feel kinda old cause I know who Devon Sawa is. #wheresJTT

31 Jan 11


ugh, christina ricci, always be crying about your mom who got scooped up by a beautiful angel. #nowandthen

30 Jan 11

Kanye West @kanyewest Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Girls be killing me rocking no coat in the winter standing in front of the clubRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

30 Jan 11


If you're really fucked up SNL is funny again.

30 Jan 11


@skeetonmytwitts oi oiii I'm good where are you in the world!?


30 Jan 11


@supergoodrca Im listening to Beyonce pandora. Twins.


30 Jan 11


GIMME THAT NOWWW RT @AshleyMGreene I must say I'm proud.... Although I had LOTS of help :) #nextgreatbakershttp://yfrog.com/h7imqogj

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29 Jan 11


Wanna see a magic trick? Look at a Jewish girls Facebook pictures backwards and watch her nose shrink.

29 Jan 11


RT @thesulk: Somewhere a drunk girl with a sour expression is changing The Grateful Dead to "something funner".

29 Jan 11


Charlie Sheen checked into rehab. Pussy.

29 Jan 11


RT @CubicleTweets: wait, so the day isn't even half over yet? fucking father time and his big ol' bag of bullshit.

28 Jan 11


RT @DavidTheHater Looks like my boy Charlie is spendin his Two and a Half Men money on Two and a Half Kilos...

27 Jan 11


YESSSSSSSSS RT @funnyordie Okay. She's back, you guys! RT@MsAmandaBynes_ I'm back!!!!! tell everyone!!!!!!

27 Jan 11


Creating a show to compete with "Toddlers and Tiaras," its called "Yay! Child Abuse!"

26 Jan 11


The people at DiGiorno finally read all those letters I've sent them...http://tinyurl.com/64caxfy

23 Jan 11


Hot n spicy RT @JessicaAmento: Hey @JennsDrunk - look what I found at Spare Room ;) http://yfrog.com/h5rc9uexxj

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23 Jan 11


Fuck supermarkets, Girl Scouts would make bank selling cookies outside the club. #YouGuysWantSomeCookehs

22 Jan 11


Yaaa I'm running a fever and I took a buncha cough medicine so just let it happen RT @SameronHiles: @JennsDrunk that's awful

22 Jan 11


Fartacus: Gods of the Assrena. #webtweetsonfridaynight

22 Jan 11


And @DavidTheHater #peoplewholovehate RT @funnyordie: #ff@thesulk

21 Jan 11


So far NBC's new line-up includes "Not Batman" on Monday and "Not Friends" on Thursday!

21 Jan 11


OMGYG, Coachella!!!!! (best line-up ever)http://plixi.com/p/71285504

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21 Jan 11


RT @SameronHiles watching obsessed. first time i saw it was the first time i took acid. kept yelling "denzel!" in the theater. not denzel

19 Jan 11


I can only hope Daft Punk has changed their name to Kings Of Leon RT @PigsAndPlans: Coachella 2011 Lineuphttp://tinyurl.com/6x4bkk3

19 Jan 11


Wasn't sure if I had enough distractions on my computer so I installed Angry Birds to insure I never get any work done ever again.#birdshit

18 Jan 11


The anorexic lesbian couple at Benihana stick out like an anorexic lesbian couple at Benihana

18 Jan 11


RT @DavidTheHater: "Pots!" (Dyslexic Rape Victim)

17 Jan 11


Are there gay polygamists? Like a man with a bunch of husbands? Do I smell a new show on Bravo...?#TheRealHousewivesOfSaltLakeCityRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

17 Jan 11


I think its pretty safe to say Darren Aronofsky is totes deleting his Facebook account when he gets home

17 Jan 11


The closest thing we will ever see to a pterodactyl is Tilda Swinton#goldenglobes

15 Jan 11


Reply Retweet Favorite · Open@SameronHiles booger sugar?

In reply to @null

14 Jan 11


Dear every asshole tweeting about the Zodiac, it only applies to people born after 2009. Shush. Love, J Robs

14 Jan 11


Found them.

14 Jan 11


It's 1pm on a Thursday and I can't find my pants. Again.

13 Jan 11


A song for the polygamist in all of us! RT @PigsAndPlans Alex Winston - "Sister Wife" http://tinyurl.com/4vgrvlu

13 Jan 11


Hold It Against Me/Grenade Mash-up Cover? Yes plzhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zhIivIbgyk&feature=player_embedded#!

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13 Jan 11


Taylor Swift kinda has no blinking crazy face

12 Jan 11


Miss you Pigs <3 RT @PigsAndPlans: Remember when @jennsdrunksang? http://bit.ly/aLNSBB

12 Jan 11


The best thing to happen to food since the creation of butter RT@EpicMealTime #EpicMealTime Four Loko Chilihttp://on.fb.me/hAgwhh

8 Jan 11


My Grandma always told me the harder you work the luckier you seem to get...and always be the guest in a threesome.

8 Jan 11


We are the Brad and Angelina of coke jokes #blackbaby RT@funnyordie: #ff @JennsDrunk & @DavidTheHater America's Sourhearts.

8 Jan 11


Oddly enough throwing actual birds at pigs is not fun even a little bit.#donttellpeta

8 Jan 11


The people that created Jersey Shore must be sitting on piles of money hysterically laughing.

8 Jan 11


Jersey Shore should have its own vagina term dictionary. #nana#cooca

7 Jan 11


RT @nylonmag @theknockz make us a mixtape of their favorite guilty pleasure pop hits! http://tinyurl.com/2wtvqlz

6 Jan 11


I'm glad Bruce Jenner got that earring, now he definitely doesn't look like an orange lesbian.

6 Jan 11


Either this is the best commercial mistake ever or someone at intuit.com loves doody jokes #taylorshatshttp://plixi.com/p/68127063

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6 Jan 11


The only magic 8-ball I'm interested in playing with comes in a tiny ziplock bag.

6 Jan 11


Idk who James Van Der Beek is but Dawson looks great! RT@funnyordie James Van DerBeek is an asshole for hirehttp://r.FunnyOrDie.com/npezx

4 Jan 11


RT @DavidTheHater "I really don't mind the bedbugs, they're kind of a welcome distraction from my pubic lice." #EveryNYCgirl

4 Jan 11


I'm no doctor, but I believe the medical term for "a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed" is bi-polar...

4 Jan 11


Weirdos love government offices

4 Jan 11


JennsDrunk +1? Thx. RT @djbroc: Tomorrow night in LA blackandyellowblackandyellow http://plixi.com/p/67696948

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4 Jan 11


Its such bullshit that a 3 year old can sit on the floor screaming crying in public but when I do it its blasphemy. #babyenvy

3 Jan 11


I date him cause he looks good in any season. And he has Ray Bans. @DavidTheHater, #puremichigan http://plixi.com/p/67461569

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2 Jan 11


Happy new year @pigsandplans I love you

2 Jan 11


Playing my favorite drinking game, drink the beer.

2 Jan 11


The most delicious beer of all time. If only @BellsBrewery shipped to LA... (Lookin at u Bells twitter guy) http://plixi.com/p/67341859

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2 Jan 11


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenRT @ETodes: 2011 can suck it

1 Jan 11


Continued love @ElenaFranklin @midnightmariel @JessicaAmento@topheggers @MikeJonesNYC @Diznut @jamiereed @missjemaime@_mhertz @_seltz_

1 Jan 11


My loves, my life @DavidTheHater @sho4sho @FierMe @shenaeSG@RPerryMusic @supergoodrca @ETodes @AshleyMGreene@DJSamFrench @TheRadler_

1 Jan 11


HAPPY NEW YEAR RT @kanyewest: IT'S A HELL OF A LIFE

1 Jan 11


I'm gonna live 2011 like its my last year on earth and if that Mayan calendar is bullshit ill deal with it on Jan 1st 2012

1 Jan 11


If you guys don't follow @DavidTheHater you should cause I'm gonna have sex with him at midnight. And he's funny. #phish

1 Jan 11


I wanna pour champagne in ur mouth while we watch BET RT@ThisisWilkes @JennsDrunk I follow u on twitter n in real life, Im a creep for you

1 Jan 11


If you don't like excessive drunk tweets unfollow me (please don't unfollow me ill kill myself this is all I have)

1 Jan 11


If I'm not lit by 9 this nights a failure

31 Dec 10


Wouldn't being "above the influence" in fact make you...high?

31 Dec 10


Marina and the Diamonds sounds gewd in the snow

31 Dec 10


Hay bitches, help my stylish friend allie win her dream job! show love@AllieFTF and http://bit.ly/hJp1II & RT.

31 Dec 10


I'm a mothafuckin monsta RT @pigsandplans Video! Kanye West (Ft. Rick Ross, Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj & Bon Iver) Monster http://bit.ly/hEafkJ

30 Dec 10


Sometimes a girl has to make a tough decision; do I eat this table of food or do I have sex tonight? Either way pants will be unbuttoned.

30 Dec 10

Jen Fierman @FierMe Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Pregnant women are the cutest. Until I have to give them my seat on the subway, then they're greedy knocked up hoes.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

29 Dec 10


<3 RT @DavidTheHater I never understood people who buy clothes with holes in them. The only thing u should buy with holes are prostitutes.

27 Dec 10


How deadly are dolphins? #ThoughtsOnWeed

27 Dec 10


Would it be odd if I ask the kid I just met if it would be cool if I used his laptop to search "Dunkaroo's + Detroit." #ThoughtsOnWeed

27 Dec 10


What if dogs barked in different accents? #ThoughtsOnWeed

26 Dec 10


I always get the same wave of unnecessary panic when I hit yes to "disregard tweet without sending"

26 Dec 10


You know when you take that hit of weed that you know is gonna be a terrible idea cause you're already so fucked. Yeah...

26 Dec 10


And now a moment of silence for all the BBM contacts lost this year to the iPhone4.

26 Dec 10


Signed onto twitter to find that I have 0 followers? WAY TO MAKE ME FEEL WORSE TODAY #jewish

26 Dec 10


@IamAlexWinston they locked me in the shed until I learn every word on the Josh Groban Christmas album.

In reply to Alex Winston

25 Dec 10


If I wasn't friends with Jesus on Facebook I would never have remembered tomorrows his bday.

25 Dec 10


Just paid some homeless people to re-enact the manger scene on my boyfriends family's lawn for xmas! I hope they like it!#crackbabyjesus

25 Dec 10


Mary must have been the ultimate bullshitter cause whenever I tell my mom it was immaculate conception she NEVER believes me

25 Dec 10


I love Beyonce so much.

23 Dec 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · Open@sho4sho @SameronHiles @fierme my heart is BREAKING

23 Dec 10


"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."http://tinyurl.com/2frlpxd

21 Dec 10


The minute I found out this Eclipse had nothing to do with Rob Pattinson covered in glitter I went inside.

20 Dec 10


@DavidaBWilliams if you say one more thing about "the boyfriend" on twitter I'm gonna find you and slap you in public

20 Dec 10


RT @DavidTheHater: "That's so Weaven" (Raven Symone's new weave line)

20 Dec 10


Give me a 20 and ill write them out for you on a pad RT@JessicaAmento I want a coffee table/bathroom book of@JennsDrunk's tweets for xmas

15 Dec 10


Black person RT @vanderjames: If I were to get back on TV again, what kind of role would you want to see me play?

15 Dec 10


Twitter thinks I should follow James VanDerBeek and for the first time ever, I agree. @vanderjames you haunt my dreams in your row boat.

14 Dec 10


*two thumbs up* RT @neongoldrecords Sound of 2011:http://neongoldrecords.blogspot.com/2010/12/neon-gold-presents-sound-of-2011.html

12 Dec 10


I told u Id pay u back. Its like I give and give and give and I asked for one thing and...nothing. It doesn't not hurt. It doest. Not. Hurt.

12 Dec 10


I got 10000 followers and not one of you assholes can bring me some fucking chickenfingers. What's the deal guys?

12 Dec 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenYour location says redondo beach gtfoh. Be here soon love you#chicken RT @IanTris: @JennsDrunk how about $10 extra?

12 Dec 10


If someone brings me chicken fingers to Dark Room on Melrose I will not only pay you back ill give you like 3 or 4 dollars extra

12 Dec 10


Get me a venti iced coffee #bff #sunny RT @sho4sho: @JennsDrunkits so nice out in vegas. Heading to the starbucks at mandalay!!!#jrobs

12 Dec 10


Twitter should be for jokes, news, and music. I dont care about ur starbucks order, who ur best friend is, or ur thoughts on the weather.

11 Dec 10


If you don't like the son Party In The USA I'm gonna have to assume you're a terrorist.

11 Dec 10


Whenever I bowl I try my hardest to get three strikes so I can pay homage to my favorite actor, Vin Diesel. #XXX

11 Dec 10


Oh thank god Suri Cruise just got to the party I forgot weed and she always has the best kush.

11 Dec 10


Last thing I googled on my phone: "will I die if I drink an expired sugar free red bull? Asking for a friend."

11 Dec 10


Miley smoked salvia? Psh When I was 18 I was doing lines off someones hand in a moving cab on a street with potholes. Blindfolded. #bitchplz

10 Dec 10


Is a gram of coke a good stocking stuffer? #whitechristmas

10 Dec 10


Ohh Lady, no worse place to let a squeaky fart out than in the quietest section at Barnes and Noble.

10 Dec 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenRT @funnyordie: Die Antwereyougonnafinishthat #fatindiebands

10 Dec 10


I told Matt Damon we couldnt continue our affair. He sent me this video. http://tinyurl.com/2ut635w

9 Dec 10


I wish I was that fucking kid on Two And A Half Men

7 Dec 10


RT @DavidTheHater New show "Skiing with the Stars" Its a reality show about hipsters who do coke w 80s B-List actors. Last pair to OD wins.

7 Dec 10


@ryvonne03 (pretend its yesterday)happy birthday!!!!!

In reply to Ryvonne Kate

6 Dec 10


Love is when you both make the exact same fart joke while watching Boardwalk Empire.

6 Dec 10


Wait, Black Swan isn't presented by Tyler Perry?

2 Dec 10


RT @MikeJonesNYC I dont wanna go to basel anyway. I hope u all get sunburns n sprayed in the face w champagne by some Italian named Fabrizio

2 Dec 10


I was on sale for 3 dollars and some Famous Amos Cookies on cyber monday RT @brettschwartzzz i want @JennsDrunk for chanukah

2 Dec 10


Its weird that World AIDS Day falls on the first night of Hannukah. I feel like it'd be better suited with Valentines Day...

2 Dec 10


Oh god damnit now I have to get you something else RT @ETodesFor Hanukkah this year I hope I get some black tar heroin from Alexis Neiers

2 Dec 10


If Ellen Degenerous and Portia De Rossi could make a baby together it would look exactly like Justin Bieber #ladyface

1 Dec 10


But does he have boots with the fur? RT @DavidaBWilliams: My dog has an apple bottom

1 Dec 10


If you wanna do coke that's all you but leave the farts in the bathroom bitch #babylaxitives

1 Dec 10


It takes a lotta balls to fart in the club and then dance away#gurliseeyou

1 Dec 10


If ur going to surprise ur bf by showing up to his apt in nothing but heels and a coat its best to make sure he doesn't have friends over...

1 Dec 10


LOVE this RT @brettnovek Holiday SALE on ALL UNIsex accessories! 30% off! www.goodhYOUman.com Support an amazing cause and its a great gift!

30 Nov 10


They didn't make me go through the vagina scanner at the airport which means I shaved TSA into my pubes for nothing.

29 Nov 10


RT @DavidTheHater That guy on the elevator really hurt my feelings when he asked "Is that Prada fleece from LAST year...?"

29 Nov 10


If you read this in a whisper its 10x better RT @DameElizabeth every breath you take today should be with someone else in mind. I love you.

26 Nov 10


The talking turkey thermometer has been set wrong and is now exclusively speaking french. #thanksgiving

26 Nov 10


Happy Thanksgiving. I'm gonna take some psychedelics and watch Indian In The Cupboard til dinners ready.

25 Nov 10


I think she is the saddest girl to ever hold a martini.

25 Nov 10


@NoahHarald oh you have NO idea how much I hate that fart face

In reply to Noah Harald

25 Nov 10


"And may all your Christmas' be white!" (Sang the racist guy who misunderstood the song.)

23 Nov 10


Can you join the mile high club with yourself? Or did I just upset all the people sitting around me for nothing?

23 Nov 10


ill miss you RT @hatefulhuman @JennsDrunk I'm afraid the time has come to unfollow. I can get vapid, tragic, stupidity elsewhere.

23 Nov 10


I'm almost positive I just audibly burped but my headphones are too loud to ever know for sure... #flyinghigh

23 Nov 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenBest use of in flight internet: Google "what to do on a plane if you have body lice", leave the window open, and get up to pee.

23 Nov 10


Didnt want any trouble with TSA so I made sure I threw away my liquids, took my shoes off, and pulled my tit out before gettin to the front!

23 Nov 10


I'm the spokesgirl for Jews for Baby Jesus RT @mollysovran@JennsDrunk u have such a pretty face u should b on the cover of a christmas card

23 Nov 10


There is no way not to sound like an asshole when saying, "I'll have the kobe beef burger"

23 Nov 10


RT @djbroc: I'd fuck #bieber http://yfrog.com/47cbxaj

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22 Nov 10


I'm still not sure how killing all these dudes is gonna help Julia Stiles get into Juilliard...

22 Nov 10


Carlos Santana is like a herpe. Every couple years he comes back and you just gotta deal with it. #robthomas

22 Nov 10


So Kesha seems to not be going away huh?

22 Nov 10


When did it become ok for pop stars to be fat?

22 Nov 10


Miss you more. RT @PigsAndPlans: @JennsDrunk miss you.

22 Nov 10


I assume the Angry Birds are angry cause they look like Kid Rock...

18 Nov 10


My coke dealer got all pissy when I tried to pay in gelt. My weed dealer didn't seem to have a problem with it.

13 Nov 10


Will someone please play words with friends with me? Username jennsdrunk

12 Nov 10


If you play Words With Friends heed my warning - when playing with someone you don't know don't spell "rape" first. Or ever.

11 Nov 10


RT @HoneyChildBand: Watch us play a new song 'Hair and Guitars' from our Lillith Fair performance! http://bit.ly/doHbZA

9 Nov 10


Amazing! RT @PigsAndPlans: Pigeons and Planes Joins Complexhttp://tinyurl.com/25r54hp

8 Nov 10


I would take this beanie off considering its 90 degrees outside but then how would people know I'm a stupid asshole?

6 Nov 10

Funny Or Die @funnyordie

Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenIt's getting pretty tough to say "TGIF" and mean it, knowing full well there will never be a new season of Boy Meets World.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

5 Nov 10


#WelcomeHomeWeezy

4 Nov 10

Scott Rafkin @scottrafkin Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

facebook is murray hill, twitter is soho, tumblr is williamsburg, myspace is hobokenRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

3 Nov 10


If you start a sentence with "I don't mean to be a bitch..." Its usually the only thing you mean to be.

2 Nov 10


Until there's an app that's gonna get me off and then make me a sandwich I'm sticking with BlackBerry.

1 Nov 10


Yourself? RT @jamiereed: Just bought a ladies shirt and eyeliner. Bet no one will guess my costume.

31 Oct 10


The entire bar is singing "don't stop believing." I'm in the corner trying to fashion a noose out of a marachino cherry stem.

31 Oct 10


I don't feel like looking for a "sexy enter profession here" so I'm just gonna be a prostitute.

31 Oct 10


I feel like people don't know this so I'm gonna throw this out there - you don't have to put everything on twitter...

29 Oct 10


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfv1Ajm6Pv0 thank you so much@thesulk

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29 Oct 10

Cubicle Tweets @CubicleTweets Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

I believe the woman next to me just queefed.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

28 Oct 10


Note to everyone, if I don't know you I don't want to talk to you in any line. For anything. Ever. (Except if you wanna tell me I look thin)

27 Oct 10


Kim Kardashian boned Sean Parker. It wasnt until the next morning when she asked him to sing "Sexy Back" that she realized her mistake.

27 Oct 10


I think it's safe to say Patti Mayonnaise was one of the biggest cock teases of this or any other generation. #porkchopRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

26 Oct 10


If there isn't a Facebook album the next day chances are I don't remember the party. #wastedyouth

26 Oct 10


I'd complain about Mondays but I don't have a job and the hardest thing I did so far today was @DavidTheHater. #funemployment

24 Oct 10


My name is jenns drunk not jenn wants to hang out without alcohol past 2 am

23 Oct 10


Apparently they found water on the moon. Now all they have to do is find vodka, valium, baby lotion, and DSL and I'm there!Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

23 Oct 10


Check out @BrettNovek's amazing new line. Proceeds to benefit Leukemia and Lymphoma research. <3http://www.goodhyouman.com/lookbook.html

22 Oct 10


Sprainus = anus sprain

22 Oct 10


My mother thinks Daniel Tosh is unfunny and mean. This means I was right and she's never listened to anything I've ever said ever.

22 Oct 10

Jeff Hertz @CaballoKirbs Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

v 2 - Lady Gaga,Bron's Decision,Lindsay Lohan goes to prison,No more George Bush, J-Lo HUGE tush,Betty White is old#wedidntstartthefire2010Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

22 Oct 10

Jeff Hertz @CaballoKirbs Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

verse 1 - Justin Bieber, Pauly D, Adam Lambert, Cee-lo Green, Sammi Sweetheart, Situation, Snooki is a ho#wedidntstartthefire2010Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

19 Oct 10


Mumford & Sons. Palladium. Catch me dangerously close to the stage creepin the band out with my sexy eyes.

18 Oct 10


Fishing for a RT is the new fishing for a compliment

18 Oct 10


RT @DJSamFrench @JennsDrunk and I pass along the occassional meaningful/life-affecting messages, So when we go to hell we at least get VIP

18 Oct 10


RT @AshleyMGreene Paypal will donate $0.05 to help find a cure for every person who tweets #beatcancer. RT & spread the word!

17 Oct 10


RT @DavidTheHater 9 out of 10 problems can be solved with cash...penicillin can handle the rest.

17 Oct 10


Just emailed me mom and let her know I have named the little man on my hand Ted Dancin'. Bitch can't tell me I don't do shit.

17 Oct 10


My mom asked me if I got any work done today. I sent her this picture. http://plixi.com/p/51109350

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17 Oct 10


You should have!!! RT @SidMoore: Saw @JennsDrunk at #LCDsuper hot, almost asked to dance, but she's too famous for that kinda shit

16 Oct 10


Tonight I attended a dance party with 18000 of my newest bestest friends. Rage on world, rage on. http://plixi.com/p/50966386

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16 Oct 10


RT @clarkduke: http://www.avclub.com/twincities/articles/prince-says-that-the-internet-is-completely-over,42812/

16 Oct 10


I don't believe in much, but I believe in James Murphy.#whereareyoufriendstonight

16 Oct 10


LCD Soundsystem, Hot Chip, and Sleigh Bells at The Hollywood Bowl #rollinwiththehomies

14 Oct 10


@DJSamFrench and you like to do drawings?


13 Oct 10


International DJ/Playboy @djbroc has posted some MP3's of his favorite jams and these tunez do not disappointhttp://tinyurl.com/29af8aj

11 Oct 10


Boardwalk Empire is like the racist great uncle I always wanted

11 Oct 10


You're not my bff you're my bffrn (best friend for right now)#whitegirlproblem

11 Oct 10


"Capital punishment is hilarious." #shitmybrothersays

9 Oct 10


Not much hangin out I'm bored miss you <3 RT @meganlakae:@jennsdrunk i'm drunk off my goddamn ass...what's up with you?

9 Oct 10


What's everyone doing? Who's hungry? Anyone wanna hang out? Are you guys going to Dakotas birthday? I love LCD Soundsystem

9 Oct 10


Hey what's up? No ones answering my bbms so I figure ill put the question out there to everyone on here.

9 Oct 10


Follow this guy cause he's everything I'd wanna be if I had a penis...still RT @DJSamFrench: #FF me. Please?

9 Oct 10


#ff @DavidTheHater cause he's funny and I..love him?

9 Oct 10


Dear Models - shhhhh just be pretty Love, everyone who has to listen to you

7 Oct 10


There is nothing worse than an overly friendly stranger

7 Oct 10


I always like some nice background music while I'm tweeting, thanks for playing tonight Broken Bells. http://plixi.com/p/49143476

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7 Oct 10


Some people wear "party pants", I perfer "Lohan pants" (someone elses pants that happen to have coke in them)

6 Oct 10


Um, thats me happy... RT @ScottyRaf: Portrait of an unhappy hipster at the happiest place on earth. @jennsdrunkhttp://tumblr.com/xdtkoxvcn

4 Oct 10


"There's no I in Team but there is a U in Cunt." -Kenny Powers

4 Oct 10


Ma'am I will leave the children section when I am good and ready please stop putting away the blocks I was not done playing.

3 Oct 10


Having a special gay night at Disneyland is like having a special gay episode of Glee

2 Oct 10


No no Sir, I believe YOU'RE the idiot. RT @khenny1028:@JennsDrunk your a fucking idiot.

2 Oct 10


The only elective I took in high school was rhinoplasty #jap

2 Oct 10


RT @1uoysevolreklaw: My new drinking game: every time@jennsdrunk reminds us she has a boyfriend one shot. Include Facebook if you dare...

1 Oct 10


Wedding tasting, country club, drunk jewish girl. Which of these things don't belong?

1 Oct 10


Yea you can, follow @DavidTheHater RT @grumpymunchkin2: You can't get funnier than JennsDrunk

1 Oct 10


Just spent 45 minutes straightening my hair and you want me to get in a convertible? #bitchpleaseimjewish

1 Oct 10


@johncmayer2 @sho4sho oh word? Dont start something you cant finish. We'll have sex on your office desk Hertz. On a workday.

30 Sep 10


Playing my favorite game; light as a feather, stiff as a board. I'm light as a feather, he's stiff as a board. #theothercraft

28 Sep 10


We would have seen Eat Pray Love but it was sold out RT@DavidTheHater Who else is watching amputee porn with their girlfriend? #mondays

27 Sep 10


He told me he loved me but if I get out of line ill end up like his last girlfriend. http://plixi.com/p/47358225

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26 Sep 10


What do you get when you mix Kenny Rogers, orphans, [email protected] sheets. #movienighthttp://plixi.com/p/47235038

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26 Sep 10


I told you I was visiting my boyfriend... RT @benbato Sean Penn busting cigs in Royal Oak. Now we know why @jennsdrunk is in Michigan.

26 Sep 10


The only white person funnier and thinner than me #truelove RT@DavidTheHater: Similar to the milk I drink, I'm white, important and 2% fat.

25 Sep 10


Bitch you best buhlieve it RT @supergoodrca: With the new power couple @JennsDrunk and @DavidTheHater.

25 Sep 10


I'm staying with a grooves alumn. Love you. #detroit? RT@kellyjgreer: @jennsdrunk come to groves #detroitparty

24 Sep 10


I'm in Detroit?

24 Sep 10


RT @sho4sho: Oh you farty huh #drake

23 Sep 10


RT @SteveMartinToGo: Career going well.

23 Sep 10


EW is that a dell? RT @supergoodrca A wise @supergoodrca once said, lattes at 3:30 are a great idea. http://post.ly/zCKT

23 Sep 10

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Just coughed.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

22 Sep 10


Thank god I didn't eat the chocolate camera they gave out considering it was soap...

22 Sep 10


My girl likes to party all the time @shenaeSG @sho4sho #paparazzihttp://plixi.com/p/46451598

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22 Sep 10


Youll never know RT @supergoodrca When @JennsDrunk tweets at 7am you have to wonder if she's just waking up or is just about to fall asleep.

22 Sep 10


RT @DavidTheHater "Ghetto superstar that is what U r. Me, Im more of a suburban bench warmer. It wuld never work" (Breakin up w Halle Berry)

20 Sep 10


RT @topheggers "So... just to double check... it definitely can't be CGI?" Actor about to get hugged by polar bear in Nissan commercial.

20 Sep 10


To quote my best friend @sho4sho, I hate people that are gross.

20 Sep 10


Tim Allen is Jungle2Jungle, JTT is Man of the House#homeimprovement RT @DavidTheHater Jungle 2 Jungle is on in 15 minutes! #JTT #BonerAlert

20 Sep 10


And by this I meant over hearing my bro watch while I was in another room watching Love Happens RT @JennsDrunk watching an entire Jets game

20 Sep 10


After watching an entire Jets game all I have taken away is wondering if Nick Mangold calls his semen his man gold...

20 Sep 10


RT @supergoodrca: I would like the show Parenthood if Alexis Bledel was also on it and it was called Gilmore Girls.

19 Sep 10


RT @johncmayer2: @DavidTheHater hi ;-)

18 Sep 10


RT @MrJPatt: Why do people like labeling things? Just let it rock unidentified, man.

17 Sep 10


RT @AshleyMGreene: Happy Happy Birthday!! Hope its amazing.@nickjonas

17 Sep 10


RT @DJSamFrench: COCAINE

17 Sep 10


My heart is in Detroit <3

16 Sep 10


It stanks RT @TheRadler_ After the lady finished waxing my eyebrows n bikini she turned n said u have such nice eyebrows#whataboutmypussy

16 Sep 10


RT @MrJPatt: this is why I ignore people

15 Sep 10


Baby, I'm gonna fuck you like were on the Jersey Shore. Ill eat a big meal, fuck you, and then call you a cab.

14 Sep 10


Lady Gaga brings new meaning to the term "eat me"http://style.mtv.com/2010/09/13/2010-vmas-was-lady-gagas-meat-dress-real/

13 Sep 10


Those werent midgets?! RT @PigsAndPlans @JennsDrunk Bieber was a tool he danced with little kids.

13 Sep 10


If a black person is in blackface who gets to be offended? Asians?

13 Sep 10


Can someone tell Bieber he's white. And Canadian.

13 Sep 10


I like the Entourage always ends with someone holding up a comically large bag of coke. Reminds me of growing up in Miami.

13 Sep 10


West Coast. They start at 9. Gimme Bieber. RT @PigsAndPlans:@JennsDrunk You have to watch the VMAs in 3 hours after they are over?

13 Sep 10


VMAs arent on for another 3 hours, but Im prepping. #oilandlotion RT@supergoodrca: Somewhere @JennsDrunk is touching herself.#JustinBieber

12 Sep 10


I would be the best Halo player if the game was about finding the cliffs and then falling off of them to your death. #nyfw

12 Sep 10


#canadian RT @shenaeSG Drove past wayne gretzky outside of trump parc hotel on way to charlotte ronson! Best star sighting so far bar none

12 Sep 10


#realtalk RT @TheRadler_: All of a sudden you're 180 pictures deep and you're like wow that chick looked good in 07

11 Sep 10


Yeeeeeeah #nyfw RT @kanyewest: Here we go..................http://kanyewest.com/GOODFridays/

11 Sep 10


Happy birthday!!!! RT @mollysovran: @jennsdrunk plese tweet me. Its my birthdy.

11 Sep 10


Myspace... RT @sho4sho Aol 2.0 RT @ScottyRaf: Friendster? RT@_seltz_: #facebook RT @ScottyRaf: RT @ElenaFranklin: TWITTER

10 Sep 10


no one ACTUALLY likes football #thereisaidit

10 Sep 10


This fall on The CW, "Taquito" a rogue Mexican appetizer is out for revenge. Things are gonna get Fajheated up!

10 Sep 10


hey @kellyjgreer DONT DIE. I miss you.

10 Sep 10


I drank way too much coffee. Ask me stuff keep me busy.http://www.formspring.me/JennsDrunk

10 Sep 10


A condom is basically a penis snuggie

10 Sep 10


thank you? RT @unclefun @JennsDrunk it's because your cleavage looks like a beautiful ass crack.

10 Sep 10


woooah someone put this on youtube? and over 90k people watched it? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpIwGYDkTaI

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9 Sep 10


Shana Tova is trending proving once again the Jews control everything. Mwahah (use inhaler) hahaha

8 Sep 10


Oh then its def the second one. Ugh. RT @zezelic46: @JennsDrunkits either a stroke...or your pregnant either way good luck

8 Sep 10


I have been smelling toast all day. Is that a stroke? Have I been having a 5 hour stroke?

8 Sep 10


Ur sooo urban RT @DavidaBWilliams: It works for me! RT@DAChesterFrench: Is "ey shawty" an effective pick-up line for anyone?

7 Sep 10


He's my Teenage Dream RT @supergoodrca: The lyrics "Imma get your heart racing in my skin tight jeans" were written about@DavidTheHater

7 Sep 10


Suuch a Karl thing RT @jilluh: lmfao, Karl. RT @JennsDrunk: People that can't clap on beat are a rare breed of special.

7 Sep 10


People that can't clap on beat are a rare breed of special.

7 Sep 10


Being taken to Venice by @shenaeSG to bike ride on the boardwalk. Can someone please tell Cedars Sinai I'll be there in like 3 hours.

7 Sep 10


RT @thesulk: I'd rather do a week of the holocaust than try on clothes when I'm feeling all sweaty and fat.

6 Sep 10


I've seen trannys on Santa Monica in heels and a tube top that look less gay than Shane West when he cries #ineedsleep

6 Sep 10


They don't even go on a specific walk in this movie. They walk to places or from places but theres not a definitive walk. I feel lied to.

6 Sep 10


Mandy Moore has a slight lisp #ThereISaidIt

6 Sep 10


In the future people will test if someone is human or robot by making them watch "A Walk To Remember" and seeing if they cry#shanewesttears

6 Sep 10


thanz for lettin twitter kno i kno where ur dog shits RT@DavidaBWilliams @jennsdrunk thanks for helpin me find my dogs spot where he shits

6 Sep 10


I haven't loved anything this much since the last time I looked in the mirror. http://plixi.com/p/43526570

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4 Sep 10


RT @kanyewesthttp://www.kanyeuniversecity.com/blog/2010/09/devil-in-a-new-dress/ DEVIL IN A NEW DRESS have a great weekend!!!

2 Sep 10


no i'm calling assholes blind people. obviously. RT @sho4sho@JennsDrunk are you calling blind people assholes!?!?!? #racistjerk

2 Sep 10


The only people who wear sunglasses indoors are blind people and assholes.

31 Aug 10


If I only knew you on twitter Id hate you. <3 RT @carlychaikin UGHH 'm so sick of reading! I wish there were spark notes for scripts lol ;)

31 Aug 10


I'm not a strong woman, I'm a strong man with a vagina.

31 Aug 10


RT @AshleyMGreene: Goodmorning everyone! Today's going to be an amazing day! :)

30 Aug 10


Al Pacino and my Aunt Marcy from Orange County look eerily similar. #emmys

30 Aug 10


RT @thesulk: There is no 'i' in team, but there is in win.

29 Aug 10


I always wanted to make a sign with glitter pens that says glitter pen!

29 Aug 10


Up up and away! RT @shenaeSG: http://twitpic.com/2j7l90 - Sidestage @ kid cudi on sunset w @harlybauer @[email protected]! X

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29 Aug 10


RT @50cent Oh nigga now you know you love thishttp://twitpic.com/2j3ylt

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28 Aug 10


Jay, Ye, Minaj, Ross, Iver. #mindblown RT @ kanyewest 'MONSTER' second song off of me and Jay album!http://www.kanyeuniversecity.com/blog/

28 Aug 10


Sick! RT @Astro_Wheels: ‘Hurricane Danielle’ – as we passed directly overhead this evening in the central Atlantichttp://twitpic.com/2isdbk

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27 Aug 10


Ur immediate thought is going to be no but think about it. Can I have that dog? RT @DavidaBWilliams My new puppyhttp://twitpic.com/2ieuzk

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27 Aug 10


Cute pussy. #obviousjokethursdays RT @SameronHiles: This cat is a very sleepy cat http://twitpic.com/2ie768

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27 Aug 10


Its always good when you say something so weird at 10am the other person asks if you're drunk.

26 Aug 10


You make it sound like I might be in China... RT @JessicaAmento: Rise and shining while somewhere in the world, @jennsdrunk is going to bed.

26 Aug 10


I'd like to submit the title College Dropout RT @kanyewest Really close to finally picking the official album name

26 Aug 10


show was orig titled Keepin Up w the DumpTruck Ass Family RT@djsamfrench Keepin up w Kardashians is ez when their asses r big as dumptrucks

26 Aug 10


Why was Gwen Stefani walking in spider webs? That just sounds unsanitary. #pickupyourphonestefanithatsgross

26 Aug 10


Sittin outside whole foods eatin my salad makin vagina faces. Typical wednesday.

26 Aug 10


One day I wanna be in a relationship where I love a guy so much he wakes up to me holding a gun in his face. #Goodfellas

26 Aug 10


One day in Detroit and you're already getting a tramp stamp. RT@DavidTheHater Getting a "Property of @JennsDrunk" tramp stamp.#tijuana

25 Aug 10


You can always be young at heart but you will only be young once so live fast, love always, and don't ever apologize for partying.

25 Aug 10


Dear @sho4sho, I'm laying on your bed in my underwear. Love,@Jennsdrunk

25 Aug 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenHow long into going insane do you just become insane?

25 Aug 10


i LOVE this RT @hitRECordJoe: "hey don't worry, don't be afraid..ever. cause it's just a ride." -- bill hickshttp://tumblr.com/x6dgjnj8m

23 Aug 10


RT @mikead: Stephen Hawking was the original tweeter.

23 Aug 10


RT @ChileanMiner: All 33 of us are alive. Need fresh water and medical supplies. Somebody please set DVR for HBO Sunday lineup.

22 Aug 10


I'm not tryin to cock block but bitch, my friends a 9 and you're a solid 2. Step off. #youllthankmeinthemorningdude

22 Aug 10


God bless the fat friend. You stay strong sister.

22 Aug 10


I'm like fuck you, and uh, fuck her too.

21 Aug 10


No one wants to see seth rogan in 3d dude RT @DJSamFrench This Green Hornet movie looks like shit. maybe if it was in 3D itd be good.#gag

21 Aug 10


#ff my main menz @DavidTheHater @DJSamFrench @YesImWaspy@MikeJonesNYC @supergoodrca @sho4sho

21 Aug 10


I didn't lie when I said I wasn't hungover, I just omitted the part about still being drunk...

20 Aug 10


RT @PigsAndPlans Kanye West ft. Jay-Z - "Power" (Remix)http://tinyurl.com/285yg7v

20 Aug 10


ugh beyonce #ughbeyonce

19 Aug 10


u shut ur mouth thats 1 of the best movies of our time RT @__sylvia@JennsDrunk really i thought it was "drive me crazy" w melissa joan hart

19 Aug 10


Apparently Adrian Grenier is shooting a funny or die vid which is weird cause I thought Entourage was Adrian Greniers funny or die video...

19 Aug 10


Bucket list! RT @sho4sho: #oy RT @Dave90027: @sho4sho I shot you and Jenns Drunk last night leaving Trousdalehttp://twitpic.com/2fz076

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18 Aug 10


RT @johncmayer: Ladies and gentlemen, I am no longer funny on Twitter. Literally 15 attempts to write a thought dashed by my own deleting :(

18 Aug 10


Popping bottles is so 2009. Its all about eatin burgers in the club.#slidersslidemypantiesoff http://tweetphoto.com/39740278

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18 Aug 10


its weird shit like this that makes me happiest: Marcel The Shell With Shoes On http://vimeo.com/14190306

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18 Aug 10


my favorite vampire on trueblood just ate shit. ugh.#missyouvampirefranklin

18 Aug 10


SUPER MEGA POST!! RT @PigsAndPlans MP3's & Videos! The Adventures of @JennsDrunk - Outside Landshttp://tinyurl.com/262k4xo

18 Aug 10


RT @PigsAndPlans Telephoned - "O.N.E. (Yeasayer x Gyptian cover)" http://tinyurl.com/29hzvjq

18 Aug 10


oh and this one @jessicaamento http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKgFKrOvTz4&feature=related

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18 Aug 10


HAPPY BIRTHDAY @JESSICAAMENTO I MADE YOU THIS VIDEO!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cncW_TTSYU&feature=related

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17 Aug 10


"writers are vampires just looking for the right person to come along and make them human"

17 Aug 10


I don't have to pretend to be into football to get guys, I have big tits.

17 Aug 10


RT @johncmayer: Just learned that when ordering a drink, a "turkey sandwich" different than a slice or wedge.

17 Aug 10


*edit* couples are the worst RT @MikeJonesNYC Couples who call each other "babe" all the time are the worst

17 Aug 10


Hardest part about finding The Cookie Store is the fact that there is no Cookie Store#jenandjennhavelotsofimportstufftododontworryaboutit

17 Aug 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenRT @thesulk: Anyone know how to sign 'at least you'll never have to hear Primus'? Trying a positive spin.

17 Aug 10


RT @PigsAndPlans: Perajok and @KanyeWest Present: G.O.O.D. Ass Mixtape http://bit.ly/9P87Qn

16 Aug 10


awesome. RT @MayerHawthorne Teenage Mutant Ninja Trashhttp://tweetphoto.com/39068445

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16 Aug 10


Hi mom! RT @grumpymunchkin2: Just showed my mom the@JennsDrunk video. She's dying of laughter

16 Aug 10


Hey @djbroc @samuelsamuel changin golden summers to golden showers in "I heart NY" makes the song a lot better. Think about it for a remix.

16 Aug 10


And she looks GREAT #thereIsaidit RT @supergoodrca: Lea Michele has an eating disorder. #ThereISaidIt

16 Aug 10


RT @funnyordie: People at Juggalo conventions who throw rocks at Tila Tequila have probably never heard the one about stones & glass houses.

16 Aug 10


...Like we did it all summer long. Phoenix.http://tweetphoto.com/39276397

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16 Aug 10


Chromeo givin me that bonafied lurvinhttp://tweetphoto.com/39270566

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16 Aug 10


#blackberrygirlscout RT @_seltz_: @jennsdrunk always prepared to charge her Blackberry Torch. #productplacementhttp://yfrog.com/7famdfj

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16 Aug 10


Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros rocking out so hard.#stagerage http://tweetphoto.com/39253809

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16 Aug 10


To all the people waiting to hear "that song from 500 days of summer" - I dislike you.

16 Aug 10


Temper Trap. No zoom needed. #insideoutsidelandshttp://tweetphoto.com/39239550

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16 Aug 10


Just came RT @kanyewest An I'm honored that you like my Music@JustinBieber! You gotta hear the album. Maybe we can do something together.

15 Aug 10


Everyone should know @sho4sho's bbm name right now is OshoCinco @ogochocinco #imagaymarryyoujenshorr

15 Aug 10


RT @caffadeus: #shoutout to @JennsDrunk 's vagina.

15 Aug 10


Update 2: the strangers and us have really bonded during an impromtu Taio Cruz sing along

15 Aug 10


Oh thank god the new @katyperry song is on in this unmakred white van we got in. #teenagedream

15 Aug 10


Update: rick the driver is a raging a-hole. Don't ever let him give you a ride in San Francisco. Uggh gimme chicken fingers

15 Aug 10


Obviously Im in a random airport van with strangers in San Francisco. There are two story taco bell/kfc's here. Can't stop won't stop. #rage

15 Aug 10


The motherfucking Strokes http://tweetphoto.com/39082596

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15 Aug 10


Cool thanks RT @Elissa87: @ReleaseTheEvil you must follow@jennsdrunk. even if shes not as funny these days..shes still entertaining.

14 Aug 10


RT @PigsAndPlans: #nowplaying Nobody gives a fuck what you're listening to, ever. Stop it.

14 Aug 10


and pregnant. RT @funnyordie The coolest thing about alcohol is that it gets you drunk.

14 Aug 10


My mom really wants me to find a nice Jewish boy so I'm gonna go to Canter's drop some rufies in some matzoh ball soup. #jewfies

14 Aug 10


woah famous! RT @laurenconrad #ff @sameronhiles

14 Aug 10


<3 thanz jew RT @ty_fed i love this video!!!!!!!!!! http://bit.ly/6P3G6u@jennsdrunk

14 Aug 10


Exactly what i said when i blew @johncmayer RT @EatMorePez@JennsDrunk u look way to bored for some1 not wearing pantshttp://bit.ly/9Tw1XW

14 Aug 10


FedEx RT @sho4sho what other types of deliveries are there? RT@johannabyer do you feel like you've just experienced a vaginal delivery?

14 Aug 10


WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DONT LOOK LIKE MEGAN FOX?!!?

14 Aug 10


Does anyone have like 2 million dollars, a horse, and a RED camera I can borrow. Or have.

14 Aug 10


Someone follow this kid before he pulls all his eyebrow hairs out RT@SameronHiles #FF @SameronHiles

13 Aug 10


The chick in the wheelchair in Notting Hill could REALLY get it#youwontfeelathingipromiseRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

13 Aug 10


MTV you should probably play music videos if you're going to have the video music awards...#sellouts #jiveRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

13 Aug 10


Freelance Whales. Not Freeland. I knew that. I didn't not know that.

13 Aug 10


Freeland Whales and Tokyo Police Club at The El Rey with the always over enthusiastic @DavidTheHater

13 Aug 10


hey @rillawafers. Miss you.

13 Aug 10


RT @Jamiereed "BeBitched" @JennsDrunk as Samantha Paul Walker as Darren. She twinkles her nose for reasons completely unrelated to magic

13 Aug 10

Noah Harald @NoahHarald Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Dear Nerds, go see Scott Pilgrim in theatres and support the movies you hype up. Or don't complain when Marmaduke 2 comes out.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

13 Aug 10


RT @DavidTheHater: Paul Walker & Hayden Christensen in the same film!? Its just like when Pacino and De Niro team up. #oscarbuzz#bonercity

13 Aug 10


does anyone want to drive to san fran with me friday night? I'll literally go with anyone. Murders, rapists, Gingers...anyone.

13 Aug 10


RT @PigsAndPlans I retweeted @jennsdrunk and now@safepregnancy is following me.

12 Aug 10


Oh shit, I'm so sorry, can you pick that up for me? Yeah, that name on the floor, I must have dropped it, thanks.

12 Aug 10


Where's Bryan Greenberg?!

12 Aug 10


@djbroc ya I deleted tjhat tweet shut up leave me alone

12 Aug 10


RT @MrJPatt: Watching people dance to dubstep is like watching retards...

12 Aug 10


He's sippin hard on that haterade RT @SameronHiles: @djbroc k, such a hater tonight

12 Aug 10


Full intense mid-performance eyefuck w drake. Eye'm pregnant.

12 Aug 10


"Oh yeah, that's right, I'm doin me."http://tweetphoto.com/38383401

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12 Aug 10


Shit just got so real. http://tweetphoto.com/38377228

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12 Aug 10


Khaki cut offs? Cukhakis? RT @ScottyRaf: Do hipsters ever wear khakis? Skinny khakis?

12 Aug 10


BlackBerry Torch party. Drakes performing. Gonna tell him were goin home together buuuuuut you can thank meh nowww

12 Aug 10


RT @midnightmariel: "Camping is not fun. Its just something poor people do for vacations"

12 Aug 10


Ughhhhh just knocked my southwest chicken salad off the table. There's corn in my Marc Jacobs loafers. The world may as well be over.

12 Aug 10


RT @MrJPatt: "Everyone else is doing it" is the best reason not to do something.

12 Aug 10


#bieber RT @jakesandvig: ME TOO!!!! #OMG #BFF #bieber RT@BrookeVallone: Coffee <3

11 Aug 10


RT @kanyewest: Life is awesome

11 Aug 10


Exactly RT @sho4sho Wait, Do you mean either have sexual intercourse or dismiss it completely? RT @JennsDrunk: If you cant fuck it, fuck it.

11 Aug 10


A big thanks to Drew Barrymores lisp for hosting the @nylonmagparty!

11 Aug 10


RT @shenaeSG: http://twitpic.com/2dlu4h - At @nylonmag event with @jennsdrunk @sho4sho and @ccsheffield wearing my "cheetah wizard cape"! X

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11 Aug 10


You sure you're not just stalkin my twitter #boomroasted RT @djbroc:@JennsDrunk saw you correct that #istayrefreshingmyshit

11 Aug 10


When there's no more bathroom line...partys over.#nomorelinenomorelines

11 Aug 10


People ask me HEY! @Jennsdrunk how you got so many followers?! And I say, simple swallowers get followers. #openbar

11 Aug 10


Ugh our names look so great together. RT @CzarOfRussia:@eLsquaredd do you follow @jennsdrunk @davidthehater ?

11 Aug 10


My beautiful and talented hooker friend @shenaeSG directed the most epic of music videos. Check it out! http://bit.ly/aC0lfG

11 Aug 10


Im a schill? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shill RT @bozthx@JennsDrunk Wow, glad I un-followed you a long time ago. You are a lame schill.

11 Aug 10


If you cant fuck it, fuck it.

11 Aug 10


Tonights @nylonmag party is open bar. You know what poor people do at an open bar? They get fucked up. #nomoneynoproblems

11 Aug 10


Old. Asian. Woman. Bad driver trifecta.

11 Aug 10


RT @YesImWaspy My faggy hipster brother calld my Porsche insulting So I gave his fixed gear bike to a lil black kid. Have fun walkin to Yoga

11 Aug 10


I'm gonna get a horse, put a lightning bolt on its head, and name is Harry Trotter.

10 Aug 10


RT @SameronHiles: Not having service at the jane sucks

10 Aug 10


Go onset adult diabetes or go home!http://tweetphoto.com/38004962

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10 Aug 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenNew fave # #DOUCHELORD! RT @8449: It's cool that@supergoodrca is tweeting, especially since he is ignoring my BBMs#douchelord

10 Aug 10


Nothing says "I'm a serious writer you should pick up my show" like wearing an arm full of silly bandz into a meeting.

9 Aug 10


RT @Johncmayer Yo Twitter, u up? Need to talk to u. Let me know if I shouldnt come over. On the way to u now. Need to fall asleep with you.

9 Aug 10


Rice Erroneous - The irrelevant San Francisco treat

9 Aug 10


eggplant parm has cheese @sho4sho your move#OMGeggplantparmfacts

9 Aug 10


So good. #bieberfever RT @PigsAndPlans Video & MP3! Neon Trees - "Baby (Justin Bieber Cover)" http://tinyurl.com/2fgaz5o

8 Aug 10


Tagline for Yogi Bear movie is "Good things come in bears" As offensive as that sounds the original was "Yogi, u got jizz in my eye. Again."

8 Aug 10


Idk why girls complain so much about date rape. He took you out to dinner didn't he? #dontbeselfish

8 Aug 10


Bust out the Jameson and hide the 16 year old pop sensations the bitch is black. I mean back. Wait, no, I mean black. #wheresseacrest

8 Aug 10


RT @supergoodrca All these ppl goin to @lollapalooza look dumb. They clearly dont kno how to festival. Berkenstocks? Really? This isnt phish

8 Aug 10


I'm comin home fuckers! Los Angeles I will see you tonight. Can't wait to be inside you...raw...

7 Aug 10


Guest list only RT @TheRadler_ OMG @JennsDrunk is dead! memorial service tmrw/12p @ The Jane Hotel. Ashes scattered @ Kenmare #dontleave

5 Aug 10


RT @kanyewest: Tell everyone at the label only use Gothic or Helvetic fonts for email blast unless I otherwise approve

4 Aug 10


RT @michaelianblack: Justin Bieber in 3D? And you thought movie theater floors were sticky before.

3 Aug 10


Happy birthday to my best friend, who I absolutely adooooore,@ElenaFranklin!!! #ittakestwoandapeguinhttp://tweetphoto.com/36557673

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3 Aug 10


This video combines two of my favorite things sultry R&B and head accessories. Hood @ <3 http://tinyurl.com/26n57la

3 Aug 10


shark weak #youseewhatididthere

3 Aug 10


RT @supergoodrca: Eat, Pray, Get The Fuck Out Of My Face.

2 Aug 10


You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude.

1 Aug 10


Hey @sho4sho heard you're getting fat #boomroasted

1 Aug 10


so you finally read through your own tweets huh? RT@DavidaBWilliams I just exacto knifed myself.

1 Aug 10


Jokes on you I'm not a girl! RT @dfrent Yall follow @jennsdrunk . Saw a vid and she has nice boobs, and is funny... For a girl.

1 Aug 10


I got someone pretending to be me on twitter! Thats so awesome and unsettling! @JennsDrunkAgain srsly??!

1 Aug 10


RT @kanyewest: I love me

31 Jul 10


All Guns N Roses everything RT @FierMe: When the hipsters stop dancing that's when I like to kick it up a notch.

31 Jul 10


@samuelsamuel RT @kanyewest: I don't own own a phone so no tweets in the club... lap tops are hard to dance with hahahahaaha

31 Jul 10


Stop messin w my steeze Ye. Bff? RT @kanyewest: Hey no more drunk tweeets!!!!!! hahaha

31 Jul 10


Music makes the world go 'round #ff @PigsAndPlans@DJSamFrench @neongoldrecords @theknockz @djbroc @MrJPatt

31 Jul 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenHot tune comin through! RT @PigsAndPlans The Knocks - "Make It Better" + Remixes!! http://tinyurl.com/27tbhx8

31 Jul 10


I'm not crying cause I'm upset I'm just trying to lose some of this water weight before going out to East Hampton #whitegirlproblems

30 Jul 10


RT @kanyewest I specifically ordered persian rugs w cherub imagry!!! What do I have to do to get a simple persian rug w cherub imagery uuugh

29 Jul 10


If you're grabbin dick in the street I respect you

29 Jul 10


#great RT @neongoldrecords: Not gonna lie, its true. RT@JennsDrunk Hey @neongoldrecords you look great. #youlookgreat

29 Jul 10


I just wanna rage and I want everyone to rage with me. The United Stated of Ragemerica!

29 Jul 10


Hey @neongoldrecords you look great. #youlookgreat

29 Jul 10


RT @JewSqueeze: There's two shitty things I don't fuck around with: cheap coke and cheap sushi.

29 Jul 10


I wanna love you but you can't stand still.

29 Jul 10


Crushing hard on @thepostelles as they crush hard at Bowery Ballroom. http://tweetphoto.com/35491574

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29 Jul 10


If Kristen Stewart had a shoe line she could call it KShew. You see what I did there? #zing

29 Jul 10


RT @DavidTheHater Luke Wilson I take your current weight as a personal insult. #throwupmore

29 Jul 10


shit. RT @chicky i've unretired

29 Jul 10


RT @PigsAndPlans: Boom. @KanyeWest

29 Jul 10


Furthermore "Ridin high in April, Shot down in May." Riding high only to be shot down? sounds like a gang anthem to me #latinkings

29 Jul 10


Frank Sinatra is kind of a liar. "That's life, thats what all the people say..." Theres no way he talked to ALL the people.

29 Jul 10

Michael Ian Black @michaelianblack Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Read my thoughts on stabbing people here:http://tinyurl.com/cebf44Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

29 Jul 10


So I fell asleep spooning a bag of weed while watching the pilot of Dawsons Creek? So what? #idontwannawaitformylifetobeover

28 Jul 10


HEY! I respect animals RT @SuchDualities I resent being compared 2 @jennsdrunk I have 2 much respect for animals children n sobriety 2 b her

28 Jul 10


I need more responsibility in my life so I think I'm gonna get a tomagachi.

28 Jul 10


Hey! @ThisisWilkes clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!

27 Jul 10


Dudes who still rock sideways trucker hats are totes jk-ing right?

26 Jul 10


RT @aaronkaczander: You've gotta have a lot of nerve to sit outside Urth Café on a bright Sunday afternoon and be ugly.

25 Jul 10


Gonna marry @PigsAndPlans.

25 Jul 10


@neongoldrecords hahahaa


24 Jul 10


I meant insert joke. Cool. That went well. Nevermind. #ughimsorryokRT @JennsDrunk: (Insert about "eating you" here) RT @DaveighC:

24 Jul 10


(Insert about "eating you" here) RT @DaveighC: When I die I want my body 2 e used as fertilizer for potatoes to make french fries n eat them

24 Jul 10


"You can save that drama for another day ayyyyy were gonna have a good day!" Nappy Roots #countrygurlhttp://tweetphoto.com/34540509

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24 Jul 10


Bought a 40. Couldn't finish it in my apt. Put it in a water bottle. Cruisin the streets. #cantstopwontstop

24 Jul 10

MrJPatt™ @MrJPatt Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

No it's ok because tripping over something in a crowded area was on my list of goals for today, so it's all goodRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

24 Jul 10


Miss you @PigsAndPlans http://tweetphoto.com/34464736

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23 Jul 10


I have become another child. I wake to see the world go wild. -all Ginsberg everything

23 Jul 10


Written about me #duh RT @djbroc: Jenny from the block is such a fucking TUNE

23 Jul 10


All airhorn everything

23 Jul 10


I've spent soooo many hours of my life wandering around looking for the place that smells like chicken

23 Jul 10


i love craigslisthttp://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/etc/1856761742.html

23 Jul 10


Im not not dolo rahjing to Destinys Childs first album#afternooncasual RT @ThisisWilkes: @JennsDrunk wheres a drunk Jenn when you need one?

23 Jul 10


Stealth RT @ZimmyMoon @JennsDrunk follow @ZimmyMoon

23 Jul 10


http://tweetphoto.com/34223213 Private Edward Sharpe show at Webster Hall Studio. Home is where-ever Im with (cont)http://tl.gd/2m9h4k

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22 Jul 10


The heartbreakers are usually the most heartbroken

22 Jul 10


Keep your nose out the sky, keep your heart to God, and keep your face to the risin' sun

22 Jul 10


RT @thesulk: I'm either unhappy or pretending to be happy. :)

22 Jul 10


I wanna hold you while you hold her. RT @FierMe: @TheRadler_ I wanna hold you.

22 Jul 10


RT @mybandowen: pretty excited to watch Mike Huckabee on Wendy Williams. #fatfucks #everythingwrongwithsociety#shutthefuckup #thereisnogod

22 Jul 10


RT @IfICagedRPatz: i'd make him show up to #ComicCon with a trashbag full of bees

21 Jul 10


I like to go one past that "I shouldn't drink this" drink but not so far that I'm gonna vom. Keeps me youthful (drunk).

21 Jul 10


Hot Balls On (me)? RT @DJSamFrench: Homos bending over? RT@JennsDrunk: My favorite acronym is HBO.

21 Jul 10


I used the word acronym right, right? #ishouldhavefinishedcollegeRT @JennsDrunk: My favorite acronym is HBO.

21 Jul 10


My favorite acronym is HBO.

21 Jul 10


# shots. # dick. #shotsanddick

21 Jul 10


So fetch. RT @DJSamFrench: To Lohan!http://tweetphoto.com/33946339

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21 Jul 10


Ugh so worth it. #goodmorningwood RT @DJSamFrench: Follow me and ill dick-pic you

21 Jul 10


Hey @sho4sho NOW THROW YOUR HANDS UP IN THE SKY!!!!#GoodLife

21 Jul 10


<3 Mike Posner RT @PigsAndPlans: Mike Posner - "Please Don't Go" http://tinyurl.com/26nt33g

21 Jul 10


My address? Second star to the right and straight on til morning#neverLAnd

21 Jul 10


RT @IfICagedRPatz: i'd make him eat canned corn with his hands for 3 days

21 Jul 10


Stay strong @lindsaylohan!!!! I made this for you I'm gonna mail it to you in the clink xoxo http://tweetphoto.com/33880933

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21 Jul 10


If ya status aint hood I aint checkin for you better be street if you're lookin at me (just kidding you have to be a skinny white dude)

21 Jul 10


When you enroll at NYU are students given a guide to looking as stupid as possible? #urbanoutfitterscatalogue

21 Jul 10


Hi! RT @shittyDJ "it just means I dont want 2 b publicly linked 2 u n ur not funny on the internet" @jennsdrunkhttp://FunnyOrDie.com/m/3ho0

20 Jul 10


'S List. Ha. #myfriendshavedayjobsleavingmeunsupervisedhttp://tweetphoto.com/33710839

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20 Jul 10


Why is it ok when a 3 year old screams, cries, runs around in circles, and then demands chocolate milk but when I do it its blasphemy?

20 Jul 10


Yeah lady, my hands down my pants. Its hot. Get over it.#dontbejelly

19 Jul 10


#fags RT @DJSamFrench: Handsome kid RT @djbroc: Ryan Sheckler in the club?

19 Jul 10


If you don't look good in the dark that's a bad sign.

19 Jul 10


@hertzy77 there's this other option on either of your phones called a text message. Use it. Homo.

In reply to @_mhertz

18 Jul 10


RT @TheRadler_: Whatever @JennsDrunk says

18 Jul 10


RT @FierMe: DJ just played Kesha into Nirvana...this is why Kurt Cobain killed himself.

18 Jul 10


The only kind of sponsor I know #absolutjennsdrunkhttp://tweetphoto.com/33323105

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18 Jul 10


Theres an app for that? RT @DJSamFrench If u get a txt from me but still have me on bbm, it doesnt mean I got an iphone, it means I'm drunk

18 Jul 10


Sometimes you get drunk and tenderly hug a sign thinking its your best friend @sho4sho #slamdunkatthebuzzerhttp://tweetphoto.com/33262247

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17 Jul 10


Pretty Little Liars http://tweetphoto.com/33156512

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17 Jul 10


Cool glow in the dark bag which kiosk at the mall did you get that gem #gobacktolongisland

17 Jul 10


Hamptons. Raging. #goodlife RT @supergoodrca: Where's@jennsdrunk?

17 Jul 10


#inaperfectworld RT @IfICagedRPatz: i'd make him be the unofficial face of Chick-Fil-A

16 Jul 10


*raises hand* RT @JessicaAmento: Which one of you bitches gave my number out to Frankie in the West Village? @JennsDrunk@BrookeVallone

16 Jul 10


RT @djbroc: GUYS- u can now download 10 of the remixes/mashups heard on The Transplant 2 here -http://soundcloud.com/thetransplant2edits

15 Jul 10


New York smells like pancakes!

15 Jul 10


Lesbians get so touchy when you accidentally call them sir.

15 Jul 10


Who eats tuna on a redeye?! Guy thinks he can just pollute the entire plane with his smelly snack. That shit might fly on Delta but not here

15 Jul 10


Lax. Boob fell out a little. #checkmate RT @DavidTheHater Goin to the Viper Room. Not wearing underpants. Your move. #riverphoenix

15 Jul 10


I'm just gonna hop from one adventure to the next until I die, which at the rate I'm going could be next week.

15 Jul 10


hot song for a hot summer RT @PigsAndPlans New! The Naked and Famous - "Young Blood" http://tinyurl.com/23fmoam

14 Jul 10


Why do you think I'm going to NY #remixedweddingbellz RT@SuchDualities @pigsandplans @jennsdrunk You guys need to get married all ready.

14 Jul 10


@PigsAndPlans don't tweet and blog and not answer my important email regarding hanging out with me when I get to NY. Asshole.

14 Jul 10


The "loaded sigh" is the hiroshima bomb of passive aggressive warfare.

14 Jul 10


I love this so much. RT @mikead: Kid's hilariously sad letter from camp. http://twitpic.com/2516pd

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14 Jul 10


When someone seriously calls a night-time establishment "the club" it says so much about them in so little words.

13 Jul 10


Playing catch the lucky charm mashmellow in your mouth and by lucky charm marshmellow I mean percocet.

13 Jul 10


He's a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde reading, Streissand ticket holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'm saying?

13 Jul 10


be there. RT @PigsAndPlans Village Voice Siren Music Festivalhttp://tinyurl.com/24emofh

13 Jul 10


RT @funnyordie Why are the only options go big or go home? Can't you go medium then hang out at your friend's place for a while?

12 Jul 10


RT @YesImWaspy: Will someone please tell my "sponsor" that drinking non alcoholic beer is like fingering a girl over her pants.

12 Jul 10


She's drunk #otherjensdrunk RT @sho4sho: I'm drunk

11 Jul 10


RT @YesImWaspy My mom just showed up to my intervention with 3 bottles of white wine and asparagus sandwiches. Turned out to be a nice event

11 Jul 10


...Really? RT @MellyJHart Mason pulling a Groucho with my fake lashes... http://tweetphoto.com/31579243

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10 Jul 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenLooking back, Clarissa didn't explain very much did she. That show should have been called Clarissa Explains One, Maybe Two Things.

10 Jul 10


Nailed it! RT @SupergoodRCA if you like voicenotes, going to see eclipse without me and hiding it, and sleeping past 11am follow@JennsDrunk

10 Jul 10

Zach Suchin @SuchmanStunna Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Steve Jobs announced the new LeBron James iPhone. Works pretty well but you can't tell when someone's calling you because it has no ring.Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

10 Jul 10


#ff is kinda the gayest but you should #ff @davidthehater@yesimwaspy @mikejonesNYC @ian_dal

9 Jul 10


Its so hard to find that middle ground btwn smoking a lil pot to be creative and smoking so much pot uve eaten all 6 strawberry popsicles

9 Jul 10


I like to eat nerds while I listen to post rock gothic instrumental music. Takes the edge off.

9 Jul 10


: ) : (bipolar smiley face)

9 Jul 10


Whats up? Danger boots... RT @PigsAndPlans Video! Tokyo Poice Club - "Wait Up (Boots Of Danger)" http://tinyurl.com/2aquxyn

9 Jul 10


Cats suck. This guy rawks.http://www.familybiking.com.tw/lost_cat.html

8 Jul 10


Love hard when there is love to be had.

8 Jul 10


Didnt get my bro a bday pres cuz I took a really long nap and had to go see eclipse so as my gift Im getting him followers? Follow@hertzy77

8 Jul 10


Miley Cyrus plays a teen torn between being a popstar and a regular girl who loves habachi food in, Benihana Montana. #summer2011

8 Jul 10


Its Business-Lady Casual night at Benihana!http://tweetphoto.com/31417265

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8 Jul 10


Im my mind, Keanu Reeves is the official mascot of all natural disasters.

8 Jul 10


Happy Birthday to my big brother @hertzy77 I got you this!http://tinyurl.com/25vosld

7 Jul 10


Real Exciting Love Affair That turns Into Ongoing Nightmare, Sobriety Hangs In Perril. #RELATIONSHIP

7 Jul 10


My brother has a smart ass smart phone.http://tweetphoto.com/31249964

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7 Jul 10


I just saw a homeless man that looked EXACTLY like Slyvester Stallone...or Slyvester Stallone.

7 Jul 10


The writer part of me eats whatever I want and then the actress part of my throws it up. #teamwork

7 Jul 10


The best part about Lindsay Lohan going to jail is THERES STILL OIL SPILLING INTO THE GULF!

7 Jul 10


So hawt RT @AshleyMGreene: RT @EmDaAshleyGFan@AshleyMGreene @jennsdrunk http://twitpic.com/1iq5x5 - mmm :D i like this picture very much

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7 Jul 10


Of course on my day full of law enforcement/court tweets@lindsaylohan one ups me by getting setenced to 90 days in jail.#ugh

7 Jul 10


I like it when law enforcement calls me by my indian name "stop crying little white girl"

7 Jul 10


RT @thesulk: I'm Jewish vain. I think about myself all the time but I think I'm terrible.

7 Jul 10


This line at the courthouse downtown is absolutely outrageous. Its times like these I wish I was Jason Bateman.

7 Jul 10


RT @countingcrows: Honeychild's NEARER THE EARTH is the shit! AND it's FREE @ http://tinyurl.com/HCStore. Twitter follow 'em@Honeychildband

7 Jul 10


*blushes* RT @yerlanlevi: @JennsDrunk YOU IS BEATIFULL

6 Jul 10


You can RT @JennsDrunk: Can you trip on tylenol pm or is that just with ambien, asking for a friend. (Shhh the friend is me)

6 Jul 10


Can you trip on tylenol pm or is that just with ambien, asking for a friend. (Shhh the friend is me)

6 Jul 10


"The only calendar I follow is that of circumstance and desire" -@clarkduke

6 Jul 10


Best thing about getting your heart broken for the first time is it can never happen for the first time ever again.

6 Jul 10


RT @DavidTheHater My ideal woman is a mixture of Natalie Portman, Nancy Reagan, and Helen Keller. #DeafDumbAndFine

6 Jul 10


I might sell some of my stuff. Does anyone want some stuff? Clothes, jewelry, a book on childhood diabetes that I got from Jeff Garlin...

6 Jul 10


YES!! This is exactly what I wanted THANK YOU RT @Bandsintown@JennsDrunk http://fuckyeahclassical.tumblr.com/ is pretty awesome

6 Jul 10


I don't care if the things full of rocks and paper clips you do not decline a gift bag. #jewgirlproblems

6 Jul 10


I dont put hearts over my i's when I spell Bieber#SophistocatedPedophile RT @danekees @JennsDrunk wuz here?http://tweetphoto.com/31051858

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6 Jul 10


six. RT @robertfrancisla How many people do u have to wait in line for who are getting coked out so you can just go pee.

6 Jul 10


I cant believe our President AND The Karate Kid is black. #progress

6 Jul 10


Rage!...oh wait I fucked it up. RT @DJSamFrench: I say rage, you say fest

6 Jul 10


@fierme hi

5 Jul 10


Bowling in a mansion in beverly hills. God bless America. #usa

5 Jul 10


RT @DAVID_LYNCH I'm pretty sure I'm connected to the moon.

1 Jul 10

Yes I'm Waspy @YesImWaspy Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

My Lawyer is making do community service at a camp for retards. I don't care what your sitch is, I don't "Lose" at tennis. Ever#yesimwaspyRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

5 Jul 10


http://tweetphoto.com/30874849 This lil guy follows me now. NBD. Its not a big deal. Just me and my close (cont) http://tl.gd/2a8qh4

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5 Jul 10


there are thousands of music blogs dedicated to crap but I cant find ONE good fucking classical music blog?! #ragevilliagepopulationme

4 Jul 10


Taking applications for new best friends. Look for a sassy fashionable tall dude, a tech savvy girl who gets me cookies, and a phish fan.

4 Jul 10


where was I?! RT @jamie_cupcake @jennsdrunk was here.... Name that place <3 http://tweetphoto.com/30679678

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4 Jul 10


'm thinking of adopting a kid I can hang out with. I would teach it cool tricks and we could eat cut up hot dogs. Seems like a win, win.

3 Jul 10


Me at 10 years old performing at The Laugh Factoryhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_r9m0MjnTJE

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3 Jul 10


featherstone way is a real dick. ha. #googleearthhttp://tinyurl.com/2unqvzq

3 Jul 10


I don't know who you are @yesimwaspy but I love you. #ff@yesimwaspy if I could crush this twitter up and snort it i would.

3 Jul 10


Do you work for BP now? RT @MrDeutch Bad things happening for good reasons

3 Jul 10


Just bought www.OMGlookatthatbaby.com you better watch your fuckin back @tfln. I'm comin for your Webby. #ismokedoldweed

3 Jul 10


Has anyone seen that episode of I Love Lucy where there's that hilarious misunderstanding?

3 Jul 10


I like to make Facebook event invites asking guys to sleep with me and then RSVPing maybe so I seem hard to get.

3 Jul 10


You know I want to go in the pool more than anything but I JUST straightened my hair #jewgirlproblems

3 Jul 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenRT @YesImWaspy: You know what rhymes with the 4th of July?...D.U.I. #yesimwaspy

3 Jul 10


There are two kinds of people in this world; people with emotions and people who make a lot of money.

3 Jul 10


MY NEW SUMMER MIX "THE TRANSPLANT II" IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD http://bit.ly/aTXTaJ IN PERFECT TIME FOR YOUR BBQS AND RAGERZRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

3 Jul 10


You find me a young guy more dreamy on screen than Zac Efron and I will eat my sock. And my shoe. And the other sock.

3 Jul 10


RT @sho4sho: ANYONE NEED A COUCH??? #fuckyourcouchhttp://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/fuo/1823024148.html

2 Jul 10


Build a bear dirctions (choose me, stuff me, fluff me, dress me, name me, take me home) is coincidentaly the exact same thing I say to dudes

2 Jul 10


Happy birthday to my favorite actress @lindsaylohan!!!!!!

2 Jul 10


I can change, I can change, I can change, I can change, if it helps you fall in love.

2 Jul 10


I just wanna take this time to remind everyone 50 cent got shot 8 or 9 times (I can't remember). #neverforget

2 Jul 10


Nothing like overhearing the super bro next to me yell "movie times for twilight" into his iPhone.

2 Jul 10


RT @supergoodrca I dont wanna sound like an asshole but, if ur cat goes missing, don't waste paper on missing ads. Your cats gone. Move on.

2 Jul 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenLady Cave #ThingsICallMyVagina

2 Jul 10


Ugh, I hate standing up

2 Jul 10


@hertzy77 she's super busy today #jasonbatemaniphone4

In reply to @_mhertz

2 Jul 10


Good for you guys! RT @shenaeSG: Happppppy Canada Day! Woo!

1 Jul 10


#RageAnthem RT @PigsAndPlans Exclusive! @theknockz - "Something I Can Dance To" http://tinyurl.com/2d24raz

30 Jun 10


My favorite openly gay spanish quartet @honeychildband! RT@PigsAndPlans: HoneyChild - "Driving Song"http://tinyurl.com/2d3gjk3

30 Jun 10


RT @andrewdkeller: frat bros are the new indie rock kids.

30 Jun 10


Will someone (@sho4sho) please bring me a snack (snickers) and hug me (fix my internet)

30 Jun 10


Why do people think telling a cranky person they seem cranky is helpful? This doesn't make me less cranky it makes me more homicidal.

30 Jun 10


Cool internet thanks for crapping out on me after I finished a post that took me 30 minutes to write but before I could post it. Stupendous.

30 Jun 10


im tired. watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91dLiozxRY0

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30 Jun 10


RT @MrDeutch: Free coffee bean today 4-7pm. I think its only iced drinks but that's all I do. Enjoy!

29 Jun 10


nevermind @honeychildband i got it here http://tinyurl.com/26t85usthanks for nothing. talk to you never. (go download this album its good)

29 Jun 10


hey @honeychildband you've sent your cd to everyone I know but me. Is it cause im Jewish? It's rude. #worldcup

29 Jun 10


Will 3 of you follow her so she stops bothering me. Please. <3 RT@JessicaAmento @jennsdrunk can you send me 3 of your followers?

29 Jun 10


This breaks my heart. If you can help, please do. RT @johncmayerhttp://bit.ly/avr7Eg Let's turn on the Internet Goodness Machine.

28 Jun 10


@chowwmein big daddy

In reply to @null

28 Jun 10


You're mad at your dad not at me I FORGIVE YOU!

28 Jun 10


RT @DavidTheHater I hate people who dream of being astronauts. You too good for Earth? #tomhanks

27 Jun 10


hey @Brieleee youre my seven thousanth follower thats cool miss you

27 Jun 10


If I say hi to you and it seems like I don't know who you are...I have no fucking idea who you are man

27 Jun 10


My heartbeat feels like a dubstep track.

27 Jun 10


Just like The Blind Side #truestory RT @DJSamFrench: "I live my life in the VIP section" - @JennsDrunk

27 Jun 10


Happy birthday to the sexiest most well endowed manboy in the greater los angeles area @jamiereed #vivalapipiscane

27 Jun 10


You're in Florida?! RT @shenaeSG: It's a state and it's sunny and I'm here now. Yuck it up kids

26 Jun 10


Its a really real moment when you put your hand in the goldfish bag you've just bought only to realize you've eaten all of it.

26 Jun 10


RT @MrJPatt: Oh ya, plus r.i.p mj for sure.. Right?

26 Jun 10


Electric Daisy Carnival. #EDC http://tweetphoto.com/29151734

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26 Jun 10


Bros LOVE electro

26 Jun 10


Hysterical crying with @supergoodrca at the top of this ferris wheel. You know, cause its friday... #EDC http://tweetphoto.com/29136664

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26 Jun 10


The urban communities affinity for matching their hair color to their automobile color is super on point #WeavesAndWhips

26 Jun 10


One day ima marry @PigsAndPlans he just doesn't know it yet.#soulmates #innanetlurve

26 Jun 10

HoneyChild @HoneyChildBand Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Available for FREE DOWNLOAD! "The Father" only athttp://www.myspace.com/honeychildband Share The Link with everyone! - erikRetweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

26 Jun 10


3 things u must have if ur apt if u want me to cum over. Extensive RnB collection, noncreaky door so I can exit shady bounce, and cookies.

26 Jun 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenI hate judgemental postal workers. Dont u give me that face cause I signd for my package w out pants on.

25 Jun 10


Fuck you! Now we need make 8 gallons of bug juice by snack hour do you know where the powder packets are? #Gene

25 Jun 10


This is my "I'm getting french fries at mcdonalds at 245 am" facehttp://tweetphoto.com/29020033

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25 Jun 10


If you're gonna be fake be fake but don't be fake about being fake. Nahmean. #bitchrulez

25 Jun 10


Everyone MUST watch this. You can thank meh now RT@PigsAndPlans Drake documentary Better Than Good yet, watch it here http://bit.ly/aaj6H4

24 Jun 10


The only promise anyone's ever kept is promising they can't promise anything.

24 Jun 10


Such a sassy young lady. The girl interviewings aright too I guess. RT @clarkduke my friend interviewed Justin Beiber:http://bit.ly/c7FliH

24 Jun 10


Of course I do that's my favorite installment of the Twilight saga! RT@supergoodrca @JennsDrunk wanna watch Remember Me?

24 Jun 10


Do it! Do it! RT @PigsAndPlans: Yo go here and vote for Pigeons and Planes, obviously http://idek.net/20be

24 Jun 10


Who wrote that? Great quote. RT @djbroc "If Katy Perrys California Girls is a Virus, this is the antidote" http://bit.ly/asCOT2

24 Jun 10


This song is like a cold lemonade on a hot summer day#SummerJam RT @PigsAndPlans Samuel "I Heart NY"http://tinyurl.com/25v8xgm

23 Jun 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · Open"You're racist. Ima tell PETA." -@lisamarstelly @PETA battling animal rights...and racism? #deepthoughtswithdrunkgirls

23 Jun 10


I love chicken fingers.

23 Jun 10


Beautiful! RT @CzarOfRussia This JAP on "your cut off" looks like@SarahKSilverman and @JennsDrunk had a chainsmoking acne scared baby

23 Jun 10


Just cause you're under 6 doesnt mean you can just be an asshole willy nilly. Get it together you guys.

23 Jun 10


anti marijuana ads make me angry. Thats like an anti rainbow ad or an anti chocolate bar ad. you feel me?

22 Jun 10


Today's been so full of sunshine I put on some Olafur Arnalds and poured water on the outside of my window so it looked like rain#imsoemo

22 Jun 10


Hey! dude with the NY license plate holding up traffic, why don't you do what you do best and take a fuckin cab next time.

21 Jun 10


Oh hellz yes Ron "I'd like to thank my psychiatrist" Artest brings the jam jamz "Champions" http://tinyurl.com/245m586

21 Jun 10


There's a fine line between substance abuse and substance appreciation, but don't worry I just did it.

21 Jun 10


If I don't feel dead inside by Sunday night the weekend wasn't a success.

21 Jun 10


Remember how you have my number and can text me things like this RT @JessicaAmento: @JennsDrunk remember Ken Farmer?

21 Jun 10


If ur going to speak to your baby super loud in annoying baby talk do it in a sound proof room cause aint nobody wanna hear that shit

21 Jun 10


No better way to spend fathers day RT @JewSqueeze @JennsDrunkLets totally have unprotected irresponsible sex n than u can take care of it

21 Jun 10


Sometimes people call me jennifer. Most people call me jenn but it takes a special kind of stranger to address me as "ay! Fuckin titties"

21 Jun 10


Woke up in a ball pit with two dudes. Take that as literally as you want. Happy Fathers Day?

20 Jun 10


Oh dat ghurl be @ElenaFranklin she a hoe RT @L3nny85:@JennsDrunk Hoosdis Ghurl? http://tweetphoto.com/6332043

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20 Jun 10


http://www.tvsquad.com/2010/06/10/woman-with-prosthetic-leg-shows-her-stuff-maury-video/

20 Jun 10


I have to stop having important business conversations when I'm blackout. All my emails start "Per our conversation I don't remember..."

20 Jun 10


Having to ask someone if you made out with them the night before is awesome. Having to ask several people is awesomer.

20 Jun 10


Im the girl in pjs w smeared makeup reaking like awesome mistakes RT @carlychaikin OMW to see @JennsDrunk. I wish I was as famous as her

20 Jun 10


cool timez http://www.formspring.me/JennsDrunk

20 Jun 10


#followpigeon RT @PigsAndPlans: Can a Pigeon get 50 more followers? When I get 2,000 I'll do something special.

20 Jun 10


I finally woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy. I think. P Diddy wakes up naked still drunk right?

20 Jun 10


Its weird waking up and being surprised you're in your own bed. I don't know if I'm happy or sad. #glasscaseofemotion

19 Jun 10


RT @mybandowen: #imgoingtosmashyou

19 Jun 10


Ohhhhh jeus RT @djbroc: Oh jesus

19 Jun 10


Telling a drunk girl her tits out might be my favorite thing to do after 11pm

19 Jun 10


You make the playlist ill bring the "juice" RT @pmablog:@JennsDrunk we're fucking later right?

19 Jun 10


@pmablog thanks!!! would you maybe say its pretty much amazing? you see what i did there? no? ya? love you.

In reply to prettymuchamazing

19 Jun 10


Found THE cutest picture of Ryan Seacrest!!!http://tweetphoto.com/27940102

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19 Jun 10


RT @nickjonas WTF is this Bieber shit @JennsDrunk?! Excuse me, I have to check my sugar levels cause I'M HEARTBROKEN

19 Jun 10


Making a Ladies Night in Los Angeles co-ed still makes it a Ladies Night

19 Jun 10


I like to begin drinking early; setting operation "shoot! I'm sorry I can't drive I already had a few drinks." in motion #evilmustachetwirl

19 Jun 10


my main dood @djsamfrench made you a mix. Yeah, you. No, not you, you! Yeaaaah hayyyy gurl. http://tinyurl.com/34ydlax

19 Jun 10


Whoever tweets for @funnyordie is probs so handsome and good in bed. I wouldnt know I didnt have sex with them so theyd #ff me (yes i did)

19 Jun 10


Just me n my bff Demi Moore RT @funnyordie: Follow Friday these FOD Friends: @chrisbosh @badbanana @mrskutcher @iamBenLyons@jennsdrunk

19 Jun 10


Dear @justinbieber's Mom, Sorry? Love, J Robs p.s. Your son owes me money http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/41nf

19 Jun 10


#FF @sho4sho n @NoahHarald cuz they helped me make bieber his special juice. Wait, that sounds crude. I mean, they helped me roofie Bieber.

19 Jun 10


I interviewed the Biebs! He was great....in bed. What? Nothing.#funnyordie http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/41nf

18 Jun 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · Openwoah. whoevers in charge of that fuckup is gettin a red card RT@DJSamFrench Oh just watching a lil soccerhttp://tweetphoto.com/27791277

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18 Jun 10


eat my X Box 360 #E3 RT @sho4sho Call of Doody #E3#MaturityIsOverRated

18 Jun 10

Lockerz @Lockerz Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

Missing Child: 7yr old Boy from Portland,ORhttp://tinyurl.com/269olu8 @FindKyron Pls RThttp://tweetphoto.com/27777959Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes? View photo

18 Jun 10


What app is this? You look startastic!!!!! RT @lindsaylohan fun on the iPad http://twitpic.com/1xqgrx

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18 Jun 10


Excuse me, Brazilian kaka. #worldcup RT @geofflatulippe@JennsDrunk He's actually Brazilian.

18 Jun 10


Was just made aware there is a Spanish soccer played named kaka. Spanish kaka. @realkaka. #worldcup #MaturityIsOverRated

18 Jun 10


omg that looks like the most fun anyones ever had i wanna win an NBA championship

18 Jun 10


GREEN TEAM!!!!

18 Jun 10


"Can I kick it? No, go away" #FirstDraftRapLyrics

18 Jun 10


5 minutes ago via web (predicting the future) #lakers

18 Jun 10


ANOTHER VAMPIRE SHOW?! Come on. It's like you beat the dead horse, burred it, let it turn into a vampire and then turned it into 30 shows.

18 Jun 10


does watching this game make anyone else want a bag of m&m's?

18 Jun 10


My pants are all too big on me so I just borrow my boyfriends#LAProblems

18 Jun 10


I was gonna pretend to care about basketball this year but then I realized it would cut into my elongated nap time. #lakers

18 Jun 10


On the rare occasion I get a spiderbite I always like to nonchalantly flick my wrist down just to check. #spidermangirl

18 Jun 10


I don't care what anyone says, I love John Mayerhttp://tinyurl.com/3yvpaex

17 Jun 10


I just wanna be rich as shit. Fuck. #HundosAndHoes

17 Jun 10


RT @tomwaits I don't have a drinking problem ‘cept when I can't get a drink.

17 Jun 10


In times of crisis I'm always shocked binge eating chocolate solves nothing.

17 Jun 10


Ugh, I wish I stuck with basketball #WNBAdreams

16 Jun 10


"If you cannot teach me to fly, teach me to sing."

16 Jun 10


"Basically what we have here is a dreamer. Somebody out of touch with reality. When she jumped, she probably thought she'd fly"

16 Jun 10


You know how I know you're gay... RT @DJSamFrench: Harry/Charlotte: Precious

16 Jun 10


I like lit blogs and Chinese food. @mcsweeneysbookshttp://www.mcsweeneys.net/

16 Jun 10


Drake and my 60 year old chain smoking jewish aunt Ruth sound eerily similar.

16 Jun 10


YAY I HAVE 666(0) FOLLOWERS! I CAN FINALLY ENTER HELL!

16 Jun 10


Got a ticket for parking in a no parking on tuesday area. When I asked the dude why he gave me the ticket he informed me its tuesday.

16 Jun 10


Dear guys, you know what makes me not want to have sex with your penis...sending me a picture of your penis. Love, j robs

16 Jun 10


#3wordsaftersex "where's the condom?"

16 Jun 10


I just...I mean...I can't. RT @PigsAndPlans Video! Katy Perry - "California Gurls" http://tinyurl.com/2djttqu

15 Jun 10


I casually put on some deoderant mid convo and suddenly IM the weirdo...

15 Jun 10


Bejewled adult diapers and baby t's RT @carlychaikin: Any one have any requests of what to write about on my fashion blog?

15 Jun 10


The continuous slap noise created during sex is kinda like a fucking metronome

15 Jun 10


Obvi I look gr8 RT @sho4sho: How does @JennsDrunk look? #bieberRT @DavidaBWilliams: Oprah is interviewing convicted child molestors.

15 Jun 10


Mentally, I'm always right here. http://tweetphoto.com/27267178

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15 Jun 10


Say hi 2 @ElenaFranklin for me RT @supergoodrca just saw a homeless person sitting in a trash can n I believe was singing hungry like a wolf

15 Jun 10


Starting a webseries called Tuna Talk. Its a talk show where my guest and I casually exclusively talk about tuna. And sometimes pickles.

15 Jun 10


And statutory rape #justKIDding RT @djbroc: @Diznut all about poppin cherrys

14 Jun 10


RT @funnyordie: Jimmy Dean died. To pay tribute to his legacy, his funeral will be a total sausage fest. And it will give you diarrhea.

14 Jun 10


HBO confirms Ricky Gervais has been cast in the next season of Curb Your Enthusiasm. In related news every other tv show stops trying.

14 Jun 10


AHAHAHAHAAH http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wQ6hrw-yLs

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14 Jun 10


I don't know who you think you are but before the night is through, I wanna do bad things with you.

14 Jun 10


Bitch I am 22 years old do not tell me to finish my chicken before I eat my smores. #pshwhatevermom

14 Jun 10


Yeah cause I put out. Duh. RT @midnightmariel: You got fanz@jennsdrunk

14 Jun 10


Holla @noahgersh is a dreambot. Other dudes just eh RT@erikdonley: LISTEN to @HoneyChildBand record "Nearer The Earth" http://bit.ly/diy8Rm

14 Jun 10


If both people are attractive its not rape someones just being a whiner.

14 Jun 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenI'm not mature enough to not laugh at this tweet #reenterme RT@Astro_Soichi: 20 minutes to reentry

14 Jun 10


I hope no one in LA wants alcohol cause I drank it all.

13 Jun 10


I'm always never wearing pants

13 Jun 10


MOM GOD DAMNIT HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE CHICKEN. I GOT DRUGS TO GO DO. FUCK.

13 Jun 10


im gonna play awesome music on my stomach when im preggers so my kid comes out ragging with glow sticks and a vip wristband

13 Jun 10


The whole worlds about to RSVP yes to my party RT @drunkygiirloohh @JennsDrunk, someday you'll rule the world!!

13 Jun 10


Sometimes I have such a good time by myself listening to music if I didn't know me I'd think I was on drugs. And sometimes I'm on drugs.

13 Jun 10


Thank you? RT @Meekkyle @JennsDrunk... This made me think of you... #ButtRape!? http://tweetphoto.com/26938842

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13 Jun 10


http://www.youtube.com/bonnaroo RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW MUMFORD & SONS #BonnarooLive

13 Jun 10


#usa RT @PigsAndPlans: RT @diplo: HEY ENGLAND!http://twitpic.com/1w7903

I've always been more of a rag doll than a barbie

12 Jun 10


It makes me so sad to see Disney rip off @pogomix. Fuckin Mickey Mouse. What a doucher.

12 Jun 10


Went to get rice crispies ended up with iced crispies. Mango ICED crispies. Well done @sho4sho can't wait to throw up in ur bed.

12 Jun 10


This is why I put my pen to paper #inspiration RT @NoahHarald: OH MY GOD! http://bit.ly/aJX60x #boardwalkempire

12 Jun 10


Yeah. You probz shouldn't take an aveno oatmeal bath if you have something agaisnt total relaxation and silky smooth skin.

12 Jun 10


Where did you see me? RT @MrDeutch: So many little girls with big tits. So LA

12 Jun 10


Weezy likes the sizzurp but I, as a Jew, abuse benadryl.#gimmedatdryl #illdrylllll

12 Jun 10


listening to @thepostelles bonnaroo set. still not wearing clothes. awesome. Thanks @nprmusic! http://tinyurl.com/26y3jen

12 Jun 10


I wish i still lived at home so I could be a runaway

12 Jun 10


"you know what the say about leftys? we dont have to do things right." WOW. W writing like that I cant fathom how Happy Town got canceled.

12 Jun 10


RT @ElenaFranklin: "All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for anything." #overheardinny

12 Jun 10


Metrocard: $8 Words of Wisdom: Pricelesshttp://tweetphoto.com/26773539

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12 Jun 10


honestly, i never wanna put on clothes again

12 Jun 10


I won two flags!!!! #worldcup RT @JennsDrunk dont mind me im trying to make flags #usa #isr #il #uk #ita

12 Jun 10


dont mind me im trying to make flags #usa #isr #il #uk #ita

12 Jun 10


Can I report you to facebook for being mean on twitter?#cyberabuse #internettears RT @sho4sho: @JennsDrunk is a cyber bully #cyberbully

12 Jun 10


wideset RT @HarMarSuperstar @JennsDrunk How Deep Is Your Love?

12 Jun 10


oy. #worldcup #usa RT @PigsAndPlans Video! @JennsDrunk Sings!http://bit.ly/aLNSBB

12 Jun 10


im just gonna say it. ludacris's "my chick bad" is the most romantic song of the year

12 Jun 10


Reply Retweet Favorite · OpenI was gonna pretend to watch/care about the world cup #worldcupbut then I turned on "torn" by natalie imbruglia instead...

12 Jun 10


#USA

11 Jun 10


I hate when guys are prettier than me

11 Jun 10


I thought my hair looked great then @ohnoitsmarco showed up and shit all over me with his gorgeous locks. Ugh.

11 Jun 10


Yeeeah buddy you saunter in here smokin that cig. I'm glad you took off a night from watchin rebel without a cause to join us all. #deanfail

11 Jun 10


Please not the quote bottom right as well RT @JennsDrunk: Right now, I am the greatest. http://tweetphoto.com/26600919

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11 Jun 10


#ilikeyou RT @DavidTheHater I love when people act like they follow soccer n feel the need to tell me about Formula 1 racing.#youlikedudes

11 Jun 10


Right now, I am the greatest. http://tweetphoto.com/26600919

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11 Jun 10


You have pretty hair RT @AudreyGarduno: i really wish @jennsDrunkwould say something nice too me or something

11 Jun 10


Sir do you mind not staring at me while I cry in this coffee shop for no reason. #periodtweet

11 Jun 10


Only if you bust in my mouth...what? RT @trulyvulgar: @jennsdrunkcan I tittie fuck you?

11 Jun 10


RT @mybandowen: O man. I hate when I'm reminded that I'm not invisible.

11 Jun 10


Yeah sure! I'd be happy to do all this work in the hopes that one day you're gonna pay me! Sounds super! #fuckyoupayme

11 Jun 10


Sighing and then saying "aright" is the universal term for "I'm bored with you and done talking"

11 Jun 10


"You can be a casualty of your own hipness, or you can choose to be this beautiful thing." -James Murphy

11 Jun 10


The suits are ruining the world. Just let me do what I do. Fuck.#damntheman

11 Jun 10


Oh hay you got jokezzz. RT @FierMe: Mirrors can be dangerous RT@JennsDrunk: No matter where I go, I see the same hooooooes

11 Jun 10


Kesha is like the uncontrollable oil spill on the music industry.

11 Jun 10


Raphael. Duh. RT @DiaSaurusRex: @JennsDrunk And yours is.....????

11 Jun 10


You can tell a lot about a person by which ninja turtle is their favorite.

11 Jun 10


No matter where I go, I see the same hooooes

11 Jun 10


when i send myself an email and then my phone buzzes at first i always forget its from me and not someone super cool. tough life.

10 Jun 10


pretty http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFSbuM1Vym8&feature=PlayList&p=9F2260AB01F458D7&playnext_from=PL&playnext=4

View video

10 Jun 10


You have 3 diamond hoop earrings sir. 3. Diamond hoop. Earrings. 3.

10 Jun 10


Baby, you're my everything RT @clarkduke: @JennsDrunk to quote Drake: baby you the best

10 Jun 10


What am I doing tomorrow night? Seeing international playboy/DJ sensation @clarkduke at The Roosevelt pool. Topless. SHOW BUSINESS

10 Jun 10


Hey you guys! Remember when four square was a game on the playground and tweeting was something that birds did. #realtalk

10 Jun 10


Going out tonight with "name drop" to "hot new club" to see "more name drops" and "cool band" #ihateeveryone

10 Jun 10


Sometimes I wish upon a star that one day ill be able to wear a necklace that says "be fri" and matt damon will wear "st ends"

10 Jun 10


RT @samuelsamuel: RT @deerdanaveraldi http://iceashton.com/

10 Jun 10


I do too but I heard she had some nasty bathingsuit area sores.#nonosquare RT @FierMe: You know who I miss? @littlejfier.

10 Jun 10


she sounds nice. <3 RT @ProDirp Listening to @alyciadirp rant about how stupid and #unfunny @jennsdrunk is. #awesometimes #untrue

10 Jun 10


New super group. super. #super RT @PigsAndPlans New! Mt. Desolation "State Of Our Affairs" http://tinyurl.com/2fydt35

10 Jun 10


RT @zepadeedoodah I wrote a story about my life in red ink because it was all a mistake.

10 Jun 10


Couldnt have said it better myself! RT @skmt09 @Astro_Soichi 無事の帰還、おめでとう！！！！

10 Jun 10


Lunch at whole foods sittin next to jappy mclongface and her bff why won't my boyfriend propose to me.

9 Jun 10


dope RT @PRCClothing @AesopRockWins @JennsDrunk ur posts, one right after the other on my timeline, could have been lyrics to the same song

9 Jun 10


"she will sleep here in between the cracks, just a flower with a broken back"

9 Jun 10


RT @DavidTheHater "Snookie, I am vampire and you are some type of troll thing... You are mine." (True Blood meets Jersey Shore) #hbo

9 Jun 10


miley cyrus kinda looks like she smells like chicken that was left out too long

9 Jun 10


BAM! BRIGHTNESS! RT @CTaquechel17 I think my life would be a little brighter is @JennsDrunk tweeted me.

9 Jun 10


Lord knows I'm a voodoo child

8 Jun 10


This is a special one. @samuelsamuel debut EP "I Heart NY" is now available on iTunes! (its $3. just get it.) http://tinyurl.com/28wffvt

8 Jun 10


anyone looking to sublet or that knows anyone subletting in nyc july/august you let me know. dont not let me know. love you.

8 Jun 10


The cast of Grown Ups were the hottest lesbians at the MTV Movie Awards. Especially you David Spade.

8 Jun 10


Will Smiths son is not a girl right?

8 Jun 10


How I feel abt u <3 RT @chaffeeg Unfollowing Bye 2 girls I think r cute but say retarded shit, Ill think ur cuter if I don't see your tweets

8 Jun 10


The only organized sport I'm good at is group sex #nbafinals

8 Jun 10


Big ass gross tattoos on a hot girl is like coloring over a Picasso with a smelly marker

8 Jun 10


Can't wait for the first "accidental celebrity iphone sex video" in related news, haley williams has just switched to blackberry

8 Jun 10


if you meet @sho4sho and she doesnt ask if youre on twitter she didnt like you #omgfact

8 Jun 10


Samesies :( RT @lindsaylohan was just thinking about how mean&unecessary that etrade commercial was of my during super bowl :(

8 Jun 10


honestly, im more times than not bouncing like i got hydraulics in my g-string.

7 Jun 10


without music, life would be a mistakehttp://tweetphoto.com/26060947

View photo

7 Jun 10


The "terrorists" in this movie are wearing a ton of eyeliner. They must listen to 30 Seconds To Mars.

7 Jun 10


Wooah I'm on a bucket list! Let's do it jody! #gotime RT@jodysereres one thing i wanna do before i die is get drunk with@JennsDrunk.

30 May 10

ZodiacFact @ZodiacFacts Reply Retweet Favorite · Open

#ZodiacFacts An #Aries woman is capable of doing all things that a man can do.

Retweeted by NOT Amanda Bynes?

7 Jun 10


Tobey Maguire looks like a scrotum in the movie Brothers. Jake Ghylejandllenhals super hot though. Haaaay Jake Ghylenahdlskhal

7 Jun 10


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! RT @PigsAndPlans RT @PigsAndPlans: Happy birthday me

7 Jun 10


You can't really change what is, you just gotta accept what is.

7 Jun 10


I'm SO heavy. Heavy in your arms. http://tinyurl.com/28unlpn

7 Jun 10


I feel like I look as great as I feel like I look #daydrunk

7 Jun 10


I meant the most fun. Obvi RT @jennsdrunk This is the most fun but everythings the most sooooo..... @sho4sho #toughlife

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