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June 2010

“Personal Excellence is the only reading you’ll need to do for continual self-improvement both personallyand professionally!” —Sharlene Hawkes, Former Miss America,

award-winning ESPN broadcaster

Donna EveryConsultant

You Have What You Need You Have What You Need

NourishYour Soul

NourishYour Soul

ResilienceResilience

Beatingthe Economy

Beatingthe Economy

INSIDEKEVIN D. GAZZARABoost Your Marketability ...............12JOHN J. SCHERERCourageous Love.............................13SUZANNE SCURLOCK-DURANACompassionate Service ...................14DARYL STEVENETTSix Must-Have Items .....................14MONICA WOFFORDWho You Are ..................................15W. GRANVILLE BROWNBirthright Choices ..........................16SANDRA FORD WALSTONCultivate Courage .............................16

Nourish Your SoulD o w h a t y o u ’ re p a s s i o n a t e a b o u t .

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eby Nathaniel Branden

WHEN I THINK OF NOURISHING THE SOUL, Ithink of nurturing the ability to respond

positively to life—to sustain passion for yourinterests, values, and projects. The worst of allspiritual defeats is to lose enthusiasm for yourlife’s possibilities. Every life has setbacks anddisappointments, tragedy and loss. The ques-tion you confront, in the face of the negativesis: How do I keep my inner fire alive?

Two things are needed: an ability to appreci-ate the positives in your life—and a commitment to action.Daily, ask: “What’s good inmy life?” and “What needs tobe done?” The first questionkeeps you focused on posi-tives; the second keeps youproactive and reminds youthat you are responsible for yourhappiness and well-being.

Another aspect of nourish-ing the soul is to ask, “Whatin my life do I most enjoy?What most stimulates me?”You can know who you are once you knowwhat wakes you up in the morning.

The pleasures that nurture me are as sim-ple as enjoying the view of the city and theocean from the window of my living room, orspending time in the garden, or appreciatinggood health. One of my greatest joys is hav-ing a loving relationship with my wife. Also, Ithink of listening to music, reading books,and writing. When I write, I appreciate howwonderful it is to be alive. When I am awayfrom writing, I feel discouraged or dispirited.Writing takes energy, but it also creates energy.

Pay close attention to which activitiesmake you feel most alive and in love withlife—and then spend as much time as possi-

DIANE MORRIS AND DOUG DAVINProtect Your Dream..........................3MATTHEW COSSOLOTTOPower of a Promise ...........................4JEFF DAVIDSONFirst Things First .............................4TOM RATH AND JIM HARTERWellbeing ..........................................5D. DURANTE AND K. HAGMANThe Perfect-10 Day ............................6SIMON BAILEYConnect the Dots ..............................6SHARON ESONISResilience ..........................................7

ELAINE STIRLINGFive Talents.......................................8RAMÓN CAMPAYOMaximize Memory ...........................8MICHELLE OBAMALet’s Move.........................................9GAROLD L. MARKLEWeakness Trap ....................................10LISA EARLE MCLEODEight Affirmations ...........................10DONNA EVERYBeating the Economy ......................11MARY LIPPITTWhy Prioritize? ..............................12

ble engaged in those activities. Even whenyour life is most difficult, remember that some-thing within you is keeping you alive—the lifeforce—that lifts you, energizes you, pulls youback sometimes from the abyss of despair. Truespirituality does not exist without love of life.

If you feel unhappy or unfulfilled, ask,“What needs to be done?” Or ask, “What’smissing in my life—and what can I do aboutit?” The sin is to suffer passively. Never forget

that you have the capacity toact. So you must always won-der, “What avenues of actionare possible to me? What can Ido to make my life better?”

If you stay oriented to thesebasic questions—“What’s goodin my life?” and “What needsto be done?”—and strive torespond to those questionsappropriately, you’ll be happi-er and get far more of whatev-er it is that you want in life.

Some colleagues contrast a“being” orientation with a “doing” orientation.The implication is that being and doing are insome sense antithetical. Of course, they are not.Doing and being, action and stillness, are inter-dependent. Without action, you’d cease toexist; without stillness, you’d neither appreci-ate your existence nor have a foundation fromwhich to act. You need stillness—the pureexperience of being—to fully realize yourself.Out of that stillness can come the motivation toact and the awareness you need to act wisely,not to lose perspective. When being and doingare in harmony, when stillness and action arelinked, you create an integrated, satisfied soul.You are then in the best position to enjoy andappreciate life and not be destroyed by adversity.

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I N S P I R AT I O N • SOUL

Volume 15 Issue 6

Personal Excellence is published monthly byExecutive Excellence Publishing, LLC (dbaLeadership Excellence), 1806 North 1120 West,Provo, UT 84604.

Editorial Purpose: Our mission is to promotepersonal and professional development based onconstructive values, sound ethics, and timelessprinciples.

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Copyright © 2010 Executive ExcellencePublishing. No part of this publication may bereproduced or transmitted in any form withoutwritten permission from the publisher.Quotations must be credited.

Another aspect of nourishing the soul isthe ability to stay focused on the present, tolive in the present. In the 1960s, I was writ-ing The Psychology of Self-Esteem. I was ayoung man, in my thirties, and one day Igrew impatient, thinking that my life wouldbegin to unfold only when this book wasfinished. Yet I intuitively knew that notionwas wrong. So I asked myself what I’d bedoing when the book was finished. I said,“Planning the next book.” And then? “Thebook after that.” I saw that my life was aboutwriting. I realized: “This is my passion. If Ican’t enjoy it now, there is no reason tobelieve I’ll enjoy it more in the future.”

That realization was a turning point. Theimpulse to focus on the future is strong. It’snatural to look ahead. Yet the key to happi-ness lay in enjoying the process, not just thefinal result, because most of life is spent inprocess. Now I bless each day that I canwrite and know: this is what my life is about.

Earning your living doing something youenjoy is one of the best ways tonourish yourself. Even if you areemployed at something that is notyour ideal work, find ways to takeas much pleasure in it as possible.Living in the present moment canmake ordinary activities moreinteresting and joyful. If you stayconnected with why you are doingwhat you are doing, for example,then even the parts of your life that aren’texciting can become more meaningful.When I have to go to an event that doesn’tinterest me, I tell myself, Make this experi-ence as happy for yourself as you possibly can.Once that becomes my purpose, it’s amaz-ing how imaginative I can become. Lifebecomes infinitely more interesting.

Nothing I am saying about the impor-tance of living in the present denies thevalue of being concerned with the future.You want to keep in mind your goals, whatyou’re moving toward, and to see the pro-gression and direction that underlie youractivities. You need to plan for the futurewithout sacrificing the present, and enjoythe present without making yourself oblivi-ous to the future. Obviously, you can’t con-trol every aspect of your life. But you haveresponsibility for the shape of your life. Youhave many options for responding to events.You are not a passive spectator, but an activecontestant in the drama of your life. Take re-sponsibility for the life you create for yourself.

How do you nurture your soul? By rever-ing your life. By treating it as supremely im-portant. By learning to love it all—not onlythe joys and victories, but also the pain andstruggles. By reaching for the best within you.

Reaching WithinThirty years ago, I conducted a therapy

group in which there was a man with whom

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I struggled to relate. He was ultra-passive; infact, his soul seemed limp. He rarely initiatedanything. And I could not connect with thatspark within him that wants to live, be happy,and do more than simply surrender to pain.

Nothing we tried ever seemed to leadanywhere. If we had a productive session,by the next week it was as if it never hap-pened: He had thought about nothing andretained nothing. I came to think of him aspassivity incarnate, as the waif of the universe—wistful, slack-lipped, helpless, and limp.As time passed, I grew more frustrated.

I try to respect every client, but one day Iexploded in exasperation and said: “I needto tell you what I’m experiencing. I’m feelingincompetent and that our sessions are futile.Nothing I know is worth anything when I’mdealing with you.” That night, I was horri-fied by what I’d done. It went against every-thing I believed. It was totally out of char-acter. What was the matter with me?

A few days later at dinner with a couplewho were both therapists, Idescribed what had happened. Theman, Hal Stone, said to me,“Nathaniel, I don’t think you haveany trouble recognizing and own-ing most of your emotions: fear,anger, lust. But I suspect there isone feeling you’d never permityourself. And yet all of us, byvirtue of being human, have that

feeling once in a while—the feeling of passivehelplessness. I suspect that the part of youthat would experience such a feeling is dis-owned, so that you’re oblivious to it. Andthen—in this client—fate sends you a carica-ture of this disowned piece of yourself. I sus-pect that’s why you reacted as you did.”Instantly I felt that what he was saying was true.

The next week, I apologized to my clientand said, “If I could not recognize and acceptthe part of me that sometimes feels as youdo, if that part was denied by me, there is noway I could work with you productively.”

He seemed to come to life. He felt under-stood and accepted. After that, we madeprogress. I learned that whatever I deny anddisown within myself becomes a limitation onmy effectiveness in working with others. For ex-ample, if I’m working with a person who isresisting necessary change, I know that if Ican make contact with the part of myselfthat sometimes resists change, I’ll be moreeffective because—being empathetic—I’llcause the person to feel psychologically visible.Feeling understood, he or she will be moreopen to new learning and to new ways. Self-awareness is the foundation of emotionalintelligence and interpersonal competence. PE

Nathaniel Branden, PH.D., is CEO of theBranden Institute. Emailnathaniel@nathanielbranden.com.

ACTION: Be proactive in shaping your life.

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You procrastinate because you haveseen other people try and fail, and that’snot going to be you—no way, no how.

Here are four ideas for beating pro-crastination and realizing your dream:

1. Think small before you think big.You crawl before you walk, and thatinvolves a lot of falling. Starting rarelyconsists of giant steps. A step is a step,and there’s confidence and momentum-building power in even the smallestone. It can be thinking, planning, talk-ing to people you trust and respect.Rather than focus on getting the newjob with the 20 percent raise, focus onstarting the conversation with thepower broker. One small step complet-ed leads to another. Soon, you’reenjoying positive feedback and resultsthat propel you forward. Never use the

size of the goal as an excuse not to start.2. Take the pressure off. Success

comes in fits and starts. You can doeverything right, but some things youcan’t control. Focus on what you cancontrol. Keep your eye on the prize,but help yourself relax and enjoy theprocess of succeeding—the learning,maturing, growing, getting strongerand smarter with each experience.Successful people know this. It’s one ofthe skills that makes them successful.“Reach for the stars,” said Leo Burnett.“You won’t always get one, but you won’tend up with a handful of mud either.”

3. Who are you looking at? Don’t bedemotivated by looking at people whohad all the advantages to start with:find examples of people who startedwith nothing, yet reached their dreams.Soichiro Honda, who built one of theworld’s largest car companies, sur-vived a complete lack of financing,bombings, supply shortages, and evenan earthquake. And there are manymore who don’t make headlines. Use

these as your heroes and role models.4. What are you listening to? A

steady diet of negative news and unin-spiring entertainment affects what’s inyour mind and on your mind. Whilethere are many good media, too much ofthe news seems to say that all executivesare greedy and scandal is everywhere.After consuming this, who could possi-bly have the emotional stamina—or anytangible reason—to feel hopeful andoptimistic? Assess your media diet bylisting the media you read, watch, andlisten to in a week, and rate its level ofpositive inspiration. Is the media you’reconsuming positive, balanced, informa-tive and helpful? If not, make changes.

5. Cool conflicts. In the high emotionof a conflict, your protective filters workovertime, and you can easily mistakeyour feelings and interpretations for facts.When facts are lost to feelings, you can’tsee the real issues, and you’re knockedoff course. You can’t solve a feeling; youcan, however, operate from emotionalwisdom, the asset that keeps you fromrunning feelings-first into every situa-tion. You can respect your feelings, anduse them constructively, without mak-ing them your sole decision-making tool.Ask, Do my thoughts answer the questions,Who? What? When? Where? or How? (inwhich case they are likely to be fact-based) or do they answer questions like,You know what I think? You know whatthis reminds me of? You know what hap-pened last time? or any why question (inwhich case they are likely to be inter-pretations, opinions, and judgmentsbased on your feelings). When yourreactions are interpretations, decide thatyour past or present anger, frustration,fear, or disappointment will not run theshow. You will. Think about your goals,relationships, and what’s at stake. Then,instead of reacting on pure emotion, takecommand of yourself and the situation.

As you overcome procrastinationand handle the situations unique toyour life and work, you can make posi-tive changes that speed your progresstoward the breakthrough you seek.Never use seven words in reference toyourself: Failure, Loser, Quitter, Stupid,Untalented, Disappointment, Stuck—orsay can’t, always, never, and other wordsthat limit your thinking and pierce yourpotential like a sword. Make these yourforbidden words in your quest for ahappy, healthy life. PE

Diana Morris is an entrepreneur, salesperson, manager,author, and speaker. Doug Davin is a manager andbusiness owner. They’re partners in Breakthrough Skills.Call 860-413-9520. Email: info@breakthroughskills.comor dianam@breakthroughskills.com.

ACTION: Achieve the breakthrough you seek.

TITLEP R O F E S S I O N A L • P R O C R A S T I N AT I O N

by DianaMorris andDoug Davin

AFTER SEARCHING FOR TWO YEARS, Afriend finally got his dream job last

week. “Why did it finally happen?” weasked. “What was different this time?”

“Nothing was different,” he said. “Ijust kept showing up for my owndream. Oh, and I turned off the news.”

We encourage you this month to keepshowing up for your dream, whetheryou’re striving to get a job, keep a job,earn more, get promoted, start a busi-ness, or stay in business. Try 5 percentharder, work one hour more, give it onemore shot, and then—if that one doesnot work—give it another shot. Protectyour dream from the naysayers, realistsand negative headlines. Talk to peopleyou trust. Fill your head with stories ofpeople who made it. And always getup one more time than you stumble.

Put energy and determination behindyour goal. Don’t allow yourself to bederailed by a bad day, a lousy week, afrustrating month, or a difficult person,and you will move forward.

Beat Procrastination Now!One client, Josh, told us, “Yes, a jour-

ney of 1,000 miles starts with a singlestep, but I get too paralyzed thinkingabout the 1,000 miles to bother with thefirst step. The whole task looks so huge.”

That hesitation is natural. It’s nothealthy to tackle a dream goal feelingcompletely relaxed, with no reservations.The trouble starts when instead of rec-ognizing that hesitation and using it asgood information to take the next step,you let it put the skids on your dreams.Procrastination becomes a way of life.

You procrastinate because change ishard. The pull of the familiar is so strongthat a friend who is a family therapistonce said that if we took our problemsand threw them in a big pile and werethen told we could take any bunch ofproblems back, we’d grab the ones wethrew in just because they’re familiar.

You procrastinate because you waitfor things to line up in your favor. Youcall this the right time, but waiting forthe perfect time to act often means doingnothing—because that time doesn’t exist.

Protect Your DreamB e a t p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n — s t a r t n o w.

I offer five keys to help you make andkeep your promises: 1) be specific—turnconcrete goals into heartfelt promises; 2)commit emotionally—make a promise tosomeone you care about; 3) be selective—pick just one or two goals; 4) start small—identify and pursue a couple of easiergoals to build your achievement musclesand boost your goal-reaching confidence;and 5) follow through—to reinforce yourpromise, make it public and put it inwriting to put your integrity on the line.

Make a self-improvement promise toyour mother. Then, you, along with poetRobert Frost, can say, “I have promises tokeep, and miles to go before I sleep.” PE

Matthew Cossolotto is author of The Real F Word: The 7Failure Traps of Highly Disempowered People (and whatto do about them) (Morgan James Publishing). Visitwww.Ovations.com and www.TheEmpowermentPro.com.

ACTION: Keep your promises.

by Matthew Cossolotto

SOME YEARS AGO, WHEN Iwas thinking about writ-

ing a book about the habitsof failure and success, I spoke with mymother, Virginia Hope Butler, a talentedwriter. I enjoyed kicking creative ideasaround with her. I would explain theconcepts and how I thought this bookwould provide a guide for people whofelt stuck, disempowered, and unable tomake positive changes. She encouragedme to complete the book.

Although I talked about the book, Ihadn’t finished it. After my mother wasdiagnosed with lung cancer, becameterminally ill, and had only weeks tolive, I promised her that I’d finish thebook, get it published, and dedicate it to her.

We both fought back tears. We knewthat she would not live long enough tosee the book published. But I could seein her eyes that dedicating the book toher memory meant a great deal to her.She smiled brightly when I made thatpromise, despite the pain she was in,and said: “You do that, Matthew!”

Promises to KeepI credit that promise for motivating

me to finish the book, and publish it withthis dedication: In loving memory of mymother, Virginia Hope (Ludascher) Butler.

Yes, I did it, Mom! I’d never have fin-ished this book had I not made that pro-mise to you just weeks before you passedaway. This proves the power of making apromise, especially to your mother!

Turn your goals into promises. Whenyou make a promise—especially to yourmother—failure is not an option. Makinga promise means you have skin in thegame. Your integrity is on the line. It’smore difficult to turn your back on apromise made to someone you careabout than it is to ignore a vague goalor a half-hearted resolution.

To ensure you meet a goal—whetherit’s to quit smoking, lose weight, stopdrinking, or write that book—do your-self a big favor. Turn that goal into apromise. Making a promise keeps youon track. Failure is not an option. Youmust follow through and get it donebecause you know in your heart that ifyou don’t you will disappoint some-body who means a great deal to you.

After making and keeping a fewpromises, you’ll start to close the gap

by Jeff Davidson

YOU LIKELY COME TO WORKeach day with goals in

mind about what you wantand need to accomplish, but your workdoesn’t always go as planned. Interrup-tions and distractions can throw you off.

If you are often distracted at work,you need to define or redefine your pri-orities. You may have too many priori-ties (some may have been imposedupon you). If so, note that, bydefinition, they can’t all be pri-orities. Have no more thanseven priorities. Havingmore is a clue that you’ve ne-ver identified what’s truly im-portant in your life and work.

Having too many, or inef-fectively picking prioritiesmeans that you’ll have no pri-orities, spend time and attention oneverything, and not honor top priorities.

Set your priorities in these five ways:1. Write what’s important to you in

life, personally and professionally.2. A week later, re-examine the list.

Cross out things that don’t ring true, andadd things if you forgot them earlier.

3. Two weeks later, look at the listagain. See if any items can be grouped.Reword and re-label priorities. If you’reuncertain about an item, drop it.

4. Prepare a draft of your priority list.Stay with it for six months. If the listhas four to seven items, keep the list. Ifit has more, pare it down.

5. Once you have a priority, identifysupporting goals. For instance, if beinghealthy is a priority, you might set sev-eral goals in support of this priority:take vitamins regularly, join a healthclub, or buy a treadmill.

Have specific metrics and timelinesfor your goals. If one goal is to be thetop-selling salesperson, attach a time toit—by October, for instance. Or, “I willmake 100 sales in the next 12 months.”The more specific your goals, the betteryour odds of achieving them.

Until one is committed, there is hesi-tancy, the chance to draw back, andalways ineffectiveness concerning all actsof initiative (and creation). There is oneelementary truth, the ignorance of which

kills countless ideas and splen-did plans: that the moment onedefinitely commits oneself, thenProvidence moves too. All sortsof things occur to help one thatwould never otherwise haveoccurred. A whole stream ofevents issues from the decision,raising in one’s favor all man-ner of unforeseen incidents and

meetings and material assistance whichno man could have dreamed would comehis way. Whatever you can do or dreamyou can, begin it. Boldness has genius,power, and magic in it. Begin it now. —Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

When people ask you to do more asa reward for the great work you’vealready done, you can show peopleyour calendar. Then, if someone wantsto add to your agenda, they’ll do somore carefully and consciously. PE

Jeff Davidson, The Work-Life Balance Expert, haswritten 56 books, and is a professional speaker. Visitwww.BreathingSpace.com and Work-LifeBalance.net.

ACTION: Put first things first in life and work.

P R O F E S S I O N A L • PROMISE

First Things FirstSet a few priorities in life.

Power of a PromiseMake one today to your mother.

P R O F E S S I O N A L • PRIORITIES

between your performance and yourpotential. You’ll gain confidence in yourability to set goals and reach them.

When as a kid I‘d tell friends that Iwould do something—perhaps payback the 50 cents I borrowed—I’d getasked: Ya promise? And I’d ask the samequestion to my friends. Ya promise?

It’s a powerful question. Sometimeswe’d say: “Cross my heart, hope to die,stick a needle in my eye.” That’s whenthe promise had some teeth.

As adults, we seldom ask somebodyto promise to do something. And werarely volunteer a promise. We shouldbring back the power of making a promise.

With the launch of Make A PromiseDay, I encourage you to pick any daythat has special meaning—and use thatday to translate a specific goal into a heart-felt promise to someone you care about.

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stress at various points each day.When people who are engaged in

their jobs show up for work, they havean entirely different experience than thosewho are disengaged. For those who areengaged, happiness and interestthroughout the day are much higher.Conversely, stress is much higher forthose who are disengaged. The stresslevel of disengaged workers decreasedand their happiness increased towardthe end of the workday.

Enjoy Weekdays and WeekendsWe also explored mood differences

in people between working and non-working days and found that engagedworkers have similar happiness levelsboth days, with only slight increases instress and a positive boost in interestlevels when they work. However, dis-engaged workers experience dramaticdrops in happiness and interest—andmajor spikes in stress—on work days.

For those who are engaged, a day atwork might be slightly more stressfulthan the weekend, but that is offset bynormal levels of happiness and evenmore interest when they are at work.However, disengaged workers live forthe weekend and dread the workday.When your career wellbeing is thriving,you can have good weekends and goodweekdays, and the time you are atwork is as enjoyable as the time youspend away from work.

As we learned from Jay, a mechani-cal engineer with high career wellbe-ing, enjoying what you do daily isessential. Jay has had several jobs overhis career, and at times, he’s had to dealwith frustrating office politics. Yet hestuck with his passion for managingengineering projects, and this helpedhim maintain high career wellbeing.When we asked Jay about what inter-ests him most, he described how muchhe likes learning about the mechanicsof how things work. He enjoys deter-mining the thickness of the floor slabs,column spacing, and steel beams basedon the height of a wall. Jay also bringshis passion for work home—he isalways remodeling his house. In hisspare time, he researches foundationdesign and new methods for construct-ing buildings. This was a pattern weobserved among people with highcareer wellbeing: They love their workso much that it is closely aligned withtheir personal lives. PE

Tom Rath and Jim Harter are Gallup Speakers. Tom isauthor of How Full Is Your Bucket? and Strengths BasedLeadership. James K. Harter, Ph.D., is co-author of thebestseller 12: The Elements of Great Managing.

ACTION: Safeguard your well-being.

spouse, after a few years, people dorecover to the same level of wellbeingthey had before their spouse passedaway. But this was not the case forthose who were unemployed for a yearor more—particularly not for men. Yourwellbeing actually recovers more rapidlyfrom the death of a spouse than it doesfrom a sustained period of unemployment.

This doesn’t mean that getting firedwill harm your wellbeing forever. Thekey is to avoid sustained periods ofunemployment (more than a year)when you are actively looking for a job.In addition to the obvious loss ofincome from prolonged unemploy-ment, the lack of regular social contactand the daily boredom might be evenmore detrimental to your wellbeing.

You don’t need to earn a paycheck tohave thriving Career Wellbeing. Butyou do need to find something that youenjoy doing—and have a chance to doit every day. Whether that means work-ing in an office, volunteering, raisingyour children, or starting your business,what matters most is being engaged inthe career or occupation you choose.

Waiting for the BellThink back to when you were in

school sitting in a class forwhich you had little inter-est. Perhaps your eyeswere fixed on the clock oryou were staring blanklyinto space. You waited forthe bell to ring so youcould get up from yourdesk and move. Morethan two-thirds of work-ers experience a similarfeeling by the end of aworkday.

To explore why so many people aredisengaged at work, we recruited 168employees and studied their engage-ment, heart rate, stress, and emotionsduring the day. Before the study began,we collected data about each employ-ee’s level of engagement. We examinedthe differences between employeeswho were engaged in their jobs andthose who were not. Participants car-ried a handheld device that alertedthem at various points in the day whenwe would ask them what they weredoing, who they were with, and ques-tions about their mood. Participantsalso wore a small heart rate monitor,enabling us to study the relationshipbetween fluctuations in heart rate andvarious events. We also collected salivasamples to gauge stress levels. The cor-tisol levels in the saliva provided uswith a direct physiological measure of

by Tom Rathand Jim Harter

DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU DO EACH DAY?This might be the most basic, yet

important, wellbeing question you canask yourself. Yet few people can give astrong “yes” in response.

You need something to do, ideallysomething to look forward to, whenyou wake up every day. What youspend your time doing each day shapesyour identity. You likely spend most ofyour waking hours during the weekdoing something you consider a career,occupation, vocation, or job. When peo-ple meet you, they ask, “What do youdo?” If your answer is something youfind fulfilling and meaningful, you arelikely thriving in career wellbeing.

You underestimate the influence ofyour career on your well-being. But career wellbeingis essential to your overallwellbeing. If you can’t reg-ularly do something youenjoy—even if it’s more ofa passion or interest thansomething you get paid todo—you likely won’t enjoyhigh wellbeing in otherareas. People with highcareer wellbeing are twiceas likely to thrive in life.

Imagine that you have great socialrelationships, financial security, andgood physical health—but you don’tlike what you do every day. Chancesare, much of your social time is spentworrying or complaining about yourlousy job. And this causes stress, takinga toll on your physical health. If yourcareer wellbeing is low, it can causedeterioration in other areas.

Losing Your IdentityTo appreciate how much your career

shapes your identity and wellbeing,consider what happens when you lose ajob and remain unemployed or under-employed for a year. One studyrevealed that unemployment might bethe only major life event from whichpeople do not fully recover within fiveyears. The good news is that even in theface of tragic events like the death of a

WellbeingFive essential elements.

S O C I A L • W E L L B E I N G

email, address the person by name andinclude your name at the end. Let theperson know that you’re talking specifi-cally to them. The person will feel morelike an individual than a nameless employee.

Smile! The shortest distance betweentwo people is a smile. A smile is conta-gious, and being smiled at builds confi-dence. People who smile are seen as moreattractive. Start your day with contagiousconfidence. Even when talking on thephone, make an effort to smile—yourvoice sounds more pleasant and yourspirits lift. This will be felt by others.

Since a positive mental attitude is infec-tious, this is a great way to start a day. PE

Dianne Durante is author of Everyday Symbols for JoyfulLiving, Marriage and Family Therapist, and consultant.She conducts motivational workshops with her daugh-ter, Kirsten Hagman. Visit www.DianneDurante.com.

ACTION: Have a Perfect-10 day today.

by Simon Bailey

CONGRATULATIONS TOKathryn Bigelow for be-

ing the first woman to win anOscar for directing. She didn’t win forbeing a woman—she won because of herbrilliance in directing a great movie.

This achievement reminded me of mymeeting with Rachel Landrum, Execu-tive VP of Metavante Corp. She and Imet at a sales conference. Eager to findout what made Rachel so suc-cessful, I invited her to lunch.

I asked: What can people doto climb the corporate ladder?She said, “There is no ladder.”She noted that when people seta goal to attain a certain posi-tion and start posturing andjockeying, this fuels a political/competitive (vs. cooperative/col-laborative) culture that decimates trust.

Rachel suggested six actions: 1. Con-nect the dots between your role, team’srole, other departments and divisions.2. Be accountable to yourself. If you don’t,you’ll become lazy. 3. Constantly evalu-ate your internal compass to stay ground-ed and to ensure that your motives arepure. 4. Attend to your intuition—it’s youredge. 5. Connect with people. Celebratethem for who they are now and for whothey are becoming; don’t worry abouttheir failures. 6. Be willing to fail. Dustyourself off and get back in the game.

Rachel said that some issues womenface are self-inflicted. “They bury their

brilliance by creating artificial bound-aries that confine them to a limited wayof thinking and believing. Some women(and men) think that if they can’t makea big splash and see their name in lights,they won’t do anything at all. But youshouldn’t give up your power to artificialbarriers. You are powerful and can dowhatever you decide to do—if youwill be accountable to yourself.”

I asked Rachel why she’s so success-ful? She said, “I realize it is not aboutarriving. There is no end goal, no finaldestination. I understand how to be.”

Rachel is right: the essence of successis to connect the dots. If you work inretail, you have the solution to someone’sproblem (a product or service). If you

work in healthcare, yourfocus is to ensure that patientsrecover to full health. If youwork in technology, your goalis to identify how your productcan resolve customers’ needs.

You are the solution tosomeone’s issue, problem, orchallenge. You can drivevalue, make a difference, and

take your team to the next level. Youjust have to connect the dots!

How can you build relationshipswith people? How can you solve theirproblems and make their lives better?How do you become a Most ValuablePerson? Connect-the-Dots! When youconnect with others authentically—notfor what you can get from them, butfor what you can give to them—youexperience a more fulfilling and satis-fying work and life. Spend less time onascension, more time on connection! PE

Simon Bailey is the author of Simon Says. E-mailsimon@simontbailey.com.

ACTION: Connect the dots in your life and work.

Connect the DotsBuild authentic relationships.

S O C I A L • RELATIONSHIPS

seems to be an outcry for identity. Asyou are handed your morning coffee,call the person by name (you may evenadd a compliment). This makes othersfeel as though you appreciative them.Even infants respond favorably to thesound of their name. It is the word thatwe recognize above most others, andhearing it in a warm tone is a pleasant,personal experience for most people.

At work, your efforts to function effi-ciently can become a series of imper-sonal transactions. People may joke thattheir jobs could be done by a robot or amonkey. That’s because they feel like theyare being paid to do an impersonal job.Use the names of colleagues wheneverpossible. It will remind them that theyare individuals and that you are recog-nizing the person, not simply the jobthat is being done. When sending an

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E M O T I O N A L • ATTITUDE

by DianneDurante and KirstenHagman

HAVING A PERFECT 10 DAY IS ABOUTHAVING positive attitudes and healthy

relation-ships. This is easy to compre-hend, hard to do. So, let’s break it downinto four simple tasks (TENS)—Touch,Eye contact, Name, and Smile!

Touch. Start your day with touch.Before the day carries you away, giveyour spouse, children, or pet a hug. Theslogan reach out and touch someone is ahealthy way to start the day. Use touchas a chance to connect. Allow yourselfto feel the warmth of the gesture. Youmight add Have a great day or I love youto this caring contact. You’ll benefit fromthis chance to share a moment withsomeone that you care about. When youget to work, shake hands to greet yourcolleagues to keep a physical connec-tion. Done appropriately, the element oftouch increases connection with people.Of course, you don’t want to make any-one uncomfortable. So, be mindful ofthe person’s culture and observe thenorms. Some offices operate like fami-lies, where a hug may be an acceptablegreeting. In other places, a handshakemay be the extent of touch permitted.

Eye contact. If you stop for coffee orpick up a morning paper, look peoplein the eye and make the experience morepersonal by creating a link between thetwo of you. It’s easy to rush about yourday and never notice the people whosurround you. You sometimes get socaught up in your business that youforget that each person with whom youinteract is like you. Taking a moment toacknowledge people increases positiveemotions. A few seconds of eye contacthelps to make a personal association.

There are cultural differences to eyecontact. In some cultures, it is disre-spectful to look in the eyes of someonewho is your superior. Also, the lengthof unbroken eye contact may cause dis-comfort. Modify the length of eye con-tact with someone of the opposite sex.In most cases, people regard constant,lingering eye contact to be intense,overbearing, and intimidating. So, con-sider the culture and individual.

Names are important. Many peoplewear name tags at work—from bankcashiers and tellers to baristas. There

The Perfect-10 DayCreate it by doing four tasks.

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Tom Smith seeks out the one thing heknows and loves the most—horses.

Here also is where Tom encountersSeabiscuit, a wild, undersized colt.When he first makes eye contact withthe rambunctious animal, Tom says:“the horse looked right through me.”But despite a lineage of the legendaryMan-O-War, Seabiscuit is deemed toosmall to be a winner and is used insteadas a training foil—taught to lose to big-ger opponents while being abused bytrainers and whipped by jockeys.

At Tom Smith’s recommendation,Charles Howard purchases Seabiscuitand enlists Tom to be the colt’s trainer.Needing a rider, Tom turns to RedPollard, the young man who has alsobeen on the receiving end of abuse bythe other jockeys, but on the givingend of care, compassion, and under-standing for Seabiscuit.

Months of training transform Sea-biscuit into an underdog who becomesa winner. “We’re winning because we

gave Seabiscuit another chance,” saysCharles Howard. “I think a lot of peo-ple know what I’m talking about!” Atone point, Seabiscuit wins six consecu-tive races—one shy of the record—andbecomes America’s motivationalchampion, but there’s more to over-come in this epic story of resilience.

While training for the ultimate test—a winner-take-all, one-on-one contestbetween Seabiscuit and the vauntedWar Admiral—Red Pollard is thrownfrom a friend’s horse and draggedhundreds of yards, shattering both hislegs. Doctors who operate on Red sayhe’ll never ride again—he’ll be luckyto walk. But rather than cancel therace, Red turns to his friend GeorgeThe Iceman Woolf (portrayed by jockeyGary Stevens) to ride in his place. Inan inspiring, triumphant scene, Georgerides Seabiscuit to a stunning, run-away victory over War Admiral.Seabiscuit is on top of the world; butas Red Pollard knows, that world canbe shattered.

In his next event, Seabiscuit rup-tures a ligament coming out of thestarting gate. The vet informs CharlesHoward that the horse will never raceagain and offers to put him down. ButHoward declines and instead returnsto his farm where Seabiscuit and Redare reunited.

Their bond now stronger than ever,Red and Seabiscuit are inseparable asthey endure the painful therapy thatleads to emotional and physical heal-ing. Within 10 months, Seabiscuit iswalking, then trotting, and finally gal-loping full speed in an emotionallycharged scene that speaks volumesabout the resilient spirit. And RedPollard is not about to be a spectatorany longer. Out-fitted with a crude legbrace, Red insists on riding Seabiscuitin his next competitive race, andCharles Howard agrees.

As they’re lining up at the startinggate, Red notices George Woolf on ahorse several stalls away. As theybreak from the gate, with Red in pain,the two jockeys maneuver their horsesside by side so that Seabiscuit can lookhis competition in the eye. With urgingfrom his friend, Red lets Seabiscuitexplode into high gear. Seabiscuitsurges through the field, deftly weav-ing in, out and in between the otherhorses, toward the finish line and ulti-mate victory.

“Everybody thought we found thisbroken down horse and fixed him,” saysRed Pollard in the closing scene as heand Seabiscuit triumphantly approachthe finish line. “But he fixed us—everyone of us. And we fixed each other, too.”

“The greater the obstacle, the morethe glory in overcoming it,” wroteMoliere. However, as Albert Banduranotes: “Your beliefs about your efficacyaffect the choices you make and yourlevel of motivation and perseverance inthe face of obstacles. Most successrequires persistent effort, so low self-effi-cacy becomes self-limiting. To succeed,you need a sense of self-efficacy, strungtogether with resilience to meet theobstacles and inequities of life.”

The story of Seabiscuit illustrateshow ordinary men can overcome dev-astating personal hardships and doextraordinary things—if they possessthe inspirational resilience of one extra-ordinary “broken down” horse. PE

Sharon Esonis, Ph.D., is a psychologist, coach, editorof The Positive Path Newsletter, and author of It’s YourLittle Red Wagon, Embrace the Power of PositivePsychology and Live Your Dreams!.www.PositivePathLifeCoaching.com or email theposi-tivepath@cox.net.

ACTION: Build your strength and resilience.

by Sharon Esonis

RESILIENCE IS A SET OFstrengths that you need

to develop because you arelikely to be challenged by adversitydaily. As Ernest Hemingway wrote: “Theworld breaks everyone, and afterwardsome are strong at the broken pieces.”

I’ve found that certain movies canprovide insight, motivation, and direc-tion for people who seek to learn howto cope when confronted with adversi-ty. One such film—Seabiscuit—presentsone of the most compelling argumentsfor the power of resilience.

Set in Depression-era America andadapted from Laura Hillenbrand’s true-life novel, the movie begins by intro-ducing us to three individuals whoselives are about to become inextricablyentwined. Charles Howard (Jeff Bridges)is a wealthy entrepreneur who’s mak-ing his mark in the automobile busi-ness. Tom Smith (Chris Cooper) is acowboy in the old-west mold and askilled horse whisperer. And Johnny“Red” Pollard (Tobey Maguire) is theson of Irish immigrants who has a spe-cial gift for riding and handling horses.

When the U. S. stock market crashesin 1929, our heroes are swept up in amaelstrom of desperation, fear, and mis-ery called the Great Depression. And asif this cataclysm isn’t enough, deeplypersonal events impact them as well.Charles Howard loses his only child, ason, in an automobile accident; andwith the ensuing emotional upheaval,his marriage soon dissolves. Tom Smithcan’t find work and must ride the railsin search of employment. And RedPollard’s parents—fearing they’ll beunable to provide a decent life for theirson—reluctantly leave him with a horseracing promoter so he can build a lifearound his special abilities. Unfortunately,Red’s initial lack of success on the trackforces him into the boxing ring to earnmoney. Constant pummeling by hismore skilled opponents turns him intoan angry, belligerent young man.

Soon, fate intercedes and brings ourcharacters together in Tijuana. Charlesimmerses himself in horse racing as heattempts to sooth his pain. Red Pollardhopes to prove his skill as a jockey andrekindle his love of horse racing. And

TITLE

ResilienceB u i l d y o u r s t r e n g t h .

M E N TA L • R E S I L I E N C E

Seabiscuit workout with George Woolf

includes bold, courageous, to listen, tohear. It’s related to audience. Sometimesyou’ll hear things you’d rather not hear.You’ll witness a behavior that doesn’tfeel right. Audacity is the talent of hon-oring whatever comes into your sensoryorbit and doing something about it.

5. Authority. You cultivate this talentby practicing the first four. Authority isbelief in your own authenticity. To beauthentic means to own your words andyour actions, and be willing to say, “Idon’t know”. Sourced from the Latinword for self, authority shows you whatyou’re capable of, one exhilarating stepat a time. There’s no need to fear author-ity when you’re born with so much tal-ent—and capacity to lead. PE

Elaine Stirling is author of The Corporate Storyteller.Visit www.elainestirling.com.

ACTION: Cultivate these five talents.

by Elaine Stirling

WE OFTEN ASCRIBE LEADER-ship to people who sit

high on the chart and talentonly to artists, but all of us have leader-ship and talent within us.

Centuries ago, talent was a form ofcurrency. One talent was equal to 3,600Babylonian shekels, and the word alsomeant balance, abundance and wealth—goals we all aspire to. The ancientsunderstood leadership too. Leadershipinitiates. But if you’re going to leadpeople from one place to someplace bet-ter, a greater something is needed.

The ancients called that somethingquintessence, the presence of all five ele-ments operating in balance. The ele-ments in those days were fire, earth, airand water, with spirit or ether as themysterious fifth element. I’ve retainedthe template and updated the terms.

Five elements become five indispens-able talents. You were born with fourof them. Cultivate the fifth, and youbecome a brave leader. Practice them,and you’ll move toward prosperity.

1. Responsibility. This is the talent orability to respond. As infants, yourresponse-ability was highly tuned andsensitive. If you didn’t want to bepicked up, you wailed. A beam of light,a sudden noise, you were right there,all senses perked. As an adult, youallow this lustrous talent to dim. Youdistort responsibility, confusing it withblame. “Don’t look at me, I didn’t do it!”Response-ability is not reaction, whichis primitive and knee-jerk. When youhave the talent to respond, you holdback from fixing other people’s prob-lems; you are, however, highly attunedto your own. The ability to respondmeans you create the space for dia-logues and communicate as an equalwith anyone, based on your uniqueperspective and knowledge.

2. Curiosity. As an energy-conserv-ing being, you tend not to puzzle thingsout if they are working reasonably well.Only when the hard drive crashes oryour reserved parking spot is taken doyou ask, “What the . . . who the . . . ?”without expecting a reply. Your capacityfor wonder may have slipped under-ground, but it’s still there, waiting for atime when you’ll get real answers.Meanwhile, you can create a climate

by Ramón Campayo

MEMORY IS THE MOSTspectacular and strik-

ing mental capacity and cangrant those who develop their memorywith a halo of incredulity, transportingthem to a dimension reserved for achosen few with “special powers.”

To be a leader, you must develop yourmental capacity and demonstrate giftsof conviction and persuasion.Memory is a mental capacitythat you can develop.

At the very least, youshould be able to rememberthe names of those aroundyou, their professions, certaincharacteristics about them, ortheir family members. Call-ing a person by his name isnot only a sign of good manners; it isalso a way of distinguishing a personand showing your interest. To berespected, you must first respect others.You need to have a great memory inorder to do this. All you really need isthe right memorization technique. Inthis way, you can easily identify a largegroup of people after having seen theirfaces and heard their names just once.

To remember a person’s name, asso-ciate it with a personal characteristicthat catches your attention—face, voice,height, stature, body type, or attire. Forexample: if you’re introduced to Robert,an overweight man, and Richard, whowears large glasses, you can visualize

Robert dressed in “robes” under hisclothes, making him look fat. The lens-es of Richard’s glasses are two goldcoins, since Richard is “rich.”

You should also be able to find thecorrect words, remember the right situ-ation or the appropriate example. Keepin mind the inseparable relationshipbetween mental and physical health,since one leads to the other. Thus, thebenefits of pushing the limits of yourmental capacity are extraordinary—and the results will be evident in allaspects and dimensions of your life.

No other mental capacity can bedeveloped as effectively as memory. Bylearning to use this capacity, you’ll

enhance your leadershipqualities and boost your con-fidence and self-esteem. Youwill be able to face any chal-lenge, and your attitude willmake you an example to befollowed, since your capacityand possibilities to continueprogressing will be firmlyrooted and will help you to

overcome any limiting thoughts.The best leader is someone who

helps others become leaders. Transmit-ting great mental development to yourchildren, for example, will help themto be more productive in their studiesand to gain supporters and followers.

But it’s not enough to think some-thing in order to become something.You must act accordingly. If you don’tdo this, your limiting thoughts willalways remind you of what you’relacking, making progress difficult. PE

Ramón Campayo is the record holder in speed memoryand long-term memory, and author of Maximize YourMemory (Career Press). Visit www.ramoncampayo.com.

ACTION: Improve your memory.

M E N TA L • CAPACITY

8 w w w . L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e

Maximize MemoryYou can develop this capacity.

Five TalentsThey are indispensable.

M E N TA L • M E M O RY

where questions are encouraged byposing open questions: What if we wereto . . . I wonder why no one has neverthought of. . . and ensure that there’s asafe place for answers to arrive.

3. Capacity. The technical definitionof capacity is volume. The word comesfrom Latin, capax, meaning spacious,able, roomy, fit. We’re all stuffed to thebrim with opinions, theories, biases,feelings, RSS feeds, Facebook andTwitter updates, text messages, emails,and meetings. As vessels, if we haven’tcracked already, we fear we might.

4. Audacity. Audacity, like the othertalents, has become tarnished; we asso-ciate it with people speaking out ofturn. “How dare you?” Well, leaders dodare. They not only celebrate audacityin people around them, they rely on it.The Latin root of this talent, audax,

lenge software and game designers—pros and amateurs—to come up withgames that make healthy living fun.

Part 2 is to ensure that all familieshave access to healthy, affordable foods.No matter how much parents want toinstill healthy habits in their kids, theymust have access to healthy food intheir neighborhoods. Right now, 23.5 mil-lion Americans, including 6.5 millionkids, live in food deserts—areas with nosupermarket. These families buy theirgroceries at the local gas station or con-venience store, places that offer few, ifany, healthy options. We hope to elimi-nate food deserts in seven years. We’recreating a Healthy Food FinancingInitiative to invest $400 million a year—and leverage millions more from theprivate sector—to bring grocery storesto underserved areas and help conve-nience stores carry healthier options.

Part 3 is to make our schools health-ier places for our kids to learn and grow.We’ve strengthened the Child NutritionAct with an additional $10 billion over10 years to dramatically improve thequality of food we offer in schools andin vending machines. This is a matter ofnational security, as the most commondisqualifier for military service today isobesity. We’re working to dramaticallyincrease the number of schools that meetthe Healthier U.S. School Challenge.These schools provide healthy meals,physical education, nutrition education,and ensure that kids receive the free andreduced-price meals that they’re eligiblefor. These healthier schools will be themodel for every school. Several schoolfood suppliers are decreasing sugar, fat,and salt; increasing whole grains; anddoubling the amount of fresh produce.

Part 4 is to find new ways for ourkids to be physically active, in and outof school. Our kids need to get 60 min-utes of active play a day—and manydon’t even come close. We’ve expandedthe President’s Physical Fitness Challenge,and recruited pro athletes to encouragekids to get and stay active. As parents wehave to spend more time being activewith our kids. You don’t need specialskills or equipment to do this. It’s assimple as going for a walk with yourkids, taking the stairs with them, danc-ing with them, working up a sweat. It’salso about ensuring our communitieshave safe places for kids to play.

Let’s move to ensure our kids havethe energy and endurance to succeed inschool, pursue their careers and dreams,and build families of their own. PE

Michelle Obama is First Lady of The United States ofAmerica. Visit www.letsmove.gov.

ACTION: Set a personal fitness example.

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P H Y S I C A L • M O V E M E N T a husband whose work kept him awaya lot. Some nights everybody was tiredand hungry, and we went to the near-est drive-thru. Or I popped somethinginto the microwave. I made excuses.

One day, my pediatrician remindedme that I am the parent and I’m in charge.Let’s be honest: Our kids didn’t do this tothemselves. They don’t go shopping, ordecide what they’re served at meals orwhether there’s time for recess and gym.We make those decisions and set those pri-orities. If we helped create this problem,we can solve it. But instead of just talk-ing about it, worrying and wringing ourhands, we have to do something aboutit. We have to move—so, let’s move.

That’s what many people are doing.For example, in Mississippi, the statethat leads the nation in overweightkids and adults, people are working toget healthier food into school cafeterias,and more physical education for kids. Isaw this when I visited there. They’rebringing together state and local lead-

ers, principals and teachers, parentsand students, doctors and nutritionists.They’re proving that we can find cre-ative ways to help kids be healthy.

That’s the spirit behind Let’s Move—the campaign that we launched to helpkids lead active, healthy lives so thatwe can end childhood obesity. Achievingthis ambitious goal will take all of us.

Four Parts of Let’s MoveThe Let’s Move campaign has four parts:Part 1 is to offer parents the tools and

information they need to make healthychoices for their kids. We encourage fam-ily doctors to prescribe for parents whatsteps they can take to keep kids healthy andfit. We’re asking the FDA and foodindustry to make food labels more cus-tomer-friendly, so that parents can figureout which foods are healthy. Beveragecompanies are providing clearly visibleinformation about calories on their prod-ucts—and on vending machines. We’vestarted a Web site (LetsMove.gov) so thatparents can find helpful tips, recipesand exercise plans. One way to makehealthy living fun and exciting for kidsis with video games. I’ve announced acontest, Apps for Healthy Kids, to chal-

by Michelle Obama

ICARE DEEPLY ABOUT OURkids, and that’s why I care

about the epidemic of child-hood obesity. In the past 30 years,childhood obesity rates have tripled.Nearly one in three American childrenis overweight or obese. And this epi-demic is deeply personal. As parents,we know that this isn’t just about howour kids look—it’s about how they feel,and about how they feel about them-selves. It’s about the impact that obesityhas on their health and their futures.

In PTA meetings, we hear fromteachers who see the teasing and bully-ing that obese kids endure. We hear fromcounselors who see the depression andlow self-esteem. We hear from coacheswho see kids struggling to keep up—orpediatricians who see kids with condi-tions like high cholesterol, high bloodpressure, and Type II diabetes.

How did we get here? For many ofus, childhood was very active. Wewalked to and from school, ran aroundat recess and gym, and played in theneighborhood for hours after school.When we were called in for dinner, wesat around the table as a family and atewhat our parents fixed. If we didn’t, wewent to bed hungry. We had vegetablesat every meal, and dessert on Sunday.

Now, healthy habits easily give wayto habits of convenience and necessity.Walks to school are replaced by car orbus rides. And in schools there are cutsto recess and gym. Lunchtime may meana meal heavy with calories and fat, andsnack time might be no better. Playingafter school has been replaced by TV,video games, and Internet—habits thatexpose kids to 40,000 ads each year,many for unhealthy foods and drinks.

Meanwhile, we parents face our own challenges. We might want to buyhealthy food, but chips are cheaper. Wemay want to buy fresh produce, buthave no supermarket in the area. So weconsume fast food and something froma local convenience store.

Every parent wants to do the rightthing for their kids. But often, we slipinto bad habits and feel guilty. I know,because I’ve been there. Not long ago, Iwas a working mom, struggling to bal-ance meetings and soccer and ballet and

Let’s MoveWe c a n e n d o b e s i t y .

when you determine that your aptitudeis insufficient for a given role. Time ismoney. Repurposing or replacing usual-ly beats rewiring.

3. Focus on strengths. Do your home-work to determine what you are good atand where you have a competitiveadvantage. Identify activities that giveyou energy. Knowing your weaknessesis also valuable information for makingcareer decisions. If you’re a poor matchfor the position, consider making achange. If you’re going to stay whereyou are, however, the key is to take whatyou are good at and make it better. PE

Garold Markle is a speaker and consultant whose pri-mary mission is to energize and engage the human spir-it at work. He is author of Catalytic Coaching. Visitwww.energage.com or email glmarkle@energage.com.

ACTION: Avoid the weakness trap.

by Garold L. Markle

WHAT’S THE BEST THING TOdo with a weakness?

Do you try to fix the weak-ness, work around it, or if possible,ignore it completely?

If you are a short but fast footballplayer who has quick hands, do you tryto fatten up and become super strong toplay linebacker? No, you might play inthe defensive backfield where yourspeed and agility are valued.

If you are a small, fast guy, you focuson getting faster. If you are a big, strongplayer, you focus on becoming biggerand stronger. You focus your improve-ment efforts on things that are realisticfor you and valuable to others.

When you focus your developmenton correcting areas of weakness, youfall into the weakness trap, spendinggood energy on bad ideas. To achievemore, focus on improving and praisingareas of strength rather than correctingweaknesses. Obviously, some weak-nesses must be improved. What isbeing questioned here is the absoluteadherence to improving all weak areas.When possible, focus your attention onenhancing the strengths and limitingyour roles in your weak areas.

The same principle applies at home.For example, when your child walksthrough the door with a report cardshowing five As, two Bs and one D,what do you talk to her about? The lowgrade? You may tell her how the subpar subject matter is critical to propergrowth and development and force herto spend more time focused on areas inwhich she’s potentially ill equipped toexcel. Instead of lecturing your mathe-matically inclined child on the merits ofmastering English and Geography, ifthat’s where she’s behind, perhapsyou’d be better served to encourage herto focus the bulk of her attention onPhysics and Calculus, where she sits atthe head of her class. After all, whocares whether the nuclear physicist thatdesigns the first truly viable electric carcan write creatively or explain haiku?And her computer or secretary canclean up her misspelled words.

Take These Three ActionsSo how can you avoid the weakness

trap? Consider taking three actions:

by Lisa Earle McLeod

YOU AND I HAVE OURmantras, expressions

like “money doesn’t growon trees” or “blood is thicker thanwater.” They’re often the sayings yougrew up with, and they can have apowerful hold on your belief system.

For example, if your parents toldyou, “Don’t put on airs,” or “You’re nobetter than anyone else,” you may notappreciate your special uniqueness.

The gist of the mantra is true—you are not better than any-one else. To act like you are isegotistical and off-putting. Yetyou have skills, talents andgifts that are uniquely yours.

The problem with mantrasis they’re often, as John StuartMills said, “correct in whatthey affirm, and wrong inwhat they deny.” The expressions maybe true, but they’re not the only truth.

Yes, it’s true “the apple does not fallfar from the tree.” Your upbringing andgenetics play a big role in determiningwho you are in life. Yet it’s also truethat you have the power to shape your des-tiny and personality. It’s true that “goodthings come to those who wait.” But thatdoesn’t mean that your needs and desiresmust always come last. It’s true that“you shouldn’t look a gift horse in themouth.” But you don’t have to blindlyaccept everything that’s given to you.

And of course, there’s my grand-mother’s expression, “Idle hands are

the devil’s workshop.” It’s true thatpeople with no work or purpose aremore likely to fall prey to “unsavoryactivities.” But that doesn’t mean thatyou’re signing your soul over to Satanevery time you take a break.

Most popular sayings and mantrasare absolutes. They affirm inherent truthsabout life. Yet they can also be limitingwhen they’re so deeply ingrained inyour belief system that you can’t acceptalternative truths. F. Scott Fitzgeraldonce said, “The test of a first-rate intel-ligence is the ability to hold twoopposed ideas in the mind at the sametime, and still retain the ability to func-tion.” So, instead of simplistic, one-dimensional, either/or mantras, yoursoul and psyches would be better

served if you could embracemore AND mantras.

Here are eight such affir-mations that I use to see bothsides of everything:1) You’re really smart, ANDyou can learn from others.2) You follow the rules, ANDyou make your own decisions.3) You respect authority,

AND stand up for your own beliefs.4) You deserve the best, AND you

must work hard for what matters most.5) Be firm in your convictions AND

compassionate in your approach.6) Set clear, concise goals, AND stay

open to what the world serves up.7) Be kind to everyone, AND be

selective with whom you associate.8) You are the one we’ve all been

waiting for, AND so is everybody else.The word AND changes everything. PE

Lisa Earle McLeod is principal of McLeod & More, andauthor of The Triangle of Truth (TriangleofTruth.com).www.LisaEarleMcLeod.com, Lisa@TriangleofTruth.com

ACTION: Make these eight affirmations.

P H Y S I C A L • WEAKNESS

Eight AffirmationsThese can change everything.

Weakness TrapFocus on improving strengths.

P H Y S I C A L • AFFIRMATIONS

1. Design around weaknesses. Whenpossible, shift your role and responsibil-ities to enable you to focus on whatyou’re good at and what you enjoy. Fitthe job to your strengths and yourstrengths to the job. Since few of us areuniversally talented, create a team thatwins by working together rather thanmandate that all jobs with similar titlesare carbon copies.

2. Shorten improvement cycles. Ifyou have a weakness that inhibits yourperformance in your position (forexample, you are a manager who can’tdelegate), give yourself some time tomake the improvement. If you can’tmake demonstrable progress in 30 to 90days, you are likely in the wrong posi-tion and are wasting your time tryingto correct the problem. Move quickly

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has used her “oil” to earn additionalincome to help pay her debts. Can youcook? There’s a lady who lives in a vil-lage near my house who is a maid at aGovernment office but she’s also a goodcook. A few years ago she built a littleshop next to her house and on Fridayand Saturday nights started cookingmeals which she sells to her neighborsand people who drive to get to herhouse. As a result, she has been able tobuy a car, get a loan to build a house,and travel! How is that for a maid?

So what is your “oil”? Take aninventory of the skills and abilities thatyou have and brainstorm how you canuse them to earn some income.Everyone has something!

Apart from the things that you havein your “house,” there’s the clutter thatyou have sitting in your home that youdon’t use. Those things that you boughton sale that are still in the box or thedécor items that you just couldn’t livewithout. The things that are gatheringdust and cluttering your house. WithCraigslist and Amazon and E-Bay, youcan easily turn your clutter into cash.

Earning more money is one part ofthe approach—the other part is spend-ing less money. This will take some dis-cipline because you may have becomea free spender. Once I was in a city inthe Southeast, and I was convincedthat the recession in the US was over.The mall was full, and there were longlines in some of the more popularstores. People were shopping as if therewas no tomorrow, or at least as if therewas no recession. Have we learnednothing? As we look back in years tocome, I’m hoping that this recessionwill be seen as a blessing in disguise,something that has helped us to look atthe way we’ve been living. We reallyneed to distinguish between our wants

and our needs. This is a time for ourneeds. Maybe we will soon get to theplace where we will once again be ableto satisfy some of our wants and eventhen we should still ask ourselves ques-tions like: “Do I really need this?” and“Why am I buying this again?” or theeven harder questions like: “Can wereally afford this house?” and “Why arewe buying an SUV when we can onlyafford a car?” We need to do some soulsearching and find out what will give uspeace and contentment because whenour souls are at peace, when we’re con-tent with what we have, we won’t bedriven to live beyond our means.

You already have all that you need toget through this recession and to facelife afterwards, but it will take disciplineand commitment to make it happen.

Here are 10 ways to help you winyour financial battles:• Look at what you have in your house

—literally. Liquidate things that you’renot using or you don’t need by holdinga garage sale (involve your neighbors tomake a bigger impact) or sell on E-bayor Amazon or list on Craigslist. De-clut-ter and earn some cash.• Liquidate things you have in stor-

age—save storage fees and earn money.If you’ve done without them for so longyou don’t need them.• Take an inventory of your skills.

What can you do well that people neednow? Focus on the “low hanging fruit”—those things that are easy to start rightaway: baking, repairing computers,babysitting, doing accounts, tutoring,cooking.• Repair rather than throw away,

unless the cost doesn’t make sense.There’s probably someone out therewho’s started a repair business to maketheir extra money.• Buy used books, clothes, and furni-

ture instead of new.• Set financial goals and let them

restrain you from impulse shopping.Ask yourself: “Is this taking me towardsmy goals or away from them?”• Distinguish between your wants and

your needs. When you’re about to buysomething stop and think, “Do I reallyneed this or do I just want it?” Think ofyour goals.• Cut down on daily coffee and fast

food purchases.• Delay gratification—put off major

purchases until your finances improve.• Don’t stop helping others in tough

times. It will always come back to you. PE

Donna Every is author of What Do You Have in YourHouse? Visit www.donnaevery.com or email: donnaev-ery@sunbeach.net.

ACTION: Take an inventory of your unused assets.

by Donna Every

RECENTLY I WAS AT A TELEVI-sion station filming a dis-

cussion on the effect of therecession on consumers’ finances. As Iwas leaving, two technicians asked me:“We’re in a recession? We didn’t realizeit because we’ve been living from paycheck to pay check for so long!” Thatmade me laugh, but the truth is that hasbeen the reality of many people for years.

Whether you live from pay check topay check or whether the recession hasturned your finances upside down, beencouraged—you don’t have to sit backand accept your lot in life. You alreadyhave everything you need to overcomeyour financial problems whether theyare at crisis proportion or not. The strat-egy is to use a double-pronged attack, andyou have the weapons in your arsenal.

The Bible story of The Widow’s Oil isthe story of a poor widow who was in afinancial crisis. In fact, things were soserious that the creditors were comingto take her children away as slaves towork off the debt. She went to theprophet Elisha for help. He didn’t giveher a handout or a bailout or a stimuluspackage; he simply asked her: “Whatdo you have in your house?” He putthe onus back on her to deal with herfinancial situation.

Often we look for a handout or bail-out when we already have what we need tohelp ourselves. The widow said that sheonly had a little oil so he told her whatto do to turn it into a successful busi-ness venture. As a result, she was ableto pay all her debts and live on the rest.

That story inspired me to write myfirst book. I used my “oil” (my knowl-edge of business and finances and mylove of writing and teaching) to create abook and products that could help meto earn extra income.

What do you have in your house?What is your “oil”? You have some gift,ability, or resource that you can use toearn additional income. All you need isthe faith and determination to make ithappen. Others have done it—so canyou. I have a friend who is a teacher butshe studied art because she loved paint-ing. She has started painting after shecomes home from school and has soldher work in galleries and to friends. She

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Beating the EconomyU s e w h a t ’s a l re a d y i n y o u r h o u s e .

F I N A N C I A L • F R U G A L I T Y

Without a comprehensive framework,you fall prey to faulty assumptions,including: the belief that following theherd offers a safe and sustainable pathto the future; an unwillingness to identi-fy and challenge assumptions; a failureto anticipate negative consequences;and adhering to an original goal despitechanging trends and circumstances.

You need a more dynamic frameworkto know when to hold and when to foldyour plans. Sticking with a failing plan inthe name of loyalty or consistency invitesserious problems. Master the art of ad-justing your plans in light of change.

When you adhere to an original target inthe name of consistency or pride, you’re notexercising leadership. Achieving what isno longer desirable is no achievement.Keep your eye on today’s key prize.

Instead of relying on static strategies

and stagnant thinking, select the rightgoals at the right time to achieve the rightresults. Select goals wisely, gain goalalignment and commitment, set realisticexpectations, cultivate a priority mind-set, allocate resources and energies topriorities, and monitor execution.

You must focus on the right results toget the best results. As Peter Druckersaid, “Effective leadership is defined byresults, not attributes.” When you exercisewise judgment, you deliver the right resultsat the right time in the right way.

You can’t control events, but you candecide how you will respond to them. To-day, you must know your critical goals andwhat you need to do to achieve them. PE

Mary Lippitt, founder of Enterprise Management, is aconsultant, speaker and author of The LeadershipSpectrum. Email mlippitt@enterprisemgt.com.

ACTION: Select and seek your financial goals.

by Mary Lippitt

US AIRWAYS’ CAPTAINChesley “Sully” Sullen-

berger’s success in dealingwith engine power loss with a cleardecision to land in the Hudson Riverstemmed from his ability to prioritize goals.In his biography, Sully talks about “goalsacrificing” when you have to selectwhich goal is the most critical to act on.He accepted the loss of a multi-milliondollar plane to save lives. He was ableto make that decision only because he wasclear about his priorities and the situation.

How effective are you in dealing withsudden change or handling serious prob-lems? Are you prepared to make mid-course adjustments, or do you keep onyour planned route—no matter what ishappening? If so, you are ill prepared tomake timely and tough decisions. Youmight aim to be all things to all people;however, resources are limited, and dif-ficult choices must be made wisely. Asyou set priorities based on circum-stances, you’ll make smarter decisions.

You may have great competencies,but you still need to develop timely andeffective goals and actions as circum-stances morph. Coping with a shiftingstream of real-world issues means sacri-ficing less critical goals, either temporar-ily or permanently, based on a clearunderstanding of viable alternatives.

Knowing how to perform an assignedfunction is critical, but knowing what todo and when to adapt is also essential.What actions must be done to achievegoals? Nimbleness and intelligence areessential during rapid change. Wisdomtranslates into the ability to analyze, bal-ance, select, and implement a sound actionplan to achieve key goals in a compressedtimeframe. Sound judgment requiresevaluating the trade-offs between com-peting demands and gaining the commit-ment of others to achieve realistic goals.

Today, effective leaders are changingtheir priorities from broad goals to moreconcrete and tangible results in executionand performance. Change your priori-ties when confronted with new realitiesand concentrate on what is feasible andproductive in light of these realities.

A solid priority framework enablesintelligent goal selection, avoids beingblindsided by unanticipated events, andhelps to identify faulty assumptions.

by Kevin D. Gazzara

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR Adifferent job? Is work

not as exciting as it was? Doyou feel stuck in a financial rut?

If so, I hope to help you differentiateyourself. The most important productyou market is yourself. If you’ve evertaken a marketing class, you’ve heardof Sustainable Competitive Advantage(SCA). This product differen-tiator creates unique value. Itis the ease of Apple’s iPod®and iTunes®, the maneuver-ability of Dyson’s Ball vacu-um cleaner, or Burger King’sHave It Your Way® hamburg-er to meet your unique tastes.You live with these experi-ences daily, but you likelydon’t think of yourself as a product.

Interview QuestionsIn my coaching sessions, I hold a mock

job interview utilizing three questions:Question 1: Why I should hire you?

Most everyone responds: “Because I’ma hard worker, self-starter, good teamplayer, or fast learner.” Once the inter-viewee has exhausted a list of attribut-es, we move on to the next question.

Question 2: How would you expectyour response to differ from that of thenext person sitting in that seat? Theresponse is almost the same: completesilence, followed with uhs or ums.

Question 3: What is your SCA? This

response is often the same as theresponse to Question 2.

Today, with fewer jobs and morecandidates, recognizing and developingyour SCA is critical. Even if you’reemployed and feel relatively secure inyour job, building your SCA can posi-tively influence your self-confidenceand your interactions with others.

Finding your SCATo discover your SCA, address five

questions: What am I passionate about?What knowledge or experience do Ihave that few other people could claimto have? What have I done where Ihave demonstrated my specific knowl-

edge or experience? Whatdoes my unique talent, skill,or experience offer to peopleor organizations that I wantto work with? What action(s)do I need to take now toenhance my SCA?

Without having a benefitsproposition, you can’t grabthe attention of potential

employers. So, develop your SCA posi-tioning statement: “If I could provideyou an ROI that is 10 times higher thanmy wage, would you be interested?”The answer is always yes! Having afocused SCA proposition provides thedifferentiator. If you don’t now have aSCA proposition, address the five ques-tions; plan to build upon your passionand interests and to generate tangibleresults that are valuable to others.

The sooner you develop your SCA,the faster you’ll enjoy success. It’s nevertoo late to begin building your future. PE

Kevin D. Gazzara, DM, is CEO of Magna LeadershipSolutions. Email kevin@magnaleadership.com.

ACTION: Discover your advantage.

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Boost Your MarketabilityFind and develop an advantage.

Why Prioritize?Achieve the right goals.

F I N A N C I A L • A D VA N TA G E

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Paradoxically, the more we’re willingto lose, the more powerful we become.

Who Has True Power?There’s a great story—apocryphal—

about a warlord in ancient Asia whowas running amok through the coun-tryside, burning and killing everythingand everybody in his path. One day,he and his warriors moved into aBuddhist Monastery and started pil-laging. The warlord burst into thecourtyard with his bloody sword andencountered, sitting cross-legged in themiddle of the space, a wrinkled oldman, who gazed at him calmly.

The warlord brandished his swordand swung it at the old man with allhis might, stopping at the last second.

The old man never flinched. Enraged,the warlord drew back his sword andswung again, this time straight downas if to split the old man from top tobottom. Again, he stopped his sword.

Furiously, the warlord shouted,“What’s the matter old man, have younever met a man who could take your lifewith a single blow?”

The old man said calmly, “What’sthe matter with you? Have you never meta man who was not afraid to die?”

Stunned, the warlord dropped hissword and ordered his men, “Stop kill-ing these people. This man has a powergreater than mine.” Not being afraid todie gave the old man superior power.

Power is all about fear. Not beingafraid to lose your job, or of peoplemocking you, hating you, or rejectingyou could give you all the power youneed to live freely. How often have youbalked at initiating an important workbecause of fear? How many conversa-tions have you avoided out of fear ofnot doing it right, or it not turning outthe way you hope? Many, I’ll bet.

Easter: A Story of CourageNow we come back around to Easter.

Here we have the amazing story of aman, an extraordinary man to be sure,who loved something so much, whocared so much about something otherthan his own life, that he willingly gaveit up, rather than resist or defend him-self. Who had the most power in theEaster story? Herod, the designatedleader of the religious elite of the time,the one with the power to banish peo-ple from access to their God? Pilate, themost powerful Roman leader in thatpart of the world, with an army at hisdisposal, and the authority to do what-ever he wanted? No, the most powerfulperson in this story was the lonely,abandoned man, Jesus, who had noth-ing going for him in the end—excepthis courage and his love. Is there anymore powerful individual in history?

What is the lesson here? The lessonis this: the freedom, sense of purpose,the access to power that we seek, is tobe found on the other side of our fear.

The cross is such a polarizing sym-bol. Here’s how I see it. Hold yourhands in front of you, parallel to eachother. That’s when life is unfolding justfine; you feel safe and significant. Nowopen your elbows wider and bend yourhands toward each other until your fin-gertips touch out in front of you. That’swhen the lines of your life start to con-verge, to squeeze in on you, creatingpressure—and fear. What if they cometogether and that’s the end of my job, mymarriage, my friendship, or my life! Whathappens then? Now allow your hands tocross at your wrists, and extend yourarms in front of you as they cross. Thelines of life do not end at that fearfulplace; they cross, and even start toexpand on the other side of our fear.

The ancient Arabic/Aramaic root ofthe biblical word for to be saved is theword for to be trapped or squeezed into asmall space with an Aleph (the letter a) infront of it, which reverses the meaning.The Aleph means that our being trap-ped or squeezed by life’s forces is sud-denly reversed, and we are released or un-leashed into a space of greater freedom.

What if to be saved means to find your-self in a place of infinite spaciousness, likethat place on the other side of your fear?That’s where Jesus—and all great spiri-tual leaders—lived much of the time.They show us what lies beyond the cross-ing point of our fear—new life, possibili-ty, joy, purpose, power and peace. PE

John J. Scherer is author of Five Questions that ChangeEverything and heads the Scherer Leadership Center.Visit www.scherercenter.com.

ACTION: Exercise your courage to gain power.

by John J. Scherer

FOR ME, THE STORY OF EASTERis about the courage and

power required to live and loveall out. These questions come to mind:Who has courage? Who thinks they haveit? Who needs it? Who has true power?Who thinks they have it? Can you lovedeeply without courage and power?

Some years ago, I had an uncomfort-able conversation with the CEO of aninsurance company. He was musingabout the people around him, wonder-ing about their future in the organiza-tion. He mentioned several of his keypeople, making evaluative commentsabout each one and then asking me,“John, what do you think of Tracy?”

In this moment of truth, I wondered,“Do I offer my assessment about Tracy,or not?” If I gave the CEO what he wasasking for, he would take in what I said—he trusted me—consider it, and thenmake his own decisions about whowould stay and who would go. On theother hand, if I did speak to him aboutmy evaluations, and word got out that Ihad, no one on his staff would feel safeor free to speak their hearts and mindsto me again—nor should they.

It took all of my courage to say, “If Itell you what I think, your people willnever trust me again. So, I’ll pass onthat request.” I think that decision,made on a razor’s edge of courage, ledhim to respect me even more.

In that conversation, the CEO men-tioned Bill, someone who was three lev-els below him, and mused, “Bill wouldbe the last person I’d let go!”

Why? I asked.“Because other people around me tell

me what they think I want to hear, howgreat I am, how they agree with what Iam doing. It makes me sick sometimes.But Bill is likely to say, ‘Man, what wereyou thinking when you said what yousaid? That’s about the craziest thing I’veever heard! Let me tell you what’s hap-pening out there as a result.’ Now whywould I ever let him go? He’s the onlyone with the courage to tell me the truth.”

As a result of his willingness to sac-rifice himself—his job, his children’seducation, his mortgage on his house,his everything—Bill became the mostpowerful and the most secure person.

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Courageous LoveI t ’ s t h e s o u r c e o f g r e a t p o w e r .

S E R V I C E • P O W E R

side of your body. If you are sitting, feelyour bones on the surface of the seat.Feel the bottoms of your feet on the floor.Allow you awareness to drop under-neath of you into the earth. With gravityyou are connected to the earth—so feel it!

4. Soak up nurturing energy from thisconnection with the earth. Allow nour-ishing sensations to fill you up. Whatwould that feel like? Do your best to feelit as well as see it. And take your time.

Take these steps to full body presence.This will help you develop a fuller senseof trust and confidence in yourself. PE

Suzanne Scurlock-Durana is the author of Full BodyPresence (New World Library). She teaches and speaksaround the world. Visit www.fullbodypresence.com.

ACTION: Care for your own needs first.

Take Four StepsTo stay energized, you need to devel-

op the skill of listening to your innerwisdom. Try taking these four steps:

1. Be curious as to what is going oninside of you. Allow yourself to slowdown and take your attention inward.You may need to partially or fully closeyour eyes. Simply notice what is hap-pening inside your body with no judg-ment. Whatever shows up is fine.

2. Notice sensations, intuitive hits,and physical awareness that is new orfamiliar. Register it all with a neutralmind. Simply drink in your experience.It offers you important information thatonly your inner landscape can give you.

3. Allow yourself to feel the under-

by Daryl Stevenett

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT’Slike to do without in an

emergency? Do you have theproducts that can make the differencebetween life and death in an emergency?

I remember a trucking strike when Iwas young. My mother took me to thegrocery store to stock up on food. Whenwe got to the store, everything was gone.The shelves were bare. All the bread,milk, meat, cereal was gone.My mother started to cry, andwe left for home empty handed.

People had panicked dueto the strike. After a few days,the strike was resolved, andthings returned to normal.But to this day, I wonderwhat would have happened ifthe strike had lasted months.

What if the power was turned off,resulting in no heat or refrigeration? Noheat could have been catastrophic forour family. Without power, we’d haveno refrigeration, and our food would gobad. Restaurants and stores would closetheir doors due to tainted food.

Today, I’m an outdoorsman whotakes prides in surviving in the wilder-ness with only my wits and whatever Ican fit in my backpack. If you want toprepare for the worst before the worst hap-pens, have these six products:

1. Premium first aid kit. Have a goodfirst aid kit on hand. Make sure that it is portable and contains all the basics,including antiseptics, bandages, gauze,scissors, water, and a first-aid guide-book, such as the one by Guardian

Survival Gear (www.mysurvival.org).2. Food replacement. You have to

eat, and that’s why you stock cannedgoods for emergencies. But what if theyare destroyed, lost, or looted? In an em-ergency when food is not available, Irecommend LifeCaps (www.lifecaps.net),a small super-vitamin that feeds yourbody the nutrition it needs.

3. Swiss Army knife. You can’t gowrong with a quality Swiss ArmyKnife, with various blades and acces-sories (visit www.wenger.ch).

4. Hammock and tent. When you’retrying to survive, sleep deprivation isyour worst enemy. You make badchoices when stressed and sleepless;you need to have a decent place to

sleep. I suggest having ahammock and tent. TheHennessey Hammock is lightand eliminates having topack a pad (www.hennessy-hammock.com).

5. Fire starters. You can’tbring fire with you, but agood fire starter is the nextbest thing. The fire starters

must still work, even if they get wet. Ibought a couple different kinds of flintfire starters. I’ll never go back to match-es (www.ultimatesurvival.com).

6. Goose down coat and pants. If thepower goes out, the evenings can getvery cold. I am a big believer in goosedown coats and pants. They are verylightweight and last for years. Theykeep you toasty warm and are easy tostore (www.e-omc.com).

With these products, even in a nat-ural disaster or emergency, you’ll havethe basics of food, shelter, fire, and pro-tection from the elements. PE

Daryl Stevenett is an avid backpacker and outdoors-man. Call Rachel Friedman, 727-443-7115, ext. 206,or email Rachel@newsandexperts.com.

ACTION: Have emergency supplies.

Six Must-Have ItemsThese products could save lives.

by Suzanne Scurlock-Durana

ARE YOU SOMEONE WHOcares about other people?

Are you the first to notice if someone isupset? Do you like to help those in needaround you? Are you someone whooften thinks of other’s needs beforeyour own? Are you service-oriented?

If you answered yes, you are a personwith great empathy and compassion.You are also someone who may struggleto have both healthy connections andhealthy boundaries. Yet, both are requiredto enjoy your life and not burn out as acaring, empathic person. Empathyincreases your ability to feel exquisitejoy and deep connection to life. It alsoincreases your capacity to feel pain,confusion, frustration, fatigue, and fear.

The key to keeping your capacity toreceive life fully without being drained isin knowing how to take care of yourselfso that you stay energized. You may findthat your attention goes externally tohelping others. You may even get mostof your self-esteem from how well youcan help those in need around you. Theproblem is when you lose your abilityto sense what is going on inside yourselfbecause of your habit of paying moreattention to what others need.

Do you know how to turn yourattention inward? Often it comes downto habits—what you were rewarded forin your family? If you were rewardedfor taking care of everyone else first, youmay struggle to take good care of yourself.

To know what you need, you needto sense what is going on inside your-self. Do you know your needs? Do youthink it is selfish or self-centered to payattention to your own needs?

With the stresses and pressures youexperience daily, you need to take careof yourself. The airlines have it right—you must put your own oxygen maskon first. If you don’t, you can’t help thechild or person in need beside you. Thisprinciple may run counter to how youwere raised. Yet when you know how tofill your own container, you have moreto offer the world around you. Yourgifts are more fully and easily expressed.

When you feel good and energized,you are more effective and often moreefficient. When you are tired or fraz-zled, you make more mistakes. This istrue in your work and your private life.

S E R V I C E • C O M PA S S I O N

Compassionate ServiceDon’t neglect your own needs.

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WHO ARE YOU? DO YOU KNOW THE ANSWER?You know that who you are is contagious,

so when you describe yourself, considerthree key questions. Your answers might notbe as accurate as you’ve come to believe.

Are you the labels you give yourself? In anintroduction, people will ask your name andwhat you do? Is this who you are? Maybeyour answer is a director, manager, or conta-gious leader. Maybe you say you’re a mom, adad, a husband, or a friend. These are labelsand descriptions of roles or behaviors—notthe totality of who you are. Does one labelcover who you are or is there more? Insteadof being clear on who the authentic youmight be, are you faking it until you make itor comfortable in your own skin?

Are you the job you perform? Sometimesyou identify yourselves with your job title.Yet if that job changes or you retire, you areleft wondering who you are or asking “whatdo I want to be when I grow up?” You aremore than your job; in fact, you are morethan your labels. Consider this, what if whoyou were, was whatever and whomever youwanted to be? What’s stopping you fromthis? Really? Aren’t you the only one whocan get in your own way? If you’re your ownbest barrier, you won’t be fully engaged inyour job, life, family, and goals. There’s moreto you than the job you perform.

Are you what others tell you, you are? Dr.Buffington, co-founder of the CORE Profile,states that whenever someone says “You are_____”, it is a form of manipulation. They’retrying to get you to believe what they sayabout you. Do you believe what others tellyou, or do you believe that “what othersthink about you, is none of your business?”

The likely truth is that you are who yousay you are—and whatever that might be, itis spreading to others and populating theirperception and beliefs about you. Your iden-tity is a combination of labels from you andfrom others, roles you have played, andexperiences labeled good or bad, or right orwrong, as well as the influence of the opin-ions of others. You are who you claim to be,who you profess to be, and who you want tobe. So, who is that person that you want tobe? Is that what you are sharing with others,and do you believe that it’s possible to bethat person? PE

Monica Wofford is author of Contagious Leadership. Visitwww.contagiouscoaching.com or call 1-866-382-0121.

ACTION: Define who you are.

Find and do your thing.Everyone has an It—yourpurpose in life, a passionyou have, or a project

that you’ve been putting off. Whatwill do about it? What will you doabout what you aren’t doing? Ifthe answer is nothing, I invite youto identify and start acting on theone thing you know you should bedoing, but aren’t. Your It is whatdrives you, compels you, fills youwith passion. To shift from being atalker to being a doer, you need toidentify and act on your It: 1) GetQuiet. Think about what you arepulled to do and how you mightexecute on it; 2) Know that objectsin the mirror may be closer than theyappear. Create ways to start actingon your It without bailing on whatyou’re doing right now. You canwrite a book while you have a job.You can do photo shoots for peo-ple on the weekend. You cantweak your job description ratherthan start your own company. 3) Involve others. Somehow, get thehelp of others, perhaps through asupport network. Once you makeyourself a little vulnerable by shar-ing your It with other people,everything changes—you’ll startmoving on your It and experiencethe “aha” moment that transformsyour inaction into action. Onceyou determine your It, you’ll feelfree to act on passion.—Scott Wittig, www.holyitbook.com

I see no correlationbetween SMART goals(Specific, Measurable,Achievable, Realistic, and

Time-bound) and high achievement.So, what drives people towardgreatness? What goal-settingprocess can help you achieve greatthings? The top predictors ofwhether your goals will help youmaximize your potential include: I can vividly picture how great it willfeel when I achieve my goals. I need tolearn new skills to achieve my goals.My goals are necessary to help myteam. I actively participated in creat-ing my goals. Being stretched out ofyour comfort zone, driving towardexcellence, pushes you to excel.—Mark Murphy, www.leadershipiq.com

You may seek to avoid hav-ing crucial conversationssince the stakes are alwayshigh, but if you don’t hold

them (or do them badly), your rela-tionships and results suffer. Havethe conversation. Avoiding the per-son or problem will not help. Issueswill fester, and the relationship willsour. To ensure the conversationgoes well, take three steps:

Analyze: Reflect on the conver-sations you’ve had with this per-son. Record them, to the extent youcan. Then ask yourself: “What did Ido that worked? What didn’t work?What was I thinking when I said ordid that? What intentions or motivesdid I have when things went wrong?”

Prepare: Ask yourself: “What canI do differently next time to makethings better? How can I better startthe conversation? How can I makeit safe for the other party? How canI deal with thoughts or emotionsthat are not helpful? What can I sayor do differently?” Record youranswers, and rehearse the conver-sation that you need to have now.Plan how you’ll invite the otherperson to engage in dialogue withyou. Plan the words. Plan whereyou’ll meet, and keep it private.Also, plan your apology for whatyou’ve done in the past and shareyour intention that you’d like towork this out so you can have agood relationship moving forward.

Practice: Practice conversationsthat matter most. Find a friend whocan serve as a practice coach. Makesure he or she understands the situ-ation, and can role play various sce-narios of the conversation. For ex-ample, if the other person says it’sno big deal, practice your response.If he or she (or you) becomes emo-tional, what will you say or do?When you practice holding vitalconversations, you increase yourability to have a positive outcome.Consider your options if a conver-sation doesn’t work out as planned.What will you do? Will you ask tohave another conversation? Willyou ask a third party to mediate?

Anticipating, preparing and practic-ing options can help you make goodchoices in crucial conversations.—Al Switzler, www.vitalsmarts.com

GOALGETTERSCharacter

Service

Physical

Mental

Career

FinancialSocial

PersonalCOACH

P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e w w w . L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m 1 5

Who You AreIt’s not what you do.by Monica Wofford

character isn’t determined by how youconduct yourself when the choices are easyand comfortable, but rather by how youconduct yourself when your life is tough.

In viewing the lives of the rich andfamous, we see: no one is above reproach.

Choices can be defined as the mentalprocess of thinking to determine a selec-tion of multiple alternatives. Or as myGrandmother was fond of saying, “Atsome point you should have given thatsome more thought before you did it.”

While the media may showcase theflawed choices of Tiger and others, insteadof passing judgment and ganging up onthose that fall due to bad choices, learna lesson and apply it to your life. Inmaking those applications, ask yourself,“How do I make choices in my life?”

Five simple steps may assist you: 1:

Think it out. Ask the right questions. Isthis the right thing to do? How will thisaffect me, my family? Why am I doingthis? 2: Deal with the consequences; takeownership. 3: Accept responsibility foryour actions. 4: Be accountable for youractions. 5: Be honest with yourself.

The more you practice these fivesteps, the better you become in makingrational, intelligent decisions that leadyou forward—not standing in place,going backwards, or living a life full ofregret. Idealistic? Give it a shot. It isyour choice, and it is a birthright.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Yourphilosophy is not best expressed inwords but in the choices you make.” PE

W. Granville Brown is author of Choices. Visitwww.wgranvillebrown.com. billythecloser@yahoo.com.

ACTION: Make wise choices in your life.

by W. Granville Brown

NO MATTER HOW MUCHyou succeed in life or

who you are, you can stillfall prey to temptation, lust, greed, andhave your faith and beliefs shaken—ifnot completely stirred. But before thefinal chapter is written, keep in mindthat you possess free will and makeyour own choices. In facing the reflectedtruth as you gaze in the mirror of self-revelation, you must admit that no onecan make you do anything you don’t reallywish to do, especially if you have thefaith in yourself to persevere, in eventhe most arduous endeavors you face.

In today’s society, just about anyonecan become a famous or infamous with-in the flash of a camera. Then quicklythey become our idols and celebritiesthat embody the perfect lives that youand I can only dream about. Strangely,when one of the elite makes a mistake, asadistic glee rears up once the disap-pointment of feeling betrayed passes.Often we suppose that somehow the fallof the mighty in some way lifts us up.Truth be told, it absolutely doesn’t. Itsimply illustrates that elevation of oursouls is within each of us, and it beginswith our decision-making process.

Your choices are inextricably pack-aged with your beliefs, paradigms,behaviors, and the ability to deal withthe consequences of your actions. Youhave the innate ability to make yourown decisions. But with choice, there isalso a measure of both accountabilityand responsibility. Too often when wereceive an unfavorable result (failure),we tend to mask the result in excuses,rationalizations, or explanations to castthem as the reason for the result. Insome cases—such as the highly publi-cized debacle of Tiger Woods—a senseof entitlement comes into play. Tigerstated that he felt he could get away withwhatever he wanted to. We can only sur-mise that he said that based on who heis and what he has achieved. Rightly orwrongly, he felt that he was entitled tomake the choices he made. Ironically,the mediums that elevate performers tocelebrity status normally depict a story-line where adversity reveals the build-ing of character. In actuality, adversitydoesn’t build character—it reveals it. Lifetruly imitates art in that respect. Your

by Sandra Ford Walston

THERE IS A STRONG CORRELA-tion between courageous

leadership and success. You cancultivate the six components at work.

1. Clarity: Look for clues about yourinner calling. Think about a time and anissue that excited and animated you.You’ve likely experienced this positiveenergy at some point. Perhaps you haveall but forgotten this experience; but ifyou look closer, you might see that itrevealed your inner essence. Define whatis vital in your life and esca-late your success at work. Onemoment of courageous claritycan work miracles in your effec-tiveness and career advancement.

2. Consistency: Reflect on afacet of work that causes ten-sion. Note your default couragesettings in the situation (youmight often change your mind).Then, suspend assumptions, detachfrom opinions and certainty about whatyou think is true, and take responsibilityfor developing your courage consciousnessand lifting the spirits of your colleagues.Stop to reflect and meditate.

3. Controversy: At times, you may needto appropriately challenge the people youwish to influence. You do this by stand-ing firm in your convictions and ques-tioning the situation. As Martin LutherKing Jr. once said: “The ultimate measureof a man is not where he stands in mo-ments of comfort and convenience, butwhere he stands at times of challenge

and controversy.” Regardless of the cost,do you stand steadfast to demonstrate yourtalents and stand up for what you know tobe right? Courageous, forthright actiondoes not mean bravado. Courage initi-ates decisive action and accepts nothing less.

4. Commitment: When you managehow you learn, you also manage yourworkplace persona, a key to developingcourage. When you’re centered in yourcourage consciousness, your persona hon-estly reflects your inner being. Success isabout developing your identity, yourtrue self, so that you feel fulfilled andhappy. Self-doubt undermines success.As the ancient Chinese proverb says:“He who hesitates before each stepspends his life on one leg.”

5. Confessing: Do you confess yourshortcomings and missteps? Or, do you

respond deceptively to keepyour ego intact? Confessing isgood for the spirit when done ina timely manner and with posi-tive intent. The process helpsyou face the truth. You takeresponsibility for what’s hap-pening with your spirit andaddress those missteps thatcollect unhealthy energy. Yes,

you invite potential trouble when youconfess shortcomings, but you holdyourself accountable and build integrity.

6. Candor: Straight talk gets atten-tion. Speaking with courage means learn-ing to speak with your own voice. Onlyby learning to express yourself fromyour courageous identities can youbegin to employ the courage thatmoves you beyond ambiguity. PE

Sandra Ford Walston is a consultant, speaker, trainer,courage coach, and author of Courage: The Heart andSpirit of Every Woman. Visit www.sandrawalston.comor email sandra@sandrawalston.com.

ACTION: Cultivate your courage.

I N S P I R AT I O N • C H O I C E S

1 6 w w w . L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e

Cultivate CourageDevelop six components.

Birthright ChoicesLearn from Tiger’s troubles.

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