kki r - bloof booksbloofbooks.com/ihtyhirf_ebook.pdf · 2019-11-22 · appendages inside of other...
TRANSCRIPT
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I HATE TELLING YOUHOW I REALLYFEEL
NIKKI WALLSCHLAEGER
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I SHARED MY PAIN WITH YOU because I thought you were a friend (you wanted me to validate you as one of the good guys) I SHARED MY PAIN WITH YOU because I thought you were my mother (I’ve watched you destroy yourself for decades) I SHARED MY PAIN WITH YOU because you were supposed to be my father (when we we first met you were preoccupied with showboating)
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WE SHARE OUR PAIN WITH YOU because we’re supposed to be sisters (white feminism) I SHARED MY PAIN because you are my grandmother (the house of repression) I SHARED PAIN WITH YOU because you were my grandfather (your father was lynched when you were a child) I SHARED MY PAIN WITH YOU because I thought you were a teacher I SHARED MY PAIN WITH YOU because I thought you were a mentor (you were not inspired you were stealing)
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WE SHARE OUR PAIN WITH YOU because we are part of the world (you kill us in thousands of ways daily).
I HATE TELLING YOU HOW I REALLY FEEL
It’s a risk I take when YOU WON’T BELIEVE ME
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I HATE TELLING YOUHOW I REALLY FEEL
NIKKI WALLSCHLAEGER
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EVERY BLACK GIRL’S FIRSTWESTERN BOYFRIEND
TIME IS THE LOWERING MEAT CLEAVER OF THE WORLD
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WITH COMPLIANCE AGAIN
CONFUSED FRIENDSHIP
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DRIPPING WITH BUNTING
ALL THOSE SAD-BLOOM FACES
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SO WHY AM I ANXIOUS
I HAD A NICE TIME
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MAKE ME LOOK LESS OF APERFECT VICTIM TO RALLY AROUND
DOES THIS DRESS
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YOU ARE NICER TO PEOPLE WHO REALLY DON’T DESERVE IT
THE THING IS WITH ALCOHOL
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JUST LIKE THOSE ’50s CARTOONSWE WATCHED AS CHILDREN
A CIRCLET OF MURDERED BOYS MARCHING OVER YOUR HEAD
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INSTEAD OF ACOLORBLIND MANSPLAINER
WISH YOU WERE A BEER
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FOR AN INVISIBLE PHONE CALL FROM BOYS LIKE YOU
I USED TO WAIT ALL DAY
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AMOUNT OF DREAMS
I DO HAVE AN ABNORMAL
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YOU’RE KILLIN ME BROET
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FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
READY TO ETERNALLY TALK OVER YOU
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IT MEANS YOU NEVERHAVE TO APOLOGIZE
IT’S EASY TO LOVE SOMEONE INCOMPREHENSIBLE
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I HATE TELLING YOU HOW I REALLY FEEL
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FOR EVERYONE
NORMAL CONVERSATION
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MUST BE NICETO HAVE THAT LUXURY
I WAKE TO SLEEP ANDTAKE MY WAKING SLOW
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ARE YOU WORTH THE RINGWORM
THAT HOPE IS ANOTHER BLOATED MOAT
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OBLIGATIONS
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PEOPLE WHO THINK FEELINGS ARE FOR LIBERALS
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BY TEACHABLE MOMENTSIN THE VALLEY
I AM USUALLY BETRAYED
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DEVASTATION
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EMOTIONAL POVERTY
WHAT ABOUT
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I AM GROWING MANDIBLES UNDER MY SHIFT
LIKE ALL GOOD HOUSE GIRLS
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ON A PAYDAY AFTERNOON
QUIET AND PLEASANT
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EXHAUSTED FROM GIVING A FUCK
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Some of the lines from this project have appeared in the following publications as appendages inside of other poems, as part of a bigger body in progress called Crawlspace:
Time is the lowering meat cleaver of the world every black girl’s first western boyfriend is from “Sonnet (40)” in P-Queue 12
All those sad-bloom faces dripping with bunting is from “Sonnet (12)” in Dusie: Ecopoetics guest-edited by Marthe Reed
The thing is with alcohol you are nicer to people who really don’t deserve it is from “Sonnet (38)” forthcoming in the Electric Gurlesque
A circlet of murdered boys marching over your head just like those ’50s cartoons we watched as children is from “Sonnet (28)” in Elective Affinities
I used to wait all day for an invisible phone call from boys like you is from “Sonnet (37)” P-Queue 12
It’s easy to love someone incomprehensible it means you never have to apologize is from “Sonnet (34)” in the Brooklyn Rail
I am usually betrayed by teachable moments in the valley is from “Sonnet (28)” in Elective Affinities
Quiet and pleasant on a payday afternoon is from “Sonnet (8)” in the Account
Nikki Wallschlaeger is the author of Houses (Horse Less, 2015), and the chapbook I Would Be the Happiest Bird (Horse Less, 2014).
I Hate Telling You How I Really Feel is the fourth chapbook in the 2015 series from Bloof Books. Each chapbook in the series is released in a limited edition of numbered copies, followed by a digital release, and a year-end combination volume called Bound.
BLOOF BOOKS CHAPBOOK SERIES
Volume 3: Issue 4 (2015)ISSN 2373-163X
This is the electronic version
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YOU NEVER KNOWWHAT I’LL SAY NEXT