kung-fu for dharmi chapter1 pursuers

8/14/2019 Kung-Fu for Dharmi Chapter1 Pursuers

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Charles J. Lee

KUNG-FU

for

DHARMI

CHARLES J. LEE

First published by Char les J. Lee, December 2009

All rights rese rved .

Copyr ight Char les J. Lee 2009

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Kung-fu means Skill or Ability.

It applies to all life experiences.

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Charles J. Lee

CHAPTER ONE

Pursuers

Somewhere in The Real World...

A vehicle sped between more leisurely moving ones, cutting across

multiple lanes on the highway without signaling. As long as there was a gap,

the driver grabbed it, squeezing in abruptly and forcing other drivers to jam

their brakes.

The woman sitting in the front passenger seat pursed her lips and

gripped her knees tightly.

Michael, do you know the difference between an Otto and a Karl?

Cindy asked.

Karl Otto Daimler invented the internal consumption engine which

powers these mechanical beasts... Michael recited automatically.

Ugh! Cindy lifted both hands upwards. Im talking about how you

handle them!

Whats wrong?

One is a modern horse; the other is a carriage without horses. You

dated me on your Otto, but this is a rented Kaaah! Cindy opened and shut

her mouth in shock as Michael overtook another Karl with hardly any room

to spare.

After waiting several seconds for the blood to return to her face, Cindy

turned to Michael.

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You have been driving this Karl as though it was our Otto, squeezing

between other vehicles on the road, making sharp turns, overtaking and

doing all those dangerous stunts! Cindy exclaimed. Have you forgotten our

babies sleeping behind? Have you forgotten that you have become a father?

Michael sighed. I havent forgotten. But we need to get out of here as

soon as possible.

There was a pause.

You fought with some man in a bar, and now his gang is after you?

No.

Then what is it?

Creditors. Yours and mine.

Cindys face paled.

They sent a Collector to get the money you owe. I defeated him

within three moves and he fled. Then two Collectors came for my debts. I

drove them off in ten moves. But the Collectors never give up. Theyll be

back.

Why didnt you sell our house? Or get a second mortgage?

Home prices fell. We now owe more than our house is worth. The

house has been foreclosed on.

How come I dont know about this? Cindys voice took on an edge.

You only told me to pack for a long trip!

I didnt say anything to you because you were in the ward, Michael

replied.

Oh dear... the Collectors... Cindy squeezed her face between both

hands. That is bad. I didnt expect our finances... As you know, Michael sighed, We both have student loans and

credit cards debts. After I lost my job, we have been falling behind on our

interest payments.

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Charles J. Lee

So youre driving like this because we are being chased, Cindy

replied soberly.

Dear, I may be a bad boy through and through. But I wouldnt

endanger our babies for no reason, Michael said as he weaved between

several Karls with the deftness of a racing driver.

As Michael made a sharp turn at high speed, causing Cindy to squeal

with shock, a mountain appeared in the distance.

A new light came into Michaels eyes. Wait a moment. That unique

shape and sign... isnt that Mt. Beaver?

Where my sister lives, Cindy replied without enthusiasm.

Michael tried to sound upbeat. Why dont we see your sister? She

might be able to do something for us.

My sister isnt talking to me, Cindy said in a tone that suggested she

did not want to explain.

Thats fine then. I wasnt counting on any support anyway, Michael

shrugged and hunched over the controls.

Cindy looked back anxiously at her babies. Despite Michaels driving,

the newborns were all sleeping peacefully.

If you want to escape from the Collectors, shouldnt we be going

South instead?

Were heading for Pimento City, Michael answered.

Cindy raised her eyebrows.

Why are you seeking safety in that dangerous place?

Pimento City? It is the capital of this land.

They say that this land is ruled by criminals, led by a formermercenary and mass-murderer.

These people wont bother us. And I need to meet one of my oldest

friends, Michael said as he steered the Karl more cautiously between two

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enormous trucks. We played together as children. He is now known as the

Regulator.

The Regulator? But... Cindy pursed her lips. The Regulator doesnt

do special favors for friends. He only helps the righteous. Are you sure he

will protect you?

Honey, I dont do bad things, Michael said with a wicked grin.

Except with you.

Cindy laughed, but her face showed that she was not convinced.

Why dont you seek help from your brother first? Doesnt he have a

training center near here?

Michael sighed. My brother doesnt talk to me anymore. Said I get

drunk too often, get into fights, the like.

Doesnt he get into fights too?

Well... we had a major falling out after he heard about my nickname.

Said I had spoiled the family name. Made him lose face, stuff like that.

But you dont drink anymore.

Exactly. Thats why I dare to meet the Regulator.

If youve stopped drinking, surely your brother will forgive you also?

Michael sighed. I owe him money.

I dont remember you ever borrowing money from him, Cindy

commented. If you had, you wouldnt be owing all these Creditors money,

would you?

Michael smiled ruefully. Do you remember that party last year at

Jacks house?

Oh yes! Cindy laughed. You were still the party guy! Exactly, Michael said with a tinge of guilt in his voice. And

remember what they said when I entered the house?

Enter The Drunkard! Cindy shouted. She also jerked a fist upwards in

a gesture of cheerful excitement, but remembered just in time that she was

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in a Karl. She stopped her fist a hairs breadth from the roof, which was very

fortunate for the roof.

My brother heard about that, Michael sighed.

Ooh, Cindy said with a laugh.

Youve heard me say hes big on the traditional stuff. Honor, face, the

like, Michael replied. Not irreverent like me.

So he heard the news and went through the roof? Cindy grinned.

He sent somebody I dont know who flying through his roof,

came the answer. Homeowners insurance rejected his claim since there

was no kung-fu mishap clause. So my brother sent me the roofing

contractors bill. It was no small sum. You know how contractors are like.

Having paid plumbers, electricians and telephone workmen before,

Cindy nodded numbly. These traumatic experiences remained indelibly fixed

in her memory.

I live a clean life now, Michael said with conviction. The Regulator

will protect us against sleazy Creditors and their pet Collectors.

*

A short distance from Mt. Beaver, Michael passed a battered old Karl

by the roadside. He assumed the Karl had broken down, but it roared to life

as Michael passed. The Karl speeded up quickly and came straight at Michael

and Cindy. There were three unshaven men inside, and one held up a

document with a grin that resembled a yawning hippopotamus.

Oh no, its the Collectors! Cindy exclaimed.

For a moment, Michael wanted to speed up. He figured his Karl could

outrun the Collectors Karl. But then Michael looked into his rearview mirrorwhere his children were sleeping peacefully. And he cast his eye at the

Collectors battered Karl again. No doubt the Collectors had engaged in

many a chase before. Michael could not risk a collision. He sighed and

slowed down, then pulled over to the side.

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Charles J. Lee

Michael emerged from the Karl as the three stout Collectors swaggered

down the road.

A Collector was carrying a burlap bag over his shoulder. Ho ho ho!

He sang out.

It isnt Christmas, Michael said unenthusiastically.

Every day is Christmas for us, the Collector said as he unslung the

burlap bag. Now, wheres the loot?

Say again?

The money your wife owes us, my dear Mister Lee.

Itll be coming to you.

We want it now.

I said, it will be coming. Now quit following us. Its dangerous.

Click-click-click-click-click.

A Collector cracked the knuckles on his right hand.

Tut, tut, the knuckle-cracking Collector said. Youre on our naughty

list. It isnt healthy to owe us.

Surely you know my reputation? Michael asked casually.

Michael Booze Lee, the Collector replied. You did give one of our

boys some bruises.

Glad you know it.

Thats why its three of us now.

Click-click-click-click-click.

The knuckle-cracking Collector now cracked the knuckles on his left

hand.

Michael stepped away from the Karl. You really want to challenge me?Your kung-fu cannot be a match for mine.

The Collectors laughed. We know that you have stopped drinking for

good. You wont be able to employ your famous Drunken Fists against us.

Do you think thats the only kung-fu I know?

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Charles J. Lee

...

Bring him down! Someone cried out. And a fight began.

Hup! The knuckle-cracking Collector grunted as he punched at

Michael. He was hoping to score the first hit, but Michael reacted in an

astonishingly short time. Even as the Collectors right fist came flying at

Michaels jaw, Michaels right hand moved up from his side, grabbed the

Collectors fist, then made a clockwise motion and twisted the Collectors

arm around.

Wwwwa! The Collector cried out in pain. But Michael had already

released his arm, because a second Collector was attacking. Michael struck

out with the base of his palm, and knocked the mans arm aside.

The bag-carrying Collector dropped his bag and tried to hit Michaels

head from the back, but Michael sensed him coming and turned. He grabbed

the mans fist and pulled him forward, then struck the man on the chest with

the base of his palm.

Ooof! The third Collector was knocked down.

The second Collector swung his fist again, but was blocked by

Michaels left hand. The side of Michaels right hand slammed into the

Collectors collarbone, and the man stumbled backwards with a cry of pain.

Oooh! Owwww! The first and second Collectors moaned in pain. The

third Collector did not say anything as he was utterly winded. He could only

pull himself backwards to avoid Michael Lee.

Have enough? Michael asked. Still want to follow me?

All three Collectors shook their heads hastily. They climbed back into

their battered Karl and fled.My hero! Cindy sang.

Hopefully thats the last of them. Pimento Citys still a long way,

Michael said as he started up his Karl.

*

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The young couple was quite unfortunate, for they enjoyed only

another ten minutes of peaceful travel. They soon came to a roadblock

formed by several oil drums with wooden planks laid across them. Several

greedy-faced men loitered near the barrier.

This makeshift roadblock would probably not stop Michael if he wished

to smash his way through it, but he had the children to consider. With

another heavy sigh, Michael slowed to a stop.

Well, well, well! The men greeted Michael as he got out of the Karl.

Michael Lee!

Very well indeed, Michael said casually. Now, if you would kindly

vacate this road, we would be immensely grateful.

Oh no, one of the men shook his head. You have to pay a toll.

This isnt a toll road.

It is, when you owe us money. Youre not passing through without

paying up.

Michael folded his arms. You will be paid. But not today. And we have

places to go.

Youre not going places until you pay.

Do you really think you can stop me?

You did give two of our boys a hard time.

With my compliments, Michael smiled grimly.

Thats why its six of us now.

Michael did not move, but looked carefully from side to side as the

men took up positions around him. At any time there were several men

outside his field of vision, so he had to keep all his senses alert. You know, all this trouble could be resolved peacefully, a Collector

said in a tone of insincere regret.

You know, you could resolve this peacefully by taking down the

barrier, Michael responded.

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No one said anything for the next minute or so. Some of the Collectors

twitched their bodies or jerked their limbs, seemingly about to attack, but

Michael was experienced enough to know that these men were only trying to

distract him.

Hai! A Collector rushed Michael from the front.

Hoi! Michael beat back the Collector. But two other Collectors

charged at him, and he had barely enough time to step back and repel them

by punching sideways with both fists.

Herh! A Collector cried out and struck at Michael from behind.

Michael turned in a flash and blocked the Collector, but his peripheral

vision told him two other Collectors were coming at him from the sides again.

He had just enough time to stoop down to avoid their blows, when his rear

came under attack by the first Collector again. Michael evaded to the side,

but two other Collectors came at him. He knocked one man back and

avoided the second, but someone struck at his shoulder blades from behind.

Michael turned on his heel just in time to evade that fist, but his flanks came

under attack by two Collectors again.

By now the Collectors tactic was quite obvious. They had six men, so

they were attacking in two formations of three men each. One man would

strike first from the front or back, followed by two men from the sides.

As fast and effective as Michael Lee was, he was facing six coordinated

opponents.

Hmmmh! Michael exhaled loudly through his nose. It sounded like an

angry snort, and startled the Collectors. Thinking that Michael might try to

rush one of them and fight his way out of this formation, the men hastilystepped back.

Its no use. Youre one man against us.

Michael tried not to let his discomfort show. You forgot that I have a

wife.

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What can she do? Scream at us? A Collector laughed.

You should know that when us Collectors are called on to find a

debtor, we will go to the ends of heaven and earth. Well bring you back to

pay your debt.

Not if I can help it, Cindy said coldly from inside the Karl. You dont

think that Michael Lees wife knows kung-fu?

Ill be glad to trade blows with your wife, a Collector leered. Part of

our job.

A blows-job, another man added in the kind of tone that overly

intelligent children used in class.

Oh? Cindy replied in a tone as sharp as a knife cutting through

sausage. Do you really want to fight us?

With that, Cindy stuck an arm out of the window. At first, her arm

looked no different from any other womans arm. Then a strange gray tone

began spreading all over her arm.

What the...

Shes employing some kind of kung-fu...

Thats right, Cindy said as her arm turned gray completely. The

transmutation kung-fu, level four. I now have a rock-hard fist.

Rock... oh no! You are Cindy Roth, The Rock! The oldest Collector

exclaimed.

Exactly. And how would you like to be punched with a fist like this?

Um...

Youre lucky our head Collector isnt here! A Collector cursed. Hes

tough! He can squeeze blood even out of a stone!Try dueling with my sister then!

But there was no one to listen. The men had fled.

Good job, Michael said as he removed the barrier. They might have

given me a tough time.

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Cindy leaned back in her seat and sighed. I wish Id learned my kung-

fu better. But that old dragon...

Your master?

Yeah. He wanted me to train in an ice chamber without clothes on.

Sounds sleazy, Michael said as he got back in.

No. That old dragon is no womanizer. Im sure he had no ill intentions.

To learn this kung-fu we needed exposure to all kinds of extremes fire

chambers, boiling oil, the like. We had to eat hellishly horrible herbs....

Urp! Michael Lee shuddered as he started the Karl. I remember the

traditional herbal remedies my mother gave me when I was sick. Drank

more bowls of black and brown stuff than I could count.

These tasted worse.

Oh, no! Michael squeezed his eyes shut. Did they taste like boiled

broccoli?

My masters potion consisted of broiled broccoli, cultured cauliflower,

crabbed cabbage and spiced spinach, Cindy replied. All in the same pot.

Garlic garnished with alfalfa added.

I could throw up, Michael said as he passed a street sign that said

CAULIFLOWER COUNTRY. Im sick of the tofu and bean sprouts on pizza

that we get here.

We are living in a health-conscious realm, Cindy smiled. Its not

called the Land of Fruits and Nuts for nothing.

Organic this, vegan that, Michael growled. The Land of Fruit-heads

and Nut-cases! Once I find the Regulator and he defeats the Creditors for

me, we can leave this horrible place, Michael said as he gestured backwardsat the street sign. Im making a beeline straight up northeast. For Windig

City.

Windig City? Why? Cindys smile disappeared.

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Its big and we can start a new life there, Michaels eyes gleamed

with anticipation. First thing Im going to do when I get there: order one of

their extra-large pizzas with five cheeses stuffed in the crust, generously

topped with sausage and pepperoni...

The couple fell silent for a while as they quietly contemplated the

future. Finally Cindy spoke again.

Ive always been more health conscious than you, Michael. The heat

and horrible food were no problem for me. But when it came to the ice, I

just decided to give up. I hate being cold.

So youre stuck at level four of the Transmutation kung-fu.

Thats right. I cant get more powerful than rock. Cindy inwardly

sighed. She was trying to hint to Michael that she didnt want to go anyplace

cold.

Like most men, Michael didnt pick up female hints very well. A rock-

hard fist is already good enough, he said.

They might come back, Cindy warned. And I cant maintain my

transmutation for long, not after having just given birth.

Even if I stopped by a liquor store and got a few bottles, Michael

sighed as he remembered his boozy days fondly, I cant drink and drive. I

cant employ my Drunken Fists either.

So well have to keep fleeing then, Cindy pursed her lips. Until we

reach the Regulator.

The Regulator always protects the weak against evil bullies, Michael

said with confidence. He will protect us from unreasonable Creditors.

*Six Collectors were talking by the side of the road.

No, something isnt right.

She just gave birth. And it was a tough delivery. She cant fight.

You saw her fist.

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Charles J. Lee

It could have been an illusion.

Nah. Their kung-fu types are physical. They dont have the ability to

produce illusions.

A Transmutation kung-fu, the oldest Collector stated, takes effort

and time to maintain. And Cindy just gave birth to several children, so she

cant have much stamina. If we surround them and keep attacking, they

wont be able to keep up.

So...

Im going to contact headquarters. They have better personnel and

equipment, the oldest Collector decided.

*

To break the tension, Michael and Cindy jabbered on about their

families.

What was it about your sister? Michael asked. Did she study under

the same master?

Cindy nodded. Sharon attained a higher level. And her kung-fu isnt

limited to her fists and feet like mine. Sharon can make her face hard as

stone, so she wins slapping contests with other girls all the time.

She would have been a great help, Michael said. We should have

sought refuge with her on Mt. Beaver.

No... apart from some other problems with Sharon, my entire family

is also mad at me, Cindy said.

Let me guess. Theyre not too happy at you marrying outside your

community, Michael Lee answered.

Exactly. And Grandpa even had a nightmare about it. He toldeveryone.

Sounds scary, Michael said with the tone of a man who had grown up

hearing his grandmother tell him all kinds of myths that never came true.

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Especially stories about cannibalistic ghouls that kidnap children who didnt

eat their broccoli...

Cindy did not share Michaels sanguinity. Grandpa prophesized that

we wont stay together half as long as the average celebrity couple.

The average celebrity couple stays together for six months. Michael

grinned. Cheer up, he said with pleasure. Weve been married a year, and

havent even had a quarrel.

Because I let you win all the time, Cindy leaned her head against

Michaels shoulder. Youre such a naughty boy... and with that Cindy poked

Michael in the ribs, but I cant say no to anything you ask. And she

squeezed Michael a little lower.

Michael put on an evil smile. Im going to introduce you to the

pleasures of pork... pork stew, pork chops, sweet and sour pork...

Cindy laughed indulgently. Have you ever seen me eat anything that

isnt vegetarian?

All right, so Ill go for vegetarian pork. Made from soybean protein,

Michael Lee replied. Good enough for you?

The two laughed.

*

Two convoys met somewhere along the highway leading to Pimento

City. Both consisted of an ambulance and two cars each.

All right, boys! Deploy! Someone called out.

Wait, what are you doing? Someone in the other convoy demanded.

Were here to collect a debt, the first man answered.

Oh no, were here to collect a debt, the second man insisted.Go elsewhere.

No way. We like it here.

This is a good location for an ambush.

Well, we feel the same. So get out.

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Charles J. Lee

As neither side was willing to yield, it seemed a fight was likely.

Were the most powerful collection agency in this land. You want to

test our kung-fu?

No, WEre the Most Powerful, another Collector retorted. Do you

think we fear you?

Take up positions! A Collector called out. He bent his knees and

curled his fingers into claws. He was preparing to spring forward and use

Grab and Hold kung-fu to restrain the opposition.

The two groups would have begun fighting, but the tall man who led

one side spoke up.

We havent introduced ourselves. Debt Recovery Associates, HQ

Division. The tall Collector intended to intimidate the rival group with the

name of his agency.

Hey, were DRA too, a collector said as he produced an ID. Venice

Beach Sub-division.

Seeing that both parties were actually from the same agency, the

Collectors relaxed and came forward to discuss strategy.

So youre here for Cindy Roth?

And youre here for Michael Lee?

Im from HQ and the highest ranking here. Ill take charge of this

operation. Well take them down together, the tall Collector said.

*

Oblivious to the ambush being planned, Michael and Cindy continued

their aimless chatter. Then Michael turned around a bend and Cindy stopped

laughing. There appeared to be an accident scene down the road.Oh no, people are hurt!

Lets ignore them. They have ambulances to help them, Michael said,

slowing down.

Both ambulances are blocking the way, Cindy observed.

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Charles J. Lee

Ugh! Idiots! Michael cursed.

With the way these cars crashed, the ambulances didnt have much

room, Cindy said understandingly.

We can take a detour, Michael prepared to make a quick u-turn.

No. Lets just see if theres anything we can do for these people,

Cindy urged, putting her hands on Michaels shoulder.

Always the kind person. Michael said. My sweet wife, he added and

exchanged kisses with Cindy.

As Michael and Cindy got out and approached the accident site, a

number of the bystanders fanned out quietly. Without exchanging any words,

they surrounded the Karl.

This is not good, Michael muttered. Even though Michael and Cindy

could fight their way out and escape, their children were in the encircled Karl.

What do you want? Cindy demanded.

You owe the Creditors. We are here to collect on their behalf, the tall

Head Collector said.

The Regulator has told me that your contract is unconscionable!

Michael responded. And unconscionable contracts cannot be enforced!

Arne Konsion Abel? Thats not the name of your Creditor...

Its not a who, its a word! Michael snapped. It means: so terrible

that it goes against good conscience!

Good con she earns? A Collector asked in surprise. Whats...

Thats something we dont have, so it doesnt matter. A more

educated Collector said.

Its probably a foreign word anyway, a third Collector said. MaybeFrench...

Conscience isnt a foreign word, but Im not surprised it sounds

French to you, Cindy added snappishly.

Too bad the Regulator isnt around, grinned another Collector.

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Charles J. Lee

Enough time wasted. Get them! The Head Collector commanded.

The Collectors charged forward with a battle cry, most of them going

for Michael as he was considered more dangerous.

Michael Lee stood firm with legs apart and knees slightly bent, and

went to work with his fists.

Pow!

Bish!

Wham!

None of the Collectors were able to score any hits on Michael. Despite

having knocked three Collectors about like ninepins, Michael hardly moved

from his position. He was defending with Cindy, so he adopted a very

different fighting style.

He relies on his fists! Go for his feet! The Head Collector called out.

Thunk!

A Collector slammed a wooden plank against Michaels left shin. But

Michael had plenty of practice doing kicks, and could endure being beaten

about the legs.

Several Collectors tried to trip Michael by attacking his legs and feet,

but none succeeded. Michael took sure, firm steps that left no opening for

anyone. Anyone who came too close was kicked or swept aside by Michaels

feet.

In the meantime, Cindy was defending Michaels back.

Ow! A Collector screamed in pain as Cindy punched him away.

Another Collector came at Cindy with a stick, but she blocked it with

her arm. There was a tremendous Blam! and the stick broke. What the hell is that? The Collector gasped. You have an arm of

rock!

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Charles J. Lee

Thats my Transmutation kung-fu for you! Cindy said. She then went

on the attack against another Collector, knocking him flying with a well-

aimed punch.

As little as a year ago, Michael and Cindy would have defeated these

Collectors easily. But Michael had stopped drinking. That prevented him from

using his most powerful skill, Drunken Fists. Cindy was recovering after her

pregnancy, so she lacked stamina. And furthermore, they were heavily

outnumbered.

Cindy collapsed after five minutes and was immediately strapped down

in a stretcher. Without anyone to guard his back, Michael succumbed after

ten minutes. He was pinned down by six Collectors and strapped firmly into

another stretcher.

Where are you taking us? Cindy cried out when she noticed Michael

was about to be carried into a different ambulance.

You are going to different hospitals, the Head Collector said.

Why... Cindy began.

We have scheduled you for different operations. The Collector

intoned solemnly.

Im not giving you an arm and a leg! Michael cursed, struggling

helplessly.

Who wants an arm and a leg from you? A Collector responded.

Thanks to all those chain smokers and binge drinkers who dont quit, our

queue for organ recipients is pretty long. No, well just take a kidney and a

lung.

And as for you, lovely lady, a Collector said to Cindy as he strokedher cheek. You have a very nice face...

Quit treating me like a piece of meat! Cindy cursed.

You seem to have forgotten, young lady, the Collector said blandly.

When you checked into the hospital without insurance, you signed a

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Charles J. Lee

contract. In exchange for cash payment, we have gained options to one

pound of flesh from your body, to be taken from whichever place we deem

suitable...

Ive already surrendered the infant placenta cord. Use that for your

stem-cells-whatever experiments! Cindy cried out.

No, no, the Collector said with the gentle smile of a mad surgeon

about to perform an operation without anesthesia. Do you remember the

pregnancy complications?

Uh... Cindy had a bad feeling.

A multiple birth event is rather difficult on the mother... and requires

more services from the doctors... money that an uninsured mother could not

afford to pay in cash... the Collector smiled his insane smile again.

Uh... I dont remember making any agreements... Cindy searched

her memory, but she had been woozy from various drugs given to her

during her difficult labor.

The Collector gave Cindy a radiant smile. You signed something.

I... did write on something, Cindy admitted reluctantly after a long

pause. She vaguely recalled being asked to autograph what appeared to be

a telephone directory.

The Collector looked positively delighted. Thats right! So you

remember!

Huh?

It was an agreement for another pound of flesh if you should default.

And thats what were here to get from you.

Cindy and Michael stared at the Collectors for five full seconds, mouthsopen in shock.

And your filthy doctors are going to cut her open? Michael demanded.

Thatll spill blood and result in her losing more than a pound...

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Charles J. Lee

How much she loses doesnt matter. Its how much we take that

counts, according to the contract, a Collector produced a thick stack of

papers bound together. Flipping open the stack, the Collector pointed to

something amidst the sea of fine print within. Check out page 259.

Then... Cindy was searching for a response. Wait a moment;

Michaels right! Ill bleed. And blood isnt flesh. If you take my flesh with

blood inside...

Good try, the Head Collector smiled. But were not some cheapskate

moneylenders who use shysters incompetent in the kung-fu of law. We are

represented by the world-famous law firm of Prait, Gridde and Villarst. They

made sure to define, for the purposes of this contract, Flesh as all parts of

your body except artificial implants (if any), or the brain, or bone, or

cartilage. They specified that Flesh includes blood, hair, skin, muscle, fat

and nerves...

This is ridiculous! Michael roared. You people are fooling around

with words!

No, no, thats whats written on page 677, the Collector responded

coolly. You received an exact same copy.

Uh... Cindy and Michael were both at a loss. They only remembered

putting a stack of telephone directories in the recycle bin outside their now-

foreclosed home.

Furthermore, a Collector said while rubbing his hands in delight. Our

lawyers have kindly added a clause that permits an error margin of fifty

percent. So we can take up to a pound and a half by accident if need be!

This is outrageous! Cindy and Michael cried out together.Look on the bright side. Were not bone collectors, the first Collector

said in a helpful tone.

You... you expect her to be glad that youre not taking any bone

marrow? Michael asked at last.

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Charles J. Lee

Oh, no bones. Were not even thinking of taking any internal organs.

Cindy exhaled in relief. DNA samples for conducting experiments,

forced blood donation, hair for making artificial wigs I can put up with all

that.

A Collector leered. Youre good looking. Do you think we want just

your hair?

Cindy frowned. The Collectors face gave her bad vibes.

I remember this businessman who set up an auction house selling

eggs from models, Michael said with disgust. So you want the eggs from

Cindys ovaries?

The very notion of this drastic privacy invasion filled the couple with

horror. They would have joined hands for mutual reassurance, but were

strapped down and unable to move.

The Collectors laughed.

No, no... its not so bad A Collector piped up. It doesnt involve

invasive surgery.

Cindy relaxed slightly.

The leering Collector spoke again: You have a pretty face. Somebody

with a less-pretty face wants a facial graft...

No! Not my face!

Whats wrong, Cindy The Rock? A Collector sneered. Someone who

practices thick-skinned kung-fu shouldnt worry about losing her face!

And better still, another Collector leered as he nursed the injuries

that Michael had given him, Your husband cant protect you. So he loses

face. Two faces lost for the price of one, hahaha!Cindy and Michael loudly cursed the Collectors for their unethical ways,

their greed and their bad jokes. But they were unable to resist the Collectors

as they were pulled apart and placed in separate ambulances.

Michael! Cindy cried out. No matter what, I love you!

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Charles J. Lee

Cindy, well Michaels response was silenced by the slamming of an

ambulance door.

What about these brats? A Collector asked, pointing to the babies in

the Karl.

Another Collector examined a list. Let me check... oh yes, Dr. Walans

network has received an adoption order for a boy. The order states: not too

dark, preferably racially indeterminate or racially mixed. Must be cute and

healthy.

Thats these kids.

All right. So Walan wants one boy?

Only one.

So take one.

The Collector reached into the back of the Karl and took one of the

babies out of the car seat. The other Collectors were busy removing Cindy

and Michaels luggage. These might have some value at a second-hand shop.

As the Collectors were preparing to leave, a Collector looked at the

huge contract he had been carrying.

Im tired of carting this around, the Collector said.

We have no more use for it anyway, said another Collector. Toss it.

Fine, the first Collector said. He tossed the contract into the Karl and

left.

*

It was an hour later. A man and a woman came by in an ancient Karl

that grunted and groaned and creaked as it staggered along the highway.

The womans shifty eyes quickly lit on the abandoned Karl. Hey,theres an abandoned Karl over there!

You want to take it? The man asked as he slowed his Karl down. The

Karl responded by squealing and squeaking and squalling.

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Charles J. Lee

Hell, no! The woman turned around and glared at the man. The last

time you tried picking up a stolen Karl, you got chased for miles.

Ah, but I got away, didnt I? The man grinned, showing teeth that

resembled a collection of bombed out buildings.

You get away with everything, the woman replied darkly. It was her

reason for marrying the man in the first place, and the same reason she had

spent half her life regretting.

Then why mention

We shouldnt try to make off with the Karl itself. Its too obvious. But

there could be things inside that we could take, the woman explained.

Probably nothing but a bunch of parking tickets and old beer cans,

the man responded. But he stepped on the brake. The Karl produced a

series of angry sounding farts before it came to a shuddering halt.

The couple climbed out and examined the rental Karl.

Nothing here of value, the man observed.

You forgot them, the woman pointed to the remaining babies.

What are you thinking? The man asked cautiously.

Looks pretty healthy, the woman replied.

Im sick of our brats at home, the man grouched. Theyre more

troublesome than profitable.

They just raised the fees paid to foster parents, the woman looked at

the man. By twenty percent, no less.

Six hundred now? The man asked after tediously counting for a while.

The woman was accustomed to her husbands speed of thinking. For

his age, six hundred. When he reaches three, seven hundred twenty. Thats good, the man grinned after he figured out that seven

hundred twenty was more than six hundred. Good investment.

Then lets do it, the woman responded as she took the infant out.

Hey, theres another! The man exclaimed. More money for us?

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Charles J. Lee

Forget him. One baby is enough annoyance, the woman responded

tersely.

Oh yes, I forgot. You are the one doing most of the work

I am the one doing ALL of the work, the woman retorted.

You forget that I am the one taking most of the risks the man

began, but the woman gave him a contemptuous look that shut him up. The

man began walking back to his Karl.

Consider yourself lucky that the welfare agencies value you at six

hundred a month for us, the woman crackled as she touched the babys

nose. Or we would have left you here to starve too.

Laughing in a way that only they could have found amusing, the

couple climbed back into their Karl. After a series of alternating roars and

whimpers, the Karl started up and went careening down the highway.

Next: The Regulator

kung-fu for dharmi chapter1 pursuers

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