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LE PETIT NURBHall Points RAG CALCULATOR

£ 5 6 2 .95

Current Leader

BISHOPS

Current Total

Milf

FCC

Lancaster

Bishops

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www.brunelstudents.com Heavily Censored for your pleasure Wednesday, September 23st, 2009 Free

Deputy Mayor Graces

us with his presence‘Indoor Car Boot Sale missing something’ says inside sourceAn inside source at the Union of Brunel Students has today confirmed that the indoor Car Boot sale didn’t quite go to plan. Many sellers were forced to rip the boot out of their car and move it into the designated hall for display. When approached for a quote, the union denied this failure and said it was a ‘Freshers Fayre’Quite what this strange thing is would be another question altogether. To all intents and purposes this Fayre of Freshepants went by with incredible ease and was deemed a success.There were stilt walkers, chinese

takeaways and many societies and clubs saw membership numbers soar!Media did well too. LeNURB has a meeting at 4pm tomorrow in the Lecture Centre.What a great plug...This was the first year that the Freshers Fayre was in the Indoor Athletics Centre and despite there being no cars for the car boot sale, we at LePetitNURB think it was a brilliant day out.So well done Michael and Lisa and all the guys in the Student Activities and the Students Union. What a bunch of brown nosers we are!

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Lancaster

Nickname - Lancaster Leopards

Chant - Oo, ah, Lancaster. Say ‘Oo, ah, Lancaster’

Loudest contact - Anthony

Hardest Worker - Troy

Biggest Pest - Adam (Buffalo)

Ideal Romantic Evening out - Date out with Leonard the Leopard

Biggest Rival - None, they are all shit

Best Event - Friday’s Quiz

Not as prestigious as Halls of the Year, but just as interesting

Halls of the Day

For the 9th year running the Canadian whirlwind, Tony Lee, was in the Academy to hypnotise the unlucky few (and humourise the crowd). Despite old irish not being at uni anymore, there was a new irish to get done.We also were treated to the all male playboy shoot, the piggy sex fest, the girl who smiles at everything and a dog called ‘Buttf*ckme’All in all the legendary freshers week

entertainer produced another show of sheer brilliance and we all look forward to the next one in January!

Tony Lee: Master Hypnotist!

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Brunel Radio is live as we speak....not that I’m speaking. You are actually reading. What a quandry. If you want to listen to it, visit brunelstudents.com/radio and click ‘Listen Live’

Radio Brunel: on air now!

Name: AlecAge: 18Course: EconomicsHalls: LancastaaaaHometown: SuttonFavourite thing about Freshers so far: Contacts are amazing

• The Rock Foundation breakfast cancelled• A Clockwork Orange to be screened in LC-E at 6-9• Anime Society show 3 of the best films from midday in LC 062

• Man O’ Man.......moobs aplenty in the quad at half 1• Literal Facebook, know what it means? Neither do I, but pop down and find out. I hope there’s poking

• Roller disco in the Acad. Watch out for the Union President, Nat ‘Death on Wheels’ Foster

Top activities of the Day

Be there or be a regular polygon

A Guide to your meal tickets

For those of you who have purchased a meal ticket from MORE (or are thinking of it) You may wish to know what the hell it is. Never fear, we have a wee guide!

• Pizzas may only be bought if there is an r in the day

•• Divide your age by your shoe size.

If the result is an odd number, then you may have chips

•• Sandwiches with meat in them can

only be bought if the moon is in the fourth house

•• Soup can only be bought if you

have a sandwich as well, unless you are already a capricorn in which case you may buy both unless you have already used a meal ticket to purchase something with potato in it earlier in the week (unless you are Irish)

•• Dont buy a soft drink. Ever. You

can’t, its water or urine only

You’re not Isambard!

HoroscopesAriesYour stars are very secretive so be aware of anything that may turn to disaster. Lock yourself away for a while and remove all sharp objects from the house.

AquariusSomeone will mug you and donate all your possessions to LeNURB

CancerDon’t worry it happens to everyone, destroy all evidence

CapricornMars and Jupiter are in alignment, so tonight its sex with twins

GeminiGet your twin sister and pull a CapricornLeo

This month you will feel like a lion. You aren’t one

LibraDo you think you are being stalked? No? Good, they are doing well

PiscesThe stars don’t like you so I’d stop reading

SagittariusThat’s not a star sign, it sounds like a kitchen appliance. Silly Mare

ScorpioIts curtains for you

TaurusAn argument will turn to lust

VirgoYou are invincible. Well Done

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Australian police are investigating whether officers ran naked round an unmarked

police van as they travelled to a stag party.

The incident was reported by a woman who saw two men get out of the van at traffic lights in

Brisbane on Sunday afternoon. When police checked the licence plate number, they realised it

was a police vehicle, Australian media reported.

The officers were said to be "very remorseful". They were reportedly from the elite Special

Emergency Response Team, used in situations involving explosives and hostage negotiation.

Commissioner Bob Atkinson said: "There is no excuse for this."

Queensland Police Union president Ian Leavers said that due to

the nature of their jobs, the officers were usually on call 24

hours a day and did not usually drink alcohol.

"Their actions on Sunday are completely out of character and

they are very remorseful," he was quoted by the Brisbane

Times as saying. Queensland Police Service ethical standards

command is investigating the report. The officers could be

charged with wilful exposure and public nuisance, and face

disciplinary action ranging from a caution to being fired. Story ‘borrowed from BBC Website

BRUNEL MEDIAWebsite: www.brunelstudents.com/media

Twitter: @brunelmedia

Email: media.chair@brunel.ac.uk

What the hell happened yesterday? Our favourite news story from yesterday

Nude Aussie Plods!

Oh oh oh, It’s Magic! You know, you’ll never believe its not so!In addition to the frivolities of Fresher’s fayre, there was a magician for us all to get giddy over and make oooo noises.Many of us felt like children (and none acted on that feeling) by seeing a man sticking his balls under mugs and making us guess where they wereIt was like being at the circus.Only there are no clowns to scare us. With with their buckets of confetti and their funny, funny noses. Pricks