Lecture #6 Anxiety, Change & Conflict

Jennifer Nichols and Connie Goodbread

•Anxiety is an unpleasant, Anxiety is an unpleasant, emotional state that involves a emotional state that involves a complex combination of emotions complex combination of emotions that include fear, apprehension, that include fear, apprehension, and worry. It is often accompanied and worry. It is often accompanied by physical sensations such as by physical sensations such as heart palpitations, nausea, chest heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, or pain, shortness of breath, or tension headache. tension headache.

Anxiety is an emotional disturbance.Anxiety is an emotional disturbance.

• Acute anxiety is the emotional Acute anxiety is the emotional disturbance that is crisis generated.disturbance that is crisis generated.

•Chronic anxiety is structured into the Chronic anxiety is structured into the system itself.system itself.

Anxiety

•Anxiety is a critical foundation in Anxiety is a critical foundation in humans. humans.

•We can't live without it. We can't live without it.

•It arouses us to make changes in It arouses us to make changes in our lives. our lives.

•When it gets too intense and When it gets too intense and crosses a threshold it paralyses us. crosses a threshold it paralyses us.

Anxiety

Fourteen Fifteen Triggersl MoneyMoney

l Type of worshipType of worship

l Issues involving sex/sexualityIssues involving sex/sexuality

l Pastor’s leadership stylePastor’s leadership style

l Power and AuthorityPower and Authority

l Old versus newOld versus new

l Growth/survival Growth/survival

l Staff conflicts/resignation of staffStaff conflicts/resignation of staff

l Internal or external focusInternal or external focus

l Major trauma, tension, or transitionMajor trauma, tension, or transition

l Harm done to or by a child/death of a childHarm done to or by a child/death of a child

l Property building, space, territoryProperty building, space, territory

l Distance between the ideal and the realDistance between the ideal and the real

l Lay leadership’s styleLay leadership’s style

l Boundary issuesBoundary issues

•Healthy systems handle acute Healthy systems handle acute anxiety with resiliency.anxiety with resiliency.

•Unhealthy systems are, by Unhealthy systems are, by nature, anti-resilient.nature, anti-resilient.

Anxiety

Leadership

Leaders lead - Leaders lead -

The practice of FollowshipThe practice of Followship

adventure.adventure.

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Leadership

Leaders lead by presence and Leaders lead by presence and functioningfunctioning

The two traits that great leaders The two traits that great leaders have are self-differentiation and a have are self-differentiation and a grand sense of adventure.grand sense of adventure.

•Leaders take responsibility Leaders take responsibility for their own actions. They for their own actions. They are not responsible for how are not responsible for how others function.others function.

•The leader is the person who The leader is the person who most influences an emotional most influences an emotional field.field.

Leadership

Anxious Times

Pages 37 - 38 - Crossing Antarctica - Sir Ernest Shackelton

ChangeNo Really

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First Answer to Change

No!Second - No!Third - No!

There is loss.

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Okay - Now what?

Change

"Change is inevitable; misery is optional." - Ed

Friedman

There is fear

Leadership

Is to be in the role of Agent of Change.How do we do this?What must we understand?

GilGil  RendleRendle’’ss ““The he Roller oller Coaster of Changeoaster of Change””

•The roller coaster of change is a model that identifies a natural sequence of feelings and relationships that are a part of change...

•It is impossible to talk ideas with people on the feeling side of the roller coaster.

•If change is to happen we must be able to tolerate the pain in others.

FEELING

THINKING

Sabotage

Understanding the Issue

Can we sit in the pain long enough to discern what the issue actually is?

Can we tolerate our own pain and the pain of others to come to the best path?

Understand the issue

Do we have a polarity?

Do we have a technical issue?

Do we have an adaptive issue?

Is this a homeostatic issue?

Is this a size issue?

Adaptive vs Technical

Technical issue has a quick answer✦ Thing

Adaptive is complicated we don’t seem to have the whole picture

✦ Relational

Leading ChangeUnderstand the deepest reasons for the existence of the congregation.

Understand yourself who and what you serve remember you are a servant leader.

Understand the principle that the change is based upon.

Stay in relationship ask

★ “What happens if we do this?”

★ “What happens if we don’t do this?”

Act with humility.

Take the time to build trust.

Leading Change• Take a principled stand for the good of the whole.

• Identify the individuals or group(s) that will be the most affected or have the most to lose.

• Involve them in the process early.

• Stand with the people as they struggle with their emotions.

• Do not stop the process because of discomfort.

Leading Change• Expect, invite and empower additions to the

vision.

• Expect sabotage and don’t let it take over.

• Celebrate success.

• Name Learnings.

• Thank people.

Leading Change• Thank them again

• Moving forward

★ Assess – what did we learn?

✦ What went well?

✦ What didn’t?

✦ How does this change our plans?

✦ Who else needs to know what we have learned?

★ What is the next principled change that is needed for the good of the whole (the common good)?

Conflict - LevelsSpeed Leas - Alban Consultant

Purpose is to De-escalate a Conflict: The purpose of this information is to help congregational leaders to identify possible difficulties and to help to de-escalate a conflict as soon as possible. Levels are not Discrete: There usually are not clear distinctions between conflict levels.

Conflict - Levels

Characteristics are Inclusive: As a corollary to the above note, the identification of the conflict level ought to be derived from looking at all characteristics, rather than one or two that seem to dominate. Team Approach should be Considered: The suggested leadership skills acknowledge that no one person may have all the skills needed to manage a higher-level conflict.

Conflict - Levels

Training Required for all Intense Levels: (above 1.5)

It is recommended that all members of a Committee on Ministry and Staff be trained to handle level one conflict. At level three congregational leaders should be talking with District and Regional Staff. Level four and five usually require professional outside consultants in conflict management.

Please note - if your congregation has a committee that is designated by the Policies and Procedures of the congregation to deal with conflict they need additional training for levels two and three. It is not healthy for the Committee on Ministry to continue in that role beyond level one.

Conflict - Levels

LEVEL ONE - PROBLEM TO SOLVE

LEVEL TWO - DISAGREEMENT

LEVEL THREE - CONTEST

LEVEL FOUR - FIGHT/FLIGHT

LEVEL FIVE - INTRACTABLE

LEVEL SIX - DENIAL

Clarifying Questions

Review

S-elfdifferentiationH-omeostasisI-dentified PatientF-amily FieldT-riangulation