Square OneSquare Oneyour first stepyour first step

Trinity poet publishedLiam Whetstone talks to us about

writing, getting published andFawlty Towers

Trinity poet publishedLiam Whetstone talks to us about

writing, getting published andFawlty Towers

Baby steps? Naa!Q&A with Baby Godzilla

Baby steps? Naa!Q&A with Baby Godzilla

Digital LoveNeville Copley Gives internet dating a try

Digital LoveNeville Copley Gives internet dating a try

Editor:John Darley(jdarley_4@hotmail.com)

Sub-editors:Vanessa BlackburnAshwin BaluDan Arif

Contributors

and thanks to:Amie-Liegh ClaricoatsNeville CopleyRosin TimminsDavid SpereallDean FullerRosie FenwickMartin WardSarah Inkpin

Contents

Interviews

9 Leeds Trinity poet Liam Whetstone

11 Rock chick Tiffany Page

12 Q&A with Baby Godzilla

Reviews

15 Film reviews: Despicable Me

17 Game reviews: Star Wars: Force Unleashed 2

18 Food and Drink: ShakeyJakes

20 Poet, Mario Susco andBowling for Soup live

Creative

21 Short story:The Shed at Number Seven -

Part 1

22 Poetry by Liam Whetstone:

Normal?

A Remedy for Disappointment

Features

2 Leeds Trinity student shines

3 Tuition fees set to rise

4 You wanna go to china?

5 Year one yer own now

7 Trying out internet dating

A Leeds Trinity student has pickedup a prestigious academic awardafter battling illness to gain a univer-

sity place.

Sue Ives, 27, became seri-ously ill before Christmas after suf-fering from a collapsed lung. Despiteneeding an operation that left her inchronic pain for six weeks, Sue stillmanaged to complete her universityaccess course at Park Lane College.

Sue’s efforts gained her aplace studying psychology at LeedsTrinity University College. Tutorswere so impressed with her determi-nation that access course managerDeclan Groves, put her name for-ward as access student of the year.The award, in its second year, is forstudents who achieve excellencethrough adversity, an award Sue ulti-mately won after being selectedfrom a field of 180 local students.

Despite the award, Sueremains grounded about her nomi-nation saying: “I don’t really feel I’vedone anything special to deserve theaward, but I was delighted to benominated all the same. To actuallywin is a real honour.”

University access Diploma

courses are run throughout thecountry to help over-21’s get in touniversity without the need to do A-Levels. They carry the same statusas A-Levels but are completed in 34

weeks rather than the usual 2 years.Due to the time constraints, theDiploma is considered by manytutors to be more challenging thanA-Levels.

“To gain the Diploma, so Ican follow my dream and study childpsychology at university, is the mostimportant thing. I also want to be anexample to my young sons and showthem that education is worthwhileand hope they’ll be proud of me,”said Sue.

Course manager DeclanGroves explained his decision tonominate Sue and declared her aworthy winner: “Sue managed

through exceptional circumstancesand, despite being seriously ill, neverasked for special consideration. Suemanaged to work from her hospitalbed and completed all her work ontime. She is an exceptional personal-ity, a real fighter and a credit to herboys.”

Despite Declan’s commentsSue is humble about her achieve-ment: “I didn’t ask for special con-sideration because I didn’t feel itwas warranted. As a single parentyou get used to juggling prioritiesand reacting to adversity, so I reallydon’t think I’ve done anything spe-cial. Although I must admit to beingvery proud to receive the award andI was absolutely astonished when Ifound out how many students couldhave been nominated.”

Sue has since made a fullrecovery from surgery to have herlung stapled back in place and iseagerly anticipating starting herPsychology degree at Leeds Trinity inSeptember. Sue was presented withher award at a lavish ceremony atLeeds Town Hall on 24 June.

Neville Copley

Features

Trinity student shines through adversity

The award,in its secondyear, is for stu-

dents who achieve excel-lence throughadversity.

“ “

Trinity tuition fees setto rise

University tuition fees are set to risedramatically under the coalition gov-ernment, as David Cameron backedproposals for the current £3290 ayear cap to be lifted, in favour of asystem that would make universitiesalmost free market.

Whilst the proposals areunlikely to affect current undergradu-ate students, prospective postgradu-ates may be hit by the fee increase,as will students considering doingtheir degree at Leeds Trinity.

The Browne Review, whichwas commissioned to research howthe government could save moneyon the university system, recom-mends that universities be able tocharge what they like for theirdegrees, and while it is expectedthat the government will retain alimit, it is unlikely to be below£10,000.

Shadow Education SecretaryAndy Burnham was quick to expresshis concerns about the proposals,saying: “My worry is that the tuitionfees rise will entrench privilege andelitism into our university system,and take prestigious universitiesaway from people from ordinarybackgrounds. We’re also hearing thathumanities and arts degrees may notbe funded, and people may have topay more for that.” He added: “Iworry greatly about the prospect ofvariable fees.”

With Leeds Trinity enjoying alarge intake of students studying forHumanities and Arts Degrees, it ispossible that the university may suf-fer a decline in incoming students ifsuch degrees are to be made moreexpensive. The coalition’s desire tomake the system more free marketmay also lead to unhealthy competi-tion between Leeds Trinity and itsneighbours, Leeds University andLeeds Metropolitan, as studentsbegin to choose their place of highereducation on the basis of cost,rather than the quality of life and theeducation they will receive.

No spokesperson from LeedsTrinity has yet commented publiclyon the proposals, but they appear

cautiously optimistic incontinuing to attract good studentsfrom across the country. StudentServices declared: “Leeds is one ofthe most cost-effective place tostudy in the UK offering a winningcombination of relatively inexpensiveliving costs together with the thirdhighest weekly earnings from

part-time work.” Such factors mayprove valuable in the university’sobligation to compete with the restof the country for students. TheCollege also appears hopeful thatnext year’s first year undergraduateswill pay the same fee as their secondyear students (£3375 a BA Hons – asmall inflation-based rise on the cur-rent fee), but acknowledge that thatwill be “subject to Parliamentaryapproval.”

In September, BusinessSecretary Vince Cable ruled out thepossibility of introducing a graduatetax, which would have resulted inthe scrapping of tuition fees, with asystem of means-tested repaymentover the course of a working lifetimeput in its place.

Deputy Prime Minister NickClegg has also backed the change,despite promising to scrap tuitionfees before the General Election,telling the Andrew Marr Show:“Obviously I regret that there aresome promises you just can’t keepdue to the state of the nation.” Buthe confirmed that there would be acap on tuition fees, preventing thelikes of Oxbridge from chargingastronomical fees.It remains to be seen what the trueeffect changes will mean for LeedsTrinity, but it is greatly hoped by allthat our university system does notproduce or stimulate a class divide,and that students from all back-grounds can continue to have fairand equal opportunities in highereducation.

David Spereall

Features

It remains tobe seen what

true effect thechanges will mean,but it is greatlyhoped by all that ouruniversity systemdoes not produce aclass divide.

“

“

The Study China Programme has

been running since 2007 in partner-

ship with Chinese Universities in

Beijing, Shanghai, Nanjing, Jinan and

Hangzhou with the aim of giving UK

students the opportunity to gain

experience not just of Chinese lan-

guage but also the rich and vibrant

culture of a country which many of

us know so very little about.

This time last year during a

particularly slow study session I was

trawling the internet when I came

across the Study China website. I

almost clicked away instantly,

assuming it was another gap year

gimmick that would cost thousands

but I had an essay due on

Shakespeare so I needed to procras-

tinate: turns out the only necessary

costs are for the flight and visa. On

the 25th of March I flew into

Shanghai and 4 days later I was on

the university campus in Hangzhou

which is known as the garden city,

where many Chinese head for the

holidays. Think Lake Geneva with a

pagoda.

Sure, if you have the cash

you can splash out on a few extra

days to see Shanghai or Beijing (£5

a night in a nice hostel in Shanghai)

or get an awesome tailor made suit,

but a true student could easily buy

food for three weeks with the £100

food budget provided. Seriously peo-

ple, you can get a meal for less than

50p in the University canteen!

Ok so when not attempting

chopsticks there’s the study part of

the programme, of course there’s a

three week Chinese language

course, similar timetable to our own

university schedules, but there’s also

culture lessons and excursions to

truly immerse the participants in the

culture, from calligraphy to econom-

ics, pagoda’s to bamboo forests. Last

year there were tai chi and gong-fu

lessons run by professional competi-

tors in the styles, made even better

by a trip to the bamboo forest out of

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon!

So why China? The Chinese

government hasn’t done favours to

the nation’s reputation. Well in hind-

sight I guess that’s exactly what the

programme’s about... wouldn’t you

like to ask a Chinese citizen what

they think about how their country’s

run? My perspectives were irre-

versibly changed by spending a

month amongst some of the

warmest of any people I’ve ever

known. All you need is an open mind

to see how fantastic an experience

this could be for you too.

Rosin Timmins

Wanna go to China?

More information and appli-

cation packs can be found online at

the Study China website www.ser-

valan.humanities.manchester.ac.uk/st

udychina. The deadline for applica-

tions isn’t until the 4th of January

but you’ll need a reference from a

tutor by the 17th of December.

Features

By now you will have watched your

tearful parents drive off into the dis-

tant horizon leaving you completely

free to torment your body in ways you

previously didn’t know you could.

Throw away the refusal letters from all

the proper Universities you could have

gone to; you’re at Leeds Trinity now

and guess what, it isn’t that bad. It’s

the Royston Vasey of Universities (the

authors of the League of Gentlemen

are from Horsforth and actually based

the show on Horsforth... uh oh) and

James Milner’s parents are just around

the corner so you know you’re on to a

winner.

Before you crack open that

bottle of Tesco value vodka, take a

couple of minutes to read through this

article we put together from last

year’s experts. You have probably

sampled some of the Leeds nightlife

and more than likely have woken up

with an awful headache and desper-

ately trying to remember what that

gorgeous blonde’s name was so you

can stalk him/her on facebook as you

nurse your dodgy stomach and

pounding headache. But whoa there!

Slow your roll, young champion. Here

are some pointers to help you get

through the rest of your first year.

Ashwin Balu and Dean Fuller

Year one yer own now!

Expect to be the proud new

owner of a cracking hangover.

Come to peace with the fact that,

at some point, you’re going to

catch a cold off a mate or possi-

bly one of the dinner ladies (hey,

whatever floats your boat...we’re

not here to judge).

Stock up with painkillers, throat

sweets, cold and flu medicine

and all that stuff. There’s nothing

worse than trekking around cam-

pus on a mission for Neurofen.

Tesco’s own brand Paracetamol

comes at a whopping 16p a

packet. Invest in as much as the

suspicious sales assistant will

allow you (just to give him/her a

proper scare, buy a few shaving

razors, some bleach along and

some heavy duty bin liners along

with the excessive amounts of

painkillers).

Invest in a fun-size first aid box

Firstly, go see your personal tutor.

Although you may see it as a slight-

ly pointless episode, come the end

of the year when you’re struggling

with a deadline they can be that

safety net you need.

As far as academia goes, the gener-

al consensus is that first year is a

doss and it doesn’t count towards

your degree and therefore minimal

effort is all you need to put in how-

ever trust us, you DO want to do

well in first year.

You only need to get 40% in every

module to pass which means that

you can just do minimal work and

pass no problem, almost strategical-

ly failing certain essays and exams

so to scrap any unnecessary work,

right? Wrong. There are people all

across the board who thought they

had it sorted and got a very nasty

surprise when they found out they

had to re-submit essays or re-sit

exams during the summer.

Motherf...

Don’t p*** about too much

This university will become your

home and the people here will

soon become family. Try not to

rub anyone the wrong way when

intoxicated or in a funny mood

because you realised that some-

one pinched your chicken nuggets

out the freezer, it’s five to eleven

at night and you won’t make it to

Tesco’s before it closes. Argh! Not

everyone clicks straight away and

obviously some people just can’t

help being idiotic and inconsider-

ate however there’s nothing

worse than an awkward con-

frontation and trust us, you don’t

want that uncomfortable ongoing

drama for ages. University is all

about learning to live and coexist

with people so don’t be inconsid-

erate and a complete douche bag

but if you’re unfortunate enough

to be sharing a kitchen or bath-

room with someone who happens

to be a bit of a chocolate teapot,

don’t do something you know

you’ll regret.

Don’t be an idiot

Features

Lock your door. Always.

No one wants to come back from see-

ing mates only to discover that some-

one’s run off with their brand new dia-

mond encrusted iPhone 12 along with

their priceless collection of Faberge

eggs. Don’t be distrustful and suspi-

cious of absolutely everyone like you’re

a lonely minority at a BNP rally but

don’t temp fate either. If you report

something stolen and your door wasn’t

locked at the time of the burglary then

the university won’t cover you. The

odds are that for the next academic

year you’re going to be living with a

hall full of absolute champs however

there is a slight chance that one of

said champs is a phoney and that

he/she is in fact a first class pikey and

is pinching your laptop as you read

this. Did you lock your door? Gutted.

Learn to budget your

cash, there’s nothing

worse than running out

of money and having to

explain yourself to the

bank manager (or

worse, Vladimir, Dmitri

and their good friend,

Stanley). Try not to

blow your budget in the

first day; there are so

many bargains out

there with drinks food

and everything else.

The nearest ASDA is

about five minutes

away by car and is

probably one of your

cheapest options for

food (and everything

else they sell which is

everything under the

sun). The Leeds Central

Markets has an untold

variety of fresh produce

and is infinitely cheaper

than most places, espe-

cially at the end of the

day when they’re trying

to get rid of every-

thing.Get a job in

Horsforth or Yeadon.

Morrison’s usually hire

students and there are

dozens of pubs and

bars where you could

get a part time job.

That extra two days

pay a week can make a

world of a difference.

Watch those pockets!

You only get to be a fresheronce (unless you’re lazy or stu-pid or both), be sociable! Youhave the rest of the year tostudy, work hard and have somequiet time. Fresher’s week isabout having fun, meeting lotsof new people and just generallybeing an absolute hero. Getstuck in with absolutely every-thing you possibly can at thestudent union and around cam-pus. Get to know your lecturers,roommates and all the membersof the student union. Oh, anddon’t forget to have a chat with

your cleaning staff, especially ifyou’re in Norwich Hall; Joy andEmma are worthy of canoniza-tion after their efforts towardsthe untold mess of the NorwichHall boys last year.

Don’t be afraid to trynew things. Just because youdidn’t like sport before doesn’tmean you won’t like it here;being a member of a teammeans that you’ll get to travelacross the country to playagainst other teams. You’ll meetnew people and make newfriends on the social side of

things. The facilities at Trinityare pretty awesome and begin-ners are welcome to all clubsand events so get stuck in!Don’t worry about having twoleft feet or being clumsy with ahockey stick, our charity sportsgames are comparable to a cast-ing for dawn of the dead any-way so there’s no need to worryabout standing out at all. Leeds Trinity does shed loads ofcharity work; please get involvedwith that as much as you can.

Make the most of it

Features

Features

Being single up to 30 is fashion-ably cool. Live a bit before set-tling down. Still single post 30and you get the raised eyebrowsand whispering out of earshot.I’m fast approaching 44. I thinkthe best description for me is thejar of cranberry sauce you get ina Christmas hamper. Some willhave a little dabble out of curiosi-ty, and then it gets thrown to theback of the cupboard and forgot-ten about.

Internet dating is oftenconsidered the last bastion of thelonely and desperate. All thesame, once I’d got over theindignity, I decided that it could-

n’t hurt to give it a go. Googling’internet dating’ brings up 153million results and adding‘England’ to the search, 8 million,so I would have to be a littlemore discerning.

I looked for the mostcost-effective sites and DatingDirect obliged, boasting 4 millionBritish users. Although registra-tion is free, you do have to payto contact other users (some£25). I set up a witty, interestingprofile and uploaded a photo. Isent out ten emails to womenand in time received somereplies. Three were gentle knockbacks and although most of the

others just ignore the message Ido get one who wants to com-municate. We chatted idly awayfor the evening, gradually gettingto know each other. However, nomeeting was arranged and thingsjust faded away. I waded backin and sent out more messages,this time meeting with success;loads of replies and some couldeven be called dates.

Neville Copley

Mary is 35, local and her photo shows a pretty blonde. After a week of exchanging emails wearrange to meet at a local bar. No restaurants for a first date as I realized that it’s harder to make hastyexit during a meal. I arrive early and pace up and down furtively; I’m so nervous I’m almost shaking.I’m dressed to impress and ready to make a good impression. I see an old woman approaching and aflicker of recognition crosses her lips when she notices me. A look of stark horror crosses mine as real-ization hits me. No, it can’t be her. This woman is at least ten years older than her photo. I don’t have aproblem with older women but some honesty would be nice. If her photo is recent then she must havehad a hell of a rough ride on the way here. We have a couple of drinks and some idle chat, but I thinkshe can sense my disappointment and she makes her excuses and leaves after an hour. There is no fur-ther attempt at contact on either side.

Neville Copley gives internet dating a try...

What could possibly go wrong?

Date 1

False pretenses

I don’t havea problem

with older women,but some honestywould benice.

“

“

Features

Rebecca is 38, stunningly beautiful,but lives in Somerset. Still, I’m shallowenough to fail to see the obvious prob-lems and am transfixed by this radiantbrunette. By chance we both happento be in the same Midlands town onthe same day and despite only havingan hour spare we arrange to meet tosee if the distance will be worth put-ting up with. No pretence or old photos this time,she’s breathtakingly beautiful and wego to find a pub for a quick drink. Theproblems start before we even getthere as she remarks that a gentlemenshould walk on the road side of lady asan act of protection. Now whethershe’s stuck in a Jane Austin novel orI’m just an uncouth Yorkshire lout is amoot point but I’ve never come acrossthis before. However, I begrudginglyadmitted it makes sense and take theroadside of the pavement until we getto the pub. Trouble is she won’t let it go and keepspointing out of the window at menwho have got it right and others whoare obviously just as chauvinistic as mefor not being born 150 years ago andtherefore not familiar with Victorian eti-quette. Despite her beauty, this girlswiftly goes from being mildly annoy-ing to totally intolerable and eventuallyI bite.“Can I ask you a question?” I ask. “Sure, fire away,” She said.“Well I get what you say about the eti-quette. But what happens when we’recrossing the road and the traffic iscoming from both sides? Would youlike me to circle you like a soddingsheep dog?” I grinStrangely enough, she didn’t see thefunny side of this and we never saw orspoke again. Ah well, You can’t winthem all.

Sarah is nearer my age than the oth-ers, attractive and friendly. She’s a littleon the heavy side but this is a bonus ina way as it makes me feel less selfconscious about my own bulk. She’sintelligent, warm, amusing and wepass away the hours in a pub in Leeds.The conversation is seamless and thequiet moments are necessary pausesrather than awkward silences.Everything is going fantastic; I’m reallyhoping I get to see this girl again.Then she mentions the name of acousin of hers who uses the same dat-ing site. A cousin I’d dated a fewweeks earlier in a relationship thatwas, shall we say, physical and brief.Over a quarter of a million women inLeeds and I manage to date two fromthe same family in the same month. Isay nothing and agree to meet again,but let the emails and phone calls dryup. Despite my reputation, there arelevels even I wouldn’t sink to.

So there you have it, a collec-tion of failed dates, mostly my fault(although not all). I enjoyed meetinglots of interesting people; some verynice, some borderline crazy. What Ilearnt most of all was a reinforcementof the point that I’m incompatible withanyone but I had some fun finding out.Glancing in a magazine, I see thatmatch.com will find you love within sixmonths or give you your money back. I bet I can beat them.

Date 2

The female of the species...

Date 3

Third time lucky?

This year saw the first book of

poems by Liam Whetstone, a 3rd-Year Media student at Leeds Trinity,published by Xlibiris. ObservationalExpressions of Humanity representsyears of work on his poetry, themajority of which he says have “justbeen scribbled down and have set-tled down into the poems in thebook… I write maybe two or three aday.” Liam is one of those peoplethat just never stop writing, con-stantly absorbing culture and lettingit bubble into his writing. For exam-ple, a quick glance through thebook’s bibliography reveals influ-ences from Steven Hawking to JoyDivision and Fawlty Towers.

Throughout his work, Liamconstantly attacks the labels that westill find in modern society. One ofthe most prevalent themes in thebook is that of mental illness, ofwhich he says: “a person should bedefined by who they are and notanything else” and “there’s a reasonwhy they’re like this, something iswrong with this person and theyneed our help.”

With this theme we see animpressive selection of approaches

for one poet; in ‘Why’, the existen-tialist inside him erupts in a flurry ofemphatic questions, climaxing with“Life has no purpose it is a listlesstrickle of why should I’s”, a quote

from John Wilmot, 2nd Earl ofRochester. In another poem, ‘CaveLife’, Liam explores the mind of ananorexic with lines like “… dissolveinto nothing / Here I sit in the defin-ing silence”. Through his sparselypunctuated lines and hauntingimages, Liam’s powerful messagerings clear.

Don’t let a few heavy poemsconvince you that this is a heavybook. With his unpretentious style,Liam makes what could have beenpreachy material into enjoyable read-ing; in ‘Normal’ he cuts into thepoem’s initial question “What is nor-mal?” with the succinctly witty lines“this all depends on which side ofthe fence you sit on / or whetherthere really happens to be a fence /at all.” In later poems, he happilyplays with contemporary culture;arguably some of the more frivolousdigressions feature references toFather Ted, and in ‘A Remedy forDisappointment’ the phrase “Don’tpanic”, famously uttered by Dad’sArmy’s Jones. This makes for a thor-oughly pleasing and sensitive read,no matter what the material.

Liam lives for poetry, when

asked if he was working on anythingfor the future, he replied “I’ve writ-ten something like 50 more poems,but I’ve got about 120 or 140 draftsthat I’ve not used yet. At themoment they’re just ramblings that

could be made for other stuff.Usually they come from when I’ll bereading a book or listening to a songor something, I’ll see a phrase or anidea and I’ll think, right, I’ll work onthat. Sometimes it’s just a trial anderror thing, other times the poemsjust write themselves.”

His commitment to poetryseems to go further when he’s talk-ing about the process of editing andgetting his poems published. Thecontent of his work made it hard formany publishers to see the benefit ofgoing for a collection as honest asLiam’s book. He speaks of gettingreplies like “sorry, it’s a bit too

Liam Whetstone

talks about poet-

ry, getting pub-

lished and

Fawlty Towers

A personshould be

defined by who theyare and notanything else

“

“

Interviews

heavy, we don’t really publish thissort of thing. Maybe if they’re a bittoo conservative or something.” Hiseventual success with getting a dealis also a testament to the selectionof chances on offer to new writers atthe moment; he’s never met his pub-

lishers because “they’re actually inAmerica! So I’ve had to do it all overthe internet, by emails and all that.I’d say if there is anyone wanting toget published, there’s loads of pub-lishers online, have a look on thereand you’ll find something. But don’tcommit straight away, make surethey’re not going to be putting theirhands in your work and messingabout with it.” Liam’s story is encour-aging for prospective writers whomight be looking to get their workpublished, and promising, becausehere we have a talented poet withmuch more to offer in the future.

John Darley

Showstopper! TheImprovised Musical-Could it be a crowd-pleaser?A new wave of improvised theatre ison its way to Leeds for one nightonly. Thursday 4 November sees theWest Yorkshire Playhouse hostShowstopper! The ImprovisedMusical.

After a successful run inLondon’s West End and three sell-outseasons at the Edinburgh Fringe fes-tival, Showstopper! is currently on itsvery first UK tour. A brand new con-cept created by Adam Meggido(artistic director of ‘The StickingPlace’) and veteran improviser DylanEmery: the cast ask the audience forsuggestions and creates a musicalaround the themes provided.

In a brief interview I wasable to quiz Adam about it. He toldme he had “absolutely no idea what[Showstopper!] is about. It’s animprovised musical; it’s completelydifferent every night so it’s up to theaudience to decide what it’s about.”He continued, “Last night it wasabout a topiarist who had to savethe King from revolutionary France.We ask what they want and then wesing about it! It’s way more fun to

work without scripts.” Each show is different with

each audience but the basic premiseis of a writer who has been givenonly one night to devise a musical toimpress his producer. He turns tothe audience for the title, storylineand musical style that they want tosee. Showstoppers! then goes on toproduce a top-class performanceleaving viewers in awe.

Although a new concept,Showstopper! has already gainedcritical acclaim from top critics andwas last year awarded MervynStutter’s ‘Spirit Of The Fringe Award’as well as holding regular residenciesin top London venues.

The cast is made up of four-

teen experienced and enthusiasticimprovisers, all of whom have anunnatural ability to think on theirfeet, capable of delivering a stunningperformance every night. Musical-theatre has had a recent surge inpopularity especially with theyounger generations, thanks to filmslike High School Musical and TV pro-grammes such as Glee, and the castof Showstopper! are hoping they areno exception.

Suitable for audiences of allages, the content can be adapted tothe audience providing an exception-al and unique performance that willnot be found anywhere else. Sowhat are you waiting for? Tickets areselling fast and the tour finishes 30December, so grab your ticket for thehottest new show musical-theatrehas to offer.

Rosie Fenwick

Liam Whetstone’s new book of

poetry is urrently available fom

amazon.com. Two examples of

his work are featured in this

issue’s Creative section.

Last night it wasabout a topiarist who hadto save the King from rev-olutionary France. We askwhat they want and thenwe sing about it! It’s waymore fun to work withoutscripts.

“

“

Interviews

On face value Tiffany Page does notfit the quintessential image of themodern rock star. A diminutive,politely spoken girl, Tiffany is warmand engaging and has enoughhumility about her to accept that sheis still learning her craft and alsohow to handle the press.

“Are you sticking around Daveto make sure I don’t say anythingtoo incriminating?” she shouts acrossto her guitarist as we are about tostart the interview in her dressingroom. Dave obliges, lounging on asofa opposite us but all the while,watching and listening intently, hisprotectiveness towards Tiffany isobvious.

Despite her inexperience,Tiffany is a talkative and lucid inter-viewee. She is appreciative and yetunaffected by her new found popu-larity and is genuinely pleased andsurprised that I will be going to seeher perform at Leeds Students Unionlater that night.

Tiffany talks openly about herorigins in music from her first gig onValentine’s Day five years previousthrough the endless open mic ses-sions in pubs and clubs throughoutLondon.

“I’ve played in places wherethere were only five people watchingincluding the bar staff. They are themost difficult gigs but you still haveto put on a performance. No matterhow small the audience is, someonehas still taken the time to come andsee you and deserves to be enter-tained. That’s what I try to do,whether there’s one person or athousand.”

Tiffany’s humility and generalmodesty manifests itself when she isasked whether she considered takingthe X-factor route and fast trackingto success.

“Maybe if I was in my 30’s andfelt time was running out, but if I’mhonest I couldn’t win X Factor any-way. I don’t have the full vocal rangeof the contestants on there andthey’re looking for an all round popstar. I don’t think my music or voicefits what they want.”

A modest reflection althoughpossibly not a fair one. Moving on totalk about the present, with a new

single, a new album and an appear-ance at Glastonbury, Tiffany could beforgiven for feeling pleased with her-self. However, she still showed her-self to be a little amused at thepanic shown by her management.

“I’m being wrapped in cottonwool a little at the moment,” shesays with a giggle. “I’m constantlybeing told that things are going totake off soon. I’ve been bannedfrom doing anything remotely dan-gerous. I’m not even allowed torun.”

Tiffany talks proudly about hernew album Walk Away Slow, whichwas released September 13th. Yetshe also feels happier touring than inthe studio as she expresses herselfmore on stage.

“I love the album. I’m reallyproud of it and I hope there’s some-thing for everyone on it but from apersonal point of view I would haveliked it to be a bit heavier. When I’mon stage I can do what I want with

the tracks and givethem a harder edge and really letgo.”

Tiffany’s talent and voice arewithout question and even thoughshe is still relatively unknown shehas developed a cult followingalready. A quick glance of the com-ments on her Myspace page shows

A quick glance ofthe commentons onher Myspace pageshows the depth ofdevotion her follow-ers have for her.

“

“

Neville Copley talks to Tiffany Page about her fresh rock credentials

Interviews

the depth of devotion her followershave for her. Not everyone has takento her though and there is a feelingamongst serious music lovers thatshe is just a posh girl from a stageschool who is more innocent thandecadent. Tiffany bridles slightly atthe question but still answers honest-ly.

“I suppose I was always going topick up this sort of negativity. I’mnot going to apologise for being well-spoken and these people know littleabout me. I was expelled from schooltwice so I’m hardly a good girl. As Isaid earlier, I never went to stageschool and spent five years playinglive before I got the break. But I’veread some of the comments and ifpeople are going to take the time tolisten my stuff then they deserve avoice positive or otherwise.”

As an afterthought she adds witha wicked smile: “they’re probablyfrom ex-boyfriends I’ve upset at sometime.”

Tiffany epitomizes her beliefs onthe night with a fantastic perform-ance to a small but appreciative audi-ence. She ups the raunchy level fromher album. Dressed in a figure hug-ging short black dress with her longtousled dark hair, Tiffany is the epito-me of the smoldering rock chick.Many teenage boys will have postersof this engaging Londoner on hiswall.

After the show Tiffany takes thetime to come out front and talk to theaudience including the group I amwith. A child-like quality emergesfrom her when she is asked to signsomeone’s ticket and her unadulterat-ed glee at actually having her owntickets is both amusing and engaging.Coming out to talk to the audienceafterwards is a nice touch as is allow-ing half an hour to an unknown jour-nalist for an interview.

She thanks me for coming andasks me to send her a copy of thefeature when it is finished. Many starswith a greater profile and supposedlysuperior talent would not have beenso approachable.

Neville Copley

Interviews

Q&AA nice sit down with somePyschobilly rockers... maybe not.Baby Godzilla is band that seems tobe going from strength to strengthand developing an unpredictable andentertaining reputation these days.Having supported a slew of rep-utable signed acts and putting onamusing performances atNottingham’s Rock City nightclub, theINFLUX festival and the HockleyHustle festival, what does the bandhave to say?

Matt: Amusing performances? We’redeadly serious, mid set-swan divesare an art form.

Q: How long have you beentogether as a band?

A: Tom: About year and a bit

Q: How many festivals haveyou played?

A: Tom: t**t loads.Matt: ... yeah t**t loadsPaul: about six I think, yeah six.

Q: Where is your favouritevenue to play and why?

A: Matt: Our favourite places toplay aren’t generally venues.

Tom: Some of my favouriteshows have been in places thatweren’t built for gigs.

Matt: The riot we caused down-stairs in the Pit and Pendulum pubwas pretty great.

Tom: And the canal house show,that... got wet.

Paul: We all like the ChameleonCafe in Nottingham too. It’s quitesmall but everyone’s therefor a good time and the crowds arealways very receptive.

Q: What is your most memo-rable moment as band thusfar and why?

A: Tom: We’ve had some megatimes in this short period that we’vebeen together, one that sticks in myhead was when we played the canalhouse and I jumped in the canalafterwards which lead me to gettingkicked out my own show. It wasokay though, I had some red shortson.

Matt: What about that time AinsleyHarriot tried rob off with our rider inKonin?Tom: I forgot about that. Thatsucked.Matt: What a massive tool.Paul: There are two that I definitelycannot choose between. One isgoing on a tour of Poland, which wasjust insane and the other is doing aphoto shoot in a dinghy in a riverbeing pulled by a boat. That was justproper random!

Q: What made you choosethis sort of music?

A: Paul: For me personally, it just

kind of happened. I didn’t reallychoose it specifically, but I just start-ed playing it and loved it. Wouldn’tchange it!Tom: it wasn’t really something wechose, we got asked to play thismusic by Debby Harry.Matt: Yeah she was all like “there’sa gap in the market that you oughtto be filling lads”, and you don’targue with the Harry!

Q: Who are your main inspi-rations in the music industry?

A: Matt and Tom: ANDREW W.K.Paul: Josh Homme and Dave

Grohl are easily my main inspira-tions. Everything they seem totouch turns to musical gold andthey’re just ace. Can’t help but beinspired by Led Zeppelin as well!

Q: Who are you main inspira-tions outside of music?

A: Paul: Greggs PastiesTom: HammersMatt: Dave Benson Phillips

Q: If you could have oneother instrument in the bandwhat would it be?

A: Tom: a not a keyboard.Matt: anything that makes us soundmore like U2 and less like the rest ofthat noise they play on the wireless

Q: If you could open for oneband, which would it be?

Pictures copyright of Ed Jasion

the riot we caused downstairs inthe Pit and Pendulum pub was prettygreat

“ “

Interviews

A: Matt: We’ve already opened forone of my all time favourite bands,80s Matchbox, that was an incrediblehonour.Paul: I can quite easily say that itwould Them Crooked Vultures at themoment. Three of my inspirationsrolled into one!Tom: Million DeadMatt: If we’re breaking the rulesand going for bands that aren’taround anymore I’d say Reuben.

Q: What careers would youall be pursuing if you weren’tin the music industry?

A: Tom: Dog walker, which wouldbe great.

Matt: I’d be a pro-skaterPaul: Well I am currently study-

ing a degree in Product Design. Andwhen that is finished I wanted to bea teacher, but sod that!

Q: What obstacles have youencountered along the way?

A: Matt: I had to side step past awell the other day.Tom: You’re an idiotMatt: To be honest we’ve not comeup against that much, but we’vefound that if you approach things inthe right way, there are plenty ofawesome people out there that willhelp, like Will Robinson from I’m NotFrom London for example. Tom: Luckily we haven’t had anymajor obstac les so far, and if wedid, we’re really easy going so we’djust get through it and come outsmiling... and bleeding on the otherside!

Q: What sort of things haveyou learned along the waythat you wish you had known when youfirst started out?

A: Tom: That cymbals aren’t freePaul: That one of the most impor-tant things about playing a gig isputting on a bloody show at thesame time. And that alcohol beforehand is definitely a menace at times! Matt: That if you’re English andabroad with blood pouring from yourskull, foreign medics will give you acup of tea and assume that every-thing is fixed (true story).

Q: What are your favouritethings about being in a band?

A: Matt: My favourite thing is that Ican act like an absolute idiot in frontof lots of people and be revered foritPaul and Tom: Everything. I lovethe gigging, the recording, the fans,the camaraderie, the lot!

Q: What do you hate aboutbeing in a band?

Matt: That I have to hang aroundwith TomTom: That I have to hang aroundwith MattPaul: Actually, the one thing at themoment which is a ball ache is whenyou’ve finished a gig and you justwant to party and then you have toflaming pack away your stuff anddrive it home. Definitely need someroadies ASAP!

Ashwin Marcus Balu

Baby Godzilla will next play at

The Blue Room, Blackpool on

8/1/11 For more info visit

www.myspace.com/baby-godzilla

one of the mostimportant thingsabout playing a gig isputting on a bloodyshow... And alcoholbeforehand isdefinitely a menace!

“

“

Pictures copyright of Ed Jasion

Interviews

The Social

Network

12, 121mins

I’ve never really liked Facebook. Yes,it has its uses and 500 million peoplecan’t be wrong, but the idea ofgoing for a night out with theexpressed purpose of compulsivelyrecording every drunken moment isa truly terrifying one. And sharing itwith your cackling friends the morn-ing after over only a headache and avague dread of what the next photomight reveal seems closer to a sado-masochistic nightmare than socialis-ing to me.

In spite of this, The SocialNetwork made me smile. This isprobably something to do with thefact that despite appearances, this isnot a film about Facebook, it’s aboutpeople and friends and rivalry andthe sick thrill of being intrinsicallyliked to everyone you’ll ever meet.In its own special way, the film stepsaway from the hype Facebook hascreated for itself and plugs us intothe minds of those involved. It’s inthis respect that what would be anintriguing film starts to turn intosomething really special.

The film opens with Mark

Zuckerberg inadvertently insultinghis girlfriend by nonchalantly dis-missing her chances of meeting thesorts of geniuses he rubs shoulderswith at his Harvard residences.Unsurprisingly, this results in herbreaking up with him. This openingscene epitomises the relationshipZuckerberg has with the rest of theworld. He’s constantly four or fivesentences ahead of anyone else inthe conversation and his effects onthose involved define him as aunique intelligence surrounded byothers who have failed to keep upwith him. Screenwriter, Aaron Sorkin,slaps a desert-dry wit over the char-acter of Zuckerberg, while JesseEisenberg’s deadpan delivery injectsa likeable, almost lovable zeal intothe otherwise repulsively arrogantmain character.

If you’ve seen Seven, FightClub or Zodiac, you’ll know thatDavid Fincher is a director that saysit how it is. Fancy being repulsed?

Fincher will tell you your wife’s miss-ing and hand you a head-sizedblood-stained cardboard box.However in this film, it’s the pacingof scenes that brings it to life; fastcutting, short sharp lines slicingthrough a thumping soundtrack asFincher sets the messy studenthouse-party against the rhythm ofZuckerberg’s keyboard as heemphatically ties the fabric of societytogether.

Even with sturdy writing andsuperb acting, when it boils down toit, the majority of the ‘action’ in TheSocial Network revolves aroundgeeks being smug and writing inter-net code exceptionally fast in theirbedrooms. This shouldn’t make agood film, but David Fincher’s spot-on direction lets the dialogue speakfor itself, drawing us into what couldhave been an impenetrable storywith remarkable precision.

John Darley

Leeds InternationalFilm Festival

From the 4th November, LeedsInternational Film Festival is celebrat-

ing its 24th year. From it’s humblebeginnings, the ambitions projecthas blossomed into a plethora ofvenues including Vue in The Light,

HiFi Club, Howard Assembly Rooms,Nation of Shopkeepers, Leeds CityArt Gallery, University of Leeds aswell as its birthplace in Hyde ParkPicturehouse.

Despite its big-name status,LIFF remains routed in its modestbeginnings, deftly avoiding showytuxedoes and outrageous premierceremonies, and relies on a celebra-

tion of all that is weird, unusual anddivers in this eclectic medium.

For full listings, seewww.leedsfilm.co.uk

Collin Firth in The King’s Speech,

shown at this years LIFF

Reviews

Despicable

Me

U, 95 mins Steve Carell voices a super-villainwith a heart in this animated comedywith a twist.

What puts ‘Despicable Me’ inthe same league as animatedfavourites such as ‘Monsters, Inc’and ‘Toy Story’ is that it’s fun for allthe family; there’s enough sneaky

adult humour to keep the

grown-ups entertained but it neverfails to satisfy the younger viewers.

The plot follows Gru (Carell),who prides himself on being theworld’s most cunning villain – that isuntil Vector (Jason Segel) snatcheshis crown by stealing a pyramid from

Egypt, replacing it with a giant inflat-able. Gru vows to do one better thanhis nemesis and hatches the ultimate

evil deed – to steal themoon. Meanwhile, three orphan girls,Margo, Edith and Agnes, are sellingcookies around the neighbourhoodwhen they encounter the miserableGru at his dark and moody home.Unbeknown to the girls, Gru thinksthey will be useful to him while car-

rying out his evil mission…A clever look at how the

‘baddies’ can have hearts too, kidswill love this scrooge-like story of alonely man whose frozen heart ismelted by three orphan girls.Providing the laughs are lots of slap-stick moments, including a scenewhere the geeky Vector prevents Grufrom entering his lair with the helpof an array of ridiculous gadgets,rockets and bombs. These over-the-top gadgets pop up several times inthe film, parodying the usual may-hem of superhero/villain battles.

An interesting element isRussell Brand’s voice as Dr. Nefario,Gru’s ageing assistant. Brand’s cock-ney drawl is perfect for the characterof Nefario and provides many alaugh throughout.

An up-to-date kids’ film witha relevant message, portraying theisolation felt by orphans, but alsohow families come in all shapes andforms nowadays and that not allfamilies have mummies and daddiesnecessarily, this makes for a great

trip out.

Martin Ward

Film

over the top gadges pop up severaltimes in the film, parodying the usualmayhem of superhero/villain battles

“ “

Reviews

Fallout: New Vegas

It’s never been a better time to gofor a walk in a post-apocalypticwasteland. After the runaway suc-cess of Fallout Three on all plat-forms, New Vegas takes the playerfrom the war-torn wasteland ofWashington DC, to the sleazy glam-our of Nevada’s famous casino city.Developers are keen to stress thereis no continuity between the twogames, as it involves no similar loca-tions or characters, but does use the

same engine and is based in thesame world, still shattered two hun-dred years after a devastatingnuclear war. You play the Courier, amessenger ambushed and killed forhis mysterious cargo, pulled from ashallow grave and sent off on aquest to find out who killed you, andwhy. In no time at all you’ll becomeembroiled in the faction warfarebetween the semi-official NewCalifornia Republic, the immoraldespoilers of Caeser’s Legion, and amyriad of gangs, outlaws and high-rollers who inhabit old Las Vegas.

It’s one of the key shifts from theFallout Three dynamic, with thestruggle for control of the entiregame-world by these groups reallycolouring your own adventure.Capitalising on this, the old ‘karma’system rewarding your actions hasbeen replaced with a reputation youearn with various factions. Move intoterritory owned by a hostile groupand expect the difficulty to ratchetup, but get preferential treatmentfrom their enemies.Unfortunately these exciting newconcepts are really let down bysome embarrassing bugs, such ascharacters sliding through terrain,and also the unintuitive weapon cus-tomisation screen which has no realtutorial.There’s simply not enough space toaccurately review this sprawlinggame but it’s an immediate attentiongrabber and time waster, which is sofar compensating for the minor tech-nical failings. I’d recommend itentirely.

Timothy Hood

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed 2

As a proud and now very poor ownerof a PS3, 360 and a Wii I tend tospend a fair bit (parents define it astoo much) of my free time gaming.I’ve been doing it for years and as ofyet have been unable to find a cure.One of the year’s titles that I havebeen particularly looking forward tois the Force Unleashed 2.

This is the sequel to thegreatest-selling Star Wars game ofall time and was supposed to contin-ue with the brilliant story and brandnew characters that had been intro-duced. Unfortunately, it doesn’t quitelive up to the promise.

As in the first game you playas Starkiller, Darth Vader’s secretapprentice who died at the end ofthe first game yet is somehow alivefor the second one. The possibility ofhim being a clone is constantly toyedwith throughout the game but isnever fully explained. Again, theemphasis on the game is focused onthe force and the ridonkculousamount of power that Starkiller has.

You also have the opportunity towield two lightsabers instead of justone, an added bonus that looks suit-ably badass onscreen. That said, thebadassness eventually wears off asStarkiller uses the same ‘cool’ movesover and over again, from the startof the game to the finish.

Another major disappoint-ment is the story. Compared to thewitty and award-winning story of thefirst game TFU2 packs little in termsof a narrative punch. It feels as ifless effort has been put into it and,at some points, scenes were simplyput in to give the hardcore fans atreat, regardless of whether it wouldactually suit the Starkiller story. Andit’s so damn short. I managed tocomplete the game in one sittingwhich means two things; that I needto get out more and that the game

should have been longer. Gamesdevelopers are now asking forty quida time for new games nowadays andit would be nice to get your money’sworth.

It’s not all doom and gloomthough; visually, the game is fantas-tic and the acting in the cutscenes issuperb. And the cliffhanger that thegame leaves you on makes you des-perately want to know what happensnext as every cliffhanger is designedto do. Then again, we might neverknow what happens as LucasArtshave recently gone through achange in management, puttingsequels like TFU3 into doubt. Itwould be disappointing as this serieshas proved to be, for me at least,the most promising Star Wars gamesthat have been made in recentyears.

However, these points don’thide the fact that TFU2 is ultimatelya very disappointing game. I will sayto the people, like myself, whobought the first game and loved it tobuy it so that you can continueStarkiller’s story, but don’t expect itto last you very long.

Joshua Newbury

Games

Reviews

Food and drink

Shaky JakesIf you’re a student living inHeadingley then I’m sure you’vealready been introduced to ShakyJakes. With smoothies and waffleson offer, its main attraction lies intheir milkshakes with over fiftyflavours to choose from. It pridesitself on its unique and experimentalmilkshakes that attracts people of allages, but especially Leeds students.

Styled like a diner with staffalready waiting at the counter foryou, Shaky Jakes is a studentfavourite. Whether you’re a regularor visiting for the first time you’llalways been overwhelmed by thenumber of flavours available for yourmilkshake.

Think of a flavour. Anything.Think of your favourite chocolate baror biscuit, or maybe a dessert.They’ll have it. Choose Mars bar,chocolate brownie, Haribo, Banoffepie, Jammie Dodgers, or from many

more flavours, or you could treatyourself to the ‘Jakes Classic Malt.’Chocolate sauce and Horlicks, with aMalteser topping. I’m not kiddingwhen I say every sweet you’ve everknown will be on that list.

The diner itself is quiet. Asmall shop but perfect for taking abreak in and reasonably priced – abonus for students. It does howeverlack in seating area. With only twotables and a few stools, it’s a shamethat you can’t enjoy some time outin the actual shop if it isn’t full up.The diner would be a nice place tojust sit and enjoy a milkshake or a

smoothie if only it had more seats. The smoothies themselves

are quite limited. There are a fewnamed smoothie specials and youhave the option of choosing yourown three flavours to make yourown, but smoothies are not all thatfocused on. The sole promotionseems to lie in their milkshakes. Ibelieve Shaky Jakes could attracteven more customers if they alsooffered more options in smoothies.Right now, the business is doingquite well for itself, with anotherstore opening up in Bradford. But itcould do even better if they alsopromoted their other products justas much.

Vanessa Blackburn

Restaurantreview – Sous Le Nez

The French restaurant Sous Le Nezsits smugly under Quebec House.Outside, it’s miserable; spit dribblesfrom the cold sky, stained off-yellowby the lazy-eyed lampposts stood

askew like half-arsed teenagers.Inside, the wood panelled bar sits in

the centre of the room glowing witha calmly British ambience. Walkinginto Sous Le Nez is an unusual expe-rience because it’s a restaurant thatis clearly proud of its French routes,but rather than leaping at you, garliccloves lewdly swinging from onehand and a fist full of “ah oui oui!” inthe other, a suave je ne sais quoistirs through the place like a gentleswirl of cream in a good bowl oftomato soup.

We were on the Menu duSoir; a set menu with a selection ofaround nine dishes for each of thethree courses, a generous selectionconsidering the comparatively smallsize of the A la Carte menu. Mystarter was a chicken liver parfaitwith apple chutney and toastedbrioche, a weighty combination atthe best of times, which makes thedish that I was served difficult to

describe without hyperbole. Thechutney cut through the hearty par-fait with well measured acidity andwith the lightly sweet brioche sittingin the corner, it was a wonderfullybalanced dish.

The main, pan friend pigeonbreasts with haggis on a cushion ofhorseradish and parsley mash, wasalso well tuned. The pigeon was sosoft it felt spreadable, with richjuices that ran down into the mashwith a scrumptious zeal and the hag-gis and mash was packed withflavours without. It certainly was fill-ing, but a light crème brûlée desertwas a perfect end to the evening.Sous Le Nez offers a hearty selectionof dishes

John Darley

Think of a flavour.Anything. Think of

your favourite chocolatebar or dessert. They’llhave it.

“ “It doesn’t leap atyou, garlic cloves

lewdly swinging fromone hand and a fist fullof “ah oui oui!”in the other

“ “

Reviews

For a band that turned sixteen this

August, Bowling for Soup has cer-

tainly not hit old age yet! The Texan

group, famous for their laugh out

loud hits ‘High School Never Ends’

and ‘1985’, are every bit as amazing

onstage as they are on their albums.

The intro song – ‘Here Comes

Bowling For Soup’ by Parry Gripp –

boasted that the ‘greatest show on

earth is here for you’ and well, it

wasn’t far wrong. Over an hour of

hits and album tracks alike – the

audience screamed along to ‘Girl All

The Bad Guys Want’ just as loud as

they did to ‘Ohio (Come Back To

Texas)’. 2006 hit ‘High School Never

Ends’ received possibly the biggest

reaction of the night, with even

those who appeared to have been

dragged along joining in with the

chorus, though the video screened

with recent single ‘My Wena’ (a song

with lyrics filled with more double

entendres than a Carry On film) gen-

erated quite a lot of laughs. A rather

well done rendition of The Ting

Tings’ ‘That’s Not My Name’ got

most of the audience singing along,

and last song ‘A Really Cool Dance

Song’ allowed the band to escape

the stage while their guitar techs

took over the instrumental break at

the end – the combination of satiri-

cal lyrics and an, admittedly, really

cool dance beat kept the audience

entertained for the final minutes of

the gig.

Bowling For Soup’s ‘Just Can’t Get

Rid Of Us’ tour was, in all honesty,

one of the best I’ve seen and, with

the band promising a new album out

“soon”, it doesn’t look like we’ll be

getting rid of them just yet.

Sarah Inkpin

Review from their show on 16th

October a O2 Academy, Leeds

Music

At number one this month is Rihanna’s new single “Only Girl (In The World)”. The track sees Rihanna dive awayfrom her previous hip-hop flavour of music; instead embracing the heavy synths and trance beats of club music.Starting mellow and moody with a few blips and bleeps, Rihanna roars out the chorus and give us instant anthem-material. It will be interesting to see how her sound develops in the coming months, but clearly the public arealready loving this drastic change – perhaps because her voice is so adaptable to different genres of music. Withbright red, longer locks replacing her previous blonde quiff, Rihanna appears to be the chameleon of pop music, fol-lowing in the footsteps of Madonna and Kylie.

Cheryl Cole returned to thecharts in October, with her newsingle ‘Promise This’ just miss-ing out on the number onespot. Whilst retaining hertrademark hip-hop tingedsound, this new number is afiery dance track with edgy,robotic vocals and shows aslight change in direction. AfterCole’s performance of the songon ‘The X Factor’, a new andconfident performer seems tobe emerging and the song iscatchy and instant.

Bruno Mars’ recent domination of the charts continues thismonth as he releases his single’ Just The Way You Are’. Hisability to mould incredibly catchy hooks into a three-minutepop song seems to make him one to look out for in the nextyear and his songwriting skills can also be seen on Cee LoGreen’s ‘Forget You’, which has been popular this month.Performed by the contestant’s of ‘The X Factor’ earlier in themonth, its soulful, old-skool and Glee vibe makes this a greattrack but it does seem to be everywhere at the moment andit is constantly played on the radio so a word of advice: donot overplay or you will ruin a great song.

Mike Posner’s ‘Cooler Than Me’ is a must-have song for youriPod this month. After X Factor contestant Cher performed thetrack for her audition, the song’s popularity has soared.Posner’s vocals were still understated and infectiously cool,crooning over a frantic bass line and drumbeat. “You gotdesigner shades just to hide your face and you wear themaround like you’re cooler than me” – the perfect lyrics to rockout to in frustration at those who are too busy to smile or justwon’t pay you any attention.

Martin Ward

Best of iTunes

Bowling for Soup -

‘Just Can’t Get Rid

of Us’ Tour

Reviews

Mario Susko

“I thinking there’s no such thing as inspiration” says Mario in front of amodest group of predominantly English students who sit quietly aghast asthis strange gentleman pulls apart everything they’ve been taught aboutwriting. He’s a poet, but not one that may of us with Simon Armitage-spattered-Levels are likely to have crossed paths with.

It’s remarkable hearing him talk about his poetry because it’s sointrinsically sewn into the fabric of his person that just listening to hispoetry for an hour gives one the eerie sensation of having known himsince he experienced the events. He grew up in Sarajevo and had a trau-matic childhood stretched from his abusive father, to surviving as hiscountry was dismantled by the violence of the Bosnian war to… “yada,

Mario Susko’s visit was kindly organised by Leeds Trinity’s Paul

Hardwick, keep an eye out down the English coridor for details about

future visits from writers.

‘Furwell’ to Avenue Q

After 5 successful years of bad behaviourand political incorrectness it is time to saygoodbye to the puppets of Avenue Q.The award winning show will be closingits doors this month and getting ready forits highly anticipated and first ever UKtour.

This witty show was the winner ofthe 2004 Tony awards for Best Musical,Best Book of a Musical and Best OriginalScore. It tells the story of Princeton, abright eyed college graduate with a BA inEnglish, who is looking for his purpose inlife and introduces us all to the interest-ing characters he meets along the way.

Combining puppet actors with reallife actors, the show creates a new hybridof theatre. It brings the audience talent-ed actors who switch voices seamlesslyfor different puppets. Although it is origi-nally American the song lyrics arechanged to highlight current Britishaffairs.

However, this puppet show is not tar-geted towards children. It is not suitablefor under 15s due to its explicit lyrics and“full puppet nudity”. Described by castmembers as “a X-rated Sesame Street”this musical will have the audiences cry-ing with laughter with its songs. TheLondon show is now sold out but there isthe UK tour starting in February 2011.

So I suppose it is more fitting to say‘furwell’ and not goodbye to the cast ofAvenue Q.

Rosie Fenwick

yada, yada,” he says; his uncannyability to lay his life bare in front of aroom full of strangers is a curiousand enlightening one.

Don’t for a second think thathe’s transparent; Mario and his writ-ing are as elusive as they are honestand direct. Themes of memory andhistory entwine his work like barbedwire round a peace symbol, and inpoems like ‘Classroom’ his imagesappear at once eloquent, tranquil,disorganised and chaotic. Mario is apoet who picks up that word ‘mean-ing’ and moves it just out of sight,like a child cheerfully placing a spideron the back of your neck. He’s some-one with a lot to offer our think-fastgeneration and a pleasure to listento.

John DarleyPhoto by Nicky Osmotherly

Mallorca truly rocksIf it is not enough to be in Magalufwith gorgeous beaches and tempera-tures soaring past thirty degrees,then add some musical delights.Think The Courteeners, DizzieRascal, Calvin Harris, Pendulum, TheKooks and Bombay Bicycle Club andyou are introduced to MallorcaRocks.

That the line for this year so farand it has not disappointed. MallorcaRocks is the sister event to the longrunning Ibiza Rocks and it had itsdebut this year at the Mallorca RocksHotel. Thousands have flocked so farto see their favourite bands perform.

For The Courteeners, thousandsof skinny jean clad, indie disciples

travelled to rock out to classic tracksfrom the band’s first two albums andthey were not let down. Liam Fray,the band’s front man, had the crowdin the palm of his hands. Heshowed his passion towards the fansby throwing his tambourine into thecrowd at the end.

For Rascal’s past few gigs, hehas changed his style to allow gui-tars and drums to play along to

some of his famous tracks. Howeverhe returned to old school by bringingback the DJ and playing his originalsound which got the crowd bouncingall through the set and onto theafter party at BCM, the biggest clubin Magaluf. The after party had resi-dent DJ Judge Jules and RobertDurand who both kept the theme ofthe night going by mixing classictracks together for the audience.

Most people might expect tofind Magaluf full of ravers and pillpoppers. Yet the point I make isthat Mallorca Rocks has changed theimage of this party resort and madeit a perfect place for any indie/rockfan who wants a bit of sun, sea andgreat live music all summer long.

Reviews

Thousands of skinny jean cladindie disciples trav-

elled to rock out toThe Courteenersclassic tracks.

“ “

The time of year had prompted a surge of muddy handsand sore knees. My parents clumsily shuffled from oneflowerbed to another. Pearl-white majestic sunlight fil-tered through rich, green apple-tree leaves as they hap-pily danced with the movements of our spring-infestedcat. I and my sister, Jasmine, and her doll, Wendy,joined them, plunging our hands into the syrupy, pitch-black mess that formed recently dampened soil; soil thatwe both knew was in fact the decomposing remains ofsome gigantic long-forgotten manor.

At half past eleven my mother left us for thekitchen where she could begin lunch and watch us.Within twenty minutes the garden was flooded withmixed herbs, leaks and potatoes as my mother leanedout of the window to declare ‘Lunch is ready!’ In perfectchoreography my father stood up first, declared ‘Lunch isready!’ Immediately after I rose and turned to Jasmineand declare ‘Lunch is ready!’ Jasmine, who had beenquite absorbed by her picnic with Wendy, finally arosebefore turning to her doll to declare that she must beexcused for some time and that she was sorry for herunscheduled momentary absence.

During lunch we discussed what business need-ed doing that afternoon. My father had recently beenerecting a magnificent new garden shed in the far corner

of the garden. For weeks I had watched, mystified, fromthe window as he built the colossal thing, growing uplike a new mountain in our own little garden. But thatday, fuelled by the thumper-the-rabbit excitement of theEaster holidays, I volunteered to help in the final con-struction.I had not had much experience in the area of construc-tion and shed-building, and the first few minutes I spentwere as idol as a door with no hinges. I did, howeverwatch very intently and the tranquillity beset by ourmorning activities was soon cracked by the hoarse coughof my father’s saw and the rhythmic rat—-tat—-tats ofhammers, falling like plump, heavy raindrops all over theroof of our magnificent creation.

My mother had taken the opportunity of anempty house and so was otherwise engaged as she glid-ed from room to room, feather duster in one hand, thehandle of the vacuum cleaner in the other, and the vacu-um cleaner its self following tentatively behind. Fromoutside, the only sign of her at all was the occasionalmonotonous hums of the vacuum cleaner, and her head,which would sporadically emerge from one of the win-dows, to ask us how we were getting along.

It took us the best part of the afternoon to finishour project. Just as we finished, the warm, heavilyscented spring air begun to disperse. We stepped backout of its carpet-like shadow to gaze at the woodenmonolith before us. It was epic. The cool, empty aircombined with the dark, cascading shadows of lateafternoon somehow made its presence more so until itappeared to fill the whole garden. Sitting by the appletree and feeling terribly grown-up I wondered how longit was going to be before we lit the barbeque.

It wasn’t long. Soon the persistent tranquillitywhich had again fallen onto the garden was quicklytossed off like a giant’s slipper, as my dad looked at hiswatch and began pacing towards the old shed. Surly,after all the work we have done, he isn’t going to expectus to move all of the stuff from one shed to the other aswell, is he? I thought as he disappeared into the small,cave-like thing. The ensuing crashing and tumbling thatcame from that box implied that he was either trying toremove all of its contents in one go, or that he waswrestling some large animal residing in there. Finally heemerged, not with a hundred tons of gardening tools inhis arms, or with the corpse of a monstrous bear, butwith the battered, weary looking skeleton of barbeque!“Come on, give us a hand and grab the fire lighters andsome matches from the kitchen” I shot up, ostrich-eyedand made for the kitchen, where mother had alreadypredicted the evening’s eating arrangements and wasbusy collecting all manner of salad leaves and tomatoesand cucumber and peppers and olives and feta cheese.

The barbeque burned with such ferocity itcrossed my mind that father may have released a mon-ster from the old shed after all. The wind was picking upand the invisible fuel seemed to squeeze at the fire,pushing the harsh knife-like tongues of flame up into thevacant air above.

When the fire finally calmed and began its gen-tle, warm sleep, the food went on and soon we ate. Theforeboding wind forced us to consume our productsindoors, and while the winds hugged our house, we hap-pily ate.

Creative

The Shed at

Number Seven - Part 1

The Shed at

Number Seven - Part 1

CreativeThe sleeping dragon outside was not happy with theshifting weather, every so often a cloud of tiny starserupted from its flustered mouth; pathetic, mysteriousexpletives in a hubbub of shouting. It went on and on,building up and up, rising around our little house. Thenthe rain came, that thunderous, incessant rain that is sorelentless it feels like the house is underwater.

When I woke the next morning the restless,wind had left to hassle some other poor soul. It was still,and the serenity of a Sunday morning could be felt like awarm fur carpet lining the walls of every room. I fol-lowed my nose downstairs to find a table full of friedbacon and eggs and tomatoes and potato waffles. Myparents, Jasmine and Wendy were already feasting; myfather comfortably burrowed in the morning’s newspaper,my mother reading her book (it was a very old book ofwhich the dialect and grammar of the first line alone wasfar too advanced for me at the time. My mother oncedivulged her own synopsis of it – ‘It means that menwant money, and then they want a wife!’) My sister,Jasmine, was busy tending to the needs of Wendy – italways bemused me that a mute could be so vocal abouther requirements.“Good morning love. Sit down. I’ll get your plate. Frank,move over.” My mother said as she rose and disappearedinto the kitchen. My father coughed then smiled at me,

but it did not last long. As he looked longer and longerat me, his face became more and more contorted until itseamed that his eyes were staring right through andpast me. I turned to see if he was looking at anythingbehind me. I glanced behind me, around the room tofind nothing of interest, I checked out through the win-dow. “My good lord!” my father said as my eyes finallycame to rest on the bald, empty patch of grass on-whichonce rested the most magnificent shed I had ever seen. “Our shed! The shed! It’s gone!” I blurted out; a cocktailof shock and grief had formed in my stomach, impedingmy ability to divulge any more information than that.I learnt a new word that day – flabbergasted – I sat andwatched my father pace around that baron patch ofgrass for twenty minutes. Every so often he would checkover the three fences adjoining our garden, then lookdown at his feet, then over towards the empty square,and finally up in the sky as he repeated “Just flabber-gasted”, “I’m… flabbergasted” and “I don’t understandhow… just flabbergasted” among other variations.

John Darley

When you’re sad and feeling low there’s a lesson you must learnyou will always have disappointments but there is a remedy

for thisI do not refer to medicine or pills

Or the evils of drinkThere are healthier remedies for sadness the best thing to do

is to turn to Dell Boy or Captain MainwaringOr Jones and remember not to panic

But don’t listen to FrazerWatch Faulty Towers and remember there is always someoneworse off than yourself listen to Manuel and remember you’ll

forget about it eventually – at the endalways remember your weekly dose of Sit com and remember

Joneses’ words Don’t Panic

Liam Whetstone

What is normal?who is normal?

this all depends on which side of the fence you sit onor whether there really happends to be a fence

at allits all down to opinion what ever that means

it is not as simple as wrong and rightbut then someone decided what is wrong and right

someone created the concept of good and evil

normal can be boring

Being different is a positive thingIt isn’t wrong to be different when something goes againstthe norm and upsets the balance the so called experts find and create names for it they look for labels of those whoare different the ones who do not fall in with the rest of

life’s sheep and automaton they use absurd terminology todescribe those with conditions

Does it not occur to them that being different may be a goodthing

I know all about this because I am differentNormal as a word is a substitute for sedate stale borng

genericI will not accept my individuality as a bad thing

The doctors are the real mad onesWhen someone is different they invent a disease or condition

Liam Whetstone

The Shed at Number Seven will be reproduced in 3

parts - keep an eye out for more of the story in later

issues.

Normal?

A Remedy for Disappointment