live happily ever after now!

8/8/2019 Live Happily Ever After Now!

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The Only thing standing between oneself and happiness isoneself.Live Happily, Ever After Now! 9 Simple Steps to

Create the Life YOU Want! is a guide for readers who wantto push themselves towards a happier life and may not

realize that to get what they want it may be simpler than you

think. Discussing the barriers in ones mind, understandingwhy we are the way we are, and more,Live Happily, Ever

After Now! is a helpful and thoughtful read that shouldnt

be missed by those looking for a life renovation.- TheMidwest Book Review

I have been reading books about the Law of Attraction,

getting what you really want out of life, and living asuccessful life for many years. In the process of reading all

of these various books, I have found some real gems. Live

Happily, Ever AfterNOW! is one of those gems. It takes

all of the steps that you find in other books and puts theminto a little simpler terms, easier to comprehend steps, thatturn on a light bulb in your head.- Books4moms blog

I was surprised at how much I enjoyed Live Happily ever

AfterNow! and the no-nonsense, non-preachy approachDrake chose to use. Did the book change me? Time will be

the judge of that, but I am armed with the proper tools to

achieve my goal. Live Happily Ever AfterNow! is anexcellent resource to help anyone achieve a happier life.-

Jennifer Rundpinnes blog

This isn't a rah-rah type of book, filled with platitudes that

always fall a little short. This is a book written by a man

who knows what he's talking about. Whether you employ

these 9 steps completely or a little at a time, you'll notice adifference in your attitude and how other people interact

ith M t M d i bl


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Live

Happily, Ever AfterNOW!

9 Simple Steps to create the lifeYOU want!

ByTerry M. Drake, LSW, NBCCH

Lake House PublishingWellsboro, Pa


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Live Happily, Ever After Now!

Terry M. Drake, LSW, NBCCH

Published by:Lake House Publishing

Wellsboro, Pa 16901, [email protected]

http://lakehousepublishingonline.com

Live Happily, Ever After Now! 2010 Terry M. Drake

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States. No part of

this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form orby any means whatsoever without the express writtenpermission from the author. For information, address LakeHouse Publishing, 6 Helvetia St., Wellsboro, Pa 16901.

First Edition

This book may be purchased for educational, business or

sales promotional use. For information please write:Special Markets Department, Lake House Publishing, 6Helvetia St., Wellsboro, Pa 16901.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2010904237

ISBN: 978-0-615-36086-7

Editor, JCP Bowen

C d i d Ill t ti b A t R
mailto:[email protected]://lakehousepublishingonline.com/http://lakehousepublishingonline.com/http://lakehousepublishingonline.com/mailto:[email protected]


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Contents

About the Author ixAcknowledgments xDisclaimer xiIntroduction 13

Pre-step Stretch:

A few things you need to understandThe Formula for Happiness 21Useful vs. Un-useful Habits 23Your Belief System 26Making sense of the formula 29Summary 36

Step OneDont think of purple elephants!

I get what I want! 39How does it work? 43Thinking about what you want 46Implementing it into my thinking 47Helpful hints 48Summary 52

Step TwoDrop the Conspiracy Theories!

What is a Conspiracy Theory? 55Drop your conspiracy theories! 60You are in control 62How do I change it? 66

Summary 73

St Th


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Please yourself! 82No more! 83

The affirmation 87Summary 89

Step FourHave YOU Been Paying Attention?

Why pay attention? 93Learn from me! 96No failure only feedback 98Helpful hints 102Summary 104

Step FiveCuriosity Killed the Cat!

Did curiosity kill the cat? 109 What is childlike curiosity? 112

The idiom: Curiosity Killed the Cat 114Curiosity Explored 116Explore and Live! 120Summary 124

Step SixPerfection is a MYTH!

What is perfection? 127Perfectionist quiz 129The Perfectionist 131How do I change? 135Einstein a failure? 138Summary 139

Step Seven

If You Dont, Then Who Will?You must take action! 143


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Decide and take action! 152Summary 155

Step EightJust Do It!

The Nike Principle 159The Big Three 160Reversing the process 163Overcoming obstacles 166Summary 168

Step NineFake it Till YOU Make It!

Fake what? 171Do you want proof? 172Practice makes perfect! 173How to practice 175

Summary 181

Now What?Final note 185How to use this book 186My journey 187

Wrap up

Bibliography 199

Index 203


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ix

About the Author

Terry M. Drake is a Licensed Social Worker, NationalBoard Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Certified Trainerof Ericksonian Hypnosis and NLP. He has spent the last 10years learning about himself and others, through hisacademic studies resulting in his MSW and his professionalstudies, as a family therapist, clinical supervisor and vasttraining and research into hypnosis, neuro-linguisticprogramming, the law of attraction and positive

psychology. Terry is now ready to put these skills to use asan author, speaker, consultant and coach. Terry lives inWellsboro, Pa with his wife and children.

Terry M. Drake, LSW, NBCCH


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Acknowledgments

I want to thank everyone who had a part in thecompletion of this project, whether they knew they did ornot. To begin with I want to thank my wife, Lisa, and ourchildren, Kaitlyn, Emileigh, Desiray and Preston, becausethey allow me the freedom and flexibility to spend the timeit takes to accomplish my goals. I want to thank myparents, step-parents and in-laws; Sandy and Ray Osgood,Larry and Jackie Drake and Don and Linda West, for being

supportive, encouraging and being available to help out abusy family, with busy schedules. I want to thank RonKlien, my mentor and trainer, for opening a door in my lifethat has led me in directions I had only dreamt of. I want tothank CONCERN, the agency I work for, as well as PaulRieger, my direct supervisor for giving me the freedom togrow as a supervisor and allowing me the opportunity todevelop a new set of skills and confidence.

One of the most important aspects to thecompletion of this project was the guidance and direction Ireceived from my editor, Jen Bowen, thanks Jen. I want tothank Judy Pearson and Jill Cody, who provided me withextremely valuable feedback, which helped me to re-evaluate my writing style. I want to thank John Higham,for our occasional breaks from the day-to-day, as well as hissupport and encouragement. I want to thank Autumn

Rumsey, for her hard work on the cover design andillustrations, as well as being very easy to work with. Iwant to thank Dan Poynter for laying the foundation inWriting Nonfiction and for having a website full of valuableresources. Lastly, I want to thank all my co-workers, otherfamily members and friends, thanks for being a part of myjourney.

I sincerely thank all of these fine people, and I know they


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xi

Disclaimer

This book is designed to provide information aboutthe subject matter covered. It is sold with theunderstanding that the publisher and authors are notengaged in rendering legal, accounting or other

professional services. If legal or other expert assistance isrequired, the services of a competent professional should besought.

It is not the purpose of this manual to take the placeof any medical or mental health treatment, rather to providethe reader with insights into the workings of the mind andthe habitual development of un-useful habits, as well asways to change this within. This book is not meant to

replace any necessary treatment you may require toachieve a balanced and healthy life. So, if you have seriousmental health or medical issues, it is recommended that youseek and receive appropriate treatment from a qualifiedphysician or treatment provider. However, an individual,who is currently receiving appropriate treatment for theircondition or diagnosis and is following through withrecommendations, may find benefit from the information

contained within this book.The purpose of this book is to educate, inspire and

entertain. The author shall have neither liability norresponsibility to any person or entity with respect to anyloss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly orindirectly by the information contained in this book.

If you do not wish to be bound by the above, you may

return this book to the publisher for a full refund.


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Introduction

The North is to South what the clock is to timeTheres east and theres west and theres everywhere

lifeI know I was born and I know that Ill die

The in between is mineI am mine.

- lyrics to I Am Mine

- Pearl Jam Riot Act Album, November 2002

Who is Terry Drake?

Who am I? This is an interesting andimportant question, since it relates to how I got whereI am and if I know what Im talking about. First, Iwant you to know that my journey wasnt always aneasy one. I, like several of you, have struggled withmy self-worth, with expressing myself, with mypersonal relationships, with understanding what Iwanted, and how to change these things. I was able tochange and began creating the life I wanted. Byreading this book you will understand how I was ableto do this, but most importantly you will learn how

you too can change your life. I am going to teach youstep-by-step how to become happier and moresuccessful, however, before we begin your journey Iwant to share some background on who I am.

To begin with, my name is Terry MichaelDrake, born January 12, 1975. I was born inWellsboro, Pennsylvania. I grew up in Tioga and

Potter County, PA. For those of you not familiar withthese 2 counties, they are very rural and beautiful


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Introduction 14

set of rules for how a child like me was handledgrowing up. This transition period was about how

children were treated and raised by their families andcommunities.

Things like positive reinforcement werentcommon knowledge and the predominant belief wasthat negative reinforcement and fear were the bestways to raise and educate children. Good disciplinewas considered an ass beating or spanking,

depending on your family and children wereregularly paddled for negative school behaviors. Wecan joke about this transition and comedians often do,because over the years we have evolved to be who weare and several still question if children should receivecorporal punishment, but all agree that positivereinforcement and understanding strengths, as well asusing these strengths to help teach children, areextremely important in shaping a childs behaviorsand teaching them about life.

I am not here to talk about corporalpunishment. However, I can attest to how constantnegative reinforcement, the use of fear and assbeatings/spankings arent effective for hyperactive,sensitive children, who apparently arent learning

anything from these methods of discipline. As a childI was easily bored and distracted. I chose to makesome interesting choices to entertain myself both athome and school. These choices got me in regulartrouble and I developed an oppositional attitude,regularly seeking negative attention from others.

A famous and true story in our family circle is

about the time my brother and I decided to throw adozen eggs at the fireplace in our living room. I dont


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Introduction 15

was long and the fireplace was at one end, so I believewe were pitching at it. Trust me; my parents were not

amused by what we did. In todays world, I wouldhave been labeled ADHD or Aspergers, possibly beingprescribed a stimulant medication like Ritalin orAdderral and an antidepressant. These probablywould have helped.

I can tell you that none of the consequencesdeterred my behaviors and resulted in my

oppositional defiance towards authority, which didnthelp. My combination of sensitivity, impulsivity,constant negative reinforcement, and oppositionalbehaviors, resulted in a roller coaster ride full of highsand lows during my adolescence.

I was very angry during my adolescence and Ididnt understand it. I turned this anger inwards,resulting in bouts of depression and mood swings. Ihad poor self-esteem. I discovered drugs and alcohol,which helped me cope with social situations.

In late adolescence, between the ages of 17 and18, I would attempt suicide 3 times. They wereattempts that were really cries for help; two timesoverdosing on pills, one of which resulted in a trip tothe emergency room, and once purposefully wrecking

my car. I was lucky to make it out alive and to havemade it out without any serious legal troubles.

After high school I took a year off before Istarted taking classes at a local community college.That fall, 1994, I found out I was going to be a father.This was a life changing event and resulted in mygrowing up and maturing. Even though I became a

father and changed, I still struggled with anger anddepression.


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Introduction 16

better. I didnt know what this something better was;I knew I didnt have it, but I wanted it. During the

next 5 years my battle would continue. I married mydaughters mother and we separated a year after. Iwent on to graduate with my Bachelor in Social Workdegree, start another relationship, move away for ayear, then move back and begin graduate school.

I had always known that I wanted to helpother people, so I entered grad school and decided to

be a family therapist. I wanted to help break the cycleof violence, anger, and depression within the familysystem. During this time I was feeling better aboutmyself. However, I did continue to struggle withdepression and needed medication to deal with moodswings and anxiety. I did much better during this 4year period, but still wasnt happy and did notalways make the best choices.

In the spring of 2003 I got a DUI and my lifetook a downward spiral into abuse of painkillers andcocaine for the next 2 years. During that periodanother relationship ended, my career nearlydeteriorated, my role as a positive father figuredeclined, and I am lucky to have made it throughalive.

The relationship that ended was an unhealthyone, as I wasnt happy with myself and made poorchoices, which affected this area as well. Myemployment suffered, because I frequently cancelledappointments, called in sick, and was in a bad place.As a father, I became a horrible role model. I wasdisinterested in the outside world; my life revolved

around drugs and regrets from my past.This one time my daughter was in a


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Introduction 17

performing their routines during one of the varsityboys home basketball games. I attended, but was so

paranoid from cocaine and needing to do more of itthat I left early and didnt return. My mom and step-dad were there too, yet I was so uncomfortable that Ididnt stay for the whole game and missed the half-time show. Now, I did see some of her routine andgenuinely felt bad about my behavior, but guesswhat? I just did more drugs and wallowed in my self-

pity. I had experimented with painkillers and otherdrugs, but during this period it became a real problemfor me and nearly killed me a few times. I rememberon more than one occasion, after taking a cocktail ofpainkillers and whatever else I could get my hands on,having to force myself to throw up and knowing if Ididnt I would die. Even after throwing up Iwondered if I was going to wake up the next day. Ihated my life. I tormented myself and didnt care. Ididnt think about or try suicide during this period ofmy life, although I remember not wanting to be alive.

I would begin again, in the spring of 2005. Ihad already started taking trainings in Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) and I began developing

my new attitude and belief systems. Before thisrebuilding stage, I was still depressed and angry, as Iblamed others for my issues. I was like so many ofyou who struggle: making poor choices, coping withchallenging or difficult experiences and refusing to getpast them, constantly striving for unrealisticexpectations, and looking for self-worth from others.

I would begin my current relationship andemployment, both of which have assisted me in my


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Introduction 18

opportunity to develop my leadership skills and togrow as a professional.

I was able to make leaps and bounds in mypersonal and professional lives as I re-evaluated myself, learning from my past and seeking feedback for abetter present and future. I am currently pleased withmy present situation and am happy. I have a plan toaccomplish even more with my life, however ampatiently headed in that direction, enjoying everything

along the way.As a professional I am a Licensed SocialWorker, National Board Certified Hypnotherapist,and Certified Trainer of NLP and EricksonianHypnotherapy. I am the Director of CommunityBased Services for a non-profit social service agency,which provides a variety of behavioral and mentalhealth services to children and families. I am alsodeveloping a private practice, consulting, andspeaking/training business.

Personally, I am happily married with a three-year-old daughter, a fourteenyear-old daughter,fifteen-year-old step-daughter, and thirteen-year-oldstep-son. I am very happy with my life and where Iam headed. Now, I still have my ups and downs, but

I have learned how to handle things that come myway and make the best of them. I learn fromeverything and have a healthy outlook on life. I haveused the principles outlined in this book and continueto use them. Its pretty easy for me now. However, Istill have to remind myself of the steps from time totime and catch myself. In my quest for helping others

reach their true potential, I decided to offer myformula for happiness and the steps I used to change


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Introduction 19

How did I change?

I spent time and money learning to discoverthe simple steps that I have outlined in this book foryou. This is okay. My plan was to learn and use myknowledge to help others. I have developed my newbeliefs and positive attitude based on trainings andstudies in NLP, Ericksonian Hypnotherapy, andvarious other concepts like the Law of Attraction, TheSedona Method, and others that came my waythrough my research.

One of the more significant experiences that Ihad was a few years back when I went through theQuit for Good program to quit smoking. Thisprogram was taught to me and provided to me by RonKlien, my mentor and trainer in NLP and EricksonianHypnosis. I was very successful and I have not had a

cigarette since then. However, most importantly, I feelthat this was the catalyst helping me become a doer.Shortly after my experience with Ron, I began myprivate practice and started developing the new foundconfidence and attitude towards life that I now enjoy.

For you, I have taken what I consider the mostimportant aspects of my growth and broken them

down into 9 easy steps. I have done this so you toocan benefit from my experiences, research, and thelessons that I have learned. Now, you too can live andenjoy the life you want.

- Enjoy and best wishes.Terry M. Drake, LSW, NBCCH


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Pre-step Stretch:

A few things you need to understand

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact ofattitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more importantthan facts. It is more important than the past, theeducation, the money, than circumstances, than

failure, than successes, than what other people thinkor say or do. It is more important than appearance,giftedness or skill. It will make or break a companya church a home. The remarkable thing is we have

a choice everyday regarding the attitude we willembrace for that day. We cannot change our pastwe cannot change the fact that people will act in a

certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. Theonly thing we can do is play on the one string we

have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that lifeis 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to

it. And so it is with you we are in charge of ourattitudes.

- Charles R. Swindoll b. 1934

The formula for Happiness

What is the formula for happiness? As if thereis a secret formula, which you could mix up a batch ofin the lab. Well, actually it isnt even that complicated.You dont need the lab, you dont need to mix anysolutions, and that wouldnt result in real happiness.As funny as this notion seems, our society has jumpedon board with this idea. You are told a medication

ill h l ith ll bl Y b b d d


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Pre-step Stretch 22

would be with a cold beer or how you will be happyonce you buy that new car.

I can confidently tell you that without a changein your beliefs you will not find true happiness.Medications, relaxing moments, alcohol, and materialthings can help you enjoy your life, but alone they willnever bring you true happiness. Permanent successand happiness will only come from within and onlyby making changes to the way you think about

yourself and others.

Now, there is a simple formula for happinessand the best part about it is that it is already withinyou. Not only is it within you, it is under yourcontrol. It is also much easier than you think to lead ahappy and successful lifestyle. Most of you dont

li f ll d t d thi d th t i k Th


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Pre-step Stretch 23

formula, you just dont understand it yet and thatresults in your continued unhappiness.

Beliefs(Perception + Feedback+ Choice) = Happiness

Attitude

That is the formula for happiness. When itequals unhappiness it is due to a negative attitude. Anegative attitude impacts your perception, then your

feedback reinforces your perception and the choicesyou make. The results; a continued cycle and youdont understand it. When you have a negativeattitude it is impossible to enjoy anything or to betruly successful.

Several people believe that simply changingyour attitude will result in your desired change.

However, it is slightly more complicated than that.The reason most people fail when they just changetheir attitude is due to a lack of understanding and thevarious factors that affect your attitude. Theseconcepts and more are explained throughout thisbook. This book will help you understand everythingyou need to change your beliefs, attitude, and

perception. This book will also help you understandand accept feedback so you can make healthy choices.

Useful vs. Un-useful Habits

Everyone wants to be happy and successful!Those of you who struggle with this have most likelymade several attempts to change your attitude and

outlook on life. However, you continue to struggle.The reason for this is the fact that your mind easily


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Pre-step Stretch 24

with your unhappiness. It will until you train itotherwise.

Your mind can only be consciously aware of 4-7 things at any one time so it develops habits whichyour unconscious mind uses to help you functionefficiently and effectively. These habits are bothuseful and un-useful. An example of a useful habit iswhen you approach a door, look at the handle andknow how to open it. You dont have to consciously

think out the steps to open the door, because yourmind has developed useful habits for recognizing andunderstanding this process. These habits, both usefuland un-useful, are in the form of internalrepresentations, based on images, thoughts andfeelings. This whole process frees up your consciousawareness, so you can pay attention to other things.Un-useful habits happen the same way. However, theresults are undesirable.

Un-useful habits are most prevalent in peoplewho have addictions or struggle in certain areas oftheir lives. Take smokers, they have an internalprocess that results in the need to light up a cigarette,and if they resist, the result is an internal battle thatincreases their tension and stress. This process is the

same for how your attitudes and beliefs, which guideyour behaviors and actions, are so quickly acted on.Useful and un-useful beliefs operate automatically,creating continued unhappiness.

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habits.Watch your habits, for they become character.


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Pre-step Stretch 25

This means that when you are faced with yourday-to-day activities and situations, you will

automatically be in either a good mood with a positiveattitude or a bad mood with a negative attitude.Then, as you encounter people and situations, youwill automatically respond based on your habitualway of thinking and behaving. Not fullyunderstanding the process of automatic, habitualthinking, results in unhappiness and mood swings

that you feel you have no control over.Your habits in thinking have a lifes worth ofexperience, which have confirmed that they are thecorrect way to think and feel about yourself and thosearound you. Regardless of how good or bad yourchildhood experiences were, you grew up with bothuseful and un-useful thinking habits. These habitsresult in your continued struggles.

As you grew, your views about yourself andothers were continually reinforced and became beliefs.Your beliefs are very strong and you use your pastand present experiences to confirm them. If youbelieve that youarent good enough,then this message isconstant in your mind and will be true throughoutyour life experiences. You will hold yourself back, set

yourself up for failure and view feedback in a mannerthat reinforces your belief. Even when you findsuccess, you will wonder what is going to happen toruin the moment or how long before your luck runsout.


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Pre-step Stretch 26

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain isnot due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it;

and this you have the power to revoke at anymoment.

- Marcus Aurelius 121-180

Your Belief System

The most interesting fact about your beliefsystems are that they developed during your

childhood. Before you even entered adolescence andadulthood, your fears, concerns, and thoughts aboutyourself and others were already formed. Youdeveloped these by your interactions with the adultsand peers who were involved in your life.

An example of how an un-useful belief isformed is as follows: A three-year-old child wantsattention from his father, so the child jumps on hisfathers lap and interrupts him. The fathers responseis Hey what are you doing? followed by Not now


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Pre-step Stretch 27

he is not good enough for dad. Then between the agesof 3 and 6 this message is reinforced by the father and

other adults. The message then becomes, I am not goodenough and should keep quiet. The boy begins to believethis and live as if it were true, maybe forever, or untilhe learns differently.

This, most likely, wasnt the message that thefather wanted to pass onto his son. However, youmust remember it was a young child who was

processing the information. The messages youreceived throughout childhood affected who you aretoday. These messages were interpreted by you tomean something and that meaning was solely basedon the self, because early in life it was all about you;how you felt about a message, then how it related toyou, and finally how you fit into the world because ofthe message. Whether the message had a positiveintention or was an act by an unhealthy adult takingadvantage of a child, the childs perception wasinternalized, processed, and the message shaped howthe child thought about himself and others.

Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and asyou pass through them they prove to be many colored

lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and eachshows you only what lies in its own focus.- Ralph Waldo Emerson 1803-1882

A child doesnt understand the concepts thatadults do, so he believes that, Ifdad wont play with me,then he doesnt like me. Remember, this is three-year-old logic. Once a child develops a message about his

experience and encounters additional events that hebelieves reinforce it, then it becomes a belief. Over


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Pre-step Stretch 28

the matter; it just is. Having negative beliefs result inyour continued unhappiness and inability to change.

Once you have your beliefs, they will shapethe choices you make and the chances you take. Thesebeliefs become quick messages that automatically playin your mind when you think about making changesor trying new things. When the messages are un-useful they result in your being unsuccessful andunhappy. You already live by the formula for

unhappiness; it is based on your experiences and istainted by your un-useful attitudes and beliefs.Little Emileigh, my three-year-old daughter, is

able to verbalize her perception of the messages shegets from others. She also acts pretty quickly on them,too. If you think its hard to change your beliefs,imagine trying to change a stubborn three-year-oldsbelief and the resulting tantrum that may happen. Mywife and I feel fortunate that she does verbalize herperception, because it gives us an opportunity toclarify our intentions.

Here is an example: Emi is refusing to sit in hercar seat while we are driving down the highway.Finally, in a stern voice I say, Emileigh, you need tosit in your seat. Right now! She gets in her seat.

However, she begins to cry and says to her mom,Daddy said, Emileigh sit in you seat. Daddy hurt myfeelings and he thinks I am bad! It breaks my heartto hear these things, although it gives me a chance toclarify. Emileigh, Daddy is upset with you. He lovesyou and wants you to be safe in the car.


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Pre-step Stretch 29

Making sense of the formula

It is never too late to have a happy childhood.- Tom Robbins b. 1936

To fully understand the formula for happiness,you need to understand all the factors involved in theequation. When you dont understand the conceptspresented in this book it will make your attempts atliving a happy and successful life difficult if notimpossible. Once you understand the concepts, thenyou will be ready to take control over your life andlearn from the lessons in this book.

Belief is a state in which you firmly think andfeel something to be true. Your beliefs can be thoughtof as building blocks for your conscious thoughts andactions. Most interesting is that your beliefs are

generally formed early in your life. Your beliefs arenot necessarily factual or could even be proven to betrue. Since this is the case, they dont always makesense. You hold your beliefs closely to who you areand how you think about the world. Unless youclosely examine your beliefs, even though they dontalways make sense, you will just accept them as true.

It is not until your beliefs create significantproblems for you that you even pay attention to them.You dont even realize you have certain beliefs.However, they greatly influence your life andeverything you do, as they are the most importantaspect of who you are, this is because they shape yourlife, your choices, and your attitudes.

The reason is simple: because you think theyare true you act as such. If you have un-useful,


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Pre-step Stretch 30

arent fully aware that it happens. From time to timeit slips out in statements you make, such as I could

never do that; Im just not smart enough; If itwerent for bad luck then Id have no luck at all, aswell as other un-useful messages about who you areand your abilities.

Your attitudes are judgments and they go handand hand with your emotions. Your attitudes areemotional responses expressing your degree of

preference. When you have negative beliefs aboutyourself and others, then your emotional response isgoing to be predominately negative. You will have anegative attitude, which will affect your thoughtprocess, your actions, and your outlook on life.

Your attitude affects your perception,feedback, and choices. Your attitude also drives yourbehaviors and feelings. In order to feel and act happy,then you need a positive attitude. Having a positiveattitude makes for a longer and happier life. It alsoallows you to be more flexible and open topossibilities.

Your attitude toward life determines lifes attitudetowards you.

- John N. Mitchell 1913-1988

Your perception is your awareness andunderstanding of your world. It is a result of thecompilation of your past experiences, your beliefs, andyour interpretation of what you perceived. Yourperception is so strong that you dont understand how

much control you have over it, like your attitude, it isbelieved to just be what it is. Your perception is based


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Pre-step Stretch 31

What you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel ishow you perceive and make sense of your world.

Predominately, you use your sense of sight, smell, andfeeling the most. Any one of your 5 senses can triggercertain memories or emotions. You have heard storiesor have your own of how certain things can trigger amemory, like the smell of baking and the associationone makes to their grandmother, who loved to bake.

How you perceive and understand the world:- What you see- What you hear- What you feel- What you smell- What you taste

Imagine walking down a city street past a

bakery. As you pass the bakerys open door, the smellof fresh baked chocolate chip cookies floats throughthe air and you stop to breathe it in. Suddenly, youare transported back to your grandmothers kitchen,where, as a young child, you often eagerly waited foryour grandmothers fresh baked treats. You thenreflect back to what a wonderful woman your

grandmother was and a smile appears on your face.

Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it isimportant to see distant things as if they were close

and to take a distanced view of close things.- Anonymous

Well, just as the 5 senses can trigger happy

memories, they can trigger unhappy ones. When youhave negative beliefs and attitudes towards life your


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Pre-step Stretch 32

upsetting. If you have a negative attitude towardsyourself and others, then your past, present, and

future experiences will be affected by this and resultin unhappy experiences.

Human beings are part of a constant feedbackloop, which you use to navigate through life.Whenever you do something, such as interact withanother person, after you complete an action, whattakes place next is your feedback. How a person

responds to you and your actions will then determineyour next actions. This feedback loop occurs all thetime, whether you are working on a project alone orwith others, feedback must occur. Feedback isaffected by your attitude and perceptions, which inturn affects the choices you have or believe you have.

Those who are unhappy or unsuccessful donot understand the feedback process and instead useit to reinforce their pre-established misconceptionsabout themselves and others. If you think, nobody likesme and Im stupid, then your actions will reflect this.This creates the feedback loop you live your life byand since you dont understand it, it serves toreinforce your negative beliefs.

I discovered I always have choices andsometimes its only a choice of attitude.

- Anonymous

Choice is the presence of options and choosingyour mental process as you judge your options andthen decide your actions. This action can be thinking

and or it can be behaviors, usually a combination ofboth. Having choices is generally a good thing.h d d d h h


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You may truly think there is nothing you cando about it. Even when you believe that you can do

something, you dont fully understand the conceptsdiscussed in this book, so you end up with several hitand miss attempts at happiness. This results in morefrustration and confusion, as some of you give up orfail to learn from your hits.

When your results are inconsistent it is due toa lack of understanding. This lack of understanding is

related to what was or needs to be done toconsistently accomplish your desired results. In orderfor you to consistently get the results you want, thenyou need to understand how you get them. Thisbook will help you understand the formula for successand happiness as it translates into everything you do.Then you will know how to consistently get theresults you want.

You now understand what beliefs, attitudes,perceptions, feedback, and choices are. They are your

judgments and mental thought processes, whichcreate your understanding about yourself and theworld you live in. They are based on and influencedby your 5 senses, past experiences and beliefs youdeveloped along the way. They are closely related

and one will affect the others, as well as affect the endresults.

However, your beliefs are the most importantaspect of the equation and the process. Healthy andpositive beliefs plugged into any scenario will result indifferent results. Beliefs will affect your thinking,attitude, and actions determining how feedback is

perceived. Most importantly is the simple fact thatyou have control over all of these aspects, especially


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You can choose to think positively and be opento your experiences. When you choose to do this, then

you perceive things differently and enjoy them or atleast deal with them productively. You learn fromyour feedback and modify accordingly so that you getyour desired results. You are also able to recognizethe choices you have available to you and choosethose which will best help you get the results youwant.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity;an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

- Sir Winston Churchill 1874-1965

On the bottom of this page and the next page aresome scenarios, about how attitude affects others.

Which one are you? And which one do you want to be?


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Summary

Since you now have a basic understanding ofhow your beliefs, attitudes, perceptions, and feedbackare under your control and that you have a choice inthe matter, then this book will help you understandhow to live happily. You will better understand howyour beliefs are shaped, how they continue to bereinforced, and how outside influences contribute toyour issues. You will learn the various traps that onecan fall into, as well as solutions to avoid these todevelop consistent, healthy, and positive beliefs.

Once this is established you can then learn thatfeedback is everywhere, how you can learn from it,and how you use it to your advantage. The feedbackyou receive from your interactions with others andyourself is very important. It will help you achieve

success and keep you moving in the right direction. Itwill also allow you to be happy with your efforts,regardless of the initial results.

You have heard that the choice is yours andthat it is up to you. Well it is! However, if you dontfully understand this, then how can you benefit fromit? You cant. This book will help you understand the

control that you have and open your mind to thechoices you have.

This book will help you change your life, but itis not meant to take the place of other help you mightneed. It can be a stand alone method for changingyour life or it may need to be used as an adjunct toother methods. Some people need the help of

counselors or life coaches to reach their true potential.Some need medications to stabilize a chemical


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Finally, this book will encourage and motivateyou to take action. To create the happiness and

success you desire you are going to have to takeaction, you will understand how to do this and how todevelop the skills necessary for consistent success. Bythe final chapters you will understand all that youneed to, to create the life you want and the final stepwill require you to take action and create it. Youmade the choice to be happy and successful, which

resulted in the action it took to buy this book. Now,your next action is to read the book and finallyimplement the strategies in the book to create thesuccess you desire.

This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficultdays, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to

follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets towarm your heart, hugs when your spirit sags, beauty

for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten yourbeing, faith so that you can believe, confidence for

when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patienceto accept the truth, Love to complete your life.

- Author unknown


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The Chihuahua and the Leopard

A lady takes her pet Chihuahua with her on a safari

holiday. Wandering too far one day the Chihuahuagets lost in the bush, and soon encounters a very

hungry looking leopard. The Chihuahua realizes he'sin trouble, but, noticing some fresh bones on the

ground, he settles down to chew on them, with hisback to the big cat. As the leopard is about to leap, theChihuahua smacks his lips and exclaims loudly, "Boy,

that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there areany more around here."

The leopard stops mid-stride, and slinks away into thetrees.

"Phew," says the leopard, "that was close - that evil

little dog nearly had me."

A monkey nearby sees everything and thinks he'll wina favor by putting the stupid leopard straight. The

Chihuahua sees the monkey go after the leopard, andguesses he might be up to no good.

When the leopard hears the monkey's story he feelsangry at being made a fool, and offers the monkey a

ride back to see him exact his revenge.

The little dog sees them approaching and fears theworse. Thinking quickly, the little dog turns his back,

pretends not to notice them, and when the pair is

within earshot says aloud, "Now where's that monkeygot to? I sent him ages ago to bring me another


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live happily ever after now!

Documents