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Yvonne Agnello-Adams

YDAA & ASSOCIATES, INC. | WWW.YDAA-ASSOCIATES.COM

MANAGING EMOTIONS

TO BUILD CREDIBILITY: How to Gain Control Over Emotions

and Deal With Conflict Productively DAIRY GIRL NETWORK Forward TogetHER NATIONAL CONFERENCE BREAKOUT SESSION

NOVEMBER 2, 2016

© YDAA & Associates, Inc. 2

MANAGING EMOTIONS TO

BUILD CREDIBILITY “If you lose it, you will lose ‘it’…

whatever that ‘it’ may be!” - Yvonne Agnello-Adams

FIVE BASIC EMOTIONS

© Disney Pixar


DEALING WITH ANGER Use affirmations

Sit down and consciously relax all the muscles of your body

Deepen your breathing

Count to 10 (…or 100!)

Visualize yourself remaining calm, succeeding, remaining in control

Call a supportive friend and vent

Focus on the present and what you can control

Use distraction tactics

Do something that is pleasurable

Take a hot shower or relax in a hot bath

Read something funny or watch a humorous TV show

DEALING WITH FEAR 1. Be honest with yourself

2. Keep digging deeper to find the root cause

3. Be realistic

4. Tap into your proven ability to cope


DEALING WITH CRYING Push your jaw out

Distract yourself

Concentrate on your breathing

Do something physical

Chew gum or eat something

Look up

Take a drink of water

Don’t concentrate on “not crying”

Leave the room

Use aromatherapy to help calm you


DELIVERING FEEDBACK ASSERTIVELY FIRR TECHNIQUE

F – Facts

I – Impact

R – Respect

R – Request

Request starters:

“I would appreciate it if you…”

“It would be great if you…”

“Please…”

“I would prefer you…”

“It works best for me if…”

Getting buy-in: “Can we agree on this?”

CRITICISM SANDWICH TECHNIQUE

Positive Criticism Positive (focusing on behavior)

BEWARE of Verbal Erasers!

LB/NT

LB – “Here’s what I liked best…”

NT – “Next time…:


RECEIVING CRITICISM ASSERTIVELY Separate the person from the situation

Reword it in your head to focus on behavior

Assume intentions are positive, if criticism is truly not personal

Ask questions to clarify, if necessary

Assertive closing:

- Assertively disagree

- Thank the person for being honest

- Apologize and improve

KEEP DISAGREEMENTS FROM ESCALATING Be open to disagreements and different opinions

Dismiss your first instinctive impression

Manage your temper

Listen!

Look for areas of agreement

Be honest

Think over the other person’s ideas

Thank the person for his/her interest

Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem

Agree to disagree


THINKING ON YOUR FEET Maintain your composure

Listen

- “That’s a good question; can you tell me more about what’s on your mind?”

- “That’s a sound concern; tell me more about what you want to know.”

Think about what you want to say

Answer honestly and concisely

- “That’s a good question. I can get you an answer this afternoon.”

- “I can look into it and call you with an answer.”

YVONNE’S “POCKET PHRASES” Substantiate

Appreciate

Next steps

End

HANDLING REJECTION Be Teflon, not Velcro

“You think...I know…”

It’s just one person’s perspective

Get feedback and use it to improve


COMMUNICATING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

The Bully

Characteristics Solutions

• Hostile • Abusive • Intimidating • Always has to be right • Will attack if you challenge or cross them

• Keep cool (they can smell fear) • Let them vent • Address them by name and clearly state your

position • Learn to set boundaries

The Prince/Princess


• “Experts” • Appears to know more about a topic than

others • Facts are power • Want to be special and take center stage • Loves to show off

• Don’t try to “fake it” till you make it • Ask them questions • Appreciate their knowledge • Use their knowledge strategically • Give them praise/accolades

Mr./Ms. Passive Aggressive


• Takes “cheap shots” at you • Likes to undercut authority by using sarcasm • Makes indirect criticism • Avoids open confrontation

• Call them out and turn their attention and comments to the issues and not the people

•

The Big Baby


• Sees everything negatively • Frequently complains, whines, and acts

defeated • Feels no one thinks they are important

• Listen to them then point them to the facts • Address the negatives then dismiss them

logically • Direct them to more positive aspects of the

situation • In a group situation, try not to make too

much eye contact


Negative Ned and Nancy


• Negative and disruptive • Their way is the only right way • Personal creed and mission, “I told you so.” • Looks for the down side of every issue

• Be positive but realistic • Delay discussing solutions • Refuse to argue with them • Stick with the facts

The People Pleaser


• Easy to like • Overcommit themselves/staff • Can’t say “No

• Limit how much you ask them to do • Help them to say no by suggesting

alternatives

The Non-player


• Great poker face, does not reveal true motives

• Get them to participate in meetings/discussion

• Ask open ended questions

WORKING WITH NEGATIVE PEOPLE Identify the type you’re dealing with

Don’t try to change them

Try to understand them

Don’t let them be toxic


A RECIPE FOR IMPROVEMENT: STOP, START, CONTINUE

What will you stop doing as a result of today’s session? Why? What is the benefit?

What will you start doing as a result of today’s session? Why? What is the benefit?

What will you continue doing as a result of today’s session? Why? What is the benefit?

CONTINUE

managing emotions to build credibility · pdf fileyvonne agnello-adams ydaa & associates,...

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