manners for moving up
TRANSCRIPT
8/13/2019 Manners for Moving Up
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Manners
for
Moving
Up
by: Julie Yap Daza
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Why manners?
Along the way as we grow and climb the ladder of success, from
high school to college, from graduation to a first job, fromsingle and carefree, to head or heart of the family, we need
friends who add to the pleasure of every social occasion.
But we also run into strangers. Are they nice people? Should we
be nice to them? who should take the first step?
Who needs manners?
Anyone who wants to win friends and be a better friend.
Everyone realizes life can be more pleasant and enjoyable if
everyone else followed the rules. All of us can be more pleasant
and enjoyable if everyone else followed the rules. All of us
place a premium on being considerate and thoughtful of
others.
You don't need manners if you are:
1. a bum
2. a hermit
3. shipwrecked and all alone on an island
4. a convict on death row
5. an inmate in a mental institution
6. living alone and never coming out of your house7. being consistent with your lifetime habits of not ever brushing
your teeth, taking a bath, and changing clothes
8. a beggar
9. still in your mother's womb
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Hello! Hello!
Use the telephone only when you have to....whether it's your
own telephone,your office phone, or someone else's phone,
but especially when it's not your phone.
Whether you are calling or being called, keep the conversation
short. It is good manners to keep the telephone free for others
to use.
When you have dialed a wrong number, say 'Sorry.' It sounds
almost as good as 'Hello.'
On the telephone, your voice is you. Do not sound indifferent,irritated, or intimidating. If the call is not for you, offer to take a
message.
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Save Lives.
Know How, Where and When to Cross the Street.1. Use the pedestrian lane. It is usually marked w/ white stripes.
2. When there is no pedestrian lane, cross from corner to corner.
MOTORISTS MUST RESPECT PEDESTRIANS.
They come to a full stop as soon as a pedestrian puts his/her
foot on the pedestrian lane. When approaching an intersection,motorists slow down and stop for the sake of pedestrians
crossing or about to cross.
BUT PEDESTRIANS MUST RESPECT THEIR OWN VULNERABILITY.
Don't Court Danger. Don't be a jaywalker. A jaywalker darts
between cars, takes short cuts and risks his own life and those
of others.
WINDOW SHOPPING is a wonderful pastime. However, as you
browse from window to window, be aware that other people
on the sidewalk do not have the kind of time that you have.
LET THEM PASS. Be mindful of what you are doing and where
you are going so they don't bump into you or you into them.
DON'T BLOW YOUR HORN UNNECESSARILY, and don't blow
your horn when you know it's useless to do so.
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The Mall is ALL
The mall is all the church (or temple), park, and marketplaceused to be. This is where everyone goes to do everything -
shop, eat, browse, people-watch, kill time, meet friends, play
video games, keep a rendezvous.
YOU CANNOT AVOID PEOPLE IN A MALL.
This is where space, because it is so publicly shared, is
important to each and every private individual. You don't wantothers intruding into your space, any more than they want you
in theirs.
In short, let's all have some mall manners.
1. Don't hold up the queue.
2. Don't crowd; it's crowded enough as it is.
3. Don't be rowdy if you're a group.
4. Don't be a bully in the parking lot.
5. If you're waiting for the elevator, let the people inside get
out first before you rush in.
In the elevator, if you have to talk, keep voices low. Better still,
wait to get off before you begin your conversation.
Make way for others in the corridors, hallways, escalators,
stairs.
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Ladies and Gentlemen!
Introductions are a killer if you depend on complicated, old-
fashioned rules of who to introduce to whom.
The most simple rule to remember is:
THE WOMAN'S NAME IS MENTIONED FIRST.
For example:
"Lydia, I'd like you to meet David."
Or, "Lydia, this is David."
Once you know this rule by heart, it will be easy for you to
remember that the name of the older and more important
person is mentioned first.
"Sister Agnes, this is my cousin Bobby."
And, "Your Excellency, may i present to you my wife, Jane."
A gentleman stands up to meet a lady, whether she is
older or younger.
A lady does not have to stand up to be introduced to aman unless he is older or enjoys a higher rank. She does
not have to stand up for a younger person or someone her
age.
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TABOO
Gentleman and ladies don't give each other intimate gifts of a
personal nature unless they are lovers, engaged to be married,
or married to each other.
DON'T GIVE UNDERWEAR, expensive jewelry, anything that
could be misconducted.
For example, why give him deodorant unless you're trying to
say he has B.O. (body odor)?
When a man and woman are out on a date in a restaurant, she
does not tell the waiter her order. She tells it to her escort, who
will tell the waiter.
The gentleman saves the day by asking her before she has a
chance to collar the waiter.
“What would you like to have?” The gentleman asks the lady.
Lesson: Lady, wait for your date to ask.
If the waiter has not been properly trained and he asks you
instead of him, pretend you're still trying to make up your
mind. Read the menu or turn to your date and give him the cue,
"SHOULD WE GO FOR THE BLUE MARLIN OR THE LOBSTER
THERMIDOR?"
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WHO PAYS???
It's an Oriental tradition that the gentleman pays. But the lady
should understand and offer to pay if:
he is younger
he is earning less
it's a Dutch treat and everybody pays for his and her own
food and drinks.
Q & AQ. Should a woman invite a man to have luch or dinner with
her?
A. Of course. This is the 90's, remember?
Q. How should she go about it?
A. Naturally, simply and sincerely. She should state her
intention clearly, taking care not to come on too strong and
eager.
A professional reason is one of the least complicated ways to
invite a man.
For example, to go over the terms of her insurance policy with
the manager or CEO who had convinced her to buy a policy in
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the first place; to discuss securities and investments with her
banker; to acquire background information on a sensitive issue
from a news source if she is a journalist.
Q. Who should pay?
A. The one who did the inviting.
Nonetheless, most men won't let the women pay. But if he lets
you pay for his lunch, don't blame him.
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DRESS UP,
DRESS DOWN,
DRESS RIGHT.
IT IS BETTER TO UNDERDRESS THAN TO OVERDRESS.
Why?...Because you do not call attention by sticking out like a
sore thumb.
By being underdressed, you can blend into the woodwork and
hope that there are other who are similarly underdressed.
TO DRESS DOWN DOES NOT MEAN BEING SHABBY.
The truly stylish who dress down occasionally have learned a
few basic rules by heart.
CLOTHES ARE IMMACULATELY CLEAN AND CLEANLY, SIMPLY
CUT.
Simple is not plain or boring.
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Underplay colors by using noncolors - black, white, beige, tan,
navy.
Use little or no jewelry.
NIGHTIME DRESSING
When the sun has gone down and people are in a playful, after-
work mood, allows men and women leeway in the choice ofCLOTHING, STYLES, COLORS, ACCESSORIES, JEWELRY.
When daylight has faded and evening shadows move among
the light cast by moon and stars, candles, black, are
appropriate. So is a bit more daring in dressing, makeup or
grooming, and jewelry.
NIGHT IS THE TIME FOR PARTIES, the theater, a romantic dinner
set in the midst of crystal and silver. This is the time to break
the rules for dressing by day.
By day wear cotton or linen. By night, wear silk or satin.
By day wear simple gold jewelry, pearls, a classic watch.
By night, have fun and go funky, let your hair down. Go with the
glow of colored stones if that is your caprice.
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Daytime, alight perfume or cologne is preferable to a musky,
seductive scent.
By day, wear an easy hairstyle, easy to comb.
Wear all the black you want at night. Elsa Klensch of CNN says
wear black not to play but to cut a dramatic figure.
Standing Before the Mirror
1. Sexy clothes are for sexy people to be worn to sexy places.
2. You can wear black shoes with almosy aything but you
can't wear white shoes with black stockings or socks.
3. If you have to wear shoes, they must be clean and shined,
in good condition for walking. Do not stand out in them
because they're dirty, grimy, and ready to fall apart. Ugly
shoes are a sign of lack of manners and self-esteem.
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BASIC GOOD GROOMING
FOR MEN1. Clip nose hairs!
2. Clip ear hairs.
3. Snip away (do not yank) loose threads in your suits,
shirts, pants.
4. Polish shoes that need to be polished, wash shoes that
need to be washed. Brush suede - not wax!
5. Keep your fingernails short and clean.
Avoid that pink stuff they spread on parlor, it only makes
you look like a vain, dirty old man.
6. Cut your toenails, straight across.
7. If you insist on wearing an earring, choose something
small and subtle. Don't go for the Pirate of the seven
Seas look by wearing those awful gold hoops you could
put a circus animal through.
8. Always check the limbs coming out of your suit.
9. Keep everything on your chest (TIE, JEWELRY, SHIRT) freeof stains and as wrinkle free as possible.
10. Short wash-and-wear hair is fine and can definitely be
SEXY.
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If you've got long hair, tie it neatly into a no-nonsense
ponyail at the back.
If it's not long enough, gel back smoothly and show your
ears.
11. Can we all get together and pledge a total ban on long,
heavy gold chains proudly displayed through an open-
till-the-belly-button shirt?
12. Shopping for a cologne?
Bring your girlfriend, wife or special someone along.After all, she'll be smelling you (and hopefully only you)
the most.
If she likes it and you like it, the salesgirl can say "SOLD!"
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AND FOR THE LADIES...
1. DO something about your armpit hair!
Shaving, they say, leaves armpits dark while plucking may
cause infection. Hair remover doesn't get it all out and
waxing is as painful as ripping your skin off. So which
method do you prefer? ......CHOOSE AND ACT!
2. If you're one to shave your legs, please spare your
boyfriend or husband the - yuck! - agony of brushingunprotected parts of his body against something that feels
like a cheese grater.
Not shaving regularly is about as attractive as braiding you
nose hair.
3. NEVER remove your shoes in public, much less rub your
toes and ankles together while you're at it.
If you think your toes are pretty enough to be edible,
admire them in the privacy of your home.
4. Water-proof makeup in a tropical climate prevents
smudging caused by sweat.
5. Keep your hair neat and tidy, and please, keep it out of
other people's faces but don't brush it in public.
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6. Fragrance is whatever form of cologne, eau de toilette,
lotion, perfume should be subtle and mysterious. Not
overwhelming and sneeze-inducing.
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NO, NO, NO, GUYS!!
Men dress more simply than women, which does not mean thatthey have an easier time remembering a few basic rules,
starting with the NO-NO's:
1. A short-sleeved shirt or T-shirt under a blazer or coat
that's part of a suit. NO!
What goes under a jacket? a shirt with long sleeves, in
white or a pale color, plain or in the thinnest stripes.YES!
2. Loud colors on pants. NO! unless worn by clowns,
comedians and entertainers following a script.
Loud colors are perfectly all right for beachwear,
casual tops, and other leisure wear.
3. Heavy jewelry encrusted with stones. NO!
4. Sockless in leather and patent shoes. NO!
If you must go sans socks, wear sandals.
5. Printed shirts in loud colors and in silk (synthetic or
otherwise). NO!
Except at night.
6. Jens, shorts, rubber shoes, sneakers, sleeveless shirts,
collarless shirts for going to a party. NO!
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You will be breaking the dress code and your
host's/hostess' heart.
7. Necktie paired with a patterned or printed shirt. NO!
8. Necktie paired with a crumpled shirt. NO!
9. Necktie with short-sleeve shirt. NO!
10. Necktie with jeans and casual slacks. NO!
Stay Sexy, Guys!
Jeans are sexy with shirt tucked-in, if you have a tight butt to
show.
Keep two neckties, one for a powerlunch, one for dating.
The best colors for socks, and you need only
two colors, are black (for your black shoes) and
white (for rubber shoes, tennis shoes, etc..).
Socks must stay high enough above the ankles
to cover your legs when you cross them.
White handkerchiefs are better than colored ones.
Embroidered monograms were not designed to be
conspicuous.
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Wear dark suits at night, for formal
occasions, and in winter.
If you can have only one blazer, have it in a navy blue.
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LIGHT UP, LIGHTEN UP
All smokers should be courteous and respect the rights of all
non-smokers.
Minors should not smoke. No one should see them tobacco
products.
Smokers should respect the fact that some non-smokers simplydo not want to be near second-hand smoke.
Smokers can ask before they light up, "May I?"
It's as simple as that.
Non-smokers can show smokers that they recognize that
there's a place for them to enjoy a cigarette in a separate,
designated smoking area.
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First Date at the Disco
If you're nervous, so is she. So are her parents. Put everyone,
including yourself, at ease by not trying to be someone you're
not.
It helps if you're not properly attired and groomed. If you're
going to a disco, the dress code in most discos and dance clubs
is semi-formal, though this term is used loosely. Another way to
describe it is casual chic.
GUYS.
Wear a shirt with a collar, whether it's short or long-sleeved.
Slacks are better than jeans. No-no's include sneakers, rubber
shoes, and sandals. The way to go is comfortable dress shoes.Leave the baseball cap in the baseball field, please.
GIRLS.
It's simpler to say what not to wear. No rubber shoes, no
shorts, no T-shirts. Do wear whatever is in style, as long as you
can get away with it, in it, anything from the little black dress to jeans and a tank top. Flat shoes or pumps with ine-inch heels
are okay for dancing. Unless you're a real expert, stilettos could
hurt you, and not only your feet.
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Your secret weapon:
Use a good deodorant or anti-perspirant.
But avoid strong perfumes.
You'll probably see a lot of people you know. Don't leave your
date alone when you socialize. Introduce him/her to them, but
don't spend more time with them than your date.
On the dance floor, don't take up too much room.
If you don't dance too well, keep your steps simple. If you're an
expert, don't be too eager to show off.
Try not to keep looking on other people.
While dancing, restrain the urge to strike up conversation. This
isn't the time to share your thoughts about life.
Avoid marathon dancing to the point of exhaustion, or getting
your clothes soaked in sweat while you try to catch your
breath.
After two or three numbers, you should be ready to take a
break. Don't be embarrassed to say you're tired.
A disco is a perfect place for a first date because conversation islight. When you can't think of anything more to say, you can
always get back on the dance floor!
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TABLE MATTERS!
A table setting includes plates, glasses, spoons, forks andknives, napkins.
DO NOT BE INTIMIDATED BY ALL THAT
DISPLAY OF CHINA, silver and crystal.
Keep in mind that your host or the caterer has arranged the
tableware according to the food that will be served.
As each course arrives on the table, use the utensils in order of
their position - start with the outermost ones, from left side
and right side, moving in toward the plate.
No matter how complicated the setting may appear at first
glance, know that there won't be more than four pieces of any
group at any one time - no more than four glasses, no morethan four knives - besides which, as the dinner progresses, the
waiter will be taking away used utensils, course after course.
On the right, knives are placed with the blade facing the plate.
The dessert fork on top of the plate has its handle pointing left
because the fork is held with the left hand. The dessert spoon,
also on top of the plate, has its handle pointing right because
the spoon is held with the right hand.
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DO NOT BURP! If you just did, say "Excuse me."
DO NOT FART! Excuse yourself from the table and do it
elsewhere!
Excuse yourself if you have to leave the table.
Ask permission before you smoke!
Although it is permissible these days to use a toothpick, cover
your mouth with your hand when you do. Never pick your teeth
with your fingers in public. Go to the restroom to do this
privately.
Do no floss in public!