March/April 2019 – edition 7

(2nd edition)

Firstly, I just want to correct some errors in the

spelling of a couple of names from the last edition.

It’s Simon Collett, with two bloody T’s, from

south of the Yarra, not to be confused with Simon

Collet with one T, who is evidently the illegitimate

offspring of two closely related Collingwood

supporters.

It’s Youn-Shil not Younch. Sorry for that.

The words of our club team song ‘Tiger Land’

Oh we're from Tiger land

A fighting fury we're from Tiger land

In any weather you will see us with a grin

Risking head and skin

If we're behind we'll never mind

we'll fight and fight and win

oh where from Tiger land

we never weaken till the final bowl is bowled

like the tigers of old

we're strong and we're bold

oh we're from tiger

-YELLOW AND BLACK-

oh we're from Tiger land

Tiger Roar (From the Committee)

What’s the committee been up to? Realising that

both the manager’s office and the club office were

dysfunctional, the committee decided to rectify the

problem. The usual suspects, Harrison, Princess

and somebody who actually knows what he’s

doing, Dom, set about smashing down a brick wall,

applying a fresh coat of paint and hey presto, we

have a new office and committee room.

Like everything this trio of wonders has tackled,

the transformation is marvellous. Great work guys

and other helpers. Now we have an environment

conducive to having effective committee meetings.

No doubt these meeting will take minutes but

waste hours.

Being on a committee can often be a thankless

task. But we battle on regardless. However, I think

we need to clarify something about the lights.

The lights, they are happening.

In the meantime, I think it’s reasonable to reflect

on achievements. The club, well not in recent

memory, has never looked better. It really has been

transformed in to a very special place. We have an

upgraded and functioning commercial quality

kitchen. The walls have been painted. There is now

a ‘Bowls Operation’ room and memorabilia,

honour boards and the like have been dusted off,

updated and appropriately placed. The greens are

in fantastic shape and we are finally making a

handsome profit. However, we are aware this is a

bowling club and as such we will now be working

towards being successful on the field.

Accordingly, our focus is now moving towards

bowls operation and you can all expect some

progressive action on this front.

Anyway, it’s onwards and upwards to next season,

where we will continue to play the Richmond

Union way:

Be respectful

Be supportive

Be awesome

Jungle Beat (news from around the club)

Tiger paws (bowls operations)

Well members the sesquicentennial season has

come and gone with some mixed results.

The top side won some, lost some but were able to

maintain its position in Division 1.

The 2nd side had a great season gaining promotion

to Division 2. They narrowly lost the Sectional

Grand Final to Bundoora RSL The 3rd side had a

season that promised plenty but unfortunately they

failed to deliver. They were relegated and will now

face the next season in Division 4.

The 4th side tried their hardest and were able to

safely maintain their position in Division 5.

The 5th side struggled with numbers to get out on

the green every week.

However, some social members show talent and

just need some encouragement to convert to full

membership. It's Division 7 again next season

depending on numbers.

And the final mugs of the season go to

Coaches corner

In the section grand final our number 2 side played

a great game just coming up 5 shots short of

Bundoora RSL. It was close all day with Bundoora

gaining the ascendency towards the end. However,

we fought it out to the end and with only 1 end to

play there was just 4 shots the difference. Princess

narrowly missed trailing the jack that would have

given us the 4 shots to tie the game.

A 4 shot difference is effectively losing two ends

by a single shot.

A takeaway from this is to understand that every

end is important. Getting second shot can be the

difference between winning and losing on the Big

Board.

Pennant is a team game and we must learn to play

as a team and not individuals. Every bowl you

bowl contributes to your team. Remember that.

So let’s look forward to next season. Until then

let’s get together and train the house down.

At the Waterhole (Bar Announcements)

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman all

walk into a bar. Is this some sort of joke or

something?

Is the Richmond Union Bowling Club becoming

the place to be for a little romance? Recently

spotted using his best chat up lines was young

Noddy.

I’m pretty sure I heard him say to Pippa, “you

finish your bottle of wine, I’ll go home, chill some

bubbles, sprinkle rose petals and slip into

something more comfortable”.

I’m not saying Pippa was keen for love, but shit

she decked that bottle quick!

Don’t forget happy hour is every day at 5.30 –

6.30. Come down for a few cheap beers. $2.50 pots

and $4.00 schooners. Open up a tab and drink to

your hearts content.

It’s all part of our responsible service of alcohol.

And then there was a bit of bromance.

And there was of course the silly headwear.

‘Richard’, what is this?

As part of our responsible service of alcohol

policy, we have established a set of guidelines we

would like our members and guests to observe

after enjoying the hospitality of Richmond Union

Bowling Club:

Don’t add to the population

Don’t subtract from the population

Stay out of the hospital, newspaper and jail

Should you end up in jail, our advice is to establish dominance quickly.

Player Profile – Hugh Jass reporting

Chatting to Club Gun, Nicole O”Connor, it soon

becomes apparent that she’s a bad arse momma

who ain’t taking no crap from no one.

So I stopped paying attention, let my mind drift

and thought of this Beach Boys song.

Well she got her daddy's car

And she cruised through the hamburger stand now

Seems she forgot all about the library

Like she told her old man now

And with the radio blasting

Goes cruising just as fast as she can now

And she'll have fun fun fun

'Til her daddy takes the T-bird away

(Fun fun fun 'til her daddy takes the T-bird away)

HJ: So Nicole is there any truth to the rumour that

I just started that you were a bit of a rebel growing

up?

NO’C: It’s all relative Hugh, someone’s rebel is

another’s misdemeanour. Fair to say I had a

colourful life pre Jade, then I grew up - again

relative...

HJ: Is it my imagination or do you always walk out

onto the green immaculately presented, skirt and

top clean and perfectly pressed, hair in place,

looking like you mean business. Are you some sort

of control freak?

NO’C: Don’t scratch the surface Hugh, but for

competition games I feel it’s important to feel

comfortable and prepared. Also finally after the

many years there are bowls clothes available to fit

all shapes and sizes so get on board.

As for control freak - why thank you!

HJ: What’s your favourite household chore?

NO’C: Paying the lawn mower guy. Being a

control freak I was not happy with not being able

to maintain my lawn when I broke my hand, so

now I’m very pleased he comes around weekly.

It’s manicured perfectly...

HJ: Did you just say you’re paying a bloke to cut

your grass? That’s a revelation that clearly will

have the members talking.

NO’C: Does not respond, just glares menacingly.

HJ: Decides not to go any further with this line of

questioning, but thinks, ‘if looks could kill, I’d be

on my way to Tobin Brothers right now’.

HJ: So how come they call you knickers?

NO’C: It’s short for Nicole, and that I....

HJ: Oh, it has nothing to do with undies then?

NO’C: NO! I met a woman bowler with the

nickname Undies - I felt highbrow

HJ: There goes those 6 questions then.

HJ: What’s wrong with your arm?

NO’C: Thumb to wrist broken and hand bones

impacted and but on the mend now thanks to a

good doctor.

HJ: I overheard you telling Sarah that you got

screwed by a good doctor. Is this same doctor that

did your arm?

NO’C: Stop eavesdropping Hugh. What you

overheard me saying was that the surgeon gave me

2 screws and repositioned my hand bones.

HJ: I think I know what I overheard Nickers, wink,

wink, say no more. 2 screws hey? Good job.

NO’C: Say no more Hugh.

HJ: Just how’d you break the arm then?

NO’C Skiing - next question...

HJ: Skiing, it’s summertime? I heard that you were

competing in a competition to work out who is the

tallest of the shortest chic’s in the club. Just who

thought up the idea of that game then?

NO’C: There’s a mini ski group at the club and

we’ve been competing now for about 4 years.

HJ: Where beverages consumed before this

competition? Perhaps some involved might have

been over refreshed then?

NO’C: It was a warm afternoon and we were, shall

we say hydrated.

HJ: Well hydrated?

NO’C: Move on Hugh

HJ: What about an autograph then? Got a pen?

Where do you want me to sign the cast?

NO’C: I think you know what you can do with

your pen

HJ: What do you mean you don’t want me to sign

it? That’s a little weird isn’t it?

NO’C: Oh come on, you have to get out more, just

look around at all the weird shit that goes on here

HJ: Okay then, that’s clearly a touchy subject. So

where’d you grow up?

NO’C: Melbourne, Gold Coast, Melbourne - and

still growing up.

HJ: What’s your best schoolyard memory?

NO’C: So many, I loved school - I had such a great

social life. Still have many school friends in my

life those crazy bitches.

HJ: As a kid growing up who’s poster or posters

did you have on your wall?

NO’C: Duran Duran and Jim Morrison

HJ: Who do you follow in the footy?

NO’C: Collingwood born and bred.

HJ: How’s that going for you?

NO’C: Still shattered - bloody umpires

HJ: A Collingwood supporter whinging about the

umpires, how unusual.

NO’C: Smart arse.

HJ: How did you get in to lawn bowls?

NO’C: Trying to teach Jade to ride a bike along the

path near St Kilda BC, with tantrums and power

play antics I saw all these people having a good

time bowls beer and BBQ, I quickly realised what

I’d rather be doing so in I went, 17 years ago.

HJ: How’d you end up at Richmond Union

NO’C: Michael Quayle kept at me to move and in

2011 I became a Tiger

HJ: Do you know the words to the club song?

NO’C: Not really, I fumble through like many until

boldly with confidence yell to the yellow and

black

HJ: I notice a lot of clubs now have an extended

happy hour. Do you the Richmond Union should

extend happy hour too?

NO’C: what could go wrong... oh wait....

HJ: You’ve got a pretty impressive track record on

the bowling green, tell us about your

achievements?

NO’C: My biggest achievement is being part of the

Tiger Family and proudly representing the Club in

competitions.

HJ: You’re capable of beating anyone at the club.

Who do you really love to beat (stick it up)?

NO’C: Prinny of course but that’s too easy, I

would love to beat Wilko, he has my measure and

loves to rub it in.

HJ: You’ve have been a great ambassador for the

club while out doing all your regional and state

stuff, tell us about the effort required to perform at

such an elite level?

NO’C: High anxiety - but really it’s training,

training, training, mental discipline, preparation,

setting goals and a positive belief - and well fitted

clothes oh and lip gloss.

HJ: When out and about representing the club, is

the Wongy led cheer squad a help or a hindrance?

NO’C: He’s wonderful and next year at the Vic

Open we have him lined up to babysit Kumari’s

bub while Sarah, Kumari and I enter a Tiger triples

chick team.

HJ: Since you’ve been injured and not about, I

notice your daughter Jade has really stepped up to

the plate. Where you holding her back?

NO’C: I’m so proud of Jade and that she wants to

bowl and compete. We played once together when

she was only 9 - complete train wreck. I’m really

happy to see her bowl and enjoy doing well.

HJ: My hearing’s not so good, but I may or may

not have heard Jade say the other night that she

could kick your arse out on the green. Actually,

she didn’t really say anything, but I’ll run with it.

So is there any mother daughter rivalry?

NO’C: I have no doubt there will come a day

when we will come up against each other and may

the best O’Connor win - take no prisoners this isn’t

3yo athletics where everyone gets a bullshit

achievement award.

HJ: Is Wee Man (Benny Blaich) a pain in the arse

or misunderstood?

NO’C: Sweet Benny, I love him. He’s very good to

me and a bit of a laugh too

HJ: Ajay keeps banging on about bloody

Wonthaggi. What’s your favourite holiday

destination?

NO’C: Ajay needs to get out more, the northern

NSW coast to northern Sunshine Coast is my

happy place

HJ: I understand you’re a big fan of Donald

Trump?

NO’C: Oh yes, I scream Trump... you know the

Mexicans are building big staircases as we speak

HJ: Oh sorry, that was a question I prepared for

Simon Collett.

HJ: Hang on, I think this Liberal Party question

was also for Simon Collett?

HJ: Okay then, questions for you then. I’ve just

parted with some hard earned and saw ‘A Star is

Born’. It’s a bit of a chic flick. What’s your

favourite chic flick?

NO’C: Little Miss Sunshine would have to be in

my top 5 movies. Not a chick flick but if you

haven’t seen it then do yourself a favour

HJ: Name a song you once loved to bop away to,

but now never want to hear again?

NO’C: Like a Virgin

HJ: You’ve got a pretty groovy dog in Ruby. Do

you think people that like cats are strange?

NO’C: They’re just not quite all together

HJ: When playing away who do you most like to

car pool with?

NO’C: Sarah -stuff that. sooooo many funny times

travelling together

HJ: It’s the morning after they night before, what

cocktail or drink would have caused the most

damage?

NO’C: I think we all know the answer to that one -

bubbles of troubles

HJ: What’s your favourite comfort or recovery

food or drink?

NO’C: Tacos- breakfast lunch and dinner

HJ: What advice would you give to a new

member?

NO’C: Keep practicing and seek coaching, get a

mentor and know what they drink

HJ: What’s the best thing about Richmond Union

Bowling Club?

NOC: The newsletter- oh and the comradeship.

While I haven’t been able to bowl I have had so

many members contact me in support and ask how

I am. We are all mad and so unique which makes

up this crazy dysfunctional and yet fully

functioning family.

HJ: The newsletter? It is marvellous isn’t it?

NO’C: Simply brilliant!

FOOTY TIPPING 2019

And the best deal in the club is back for footy

season 2019. $20.00 to join and for that you get a

free pot every round when you do your tips. Now

that’s money well spent!

Don’t forget our weekly members draw. It’s every

Thursday at 7.00 p.m. or thereabouts.

Mullets for the Kids

Some of the more astute members may have

noticed that many around the club are sporting

hairstyles that make the mind boggle. But what is it

with all these side trimmed, party at the front and

party at the back head job features? What’s this all

about? Why are people channeling Billy Ray

Cyrus ‘Achy - breaky – bad - mistakey’ hairstyles?

Well, to many the style maybe known as the

‘Country Bumkin Shlong (short + long)’, the

‘Platypus Paddle’, the ‘Possum Pelt’, the ‘Mildura

Mudflap’, the ‘Adelaide Ape Drape’, the

‘Toowoomba Top Hat’ or the ‘Wollongong

Waterfall’.

However, around here there just known as the

‘mmm mullet’. Ahhh, the mullet, the epitome of

quintessential masculinity.

Yep, when a man with a mullet walks into a room

women go weak at the knees and those lesser men,

well, they just feel like they’ve been kicked right in

the nuts.

But what is with this stylish transition of so many

of our mild mannered male members into sex

symbol wannabees? Well, it’s not because they’re

chasing plenty of laugh in the dark action, but

membership of this fraternity does have its

privileges. No, it’s being done to raise money for

the Royal Children’s Hospital.

Club stalwart, Terrific Terry Sefton saw a need,

developed the concept and pestered people to jump

on board. And, thank God he did. Over $20,000

has been raised to date. However, we want more.

So dig deep, it doesn’t matter if you give a little or

give a lot. All we’re asking that you give.

So if the blokes around here are prepared to look

silly so you can have a laugh, it’s reasonable to

expect a donation of a quid or two.

The Almoners Report

Des Tutton reports that Muriel is on the mend.

Nicole is also on the mend. The Meadows Family

have had scare with Sandra, who will require

further tests. Our fingers are crossed and we wish

her and her lovely family well.

Hopefully, all will be back on the mat soon and

rolling them down the green.

Bill ‘Bundy’ Stewart has been in hospital and as

such sale of Cascade Premium Light has dropped

dramatically. Get well soon Bundy, we miss you.

The 2019 Victorian Masters

The VICTORIAN MASTERS shows what the

RUBC has to offer - it's just MARVELOUS!!!!!

It certainly is a huge tournament. Everyman and

his dog(s) were there for the final.

Another year, another successful tournament and

of course, another worthy Champion.

Tournaments like this don’t just happen, they take

an enormous amount of hard work. Thank you

Scooter Meadows and all of your helpers.

A special thanks to Ken Warburton for his efforts

as the official umpire and Graham Wong as the

unofficial photographer.

Also thankyou to all the members to gave up their

time to mark, score and make this one of the best

tournaments going around.

A great effort by all bowlers with special

congratulations to the guys that made the final four

(sem-finalists), Adam Fitzgerald, Dane McKinnon,

Chris leLievre and Ben Loughlin.

Adam Fitzgerald gallantly fought it out with Dane

McKinnon in the semi-final with Dane claiming

the victory and a spot in the final.

Chris LeLievre and Ben Loughlin fought out an

epic in their semi-final with Ben claiming his spot

in the final after scores were level at the start of

what was to be the final end. Fantastic.

Then it was on to the final where the two Altona

Bowling Club teammates, Ben Loughlin and Dane

McKinnon left to fight it out for the Victorian

singles Masters Championship.

It was a game worthy of any final, but there can

only be one winner and that honour goes to Ben

Loughlin Congratulations Ben. Well done.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the 2019

Victorian Singles Masters Champion Ben

Loughlin.

A truly worthy winner, who deserves his place on

the honour board.

Marvelous!

Recipe of the Month (by Con Somme)

‘Organic’ Snickerdoodles

Lost your groove baby? Well man, here might be

just the answer to your prayers. Munch away,

laugh and feel your eyes open really wide. A sense

of enlightenment is just a cookie or two away.

What you’ll need – The ingredients

1 3/4 cups sugar divided

2 teaspoons cinnamon

1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 cup butter at room temperature

1 1/2 grams of organic product that can be

sourced of one of the many people selling

stuff hidden away from normal view (some

people have used Mary Jane or even hash)

1 large egg

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

What to do with the ingredients

1) Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Lightly grease a baking sheet or cover with

parchment paper. In a small bowl, stir

together 1/4 cup sugar and cinnamon until

well combined. Set aside.

2) In a small bowl, stir together the flour, cream of tartar, and baking soda until well

combined. Set aside.

3) In a large bowl, beat butter and remaining sugar with an electric mixer on high speed

until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes.

Sprinkle in organic product (some people

use weed or ground hash) and beat until

cannabis concentrate is evenly distributed

in the butter. Beat in the egg, then beat in

the vanilla. Reduce speed to medium-low

and gradually mix in the flour mixture just

until blended.

4) Scoop out cookies, about 1 1/2 tablespoons each, and roll between your hands into a

semi-flattened ball

5) Roll in cinnamon-sugar mixture to completely coat the outside and then place

on prepared baking sheet about 2 inches

apart.

6) Bake for about 10 to 12 minutes or until fairly firm and just beginning to brown.

Transfer to wire rack to cool.

The Blazer idea.

I couple of members are canvassing the isea of a

club blazer. What do you think? Let us know.

New Club Social Shirts

Joyce has been hard at it and has been able to

source these hot little numbers. See the bar staff if

you want one. Or, talk to Joyce.

Elle Kuenneth (Wongy’s daughter), models the

new casual club shirt. Fantastic.

While we’re discussing new clothing lines, how

about a hoody?

Terry Sefton has arranged for these little rippers.

Black or white or one of each perhaps. At $50.00

this has got to be the bargain of the year. But that’s

not all, your money is going to the Royal

Children’s Hospital through ‘Mullets for the Kids’.

The Grapevine (social news)

Queen Betty has packed the little leopard skin

numbers and is planning to get away from it all.

She and the Gal Pals are off to Ringwood for a

girls’ weekend.

Talk about getting away from it all, Ringwood?

That’s clearly off the beaten track. Just remember

Betty what happens on the Girls’ Weekend, stays

on the Girls’ Weekend.

However, I have just read an article about writing

sex scenes. So if you want to tell?

BASIC BOWLS RULES YOU SHOULD KNOW 1. Mat Placement:

The first to play places the mat on the centre line

of the rink anywhere from the ‘T’ (2 metre mark)

at the ditch end and up to the hog line as desired.

2. Foot Faulting:

Before delivery a player must have one foot fully

on the mat and at delivery all or part of one foot on

or above the mat.

3. Jack / Bowl Length:

A jack must travel 21 metres to be legal while a

bowl must travel 14 metres to be in play.

4. Jack Delivery:

If the jack is improperly delivered the opposition

may reposition the mat and deliver the jack but not

play first. If the jack is delivered improperly by

both leads the jack is placed at the 2 metre mark

and the first to play may reposition the mat.

5. Touchers:

Only the delivered bowl may be a toucher even if it

deflects off other bowls before touching the jack.

6. Position on Rink:

Players at the mat end who are not delivering a

bowl should stand at least 1 metre behind the mat.

Players at the head end who are not controlling

play should stand behind the jack.

7. Playing Wrong Bowl:

Replace with correct bowl

8. Playing out of Turn:

Opposition skip has choice:

a. may stop the bowl, b. leave it and have two bowls played to

restore proper sequence,

c. reset disturbed head and restore proper sequence,

d. leave disturbed head and play two bowls; or e. declare dead end.

9. Bowl & Jack Displacement:

Numerous scenarios can arise. The opposition skip

and skips have options. The options depend upon

the cause and timing of the displacement.

10. Rink Possession:

Possession of the rink belongs to the player or

team whose bowl is being played.

11. Determining score:

Bowls should not be moved until the number of

shots has been agreed upon by the third or skip.

12. Objects on the green:

No objects should be placed on the bank, the green

or in the ditch to help a player.

13. Game stoppage:

If a game has been stopped for a valid reason and

all bowls have not been played, the end is declared

dead.

Things not to worry about while bowling

What if my dog only brings the ball back

because he thinks I like throwing it?

If poison is past its expiry date, is it more

poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

Which letter is silent in the word scent, is it

the ‘S’ or the ‘C’?

Do twins ever realise that one of them

wasn’t planned?

Why is the letter ‘W’, in English

pronounced double ‘U’, shouldn’t it be

called double ‘V’?

If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually

fewer holes in it than there were before.

If you replace ‘W’ with ‘T’ in ‘what, where

and when, you get the answer to each of

them.

Many animals probably need glasses, but

nobody knows it.

Every time you clean something, you

actually make something else dirty.

The word ‘swims’ upside-down is still

swims

Your future self is watching you right now

through memories Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper,

scissors is just as hard as trying to win

The Tale End

The Northern Territory News recently compiled

what they believe is the ‘Top Ten’ list of biscuits.

Now as educational and informative as this

newspaper is, I’m struggling to concur. In fact, I

reckon their list is bullshit. Here it is, what do you

think?

1. JATZ. a. CHICKEN IN A BISCUIT

2. TRIPLE WAFER - CHOCOLATE ONLY 3. TIM TAM - ORIGINAL 4. MALT 'O' MILK 5. DELTA CREAM 6. SHORTBREAD YO-YOS MADE BY

OUR NANA

7. TEDDY BEAR 8. KINGSTON 9. SCOTCH FINGER 10. SALADA

Yep it’s crap. Here is my response, ‘the definitive

list’:

1. Jatz crackers is a description of bodily

location on a batsman when struck by a

sharp rising delivery. Also, they’re not

available in Victoria. As for a chicken in a

biscuit, are you on drugs? We’ll run with a

Wagon Wheel.

2. Triple wafer – chocolate only. Something

that you’d expect the Country Women’s

Association to serve up to the parish priest.

We’ll go with chocolate Teddy Bears.

3. Tim Tam – original. Yep, I agree and is

there anything more likely to foster young

love than sucking a hot chocolate thru a

couple of Tim Tams with the ends chewed

off?

4. Malt ‘O’ Milk - Although bland, they bring

back fond childhood memories so I’ll run

with them. However, something in the back

of my mind says they’re too high up the

list.

5. Delta Cream I’m not big on cream biscuits,

but this is a bowling club, so, if we’ve got

to have a cream biscuit, I’ll go with a

Monte Carlo.

6. Shortbread Yo-Yo’s made by your Nana?

I’ve never met your Nana, but given the

age relationship with some of the blokes

around here, it wouldn’t be too big a stretch

of the imagination to conclude a few of

them have probably slept with the old

sheila. Consequently, I’m not eating

anything prepared by a woman that’s been

sleeping around with the blokes in this

club. So, I’m keeping it wholesome by

chucking in ANZAC biscuits.

7. Teddy Bears. Already gone with the

chocolate covered version. So I’m throwing

onto the list Ginger Nut Snaps. Yep, I’ve

always been fond of my old ginger nuts.

8. Kingston. Okay many might say not a bad

choice but I reckon they’re crap. I’m also

running out of space and I need Chocolate

Royals on the list because they deserve to

be here. However, the ritual of cracking the

chocolate crown on the forehead, followed

by sucking off the marshmallow top must

be observed.

9. Scotch Fingers – many would agree, but

they’re as boring as bat shit and this little

black duck is not having boring, bland

rubbish on my list. It’s an Iced VoVo for

me.

10. Salada - As much as I want to say ‘Bite

size, Snack size and MAN size’, it’s a

cracker and as such it’s off the bloody list.

It’s being replaced by the good old Tic Toc

with the Spicy Fruit Roll stiff not to make

it.

Time for a drink.

In the meantime, don’t forget that we a looking for

some of your spare hard earned for our Royal

Children’s Hospital focused charity, ‘Mullets for

the Kids’.