MARCUS BUTLER HELLO LIFE!88 89 THE DATING GAME THE DATING GAMELuckily there are people on hand to help you through these tricky times. Vlogs are a great comfort. My friends, the YouTuber Connor Franta, and the Australian actor Troye Sivan, both came out as gay on YouTube. Troye explained how he discovered his sexuality, and the diffculties he experienced in coming out their videos have loads of reassuring advice in them. My YouTube friend Tyler Oakley supports The Trevor Project, which is an organisation that focuses on preventing suicide in the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (LGBTQ) communities. If you go to www.thetrevorproject.org youll be able to read loads of info on the subject. There are also plenty of support groups online, such as Being Gay Is Okay or www.bgiok.org.uk which was designed to help people under the age of twenty-fve. Their site has plenty of tips on how to come out to your friends and family, plus lots of useful, life-changing advice. But if you feel you really need to talk to someone straight away, you can contact the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard who provide confdential support for people throughout the UK. They can be reached at 0300 330 0630 and www.llgs.org.uk. They might not be able to calm your mum and dad down at frst, but they will be able to help you.The Trevor Projectthetrevorproject.orgBeing Gay Is Okay bgiok.org.ukLondon Lesbian and Gay Switchboardllgs.org.uk0300 330 0630WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?OK, frst things frst. You fancy someone. This is good news. Theyre hot, funny, smart, the most gorgeous thing youve ever laid your eyes on and, undoubtedly, without question, The One. The bad news is that now youve got to fgure out what to do next. Unless youre telepathic, this Object of Desire is probably unaware of your affections, so here are some pointers that should set you on your way to asking them out on the frst of (hopefully) many dates.1 BE REALISTICSorry to be a Debbie Downer here, but you need to know your limits in the dating game. Be brutally honest with yourself. If a guy you fancy is usually drawn to the bookish indie-kid type and youre a lithe, smiley beach volleyball hotshot, he might not be interested. Just saying. 2 BUILD UP THE COURAGEConfdence is key. When I was at school it was a nightmare asking someone out. The smartphone technology wasnt there for me to firt with someone I fancied, or deliver the question. I had to do it face to face, or on Messenger after school. Now you can ping someone with your phone and its sorted in seconds. But even with that in mind, you still need to build the confdence to engage with a person youre crushing on, because asking them out cold probably isnt going to work. Youll have to build some kind of relationship with them frst (though beware the previously discussed Friend Zone!), so chat to them in class, or before a work meeting.MARCUS BUTLER HELLO LIFE!90 91 THE DATING GAME THE DATING GAMEIts important to remember at this stage that subtlety is very important. If you like someone, dont go into the conversation with a desperate mindset, where youre thinking, I like this person. I have to start a conversation with them! Your body language might throw them off and your entire game plan will have been busted. Especially if you go up to them with the line: Hi, you dont know me, but I think Im in love with you. Cringe.3 DO SOME GROUNDWORKYouve identifed The One. Youve successfully negotiated Stage Two, so now you have to fnd out a little more about your Object of Desire. Talk to them. Find out what theyre into, whether thats music, fashion, art or sports. If theres some common ground, seize it. Build up a relationship and work out what makes that other person tick. 4 FLIRTDont be scared to firt. If youre feeling a connection with someone at college or work, drop a subtle hint. Sometimes a smile across the offce is enough, or a reassuring joke when things are getting a little bit stressful during revision sessions that kind of thing. Its always good if you can make someone laugh, and if your jokes are being reciprocated, theres a good chance that this person likes you back. Never, under any circumstances, ever wink at them. Ugh!I know that with Niomi and me, it was a friend thing at frst, though we werent quite in the Friend Zone. I was always telling mates, Yeah, I fancy her, but does she fancy me? Id firt with anyone, and I wouldnt mind if they didnt firt back. Id just laugh about it. So when Niomi started firting, too, I thought, Wow, this is cool! She wanted to take it forwards as well. Our chemistry helped it to happen.OK, now its decision time. If youre feeling uber-confdent, skip to Stage Six, otherwise read onNever, under any circumstances, ever wink at themMARCUS BUTLER HELLO LIFE!92 93 THE DATING GAME THE DATING GAME5 TECHNOLOGY IS YOUR FRIENDUse it. All that stuff is vital in the modern dating game. Writing down your feelings in a text or email gives you time and space. You havent got to face someone and you can plan what you want to say. It might even be an idea to bounce your message or mail off a friend for advice frst. They can tell you whether you sound a bit stalkerish or not.There is one downside to approaching someone online, and thats the lack of reaction. Its impossible to see how someone is taking your exciting offer of a lunch date in the local coffee shop. Are they jumping for joy, or recoiling in horror? Every possible outcome will fash through your mind as you see the dreaded symbol fashing at the bottom of your text box. Get ready. Death or glory is coming your way...6 TOP-LEVEL DATING S***So you want to do it the old-school way: through proper chat. Well, congrats. Being able to ask someone out in person is great. It shows courage, and it proves you can speak about your emotions. But its also advanced stuff. Its the ninja school of dating. I remember at school, thinking, I really like this person, and I really like that person, but Im not going to ask them out. Id imagine the worst-case scenario, like asking a girl out and having her laugh in my face. Then her friends laughing in my face. And everyone in school rinsing me for it afterwards. But then I always fgured, Whats the worst thing that can happen? Seriously, if the risk of having someone reject you and laugh at you is all thats getting in the way of your journey to true love, then toughen up.Always remember the basics, though: clean teeth, have a shower, do your hair. But if the other person is into body odour and dirty fngernails, then by all means dont wash for a week or two.7 PREPARE FOR SUCCESSTheyve said Yes. Sweet! So now what? Make sure youve got somewhere to suggest straight away. Dont leave the idea of a date hanging because the other person will think youre not that serious. Instead, have something and somewhere in mind, which, if youve nailed Stage Three should come easily. 8 READY YOURSELF FOR FAILURERejection hurts, I know, and the level of pain will depend on the depth of your feelings. But you will get over it. And its important that you dont lose your self-belief. When youve been knocked back, its so easy to go into a negative spiral, to think: Great, I fancy that person, she doesnt fancy me, so that means that no one else is going to fancy me. Before long youve gone into free fall. Am I always going to be on my own? Whats wrong with me? What the hell?!The truth is, if theyve said No, think, Great one less person to waste my mental calories on. Concentrate on meeting someone who is interested in you instead, and, believe me, there are plenty of options out there for everyone.