Mathematical Jokes

This is a collection of jokes which are purely mathematical. You will not find jokes

about mathematicians or similar non-mathematical jokes. Some basic knowledge

about mathematics is therefore required to fully understand the jokes.

1. ex and x where walking along the real line. Suddenly they saw the derivative

operator in the distance coming towards them. x got really scared and said

that they should run away from there as fast as possible, because otherwise

the derivative operator will change him to a simple constant. ex just started

laughing and said that he is not scared of such an operator. So x ran away

and ex continued walking. Just before the derivative operator got hold of ex

he wanted to know what kind of a foolish thing has the courage to meet the

derivative operator like this. ex answered: ”I’m ex and you cannot hurt me,

so step aside!”. The derivative operator replied: ”Is that so? I’m namely the

derivative operator ddt !”

2. Q: Which space has a linear structure, has a norm, is complete and yellow?

A: The Bananach space!

3. Q: What is the contour integral around western Europe?

A: Zero, because all the poles are in eastern Europe!

4. Halfway through an airplane flight from Poland to USA, there was a major

disaster when the flight crew got sick and passed out from eating the fish.

One of the flight attendants asked over the intercom if there were any pilots

amongst the passengers. An elderly gentleman, who had flown a bit in the war,

raised his hand and was rushed into the cockpit of the 747. When he got there,

took the seat, and saw all the displays and controls, he realized he was in over

his head. He told the flight attendant that he didn’t think he could fly this

plane. When asked why not, he replied, ”I am just a simple Pole in a complex

plane.”

5. Another Polish airplane crashed, because an engineer was taught that for sta-

bility, all Poles have to be in the left half plane.

6. At New York’s Kennedy airport today, a public school teacher was arrested

trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set-

square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a press conference, Attorney General

John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra

movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math

instruction. ”Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,” Ashcroft said. ”They desire aver-

age solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a

search of absolute value. They use secret code names like x and y and refer to

themselves as ’unknowns’, but we have determined they belong to a common

denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the

Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ’there are 3 sides to every triangle’.”

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, ”If God had want-

ed us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more

fingers and toes.”

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