meaningful small talk: 3 steps to turning strangers to friends

MEANINGFUL SMALL TALK

3 Steps to Turning Strangers to Friends

HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL LEARN• The 4 easiest ways to start a conversation if you’re

SHY

• A framework for connecting through small talk (without preparing topics or stories)

• How to avoid awkward silences (never run out of things to say)

TheFriendFormula.com


http://thefriendformula.com


WHY THIS IS DIFFERENT

• Most social advice is written by people who don’t suffer from shyness (“be positive”, “be confident”, “listen”)

• Real, actionable steps

• Proven by psychology studies and real-world experience



WHY THIS IS IMPORTANT TO YOU NOW

• Huge cost of shyness (money, friends, happiness, health)

• Mastering small talk is necessary for success

• Shyness straight up SUCKS (even if people can’t tell)



DISCLAIMERThis is not for everyone.



THIS IS NOT FOR YOU IF…• You suffer from extreme social anxiety or clinical

depression (I’m not a licensed psychologist!)

• You have no desire to improve (static vs dynamic thinkers)

• You’re looking for tricks to manipulate people (not cool, bro)



WHO AM I?• Grew up shy

• Felt like a victim, couldn’t speak up and choose my friends

• Social in some places, shy in others

• Saw ‘dumber’ people getting more success



DECIDED TO FIGURE IT OUT 9 YEARS AGO…



NOW I…• Have a solid group of friends that I choose to hang out

with

• Can easily approach strangers and make new friends

• No longer intimidated by ‘powerful’ people

• Make more money

• Help hundreds of shy people



WHAT DO YOU HATE MOST ABOUT YOUR SHYNESS?



WHAT CAUSES SHYNESS?

1. Biology (minority)

2. Life experiences (majority)

Low social skills

Low self-esteem



SMALL TALK IS AWESOME

The best way to start conversations, actually enjoy them, make new friends, build networks, and create opportunities in your life.



1. LEARN TO TALK TO ANYONE



2. MAKE NEW FRIENDS



3. ADVANCE YOUR CAREER



4. LEARN NEW THINGS (AND TALK TO MORE PEOPLE)



WHEN’S THE LAST TIME YOU TALKED TO A STRANGER?



3 STEPS TO TURNING STRANGERS TO FRIENDS (IN 9 MINUTES)

1. Start a conversation

2. Connect (and avoid awkward silences)

3. Leave an impression



STEP 1: START A CONVERSATION



HERE’S WHAT MOST PEOPLE DO

• Try to be impressive (aka seek approval of others)

• Think of something clever to say

• Focus on what they’re going to say next

• Ask questions but don’t care



YOU’RE GOING TO BE DIFFERENT

• Actually care

• Focus on the other person (takes you out of your head)

• Think of bonding not information (“cliche is okay”)



NEXT, THE RIGHT FRAMEWORK

Cliches

Facts

Opinions

Feelings

…practice listening for these things



….OKAY, NOW WHAT DO I SAY?



4 EASIEST WAYS TO START A CONVERSATION

1. Observation of a shared experience

2. Compliment plus question

3. Offer someone help

4. Ask someone for their opinion



OBSERVATION OF A SHARED EXPERIENCE

• Comment on something you’re both experiencing

• Creates an instant bond with something in common

• Examples:

1. “This place is packed.”

2. “Wow can you believe that guy?”



COMPLIMENT PLUS QUESTION

• My favorite is complimenting something they’re wearing on carrying

• It’s something personal (but not too personal) that they put some thought into

• Examples:

1. I like your hat. What’s that called?

2. Cool shirt. Where’d you get it? TheFriendFormula.com


OFFER SOMEONE HELP

• They are literally hoping someone will approach them

• Look for people in need (look lost, bored, etc)

• Rule of reciprocity



ASK SOMEONE FOR THEIR OPINION

• Most people will say yes if it’s easy and non-threatening

• Makes them feel valued

• My favorite it asking for someone’s opinion while I’m shopping

• Example: “Excuse me, I could really use a female opinion. Which shirt looks better on me?”



RECAP OF STARTING CONVERSATIONS

• Cliche is okay

• It’s bonding over information

• Get out your head by focusing on the other person (how am I doing? —> how are you doing?)



STEP 2: CONNECT



TWO STEPS TO CONNECTING

1. Uncover their opinions & feelings

2. Relate to them



SHIFT FROM WHAT TO WHY?

Cliches

Facts

Opinions

Feelings



RELATE TO WHAT THEY SAY“That’s so _____ because ______”

• Builds a connection

• Keeps the conversation flowing

• Examples:

1. “That’s so interesting because I didn’t know that”

2. “That’s so cool because I’ve always wanted to try that”



RELATE TO THEIR FEELINGS• We like people who are similar to us

• Shows that you “get it”

• Matching and mirroring

1. Voice

2. Vocabulary

3. Body language TheFriendFormula.com


USE THREADING TO AVOID AWKWARD SILENCES

• Listen for and pull on threads

• Thread = a piece of information that interests you

Today I went to the park with my dog.



STEP 3: LEAVE AN IMPRESSION



THE PERFECT EXIT

1. Touch interrupt

2. Leave regretfully

3. End with an unfinished thought



LEAVE ON A HIGH NOTE

• Most people leave at the low point

• Exit when the energy is high to leave an awesome impression

• I like to leave in the middle of laughter



THE TOUCH INTERRUPT

• Briefly (no more than 2 seconds) touch them on the arm or shoulder

1. Creates a pause

2. Creates bonding and trust



LEAVE REGRETFULLY• Put the blame on you because you have to go do

something • Shows you’ve enjoyed the conversation • Protects their ego

• Examples• I need to go talk to…• I’m gonna go take care of…• I promised myself I would…



END WITH AN UNFINISHED THOUGHT

• People remember incomplete things better than complete things (Zeigarnik effect)

• Burns you in their mind

• Examples:

1. “Remind me to tell you about ____ which I think you’ll love.”

2. “There’s nothing really interesting I noticed about you…”



IF YOU ONLY REMEMBER ONE THING…

“Cliche is okay”

Cliches

Facts

Opinions

Feelings



WAS THIS HELPFUL?

Sign up for the FREE ‘Start Enjoying Small Talk’ Course


CHECK IT OUT!


http://www.thefriendformula.com/courses/enjoy-small-talk?src=slideshare







meaningful small talk: 3 steps to turning strangers to friends

Self Improvement