men are from mars, women are from venus: gender and communication
TRANSCRIPT
Men are from Mars, Women are from
Venus: Gender and
Communication
Dubuque Circles InitiativeLeadership Track Series
“Male-female conversation is cross-cultural communication.”
Why We Communicate
Women
Seeking connection Build and maintain
relationships with others
Talking is the essence of relationships
Men
Seeking status When it makes them
look good, strong, competitive, or independent
Communication Styles
Women
Express emotions Share personal
feelings Relate stories Listen empathically
(also called rapport talk)
Men
Competitive joking Assertive speech
that wins control of the conversation (report talk)
Differing Perceptions
Women: Connection Lens
Look for similarities to achieve connection
Try to achieve equality
Men: Status Lens
Look for differences to achieve status
Young boys try to “one up” each other
Strength of personalities means height of status
Non-Verbal Communication
Women
Direct, face-to-face gaze
Used to focus on connection
Misinterpret no eye contact as a sign of not listening
Men Avoid direct eye
contact Are still listening,
although they may not look directly at you
Misinterpret direct eye contact as a confrontational or flirtatious
Conversational Rituals
Women
Use compliments Related to the
connection dimension
Men
Use playful insults and teasing
Related to the status dimension
Small Talk
Women
Talking about personal subjects in order to give sense of connection
Ex: “How’s your family?”
Men
Focuses on information – details, statistics
Ex: sports and hobbies
Women
Men
Giving Orders
Women
Indirect Use strategies not to
appear bossy Men interpret this
as: Not being managerial Easier to say “NO”
Men
Direct Dictate orders Not bossy or
offensive Women interpret this
as: Impoliteness Overbearing
Expectations for how an authority figure
should speak is based upon men in authority If a woman is direct (masculine) she appears
pushy or bossy If a woman is indirect (feminine) she appears
incompetent
The “Double Blind” for Women
Most men and women don’t grasp that
“talking through their problems” with each other will only make things worse if it’s their divergent ways of talking that are causing the trouble in the first place
If we recognize and understand the differences, we can take them into account, adjust to, and learn from each other’s styles
This will allow us to confront real conflicts of interest
Why Is This Important?
Some Survival Tips
Women
Give ides outright without disclaimer
Be more concrete when giving orders
Men
Give compliments more freely
Use praise to temper criticism
Asks for another’s opinion to make them feel included