Mentoring in the Age of the Millennial:A Practical Guide To Best-In-Class Mentoring

Karin Hurt, CEO Let’s Grow Leaders

Mentoring in the Age of the Millennial: A Practical Guide To Best­In­Class Mentoring

Karin Hurt, CEO Let’s Grow Leaders

Preface

Ask anyone who's ever had an amazing mentor where that experience ranks in their growth as a leader, and I'd bet money they'd put their mentor ahead of any keynote, consulting program, book they've read, and potentially their 80K MBA. I say that as a speaker, consultant, author, MBA professor, and someone who's had the fortunate experience of having a gaggle of amazing mentors over the last two decades.

Mentoring, at it's best, is a magical elixir that shaves years off your learning curve through mistakes unmade. Thank God, I've experienced the transformational spirit of amazing mentors. Please God, let my mentoring continue to make a difference for others.

Great mentorship is unscripted, raw, real, trusting, challenging and kind. Great mentorship is a two­way journey. It's so human it bleeds into other areas of your life.

I've attended a funeral of a great mentor and felt like I've lost my right arm. A dozen years later, I still wonder what he would say during my most difficult times.

I wasn't the only one in the room who felt that way.

Great mentors are rarely monogamous.

Sadly, few folks I know have experienced that mentor­induced pull toward becoming the leader they are meant to become.

When I ask my speaking audiences how many of them have had a truly great mentor, it's surprisingly sad how few raise their hands. In my MBA courses, the number is even fewer. Sometimes no hand is raised.

This is our future.

As a culture, we're not mentoring well.

I think more than a handful of us are worried about this, which is why I receive so many calls asking for mentoring as a keynote topic. "How do we do this better?" "Who must we involve?" "Why isn't this working?" "What about the 'millennial situation?'"

I want you to be a fantastic mentor.

When you mentor well, there’s nothing more satisfying you can do in your career. There’s huge value in building equity in another human being and your organization at the same time.

My other hope for you is that you will experience the deep reflection and growth from having a mentor who challenges you to think differently and to become more of the leader you long to become.

This eBook is my gift to you to support your leadership growth. If you’re really interested in taking your leadership to the next level, I invite you to join me in an online multi­media journey through my course Results That Last: 7 Roles Every Manager Must Master.

In Results That Last: 7 Roles Every Manager Must Master I will serve as your virtual mentor as we work to improve your skills in 7 vital leadership roles. It’s unlike any online learning you’ve done before. You’ll get practical tools and exercises to apply immediately with your team or mentees. You’ll learn through high­energy video, a forum, and interactive assignments to apply your learning. Your course concludes with a 360­degree assessment to give you further insights to improve your leadership.

Mentoring Millennials

A working student in my evening MBA program approached me to talk about a work situation that was driving her crazy.

She gave me the gory behind the scenes view: a few apathetic employees were fully taking advantage of a system that had let them get away with ridiculous performance for too long. She was a new supervisor, but she knew what was right.

Apparently her instincts had been reinforced in our class that night. But the situation felt difficult to reverse. She shrugged and said, "it's probably because they're millennials."

I laughed, "Uh...you do realize YOU are a millennial. Right?"

"Yeah, yeah, she acknowledged, but I'm a DIFFERENT kind of millennial.

Of course she is. Every millennial is.

Whatever your generation, I'd bet money you don't feel like you fully fit the stereotype.

Don't let generational labels and stereotypes screw up your ability to build a winning team.

What Every Employee Needs

All this talk of the millennial situation is aggravating the perceived "generation gap." It happens every time a new crop of growing leaders gains traction. The truth is, the problem she was describing was not generational. It was a hard­core, poster­child example of weak expectations, exacerbated by low­reinforcement and no consequences.

I had those same slippery characters working for me when I was 26. Oh sure their names and contexts were different, but I recognized the story. Back then, I was a gen­Xer trying to manage gen­Xers (Ironically, I even had to take a course on managing gen­Xers before I could move into management). I recall telling the trainer I was a DIFFERENT kind of gen­Xer.

Of course, we need to understand and value the millennial generation. They bring insights and values we may not understand.

For example, I was all ears when my informal millennial coaches (employees in my organization at the front lines who I specifically put on my informal board of directors to tell me the truth) told me how to become more trusted and accessible to the front lines: Stop wearing a suit and heels to the call centers it was too intimidating; bring my humor to the next corporate video; and for God's sake watch some TV every now and then so I could chime in on the break room small talk. It worked.

Sure there are few things like that you can do to be more relevant to the masses.

But the truth is, those tweaks to my leadership approach didn't work because my team was filled with millennials. It worked because it was a way to meet people where they are.

That wisdom has worked for centuries.

Figure out the easy things you can change to connect better at a broad scale, but never forget that teams are built of unique human beings.

So yes, here you are looking to mentor in the age of the millennial. I promise every word I share with you will be applicable for other human beings as well.

And, the next time you're faced with a "millennial" challenge, I encourage you to resist the label and dig deeper to uncover what's really going on at the individual level. Are there skills being leveraged? Do they get the big picture? Do they feel heard? Do they feel invested in? Do they have the skills to do the job? Are they competent and confident?

We all want these things, whether we’re 25, 35, 45, 55, 65 or beyond. We want to be noticed and invested in. We all want to know we matter to others and to the organizations we serve.

Jack Welch introduced the concept of reverse mentoring, where kids teach the old guys about technology and other hot concepts. That’s a start. Matches are made and everyone learns.

I prefer to think of all mentoring relationships as reciprocal. You’re entering in partnership­­ where both of you invest deeply and grow.

All of the significant mentoring relationships in my life (whether I was officially the mentee or the mentor) have this in common. If you take nothing else from this book, know that.

The magic of mentoring is that no one is really “in charge.” It’s an exchange of two invested individuals showing up and growing together.

Try Organic

A few years ago, I was on a hiking tour of the Utah National Parks with my youngest son, then 6. After the first big day of hiking, Sebastian looked at me and said, "if we are going to do this again tomorrow, we will need some help, let's each pick 3 Pokémon to take along we can summon them up as needed. They've got some good skills that can help"

Turns out he leverages imaginary Pokémon like I engage mentors. You need more than one. Best to have a gaggle.

I have wonderful "mentors" turned life­long friends who I can rely on (and they can rely on) as needed. At this stage, I can pretty much anticipate the reaction I will get depending on who I call.

• One keeps challenging me to take weird jobs and assignments

• Another encourages me to develop my interest and practice of spirituality in leadership(ironically, because it's important to me, not because it's particularly important to him)

• Another I call when I need to be humbled, or get ahead of myself

• And, another I call when I am down and need someone to tell me I am "wonderful"

My best advice for anyone seeking out a mentor is to stop looking for “the one.” First, that seems like a lot of pressure for both of you and may just keep you from committing. Second, as I said before, great mentors are rarely monogamous, so you don’t need to be either.

The best relationships develop organically.

Invest time, energy, and commitment into real relationships with great people you stumble on throughout your career. Like any other friendship, if you keep your eyes, heart and mind open, these folks will show up.

Can you image what would happen in your organization if everyone:

• Found a mentor early

• Kept adding them along the way

• Invested time and energy into the relationship

• Cared deeply about one another

• Were deliberate about keeping the magic alive

Finding an Organic Mentor

So, you want a mentor. Now what?

Where? Who? How do you approach them?

First, let me say this. I have NEVER been offended by anyone who has asked me for career advice, or wanting to know me better.

I love to help. I have always said yes to anyone who approached me with the "M" word (although those folks usually don't stick around when they approach that way­­ it’s normally because someone told them to, or they just read a book).

Also, I have NEVER had someone tell me they were too busy to talk about such subjects. Every time I ask, I get a great story, and often a friend.

If you are feeling scared just ask. The results may surprise you.

Once they say yes, like a good first date, have a plan.

Some questions to consider in your preparation:

• Why are you here? Why did you choose them?

• What do you want them to know about you?

• What do you want to know about their story? Ask some questions.

• What is your big career plan? What are your next steps?

• What do they already know about you (what is your brand with them, with others?)?

• What worries you most­­ open up a bit

• Does this feel right? If so, ask if it would be okay to meet again.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to label the relationship “mentoring” for it to have impact. Start gently and let it grow.

6 Fundamentals to Any Mentoring Program

Whether you’re looking to mentor (or to be mentored) one­on­one, or are looking to build a robust mentoring program for your organization, start here.

I promise you. It might feel a bit contrived at the beginning, but taking time to set the right foundation works wonders. Every time I’ve seen a mentoring program implode, it was missing at least one of these vital elements.

• Establish Measurable, Specific Goals

As Covey would say, begin with the end in mind. How will you know you're successful? Determine how you will measure success. Without goals, it’s hard to steer the conversation.

• Match The Right People If you're going to get into the business of matchmaking, do it well. Consider the value of unlikely pairings (more on that later). What often works best is announcing the program, providing people with scaffolding to make their own matches, and then support.

• Get Them Started “Ready, mentor, go!” is seldom enough. Even your smartest, most creative types can get a little twitchy when asked to do something outside of their day job. I've found a half­day kick off workshop including multiple mentoring relationships can go a long way in launching them toward success.

• Establish Parameters Guidelines are vital. If you're a mentor, does that mean you're signing up to be a sponsor? How often will you meet? What will you discuss? How will you communicate?

• Give Them Something To Do In every mentoring program I've developed, I've given them easy tools and activities to them started. Organic is great, and some will throw your guidance away. Awesome. Others will kiss it and make it so.

• Consider Alternative Models I'm a big fan of alternative mentoring models: speed mentoring, mentoring circles, peer mentoring, and reciprocal mentoring all work well. We’ll dig in a little here as well.

Establish Specific, Measureable Goals

When companies come to me and say they want to develop a formal mentoring program my first question is “why?” It usually takes at least 2 or 3 more “whys” to get to the real answer.

Understanding your true intentions will make it easy for you to establish your program goals.

Just because mentoring feels on the softer side of the work you may do, doesn’t mean your goals don’t need to be SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely).

Sample program goals could be:

• To improve employee engagement (as measured by an increase of at least 5% on our annual employee opinion survey within the first year)

• To reduce new hire attrition by 10% within the first 6 months of the program.

• To increase the number of women in our sales management roles by 10% within 1 year of the program.

• To move at least 3 managers into cross­functional assignments within 18 months of the program.

Take some time at this stage and ensure alignment. Formal mentoring programs require a significant investment to do well. You’ll have more engagement when your stakeholders can see a clear ROI.

Match the Right People

Who you match depends a great deal on the objectives of your program. In formal programs I find it’s best to bring several layers of diversity to the mix­ pairing people who might not otherwise naturally hang out.

It can also be quite effective to have mentees find their own mentors (organically) and then benefit from the structure of your program resources.

The most creative way I’ve matched folks people is through speed mentoring—think speed dating.

Potential mentors and mentees get in a room and each take 5­10 minutes rotating through a series of potential matches. Mentors and mentees come prepared with a short list of questions.

Questions I’ve seen work well include:

• "What's my "brand with you?"

• What's the biggest mistake you ever made?

• What makes you fail?

• What are you working on developmentally?

• Did you ever take a job that was a bad fit? What did you do?

• What characteristics are you looking for in a leader?

• How do you think I am doing?

• Just what makes you so passionate about leadership development?

The benefits of this extend beyond the matchmaking, as each participant gains exposure to several people they may not have met before.

At the end of the session, mentors/mentees write down 3­5 people they would like to consider being matched with, and then the program coordinator works to make the pairings.

Chemistry matters and it’s helpful to give the participants some choice in which they work with.

Get Them Started

I’m a big proponent of including a half­day workshop for mentors and mentees to jump­start the relationship. It ensures they have at least one substantial meeting and it “forces” them to have some of the initial conversation that might feel more awkward in a less formal context.

Again, what you include here will vary depending on your program objectives. Some potential topics include:

• What is mentoring?

• The roles of mentors/mentees

• Expectations/setting parameters

• The difference between a mentor and a sponsor

• Setting goals for the relationship (SMART applies here too)

• Reviewing/building development plans

• Creating an action plan

Establish Parameters

In any relationship, conflict almost always stems for expectation violations. Although it can feel awkward to discuss parameters up front, it can be very useful to spend a few minutes discussing norms and boundaries for the mentoring relationship.

In most formal programs this is called “contracting” although I prefer the term “agreement.”

Important discussion points include:

• Mentoring does not guarantee sponsorship (i.e. I’m going to help you to grow, not necessarily advocate for your promotion)

• Duration of the formal mentoring relationship

• How often you will meet

• Where you will meet (by phone, in person? video?)

• Best ways to communicate outside of formal sessions

• Types of topics you will discuss

• Anything that’s off limits

This does not have to be overly rigid, but some level of discussion up front can go a long way in reducing frustration and improving the quality of your relationship.

Give Them Something to Do

Some mentoring relationships just take off, and don’t need any structure or tools. Some mentors/mentees have no desire for a guidebook or exercises and will leave your suggestions unopened. That’s fine.

I’ve also found that when I had out a mentoring resource book to mentoring pairs some breathe a visceral sigh of relief.

It’s best to customize this for your organization.

Resources could include:

• Starter Questions

• Roles

• Mentoring Agreement Template

• Goal Setting Template

• Development Planning Template

• Exercises (for some exercise that work well download my free Talking Teams HYPERLINK "http://letsgrowleader.com/publications/taking­teams"eBook HYPERLINK "http://letsgrowleader.com/publications/taking­teams")

For example starter questions to include:

• What are the things that excite and energize you about your work here? What are the things that drain or frustrate you about your work here? What have you done to reduce this frustration?

• If you were a super hero, what powers would you have? How would your powers help our company?

• How is your work/family balance? If not satisfied, what are you doing to change it for the better?

• How many people on your networking list would leave their position (or company) to join your leadership in a new department or company?

• What is your "sound"? How do others perceive you? For example, a Harley Davidson has a unique sound that differentiates itself from other motorcycles. What is your business? How would others describe you? Would they know this first time you met?

• What are some of your outside interests? What are the skills you are leveraging in these outside interests?

• What is your marketing or sales approach?

• We are at your retirement celebration. What position do you hold that you are retiring from at this time?

Consider Alternative Models

One on one mentoring is great, but it requires a significant time to do well.

Many companies find value in alternative models.

Mentoring Circles

My very favorite of these is mentoring circles.

In a mentoring circle, the mentor takes the role of “guide” for a small group of mentees learning together. This can be done either as a with folks outside of the normal chain of command, or as a skip level experience within a team (e.g. a Director meeting with a group of frontline managers)

Mentoring circles provide the advantage of scale—more employees can participate with the same number of mentors. Of course there’s also the added benefit of participants learning from one another.

Over the years, I have had a lot of fun running skip­level mentoring circles within my own teams—working with 8­10 high potential managers by working together.

We would talk about the business and would all share the challenges we are having, as well as best practices to address them. From time to time, we would also take “field trips” to struggling areas of the business and offer support.

Sometimes I would include an action­learning component, where participants would work on a project together.

This approach helped me to share my vision, work on work, and really get to know the managers in a deeper way.

Mentoring Moments

Sometimes it can feel overwhelming to commit to becoming someone’s mentor. If a full commitment feels like more than you can handle try this.

Instead of saying, "yes! I'll be your mentor," or "I'm sorry, I can't at this time," how about a simple, "I'd be happy to talk with you." Keep it natural. Find time to connect. Figure out why they thought of you. Help where you can. Connect them to others who can support.

If it makes sense to set a follow­up, do that. Don't get stuck mentoring past helpfulness. Growing leaders can benefit from a series of mentoring moments with a broad spectrum of leaders. You will learn from these moments too.

Tips for a Making Great Mentoring Moments

• Ask lots of questions

• Work on a specific skill

• Pull out the answers

• Provide information and encouragement

• Help them ask "why?"

• Dust them off when they fail

• Encourage self­reflection

• Serve as sounding board

• Remove obstacles

• Uncover resources

• Create additional connections

10 Mentoring Moment Sentence Starters

• Have you thought about?

• What do you think would happen if…?

• Why do you think that happened?

• Who should you involve?

• When is the best time to do this?

• Why are you pursuing that approach?

• Which are the most important goals?

• What will happen next?

• Why does that make you so angry?

• Who can help?

Sponsors

Your mentor can help prepare you for the next level. Your sponsor puts their name on your career and advocates for you.

Mentors prepare. Sponsors promote.

A sponsor may...

• Suggest your name for new opportunities

• Defend your decisions

• Speak up the loudest during succession planning discussions

• Invest their own political capital in your success

Research shared in the HBR article, The Relationship You Need To Get Right, reinforces the importance of handling both sides of a sponsoring relationship with care.

“We conducted three national surveys of nearly 4,000 professionals in large corporations, held focus groups with more than 60 vice presidents and senior vice presidents, and interviewed nearly 20 Fortune 500 executives. The best sponsors, we found, go beyond mentoring. They offer not just guidance but also advocacy, not just vision but also the tactical means of realizing it. They place bets on outstanding junior colleagues and call in favors for them. The most successful protégés, for their part, recognize that sponsorship must be earned with performance and loyalty—not just once but continually.”

Herminia Kirby shares more about the difference in her HBR interview Women are Over Mentored But Under Sponsored.

“When we use the term sponsoring, we focus in on that one specific function of mentoring, which may or may not be a part of a relationship. And sponsoring really is a very targeted thing. It has to do with fighting to get somebody a promotion, mentioning their name in an

appointments meeting, and making sure that the person that you're sponsoring gets the next assignment, and gets visible and developmental assignments.”

How to Find a Sponsor

Having several solid mentoring relationships will help you on your road to finding a sponsor. While mentors at every level of the business are valuable, it helps to have one or two people at a senior level looking out for your best interest. You can help attract sponsors by...

• Building a strong track­record of results

• Working to deepen your mentoring relationships based on mutual support

• Seeking out special assignments and volunteer for more

• Seeking out opportunities to present at the senior levels

• Mentoring and sponsoring others

• Having an updated elevator speech

If you think your mentor may have turned into a sponsor, ask. It’s important to know where you stand. Either way, the feedback will be valuable.

Reciprocal Mentoring

Jack Welch popularized the concept of “reverse mentoring” where younger­tech savvy employees are paired with seasoned execs to teach them what they know. This can be a useful model if done well.

I prefer to call it “reciprocal mentoring” emphasizing the two­way nature of the relationship (although quite frankly any good mentoring relationship should feel like this).

Effective pairing is vital here, with deliberate matching for the knowledge and skills you are most looking to cultivate.

What’s Most Important

The truth is mentoring is not hard. It doesn’t require a program, tools or techniques. Sure all that helps, but my best experiences over the years didn’t have any of that support.

Great mentoring comes when two people invest deeply in one another’s growth. Begin with that intention, and the magic will follow.

About Karin Hurt

As a keynote speaker, leadership consultant, and MBA professor, Karin helps leaders improve business results by building deeper trust and connection with their teams. A former Verizon Wireless executive, she has over two decades of experience in sales, marketing, customer service, and human resources.

A few highlights from her time at Verizon include:

• Developing a sales team (1.5B in Revenue) that led the nation in store sales to the small and medium business space and winning the President’s award for Customer Growth

• Transforming customer service outsourcing (96M calls/year) to reach parity in quality with internal centers by building strong cultures that deliver positive customer experiences.

Karin was named on the American Management Association 2015 List of 50 Leaders to Watch, Inc’s list of 100 Great Leadership Speakers For Your Next Conference, and Trust Across America’s 100 Thought Leaders in Trusted Business Behavior.

Her award­winning blog, Let’s Grow Leaders, has grown into a highly interactive, international community. Her book, Overcoming An Imperfect Boss is available on Amazon. Her next book, Winning Well will be published through AMACOM in the Spring 2016.

Karin has a BA in Communication from Wake Forest University, an MA from Towson University in Organizational Communication, and additional graduate work at the University of Maryland, where she currently teaches in the MBA and Executive Education programs.

Karin lives in Baltimore with her husband and two sons. She knows the stillness of a yogi, the reflective road of a marathoner and the joy of being a mom raising emerging leaders.

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE!