Patreon Management Offsite

Joe Greenstein & Saran Chari

January 15, 2016

Why are we here?

One Big Idea

INTENTNeeds

Motives

Stories

Reality #1

BEHAVIORVerbal

Non-Verbal

Reality #2Common

IMPACTAssumptions

Feelings

Responses

Reality #3

The Net

3 Realities (The “Net” Model)

Feelings & Emotions – Why??

Everyone feels them;

we just pretend we

don’t.

Convey crucial

information; absence

of emotion leaves

out half the story.

Emotions indicate

importance. Most

powerful motivator?

Crucial to decision

making

Feelings & Emotions – Why??

Disclosure & Vulnerability

Self-Disclosure

Will I be less liked,

respected, influential

(leader-like)?

Is it relevant? Will it further the discussion – the

relationship?

Will others use this

information against me?

How will others

see/assess/ judge me?

“What in

my ‘bubble’

should I

share?”

Self-Disclosure

“ VULNERABILITY ISTHE BIRTHPLACEOF CONNECTION. ”BRENÉ

BROWN

Authentic Leaders

“The single factor distinguishing top

quartile managers from bottom quartile

managers was strength of affection.”

--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”,

Kouzes & Barry

Authentic Leaders

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

Team & Culture

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

What Makes an Effective Team?

1. Participation

2. Collaboration

3. Cooperation (Commitment)

Research: All of these are correlated to

Group EQ

“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

“I’m starting to

feel defensive”

Inward

(my emotions)Outward

(others’ emotions)

Emotional

Awareness

Emotional

Management

(“Regulation”)

“He seems to be

getting agitated”

• Take a deep breath

• “Could you give

me a sec?”

• Take a walk

“Are you ok?”

EQ (Individual)

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

Inward

(Our Team)Outward

(Other Teams)

Emotional

Awareness

Emotional

Regulation

EQ (Group)

High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group

Group norms

determine group EQ

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

Group EQ

Working AgreementsWhat makes a good manager?

• Job performance

• Job satisfaction

• Retention

• Absenteeism

• Happiness, Health Care Costs, Etc.…

“People don’t leave jobs, they leave managers”

Working AgreementsDoes being a good manager matter?

Working AgreementsSaran’s Story

“If done well, management is among

the most noble of professions.”

-Clayton Christianson

• Care for and value their employees as people

• Set clear goals and expectations

• Are good coaches

• Provide timely and relevant feedback

• Listens well and shares information and context

Working AgreementsThe research shows that good managers…

Business Goals/Needs

Employee Goals/Needs

Working AgreementsWhat do managers do?

Management

• What is the context?

• Business Needs

• Employee Personality

• Task relevant maturity

• Skill / Will

• Some Mgmt Style Models:

• Instruct

• Guide

• Empower

• Challenge

Working AgreementsGood Managers use different styles

1. Take your seat

2. Don’t solve problems, build problem-solving systems

3. Manage in 3 directions

4. If not spending most time communicating you are doing something wrong

5. Share context, not just information

Working AgreementsTransition to a manager mindset…

What is coaching?

Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to

maximize their own performance.

It is helping them learn rather than teaching

them.

Teaching vs Coaching

Benefits of Coaching

1. Give-a-Fish vs Teach-to-Fish

2. Coachee feels valued and believed in.

3. Self-driven goals are more motivating

4. Manager gets valuable info

When to use / not use coaching

DO Use:

• Working with high-potentials

• Working with knowledge

workers

• When commitment trumps

control

• When issue is about managing

relationships

Don’t use:

• With chronic underperformers

• When you DO have the answers

• When task control more

important than commitment

• When you don’t believe

coachee can’t achieve goal

What makes a good coach?

• Presence & Mindset

• Listening

• Powerful Questions

Ask powerful questions

• Avoid advice hidden as a question – “have you

considered….”

Grow Model

• Goal = What do you want?

• Reality = What’s happening now?

• Options = What can you do?

• Will = What will you do?

Feedback & Influence

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityWhy is Feedback Important?

1. Personal Development

2. Team Effectiveness

3. Stronger Relationships

Bottom Line: Feedback is how we grow

Photo: Robbie Grubbs

Can I give you some feedback?

Photo by State Farm [link]

Social situations ≈ Physical threats

Threat Response

So… how do we communicate feedback

while minimizing defensiveness?

INTENTNeeds

Motives

Stories

Reality #1

BEHAVIORVerbal

Non-Verbal

Reality #2Common

IMPACTFeelings

Reactions

Responses

Reality #3

The Net

The Net (again)

Feedback

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback

• Focus on specific, observable behavior

When you do [x]…

• Describe the impact of that behavior on you

I feel [y]…

• Ask about the other person’s motives or

intentions

Can you tell me what’s going on for you?

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…

1. Saran, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.

2. Saran, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are

clearly bored with this presentation.

3. Saran, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am

feeling anxious about whether I am doing a good job with

this presentation.

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback

When you do [x]…

I feel [y == emotion] that / like

And my story is [z].

Can you tell me what’s going on for you?

Photo by Ana Karenina [link]

1:1 Feedback

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Receiving Feedback

• Look for “Grains of Truth”

– Learning is better than being right

– Goal is understanding, not winning

• Listen and ask clarifying questions

• Acknowledge your feelings

• Gift mentality

– Say “Thank you!”

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Complimentary Feedback

• Give more!!!

• Do not praise to buffer criticism

– Avoid “The Sandwich”

• Do not praise to overcome resistance

• Avoid platitudes. Be specific:

– Weak: “Joe, you’re killing it.”

– Strong: “Joe, I’ve noticed you’ve been on time to almost

every meeting this week. I feel grateful for the extra effort.”

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Constructive Feedback

• Assume good intent; be curious

• Use a soft start

– Emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:

My intention is…

When you do [x], I feel [y].

• Be aware of your own stress

• Goal is joint problem solving

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback

• Work Product

– Timeliness, quality, quantity, focus area

• Communication & Management

– Too much/ little, choice of format, email etiquette, language choices, communication style in front of others, transparency of project status, hiring/firing/promotions

• Role Modeling & Presence

– What energy do you feel from this person, How do they impact others? What do they model well? Anything you worry about? Arrival/departure times, attire, how they speak/listen/act?

Thanks, good-bye, and stay on

your side of the net