mindful masculinity - the m5i-c framework

7/31/2019 Mindful Masculinity - The M5I-C framework

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Mindful Masculinity The M5I-C system

CM. Cooper 2012 all rights reservedwww.undercover-coaching.com

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Christina Melanie Cooper 2012

Published 2012

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may bereproduced, stored in a retrieval system, transmitted or

utilized in any form of my any means, electronic, mechanical,

photocopying, recording or otherwise, without permission in

writing from the author, other than fair use in the format of

quotations for reviews and references.

But if you like it, feel free to share it with anyone you want in its originalformat.

In fact I encourage you to ...

CM. Cooper

Nrregade 63

5000 Odense C

Denmark

ISBN 978-87-995276-0-2


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The M5I-C system


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The M5I-C systemContent

The 4Cs ....................................... 6

I-01 IGNITE .................................... 9

I-02 ILLUMINATE .............................. 11

I-03 IMPROVE .................................. 14

I-04 INTEGRITY ................................ 16I-05 INTEGRATE .............................. 18

Contact ........................................ 21References .................................... 22

A blank page for your personal notes ........ 23More Mindful Masculinity..................... 24


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The four C'sCuriosity CompassionCongruency & Courage

The four Cs are values. Core level values. In the M5I-C system, these

are the ignition values. They are also personal qualities. Worthcultivating for anyone aspiring to be a Mindful Male.

Mindful masculinity is about RECLAIMING your power as a

Man. The M5I-C is a structured method for doing this. It's not rocket

science, but it does take work. Hard work.

Do not think the term mindfulness only refers to sitting on a fancy

cushion staring into a wall, or a method for dealing with stress.

Meditation is boring as fuck, when you are doing it right.

It takes courage to be a mindful male. It takes courage to sit down,

shut up and be present with whatever is there.

Most human beings would much rather jump of a cliff, than sit

perfectly quiet for 20 minutes, if even that long.

Hot boredom is a term for the feeling of itchiness and wanting to

find some pleasant distraction from experiencing what is really there.

In your mind.

Right now. Clearly.

Cool boredom is the experience of allowing presence to unfold.

Breath by breath, moment by moment. As it is. Perfectly natural.

Supernatural in the sense of extra-ordinary. Perfectly ordinary. Not

exuberantly blissful and nothing to be afraid of.

Taking full responsibility for whatever is there. Whatever comes up

and needs attention. Doing what you have to do.


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Meditation teacher David Nichtern phrases it like this:

Somehow, we might think that meditation will make us feel good

and make our life go more smoothly, and in a way that is true.

From that point of view, it is like seeing our house, how basically

workable it is, how comfortable it is, how good it is to have it.

However, our practice will also bring to the surface that which has

been hidden - to be seen, to be known and to be purified.

This part of the process is more like taking a fresh look at our house,

seeing the mess, seeing the dirt, and undertaking to clean it up.

Compassion, courage, curiosity and congruency are values a Mindful

Male lives by. He seeks to connect with women who are aligned with

these values. He desires to cultivate compassion, curiosity and does

so with courage.

When he connects with women, he does so through Passion, Purpose,

Playfulness and Presence. Authenticity. In my ebook 7 Keys to

Sophisticated Seduction I dive deeper into how that translates into a

framework that inspires to flirt, seduce and connect with authenticity.

Know yourself, is Key #1. Get a grip of your values. This is what

makes a man truly attractive. Nevermind the bollocks. In a word we

do not hear very often:

Virtues.

Compassion is a virtue worth cultivating, not coincidentally the

number one virtue that in all major religious practices as well in

numerous philosophies is regarded amongst the greatest of personal

virtues a human being can posses.Your level of self-esteem and sense of self-worth will skyrocket,

when you start practising compassion and kindness towards others.

Consistently and congruently.

Yes, even the people you do not feel deserve it.

Actually, especially those. Not being a doormat, but simply refraining

from biting the hook and playing other peoples games. Not letting

your Ego play you at your own games.


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Cultivating curiosity daring to explore your inner as well as yourexternal world, is what at the very CORE level separates men who

live on autopilot and those who are Mindful Males.

Courage = fearlessness is at the root of what makes a Man attractive

to women and respected among men. Respected by women too.

Fearlessness, is not being free from fear. REAL courage, is being

scared shitless but you do whatever you need to do, all the same.

The foolish child-version is the devil-may-care and I don't give a

fuck attitude, that places other people in danger and serves no otherpurpose than making one person look cool and lets other people feel

either worried, embarrassed or uncomfortable. That is not courage,

that is just being immature and stupid.

The kind of courage HEROES are made of, is compassionate

courage. Saving a life, is courage. Choosing the way of the Warrior,

not the worrier is courage.

Aligning with your Passion and Purpose is courage.

Congruency: consistently aligning your values, virtues and wishes

with your words and actions. Keeping aligned. Focused.

Being consistent, in the face of challenges that may seem difficult and

prompts you to want to give up, go home and destroy all evidence

you ever tried. Facing your deepest fears. Your TRUE fears, not the

silly stories we all tell ourselves on a regular basis.

All human beings fear dying. We all fear being alone, not seen, not

heard and not being loved for who we are and the virtues we value

and the qualities we posses. Seeking to connect with others, withauthenticity all the same.

Knowing you may not find what you seek at first. Knowing you may

think you have found it, and it does not work out anyway. Daring to

learn what you need to learn from the experience.

That is courage.

Being truly PRESENT with yourself, seeing clearly - is courage.


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Ignite!Is another word for making fire, you know an engine needs ignition to

get moving, here IGNITE simply means:

Align with your Passion, Purpose and get your ass in gear.

Do you know what your true passion is?

What your purpose in life is?

If not, start here.

What would you like to be remembered for, when you are gone?

The Mindful Male is aligned with his Passion & Purpose every singleday. It is what makes him get out of bed in the mornings. It is what he

lives and breathes for.

The Mindful Male is not satisfied with just having interests and

getting by. He lives for passion and with passion.

He has a purpose, and he is not afraid to show it.

He seeks out the company of others who live with passion, purpose

and presence. He strives to live congruently with the values that

supports his passion & purpose. A good way of aligning yourselfwith passion and purpose, is by taking a few minutes to think about

your own CORE values.

Use the framework presented in the exercises available on my website

to elicit your own core values, and align your DAILY actions with

these. No excuses, no bullshitting around.

Use the 4C's Think about how these qualities translate into action.

Get curious. Get the sparks flying. Get real.


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Get the FIRE in your heart burning.

You only have one life.

What is it going to be?

One of those, where on your deathbed you are thinking if only .. and

what if .. -?

Or one of those, where every single night, you go to bed and drift off

into a peaceful state of rest and restitution.

Safe in the knowledge that you have done your very best to live as

congruently, passionately and playfully present with as much

compassion as you possibly could?

Constantly improving, what needs to be improved and burning away

the waste and excess with a sharp torch of intelligent illumination?


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I-02

IlluminateDo you want to shine like a star? When your presence is ignited

with curiosity, courage, passion and purpose, it is hard not to let that

shine through your communication and be attractive.

Putting on a fake persona of awesomeness is like trying to make a

wet blanket look like a bonfire. You can do all sorts of shit to it with

smoke and mirrors, but at the end of the day, its still just a wet blanket.

So get your base in order, and start illuminating your presence. For

real. Shed some light on your dark sides. I am not just talking about

limiting beliefs although these might well be a part of the

illumination process. Limiting beliefs, however, are only symptoms.

You want to get to the ROOT of whatever issues and challenges you

may have. Get a grip on them and dare to explore.

I am talking about your SHADOW, as defined by Carl Jung:

A man who is possessed by his shadow is always standing in his

own light and falling into his own traps, living below his own level1

Ask yourself: what are you not so proud of, in terms of the way you

think, feel and the way you move through the world?

Face it, deal with it and work on it. Improve what needs to be

improved. Confront whatever ghosts you may have in your past.

Make peace with them, and they will stop bothering you and

sabotaging you in your path and on your endeavours.

Skeletons in your closet? Get them out in the open.

1 Jung, C.G The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious p. 123


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Illuminate your weak points.

What frustrates you?

What can make you lash out in anger?

What makes you feel down?

What makes you want to hide away and be afraid?

When?

Why?

How?

Practice not setting up the target2

, for others to provoke you intoreacting with aggression. Dare to feel before you act.

Face your fears of not being good enough or your fears of being

powerful beyond your wildest dreams.

"The shadow personifies everything that the subject refuses to

acknowledge about himself.

If and when an individual makes an attempt to see his shadow, he

becomes aware of (and often ashamed of) those qualities and impulses

he denies in himself but can plainly see in others such things asegotism, mental laziness, and sloppiness; unreal fantasies, schemes,

and plots; carelessness and cowardice; inordinate love of money and

possessions3

Face reality.

We all have a shadow. Dont be afraid of it. Your shadow is where the

insight into how to live a life of love, light and passion is at.

According to Jung, our shadows manifests in our dreams. Often in the

form of a woman (for men) and in the form of a man for women.

But it may also manifest in the form of abstract nightmares, dreams of

encountering mythical beings, stormy weather, even inanimate objects.

Lucid dreaming, is a valid method for working with your shadow.

2 Chdron, Pema Start where you are p.13 Jung, C.G The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious p. 284


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Your shadow is where you harbour resentment. It is where your anger,disappointments and regrets have been allowed to fester and go septic.

Your shadow is where you keep your deepest, darkest fantasies.

The shadow is powerful when we ignore it. It is even more powerful

when we repress it. When we form intimate relationships with others,

our shadows tend to collide.

If you have no clue as to what is really going on, you may think

something is wrong with either you, or the other person. You may be

prone to simply running away, if you are fearful of confronting yourown shadow.

The behaviour dictated by your shadow, may even feel like a safe

place. Retorting to aggression and / or aloofness, instead of

embracing kindness and compassion.

Deeper relationships of any kind are impossible to maintain, when the

shadows of your subconscious mind is not addressed and dealt with,

but rather actively repressed.

The way in which you choose to relate, connect and dis-connect with

women, tells you a lot about your shadow.

Nothing mysterious about it if you have resentments against your

mother in any way or form, this IS going to influence the way you

connect and dis-connect with women.

How you treat them, how you relate to them how you love them, or

fail to show them that you care. When you connect with a woman, you

are also connecting with your Self, your ego, your anima and your

shadow.

Whenever you are seducing a woman, you are ALSO seducing

yourself.

Approach with curiosity, compassion and courage.

When you dare to illuminate your dark side, it becomes workable.

You can even make friends with it. Let it serve and not sabotage you.


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ImproveConstantly, with compassion and curiosity.

Ask yourself on a daily basis How can I improve?

Look at your goals, dreams and ambitions and use a structured method

for measuring your progress. Challenge your motivation.

Improve your capacity for critical thinking. Question everything.

Notice your own languaging. Notice the languaging of others.

Metaphors are the gateway to the subconscious. Your choice of words

displays your values. Sometimes strong and other times subtly.

Mind your language when you adopt the metaphors of others,

without questioning the values they are displaying, you are

programming your mind with THEIR values. Question them.

You integrate the values of others into your subconscious mind, by

adopting phrases, metaphors, definitions even innocent slang-

expressions and subculture specific terminology.

Make sure they are aligned with your own core values, before you

adopt them and integrate them into your own mindset. If not, improve

on the ideas and concepts by using the words that express YOURvalues.

Practice observation, rather than falling short of accurate perception

by layering on assumptions on interpretations that may or may not be

accurate.

Challenge your beliefs. Challenge your awareness filters.


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Challenge your habits improve on the way you choose to stayhealthy, the way you choose to learn new skills.

Challenge the beliefs you have around the skills you are choosing to

improve on. Beware of what you become, in search for what you

desire. Question your ultimate goals.

Focus on what WORKS, and discard any habits that do not serve you.

Cut away the bullshit and the faulty logic from the conceptualisations

you may have about how things really are, that may well have been

inherited from someone else, who based THEIR ideas and theories onfaulty logic, and assumptions based on sloppy thinking.

Be curious about how you think, feel, relate and connect with others.

Be curious about how OTHERS think, feel, relate and connect.

Improve your way of dealing with negative emotions. Improve your

way of dealing with positive emotions. Allow yourself to feel

pleasure, enthusiasm, happiness, sasisfaction, fulfilment JOY.

The Mindful Male knows that at the root of ANY negative state of

mind, is a basis of clarity, compassion or equanimity.

Improve by learning how to access a CLEAR state of mind.

Use a simple, disciplined, compassion-based practice of actual

meditation. Stick with the practice.

Learn, how beyond confusion there is clarity. Beyond frustration is

equanimity. Beyond loneliness is an all-encompassing state of

compassion. In Tantric Buddhism known as transmutation of emotion4

. Monotheists might label such experience presence of God.

By working WITH any unpleasant state of mind, instead of working

against it, transmutation of the emotion ensues.

Dont just repress, express or let it dissipate. Use your sharply focused

intelligence, and notice emotions with the intent of seeing clearly and

cutting through confusion with the sword of honest compassion.

4 Trungpa, Chguam The Myth of Freedom p. 73


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I-04

IntegrityWhat is integrity? Nothing more than the simple function of:

A) Congruency in Action = acting in accordance with your core values+

B) Cultivating Compassion

When you do this, you need not worry about accidentally being an

asshole to neither women in specific or other human beings in general.

Think about the actions you can take, the choices you make and the

intentions you state on an everyday basis that allows others to see you

as being a Man of Integrity.

Keeping your word. If you did not already make a note of this.

Sometimes, we promise others things and favours that in that

moment? It makes us feel good, generous and giving to do so.

But what happens, if you for whatever reason fail to keep that

promise?

Maybe you forgot, or maybe it could not be done.

Whomever you did not keep your promise to, is going to make an everso subtle mental note of your lack of action. It can be a small thing.

Perhaps it does not matter much. In itself.

Often, others are too polite to mention that it mattered, or do not want

to make a big fuss about whatever it was that you promised them.

That does not mean, that it did not matter.

It does matter.


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If you are congruently failing to keep your word, you become one ofthose people that are simply viewed as being un-trustworthy. In effect

you are lying to people, when you give them your word and you

fail to keep it.

It does not matter why. Most people are not going to care. They simply

observe your actions, and notice that they are not congruent with your

good intentions.

Others may even interpret your lack of action as being deliberately

malicious and manipulative, eventhough that may not at all be the

case. You may think, you are just being sloppy.

But in effect you are being less than compassionate.

No matter how many other good deeds you do, rest assured, that

failing to keep even ONE promise to someone, where it really

mattered?

Hurts your personal integrity, and makes it more difficult for YOU to

state your own boundaries with clarity.

The signals you are sending to your subconscious mind, with your

words, choices and actions alignment with you core values or lack

herof - are unambiguous in terms of integrity.

Want to be respected? BE respectful.

Be mindful of the promises you make, and keep a score of the words

you give to others. Remind your SELF.

Nobody else is going to do it for you.


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IntegrateIntegrate the wisdom of acting in accordance with your own personal

integrity into EVERY intention you set. Every single action you take

and every choice you make.

Set the intention of actively ILLUMINATING your intentions, your

motives, your goals, ideas, beliefs, behaviours and choices.

Integrate the power of PASSION & PURPOSE to ignite your own

drive.

Integrate compassion with COURAGE.

Dare to care about others.

Dare to care about who YOU are, what you stand for, how you want to

be remembered and who you want to attract.

DARE to be CURIOUS.

Dare to explore, dare to connect.

DARE to be PLAYFULL.

Being light-hearted and daring to keep an open mind. Be your ownbest friend. It may be tougher than it sounds. Observe the silly stories

you tell yourself. Smile at them, honestly, and dare to improve.

Appreciate the irony in how your shadow will sometimes trip you up

and sabotage your attempts of being loved, valued and connected.

Appreciate the irony in how we as human beings do the most

ridiculous things, just to avoid looking in the mirror of our own

realities.


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Perhaps you are familiar with the adage: The World is your Mirror.

The is a lot of wisdom in that.

The people you attract, and who you are attracted to - are your mirror.

The types of women you are attracted to, tells you something about

the qualities you need to integrate as a Man. The habits and ideas you

may need to let go of, to grow up and evolve.

They tell you something about your level of maturity.

Your level of maturity has little to do with age, and everything to dowith your level of courage to challenge your own shadow.

What annoys and frustrates you about others, tells you something

about your shadow-side. Your shadow, is your mirror too.

It is no coincidence, that magicians use a blackened mirror known

as a scrying mirror for gazing deep into the personal as well as the

collective unconscious.

It is no coincidence, that the darkest hours of winter, dark nights and

black moons, in most religious and spiritual traditions, is regarded as a

time for deep introspection, making peace with the dead and the

cleaning out of closets. Banishing ghosts even.

But the living breathing human beings you choose to connect and

dis-connect with, are your clearest and brightest mirrors.

The way in which you choose, or dont chose - to connect, relate and

explore, tells you who you are.

Your ACTIONS, your words and your choices reflect your values andyour level of integrity.

Dare to lookat them through the eyes of others.

Who do you see?

Do you like him?

What are his values and virtues?

Would you trust him?


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The reactions you get in response to your actions, what do they tellyou? They tell you something about the other person, yes. But they

also tell you something about how you are seen, heard and felt as

being authentic. Whether there is resonance with your own values and

passions. Or not.

Don't let the responses you get define you. Use them, to improve.

You do not get to choose the way in which other people percieve you,

the meaning they apply to your actions, and the interpretations they

may arrive at, based on your responses.

You ONLY get to choose your OWN actions.

Notice how you respond to other people. Notice how you respond to

THEIR reactions to your actions, words and choices5. The meaning

is irrelevant.

An action has no other meaning than what the action results in. You

can reframe a mirror all you want, it still remains a mirror.

When you CHOOSE compassion, TRUE compassion, choose to be

courageous, dare to explore, be curious and constantly improve on

these parameters?

Your actions will be congruent with your core values. Maybe it does

not always work out the way you desire, but at least you can look

yourself in the mirror and say: I did my best.

And know, that by best you mean I chose the actions I felt was

most in line with my own personal integrity

Integrating a light sense of humour into the whole process, is wherecuriosity merges with compassion and gives you true courage to live,

to love and to be connected with authenticity.

Have you ever thought about, that the word courage is derived from

the Latin word cor, meaning heart?

And did did you know, that the word curiosity comes from the word

cura= to care?

5 Chdron, PemaLearning to Stay p.2


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Contact

If you want to know more about the Mindful Masculinity programme,

my personal consulting services, upcoming seminars or you have a

question burning deep inside feel free to send me an email.

The direct address is:

[email protected]


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References Chdron, Pema The Places that Scare You (2001) Boston, Shambhala

Publications

Jung, Carl G. The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious(1981) PrincetonUniversity Press

Jung, Carl G. Man and his symbols, New York (1964) Ferguson Publishing

Trungpa, Chguam: Shambhala The Sacred Path of the Warrior (1995) Boston,

Shambhala Publications

Trungpa, Chguam: The Myth of Freedom and the Way of Meditation (2002),

Boston, Shambhala Publications

Warner, Brad Hardcore Zen - Punk Rock, Monster Movies and the Truth About

Reality, Somerville (2003) Wisdom Publications

Warner, Brad: Sit down and Shut up: Punk Rock Commentaries on Buddha, God,

Truth, Sex, Death, and Dogen's Treasury of the Right Dharma Eye Novato (2007)

New World Library

Online resources

Chdron, Pema Learning to Stay

http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/shenpa3b.php

Chdron, Pema Start Where You Are

http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/swya3.php

Nichtern, David http://www.davidnichtern.com


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http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/shenpa3b.phphttp://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/swya3.phphttp://www.davidnichtern.com/http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/swya3.phphttp://www.davidnichtern.com/http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/shenpa3b.php


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