As we neared the end of our eight-month BBC journey, we asked Eliot members and friends to share their BBC story. We asked them:

What have you learned about yourself? How has this experience changed the way you live your life? Is Eliot a different place today than it was before Michael Brown’s death? This document is a compilation of those stories.

I participated in two BBC groups this year:

“Becoming Powerful Allies” and an ALL READ

discussion of Race, Place, and Suburban Policing .

Both experiences were eye-opening for me and

changed the way I think about and interact with

people of color. I did not consider myself racist at

all, but have learned that my white privilege has

given me so many advantages in life. I have been

sensitized to the amount of racial profiling and rac-

ist attitudes prevailing in our society and how it

affects the black community, especially black men.

I’ve learned a great deal about Meacham Park and

its relationship to the city of Kirkwood, and I’ve

gained empathy for the Meacham Park residents.

Having author

Andrea Boyles come to Eliot was so enlightening.

I now want to take every opportunity I can to reach

out to people of color in my

daily life. Sue Blandford

My family and I started coming to Eliot after we moved to Kirkwood in 2008. We stayed on the periphery through various ministers and continued to attend because our children enjoyed R.E. When we returned from vacation after watching the events in Ferguson on the national media in August of 2014, I was wounded to realize that large parts of our St. Louis region could remain uninterested and detached while my whole world shifted. I needed some action, something to ease my sorrow. I needed to talk and to listen and to learn more ... yet I couldn’t find many others willing to do so. The Eliot community was talking about and learning about race, racism and white privilege. It was time for me to no longer sit on the sidelines at church. And when I acted, I found amazing individuals and a connection I didn’t know I needed.

Sarah Slaughter

Of the events I participated in during the last year, the most significant has been ALL READ. I can’t think of a better way to learn about white privilege, and about the black experience. We’ve read Waking Up White, Between the World and Me, and we’re now winding up our discussion of The New Jim Crow. I haven’t sorted out all the information yet – and may never do so – but I know I’m a different person for being a part of this. I see and read so many news stories through new eyes. I look at people from a different perspec-tive. And the emotions, which include awe, frustration, anger, shame, have been a roller coaster ride. What a remarkable way for me to have met people at Eliot I didn’t know, and get to know them on a very personal level. I wouldn’t trade these months for anything, and I’m so grateful for this opportunity.

Susan Hayman

I came to Eliot Chapel in 2014 and knew almost immediately that I had found my spiritual home and my people. I am so grateful for the many opportuni-ties offered here to become informed about the pressing social and environmental issues we as a nation and region face. The “Becoming Powerful Allies” workshop was a compelling incentive to learn more about my white privilege and the history of systemic racism. The ALL READ program was a natural continuation on the path of knowledge and learning how to do good work in the world more effectively. My group has bonded deeply as we read Waking Up White, Between the World and Me and The New Jim Crow. I feel truly blessed to have gained new friends in a community of compassionate, knowledge-seeking travelers, dedicated to truth, justice and

Betsey Comfort

I grew up a white child in the South during the 1960’s, so I was no stranger to racial strife. It was easy to be smug about not being an actual, flaming bigot, and this sense of superiority insulated me from examining my own prejudice and privilege. I acted in ways that I now know we're very hurtful to the black people in my life. This left me with profound guilt and sorrow, but as is so often the case, I carried the guilt quietly and privately. What Eliot has given me is a community in which to unpack the guilt, explore it and ultimately begin to move beyond it toward personal forgiveness. The relationships I’ve formed are helping me to heal spiritually.

Allison Ricks

Several surprising, revelatory moments stand out for me. I was proud and humbled to hear Bethany Johnson-Javois, a faith leader from a fundamentalist, Pentecostal Christian denomina-tion with a UU message. It brought home to me that labels artificially divide people when society’s urgent need is unity, and that UUs have a pivotal role in forging that unity. The Arch City Defenders also inspired me last fall. A few young people responding to the internal nudge to do good have made a positive difference in a lot of lives. Kelly Bosworth set a wonderful tone at this highlight. BBC also spurred connection with my 14-year-old daughter. We viewed and discussed “Prom Night in Mississippi” and Waking up White, which she chose to read for her freshman language arts class. Finally, I have appreciated the moments of vulnerability during sensitive discussion that I’ve shared with Eliot companions during this year’s ALL READs.

Steve Mennerick

Participating in Eliot Chapel activities related to

racial justice this year has been enlightening and

inspiring, but frequently quite sobering. I

facilitated a group of Eliot members and friends

last fall who read and processed Waking Up

White together. I was impressed by the honesty

and openness participants brought to the discus-

sions as we came to understand the effects of

white privilege and systemic racism, not only on

our neighbors of color, but also on us as white

people. Particularly memorable this year was the

panel discussion with Eliot’s members and staff of

different races and ethnicities. They were so

courageous in telling their stories and in living their

lives well in the face of persistent prejudice. The

experiences of this year of focus on racial justice

have certainly raised my awareness, so that I

more readily recognize and challenge my own

prejudices.

Jeanne Olson

As a young child riding in the car with my parents in

Southern Illinois, I clearly recall seeing a traffic sign that

cautioned: “No colored person is allowed to remain in

Williamson County after sundown.” That was probably

my first conscious awareness of white privilege. In 1964,

I entered the nursing program at Jewish Hospital. For the

first time, black girls were admitted to the school; of 104

students, three were black. In 1965 the new Medicare

program was established, and it was my first-ever

interaction with “negro” patients. Of my many Jewish

patients, I remember one elderly gentleman who had a

numeric tattoo on his ankle. He told me he’d been in a

concentration camp. I remember thinking how shameful

it was that he’d been incarcerated for his ethnicity and

how privileged I was to have been born into a white

American family.

Fifty years later, following the Eliot ALL READ

discussions, I’ve become even more conscious of the

systemic advantages of being born white.

Janis Cox

The racial justice work at Eliot has made me angry. It has been 62 years since Brown vs Board of Education was decided by the Supreme Court. Fifty-three years since the March on Washington. And we still have pervasive systems of racism locally, regionally, and nationally?

Last year my 7-year old daughter and I participated in the walk in Kirkwood to commemorate the Selma voter rights march of 1965. And I had to explain to her why an adult was chanting “stupid, stupid” out of her car win-dow. At that point, I knew I needed to be more active in racial justice efforts. The ALL READ discussion groups helped me better understand the un-fair institutionalized systems around us. I had the privi-lege of meeting with Eliot members and friends who helped me to move forward in my journey of being a better person towards all while trying to raise a child who is awake and aware. I still have work to do—but I have moved.

Ellen Duncan

I am a newcomer to Eliot Chapel and Unitarian

Universalism. When I heard about the ALL READ

project, I signed up for several reasons. I was eager

to learn more about the community, meet people,

and explore my own thoughts about the complex

issues of race/culture/segregation. I participated in

two book clubs. We read Waking Up White first.

While I had been somewhat aware of the many

privileges in my life (male, raised upper-middle

class, ethnically European-American), I was ignorant

of the many systemic barriers created by our society

that have kept African-Americans from full participa-

tion in our economic and educational world. Then,

reading Between the World and Me, I listened to the

anguish and pain born by so many individuals,

eloquently and forcefully told by Ta-Nehisi Coates. I

am thankful to the Eliot community for raising my

awareness, as uncomfortable as it has been, and

I am especially thankful to our leader, Ellen Duncan,

for creating a safe and open space for reflection

and sharing.

David Rowan

Becoming the Beloved Community (BBC) at Eliot has enriched my life. I’ve learned about racism and its manifestations in the “Becoming Powerful Allies” workshop and in two congregation-wide ALL READs. I’ve taken to heart thoughtful sermons from Reverend Barbara. I’ve felt more comfortable expressing my views on racism. I’ve gained a much clearer lens through which I view issues surround-ing the African American community. I’m finding my voice in talking to my children about racism; e.g., I had no problem telling my six-year-old son what the movie “Zootopia” was really about. There were some bumps in the conversation, and I may not have gotten it completely right, but we had a conversation, which is something I’m not sure would have happened were it not for BBC at Eliot. In sum, I feel like BBC at Eliot has helped me to become a better citizen and parent.

Ben Herzon

It has been said that to change mindset and behavior, awareness is 75% of the cure. During the two ALL READ groups I had the pleasure of facilitating at Eliot, my biggest take-away is that I need to be more aware of how my attitudes and actions (or inactions) are contributing to racism. When I try to “smooth over” uncomfortable situations, or walk away from them, I’m missing an opportunity for understanding.

I know now that feeling guilty about having white priv-ilege is non-productive. I’m committing myself to find-ing ways to be proactive, like speaking up when racial comments are made. I will be less judgmental of people, even when they are convicted of a crime. I will find ways to interact in a meaningful way with people of color. And most of all, I plan to spend more time just outside my comfort zone, which is where I’ll find the learning zone!

Carol Moreland

This spring, we participated in a seminar for UU youth and adults called Conversations About Racial Equality (CARE). This experience enabled us to learn more about racism as a whole and prepared us to share our knowledge and raise awareness in our communities. We explored microaggression and learned that racism often takes the form of behaviors which aren't always outwardly obvious, but have a much larger impact than many people comprehend. We heard real life stories and experiences from people who had encountered and witnessed racism firsthand. We also learned about topics such as stereotyping, cultural appropriation, the Black Lives Matter movement, and how our own identities impact how we define ourselves and our experiences.

CARE was an amazing experience which we will never forget and will impact us for years to come. We hope the insights we gained become better recognized by the general public and by our individual communities.

Camille Mussman and Emily Neu

As a white female youth who lives close to Ferguson,

I used to be uncomfortable discussing race. I feared

that I would offend someone if I said anything about

it. But all the injustices brought to light by Michael

Brown’s shooting made the racial divide impossible

to ignore. Racism began to occupy every part of my

life; my social media, the chatter between peers,

and Eliot’s involvement in the Black Lives Matter

movement made me full of agitation that race still

mattered. Through all the chaos, Eliot has allowed

me to gain more insight and experience into race

and how to address it. I remember Debby Irving’s

presentation about her book Waking Up White. One

of her points that most resonated with me was

“acknowledging the elephant in the room,” by

which she meant racism. The elephant in the room

always makes people uncomfortable, and that’s the

point. I would like to thank Eliot for helping me

acknowledge the elephant and encouraging it

to leave.

Colleen Lee

I joined two ALL READ groups this church year. I

was alerted to elements of racism in myself that I

had not realized were there. I realized that there

are still depths to plumb inside, as I cannot yet ful-

ly espouse all the ideas expressed by fellow mem-

bers of my groups. Some of the concepts are so

difficult for me, I'm not even sure whether I

disagree, or just don't understand yet.

I can tell that the conversation about race is

getting wider, and ideas about hidden racism

and white privilege are spreading, because I've

discussed them with other family members, and I

see these ideas expressed elsewhere more often.

I think we must keep the conversation going at Eli-

ot Chapel. We can't spend just one church year

and say the work is done.

Steven Bain

As a Jewish child growing up in a primarily non-Jewish culture, I strongly identified with Waking Up White's descriptions of being different, discrimina-tions, the dominant culture privilege, and navigating the challenges. That kind of connection has motivated many Jews to be active in the antidiscrimination movements for many years.

My changes are subtle. I invited a black friend, Linda Roberson, a teacher from Webster Groves School District whom I know through AAUW, to join my ALL READ group this summer – and then watched the transformation of our group discussion with someone who is comfortable being in that role and sharing from her life experience.

As President Obama has said, our country needs to have a conversation on racism... and I think we gradually are.

Roz Marx

As a relatively new member of Eliot, I learned pretty quickly that I was in the right place. I found people whose dedication to social justice and inclusion for all was right for me, and this year of “Becoming the Beloved Community” has been inspiring.

I have never considered myself to be a prejudiced person and, while I’ve always been grateful for a pret-ty blessed life, I never thought of it in terms of white privilege. In fact, I don’t remember even being aware of the term until I read Waking Up White. What a reve-lation! Then participating in a discussion of Between the World and Me awakened me to the realization that not being overtly prejudiced is not enough. I’ve learned there are good reasons why people of color have such deep feelings of resentment and mistrust in the white world. Even though the racial problems in St. Louis seem insurmountable, I will look for ways to help make our town more inclusive and just for everyone.

Barbara Harris

I have learned many things since Eliot began its mission to become a beloved community. I grew up in Florissant and Ha-zelwood as part of the white flight that my parents, who came from North St. Louis, were a part of. Being able to recognize and educate myself by attending various group events and reading books is such a blessing for me. I still struggle with feelings that go back to my childhood, but I am able to understand it more. The moment that hit me the most was the panel of Eliot members and staff who spoke about their struggles with being Asian or African American. My career in providing short, sweet and simple wedding ceremonies has taken me into apartments and homes in communities I don't normally visit. Eliot has given me HOPE to help those who might not feel comfortable showing their love in a public venue. I am proud of our members and friends who are passionate about the cause for racial justice and healing.

Carolyn Burke

I have essentially worn my Black Lives Matter button every day for the last year, regardless of the work event, regardless of other people’s comfort, and regardless of how I may be judged. And each and every time someone tells me “I like your button,” I smile and do a little happy dance in my heart. And each and every time someone challenges my views, I welcome the opportunity to talk. It’s a little thing, but it has opened the door for conversations that I never would have had otherwise. It is because of the work of Eliot Chapel that I have been able to stretch as a person, am learning to own my privilege and learning to show up in my entirety. I’m grateful for this community and the opportunities that have been created for us to show up and continue the conversa-tions so that we can continue to

Nancy Spargo

It was new information for me to think of myself as "white privilege," but the phrase certainly fits. Waking Up White me realize how little I understood about the suffering of the African American community and how historically they have been kept from getting ahead in any significant way. All the roads have been blocked by those of us who live in the bubble of our comfortable lives.

In reading Between the World and Me, the information I took in during Waking Up White went from something I thought about to something I felt and experienced. Ta-Nehisi Coates goes for the jugular! He put the pain of being a black male at the hands of those in power before me in relentlessly searing prose. I felt like saying “Stop! Enough already. I get it.!” That is, I hope I do.

Jan Kilgen

Last January I forwarded the following to the BBC leaders: "Why is a group on the fence between liberal Christianity and Humanism, comprised of members generally supportive of universal human rights, and which organization is of minimal interest to minority persons, giving such an inordinate amount of time, attention, and energy to the issue of racism? Is the degree of emphasis justified and healthy for our congregation?"

The implied answer to the questions was NO. Some members were counting the number of consecutive Sunday mornings racism was mentioned from the pulpit. Others stopped attend-ing said assemblies.

But overall attendance appears to have maintained, and Eli-ot's enthusiastic commitment to the cause of social justice is obvious. Even this cynical writer enjoyed a series of racism readings and discussions skillfully led by Tim Gardner.

Jerry Higginbotham

All Blacks are angry about past and present injustices no matter where they reside, Ferguson or Ladue. On a personal note, as one of the few African-American members of Eliot Chapel, I have been angry ever since the Olive Chapel boys softball team was denied entry into the Kirkwood Church Softball League many years ago. Today my anger is sustained every day I read newspapers and look at the net. In my opinion, if not for the anger of Black Ferguson protestors, there would be no presidential commission on race, no significant attention to the deaths of unarmed black men, and no "Black Lives Matter" vigils. Our collective attention would have shifted to other concerns. Thank you, Eliot Chapel, for your efforts to engage all Ameri-cans to George C. Davis III

Shortly after Michael Brown’s death, I attended a public forum on racial profiling. I’ll never forget hearing a lovely African-American woman — about 60 years old, obviously a professional — describe how she’d learned to navigate her route to work. “I drive five miles out of my way every morning,” she said, “to avoid areas where I know I’ll be pulled over routinely just because I’m black.”

That experience was the beginning of “my” waking up white. Since then, Eliot has provided many additional opportunities for me to explore my place — and my role — in our racist society. For that, I am deeply grateful.

Forty years ago, when I first came to Eliot, I could count on feeling good at the end of a Sunday service: comforted, affirmed, peaceful. Now as I leave on Sundays, I’m more apt to feel edgy, challenged, stretched. I think Eliot’s growing up – and hopefully, so am I!

Ann Ruger

After the Michael Brown shooting, the violence and

continued protesting opened my eyes to the deep

and long-festering anger of people of color who live

daily with the effects of society-wide, built-in, racial

discrimination. I had trouble with some of the actions

of the Black Lives Matter group but to my question, I

heard from a bright, young black activist speaking at

Eliot that “racial discrimination isn’t very polite,

either.” The discussion in my ALL READ group led by

Ellen Duncan on Waking Up White showed how

we’ve grappled with racism in our personal lives and

families of origin. A BBC forum led to my email

partnership with two other Eliot members for mutual

support of our efforts to be “powerful white allies” to

the non-white people we encounter in our everyday

lives. Most deeply moving to me were a “Mother-to-

Mother” session and the stories told by our own staff

of color. I feel I’ve moved forward and need to

continue, with the encouragement of Eliot programs

and people.

Claire Robertson

Growing up in a ‘70s racist household, I believed my generation would foment the change that was long overdue. And yes, many changes have been made, and I have prided myself in being more open-minded, inclusive, and non-judgmental. That belief, however, was completely quashed after reading Waking Up White and Between the World and Me. Both books awakened in me the privileged life I have led, and have caused considerable introspection. What have been my contributions to systemic racism? Whom have I offended or stepped over in my pursuit of life, liberty and justice? Through the ALL READ participation, I’ve learned that no matter where we live in the world, the school we attend, the job we have –subjugation of those deemed “lesser” will always exist. As humans it’s in our DNA: we are programmed for this. Doesn’t make it right or any more palatable. It is a reality. My greatest hope, as I continue my life’s journey, is that I will never again wear the blinders I once wore. Instead, I will stand up to racist remarks and practices, and begin to lift up rather than hold down.

Joanne Prats

I thought I knew so much already, having grown up in East St. Louis and teaching high school there. I also adopted one of my black students so that she could finish school instead of working in the cotton fields down south. Later, I taught in a model Head Start program there and saw family hardships.

Our second reading group was lively, argumentative, always interesting. The experience of ALL READ, especially as a result of leading Between the World and Me caused me to read more books and articles and listen to people speak about what it is like now for black people facing the streets, poverty, eviction, in-justice—all the aspects of discrimination that I don’t experience.

I simply want all African Americans to enjoy the same privileges and respect that I do. I’m glad that Eliot cares about working toward this challenge.

Patricia Bell