mother and daughter both find fulfillment as surrogate ... · mother and daughter both find...

Winter 2017

Mother and daughter both find fulfillment as surrogate mothers

15821 Ventura Blvd., Suite 625, Encino, CA 91436 * tel: (818) 788-8288 * fax: (818) 981-82872661 Riva Road, Building 1000, Suite 1042, Annapolis, MD 21401 * tel: (410) 224-0151 * fax: (410) 224-0153

Mother Knows BestIn this issue, we are profiling two amazing women who are mother and daughter and also were surrogate mothers.

In talking to CSP surrogate mother Ashley Brown and her mother, Melia Cooley, you realize the apple does not fall far from the tree. Both are vivacious and pas-sionate women who have changed the lives of two families in ways too numerous to count.

Ashley, a mother of two children who lives in Menifee, CA, recently delivered twins on Father’s Day for an Australian gay couple, Chris and Sean. Even the Australian media chronicled their surrogacy journey.

Ashley’s path to surrogacyAfter Ashley had her two children, she decided she was finished with her own pregnancies. She had worked as a paramedic and currently works in organ donation, but wanted to go back to school for nursing. Recalled Ashley: “My kids changed my life and I wanted to help others have a family. I thought surrogacy could be a win-win by helping me pay for college while I helped a couple have children.”

Unique preparation to become a surrogate motherAshley was uniquely prepared for the surrogacy experience because her mother, Melia Cooley, had been one 1987. In fact, Melia was the third woman in the world and the first in the U.S. to be-

come a gestational surrogate with no genetic relation to the child she carried. Her surrogacy was distinct because most at the time were traditional surroga-cies, where the surrogate mother was the egg donor inseminated with the intended father’s sperm. In fact, Melia’s surrogacy took place during the controversy surrounding Mary Beth Whitehead.*

Ashley’s memories from her mother’s surrogacy mainly came from the videos she watched and the stories she heard about it. She knew her mother had made a tremendous impact on the family she helped

About CSPThe Center for Surrogate Parenting, Inc. (CSP) is a world-renowned surrogate parenting program with offices in Encino, CA, and Annapolis, MD. CSP was established because we strongly believe that couples who are ready and willing to take on the responsibility of parenthood deserve that opportunity. Having a child with the help of a surrogate can be an exciting and fulfilling way to meet that need.

The surrogacy process allows a child to be biologically related to either one or both parents. It also gives the couple the opportunity to become involved in the pregnancy itself. And finally, since their child is conceived only because of their own existence, the true genesis of the child is its creation in the minds and hearts of the couple.


www.creatingfamilies.com

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create with the birth of their daughter 29 years before.

However, Ashley not did know that Melia had been a surrogate for CSP. Ashley completed applications from several agencies and was try-ing to make a decision about which to choose when Carole Jackson called her. The rest, as they say, is history.

“I had an immediate connection with Carole. She was both knowl-edgeable and comforting,” said Ashley. “She reassured me I would never be alone and always sup-ported by CSP.”

Afterwards, Ashley called her mother to ask for advice about how to choose an agency. Melia advised her she would know in her heart when she found the right one. When her mother learned Hilary Hanafin and Bill Handel worked at the company Ashley was considering, Melia realized the coincidence. CSP had been her agency from the 1980’s. Hilary, of course, remembered Melia, and this reassured Ashley she was making the right choice.

Match with Sean and ChrisAshley applied to CSP in December 2014 and started looking at profiles in March of 2015. Hilary thought Chris Inzitari and Sean Wheatley might be a good match for Ashley because they were younger and nontraditional. When Ashley read their profile, she agreed. The guys

flew in from Australia and they met at the beach in Dana Point with Karen Chernekoff, her CSP counselor. Though they seemed reserved then, Ashley could tell the men had a good relationship built on a solid foundation and were confident about their plan to become fathers. “Though they were quiet at our initial match meeting, I could see their sweetness. Now I know their personalities are totally different. Once I met them, I realized I wanted to make these two men dads,” described Ashley.

Throughout the next few weeks, the three would FaceTime and email. When the men were in Cali-fornia, she saw how they bonded with her kids. Ashley was confident they would be amazing dads.

Ashley had two unsuccessful transfers in July. She was heartbroken and depressed after each loss and developed an acute understanding of how women experiencing infertility must feel

after a pregnancy failure.

Dr. Tourgeman of HRC Fertility could not pinpoint a reason for the implantation failure, but thought it may have been due to gluteal progesterone injections. He prescribed the oral version of the medication, which reassured Ashley that she was getting the proper dosage. Fortunately, her third transfer in November was successful and she learned she was carrying twins! Her mom accompanied her to all three transfers, even getting to reconnect with Bill Handel.

“I think identical twins are fascinat-ing and I had wanted to have them since I was a little girl. When I try to piece together everything that has happened in my life, I real-ize my surrogacy experience was meant to be,” explained Ashley.

Because Ashley was pregnant with two, this pregnancy was different from her previous ones where she was active and went on maternity leave a week before delivering. But by her third trimester, it was difficult to stand and do her house-hold chores because of swollen ankles. CSP suggested she contact her friends and loved ones to ask for help. The offers came pouring in and with both her mother’s and fiancée’s help, Ashley was able to get the rest she needed.

“Ashley asked her mother how to choose an agency.

Melia advised her she would know in her heart when she found the right

one. When her mother learned Hilary Hanafin & Bill Handel worked at the company Ashley was con-

sidering, Melia realized the coincidence.”



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The Silver Lining: An Unexpected Father’s Day GiftAt 32 weeks, Ashley video chatted with the men to let them know she had a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday, after which she could apprise them of her progress. But lo and behold, her water broke at 11 PM that night! Her sister rushed over to bring her to the hospital. Ashley first delivered Hunter, five pounds, four ounces, and then, his brother Hudson, who weighed in at three pounds, 12 ounces.

Remembered Ashley: “God could not have picked a better day for the twins’ birth – Father’s Day – though I was hoping to carry them to a full-term delivery on August 11. It was scary, however. Their dads were in Australia and could not make it to the delivery. I was bleeding and needed an emergency C-section. Plus, I did not get to see or hold the boys for a day and a half because they were in the NICU.”

Chris and Sean got the earliest flight as soon as they heard the news. They arrived in California on Monday afternoon the next day.

The men rented a condo in San Diego, so Ashley has been in close contact with them. “Making these two guys dads was amazing and a dream come true. They

have grown so close to me as well as to my family,” said Ashley. “They seem like old pros at fatherhood and have a great system for taking care of the babies while each getting some sleep. They were so ready for this. They just needed someone like me to make it happen for them.”

Though Ashley and the men have formed a wonderful bond, she advises other women to not go into surrogacy looking for a lifelong relationship or a new extended family. “If it happens, that will be an added benefit. Sur-rogacy is the greatest accomplishment in my life. Any-thing I expected was made better. CSP was a huge part of my experience being a success because its support system is second to none. They have so many surrogates, but they made me feel like I was the only one.”

Her mom was right by Ashley’s side at all times, acting as her best support system and making the experi-ence special for both of them. Though their journeys were different and a reflection on how much surroga-cy has changed throughout the decades, Ashley was glad to follow in Melia’s footsteps.


15821 Ventura Blvd., Suite 625, Encino, CA 91436 * tel: (818) 788-8288 * fax: (818) 981-82872661 Riva Road, Building 1000, Suite 1042, Annapolis, MD 21401 * tel: (410) 224-0151 * fax: (410) 224-0153 4

Melia Cooley:Surrogacy Pioneer

Melia became the first woman in the United States and the third one in the

world to become a gestational surrogate.

Born prematurely and confined to an incubator, Melia Cooley’s mother could not hold her for the first three months of her life. The incubator lights per-manently affected her eyesight; Melia is considered legally blind without wearing contacts.

During her first few fragile months, Melia weighed very little and her doctors were not certain she would survive because of her precarious condition. There was even a newspaper article about how she -- the miracle baby -- survived and thrived as an infant.

So Melia feels she was meant to do something meaningful with her life. That prophecy came full circle decades later when she gave birth to another miracle baby as the first woman in the United States and the third one in the world who was a gestational surrogate. At the time, most surrogate mothers were also the genetic mothers of the babies they bore.

The seed was plantedThe idea of becoming a surrogate mother occurred to Melia after the birth of Ashley, her middle child, in 1983. Though at the time, she did not know the word – surrogate – for what she wanted to do, she knew she wanted to give a couple the gift of parenthood. In the 1980’s, however, commercial surrogacy was in its infancy. There weren’t any agencies you could call for information and the few women who pursued it were

traditional surrogates who also provided the egg/ge-netic material for the intended parents.

But Melia was determined and started calling every gynecologist in the phone book, asking if they could help her in her quest. But she hit a total dead end until a friend saw a television documentary about surrogacy where Bill Handel was the expert guest. Recalled Melia: “The next day, I called 411 and asked for his office number. I was asked five questions and they sent me a packet in the mail with a long ques-tionnaire and application.”

Melia was clear she could never use her own egg, but it took Bill’s office almost a year to find a couple that wanted to try gestational surrogacy, which at the time was not as successful as the traditional version. She remembered: “We met at a long oak table at Bill’s office. As soon as I saw the couple, I knew I was going to have a girl for them. In my mind, I already was there, but I had to go through mental health testing with Hilary as well as be medically cleared. I had appointments at the fertility clinic three times per week to see when I was ovulating. The doctor wanted it to be successful on the first try. I felt my veins were going to collapse, but I knew it was going to be worth it.”

By mid-October in 1986, Melia underwent her first embryo transfer, which was successful. She gave birth

to her couple’s little girl in 1987.

It took almost two years to make this miracle happen. Though sur-rogacy was her dream, the experi-ence was stressful and she did not have as much support from her former spouse as she would have liked. At the time, the public had a very poor perception of sur-rogacy because of the Mary Beth Whitehead* case and Melia did not feel she could share what she was doing with too many. How-ever, CSP had a support group of 10-12 women, which she felt was helpful. Even there, Melia stood out because she was a gestational surrogate.

She was delighted that her preg-nancy ran smoothly and the in-tended parents showered her with whatever she needed. “I was in picture perfect health and was ac-tive through my delivery date. Af-ter I delivered the baby, I remem-ber the nurse telling me I could go home. I asked if I could stay for breakfast. I was hungry. I just had a baby, after all,” laughed Melia!

The press was outside, so the hospital suggested Melia leave from the back of the hospital. She took one more trip to the nursery to say farewell to the baby, who responded to her voice. When that happened, Melia knew it was time to say good bye.

That was the conclusion of Melia’s contact with the family. Melia did not want the parents to feel

obligated to her, and felt her part – giving the couple the gift of a child – was over. So Melia chose to not continue her relationship with them. She received several photos, however, in the first few years of the girl’s life.

Melia was part of several press events, including an article in the LA Times and in several other newspapers, as well as appearances on ‘The Connie Chung Show’ and ‘The Michael Jackson (talk) Show.’ She also was part of surrogacy legal history when Bill Handel went to court establishing the intended mother as the legal mother of the little girl.

Following in Melia’s footstepsMelia has been understandably proud of how her daughter Ashley has followed in her footsteps, even though she never knew Ashley was interested in pursuing it. When she compares their two experi-ences, she is also impressed by all the changes in how surrogacy is viewed by the public and with the type of close relationship Ashley

has formed with her intended parents. “My only regret from my surrogacy experience was not hav-ing more contact with the family I helped. But I was thrilled to be able to be a witness to Ashley’s. She has formed such strong bonds with the dads and their two boys. It is a joy to see, “ said Melia.

Thank you, Melia, for being a trend-setter and paving the way so Ashley and other women could have such positive surrogacy journeys.

* Mary Beth Whitehead was a tra-ditional surrogate from New Jersey who decided she wanted to keep the child after she had given birth. This started contentious legal pro-ceedings that established continu-ing legal precedents in the state of New Jersey.



“In 1987, Melia became the

first woman in the U.S. and

the third in the world to be-

come a gestational surrogate,

where she was not the

genetic mother of the child.”

The Fleck family



Marina Delich is a CSP veteran of four surrogacy journeys. Recently Marina reunited with her fourth surrogate baby, a teenage boy whose family is moving to Africa from Australia.

Marina started thinking about becoming a surrogate mother even before she became a mother. She was aware of many people who either were having difficulty getting pregnant or had experienced tragedies with trying to adopt. That pushed her into wanting to seriously look into helping couples fulfill their dreams of parenthood.

A local attorney suggested she contact CSP, which began the first of four surrogate mother experiences. Her first journey – a baby born in 1996 – was not the ideal outcome she had imagined because the couple divorced in the midst of her pregnancy. However, it triggered a feeling of happiness and satisfaction that motivated Marina to continue to pursue surrogacy.

“I did it again and the next one was fabulous and made me feel especially

appreciated. I still remember the new mother jumping for joy across the room when she saw her baby,“ recalled Marina. “That’s an exciting memory that will stay with me forever.”

“I felt like I had a lot of good communication throughout my pregnancies. The parents would accompany me to the doctor appointments and it was fun getting to know them as people. I was pleasantly surprised by how much the couples wanted to keep in touch with me, especially the last three families. I thought they might be afraid to get too close, but they always kept me up-to-date about what was going on in the kids’ lives,“ recalled Marina.

Marina’s daughters, who are now in their early 20’s, were young at the time of her surrogacies. But they met each of the intended parents and understood their mother was having a baby for the other family. At one point, her oldest daughter would recount that another woman was having a baby but only her mom was getting fat!

Marina, who lives at the border of Minnesota and Wisconsin, feels she was a trailblazer, to some extent, for surrogacy in the Midwest. She recalled it being hard emotionally and, often, lonely because some of her friends did not agree with her decision to become a surrogate. Others asked prying questions, so she didn’t feel she could openly talk to them.

Recently one of Marina’s daughters made a video of her mother’s sur-rogacy experience. During the video, Marina had a chance to explain the economics of surrogacy, what she was paid and how it made her feel: “People always ask about the money a surrogate makes, but a surrogate never gets rich, even though sur-rogates in 2016 make more than I did,” said Marina. “For the parents, it is very expensive. The time involved means you are making minimum wage and so much can happen with a pregnancy, such as having to take time off work and the toll it takes on your body. However, I know I made people very happy.”

Marina Delich: Surrogacy Veteran and Trailblazer



Supporting ‘Project Surrogacy’Portraying the positive side of surrogacyThe professionals behind a fledging documentary, Project Surrogacy, are trying to change the public’s perception of this often misunderstood family build-ing option. To accomplish this, however, they need the field’s help as they seek donations to create, produce and distribute their envisioned film.

Producer Betty Chasse is an experienced documentar-ian and executive producers Christy and Haseeb Amireh are parents via surrogacy. This team feels surrogacy has become a taboo, over sensationlized subject and wants to portray the positive stories of both intended parents and surrogate mothers while also providing an objective outlook.

They are collaborating with a nonprofit organization From the Heart Productions. They are looking for both individual contributions and corporate/community sponsorship.

We will update our readers periodically about the progress made for funding this project.

They will have a trailer soon. Follow them on Facebook: Project Surrogacy and visit its website www.projectsurrogacy.com

This is what Karen Synesiou, CSP’s CEO, has to say about the documentary:

“Being negative about surrogacy is the new Hollywood hype. However, everyone is forgetting that there are children born through surrogacy and this negativity is impacting their lives. Some children are teased at school, some teachers view surrogacy as a negative field, and some children are forced to stand up and declare that the unique way they were conceived and born is normal for them. It is all of our responsibility to make sure that surrogacy is seen in a positive light because this is a gift we can give our children.”

International Surrogacy Research Amy Speier is a medical anthropologist who teaches at the University of Texas in Arlington. She is the author of Fertility Holidays, a book about American couples seeking egg donors abroad.

Ms. Speier is conducting research on interna-tional surrogacy and is looking for international intended parents and their surrogate mothers who are willing to be interviewed. She will document what they are experiencing during their surrogacy journey.

She will follow IRB (Institutional Review Board) pro-cedures and participants will need to sign informed consent. The interviews will consist of one or two conversations of 30 minutes to an hour in length.

Speier is interested in learning how and why in-tended parents from different countries decide to seek care in the U.S. and what their experience has been like once they made that decision. .She also is interested in their relationships with their surrogates and egg donors.

Surrogate mothers and intended parents who are interested in this important research, can contact Amy at [email protected]

mother and daughter both find fulfillment as surrogate ... · mother and daughter both find...

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