navigating your way through chaos - david irvine · avid irvine navigating your way through chaos...

NAVIGATING YOUR WAYTHROUGH CHAOS

WORKBOOK

NAVIGATING YOUR WAY THROUGH CHAOS — WORKBOOK | 1© 2020, David Irvine

It’s an old and ironic habit of human beings to run faster when we’ve lost our way. In times of crisis and disruption, the

most important thing we can do is, first and foremost, resist the natural human tendency to get caught up in anxiety,

fear, and busyness, and stop and get our bearings. Being there for others requires us to first be there for ourselves. You

have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Taking responsibility for meeting our own needs enables us to better

respond to the needs of others. Caring then comes from overflow rather than emptiness.

I offer you a map for reading your internal compass in four areas: your inner state, your values, your needs, and your

purpose and vision. While these four areas are in order of priority, feel free to take your time and go through them

in whatever order or time frame that works for you. Don’t try to tackle this inventory all at once. Take your time.

What’s important is to create the space – likely weekly – to focus your attention on the questions outlined below. The

kind of clarity you will gain is about direction, not velocity.

Note that at some point you may want to consider taking your team through this process. But first take the time to

get clear for yourself.

Note also that this workbook is written in the midst of the COVID-19 lockdown. The principles and exercises outlined

below, however, can be adapted to getting yourself and your team through any kind of disruptive time. Also, if you

are interested in getting into the topic of embracing change or other topics on leadership and authenticity in greater

depth, you will find additional resources on my website: https://www.davidirvine.com/free-whitepapers/


I. INNER STATE

It’s been said that when one door closes another one opens. What they don’t tell you is that it’s hell in the corridor.

Every time you are introduced to a foreign element, a change in your life, your mind and body will have a reaction. The

corridor of transition is fraught with emotions. For example, there will be a grief reaction – shock, sadness, anger –

when you experience the ending of familiarity, certainty, friendships, jobs or family members. If you are unexpectedly

laid off, there can be an emotional response of grief, shock, sadness, and anger along with other emotional reactions

such as fear, self-doubt, anxiety, frustration, compassion, impatience, insecurity, or a loss of control. Liberation,

excitement, and gratitude can also be thrown into the mix – or can come later on in the journey.

When leading yourself and others through the disruption of change you’ll find a “roller coaster” of emotions, a range

of highs and lows that you and others will experience. Regardless of your current reality through the pandemic,

it’s important to take almost a daily – if not hourly – “inventory” of your inner state through this chaotic process.

Staying connected with yourself is critical to staying connected to others. You can’t fake it. To sustain credibility and

connection, you have to keep it real through the corridor. And staying connected to the people who depend on you

means, first and foremost, staying connected with yourself, with your own inner state. Of course, there will eventually

be a rebuilding process but if you move to rebuilding too quickly without honesty through the corridor of chaos, you

will lose your people. And if we aren’t self-aware, we can act on our emotional states in a way that hurts. Impatience,

callousness, and incivility are what happens when we don’t know what do with our suffering.


EXERCISE #1.

Take a few minutes to do a check in, right now, of your inner state in relation to a recent foreign element that has

impacted your life. The most obvious one is your reaction to COVID-19. What are you feeling at this moment?

Shock? Sadness? Fear? Uncertainty? Anger? Excitement? Boredom? Self-Doubt? Insecurity? Gratitude? Loss of control?

Freedom? Anticipation?

Note that there are no right or wrong feelings. And you can have conflicting emotions simultaneously. You can, for

example, be grateful and sad at the same time. It’s how we handle emotions that make them destructive or helpful.

Also note how your inner state has changed over the past few days and weeks. How has your inner state impacted

your actions? Stop and take an inventory – both now and perhaps on a weekly basis as you work your way through the

emotional adjustment. What is important is that you stay aware of what is happening inside so you can stay connected

with what is happening around you.

You may notice that there is a difference between secondary feelings – emotions such as anger, frustration, and impatience

vs. primary emotions – emotions that lie below the surface of secondary feelings and are often harder to get at and

acknowledge. Examples of primary feelings are fear, sadness, insecurity, loneliness, uncertainty, and powerlessness.

To walk yourself and others through the chaos process, you’ll find it is important to identify the underlying primary

feelings along the way.


EXERCISE #2.

Take an inventory of how you are handling the stress of your life right now. How are you working through the

emotions of anger, fear, anxiety, depression, loss, frustration, self-doubt, powerlessness, and uncertainty? What is

your process for going from a high stress state to a calm state? How has your response to stress been harmful to the

people around you? How has it been helpful? What feedback are you getting from the people around you about how

you are handling the stress? What resources do you have? What gaps are there? Take a few moments to jot down

your answers to some of these questions.

Staying Connected to Others

People need to know you have their backs, that you are connected to them, that you can express empathy. In order to

join with and support the people in your life, it’s vital to first connect with yourself. This enables you to compassionately

connect with those around you as you first ensure a strong foundation of trust that the eventual rebuild will rest upon.

It’s important to remember that you can’t “fix” anyone’s feelings. This can be a hard blow to many of our egos, especially

if we define ourselves by our ability to solve problems. Don’t worry. There will be a time for solutions. But when

it comes to emotions, all that is called for is caring, time and empathy. For a great reminder of empathy, see Brené

Brown’s short YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw


EXERCISE #3.

Take an inventory of who in your life now requires some of your time and compassion. Who needs your support

right now? Where is your presence and your empathy required? Where is extended trust needed at this time? Who is

in need of some appreciation and how can you express your sincere gratitude to the people in your life in a way that

will reach them? What deposits are needed in your relationship accounts?


II. VALUES

One of the ways to use disruptive times to make changes in your life and strengthen your authentic leadership is to

stop at some point along the way and take the time to get a good bearing on personal values and identify the gaps

between what you value and how you are living. Crisis presents an opportunity to make changes. Here is a suggested

process for clarifying your values, assessing the gaps, and mapping out a plan for change.

INDIVIDUAL REFLECTION: START AT THE END

Seventeen hundred years ago, St. Augustine gave useful advice that is applicable today, “Start with the end in mind.”

Imagine you are turning 85 years old. People who care about you are hosting a party to honor you and your contribution

to the world. At this party, the five most important people in your life, representing family, friends, work, community,

and recipients of your service or philanthropy, are asked to speak about what they appreciate and value most about

you, and how you have contributed and made a difference in their life.

What would you hope you would hear from each of these people?

Person #1 Family:

Person #2 Friends:

Person #3 Work:

Person #4 Community:

Person #5 Service:


MEASURING SUCCESS

If you carefully consider what you want to be said of you at your funeral, you will find your own definition of success.

How do you define a successful life?


BEING AN INTEGRATED LEADER

Mahatma Gandhi once said, “A person cannot do right in one department whilst attempting to do wrong in another department.

Life is one indivisible whole.” One of the most important ways to amplify your impact on those you love and serve is to

move toward being an integrated human being. Take some time to reflect on the facets of your life, on what matters

most to you, on where you are finding fulfillment, and on what needs some attention.

Life Facets On a Scale of 1-10,

how would you rate

the importance of this

facet in your life now?

On a Scale of 1-10,

how would you rate

your current level of

fulfillment in this area?

What actions, if any, are

needed?

Inner Life

To what degree do you feel at peace with yourself - independent of your external environment? How contented are you? How do you nurture your inner life? How is your overall well-being?

Health How does your physical health help you be more integrated as a person? How is your energy level? What are your current health habits? Consider aspects of sleep, nutrition, and exercise.

Family What has meaning for you in your family relationships?

How do you ensure you make the time and create the space to be with your family members in a way that is important to you?

Friendships What does friendship mean to you? How do you define community?

Do you currently have an important community around you? How are you making time for the important friendships in your life?

Community and Contribution Why is contribution important to you?

In what ways do you serve your community? How does community service help you be a better leader?


Creativity How are you making time to awaken the artist in you? What does it mean for you to express your creativity? How, in your life, do you express yourself fully – without judgment, comparison, or evaluation? Creatively define creativity any way you want.

Financial Stability

What is your level of stress regarding your finances? What are your spending patterns? If you have debt, is it manageable? How honest are you with yourself and with the people who can help you? How much is enough?

Play and Renewal

“A little nonsense now and then, is

cherished by the wisest men.” – Roald

Dahl

How will you incorporate play into your life?

What is your process for self-renewal? How do you restore and sustain your energy?

Learning and Development What is your habit for ongoing learning and personal growth? What books are you reading? What courses are you enrolled in? What are you doing to carve out time to think and reflect? Where might some mentoring or coaching be valuable?

Purposeful Living

How clear is your sense of purpose? How does your work help you live a purpose-driven life (either at work or away from work)? How are you acting in stewardship with your gifts? How are you developing and expressing your unique gifts and abilities in the service of others?


III. NEEDS

From your values emerge needs. During times of disruption, leadership requires us to be strong – physically, mentally,

emotionally, and spiritually. Take a careful inventory of your personal needs in each of the following areas. Then

notice the gap between your needs and how you are living your life. Finally, make a plan to close that gap.

Stability and Sustainability: Physical Needs

On a Scale of 1-10, how

would you rate the

importance of this


On a Scale of 1-10,

how would you rate




needed?

Sleep Note that, especially in times of change, 7-8 hours sleep/night is highly recommended.

Exercise What kind of exercise supports you? How much do you need? What kind of structure/habits will work for you?

Nutrition What kinds of food give you energy? What kinds of food deplete your energy? What kind of structure/habits do you need?

Renewal What renews you? What brings you joy? What do you do for relaxation that restores your energy and satisfies you?


Support, Connection, and Importance: Emotional Needs


would you rate the

importance of this


On a Scale of 1-10,

how would you rate




needed?

Security What do you need to feel secure, and who do you feel safe and secure with? Who supports you to be who you are?

Valued Where and how do you feel respected, valued and important? Where do you go to feel a sense of worth?

Impact Where and how do you feel that you have a positive impact on others? How do you feel that you make a difference?

Connection What do you need to feel connected to others? Who do you feel connected to?


Structure and Self-Expression: Mental Needs


would you rate the

importance of this facet

in your life now?

On a Scale of 1-10,

how would you rate




needed?

Structure What is your need for structure and discipline? What kind(s) of structure support you (e.g. exercise, sleep, creativity, nutrition, etc.)?

Attitude How do you ensure a positive attitude – even amid grief and fear? How do you access a state of gratitude?

Creative Expression

How do you make room to express your creative urges? How do you cultivate creativity in your life?

Accountability What do you need to support you to be accountable for the agreements you make to yourself and others?


Security, Centering, and Significance: Spiritual Needs


would you rate the

importance of this


On a Scale of 1-10,

how would you rate




needed?

Centering How do you find serenity amid the chaos and upheaval of your mind? How do you center yourself? Where does faith, meditation, or prayer fit into your life?

Contribution What do you need to do to know that you make a difference in the world? What do you need to be of service to others?

Gifts What do you do well that you don’t remember learning? What are your unique gifts? How do you make a unique difference?

Passion What do you do that when you do it you lose all track of time? What is your passion? What brings you deep satisfaction?

Purpose Why do you get out of bed in the morning? What gets you up early? What keeps you up late? What is your sense of purpose?


IV. PURPOSE AND VISION

Leadership oftentimes is both a restorative and a consuming activity. Especially in times of upheaval and disruption,

people need your presence, compassion, inspiration, and vision. The practice of leadership requires, amid all the

expectations, purpose and vision, the capacity to find the values that make risk-taking meaningful. Once you get your

bearings in the aforementioned areas, a renewed sense of purpose and a restored vision for your own life and your

work will emerge. And this purpose and vision will impact the mission and aspiration you can then help recreate

authentically in your organization. But when you embrace the full spectrum of contemplation – a connection to your

inner state and the state of the people you serve, along with a careful evaluation of your values and needs - then your

re-formed purpose and vision will arise in a way that is real, honest, and sustainable. Your why will lead you to your way.


EXERCISE #1.

Take a few minutes to reflect on how going through these exercises has impacted your sense of purpose and your

vision. How has your reason for being and the vision of your life changed while going through these disrupted times?

How has it made you more authentic? And how has connecting with your authentic self made a difference to your

leadership and to your life?

EXERCISE #2.

Now that you have taken the time to go through the exercises, take some time to reflect on these questions: How

would you define success in your life? Why do you get out of bed in the morning? What is your sense of purpose?

How would you articulate a vision for your work and for your life?


CONCLUSION

When I was on my college track team, I was inspired by the volleyball coach. He had a mantra that guided all his

practices. Every time the ball came on our side of the net he would say, “use it.”

“The ball is not your enemy,” he would continually remind his team. “Don’t be in a hurry to get rid of it. Use it as a

way of developing your capacity.”

The memory of this mantra has given me strength amid our current life challenges. When the ball of a crisis is served

to your side of the net, remember: it is there as an opportunity – to develop new awareness, new skills, new capacity.

A crisis is a terrible thing to waste. It’s not your enemy. Use it. Don’t miss the opportunity that lies before you in the

disruptions in your life.

My mother, Joyce, was born shortly after the Spanish flu pandemic in 1921 and survived the days of diphtheria, scarlet

fever, whooping cough, and polio. Her sister died of bronchitis. Another died of a heart condition that would have

been treatable today. Joyce also lived through the Great Depression and WWII (where she lost a husband) and raised

a fatherless daughter for five years before meeting my father. She knew something about living through hardship,

uncertainty, and grief. I found this quote in Joyce’s journal, shortly after her death in 1999:

We are born, through the miracle of love into a world of joy and pain.

Our journey is a process of learning; our many experiences our

teachers…

We take from each experience the discovery of our capacity to deal

with what is.

Thus, we grow and learn anew… Each experience asks only that it be

appreciated and lived at that moment in time. For it will never come

again… Except in memory.

-Joyce Irvine

I think Joyce would have appreciated the wisdom that came to me years ago from one of my early mentors, Jim Rohn.

“Don’t pray for things to be easier,” he said. “Pray, instead, for you to be stronger.”

For additional complimentary resources to support your

authentic journey through these unprecedented disruptive

times, visit my website:

www.davidirvine.com/resources

For a complimentary coaching session or to help you assess

your current needs and challenges, please contact me.

Website: www.davidirvine.com Phone (Toll Free): 1-866-621-7008

Email: [email protected] Podcast: davidirvine.podbean.com

© 2020 by David Irvine. Permission to reprint and circulate is granted.

@davidjirvine

David Irvine

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David Irvine

navigating your way through chaos - david irvine · avid irvine navigating your way through chaos...

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