north shore children & families september 2012

FREE!North Shore

Children Families

www.northshorefamilies.com

& IN THIS ISSUE The online and print forum promoting the development of children, families and the parents who care for them.

Discipline:From Compliance toCooperation

Authority is Not a FourLetter Word

Controlling the Conditions of Children's Choice Making

Back to School:Saving Struggling Students

Making Homework Real

Community Calendar

Education Feature:Austin Preparatory School

Join Us at theNorth of BostonSecondary School Fair -see back cover!

SEPTEMBER 2012

Welcome Back to School!

BACK TOSCHOOL

Family & Friends

Continued on page 13

Welcome Back to School! • Celebrating My Aunt Jean

2 North Shore Children & Families

by Suzanne Provencher, Publisher

Hello, dear readers – Happy September!I hope you all had a wonderful summer– and I hope you are fully prepared foranother school year.

As we return to our fall routines,schedules, activities and responsibilities –we send the very best wishes to allNorth Shore children, parents, teachers,bus drivers, crossing guards, cafeteriaworkers and school support staffs – andplease remember to drive even moresafely than usual as our streets return toschool year status.

I’d also like to take a moment to thankall of the independent schools andothers who sponsor our North Shorefamily publication and make it possible.Whenever you can, please support oursponsors (and refer them to yourfriends and family!) and please thankthem for bringing North Shore

Children & Families to you and yourfamily each month. We could not dothis without all of you – our valuedadvertisers and readers – and we trulyappreciate your continued interest,engagement and valued support.

NEXT ISSUE HAS A BONUS DISTRIBUTION – NORTH OFBOSTON SCHOOL FAIR!

Our next issue (October 2012) will beavailable, along with yours truly and ourhot off the presses October issue, at theNorth of Boston Secondary SchoolFair on September 26 at AustinPreparatory School in Reading! Seeour back cover for a list of participatingschools and more event information.Parents – this is your chance to explorethe offerings of and meet with over 60private secondary schools in oneevening – and admission is free!Financial aid is available, and it doesn’t

cost a thing to explore your options foryour children, whether they will beentering high school next year or in afew years. It’s never too early to startplanning for your child’s secondaryschool education!

Advertisers and prospectiveadvertisers: If you’d like to advertise inour October issue and reach evenMORE engaged, interested North Shoreparents who are actively seekinginformation, you won’t want to miss ourOctober issue deadline (Sept. 12 if yourequire our ad production assistance)!Our October issue will have a bonusprinting and distribution at the North ofBoston Secondary School Fair for ourregular advertising rates – and this isyour chance to be “AT” this event,whether you are already exhibiting(great way to reinforce your messageand offerings in a trusted family

North Shore Speech TherapyWe are dedicated to providing you with

outstanding speech and language therapy services.

For more information or to schedule a consultation,

please call 617.529.1573

Blue Cross Blue Shield and Harvard Pilgrim

insurances accepted.

Jeannette Kahn MA, CCC-SLP

Certified Member of American Speech-Language and Hearing Association

www.northshorespeechtherapy.com1 R Newbury St., Suite 303

Peabody (junction of Route 1 & 128)

Where every child has a voice.

Join Us & Over 60 Schools at the Annual

North of Boston Secondary School Fair!September 26, 2012 • 6:30-8pm

at Austin Preparatory School in Reading

See our back cover for a list of the participating schools!

This is your chance to explore the offerings of over 60 secondary schools in one evening.

It’s never too early to start planning!

North Shore Children & Familieswww.northshorefamilies.com

We hope to see you there!

publication!) or especially if you will notbe there. Your ad in our October issuewill go home with hundreds ofinformation-seeking parents, so pleasecontact me by noon Wednesday,September 12, to participate in ourOctober issue. You can see ouradvertising rates, sizes, available discountsand more online – or contact me [email protected]. I willbe at this annual event, with our hot offthe presses October issue – and a fewother goodies to share. I hope you willjoin us!

*************************************I wanted to take a moment to tell youabout my Aunt Jean, who is turning 80this month. She is my mother’s oldersister – the matriarch of our family now.

Aunt Jean is an amazing woman. She hasoften been more like a mother to me –

North Shore Children & Families 3

Letter from the Editor

by Michael F. Mascolo, PhD

For some time, in these pages, I have worked to try to offer parents a series oftools for disciplining and socializing children. It’s not an easy thing to do (boththe disciplining and the writing about discipline). Parenting is a nuanced activity.And there is so much out there – much of it conflicting and contradictory –about what we should and should not do as parents. All of it – including whatyou read in these pages – is biased. There is no such thing as a “scientific”,“expert” or “value-neutral” approach to how to raise children. That’s whytalking about parenting can be such a dicey thing.

My biggest challengehas been how to find asimple way to describe(at least my ideas) onparenting in a way thatparents can findhelpful, remember anduse. The problem isthat parenting iscomplex. Every time Iseem to find what Ithink is a simple way

North Shore Children & Families

A publication of North Shore Ink, LLC© 2012. All rights reserved.

Reproduction in full or in part without written permission of the publisher is prohibited.

Suzanne M. ProvencherPublisher/Co-Founder/Managing Partner

[email protected]

Michael F. Mascolo, PhD Editor/Co-Founder/Partner

[email protected]

Designed by Group One GraphicsPrinted by Seacoast Media Group

Please see our Calendar in this issue for our upcoming deadlines.

Published and distributed monthly throughout the North Shore, 10x per year, and always online.

All articles are written by Michael F. Mascolo, PhD unless otherwise credited.

Information contained in NSC&F is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Individual readers are responsible for their use of any information provided. NSC&F is not liable or responsible for the effects of use of information contained in NSC&F.

Established 2007.

www.northshorefamilies.comP.O. Box 150

Nahant, MA 01908-0150781.584.4569

Where to Find UsNorth Shore Children & Families is available

at over 425 locations throughout the North Shore!

Our free, monthly parenting publication is available at North Shorelibraries, schools, pediatric doctor & dentist offices, hospitals, pre-schools,

children & family support services, retailers that cater to parents,children & thriving families, YMCAs, children’s activity & instruction

centers (dance, gymnastics, music, children’s gyms) and more!

You can find us from route 93 in Woburn – north to the Andovers & NH border –east to Newburyport & Salisbury – south to Gloucester & Cape Ann –

west to Malden & Medford and everywhere in between.

We’ve got the North Shore covered!

If you would like to be considered to host & distribute our freepublication each month from your family-friendly, North Shore

business location – or if you’re a reader who needs to finda location near you – please contact Suzanne:

[email protected] or 781.584.4569.

Discipline: From Compliance to Cooperation

Continued on page 4

to describe the process, some exception creeps into the mix; some complexityrears its head. The answer always seems to be, “Well, it depends…”

I tend to think about issues of discipline as having two basic “levels”. The first isthe basic level of limit setting and behavioral regulation; the second is the morecomplex level of what I call guided collaborative problem solving. I think that thefirst “level” provides the foundation for the second level. On the surface, thesetwo “levels” may seem contradictory. The first level is all about establishingeffective ways to prompt children to comply with family rules; the second levelis about how to guide the process of collaborating with children to solve themany different types of conflicts that arise between and among parents andchildren in everyday life. They seem different on the surface, but at their heart,they are the same.

In this issue, I’ve tried again to clarify and simplify some ideas about basic limitsetting and behavioral regulation. I’ve tried to simplify without being simplistic.In fact, I want to argue that much of our everyday thinking about parenting –the idea that rewards and punishments are effective disciplinary strategies – isfar too simplistic. I have attempted to describe an alternative approach thatshows the importance of focusing not simply on what children do (i.e., theirbehavior), but on why children do what they do (i.e., how children’s behavior isan expression of their interests – that is, their goals, motives and desires).

Open Classroom:Thursday, October 18

from 9 - 10:30 amCall to RSVP: 978-777-4699 ext. 12

487 Locust St., Danvers, MA978-777-4699 www.clarkschool.com


Letter from the EditorContinued from page 3

The basic point is this: We cannot control our children’s behavior directly. Wecan (and should), however, control how we respond to our children. Children,like anyone else, act on the basis of their interests (i.e., what they want in a givensituation). Although parents cannot control their children’s behavior directly,they can control the conditions under which their children are able to get whatthey want. A powerful strategy for obtaining compliance from children is simplyto make getting what a child wants contingent on performing correct behavior.If you want to go out and play, first you have to clean your room. If you wantme to attend to you, then you have to stop making those funny noises. Thisapproach is powerful because it uses the child’s own interests to motivatecompliance. When parents seize control over what children must do in orderto advance their own interests, they find that there is no need for punishmentand no need for the use of external rewards (e.g., stickers, prizes, money, etc.).

Compliance and Co-operation

In this issue, we will explain how to prompt compliance from children withoutthe use of external rewards and punishments. Some people might object to theword “compliance”. Many people prefer the term “co-operation” to“compliance”. I share the goal of developing the capacity for “co-operation” inchildren. However, much of the time, people use the word “co-operation”when they really mean “compliance”. When someone says, “Eric never listens!He just won’t co-operate!”, they tend to mean, “Eric isn’t doing what I want himto do.” That is a problem of compliance, not co-operation.

Co-operation is an interactive, two-way process. Co-operation means that twopeople are “operating” together. In order for two people to “operate

together”, they must both have aclear understanding of theirrespective roles and be able tocarry out those roles with respectto each other. For example, whentwo people co-operate in makinglunch, they are able to engage inthe mutual give-and-take ofnegotiating and coordinating whowill do what and when.

Young children are simply not ableto co-operate in this way. Theydon’t know the rules of the gameyet. They must first learn to“comply” with the basic rules ofsocial interaction before they areable to engage in the comparativelymore complex process ofcooperating with someone else.

We tend to substitute the word“co-operation” when we really mean “compliance” because it is not presentlyfashionable to think that children should “comply” with parental rules. (This isone of the reasons why we so often hear parents say, “That’s not okay” ratherthan “That’s wrong” or even “That is a bad thing to do”.) However, we oftenhave to learn to comply with basic rules before we are able to truly interactcooperatively with others. Compliance becomes a dirty word only when parentsare insensitive to a child’s interests and needs during disciplinary encounters, orwhen parents fail to give their children a voice in decisions that are within theirrange of competence.


Authority is Not a Four-Letter WordMarley was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt that Marley was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of thestory I am going to relate.

Oh wait, that’s Dickens. I didn’t mean to channel Dickens! I meant to writeabout discipline! Then why Marley? Well, many of us are holding on to somewell-intentioned but destructive ideas about parenting and discipline. Unlesswe kill those ideas, nothing good can come of the story that I am going torelate.

Each of the following is a variation of the idea that we have to kill:

• Parental authority is a bad thing. Who am I to impose my will on my child?

• When I assert my power or authority, I trample on my child’s rights.• If I put too many demands on my child, it will stunt his/her initiative and

creativity.• Allowing my child to make his/her own decisions will build autonomy

and independence.• Making my child feel good is being nice. Making my child feel bad is

being mean.

• My child’s needs are more important than my own.• Loving my child means giving him/her the best of everything.

Each of these statements is an understandable and well-intentioned reactionagainst authoritarian parenting – the idea that the parent is the boss. Today, weproperly recoil against “it’s my way or the highway” type of thinking. We areaware of the importance, for example, of considering the child’s perspectivewhen we make decisions about children.

However, in our quest not to be authoritarian, it is easy to forget that parentalauthority is not a bad thing! There is a difference between arbitrary andlegitimate authority. Tyrants and dictators are authoritarian because theirauthority is arbitrary. They set the rules because, well, they set the rules.Legitimate authority is that which accrues from one person’s greaterknowledge, responsibility, or (agreed-upon) status. A teacher has greaterauthority by virtue of her greater knowledge and her responsibility to teachthat knowledge. A police officer gains his authority through agreed-upon lawsand the consent of the governed. Parents have legitimate authority over theirchildren not only because of their greater knowledge but also by virtue of theirresponsibility to prepare their children for effective participation in society.

Thus, parents not only have the right but also the responsibility to place

Discipline

limitations on their child’sbehaviors. It is sometimesdifficult for parents to put limitson their children’s actions. Bydefinition, limit setting frustrates achild’s wants and desires andbrings about negative emotions.Many parents, reluctant to causenegative feelings in their children,may shy away from setting limits.

Perhaps the best argument forlimit setting comes from

understanding the self-defeating nature of the failure to set limits. Here arethree lines of thinking that tend to undermine limit setting in parents:

A good parent loves his/her children.When we love someone, we want to make that person happy.Limit setting frustrates children and makes them unhappy.Therefore, limit setting is bad.

A good parent respects his/her children.To respect others is to honor their capacity to make choices forthemselves.Limit setting involves imposing one person’s will onto another.Therefore, setting limits is bad.

A good parent encourages a child’s natural autonomy and creativity.Autonomy means allowing people to make their own decisions.Limit setting restricts a child’s autonomy and creativity.Therefore, setting limits is bad.

These arguments might seem to be convincing. However, each of them is onesided – they focus on the child’s needs at the expense of the needs of others! Thisis a formula for disaster. When we “give in” to unwarranted requests out of afear of thwarting a child’s autonomy, we teach the child to privilege his or herown needs over those of others! When we indulge a child by trying to avoidmaking him or her feel bad, we rob the child of the need to learn how to delaygratification and manage difficult emotions. When children are allowed toexercise their autonomy without restraint, they are never given the opportunityto allow their autonomy to rub up against that of others (like the parent).

The result is that our one-sided attempts to love, respect and promoteautonomy fail to teach children to extend these same acts to others. A childwithout limits is an entitled, unregulated and unhappy child who is unable to putthe needs of others behavior before his or her own.

Nothing good can come of the well-intentioned but faulty quest to reduce thepower differential between parents and children. It is time for this damagingidea to meet with its proper demise.


Fall Open House DateSunday, October 14, 2012

11:00am to 3:00pm

Fall Entrance Exam DatesSaturday, November 17, 2012 8:30am

Saturday, December 8, 2012 8:30am

Registration Deadlines:November Exam – Thursday, November 15, 2012

December Exam – Thursday, December 6, 2012Registration Online!

Application Deadline:Applications should be Postmarked no later

than Friday, December 21, 2012.

JLC ADVOCACYSpecial Education ConsultantAdvocate

Helping parents navigate the IEP process for children with special education needs.

Jody L. Crowther6 Perkins Lane, Lynnfield, MA 01940

Tel: 781-334-4363 Free Phone Consultation!



425 Rear Broadway (Rte. 1), Saugus • 781.231.1111www.roller-world.com • Air Conditioned

SKATING CENTER

PUBLIC SKATINGSun. 12 noon-6pm $7.50Tues. 4pm-8pm $7.50Fri. 3pm-11pm $7.50/8.50Sat. 12 noon-11pm $7.50/8.50

Skates included - blades $3.00

BIRTHDAY PARTIES!

NEWLY ADDED!

Includes large cake, candles, tablecloths,paper goods, 2 discount coupons for eachinvitee. Birthday Person receives 20 tokens & 100 redemption tickets for our Pro Shop and a gift from the skating rink.

Fund Raisers -$3.50/person,

includes skates.Call us to help you

raise money foryour school or

group!

Kids’ Bowling Alleys

A 130 lb. person burns 1,000 calories in

2 hours of moderateskating.

SCHOOL PARTIES!

Schedule Information 781-231-1111Birthday Party Line 781-233-3255

PRO SHOPBlades, Skates& AssociatedEquipmentWe service

what we sell.

Pay for College Without Going Broke

CLEAR VIEW WEALTH ADVISORS, LLCPlan Well. Invest Smart. Live Better.978-388-0020 or CollegeCashPro.comSteve Stanganelli, CFP®

Saving for College Isn’t Enough…

You Need a Plan!

Several convenient North Shore locations to serve you and your family.

Paying for College –a Retirement Problem…

Don’t just save or borrow! Make a plan!

Free Download at CollegeCashPro.com:

Insider Secrets to Reducing Your College Costs

It’s never too late … or too early.What if you could save thousands

on the cost of college and have more left for your retirement?

Lower the cost and avoid mistakes that may cost you thousands in aid,

scholarships and taxes!

Limited Time Offer:

$200 OFF Consulting Fee!

Call to start saving today!

Discipline

Controlling the Conditions of Children’s Choice MakingWhat works and what doesn’t work when disciplining children?Perhaps the most common way of thinking about discipline isthe old and clunky theory of reward and punishment.Reward the behavior that you want and punish thebehavior that you don’t want. This approach todiscipline is simple, common and just plainineffective.

We know that punishment doesn’twork, but it is so difficult to break outof the punishment pattern. Punishmentonly works in the short term – and thenonly when the punisher is present. Ifyou take away Harry’s toys when he hitshis sister, he may refrain from hitting herwhile you are standing there. However, thedistant threat of losing his toys is unlikely todeter Harry the next time he becomes angry withSally. We face the same problem when we userewards to prompt children to do the things we wantthem to do. Yes, Mable might clean her messy room whenshe knows she’ll get a prize at the end. But take away the

prize, and her room is back to its typical untidy state.

How do we prompt children to comply with parental rules? How do we stopthem from doing the things we don’t want them to do?

A Powerful Approach to Prompting Compliance in Your Children

I want to describe some very powerful ways to prompt your child to complywith your rules and requests. I’m going to lay out these strategies, step by step,and show why they are far superior to the typical “reward and punishment”approach. If you take the time to learn and practice these strategies, you willfind that you will have far fewer fights, struggles and intractable conflicts withyour child. You will have a calmer and more regulated household that will allowyou to engage in the types of loving interactions that you crave with yourchildren. Let’s start with a series of truisms.

Truism #1: You can’t control your child’s behavior. You can only controlyour own behavior. You can have a great deal of influence over your child bycontrolling how you respond to your child’s behavior.

Truism #2: Children act on the basis of their interests. This is a verysimple but profound point. If a child’s actions advance his/her interests, he/shewill repeat those actions and build upon them. If a child’s actions do not

Truism #1

Education Feature

Austin Preparatory School

The Two Most Lasting Gifts:

Roots and Wings, it is the cornerstone of how AustinPrep educates its students in grades 6 through 12.Founded in the traditions of the Augustinian Friars, areligious order founded in the 13th Century, AustinPrep still uses some of the earliest philosophical ideasbrought forward from Augustine of Hippo, the Order’sPatron, who lived in the 4th century AD. One of thebasic tenets of St.Augustine of Hippo, was “to lay first asolid foundation,” in order for a student to rise up andbe educated, he or she must have a solid educationalfoundation. Austin begins working with students asthey become adolescents, and as they begin to developa more developed and full understanding of theimportance of education. Augustine continued histhoughts on the education of young people by offeringthat young people needed to be fed, and nurtured tohelp them grow and become individuals able to thinkcritically and act justly in their grown up lives; “If youhave already taken on wings, let us nourish them. Maythese wings take to the heights to which you can fly.”With these two basic ideas, roots and wings,AustinPrep has set the course for the education of youngpeople since its founding 50 years ago in 1961.

Bringing Out the Best:

Our educational programs are geared toward bringingabout the best in college bound young men and youngwomen starting in grade 6 and moving all the waythrough senior year and graduation day. Weaccomplish the task of nurturing our students throughgenerous academic offerings made available in smallclasses, the average size class being 16 students. Astudent teacher ratio of 10:1 is unequalled by itsCatholic school peers, and places Austin Prep solidly inthe highly competitive pack of this region’s well known

private schools. The Austin Prepexperience cultivates all facets of astudent’s burgeoning self – moral, spiritual,social, physical and intellectual.

Who We Are:

Austin is a Catholic independent school inthe Augustinian tradition. Our familieshave found that in partnering with Austinthat the same values taught at home arereinforced and enhanced in our classes,daily activities, on the playing fields, inChapel time and in our science labs.Austin reinforces the belief that it is notonly a good thing to be smart, but it’s coolto be smart in school, to be a good kid,to try new things and to exploreopportunities as they present themselves.Our 6th through 12th grade continuumallows us to stay connected to our

students throughout the entirety of their adolescentdevelopment. Whether students enter Austin in theMiddle School or join us in their High Schoolyears, Austin friendships are life lasting ones.

Understanding Ourselves and the GreatCommandment:

Headmaster Paul J. Moran summed it up best at arecent Open House Program: “We try to help allof our students understand and appreciate theirgifts and those of their classmates and teachers.Using the academic and extra-curricularprograms, we try to inculcate self-confidence,respect, inter-dependence and a sense of moralpurpose. Our ultimate goal is to help young peoplelearn how to carry themselves as talented, purposeful,morally grounded people in a complex world. Really,it’s all about the relations among God, self andneighbor.”

3-90’s Each Day:

Austin uses a simplified Block schedule, offering a corecurriculum of 6 courses in a 6 day rotation. We offer 3 - 90 minute classes daily, adding in time for a 40minute Activity Period, and a 25 minute lunch. Studentscan focus on 3 major classes and have optimal face toface time with their teachers. Small classes encouragestudents to engage with each other, to ask and answerquestions, to offer ideas. With 90 minutes of teachertime, students know they will be challenged, and theycome to class better prepared to face these dailychallenges. They are more involved in their owneducation!

Rounding Out the Experience:

At Austin Prep our students can lift their voices in ourChorus, perform on stage in the Meelia Theatre, our

very own “black box” theatre, write an article for the Legend,our School newspaper, publish a poem in our literarymagazine, volunteer at a soup kitchen or Headstart program inLawrence or Lynn, match wits with peers in AcademicDecathlon competition, learn how to make a delicious crèmebrulée, take a hike up Mt. Monadnock, or send a rocket soaringabove the football field. Students can bring a life-long love of asport to one of our 17 inter-scholastic teams, or perhaps learna new sport along the way. All of our programs, be theyMiddle or High School level, engage our students and meetthem where they are and encourage and develop skills andenhance abilities. We especially understand the importance ofathletics in the lives of young people, and at Austin, everystudent, whether an accomplished athlete or interestedbeginner, is invited and welcomed to participate in ourinclusive and championship athletic program.

What’s Next:

Equipped with a solid high school experience, college is all thatsimpler! Our graduates continually tell us that their Austinstudies thoroughly prepared them for college work, while themoral code and educational system grounded in value basedlearning prepared them to be able to make good decisions forthemselves. Austin imparts a maturity of thought anddemeanor that ushers our students into responsibleadulthood.

The information contained in this education feature wassubmitted by Austin Preparatory School, and published inpartnership with North Shore Children & Families;www.northshorefamilies.com.

To learn more about this amazing experience and tobecome a part of our vibrant and growing community oflearners, contact the Admission Office, 781-944-4900, ext.834, or email Katie LeBlanc, assistant director of admission,[email protected]. Austin invites candidatesfor Middle School and High School to contact us nowthrough the early summer as we operate on a rollingadmission basis. If you are intending to apply during thetraditional admission season in the Fall of 2012, look forAustin Prep representatives at various School Fairs in theregion in September and October, and plan to visit ourOpen House in October.

For More Information:

^


Join Us at the North of BostonSecondary School Fair –

Sept. 26 – See Back Cover!


Controlling the ConditionsContinued from page 8


advance his/her interests, he/she willseek other actions that will.

This truism is illustrated in Figures 2and 3. In Figure 2, we see that Harrywants Sally’s toy. Harry’s interest isto get Sally’s toy. He finds that whenhe grabs the toy, he is able to get itfrom Sally. Because his actions weresuccessful, he is likely to repeat thisstrategy in the future. In Figure 3,we see a different outcome. Again,Harry wants Sally’s toy. He grabs itfrom her. However, this time, forsome reason (for example, Sally

won’t let him have it; a parent intervenes, etc.), Harry is unable to get the toyfrom Sally. In this situation, Harry’s action is ineffective in advancing his interests.At this point, Harry is likely to be motivated to find some other way to advancehis interests. However, while his failure to get the toy from Sally will motivateHarry to find another strategy to get the toy, he is unlikely to be able to createan effective strategy on his own. He will need some guidance and instructionabout acceptable and unacceptable strategies for advancing his interests.

Truism #3: Although you cannot control your child’s behavior, youcan control the conditions and consequences of the choices that yourchild makes. Now here is where we often go wrong. We say to ourselves,“Okay, children act on the basis of their interests (their wants, desires andgoals). So, if I give my child something he likes when he does what I want, he’ll

comply with my rules. If I give himsomething he doesn’t like when heviolates a rule, he’ll stop doing what I don’t want him to do.”

This is not what I mean when I saythat children act on the basis of theirinterests. Let’s say that Harry’s mompunished him by sending him to hisroom after he grabbed the toy fromSally. To be sure, Harry doesn’t likegoing to his room. But thisunpleasant consequence – going tohis room – is far removed fromHarry’s interests in this situation.Harry wants the toy. Being sent tohis room is only tangentially related,at best, to that which motivatesHarry’s behavior – his desire to getthe toy from Sally. Further, sendingHarry to his room fails to teachHarry how he can appropriately seekto obtain the toy that Sally is playingwith! To find out how to use yourchild’s own interests to motivatecompliance, read on!

Truism #4: To promptcompliance, make what your childwants in the situation contingenton doing the right thing.

Where is your son today?Where will he be in four years?

Malden Catholic High SchoolTODAY’S OUTSTANDING STUDENTS. TOMORROW’S OUTSTANDING LEADERS.

Open House – October 28Apply Online … Call About Entrance Test

Admissions: 781-475-5293 or www.maldencatholic.org

At Malden Catholic, young men thrive in a nurturing environment that fosters academic excellence, character formation and

personal achievement.

Our faculty have a passion for teaching and more than 70% hold advanced degrees. It makes a difference.

99% of Graduates Attend College$17 Million in 4-Year College Scholarships

Truism #3

Truism #2

Truism #4

A XAVERIAN BROTHERS SPONSORED SCHOOL SINCE 1932

y g


Note that Truism #4 (controlling theconditions and consequences of yourchild’s actions) is not the same asgiving children “rewards” for doingthe right thing or “punishments” fordoing the wrong thing. This isbecause “rewards” and“punishments” are external to yourchild’s primary interests in any givensituation. They are only relatedremotely (if at all) to the intereststhat motivate your child’s actions.This is shown in Figures I and II.Imagine that Harry’s mother sendshim to his room for grabbing the toyfrom his sister. Being sent to hisroom is related to Harry’s interests(that is, he doesn’t like being sent tohis room), but it is related tointerests that are very far removedfrom those that motivated him tograb the toy from his sister!

Similarly, imagine that Harry’s motherwants him to clean up his room.

and play. Harry’s mother might beable to get him to clean his roomby offering him a reward: “If youclean your room, you can get acandy bar.” However, thissolution gives Harry control overthe consequences of his choice ofwhether or not to clean his room.If he is willing to forgo the candy,Harry can simply decline to cleanhis room. Or worse – he mightbegin to bargain with his mom fora larger reward! Again, thepromise of a reward is many stepsremoved from Harry’s primaryinterests in this situation. IfHarry’s mother wants him to cleanhis room, the preferable strategy isto build upon Harry’s interests.What is Harry’s interest? To go outand play. The solution: “You can’tgo out to play until your room isclean.” Harry learns a lot fromthis situation: He learns to putbusiness before pleasure; he

Harry hates to clean his room, andwould much rather simply go out

develops skills for cleaning his room; andhe learns that mom means business.

12 North Shore Children & Families How would you feel if I grabbed the toy from you?”

Second, Harry’s mother uses Harry’s interest to her advantage. Harry is in ahighly motivated state: His mother has control over what he wants. At this point,the solution is simple: “If you want the toy, you must first apologize for grabbingit out of my hand. If you don’t apologize, you will not be able to play with thetoy.” Then Harry’s mother says, “If you want the toy, you must say ‘please’ andask me for it calmly. You won’t be allowed to play with the toy until you dothis.” By making access to the toy contingent on these actions, Harry’s motheris teaching him about the effect of his behavior on others, about how to makereparations after a wrongdoing, and how to advance his interests in anappropriate way.

What Do I Do If My Child Simply Refuses?

Up until this point, we have focused on the “positive” – what Harry wants. Wehave said, “You can’t get what you want until you comply with the rule.” Butwhat if Harry simply refuses? What if he says, “Okay, forget it! I don’t want thetoy. I won’t apologize! I won’t say ‘please’!” What do we do then? Is now thetime to punish?

(If we’ve played our cards right, most of the time, we won’t get to this point.The child will have learned that it is in his or her best interest to comply withthe stated rule. More importantly, the child will come to see that Mom andDad are really not mean, old ogres, but instead are on their side. Mom and Dadare not there simply to deny or punish; Mom and Dad are not there simply tostop the child from getting what he/she wants. Whenever possible, Mom andDad are there to help the child find appropriate ways to advance his or herinterests.)

But let’s say that we’ve got a power struggle on our hands. The key to solvingsuch a problem is to understand that Harry’s interests do not simply includewhat he wants, but also what he doesn’t want. Harry wants the toy. But what

Controlling the ConditionsContinued from page10

To prompt compliance, identify your child’s interests – that is, what he/shewants or doesn’t want – in the situation in question. Then, arrange the situationin such a way that your child only obtains what he or she wants (or avoid whathe/she doesn’t want) when he/she complies with your demand. Teach your childhow to obtain what he or she wants (or avoid what he/she doesn’t want) in anappropriate way.

This truism is illustrated in Figure 4. For the purposes of this step, let’s changethe situation just slightly. Let’simagine that it was Harry’smother who has the toy, andnot Sally. So, in this example,Harry grabs the toy out of hismother’s hand, rather thanfrom his sister. In Figure 4,when Harry grabs the toy, hismother does two things. First,she sees to it that Harry’saction does not advance hisinterests: She simply takes thetoy away from him. She thenexplains the nature of the rulethat Harry violated: “This isnot the way to get what youwant! I was holding the toy!

Truism #5


My Aunt JeanContinued from page 2

doesn’t he want? He doesn’t want many things. He doesn’t, for example, wantto sit alone with nothing to do and be ignored.

At this point, the solution becomes clear. It is shown in Figure 5. Harry needsto make a choice. He has the choice to either apologize and show that he canask politely, or else to sit alone, with nothing to do, until he is willing to do so.Note the important difference between this strategy and the use ofpunishment. Harry’s mother would be punishing him by requiring that he sit forsome period of time as a consequence of his behavior. In this situation, Harry isgiven the opportunity to escape from his unwanted circumstances. Producethe wanted behavior, and the unpleasant consequences go away. Punishmentsimply cannot motivate compliance in this way.

and one of my best friends, and I haverelied on her love, guidance and supportthroughout my life.

Aunt Jean has struggled with her healthin recent years, and I wish I could helpto take away her pain. She seldomcomplains – always has a smile andhearty laugh to share (which soundsmore and more like Nanna’s laugh as theyears pass) – and she is always kind andgenerous. I learned this from her. I’m sothankful for her.

We have travelled to New York to see

Broadway shows more times than I cancount. She was with me the first time Isaw my idol, Barbra Streisand, atMadison Square Garden on openingnight of her first “come back” tour. Wehave walked the streets of Times Square– Central Park – Rockefeller Center andbeyond – always making it a point tohave lunch at Tavern on the Green –shopping – museums – more shopping –and always having so much fun together.When I was a college student – we saw“Dreamgirls” with Jennifer Holliday inBoston – during the pre-Broadway testrun. We saw the original Effie, before iteven hit Broadway – from the secondrow. We still laugh when we think about

how Jennifer spit all over us with herpowerful rendition of “And I Am TellingYou I’m Not Going”, as we had tears inour eyes. We knew this would be a hugehit. And a few Broadway runs and amajor motion picture later, we wereright!

Throughout her life – she was alwaystaking one or more of her many niecesand nephews out to eat – her treat. Shewas an active participant in our lives –and still is. She never missed a birthdayor any other occasion. She was aconstant at our holiday tables until herson had his own family. In the earlyyears, we would camp together with myfamily at Eastern Slopes in NewHampshire. She never missed anopportunity to spoil us or spend timewith us. And just a few years ago, AuntJean and Aunt Shirley shared a campnear my parents’ camp in Kennebunk,and until Shirley – who was Jean’s bestfriend and partner in crime – passedaway suddenly a few years ago, creating ahuge void in all of our lives. Butespecially in Aunt Jean’s. She is a verystrong lady. She has endured andovercome many struggles along her way.

And yet Jean still smiles. She is stillhappy and loving and kind. She is littleand cute. And I love her very much. Icannot imagine my life without her.

With tears in my eyes as I type – with aheart so full of gratitude and love and amultitude of wonderful memories thatinclude her and that I have because ofher – I say, “Thank you for everything,Aunt Jean – and a very Happy 80th

Birthday to you – with a wish for manymore to come”! You have been a greatcompass in my life, and a safety net alongmy way. You have showed me how to bean amazing Aunt – and a good person.As you reach your 80th year, wecelebrate you and all that you mean to us.

Dear readers, I hope you enjoy this issue– and the new school year! And if youhave a special Aunt Jean in your life – Ihope you will take a moment to tell her,even if she already knows.

Until Next Month –

[email protected]


Back To School

Except Barry failed. He didn’t fail myclass – he failed his first year ofcollege. His grades were so low thathe couldn’t remain in college. Thefunding was only there if he had metcertain minimal requirements. Hedidn’t. It broke my heart.

Struggling Students NeedSomeone to be Accountable To

How could such a charismatic, silver-tongued guy – someone who thrivedin the theater – fail his first year ofcollege when he had access to somany support systems? Well, onereason was because he was acharismatic, silver-tongued guy. I havea feeling that over the course of hiseducation, many of his teachers gavehim the benefit of the doubt and lethim slip by. They could see his latenttalent, I think, but felt that they weredoing him a favor by pushing himforward. After all, he had come so farand had few advantages.

periodically check up on Barry’sprogress.

The second you met Barry, you knewthat there was something there. Unlikemany students, he was interested inideas. Give this young man an idea andhe’d play with it, wrestle with it andcontinue grappling until he molded itinto something new. I would delight inthe enthusiasm that gave life to hisengagement with novel ideas.

But it was his smile and his eyes thattold the real story. I asked him to readaloud a passage from one of the greats.He read slowly with a rhythmiccadence, his right hand counting outeach beat as if he were a conductor ofthe words on the page. When hereached the end of the passage, hesmiled in contentment. His facerelaxed. He sat back and said, “Wow,that’s amazing”, as if he had just seen theworld in a new light. What could bemore rewarding to a teacher?

Struggling students need someoneto whom they can be accountable.

Let me tell you a story. I teach aseminar for college students whowould not ordinarily have gainedadmission to school. The class isdesigned to teach students some ofthe basic skills that many of themlack – writing, readingcomprehension, organizational skillsand so forth, while at the same timeengaging them in college level work.

Barry was a student in my class. Hewas one of two African-Americanstudents in the program. He wasraised by a flock of foster parents. As a ward of the state, theCommonwealth of Massachusettspaid Barry’s tuition so long as hemaintained a minimal grade pointaverage. A caseworker would

Saving Struggling Students


But therein lies the problem. AlthoughBarry could talk his way throughanything, he lacked some of the mostbasic skills – coming to class; dealingwith difficult and even “boring” tasks;completing homework; schedulingtime for study; showing up for theextra support services that wereavailable to him.

Barry didn’t have a strong work ethic.We can blame him for that if we wish,but I don’t think we should. I thinkthat Barry’s failure was born of fear – afear that even if he put forth theeffort, he would fail anyway. He had asense that what was being asked ofhim was simply too difficult, and hedidn’t have the essential experiencesof having someone show him how towork through his difficulties and reachconcrete success.

What does this mean? Personalresponsibility is essential for success inany endeavor. However, what do wedo when a person does not have theskills it takes to be personallyresponsible for a given task? What dowe do with a student like Barry, who,out of fear, found the task of simplygoing to class overwhelming? Theanswer is not merely to say, “Assumeresponsibility! Overcome your fear!”You can’t fix something you don’t havethe skills to fix, no matter how simpleit seems. Instead, we not only have todemand that Barry rise to theoccasion, but we also have to showhim how.

We are confronted with a seemingparadox: We do not learn to be

responsible for any given action all byourselves. In development, we mustfirst be accountable to others whoguide, support, cajole, direct and evendemand that we take the stepsnecessary to meet high expectations.It is only after we are successfullyaccountable to others that we can beresponsible for performing thoseactions by and for ourselves.

To be sure, Barry failed to takeresponsibility for his education.However, we also failed Barry. Wefailed Barry by treating him as aresponsible adult when, in fact, he wasnot. We made a variety of supportsavailable to Barry, but we did notrequire that he use them. Instead, weleft Barry to his own (irresponsible)devices. These days, colleges tend togive students a great deal of freedomto choose or not to choose what isgood for them. However, in treatingBarry as a responsible adult, we gaveBarry the freedom to fail.

What should we have done? Weshould have set Barry up with amentor with both the responsibility tomonitor Barry’s progress and thepower to hold Barry accountable todo whatever was needed to ensuresuccess. I like to think of a goodmentor as a wise and lovinggrandmother – with teeth. She is wisebecause she knows what needs to bedone. She is loving because it is onlythrough being understood and caredfor that we develop. However, she hasteeth in the sense that she has thepower and will to come down hard onBarry whenever he steps out of line.


50% OFF

YOUR INITIAL

REGISTRATION FEE*

*New registrations only

Back To School

Making Homework RealWe’re back in school and thehomework wars are alive and well.Some people say our children aregetting too much homework – thatchildren are up late completing hoursof homework every night. Many inthis camp worry that the standards ofachievement for our children havebeen ratcheted up too high. Theyworry that students are experiencingundue levels of stress as they work togain entry into the best colleges.

Others say that students are notprovided with enough homework.These folks tend to believe thathomework is necessary to supplementthe limited amount of time thatstudents spend in school. For theseteachers and parents, homework is anessential part of the learning process.

Still others complain of the quality ofthe homework that is given tochildren; they suggest that whatstudents do at home amounts to somuch busywork that contributes littleto learning.

There is great variability in both theamount and quality of homework thatteachers assign. Of course, teacherstend to assign more homework withinincreasing grades. Beyond that,however, districts that serve wealthierand more educated families tend toassign more homework than dodistricts that serve poorer and lesswell-educated communities. In manyless educated communities, teacherscomplain that many students ignoretheir homework or are otherwiseunable to complete it. Many such

students often lack access toindividuals who are able to assist themwith homework or otherwisestructure their out-of-school academicactivities.

Homework Should be an IntegralPart of Learning

“Do not handicap your children bymaking their lives easy.”

~ Robert A. Heinlein

Learning is not something thathappens at prescribed times duringthe day. Schools are the primarysetting for academic learning; butschools cannot do the job of educatingchildren themselves. Learning mustextend beyond the school to thehome, to extra-curricular activities,and even to the community at large.

Homework is an essential part of thatprocess. However, the homeworkmust be of high quality. Homework

for the sake of homework is a uselessactivity. But what is qualityhomework? Quality homework ishomework that teaches.

We often think that learning happenswhen a teacher talks and a studenttakes in what the teacher says. To anextent, this is true. But it is only thestart. Genuine learning occurs bydoing. We must actively put intopractice what has been taught in class.It is only in the active doing thatchildren are required to put together allof the parts and pieces of a task orskill.

Quality homework consists ofassignments that, when studentsperform them, force them to bringinformation, knowledge and skillstogether, in the completion of sometask. Quality homework is work thatis systematically tied to the themesand lessons that are being taught in

North Shore Children & Families 17the classroom. It is not random orcatch-as-catch-can. Qualityhomework involves tasks that teach orconsolidate knowledge and skills thatwill be employed in some way in theclassroom and beyond.

Quality homework can include readingassignments (especially when studentsare provided with questions to answerthat organize their understanding of areading); projects that requireintegration of multiple sources ofknowledge and skill; tasks that involveapplying existing knowledge to novelproblems and situations; and practiceof existing skills.

Practice of existing skills is animportant form of homework. Wenever really learn anything withoutpractice. This is true of any skill. Aparticularly clear example of howpractice makes perfect occurs inmathematics. Of the most commonerrors children make when they beginto learn arithmetic involves skippingsteps. Children often try to completea problem in their heads withoutshowing their work. When they do

this, they often forget steps and endup with the wrong answer. There isbut one solution to this problem:Practice.

Should Children Get HelpCompleting Their Homework?

“It is not what you do for your childrenbut what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them

successful human beings.” ~ Ann Landers

Another controversy abouthomework involves whether or notparents should help children with theirhomework. Some might argue thathomework is something that childrenshould be able to do themselves.

We learn what we do – andparticularly what we do with others.When we work with other people, wetypically perform at higher levels thanwe are capable of achieving whenworking alone. This makes sense. Ifsomeone is helping me perform aproblem that I do not know how todo – say, by pointing out a step that Imissed in a math problem – then I will

be able to solve a problem that Iwould not ordinarily be able to solveby myself. In this way, working withother people pulls us up. We becomebigger than ourselves, and, as a result,we learn more. When we become“bigger than ourselves” with someoneelse, the other person is actually

helping us to grow into that biggerself.

What good is homework that doesnot provide a challenge to a student?If it does not pose a challenge, it is notlikely to be worthwhile. And if a taskis challenging, chances are that the


Kindergarten & Nursery Enrollment –Applications Available for Limited Spaces

Parent & Child Registration Open for Fall Session


Beverly Children’s Learning CenterEarly Education & Childcare

Infants • Toddlers • Pre-School • Pre-K

Using the nationally acclaimed Creative Curriculum.

Introducing Kid-Fit classes this fall!

Preparing children for success in kindergarten & beyond

600 Cummings Center, Beverly(978) 927-1269 www.bclckids.org

Center-based & family day care

Accredited by

• Affordable • Sliding Scale

Open 7 a.m. to 6 p.m.

Making Homework RealContinued from page17

student can benefit from assistance.The only possible exception to thisrule occurs when children practice

existing skills. But this is really not anexception. Practice is essential in

consolidating our skills andmaking them automatic.Practice plays a key role inlearning.

Some people might worry thathelping children withhomework is dishonest. Theymay feel that helping a studentmeans that the student has notproduced his or her ownwork. But there are severalreasons why this should not bea worry to parents. First, if wewant to see what students cando by themselves, we givethem a test. That is thepurpose of a test. Homeworkis not – or at least should notordinarily be – a test.Homework is work one doesat home that supportslearning. If learning is the goal,

then assistance can never be bad.

Second, there is a world of differencebetween assisting a child with

homework and doing the homework forthe child. Many well-intentionedparents fall into the trap of doing largeparts of the homework for a child,especially when it comes to largeprojects. (I remember when my father– a master carpenter – built abeautifully crafted wooden playhousefor me as part of a school project fora social studies class. I was (and stillam) proud of my father’s work on thathouse! But even then, I was acutelyaware that there was more than a bitof pretense on everyone’s part when Ipassed in that work as my project.)Assisting a child with a projectincludes breaking the project intoparts; brainstorming about what isneeded and how to complete theproject; pointing out places whereimprovement is required; and evenproviding instruction about how to doparts of the task. However, actuallydoing those parts for the child robshim or her of the learning experiencethat is the essence of qualityhomework.

When it comes to large projects, well-intentioned parents also fall into the

opposite trap – helping children by“doing too little”. Quite often, parentsassume that because a given project isthe responsibility of the student, thatthe student should be free to make allof the choices on the specifics of aproject. For example, if the project isto select a book and write a bookreport, the parent might feel that thechild should be free to pick whateverbook he or she prefers and to write inany way that he or she sees fit.However, as we all know, manychildren will often choose the path ofleast resistance. A child might preferto “read” a book that he or she hasalready read, or to read a simplerrather than more complex book.While we may wish to make thedecision of what book to read jointly,insisting that a child perform tasksbeyond his or her comfort zone issomething that is in the repertoire ofmost good parents.

Real homework is not busywork. Realhomework teaches. If your child isnot getting real homework, it is alwaysin your prerogative to help make itreal.



Cohen Hillel AcademyThe Jewish Day School of the North Shore

OPEN HOUSESunday, October 21st

1 - 3 PM

• Meet our new Head of School,Noah Hartman

• Experience a vibrant Jewish DaySchool community

• Learn about our dynamic Kindergarten through Grade 8 program

Engaging minds • Inspiring for life

6 Community Road, Marblehead • www.cohenhillel.org • 781.639.2880

Cohen Hillel Academy

Community CalendarTo Submit to our Community Calendar:Please visit us at www.northshorefamilies.com and submit your listings directly through our website.From our Home Page – click on Calendar – then click on Submit in the upper right corner and our formwill open for you to complete and submit your listings.

While we will make every attempt to post all appropriate listings in our Community Calendar, space islimited – and priority will be given to those events that are free and family-friendly – and those submitted byour advertising partners & sponsors.

Calendar listings are generally due by the 15th of each month prior and must be submittedthrough our website. If you need to guarantee that your listing will be posted – please contact Suzanne toadvertise. See our current Calendar for our upcoming issue deadlines.

To advertise, please contact Suzanne at [email protected] or 781.584.4569.

For complete listing accuracy, werecommend that you call ahead orcheck the websites listed. Featuredlistings do not constitute anendorsement from this publisher andwe encourage our readers to alwaysdo their own research.

Welcome Back to School! Pleasedrive and play safely!

September is the month for:Classical Music, Hispanic Heritage,Fall Hats, Courtesy, Pianos, BabySafety, Little League, Honey, SelfImprovement, Better Breakfasts

SAVE THE DATE!

North of Boston SecondarySchool Fair will be held onSeptember 26, 6:30-8pm; hostedby/at Austin Preparatory School inReading. Over 60 privatesecondary schools will berepresented! See ad on backcover! Meet Suzanne from NSC&F!

UNIQUE GIFT IDEA/WORDSFOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS:

Personalized Poems & Prose bySuzanne – the perfect words toenhance any special occasion.Personalized poems as gifts, clever

verses for invitations, speeches,toasts, roasts and poignanteulogies. See ad on page 20!

SAVE NOW:

Enroll at Boston School of BalletNorth Shore Studio by Sept. 4 –save $50! For ages 15 mos. – adult; seead on page 5!

50% off initial registration fee(new registrations only) at NextGeneration Children’s Centers,with locations in Beverly &Andover. See ad on page 16!www.ngccenters.com

$200 Off – limited time offer! Pay for College Without GoingBroke, Clear View Wealth Advisorscan help you & your family! See adon page 8; free download atCollegeCashPro.com.

$25 off your first month of lessonsor free registration – at DeAngelisSchool of Music and Dance,Haverhill. See ad with coupons onpage 6; offers expire 9/30/12.www.dsrocks.com

SIGN UP TODAY:

Parent & Child Program, Fall 2012 Registration is Open! Call 978.927.1936; forparents/caregivers with childrenages 10 months – 3.5 years (inSept.). At Cape Ann WaldorfSchool, Moraine Farm, Rte. 97,Beverly. “Morning Glory” &“Bachelor’s Button” classes feature acommunity of parents and childrenenjoying play, bread making, circlegames, snack and conversation. Space islimited so call to register today!www.capeannwaldorf.org

Early Education & Childcare atBeverly Children’s LearningCenter; for infants, toddlers, pre-school & pre-K. Kid-Fit classescoming this fall! NAEYC accredited;affordable, sliding scale. See ad on page18. At 600 Cummings Center, Beverly.www.bclckids.org

SoccerTots at Danvers IndoorSports, a fun & engaging physicaldevelopment program using games &

Community CalendarContinued from page 19


Oceanfront Splendor...Magnificent Views...Elegant & Affordable

North Shore's best kept secret & the perfect location for:

• Weddings, Showers• Birthdays, Sweet 16s

• Bar/Bat Mitzvahs• Anniversaries

• All Special Occasions• Wedding & Function Packages• Many Menus to Choose From

The

Baysideof Nahant

781.592.3080One Range Road, Nahant

www.baysidefunctions.com

Personalized Poems & Prose

by SuzanneFor Gifts

A Personalized PoemMakes a Perfect Gift

for Any Special Occasion

For InvitationsClever, Custom Verses

for Your Invitations & Thank You Notes

For EventsSpeeches, Toasts & Roasts

781.584.4569 suzanne

@northshorefamilies.com

Have an Awesome BirthdayBash at The Little Gym!

· Private party – clean, safe, beautiful facility all to yourselves.

· Instructor led – great age-appropriategames and activities.

· Stress-free for parents…we take care of EVERYTHING!Call for details.

The Little Gym of Danvers978.777.7977

www.tlgdanversma.com

The Little Gym of Woburn781.933.3388 • www.tlgwoburnma.com

The North Shore Party PlannerTo advertise, please contact [email protected].

Birthday Party onRoller Skates!

Roller World, Saugus

781.233.9507Party Line

BOOSTYour

PARTYBusiness

HERE!

OCTOBER ISSUEDEADLINES!

If you need ad productionassistance

Ad Space ClosesWed., Sept. 12

If you do not need ad production assistanceAd Space Closes

Noon, Fri., Sept. 14

Oct. Calendar ListingsDue By September 18

Please submit your listings directly through our website.

To secure your ad space:

[email protected]

781.584.4569

Celebrate your birthday withBoston Ballet! Parties for up to 30

children include a ballet class, dressup station, craft activity and more!

[email protected]

activities based around soccer. For girls & boys 18 months to 6 years;see ad on page 2.www.aztecsoccer.com/TOTS_NSCF

Openings for Infants, Toddlers &School Age Children at MissWendy’s Childcare, Salem. See ad on page 23!

ENROLL NOW:

Most of our schools, earlychildhood educators and daycaresare enrolling NOW for fall 2012!See specific ad for more info. &sign up today! Check out all of theopen houses we have coming up!

Beverly Children’s LearningCenter brings Kid-Fit to Beverly!Weekly exercise classes (6 weeksessions) in its pre-school beg. this fall.See ad on page 18; www.bclckids.org.

FREE:

Call today to schedule a FREEintroductory class at The LittleGym! Danvers: 978.777.7977; Woburn:781.933.3388.

FUN & FITNESS/BIRTHDAYPARTIES:

Check out the new and improvedRoller World Skating Center,route 1, Saugus! Newly added kids’bowling alleys, public skating, pro shop,birthday & school parties and more!See ad on page 8! www.roller-world.com

Host your child’s next birthdayparty at Boston Ballet School,Marblehead! See North Shore PartyPlanner ad on page 20!

The Little Gym, Danvers &Woburn – a great place to hostyour little ones next birthday!See North Shore Party Planner ad on page 20!

GET TICKETS NOW:

Tickets available Sept. 1:Brookwood School’s 4 to 14Speaker Series: ParentingElementary School Kids, featuringaward-winning journalist & best-selling author Ashley Merrymanon Oct. 9 at 7pm; $10 per person($15 for 2-event series), limited seatingavailable. See ad on page 12.www.brookwood.edu

Children’s Friend & FamilyServices 175th Celebration, Sept.13, 5:30-8pm; $50pp, for adults. At Hamilton Hall, Salem. For tix, to donate & for more info.:www.childrensfriend.net. Helpingchildren & families on the North Shoreand in Merrimack Valley for 175 years!

Up With People presents Voices,on Sept. 7 + 8, 7pm, at Hamilton-Wenham Regional High School, So. Hamilton. $20/adults/advance,$25/adults/at door;children/students/seniors $15/advance, $20 at door. Fun for all ages; for tix:.www.upwithpeople.org/hamilton - or at Connolly’s Pharmacy/Hamilton,Wenham Teahouse or Henry’sMarket/Beverly.

Explosao Gospel, Sept. 1; Foreigner,Sept. 20; Iconos “El Tour”, Sept. 28;Prince Royce, Sept. 29; Jethro Tull’sIan Anderson, Oct. 3; Jose LuisPerales, Oct. 21; Roger Hodgson, thelegendary voice of Supertramp, Nov.4; The Imperial Acrobats of China,Nov. 11; Get the LED Out!, Nov. 16;Kenny Rogers, Dec. 22.At Lynn Auditorium:www.lynnauditorium.com.

Theresa Caputo: Long IslandMedium, Sept. 8; Dennis Miller Live,Oct. 25, at Lowell Auditorium. Ticketsat www.lowellauditorium.com.

The Art & Honor of TeachingFundraiser Auction, Oct. 11, 6-9pm, at Prince Pizzeria/GigglesComedy Club, route 1, Saugus. Tix are $30pp, available atwww.playitforwardgc.org.

WEDNESDAYS:

Museum Enrichment Series forAdults at Lynn Museum, 2nd Wed. ofeach month at noon, Sept.-Dec.; freefor adults. Bring your lunch – featuresguest speakers, authors, films,discussions & more. Call 781.581.6200to reserve your space; coffee & soft drinks provided.www.lynnmuseum.org

FRIDAYS:

Stargazing at the GillilandObservatory, free, every Friday8:30-10pm, weather permitting; atMuseum of Science, Boston. Call617.589.0267 – updated every Fri. at5:30pm, with info. about that night’sobserving session. www.mos.org

Good Luck@School!


To advertise, [email protected]!If you need our ad productionassistance, please confirm your adsize and submit your ad materials byWed., September 12 at noon!You can see our regular display adrates, sizes, available discounts & moreat www.northshorefamilies.com.

Happy 80th Birthday, Aunt Jean!

SEPTEMBER 15:

Double the Stuff Tag Sale (gentlyused children’s toys, clothing &equipment), 9:30am-12noon; $1, allages. At 467 Main St., Wakefield. By No.Suburban Parents of Multiples:www.nspom.org/sale.

SEPTEMBER 16:

Rosh Hashanah begins at sundown.

Step Family Day; National Women’sFriendship Day; Working Parents’Day

You can see our display ad rates, sizes,available discounts & more atwww.northshorefamilies.com or [email protected].

The Rainforest Reptile Show,4:30pm, free for all ages; at 0 LundtSt., Byfield. www.newburylibrary.org

SEPTEMBER 13:

Positive Thinking Day

Children’s Friend & FamilyServices 175th Celebration, 5:30-8pm; $50pp, for adults. At HamiltonHall, Salem. For tix, to donate & formore info.: www.childrensfriend.net.Helping children & families on theNorth Shore and in Merrimack Valleyfor 175 years!

SEPTEMBER 14 (NOON):

AD DEADLINE: FINALAdvertising SpaceReservation DEADLINE atNOON for ALL ADS in ourOCTOBER issue!

Regional High School, So. Hamilton.$20/adults/advance, $25/adults/at door;children/students/seniors $15/advance, $20 at door. Fun for all ages; for tix:.www.upwithpeople.org/hamilton - or at Connolly’s Pharmacy/Hamilton,Wenham Teahouse or Henry’sMarket/Beverly.

SEPTEMBER 8:

International Literacy Day

SEPTEMBER 9:

Happy 50th Birthday, Laurie a/k/a Lorelei!

Happy Grandparents’ Day!

SEPTEMBER 10:

Happy 18th Anniversary, Miss Wendy & Jim!

SEPTEMBER 12 (NOON):

AD DEADLINE: If you need toadvertise in our OCTOBERissue, and if you need our adproduction assistance, pleaseconfirm your ad size andsubmit your ad materials byNOON TODAY!

SEPTEMBER 3:

Happy Labor Day!

SEPTEMBER 4:

To all North Shore students, parents,teachers & school staff – we sendyou the very best wishes for awonderful school year!

Newspaper Carrier Day

Boston Ballet School North ShoreStudio Open House, 5:30-7pm,free for all ages. At 40 Leggs Hill Rd.,Marblehead (Lynch/van OtterlooYMCA). Register for fall classes, try achildren’s class (ages 4-7), 5:45pm; meetfaculty, tour facility, purchase dress codeitems, learn to make a bun, contest towin a ballerina birthday party, take anAdult Intro to Ballet class, 6:30pm; seead on page 5. Open House also atNewton Studio (5-6:30pm) and BostonStudio (4:30-6pm).www.bostonballet.org/school

SEPTEMBER 6:

Read A Book Day

SEPTEMBER 7 + 8:

Up With People presents Voices,7pm, at Hamilton-Wenham Continued on page 22


Issue Ad Space Deadline Ads Due

October Fri., Sept. 14 Tues., Sept. 18November Fri., Oct. 19 Tues., Oct. 23Winter (Dec./Jan.) Fri., Nov. 16 Tues., Nov. 20

2012 PUBLISHING SCHEDULE

Attention Advertisers: Ask us about our …… “Try Us!” program for new advertisers

… Annual advertising frequency programs… The Annual Planner for Schools program… The North Shore Party Planner program

… Annual Summer Camps & Programs Showcase series

… Service DirectoryTarget your message to North Shore parents.

We’ve got the North Shore covered!

To explore your advertising options or to secure your space, please contact Suzanne at 781.584.4569 or

[email protected] learn more, please visit

www.northshorefamilies.com.

North Shore Children & Families is available for free each month at over 425 family-frequented locations throughout the North Shore!BOOST YOUR ENROLLMENTS! PROMOTE YOUR:

• OPEN HOUSES• COMMUNITY ENRICHMENT PROGRAMS

• SPECIAL EVENTS & FUNDRAISERS• SEASONAL PROGRAMS• SCHOOL PRODUCTIONS

North Shore Chil dren & Families presents

The Annual Planner – for North Shore Schools!

We Help North Shore Schools!

Ask about our 10x/every issue, 1/4 page+ program –

which earns a full page, editorial featurebonus ($1,700 value) for schools!

To secure your Annual Planner Advertising Program and save, please contactSuzanne at 781.584.4569 or [email protected].

Commit to 6 display ads in the coming year – save 15%!(Reg. frequency discount for 6x/year is 10%.)

Commit to 10 display ads in the coming year – one in every issue – save 20%!

(Reg. frequency discount for 10x/year is 15%.)

SEPTEMBER 17:Constitution Day; Citizenship Day

SEPTEMBER 18:Community Calendar listings’DEADLINE at NOON for ourOCTOBER issue! Please submityour listings for October eventsdirectly through our website (seebeg. of this Calendar for details).

Catholic High School InformationNight, 6pm, free for middle schoolstudents & parents; at Malden CatholicHigh School, 99 Crystal St.www.maldencatholic.org

SEPTEMBER 19:More Than a Number, PanelDiscussion, time TBD; free for adultsat Lynn Museum. Panel discussion withnoted experts on the “Killing Fields” ofCambodia, including local survivorswho make their home on the NorthShore. www.lynnmuseum.org

SEPTEMBER 21:International Peace Day; World Gratitude Day

Trails & Sails Tours at LynnMuseum, 1-2pm & 3-4pm; free for allages. www.lynnmuseum.org

SEPTEMBER 22:Autumnal Equinox; fall begins!Business Women’s Day; Oktoberfest begins

Fall Sale of Gently Used Children’sItems by MA Mothers of Twins,9:30am-1pm; $1pp, under 14 free. At 80Skillings Rd., Winchester. www.mmota-founding.org

SEPTEMBER 26:North of Boston SecondarySchool Fair, 6:30-8pm, hostedby/at Austin PreparatorySchool in Reading. Over 60private secondary schools willbe represented! See ad onback cover! Meet Suzannefrom NSC&F!

SEPTEMBER 27:Happy Birthday to my Dad! You arethe best father a girl could hope for!

SEPTEMBER 28:National Good Neighbor Day

Topfield Fair begins; through Oct. 8. www.topsfieldfair.org

Trails & Sails Tours at LynnMuseum, 1-2pm & 3-4pm; free for allages. www.lynnmuseum.org

SEPTEMBER 29:More Than a Number CambodianFamily Fest at Lynn Museum &Historical Society; 12-4pm. Free forall ages; features Cambodian culture,activities & more.www.lynnmuseum.org

SEPTEMBER 30:Sukkot begins at sundown.

Yom Kippur

OCTOBER 9:Tickets available Sept. 1:Brookwood School’s 4 to 14Speaker Series: ParentingElementary School Kids, featuringaward-winning journalist & best-selling author Ashley Merryman at7pm; $10 per person ($15 for 2-eventseries), limited seating available. See adon page 12. www.brookwood.edu

OCTOBER 11:The Art & Honor of TeachingFundraiser Auction, 6-9pm, at

Prince Pizzeria/Giggles Comedy Club,route 1, Saugus. Tix are $30pp, availableat www.playitforwardgc.org.

OCTOBER 14:

Fall Open House at AustinPreparatory School, Reading,11am-3pm.www.austinprepschool.org

OCTOBER 18:

Open House at Clark School,Danvers, 9-10:30am.www.clarkschool.com

OCTOBER 21:

Open House at Cohen HillelAcademy, Marblehead, 1-3pm.www.cohenhillel.org

OCTOBER 23:

Open House at CovenantChristian Academy, West Peabody,6-8pm.www.covenantchristianacademy.org

Open House at Waring School,Beverly. www.waringschool.org

OCTOBER 28:Open House at Malden CatholicHigh School, Malden.www.maldencatholic.org

Community CalendarContinued from page 21

North Shore Children & Families 23Service Directory

COLLEGE SAVINGS PLANS

DANCE INSTRUCTION

ENTERTAINMENT

GIFTS/SPECIAL OCCASIONS

Personalized Poems& Prose by SuzanneSpeeches, eulogies, gifts,

verses for invitations, etc.See ad on page 20!

FUN & FITNESS

EARLY EDUCATION

Beverly Children’s Learning CenterBeverly • 978.927.1269

www.bclckids.orgSee ad on page 18!

Next Generation Children’s CentersLocations include Andover & Beverly

866.711.NGCCwww.ngccenters.com

Boston Ballet School/NS StudioMarblehead

781.456.6333www.bostonballet.org/school

Clear View Wealth Advisors, LLCSeveral North Shore locations

978.388.0020www.collegecashpro.com

SPECIAL ED. ADVOCACY

JLC AdvocacyLynnfield

781.334.4363See ad on page 7!

SECONDARY SCHOOL FAIR!

North of Boston Secondary School Fair

Sept. 26, 2012 • 6:30-8pmat Austin Prep in ReadingVisit with over 60 schools!

See NSC&F there-see ad on back cover!

SPEECH THERAPY

North Shore Speech TherapyJeannette Kahn, MA, CCC-SLP

617.529.1573www.northshorespeechtherapy.com

MUSIC & DANCE INSTR.

DeAngelis School of Music and Dance

Haverhill978.374.5262

www.dsrocks.comSee ad on page 6!

CHILDCARE

Miss Wendy’s ChildcareSalem

978.745.6728

IT SERVICES/COMPUTER HELP

Prime IT SolutionsServing the North Shore

978.666.4906

Aztec Soccer/SoccerTotsat Danvers Indoor Sports

www.aztecsoccer.com/TOTS_NSCFSee ad on page 2!

The Little GymDanvers and Woburn

www.tlgdanversma.comwww.tlgwoburnma.com

Roller World Skating CenterSaugus

781.231.1111www.roller-world.com

SCHOOLS

SCHOOLS

Please Support Our Advertisers, Who Sponsor

this Publication for You &

Your Family!

Austin Preparatory SchoolReading

781.944.4900www.austinprepschool.org

Besant Hill SchoolOjai, CA

805.646.4343www.besanthill.org

Brookwood SchoolManchester

978.526.4500www.brookwood.edu

Cape Ann Waldorf SchoolBeverly

978.927.1936www.capeannwaldorf.org

Clark SchoolDanvers

978.777.4699www.clarkschool.com

Cohen Hillel AcademyMarblehead

781.639.2880www.cohenhillel.org

Covenant Christian AcademyWest Peabody978.535.7100

www.covenantchristianacademy.org

Harborlight-StoneridgeMontessori School

Beverly978.927.0070

www.harborlightmontessori.org

Landmark SchoolPrides Crossing978.236.3000

www.landmarkschool.org

Malden Catholic High SchoolMalden

781.475.5293www.maldencatholic.org

North Shore Christian SchoolBeverly, Lynn, Marblehead

781.599.2040/Lynn978.921.2888/Beverly

www.nschristian.org

The Phoenix SchoolSalem

978.741.0870www.phoenixschool.org

Plumfield AcademyDanvers

978.304.0273www.plumfieldacademy.org

Shore Country Day SchoolBeverly

978.927.1700www.shoreschool.org

Tower SchoolMarblehead

781.631.5800www.towerschool.org

Waring SchoolBeverly

978.927.8793www.waringschool.org

To advertise, contactSuzanne today!

[email protected]

October issue adspace reservation

deadline is Sept. 12!

North Shore Music TheatreBeverly

978.232.7200www.nsmt.org

Welcome Back to School!

North of Boston Secondary School

FairHosted by

Austin Preparatory School, Reading, MA

Wednesday, September 26, 2012 • 6:30-8pm

Austin Preparatory School, 101 Willow Street, ReadingFor more info.: 781.944.4900 ext. 835 or www.austinprepschool.org.

Over 60 Private Secondary Schools Will Be Represented!If your child is currently a 6th, 7th or 8th grader and is considering applying to private school,

this is a great opportunity to check out over 60 regional and local private, Catholic, Christian and Episcopal schools!

Academy of Notre DameArlington Catholic High SchoolAustin Preparatory SchoolBelmont Hill SchoolBesant Hill SchoolBishop Fenwick High SchoolBoston College High SchoolBoston University AcademyBradford Christian AcademyBrewster AcademyBrooks SchoolBuckingham, Brown & Nichols SchoolCanterbury SchoolCatholic Memorial High SchoolCentral Catholic High SchoolChapel Hill - Chauncy Hall SchoolCheshire AcademyClark SchoolCommonwealth SchoolCovenant Christian AcademyCushing Academy

Dana Hall SchoolDeerfield AcademyThe Derryfield SchoolThe George SchoolGovernor’s AcademyGroton SchoolHebron AcademyHigh Mowing SchoolThe Hyde SchoolKents Hill SchoolLandmark SchoolLawrence AcademyLexington Christian AcademyLowell Catholic High SchoolMalden Catholic High SchoolMarianapolis SchoolMatignon High SchoolMiddlesex SchoolMilton AcademyNazareth AcademyNew Hampton School

Newman SchoolNoble & Greenough SchoolPhillips AcademyPhillips Exeter AcademyPingree SchoolPomfret SchoolPope John XXIII High SchoolPresentation of Mary AcademySt. Clement Parish SchoolsSt. John’s Preparatory SchoolSt. Joseph Preparatory SchoolSt. Mary’s High SchoolSt. Paul’s SchoolSparhawk SchoolTilton SchoolWaldorf High SchoolWhite Mountain SchoolWilbraham and Monson SchoolWilliston Northampton SchoolThe Winchendon SchoolWorcester Academy

Schools Attending:

north shore children & families september 2012

Documents