openness in who do you resemble….? adoption resources/assessor... · opening closed adoptions:...

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Openness in Adoption, Jan 2009

A JOURNEY OF UNDERSTANDING

Openness in Adoption

Who Do You Resemble….?

Who in your family do you most resemble in:

• Personality• Talents• Physical Features• Mannerisms• Likes/Dislikes

Please introduce yourself to your group and answer this question…

“My greatest concern

as a worker with

open adoption is…”

A Bucket of Concerns MYTH BUSTING

� Open adoption will create greater insecurity in adoptive parents.

� Open adoption will undermine the adoptive parents’ sense of control and entitlement.

� Open adoption will hinder or compromise the ability of the birth parent to grieve.

� Open adoption will increase the risk for birth parents to develop adjustment difficulties after the adoptive placement.

MYTH BUSTING

� Open adoption will have a negative impact on the child’s ability to attach, his self-esteem,

identity, and other emotional or psychological adjustments.

� Open adoption is co-parenting.

� Open adoption is glorified baby-sitting.

� Open adoption means “open house.”

What does disengagement mean to children?

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??FACT OR FANTASY?

Impact of Psychological Presence

The symbolic existence of an

individual in the perception of

other family members in a way

that influences thoughts,

emotions, behavior, identity or

unity of remaining family

members... Dr. Deborah Fravel

� Open Adoption Structure– how the family plans the openness relationship

� Adoption Communication – how the family talks about adoption and openness relationship

Talking with Families

o Please develop six to eight questions to assess the parent’s potential management of openness.

o Three of those questions should relate to the parent’s management of the psychological presence (pre-placement and post-placement).

Definitions Along the Continuum

Confidential/Closed Adoption –

No identifying information

is shared between the birth

family and adoptive family.

Often, the agency shares

much with the adoptive

family.

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Semi-Open or Mediated Open Adoption –

The continuum of openness within relationships that can exist between members of the birth family and

the adoptive family of a child.

o In time-limited mediated adoptions, information had been shared through an agency caseworker but had stopped, with no plans to resume sharing.

o In ongoing mediated adoptions, information exchange mediated by the agency was currently occurring.


Fully Disclosed Open Adoption –

Everyone involved in the process, whether adoptive or birth parent, is open to meeting and talking with each other both prior to, and subsequent to, the placement.

Names and contact information are shared.

o In time-limited fully disclosed adoptions, birth and adoptive parents had direct fully identified contact, but this contact had stopped, and there was no intention for future contact.

o In ongoing fully disclosed adoptions, direct sharing of information was continuing and usually accompanied by face-to-face meetings


Observing for Red Flags

What could you observe or hear that would indicate potential barriers to a positive openness relationship?

OPEN ADOPTION - 19th CENTURY

CLOSED

OPEN

By 1945...OPEN

CLOSED

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Goals of Closed Adoption

� The birthmother could more easily resolve her feelings about the placement

� The birthmother would be protected from the label of “fallen woman”

� The child would be protected from the label of

“bastard”

� The child would be more easily integrated into the family

Goals of Closed Adoption

� The family could portray their structure as that of a biological family

� No one would have to look

� And…the child would be protected from the creation of “self-fulfilling prophecies” if the adoptive parents expected behavior that would be similar to that of the birth parents.

PrePrePrePre----1900190019001900

Adoptions open to all

1917191719171917 1930193019301930’’’’ssssLate Late Late Late

70707070’’’’s/80s/80s/80s/80’’’’ssss

Minnesota closes adoption records

Most states close records

Ohio closes records in 1964

More openness begins

What Prompted Change?

o Nature over nurture

o Advocacy groups

� CUB (Concerned United Birthparents)

� AAC (American Adoption Congress)

o Research

o Roe vs. Wade

Ethical Issues in Openness Practice

� Lifecycle of adoption

Pre-placement

Post-placement

� Participant’s perspective

� Type of adoption

Principle 1: Responsibility to Clients and Self-Determination

Principle 2: Integrity

Principle 3: Care and Protection of the Most Vulnerable

Principle 4: Communication, Honesty and Truthfulness


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A Casestudy

Values Based Open Adoption Relationships Principlesby James Gritter adapted from The Spirit of Open Adoption

Every adoption plan must:

o Honor the adoptee

o Be based on

candor

o Be based on

choices

o Honor the pain

o Be covenantal

o Transform

o Be adaptable

o Build community

What does secrecy do to an individual and family?

o It distorts reality

o Undermines trust

o Creates Division/Exclusion

o Promotes fantasies

o It generates preoccupation

What Little We Know

…We should make it absolutely clear that we are by no means committed to the view that any form of contact between the child and the family is always in the child’s best interest There is no “one size fits all”….We take the view that contact must be governed by the welfare of that particular child. What has to be avoided is the imposition of inflexible rules based on worn - out paradigms. - Lowe (1999)

Benefits and Challenges to Openness for all Triad Members

Birthparents

Adopted Person

Adoptive Parents

3/24/2009

Benefits of the Open Adoption Relationship for the Adopted Person

1. Gives freedom to ask questions

2. Gives access to the person who has the answers

3. Gives permission for the child to bond with adoptive family

4. Gives a sense of biological connectedness

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Benefits of the Open Adoption Relationship for Adoptive Parents

o Gives parents a sense of control

o Aids parents in laying fears aside

o Gives parents access to on-going information they would not have had

o Gives parents emotional permission to parent their child

Benefits of the Open Adoption Relationship for the Birth Parents

� Gives them the knowledge that their child is safe and cared for

� Aids them in ability to process grief/loss

� Gives them a sense of control in decision making

� Alleviates feeling they have abandoned their child

Loss

Grief

Loyalty

Control

Rejection/AbandonmentShame/Guilt

Self-esteem

Trust

Adoption Issues – A Review

Identity

� Emily

� Martha – Emily’s adoptive mother

� Alison– Emily’s birth mother

� Beth – Emily’s sister,

also adopted, not bio sib

The Cast Of Characters

A JOURNEY OF UNDERSTANDING

Openness in Adoption

Day Two

Where We Have Been…

� The Great Debate

� Two Foundational Principles of Adoption

� Family Structured Openness/Family

Communicative Process

� Historical Perspective

� Ethical Issues in Open Adoption

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Today’s Agenda

� The Openness Toolbox

� Key Factors of Assessment

� Facilitating an Openness Arrangement

� Openness Jeopardy

� Opening a Closed Adoption

The Openness Toolbox

Assessment

3/24/200939

Why are behavioral interview techniques catching on?

If good questions are posed well, the behavioral interview will tell you about candidates’attitudes, family relationships, work habits, coping skills by describing real actions taken in real circumstances.

3/24/200940

Three Types of Questions

1.Theoretical questions – produce theories, opinions, general actions (hoop jumping questions)

2. Leading questions – result in answers that the applicant thinks you want to hear (hoop jumping questions)

3. Behavioral questions ask an applicant to discuss an experience he has had, tell me about a time when, or give an example of how….

The Openness ToolboxI. Assessment

II. Educational Plan

III. Decision Making

IV. Relationship Building

V. Mediation Issues

When Considering Openness

What are they?

Key Factors…

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Key Factors - For the Child

� The child’s wishes and feelings regarding contact

� Relationships with birth family members, including siblings

� Emotional and developmental functioning

� Psychological resilience and ability to form or extend

� Child’s attachments: with whom should child maintain connections

� Child’s developmental level

� Child’s understanding of adoption; reason for separation from birth family

� Child’s emotional well-being and stability

� Other stresses the child is experiencing at the time

� Degree of birth family permission the child has to be part of the adoptive family

Key Factors - For the Child

Key Factors - Birth Family

o Reasons for permanency plan

(abuse, neglect, mental health, parental disability)

o Characteristics of relationship with child and other extended family members

o Birth family views aboutadoptive placement and previous experience with contact

o Their emotional health, well-being, and current level of functioning

o Birth parent’s ability to respect healthy boundaries

o Birth parent’s support of the adoption and ability to give permission to child to be part of the adoptive family

o Birth parent’s management of grief and stage of grieving

o Arrangements for review, support, and mediation

Key Factors - Birth Family

Key Factors - Adoptive Family

o Views and experiences in relation to contact

o Whose needs will be met?

o Attitudes and understanding regarding contact

o Adoptive parent’s emotional maturity and health

o Adoptive parent’s capacity to set

healthy boundaries

o Degree of adoptive parent’s ability to handle open communication regarding adoption

o Level of entitlement experienced by adoptive parents

o Cultural differences between birth family and adoptive family

o Arrangements for review, support, and mediation

Key Factors - Adoptive Family

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Facilitating Your Agency

PlanI. Assessment

II. Educational Plan

III. Decision Making

IV. Relationship Building

V. Mediation

Now to fac

ilitatin

g a plan

Discussion Questions for the Openness Puzzle

� Give your birth mother a name.

� What are the birth mother’s strengths?

� What are the birth mother’s limitations?

� What barriers/challenges do you see in facilitating any level of openness?

� What are the cultural barriers in your situation that may impact the openness arrangement?

� Looking at the structural open /openness continuum, what might you suggest for the initial plan in your case study? Why are you making that suggestion?

� Are there any other factors you need to consider?

Mediation Stages

STEP 1: Define the Problem

STEP 2: Identify Underlying Interests

STEP 3: Facilitate Negotiations

STEP 4: Reach Agreement

Six “W’s” of Openness Contact

o Why the contact?

o Who should be involved in the contact?

o What type of contact should it be?

o When should the contact occur?

o Where should the direct contact happen?

o What will be the process of mediation?

Changes In Openness ArrangementsReasons for Increased Openness

o Mutual concern for the

child’s well-being

o Satisfying personal

relationships between

birth and adoptive

family members

o Unimpeded flow of

appropriate

communication

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Changes In Openness ArrangementsReasons for Decreased Openness

o Increased geographic distance

o Perception of major differences

between the birth and adoptive

parent

o Discouragement of contact by

relatives or friends

o Change in the birth mother’s

personal situation

Changes In Openness ArrangementsMore Reasons for Decreased Openness

o Inability to negotiate a mutually

agreed-upon comfort zone

o Adoptive parents’ fear that

contact was too stressful or

confusing for the child

o Problems with agencies as

intermediaries

o Proactive management

o Mutual Agreement

o Management of Communication

o Management of Healthy Boundaries

o Effective balancing of outside influences

The Dance

Let’s Play

Openness Jeopardy

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Opening Closed Adoptions:Preparing the Child 0-5

Describe and introduce the birth parent correctly

Recognize the time factor

Select an informal setting

Talk through the anticipated visit

Opening Closed Adoptions:Preparing the Child 6-12

o Address expectations, fantasies and feelings

o Discussing the process of opening the adoption

o Prepare for the first face-to-face visit

o Deal with birth siblings in the home

o Process reasons for delays

Opening Closed Adoptions:Preparing the Teenager

Address the Following Considerations

1. How important is this issue?

2. Is this the right time?

3. What part should parents play?

4. What emotions, questions and situations might arise?

What Will You Write??

�Address your fears and concerns.

�Tell why you wish to open the adoption at this point in time.

�Tell them about yourself – help them to gain an understanding of who you are.

�Talk about the benefits you see in opening up this adoption.

�Assure them that you will respect boundaries and not be intrusive.

�Offer suggestions as to what they might do next.

�Address your fears and concerns.

�Tell why you wish to open the adoption at this point in time.

�Tell them about yourself – help them to gain an understanding of who you are.

�Talk about the benefits you see in opening up this adoption.

�Assure them that you will respect boundaries and not be intrusive.

�Offer suggestions as to what they might do next.

Insights

o Grab your idea catcher…..

o Write down 3 ways that this training has impacted you – either personally or on the job.

o Before you are out the door- three people to share!

openness in who do you resemble….? adoption resources/assessor... · opening closed adoptions:...

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