overcoming barriers to effective communications

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People who are good with conflict

Catalyst Mediation

“People who are good with conflict””

Catalyst Mediation

An 8 Minute Vital Spark on…….



Catalyst Mediation

Overcoming barriers to effective

communication



Catalyst Mediation

Key People

To make this communication effective, I need to ensure you understand what I mean by communication – then you can agree or disagree as you wish.

What is Communication?

We all communicate, so we all know what it

means – don’t we?

That implies that my communication consists of :

Purpose – I want you to think or do or say something as a result:

Information – I need to convey this to you to support my purpose:

Language – I need to ensure we have the same meaning / understanding:

Response – I need feedback from you to know if I have achieved my purpose.

So it might help to look at communication as a process or system ………

Attitude – I will have one about you – will it get in the way?



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Purpose Achieved

Receive

Process Response

What are the stages?

What is Communication?

Where can it go wrong ………

Purpose of Communication

Language / Attitude Send

Finish Communication

Purpose Not Achieved

Relevant Information

Reject Do we know?

Accept



Catalyst Mediation Blocks to Communication

Purpose of Communication

Obviously if I am not clear why I am communicating, neither will you be and I will confuse you.


Equally if I want you to respond in a certain way, I need to make sure that what I tell you, will motivate you to do so.

Language Most problems in communication happen here.

Response Equally if we don’t check what has been received & processed, we may assume an understanding that doesn’t exist.

Where can it go wrong?

Attitude Unconsciously we can create barriers to communication.



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Language What’s wrong with the words we use?

Words have different, though usually similar meanings, hence dictionaries have different definitions and a thesaurus has many similar options.

If you think your words are being misunderstood, and you have chosen them carefully, try this exercise with your colleague / receiver.

The Response I seek The Words I will use to create the response

Write in here what you hope to achieve by the

communication Write in here the sentence you would use.

Show this to your colleague – see what words they would rather you used to

generate the response. Discuss the differences and create a shared language.

Blocks to Communication



Catalyst Mediation

Attitude What about the way we say words?

If our attitude towards the Receiver makes us use words or a tone that creates a negative emotional reaction, then their brain will focus on the emotion not the information content of the words.

Transactional Analysis looks at communication as a transaction between three possible “ego” states which are based on attitudes, thoughts and feelings:

Parent copied from our parents

Adult based on the here & now.

Child remembered from our childhood


How do these affect our communication?



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Common in conflict between adults. Parent has a condescending, interfering, criticising tone, “telling”, not listening, being “right”. It suggests “I am OK, but you are not” Common language you will hear / sense


Attitude Parent to Child Communication

Parent I am more experienced than you, so what I tell you is right. I don’t expect or want a discussion about this. I want some instant action or outcome from you based on what I say.

Child

You don’t care what I think Why should I listen to you I don’t like this conversation, I want to be somewhere else.



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Someone says "I can't do this, I'm useless". Rather than saying, "Let me do this for you," instead say, "It sounds like you have a problem. What would help you?"

We say "it is" rather than "I am“, so separating the people from any problem.

Unblocking Communication

Adult to Adult Communication.

We seek information “Could you help me to understand what makes that important to you?” (vs challenging with “why do you want that?”)

We reality check silly statements “That’s an interesting idea – how likely do you think it is that this could happen?” ”What might we do if it doesn’t happen?” Move them from feeling to thinking and include yourself in the solution.

And finally what about checking for feedback?

Attitude



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Response is VITAL, yet often we don’t ask for it.

How else do you check whether all your careful choice of language and attitude have worked in achieving your purpose?

Check understanding by asking “So that I know if I have explained this clearly, could you tell me what you think it means?” A further check would be “How could you see this working?” or “What are your initial thoughts?”

Unblocking Communication

Purpose Not Achieved

Purpose Achieved


Response

If you sense they are unsure about something try “ It is really important that I have been as clear as possible about this – is there anything it would be useful for me to cover again?”

Response



Catalyst Mediation Summary

You could think of that PILAR as consisting of:

Communication is a central pillar in every relationship.

Purpose Information Language

Attitude Response

Of these arguably the most important is Response – checking that all your careful preparation & delivery has been received as you intended.

If they still look puzzled or annoyed, try using the Response / Words box from the Language page – you may find they are objecting to your Purpose rather than your language & delivery. But at least you will know and can start to find out what is making them resistant. By asking ………………………………………………….



Catalyst Mediation

If Communication is important and you would like the opportunity to learn and practice more ways of getting it right, these courses may be of interest:

Skills Development

One Day Communication skills

One Day Negotiation skills

Using your communication skills to generate agreement from every day to vitally important negotiations.

Or combine them into a two day course that will leave you with the self confidence to use your skills whatever the situation.

Costs start from £150 per person per day, (no VAT to add) depending on numbers of people, location etc. and including a full course manual.



Catalyst Mediation And finally ……..

Your Feedback Was this useful for you? What else could we have covered in this topic? What other topics would be useful for you? E.g:

Using negotiation skills to generate agreement.

Working with angry people.

Working with mental health issues.

Preventing conflict in the workplace

Does the PowerPoint format work for you, or would you prefer .pdf?

What else might we be able to do to help?

Many thanks

Developing an in-house early dispute resolution initiative.

overcoming barriers to effective communications

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