HOW HOW HEALTHY IS HEALTHY IS

YOUR YOUR FAMILY?FAMILY?

Pastoral Counseling

Session 4

What is a family?What is a family?

Importance of the FamilyImportance of the Family

““Marriage and thus family are and Marriage and thus family are and where we live out our most where we live out our most

intimate and powerful experiences. intimate and powerful experiences. The family is the unit in which we The family is the unit in which we belong, from which we can expect belong, from which we can expect

protection from uncontrollable protection from uncontrollable fate…”fate…” – J. Balswick – J. Balswick

““A study, conducted by the National A study, conducted by the National Statistical Coordination Board (NSCB), Statistical Coordination Board (NSCB), shows that Filipinos ranked shows that Filipinos ranked familyfamily as as

the most important source of happiness, the most important source of happiness, giving it a score of 9.45 on a scale of 1 giving it a score of 9.45 on a scale of 1 to 10. to 10. HealthHealth came next, with a score of came next, with a score of 8.95, while 8.95, while religionreligion ranked third with ranked third with

8.59”8.59”(http://www.dancewithshadows.com/society/filipino-happiness.asp)

Sources of HappinessSources of Happiness

Family 9.45Family 9.45

Why discuss the health of our Why discuss the health of our families?families?

1.1. We all belong to a familyWe all belong to a family2.2. Many families are dysfunctional and Many families are dysfunctional and

disintegrating (it is just a matter of disintegrating (it is just a matter of time)time)

3.3. Families will affect individuals Families will affect individuals significantlysignificantly

4.4. In order to effectively help an In order to effectively help an individual, the family must be helped individual, the family must be helped

Why discuss the health of our Why discuss the health of our families?families?

5. If one is deeply wounded in the family, If one is deeply wounded in the family, it even affects his/her journey in the it even affects his/her journey in the faithfaith

6. Most of us will have a family of our 6. Most of us will have a family of our own and we are to strive to have own and we are to strive to have healthy familieshealthy families

7. The family is in the number one hit list 7. The family is in the number one hit list of Satanof Satan

1. We all belong to family1. We all belong to family

We can chose our mate, our friends, We can chose our mate, our friends, our job and even our faith but we our job and even our faith but we cannot chose to which family we cannot chose to which family we

will be a part of.will be a part of.

We are part of our own family We are part of our own family whether we like it or not.whether we like it or not.

In one word, describe In one word, describe your family of originyour family of origin

Levels of family competenceLevels of family competence

2. Many families are 2. Many families are DysfunctionalDysfunctional

TermsTerms

Black-sheep, problem child, Black-sheep, problem child, troubled child, prodigal son troubled child, prodigal son

and even dysfunctional and even dysfunctional individualindividual

2. Many families are 2. Many families are DysfunctionalDysfunctional

In most cases it was not just the In most cases it was not just the individual that is dysfunctional, but individual that is dysfunctional, but

the family.the family.

It is the family that is sick!It is the family that is sick!Each one in the family affects one Each one in the family affects one

anotheranother

SystemicSystemic

3. Families will affect individuals3. Families will affect individuals

““Everything occurring in the Everything occurring in the family, regardless of how family, regardless of how carefully hidden, impacts carefully hidden, impacts

the children. Everything.”the children. Everything.” ((R. R.

Hemfelt and P. Warren, Kids Who Carry Our Pain, p.70.)Hemfelt and P. Warren, Kids Who Carry Our Pain, p.70.)

3. Families will affect individuals3. Families will affect individuals

Positively or negatively, our Positively or negatively, our family will have a bearing in family will have a bearing in

shaping our lives which shaping our lives which includes our…includes our…

behavior, how we view our world, personality, prejudices, learning style, behavior, how we view our world, personality, prejudices, learning style,

how we view ourselves, even including our spiritual formationhow we view ourselves, even including our spiritual formation..

Case: “Mr. Muscle Man”

4. To help the family, is to help 4. To help the family, is to help the individualthe individual

The top 5 alleged causes of 140 recorded The top 5 alleged causes of 140 recorded suicides were:suicides were:

2424% family troubles% family troubles

2020% disappointment with love% disappointment with love

1818% Lingering illness% Lingering illness

1414% Jealousy% Jealousy

1010% poverty and losses% poverty and losses

4. To help the family, is to help 4. To help the family, is to help the individualthe individual

If we want to transform this If we want to transform this nation we should not end with nation we should not end with just the individual but continue just the individual but continue with work of transforming the with work of transforming the

families. families.

5. Our emotional wounds affects 5. Our emotional wounds affects our journey in the faithour journey in the faith

“ “ Spiritual directors and family Spiritual directors and family therapist have long established therapist have long established the link between one’s inner the link between one’s inner

wound and the progress of his wound and the progress of his spiritual journey.” spiritual journey.”

J. SoberanoJ. Soberano

5. Our emotional wounds affects 5. Our emotional wounds affects our journey in the faithour journey in the faith

Many of our wounds are Many of our wounds are inflicted to us by those who inflicted to us by those who are closest to us and have are closest to us and have have betrayed our trust.have betrayed our trust.

6. Most of us will be raising a 6. Most of us will be raising a family of our ownfamily of our own

Do you want to repeat the cycle?Do you want to repeat the cycle?

Do you want to repeat the pain?Do you want to repeat the pain?

Do you want to repeat the Do you want to repeat the shame?shame?

6. Most of us will be raising a 6. Most of us will be raising a family of our ownfamily of our own

See what is good in your family and See what is good in your family and DEVELOP it!DEVELOP it!

Recognize what is wrong with your Recognize what is wrong with your family and do something about it or family and do something about it or

else, the “else, the “TOXIC SHAMETOXIC SHAME” will only ” will only be passed on.be passed on.

Is my family healthy?Is my family healthy?

How to build a healthy familyHow to build a healthy family

1.1. Submission to God’s will for the Submission to God’s will for the familyfamily

2.2. Acceptance and appreciation for Acceptance and appreciation for each othereach other

3.3. Time spent together “meal time”Time spent together “meal time”

4.4. Good communication patternsGood communication patterns

How to build a healthy familyHow to build a healthy family

1.1. High degree of commitment to High degree of commitment to one anotherone another

2.2. Ability to cope with crisesAbility to cope with crises

3.3. Family is place of protection and Family is place of protection and growthgrowth

““It is wise to get together at It is wise to get together at least least once a dayonce a day for everyone to for everyone to

touch base with each other…touch base with each other…this kind of meeting needs to be this kind of meeting needs to be

planned.” planned.” - Satir noted American author and psychotherapist

Benefits Eating TogetherBenefits Eating Together

Better communicationBetter communicationBetter school performanceBetter school performance

Better adjustmentBetter adjustmentBetter nutritionBetter nutrition

http://nutrition.wsu.edu/ebet/background.html

“…“…the unit in human life with most the unit in human life with most powerful dedicationpowerful dedication to the growth to the growth is not the individual, or the work is not the individual, or the work group, or the social group, but the group, or the social group, but the

familyfamily.” .”

The Family Crucible A. Napier & C. WhitakerThe Family Crucible A. Napier & C. Whitaker

• ““The family is the heart and the center The family is the heart and the center of the Filipinos. It is where faith, the of the Filipinos. It is where faith, the

Christian doctrine and the Gospel Christian doctrine and the Gospel values are learned and lived… where values are learned and lived… where

love, justice, fraternity and equality are love, justice, fraternity and equality are experienced, nourished and cultivated.” experienced, nourished and cultivated.”