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THE PEACEFUL SCHOOLS INITIATIVE

By: Deidra A. Sorrell NCC, LPC

What are the solutions to end bullying and gun violence in schools?

I think that there is no easy solution or simple answer for such a multi-systemic problem. I think a discussion among educators, mental health professionals, school administrators, citizens, law enforcement and parents

are necessary for finding answers to this major problem! My idea is to tackle this problem of school violence and

bullying through this blog to give people a chance to learn and discuss solutions.

Enough is Enough!

Bullying includes intentional and repeated acts that occur through physical, verbal and relational forms in situations where there is a power difference (Bradshaw, Sawyer, and Brennan, 2007).  Relational bullying or indirect bullying, typically characteristic of girls, is the manipulation of relationships or friendships to cause emotional pain. Gossiping, rumor spreading and exclusion are some of the techniques individuals use to bully someone relationally (Crothers & Minutolo, 2009). Do you remember the movie Mean Girls? That movie is a perfect example of relational bullying. Cyberbullying is a representation of bullying in the electronic realm. Typically carried out by one or more individual, using electronic forms of contact (e.g. email, cell phone, text message, Facebook,Ttwitter, Instagram etc…), the cyber bully is able to use the façade of anonymity to cause their victims a sense of powerlessness (Ahlfors, 2010)

What is Bullying?

Bullying almost always involves a power imbalance. The reason for bullying is power! Past research suggested that school bullies had social skills deficits, however some researchers disproved this notion. School bullies, like workplace bullies often have adequate to superior social skills. Their good social skills allow them to be likable and charismatic to others. I feel that school bullies may lack social skills and may also have superior social skills. I feel that diversity exists in bullies like diversity exists in leadership. I feel that kids bully in order to gain power over others. Kids may feel the need to gain power due to:

Poor relationships with parents Poor relationships with teachers and peers Low self-esteem Academic difficulty Psychological problems Because the can!

Why do Kids Bully?

Many people feel that access to weapons is the number one reason for school violence. I believe that this is only part of the problem. Due to our second amendment right, people have always had access to weapons. I feel that the larger problem is that schools are definitely a microcosm of the world we live in. Let’s face it…we (as a culture) have become desensitized to violence and some of the suffering in the world today. Many of our homes and communities are not as tight knit as they used to be. Due to economic reasons, parents work longer hours and may not be able to supervise their children as well as parents from earlier generations.

Why are Schools so Violent?

Some may say that morality and spirituality are at a decline in our society. Computers and the internet are wonderful for gathering information, but the down side is that people use technology to bully others. Lastly, the Constitutional Rights Foundation (2013) states that school violence is linked to transformations in the community. I do not see this statement as simple a change in the racial mix of communities because school shootings have not just been a black, white, Hispanic, or Asian issue. I see this as a transformation in mentality which trumps race, ethnicity and socio economic status. In my opinion, we are becoming a culture of people who empathize less with others and show less compassion to others. To me, that is the real issue.

Why are Schools so Violent?

Research supports that schools need to take a multi-faceted approach to reducing school bullying. Having an anti-bullying policy is no longer enough to reduce bullying. Showing students a movie about the effects of bullying only gives them new ideas on how to bully and not get caught. A study by Jeong & Lee (2013) found that anti bullying programs that show students bullying and terrorizing others, did not produce empathy and only taught kids new ways to terrorize. In other words, many of these bullying programs are not working! I feel that schools should do a number of things:

What Can Schools Do?

Admit that there is a problemJust like in drug and alcohol rehabilitation programs, people cannot begin to heal until they admit that they have a problem. In my opinion most schools have a bullying problem. If one child feels bullied, then there is a problem. Admitting that there is a problem opens the discussion with teachers and school staff on what to do to help.

What Can Schools Do?

Educate the staff on bullyingProfessional developments should educate everyone from the custodial staff to the administrators on what bullying is, how to recognize it and what to do. The myth of “Kids are just being Kids” is played out! Bullying is not a rite of passage. Sticks and stones may break bones but words can break the spirit! The entire staff needs to “buy into” the desire to make the school more peaceable. When all staff members are on the same page about ending bullying in the schools, the students will get the message that bullying is not tolerated! When teachers and staff keep a watchful eye out for aggression in the school, students will learn that they cannot get away with it!

What Can Schools Do?

Collaborate About BullyingTeachers and staff should meet regularly about who the bullies are in the school. Teachers and staff should strategize about what resources (e.g. counseling, behavior plan) the bully may need to end their violence. Staff should also discuss the victim and how to assist that person (e.g. more supervision). Regular discussions about school bullying and aggression can help prevent school violence in the future!

What Can Schools Do?

Involve parentsParents are the best allies to prevent bullying and violence in the schools. Parents should always feel that they are part of the school. They should not be alienated or treated as if they are inferior. Meetings with parents to educate them on the definitions of bullying are necessary. Parents should also be encouraged to forget the myth that bullying is a normal part of growing up. That belief is played out and obsolete! Encourage parents to talk to their children about making their school more peaceable.

What Can Schools Do?

Involve the studentsIn the bullying relationship, there are actually multiple players. There is the bully (or bullies), the victim (or victims) and the witnesses. Often, the witnesses experience as much psychological pain and anxiety as the victims because the witness is scared that they may be next. How does the witness manage their anxiety? They laugh along with the bully so that the bully won’t target them. They turn a blind eye and walk the other way because they don’t want to be involved. They don’t tell school staff and teachers out of fear that they are “snitching” and will be targeted next! This behavior keeps bullying alive in the school. This type of behavior encourages the bully to terrorize their target in secret so that the school staff will never know. The witnesses carry a huge burden…a secret that disrupts the peace in the school.Schools must create an anonymous way for students to alert staff about bullying. One idea is an anonymous drop box where students can write down the problem and drop it into a specific mail box or drop box in the school. Another idea is an anonymous tip line, here students can call in information without being identified. Schools must tell students that “not snitching” actually is hurting them…as well as others. In fact, telling staff about the bullying is a noble and heroic way of creating a peaceable school!

What Can Schools Do?

Involve the communityJust like parents must be empowered to help reduce bullying, so must the community. Encourage community members to recognize bullying and report it to the school through the anonymous tip line or drop box.

What Can Schools Do?

The Law of Attraction is a new age principle that believes that what you focus on is what you get. With that in mind, schools need to focus on what they want not what they do not want. If schools want peace, schools should title their efforts Peaceful Schools instead of Anti Bullying. Do you want bullying or do you want peace? By focusing on what you want, you will focus on children being more peaceful and empathetic instead of what you do not want. By focusing on what you want, you are not giving “celebrity” to the act of bullying, you are praising peaceful behaviors.

At Watkins Elementary School in Washington, DC, the staff praised random acts of kindness by establishing the “Caught Doing Something Right” program. In this program, students were rewarded for following rules and being peaceable in the school. As a result, students behaved so that they could be rewarded for doing the right thing. By doing something right, they were given a card and honored in an assembly. In addition, these students had their pictures taken and were featured on a bulletin board. Did this act end bullying entirely? No, but it encouraged children to act peaceable and follow school rules. This is an example of focusing on what you want and getting it!

Focus on What You Want!

What Can Parents Do? Parents must talk to their children to find

out if they are being bullied, if they witness bullying or if they are in fact a bully. If parents learn that their child is a bully, they must hold him/her accountable for their behaviors. The first question that parents must ask themselves is “why does my child feel the need to gain power over others”? The answer to that question is what the parent needs to do to help their child. Oprah Winfrey is famous for saying “hurt people hurt people”. The parent has to find out what is hurting their child to the point that they feel the need to bully others. Counseling or other recourses may be helpful in changing a bully’s behavior.

What Can Parents Do?

If a child is being bullied, the parent is the best ally to gain help from the school. The parent must be vigilant in meeting with teachers, staff and administrators to ensure that their child is properly supervised and the bully is held accountable for their behavior. Parents should also familiarize themselves with the laws and school regulations on bullying and cyberbullying. No school should brush off bullying as just kids being kids!Parents of “witnesses” should encourage empower their child to speak out against the injustice of bullying. If the child does not feel empowered enough to speak out, the child should alert the school staff about the bullying, even if it is anonymously.

What Can Parents Do?

Research supports that empathy training is successful in helping children understand the impact of bullying on others. Do any of you remember the Jane Elliot Blue Eyes/Brown Eyes experiment of the 1970’s? This was one of the first school exercises to support racial diversity. Instead of the teacher enforcing punitive no tolerance punishments for racist actions, she chose to show her class of white students how it felt to be discriminated against due to their physical characteristics. I think that the procedures used in her training resonate today when teaching children about bullying. Research supports that most children bullied are different from the mainstream. These differences may include: Sexual orientation or perceived sexual orientation Racial background Cultural background Religious background DisabilityTeaching children what it feels like to be judged, shunned, teased or harassed based on their characteristics is a very effective way to get children to think twice about bullying. Should people purposely haze and terrorize students to teach them empathy? No, that would encourage more violence. I think informing children about the impact of bullying on others in an interactive way may help them to learn something that the world is slowly losing…empathy and compassion for others!

Empathy Training

Linkswww.stopbullying.govwww.stopbullyingnow.com www.antibullying.net www.survivingbullies.org www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/youthviolence/schoolviolence/index.htmlhttp://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/school_violence_fact_sheet-a.pdf www.keepschoolssafe.org/students/school-violence.htm 

Resources

Sign the pledge to commit to making schools more peaceful

https://www.facebook.com/stopbullyingspeakup/app_180724168665670

(stopbullyingspeakup is not affiliated with “The Bully Discussion” blog)

What Can You Do?

Please leave your comments on this blog.

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