please do not steal this story
TRANSCRIPT
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Please do not steal this story, God is watching.
PROPERTY OF haveyouseenthisgirl.yolasite.com
Denny / Y!TG"s #ote$ Pardon the grammar, % did not ta&e time to edit this and %
admit my tenses suc&.
% &now my English is not very good at all 'ut (ust 'ear with it. O&ehh)*D
+++
!o you"re dying, what"s your -lan now)
%"ll 'argain im-ortant -eo-le with God.
uh) 0argain) 1hat do you mean)
%"ll collect signatures and -ass the contract to God when % meet im.
% don"t get you.
% ho-e God does.
!ignatures to 0argain with God
aveYou!eenThisGir2 3 4
You can"t stay 5orever...
You don"t live always...
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You are limited...
There is a 6nishing line.
0ut a5ter the line, is the 'eginning.
%t ta&es signatures.
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7 %ntroduction to the 8ontract 9
%t"s normal that -eo-le die, -eo-le leave. Yet the normality we can"t acce-t. 1e
o5ten say to ourselves, % want a normal
li5e 'ut a lot o5 us doesn"t even &now what normal means in li5e. 1e"re all a'normal
in our way o5 thin&ing.
% am a'normal.
1hat"s on your mind)
% switch 'ac& to reality when % heard his voice. % turn my head to his direction and
give him a de5eated
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smile, :amamatay na a&o di'a)
e twitches 5or a second then he -ats my head, %t"s normal.
1hat % li&e a'out him is he doesn"t give me lies (ust to com5ort me. 1hat"s the -oint
o5 telling someone everything"s
gonna 'e alright i5 it"s not, right) e com5orts me honestly. The truth hurts 'ut the
lies are worse.
!hould % 'elieve your 5ather) his 5ather is the one who told me that % only have
4wee&s or less to live, his 5ather is my
doctor.
% don"t &now, my 'iological 5ather is not a God. 0ut our Father is. he -oints u- with
his 5ore6nger. % &now who he is
tal&ing a'out.
1e"re 8atholics 'ut the thing is, % am not such a good 8atholic. % don"t go to !undaymass neither do % -ray or genu;ect
when % -ass'y the church. % don"t have the 8atholic attitude 'ut % do 'elieve that
there is someone u- there that owns us,
my -arents told me that when % was little. 1e call him God.
%5 % 'elieve in im, it only means that % should also 'elieve that these current
events in my li5e are normal.
O5 course. Dying is normal.
% have not e
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% raise my 5eet and -lace it on the 'ench were we are sitting, % hug it tightly laying
my head on my &nees, without loo&ing
at him % said, =re you telling me that % should acce-t everything) That %"m really
dying)
e -laces his hand around my shoulder and &isses the to- o5 my head, % did not
say you"ll have to acce-t it, what %"m
saying is... do not 'e a5raid o5 it.
Thoughts ;ushes in my mind cra>ily, % 6nd it hard to com-rehend with my own
thoughts. % -ut down my 5eet then 5ace my
'oy5riend and hug him tightly. %"ve decided something...
8an % change my 'irthday to today"s date)
:oses s-lit the ocean into two so changing your 'irthday doesn"t seem im-ossi'le.
1hat are you -lanning, 'a'y)
% start crying and so''ing into his shirt, % want to live, 5or the 6rst time.
Fe'ruary 4?, 4 at @.AB-m, ha--y 'irthdayC =5ter my 'oy5riend said that, % 'lew
the candle o5 my ca&e. %"m
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cele'rating my 6rst 'irthday in his room, in his 'ed. =5ter the scene on the 'ench,
he 'rought me to the nearest church
and -leaded a -riest to 'a-ti>e me again while % was still crying. Though we did not
as& the legal -a-ers to 'e changed,
with the 'a-tism % already 5eel li&e new to the world.
8an % give my -resent some other day)
=re you &idding me) There"s no need 5or a -resent, you"re more than enough. %
suddenly -ull him closer to me and
snuggle him, 'ecause o5 that we 5ell on his 'ed. Fortunately the ca&e was -laced in
the small ta'le 'e5ore we 5ell so it
was sa5e 5rom 'eing ruined.
e -ulls away some strands o5 hair that was messily -laced on my 5ace and he
-laces it on the 'ac& o5 my ear, 1hat
did you wish 5or)
:emories.
That"s cool, am % -art o5 it)
O5 course, your signature is on my list.
1hat signature) 1hat list) % can see how con5used his 5ace is, % don"t &now i5 % can
e
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This time he res-onds, hh... yeah 'ut % remem'er it vaguely. e was tal&ing a'out
something a'out the li5e in heaven
or... ah, % don"t remem'er at all.
The -astor said that when you die, only your soul comes 'ac& to heaven.
1hich means)
%5 it"s only our souls it means we don"t 'ring anything with us even memories...
uh)
The -astor also said that when our souls meet in heaven, we"ll &now each other on
that moment 'ut we would not
remem'er what relations we had on Earth. 1e are -romised to 'e 6lled with (oys in
eaven and to 5ul6ll that, we have to
leave our memories here on Earth which are 5ull o5 suerings and sadness. The
ha--y memories aren"t even an
e
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% can hear the tic&ing o5 his wall cloc&. Tic&, tic&, tic&. %t has the same rhythm with
my heart'eat.
!o you"re dying, what"s your -lan now)
% would li&e to gain my 'irthday wish.
:eaning)
%"ll collect memories.
You said that according to last summer"s youthcam-"s -astor, when we die we only
'ring our souls with us, we leave
everything 'ehind even the memories. !o...)
%"m not con6dent with this 'ut % thin&... %"ll 'argain im-ortant -eo-le with God.
uh) 0argain) 1hat do you mean)
%"ll collect signatures and -ass the contract to God when % meet im.
!ignatures and a contract) 0argaining with God) 1hat are you saying, % don"t getyou.
% close my eyes and -ray, % ho-e God does.
=nd 5or the th signature... % am in my room, in 5ront o5 my study ta'le writing
the th signature owner on a -iece o5
'ond -a-er that % have claimed to call The 8ontract. 1hen % have 6nished writingthe last name, % raise the -a-er and
loo& at it 5or a minute and % let o a determined and ho-e5ul smile.
% -lace the -a-er on the ta'le and % stand u- 5rom my seat as % ta&e out my -hone
5rom my -oc&et and started searching
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a name in my -hone'oo&. 1hen %"ve 5ound it, % clic& the call 'utton and it 5eels li&e
my heart'eat is louder than the
-hone"s rings.
Ring, ring, ring...
!omeone -ic&s it u- a5ter ? or B rings. %t has 'een a long time. % wonder i5 this
-erson still remem'ers me...
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ello)
Your voice never changed.
PROPERTY OF haveyouseenthisgirl.yolasite.com
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7 First !ignature 9
1here are you going, ana&)C u-on entering my room, my mom is sur-rised too
see me in my (eans, (ac&et and ru''er
shoes. :y out6t clearly says that %"m going out.
:om, % need to go to the -ar&.
0ecause % have an old 5riend waiting 5or me...
=t a time li&e this)C
Oh -lease mom, don"t e
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#o.
% -out at her res-onse, #ot 5airC You usually allow me to go outside at this hour and
even lateC
Don"t you understand the situation)C in'etween her lines, % hear her so'. % don"t
&now i5 she"s crying, % can"t see her 5ace
neither her tears. % try to turn her to 5ace me and my thought is con6rmed, my mom
is crying again.
#o, not again 'ut always. :y mom is always crying since she &new a'out my
sic&ness and due date. 1hy does the
thought o5 dying ma&es a -erson cry) % want to &now, what is the saddest thing
a'out death) 1hat is there to cry a'out
death) 1hat is) 1hy) uestions.
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% em'race my mother and whis-er to her ear, % don"t understand the situation and
%"m not trying to understand it
anymore. %t might sound that %"m weary o5 all o5 these and %"m li&e giving u- 'ut %"ll
tell you the truth mom, %"m not dying.
!he -ushes me a little 'ecause she is ta&en a'ac& 5rom my words, You"re not
dying)C The doctor (ust said...
% (ust started living li5e so how come %"m dying) % will die 'ut %"m not dying, mom.
Please do remem'er that.
1hat... what are you saying) % don"t understand. You"re con5using meC !to- using
un5athoma'le -hrasesC
% wi-e the tears on mom"s chee& and &iss the ti- o5 her nose, :om, -lease let mego tonight) Please)
% (ust said you can"tHHH
Do you remem'er when % was in si
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and her) 1hy didn"t % see you guys hanging out anymore)
% 'ullied her.
Thic& and clear. :y words are nothing 'ut guilt and regret.
%HHH mom can"t even continue her word, she covers her mouth with her right hand
in astonishment.
%"m a 'ad girl mom, a 'ad 5riend. % want to understand why % did such things so
-lease, let me go. Please, mom.
Please.
=re you meeting her tonight)
% nod, =5ter Kyrs.
Then go.
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% -lace my hands inside my (ac&et"s -oc&et as % wal& to the -ar&. % loo& u- the s&y,
it"s a 5ull moon with lots o5 stars around
it. The wind is 'lowing hard , %"m glad % had my hair tied u-wards 'ecause i5 not, the
wind will (ust undo my hair and it"ll
'e really annoying. %t"s so Iuiet and calm here in the -ar& only the rustling o5 the
leaves can 'e heard, there is no one
here. =t a time li&e this, -eo-le are usually in their houses eating dinner or doing
their assigned wor&s, or may'e others
are having a -arty. 1ho &nows.
%"ve decided to settle mysel5 in one o5 the 'enches here, % start -laying with my
6ngers as % wait 5or her.
ello)
Your voice never changed.
1ho are you)
% was a 5riend.
uh)
Don"t you recogni>e my voice)
%s it you....
%t"s me, your 5ormer 'est5riend.
% don"t remem'er having a 'est5riend.
Then, can we get to &now each other and 'ecome 'est5riends) %"ll meet you at the
-ar& tomorrow at K-m. % would really
want to 'e 5riends with you.
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1hen % called her and she recogni>ed that it was me on the other line, her sweet
voice changed in a sour one. % can"t
'lame her, even i5 it has already 'een Kyears, the wound % gave her will always
remain a wound. % le5t a scar in her heart,
% don"t &now how to remove it. % as&ed her to meet me here and %"m not really sure i5
she"ll come 'ut % do ho-e she will
'ecause %"m here to as& 5orgiveness.
Tic&, toc&, tic&...
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%t"s -m already, is she coming or not)
:y ho-e o5 her coming 'egins to waver. % cross my 6ngers and &ee- chanting that,
!he"ll come. !he"ll come. !he"ll
come.
=5ter another hal5 hour, % decide to stand u- 5rom my seat. % wal& 'ac& and 5orth in
5ront o5 the 'ench with my 6ngers still
crossed and &e-t on chanting. % 5eel so 6dgety.
% sto-. % decide to -ull out my cell-hone 5rom my (ac&et"s -oc&et and dial hernum'er.
=s soon as %"ve heard the ringing o5 the other line, another sound -lays somewhere
near me.
LFor 'etter imagination, -lease -lay$ One 5riend 'y Dan !ealsM
% always thought you were the 'est
% guess % always will
% always thought that we were 'lessed
=nd % 5eel that way still
!ometimes we too& the hard road
0ut we always saw it through
% start searching the -lace, % &now that song. %t was our 5avorite song, it was our
graduation song in elementaryC
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%5 % had only one 5riend le5t
%"d want it to 'e you
!ometimes the world was on our side
!ometimes it wasn"t 5air
!ometimes it gavHH
Oh noC the music sto-s 'ut a5ter that % heard a -anic&y voice that came 5rom one
o5 the 'ushes near at my le5t side. %
turn my head to that direction and 5rom the moon"s re;ection, % see her standing
near a tree with a trou'led 5ace while
she is holding her -hone.
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HhiC she said stammering and em'arrassed.
!ometimes it gave a hel-ing hand
!ometimes we didn"t care
"8ause when we were together
%t made the dream come true
%5 % had only one 5riend le5t
%"d want it to 'e you
!omeone who understands me
% run towards her, (um- to her and hug her tightly. 1e 'oth 5ell on the ;oor, crying.
%"m sorry. %"m sorry. %"m sorryC % &ee- on saying while my crying 5ace is 'uried on
her chest. % 5elt her touch on my 'ac&
and her hug tightens.
Do you even &now how hard it was to decide whether to go to that 'ench and tal&
to you or (ust go 'ac& home) % was
already here when you arrived and 5or the last @hrs, %"ve 'een hesitating to show
mysel5 to youC she"s shouting to the to-
o5 her lungs, % don"t &now what emotions she has 'ecause % am too 6lled with my
own 5eelings to even recogni>e other"s.
%"m sorry 5or 'eing so mean to you way 'ac& then. % was (ust a5raid to 'e 'ullied
too. %"m sorry 5or 'eing sel6sh and
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leaving you all alone. %"m really sorry, % had 'een such a &id.
!ssh. 1e were only 4 'ac& then, so it"s acce-ta'le. %t"s more li&ely to thin& o5
ourselves when were &ids 'ut % guess
that we"re not &ids anymore, you"re not li&e that 5rom the -ast anymore right) she
-ulls me away 5rom her and holds me
in my 5ace loo&ing directly in my eyes 6lled with tears li&e hers.
Yes, % still am. % still thin& o5 mysel5 and %"m still sel6sh 'ut % will never commit the
same mista&e again. % never succeeded
in 6nding someone li&e you...
=nd &nows me inside out
el-s &ee- me together
=nd 'elieves without a dou't,
That % could move a mountain
!omeone to tell it to
%5 % had only one 5riend le5t
%"d want it to 'e you
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!omeone
=nd &nows me inside out
el-s &ee- me together
=nd 'elieves without a dou't,
That % could move a mountain
!omeone to tell it to
8an we 'oth sto- searching) %t"s more than im-ossi'le to 6nd our re-licates. she
smiles at me. = smile that 'rings all
ho-e in my heart.
=m % 5orgiven)
2ong ago. %"ve only 'een waiting 5or you to call me 'ut you never did and %"m glad
yesterday night, you"ve 6nally decided
to -atch things u-. % miss hugging you li&e this, % miss you, my 'est5riend.
1e hug each other again, stayed down there in the 'ushes crying while the moon
'ecomes the witness o5 our mending
5riendshi-.
%5 % had only one 5riend le5t
%"d want it to 'e you
Even i5 it was that late, we decided to en(oy the night to a 4A/ &arao&e 'ar and
sung our hearts out in the &arao&e. 1e
en(oyed it so much that we almost 5orgot the time. 1e decided to wal& home
together at around .am. !ince her
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house is nearer than mine, % am the one to accom-any her to her house and wal&
'ac& home alone.
=re you sure you can go 'ac& home alone) Don"t you thin& it"ll 'e too dangerous)
she says as she o-ens the gate o5
her house, %5 you want you can stay here or %"ll as& dad to give you a ride 'ac&
home.
That"ll 'e great 'ut % thin& %"ll (ust wal& 'ac& home alone. Than&s anyway. %
re5used.
1ell then, %"ll 'e heading. Goodnight and 0ye.
Goodnight to you too.she closes the door, turns her 'ac& and starts wal&ing to her
house 'ut 'e5ore she could reach
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the door o5 their house, % sto- her,1aitC
!he turns to me, Yes)
% -ull out a 5olded -a-er and a small -en 5rom my (ean"s -oc&et,8an you sign this)
!he wal&s 'ac& to the gate and o-ens it, 1hat is it)
% un5olded the -a-er to the -art o5 her name and show it to her, % need your
signature.
For what)
%"m collecting signatures.
For what) she re-eats her Iuestion while she starts signing it. ere.
Than& you. %t"s a secret, you"ll &now in the near 5uture. $@
OhC = secret, huh) %"ll 'e loo&ing 5orward to it. 1ell then, goodnight againC !ee
youC
0ye 'yeC she returns to her house, closes the door and % start wal&ing 'ac& to my
house.
OhC = secret, huh) %"ll 'e loo&ing 5orward to it. 1ell then, goodnight againC!ee
youC
% don"t &now when we would see each other again. =s o5 now, 'ye 'ye.
% ta&e a loo& to the contract, 5olded it and -ut it 'ac& inside my (ean"s -oc&et.
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N more signatures and % 5eel this wea& already.
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4nd signature
!o how was it, 'a'y)
now what, a normal human will 6nd this 'argaining sad and des-erate 'ut 5or me,% 6nd it riveting. then % smile at him,
0a'y, %"m cra>y am % not)
e -inches my nose, !ometimes % want to 'elieve that my dad was (o&ing a'out
your 6ndings.
ey, hey. 1hat i5 he"s really (o&ing)
Yeah, right. we 'oth laugh at a very stu-id conversation.
1e"re seated on a hammoc& in our 'ac&yard. % told him a'out the 6rst signature and
he &e-t on as&ing me who"re the
others 'ut % &e-t his curiosity intact.
!o, will % 'e a'le to sign that contract too)
mm, my tone is insinuating, !orry to say 'ut there werent any s-ace anymore.
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The usual sensitive him wears the universal scowl and % then 'urst out laughing as %
-at his arm, %"m (ust &iddingC
1hy youC % run away 5rom him as he tries to tic&le me. 1e run around in circle li&e
cra>y.
RisaC we only sto--ed when mom saw us, You shouldn"t 'e running li&e thatC
!he gets a 5ace towel and starts wi-ing my sweat li&e %"m some ?year old &iddo.
:omC % said &inda a'ashed, !to- it, a little sweat won"t &ill.
FineC Go sweat 'ut dont dieC
:om stom-s in the house and le5t us. % 5ace my 'oy5riend and whis-er to his ear,
0a'y, hel- me esca-e on the night o5
the reunion -arty. % want to go, mom won"t let me.
% am tal&ing a'out our school"s reunion -arty, there"ll 'e a reunion -arty tomorrow
to meet our old highschool 5riends
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which ha--ens to 'e my college 5riends as well though % did not really have the
chance to 6nish college 'ecause o5 my
sic&ness. #o one in my 5ormer class &nows a'out why % suddenly le5t school even
my teachers don"t have any idea, %
gave them no clue and did not contact them anymore. % was stuc& in the hos-ital
and did not have any chance to see
them anymore, % did not allow visits since % dont want anyone to &now a'out this
monster inside me. % miss them, % miss
my 5riends, % miss my teachers. % miss going to the -lace % once hated to go, % miss
going to school.
They all graduated without me and now there"s a reunion -arty. For the last time, %want to see them and set 5oot in my
'eloved alma mater.
!ure 'a'e, %"ll ta&e you with me tomorrow night.
:y 'oy5riend"s also going there since he"s also my classmate. 1e went to the same
school since elementary. Yes, we"ve
'een together 5or that long. =ren"t we that ine
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e loo&s distracted, %5 anything ha--ens to you, %"m gonna &ill you. !eriously
s-ea&ing here.
aha, is that su--ose to threaten me) 8ome on, let"s go now 'e5ore mom notices
us. as 5or the -lan o5 snea&ing out,
we"re gonna use my 'edroom window to esca-e. :y room"s on the second ;oor 'ut
it"s not that high so we tied Q ¬ted
@ long 'lan&ets together to get us some good slide down esca-e 5rom my room. %"m
surely gonna 'e scolded a5ter this
'ut who cares, getting scolded is something that dri5ts away 5ast 5rom our minds 'ut
the regrets will 'e hard to remove.
% -re5er to 'e scolded than to 5eel regrets in my heart.
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% 5eel so an
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Ohgosh, it"s reall youC You (ust dro--ed out o5 the school without a wordC
ey, % missed you girlC 1hat ha--ened)
ey, % thought you were a'ducted 'y the aliensC You (ust disa--eared one day andwe didnt have any news a'out you
a5terC
This is so good to 'e true, girl you don"t &now how much % missed youC % cried when
you did not show yoursel5 anymoreC
% was worriedC
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0ac& then, everyone in the class was as&ing the teachers and even the -rinci-al
a'out youC 1e wanted to &now what
ha--ened to you 'ut no one &new. That was so sadC
ey hey guys, calm down. % smiled at them, they were li&e in chaos shooting
words to me that % mysel5 can"t even
com-rehend anymore, %"m sorry a'out my sudden disa--earance. % &inda le5t
school 5or some -rivate reasons and ho-e
you guys would understand. % can"t tell you the reasons why 'ut hey the reason
doesnt matter anymore. =tleast %"m 'ac&
right) % missed you guys, instead o5 telling you something a'out me why don"t you
guys narrate something to me a'out
those days)
They recounted me everything o5 the old days they had. %t seems so 5un, % wish %
was there with them at those times. %
wish % was with them... % wish....
Please e
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Yeah. Just one more thing, accom-any me to our 5ormer adviser. % need to give him
something.
:r. Reyes, our 5ormer adviser in highschool almost had a hard time recogni>ing
who % was, 8an you -lease read this
to the class later)
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% hand him a 5olded letter, 1hat"s this)
!omething im-ortant sir, it"s a message 5rom me to the class.
hh, why in a letter)
% -re5er writing it than saying it. This is a 5avor sir, last 5avor so % ho-e you wouldn"t
mind. =nd oh sir, -lease sign
something, % ta&e out the contract 5rom my small 'ag and also a -en.
!ign) 1hy)
%"m collecting signatures sir, some sort o5 memory collecting. 1ell, it"s not li&e % can
as& the whole class to sign it so as
the re-resentative sir -lease sign here. % showed him only the -art where he should
sign and the rest o5 the contract, %
had it 5olded so he won"t see what it"s a'out.
1ell, i5 that"s the case. he then signs on the contract and % waved him good'ye.
= letter to my teachers and to my classmates,
This is so ironic, % remem'er that once my english teacher as&ed the whole class to
write an essay with a certain theme
o5 1hat % want to ha--en 'e5ore dying, % &inda did not ta&e it seriously. % (ust wrote
there that % want to eat all the 5oods %
want to eat 'e5ore dying.
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0ut % am now rewriting that essay, this is now the real essay. % want to tell you guys
what % want to ha--en 'e5ore dying.
% won"t change my essay way 'ac& then, % still do want to eat all the 5oods % want to
eat 'e5ore dying 'ut % would want to
add some 5ew things.
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0e5ore dying, % want to get married HH o5 course, to my everloving 'oy5riend. % am a
ho-eless romantic, you &now that
guys.
0e5ore dying, % want to see my 5riends and have a nice chitchat with them. Playing
'ac& the nostalgias.
0e5ore dying, % want to say sorry to everyone % have hurt. % want to ma&e -eace with
my enemies. % want to 'e 5orgiven
with my sins.
0e5ore dying, % want to sing on a &arao&e 'ar which % have never done in my li5e
since %"m very shy with my singing
talent.
0e5ore dying, % want to go the cinema and watch a 6lm together with my whole
5amily.
0e5ore dying, % want to hug my 'rother and my sister and tell them to en(oy their
lives and ta&e care o5 themselves. =nd
to tell my little 'rother to ta&e care o5 my little sister as they grow u-, to tell him to
-rotect his little sister 5rom 'ad guys
who would want to 'rea& her heart.
0e5ore dying, % want to 'uy a seed and to ma&e a -lant grow.
0e5ore dying, % want to shout in the center o5 the city that % have lived li5e to the
5ullest.
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0e5ore dying, % want to -ray to God and than& im 5or everything.
0e5ore dying...
% don"t &now what to add anymore, % have lots in mind. =nd a lot more to come
may'e and i5 % enumerate everything, it"ll
ta&e tomorrow to 6nish this essay.
1ell, this letter is not really a'out me... it"s actually a'out you guys.
First o5 all, % would want to than& my teachers 5or everything. % want to than& you 5or
annoying, 'oring me out, con5using
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me, giving me headaches with those lessons to study. %"ll surely miss those times
that % -anic everytime there"s a sur-rise
Iui>. %"ll also miss the times that % get a low grade and you guys scold me 5or not
studying hard. Than&s teachers 5or your
&ind concern, % &now you were only strict to us 'ecause you want us to have a
'etter 5uture. You teachers are one o5 the
'est ty-e o5 -eo-le here in this world, you nourish us students to 'e a 'etter
-erson. You taught us not (ust something
there is on the 'oo&s 'ut also what there is in li5e. You are my second -arents, than&
you second moms and dads. % love
you, &ee- on giving a 'righter 5uture to your second sons and daughters.
Than& you also to my classmates, need % say more) You are a mi< o5 everything. =
total chaos that % en(oyed the most.
!ometimes we 6ght 5or some silly things li&e who did not clean on the cleaner"s
schedule, who was on the noisy list, who
stole the 'all-en, who"s such a teacher"s -et, who did not give his share with the
class 5und. =nd who would 5orget the
cons-iracies we had during Iui>>es, e
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them. % love you my dear classmates, % swear i5 %"d 'e given another chance % won"t
esca-e 5rom the cleaner"s schedule
anymore.
=nd % also want than& the (anitors who cleans the whole school and the guards who
won"t let us go out in class hours. %
did have the chance to tal& to them and 'ac& then, they told me stories a'out their
li5e or sometimes they (ust give me
silly &noc& &noc& (o&es. They"re also a -art o5 my li5e.
Everything in this school is everything to me.
% lived hal5 o5 my li5e here.
% once hated wa&ing u- early, going to school, studying and 'urning midnight oils
and wa&ing u- early again to go to
school.
% hated it and now, % want it all 'ac&. % want the old routine 'ac&.
%5 only % &new how sic& % would 'e in the 5uture, % should have a--reciated every
moments 'ac& then.
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Yes, % le5t school 'ecause % got sic&. =nd now, %"m dying. % don"t really have much
time with me anymore and may'e this
is my last good'ye to everyone in my second home, with my second 5amily.
Good'ye guys, %"ll miss you.
HRisa
% ste--ed out o5 the school, % le5t it.
!o you"re now on the third signature) my 'oy5riend as&s me as we head 'ac&
home.
Yeah, do you want to &now who"s ne
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everyday. !ometimes it crosses my mind a very trou'ling Iuestion, i5 % die will my
'oy5riend suer li&e how my grandma
suers 5or the lost o5 her dear hus'and) #ot (ust with my 'oy5riend 'ut also with my
entire 5amily, will mom continue
crying even a5ter % die) 1ill dad still 'e sad when %"m gone) 1ill they 'e a'le to
move on) Dying is not something that
-ains me, the thing that actually -ains me is the thought o5 leaving those who are
dear to me in anguish o5 my lost.
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% could still remem'er, grandma... % mum'le -icturing ;ash'ac&s in my mind, %t
was around B in the evening, summer
o5 my ?th year...
:essage sent. % mum'led a5ter sending my message to Deyl, my 'oy5riend which
'y that time was (ust a sim-le 5riend
to me and my 5eelings 5or him was still little and undiscovered. % waited 5or his
res-onse Q the other"s as well as % sat in
my grand-arent"s 'ench on their -orch. Our 5amily decided to s-end our summer
vacation in our grand-arent"s house
'ut 5or a teenager li&e me s-ending my summer in the oldies" house was very
'oring so % ended u- wasting my summer
with my 'eloved -hone te
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1hatever that is, the oldies don"t really remem'er techology terms at all, olding
it always and having your head
'owed down all the time. :y dear grandchild, you"re missing out one o5 the greatest
view in the world.
uh) 1hat"s the su--osed to mean)
e -ointed 5orward and % loo& to where he"s -ointing, That"s why % don"t li&e how
time changed our li5e, technologies
a--eared and we worshi--ed it too much that we came to the -oint o5 'owing our
heads to it. Technologies made us
less o5 an o'server, we don"t a--reciate the marvelous things around us anymore
'ecause we 'ow down our heads to
su-er6cial things.
% 5elt a sudden goose'um- as % watched the sun setting down to rise u- on the other
side o5 the world. % never had the
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chance to see a sunset ever in my li5e, that was the 6rst time. % than& gram-s 5or it,
i5 it wasn"t 5or him %"ll 'e 5orever
ignorant o5 the 'eauty o5 the sun waving good'ye. %t was 'reathta&ing, the sun
slowly going down as the red orange
color o5 the s&y con6rmed us that the day was already over.
True 'eauties are (ust in 5ront you, it"s (ust a matter o5 raising your head and -aying
attention. %5 you 'ow down your
head to su-er6cial things, you sure are missing out hal5 o5 the world. grand-a
6nished his sentence with a -u on his
cigarette.
There was nothing s-ecial that day on the -orch with gram-s 'ut % don"t &now why
it never le5t my mind. %t"s a -igment o5
my memory with gram-s. !ince then, watching the sunset 'ecame a ho''y to me.
1e went 'ac& home in the a5ternoon. ome means Grandma"s house. Yes, % went
here on my own, % rode the train. %
decided to -ay her a visit and also to as& her 5or her signature. The third signature
goes to her.
!o how"s your mom) she hands me my cu- o5 tea as she sits 'eside me on that
same -orch % sat with gram-s that
summer. This old rustic oa& 'ench is in dire need o5 re-lacing, the sla's crea& a 'it
when rested u-on.The thin 'oards
have grown withered and s-lintered. %t was white, now it"s almost grey. %ts color5aded as grand-a did and soon, %"ll 5ade
too.
:om is 6ne, her tummy"s growing 'ig. Doesn"t lac& a lot, % meant her tummy, her
tummy"s ready 5or delivery. % 5orgot to
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mention that she"s -regnant, 5or almost Kmonths. =nytime, she might give 'irth.
That"s why sometimes it worries me that
her de-ression a'out my illness may cause a -ro'lem with her -regnancy. % don"t
want something 'ad to ha--en to my
mom neither to my 'a'y sister, we"re already sure that"s its a 'a'y girl and mom
grant me the -rivilege to name her. %
haven"t told them yet what name % want 5or her 'ut % already have something in
mind.
Oh, % see. %"m e
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!ignature)
% e
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im and in the end, it"s not how long you lived 'ut its how short you regretted.
D"you remem'er what you told me,
grandma) You said that we all are God"s children. %"ve 'een thin&ing a'out it these
-ast 5ew wee&s, we all are God"s
children and the 1orld is (ust our -layground where God le5t us all to -lay and have
5un. 1e -lay with each other, have
5un, get hurt, hel- one another, eat when we get e
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% giggle, % haven"t grandma, %"m too la>y 5or that 'ut % thin& %"m one o5 those ty-e o5
-eo-le who gets to &now God when
on the verge o5 dying. % don"t &now why 'ut % never 5elt is -resence this close to
my heart, may'e 'ecause % need im)
% remove mysel5 5rom grandma"s hug to si- on my tea % -laced on my side on the
'ench, %"m not angry with God, % don"t
wanna argue with im, % don"t want to as& im why me o5 all -eo-le, why so sudden
and such Iuestions. =ctually, e
might seem to 'e cruel 5or ta&ing me on such a young age 'ut truth is, % thin& e"s
'een nice to me. e gave me the time
to live 'e5ore dying unli&e others who died without even a warning, those who died
on a car crash, une
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'rushing my hair that ma&es me 5eel so slee-y.
Then she whis-ers, 1hen you meet your grand-a, tell him that % miss him so much.
%ts so lonely when there"s no one
you can scold 5or their vices.
% giggle, 1ill do.
+++
H Ath Q ?th !ignatures
1e"re going to the >oo, aren"t you e
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to 'rush her hair as she (um-s nonsto-, % still managed to give her a neat -onytail
with a small red ri''on. er name"s
:ichelle 'ut we call her 8hill since it sounds cuter that way. !he"s my Byrs old little
sister, she"s clueless a'out my
illness. !he"s too young to understand it.
=ren"t you guys done yet) im-atient as always, my little 'rother whose not so
little anymore since he"s already K
a--ears on my room"s door.
8oming &uya ErosC 8hill (um-s 5rom the 'ed to run to his 'ig 'rother and -ulls him
'y the hand 'ut 'e5ore going she
turns to me and orders me e
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her tri--ed and she starts crying on the ;oor.
ey, are you o&) as soon as % reached her, % stood her u- and chec& her &nees and
el'ows 5or 'ruises and 5ound
none, You shouldn"t ran li&e that all o5 a sudden, you got me worried.
!he &ee-s on crying with her &nuc&les on her eyes, she must"ve 'een hurt 5rom that
5all. % try removing her hands away
5rom her 5ace and wi-e her tears with my hand&erchie5, #ow, now, don"t cry.
Everything"s gonna 'e alright, the -ain will
'e gone i5 you sto- crying. 8"mon 8hill, ate Risa"s gonna 'uy you some cotton candy
and a 'alloon too.
!he sto-s 5rom crying and her smile widens, Really) % want the 'lue oneC
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%"ll 'uy you the 'alloon you -re5er, c"mon, % -ull her 'y the hand as we head to the
'alloon vendor.
The 'eauty o5 'eing a &id is when you 5all to the ground and get yoursel5 hurt, there
would always 'e someone to -ull
you u- and will tell you that everything"s going to 'e alright and the -ain will 5ade.
=nd when your a &id, sim-le things li&e
cotton candies and 'alloons can cheer you u- already. #othing"s really 'etter than
'eing a sim-le minded &id.
Thing is, when % was little % never a--reciated what 'eauty % was e
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Than& you 8hill, remem'er when % told you that %"m going to a 5ar away land) she
nods to tell me that she remem'ers,
1ell, ate Risa"s a'out to go and % want some remem'rance 5rom you.
You"re going already) %5 you want a remem'rance, %"ll give you my teddy.
% -at her head, %n the -lace %"m going, % can"t 'ring anything with me and that
means no teddies too.
1ell, you cant 'ring that -a-er too) she meant the contract she (ust signed.
!sh, %"ll snea& it in with me.
1hat a'out the teddy) 8ant you snea& it in, too)
The -a-er"s small so its not that visi'le 'ut the teddy"s 'ig so its gonna 'e too
o'vious.
=5ter some time, Eros went 'ac& with sodas in hand and a 'uc&et o5 -o-corns. 1e
ate and rested 5or awhile and a5ter
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that, we continue with this >oo tour.
1e head 'ac& home at around B-m and 8hill is surely tired as she got &noc&ed out
as soon as we got on the 'us. :om
-re-ared us dinner 'ut % 'rought 8hill 6rst to my room and lay her to my 'ed. %
cover her with my 'lan&et and watch her
slee-ing 5ace, 1hen % leave, my room will 'e yours so ta&e good care o5 it o&ay)
=lways ma&e sure that you tidy u-
your room, 5old your 'lan&ets well every morning. =nd when you grow u-, you can
use my clothes. % ho-e we have the
same 5ashion taste.
% remove my heart nec&lace that mom gave me when % was little, %"ve 'een wearing
this nec&lace 5or more than ?years
and now %"m giving it to 8hill. % -ut it on her nec& as she slee-s, % &iss her on the
5orehead and my tears start running
down Q dro--ing to her chu''y chee&s, =te Risa loves you, remem'er that always
8hill.
=t dinner, we (ust told mom Q dad how energetic 8hill was and 5or e
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so distant. e used to 'e a cheer5ul -erson then he changed into someone who
always wear a 5rown on his 5ace, then
there will 'e times that he"ll go 'ac& home with wounds on his 5ace and there was
even a time wherein the -olice came
to our house to arrest him 5or almost &illing someone 'ut luc&ily he got 'ailed out
since he"s still a minor. e also ;un&ed
school 5or a'out 4 times. % don"t &now what got into him, we Iuestion i5 its 'ecause
o5 his -eer or he"s (ust undergoing
adolescenthood"s re'el genes. 1ho &nows, 'ut Eros gonna 'e Eros he"s still sweet
when it comes to us, his sisters.
Yeah, the >oo was 'oring 'ut that"s the last time %"ll 'e ta&ing out my 'ig sisterout on a date, right)
% cling to his arm and lay my head on his shoulder, You"re the sweetest 'rother.
Please ta&e care o5 your sisters, don"t let
them get hurt. 1hen 8hill grows u-, % &now she"s going to 'e a 'eauti5ul girl and
guys gonna go cra>y over her and then
she"ll 5all inlove 'ut ma&e sure to 'rea& the 5ace o5 the guy who will 'rea& her
heart.
Then % -aused and laugh, #ah, %"m (ust &idding. Don"t 'rea& his 5ace, % don"t want
you to hurt any'ody anymore. 8an
you do this 5avor 5or me, Eros... sto- 6ghting and sto- 'eing a re'el)
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% did not receive a res-onse, he (ust watch the starry s&y in silence li&e there is
something written on the s&y then a5ter a
moment he s-ea&s to me, O&ay, %"ll sto- re'elling 'ut % won"t sto- 6ghting. You
&now what sis, 6ghting is not 'ad as long
as you &now that what you"re 6ghting 5or is something that you &now is worth it and
right. =nd you are the 'est 6ghter %"ve
ever &nown in my li5e, sis. You"re stronger than me.
% saw a tear 5ell on his eyes 'ut he wi-es it in haste may'e 'ecause he doesn"t want
me to see him crying, he"s
em'arrassed. e cough to clear his voice that seems to croa& anytime, You"re the
strongest -erson %"ve ever met, you"re
6ghting "til the end. !ince the day you &new a'out your sic&ness, % never saw you
giving u- not even 5or a second. %5 %
were in your -osition, % might not 'e a'le to reach the -oint you"ve already
reached. Death did not scare you, it"s already
in 5ront o5 you 'ut still you can smile. There"s really nothing to do a'out it, huh)
Death, death, death. 1hat"s the 'ig deal a'out it) % smile to him, Death nor anysic&ness can control your li5e, they
would enter in your li5e 'ut you should never succum' yoursel5 to them. ey Eros,
%"d li&e to as& you to sign
something...
% show him the contract 'ut did not e
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Yeah, -romise me not to change your -hone"s wall-a-er until you 5ound the girl
you"re sure you"ll love 5or the rest o5
your li5e. =nd everytime you"re thin&ing o5 hurting that girl, (ust loo& at that -icture
'ecause everytime you hurt a girl, you"ll
'e hurting your sister too.
%"ll surely miss you, ate Risa. he hugs me as he cries li&e he used to when we
we"re little. Peo-le grow u- 'ut there
will always 'e a -art o5 us that will remain.
? !ignatures to go and %"m almost through.
+++
Bth Q th !ignature
O&ay, en(oy your day. 0ye 8hillC
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0ye mom, 'ye ate RisaC my little sister waves her hand and turns immediately to
go to her classroom to -lay with her
classmates.
=5ter mom and % had accom-anied 8hill to her school, we went to the hos-ital to
have my chec& u-. % don"t really want to
go 'ut mom"s very insistent.
% really recommend to con6ne her here in the hos-ital. %t"ll 'e much 'etter, atleast
we"ll 'e a'le to control her conditions.
% don"t want toC %"ll never loc& mysel5 in this 'uildingC % detest it when they try
-ursuing me to (ail me here. % don"t want to
stay in the hos-ital no matter how sic& % 5eel. % don"t want to die hel-less in one o5
those white rooms, that"s -atheticC
Risa, % 5elt mom"s hands cu--ed mine, 8an you give it a second thought)
Yeah, give it a second thought. Your condition has gotten worse than 'e5ore and i5
we don"t get to control it regularly,
who &nows what will ha--en)
E
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That was very rude o5 you, Risa. mom starts to scold me as soon as we get in the
car, 1hy did yHHH
:om, % can"t ta&e it anymore, % lay my head on her shoulder and started crying,
1hy too early)
% might 'e trying to act tough and &e-t on saying that dying is normal that % have
nothing to 5rea& out. Even i5 %"m trying to
act normal, even i5 %"m trying to 'oost mysel5 u-, even i5 % seem to have acce-ted
everything... Dee- inside me, there"s a
-art that"s colla-sing one 'y one.
% hate mysel5 right now, a5ter all the eorts o5 showing you guys that %"m 6ne, that
there"s nothing to worry a'out here %
am crying li&e some stu-id des-erate -erson. % was 5ull o5 ho-e 'ut all o5 a sudden, %
5elt a an une
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Every strong -erson has their time o5 de5eat and you Risa, you are a strong -erson
who is in your time o5 de5eat. 2earn
to acce-t that not everytime you can 5eel so strong, there will always 'e those
times that you"ll 5eel li&e giving u- 'ut hey,
everyone has their own moments o5 giving u- so you shouldnt de-ress yoursel5 li&e
that. %, mysel5, 5elt li&e giving u- 5or a
lot o5 times. !ince the day % &new your illness, % never sto--ed 5rom crying and you
&now that, you have witnessed how
many tears % have shed 5or you. 0ut you &now what"s the reason why % can still
ma&e it through the day) Do you &now
who can still ma&e me smile even a5ter all those tears) %t"s the same -erson who
made me cry, its you. You are my
ins-iration, you are the reason why % can still ma&e it through the day no matter
how much sadness %"m 5eeling. You &now
why) %t"s 'ecause % never saw you cry 5or your condition, it was always me who cry
5or you and to 'e honest, % 5eel &ind
o5 glad to see you 6nally cry 'ecause it was always you to com5ort me and now it"s
my turn to com5ort you. You can
always cry whenever you 5eel, Risa. %"m here 5or you, %"ll try my 'est to 'e a great
mom.
#o one is strong alone, everyone has their moment o5 5alling and there will always
'e someone to stand you u-. Don"t
'e a5raid to 5eel such emotions, you are not alone.
% listened to each and every word she said and % 5elt li&e crying harder than 'e5ore,
% don"t 5eel li&e going yet. %"m not yet
ready.
#o one is, 'ut you can always as& God to e
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% (ust closed my eyes and cried nonsto-. #o matter how % try to sto- the tears 5rom
5alling, they (ust &ee- on ;owing.
Oh God, -lease don"t ta&e me yet. Just a little more time, % 'eg you.
=5ter that small tal& with mom in the car, we decided not to waste time on dramas
and we head to the mall 5or some
sho--ing slash 'onding time. %t has 'een a long time since % last went sho--ing with
mom, % usually hang out with my
5riends so % don"t really have much o5 that so called 5amily 'onding.
1e ate lunch at a 5ancy restaurant inside the mall, chec&ed on the shoes and 'ags
at some 5avorite 'outiIue sho-s, did
some groceries and most o5 all, we 'ought some maternal stu.
1hich cri' do you thin& is the cutest) she"s as&ing me 'etween identical cri's that
is only dierentiated with their
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colors, 'lue and red. % chose the 'lue one since it"s my 5avorite color. 1e (ust as&ed
the sho- to have the stu we 'ought
delivered to our house.
1e roam around the sho- 5or a little 'it more and as we wal& around, a -air o5 soc&s
caught my attention. % -ull my mom
to the -art o5 the 'a'y soc&s, :om, can % -ic& her 6rst -air o5 soc&s)
!ure, go ahead.
% rummage at the -ile o5 soc&s, % 5eel so giddy with all these tiny soc&s. They"re
tinier than my -alm and that"ll 'e the
length o5 my 5uture 'a'y sister"s 5eet. ow cuteC =5ter some time, % decided to get
the sim-liest white soc&s 5or my 5uture
'a'y sister, :om, % want that this -air o5 soc&s will 'e the 6rst -air she"ll wear. %t
will 'e sort o5 a remem'rance 5rom me
to her so % ho-e she"ll &ee- it even a5ter she grows u-. % want her to &now that she
has a 'ig sister 'esides 8hill that gave
her these soc&s, % hand it to her and decided to -ic& out a -iece o5 -a-er and also a
-en in my -oc&et, =nd mom... can
you -lease sign this)
1hat is this) she was a'out to un5old it 'ut % sto--ed her.
:om, -lease (ust sign it without loo&ing. % -leaded and with that, she agreed to
sign it without arguments.
=5ter she signed it and gave it 'ac& to me, we are a'out to go to the cashier when
she suddenly gra''ed me 'y the arm
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as she held her tummy with her other hand, 1ait RHrisa... =HaaahCCC
:Hmom) 1hat"s going on) % start to -anic as % realise that may'e she"s a'out to
deliver the 'a'y.
Risa, 'H'ring me to the nearest hos-italC uic&C
% was right, it"s time already. % hurriedly as& hel- to the sta o5 the store de-artment
and they &indly lend us a hand to
'ring mom to the nearest hos-ital.
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!he"s 'eauti5ul, isn"t she) my dad who"s 'eside me as&ed as we watch my 'a'y
sister 5rom the window glass. !he"s
(ust some hours old, she"s so little and so 5ragile. !he"s li&e an angel on a heavenly
slum'er.
Yeah, % re-lied still enchanted with my sister"s slee-ing 5ace.
% got distracted when % heard my 5ather chuc&led, 1hat is it dad)
#othing, % (ust remem'ered the day you were 'orn.
% (ust got home 5rom wor& when your mom 5elt that you"re a'out to get out o5 her
tummy so % had had to drive her in rush
to the hos-ital. %t was cra>y, dad narrates with 5ull nostalgia, as i5 he has the -ast
rolling in 5ront o5 him. Dad has this
smile on his 5ace that % don"t usually see 'ecause my dad is a serious and a 'usy
man who always has his 5ace either
covered with a news-a-er or some sort o5 documents, Funny thing is, % was really
in need o5 the com5ort room that time.
% have eaten something rotten % thin&, it was also an emergency case 5or my tummy
that time. 0ut it was a tragedy 5or me
'ecause % 'adly needed to ta&e it out 5rom my tummy and so does your mom that
needed to ta&e you out 5rom hers. 0ut
o5 course, % managed to 'ring her on the hos-ital sa5e and sound and have ta&en
care o5 my own tummy a5terwards. 0ut
the thing % have not managed is seeing you getting out o5 her and hearing yourmom screaming and when it was done
and % heard your cry, % actually 5elt a great relie5 and colla-sed then and there. The
ne
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her arms with a smile on her 5ace. %t was the cra>iest and at the same time,
ha--iest moment o5 my li5e. That was the
day % 6nally 'ecame a dad.
% don"t really hug my dad and he doesn"t as well, 'ut sometimes em'arrassment
goes second when the love you 5eel is
stronger. 1ho &nows i5 this would 'e the last time 'ut % would surely miss this tall
man who always wor& hard to 'uy us
our morning cereals.
=nd i5 mom owns the Bth signature, dad has the th.
% could have named her o-e or :iracle since she"s the li5e that would su'stitute
mine.
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% can hear 5ootste-s 5rom the outside 'rea&ing the silence around, suddenly % heard
a cry o5 a child as well. On second
thought there wasn"t any silence in the 6rst -lace, i5 % listen more care5ully, the
outside is actually noisy. =side 5rom the
5ootste-s that go 'ac& and 5orth and the cry o5 a child, % can also hear some -eo-le
coughing and uttering unintelligi'le
words and there are also -hones 'ee-ing and ringing one a5ter another.
1hy am % here) % loo& at him straight in the eyes somewhat accusing. Funny, % am
in a -lace % said % would never stay
even i5 % die HHH the hos-ital. %rritating as %"ve always thought, the dra' white colour
o5 the hos-ital walls never 5ail to throw
a 'uc&et o5 cold water over my s-irit. %nstead o5 5eeling well, % 5eel li&e having
nausea anytime due to that un-leasent
smell stereoty-e hos-itals have HHH is it 5rom some &ind o5 medication, or is it 5rom
all that 'leach)
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1e didn"t really want to ta&e you here without your concern 'ut @days ago, you
(ust colla-sed a5ter vomiting 'lood and
a5ter several trials o5 wa&ing you u-, 'ut to no avail, we started to -anic. % called my
dad to chec& on you and he said,
you need -ro-er medication that could only 'e given in the hos-ital and that
e
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ow 'ad is it) % as&ed him while he closes the window, he turns around not
understanding my Iuestion.
ow 'ad is what)
You &now, % smile at him, encouraging him to tell me, :y condition.
Oh, he turns his 'ac& to me this time may'e loo&ing outside 5rom the window,
Fine. Yeah, you"re 6ne.
% laugh wea&ly, sounding almost 5orced and stu-id. % &new it, when he says 6ne... it"snot. That"s the most com-rehensi'le
lie when someone"s sic&, You thin& %"m going to 'uy that) Tell me the truth.
Truth) he re-eats the last word % said, turns to me and loo& at me straight in the
eyes. e -aused 5or a while adding an
un-leasant tension in the room, % -leaded silently loo&ing in his uncertain eyes.
=5ter a while, glistening tears 5orm in his
eyes and hover 5or a moment 'e5ore they 5ell wetly u-on his chee&. is tear
e
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saying anything.
% understand.
% understand, % understand, % understand.
1hy are we even worrying 5or the worst, haven"t we 'een there a lot o5 times) From
the moment % got sic&, there was
never any ho-e 'ut only miracles to save me... 0ut what does miracle really means)
Risa, his voice seemed caught in his throat as he struggles to 5orm the words, %"m
sorry, %"m really sorry.
% call the name o5 this guy in 5ront o5 me crying li&e a mere child lost in the city,
e
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'edsheet, how -ain5ul could it 'e 5or the -eo-le that cares 5or me to see the
'edsheet 'eing removed in this 'ed) !im-le
changing o5 'edsheet can mean nothing to a lot 'ut in this world, in this moment,
out o5 'illion might 'e crying
'ecause as he says good'ye to a 'edsheet he says good'ye to someone too.
1hen my 'oy5riend calmed down, % decided to as& him, Did you 'ring my contract
with you)
0ecause % did not e
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Do me a 5avor. =5ter your today"s visit, 'e5ore heading home can you -lease -ass
'y my house and get the contract in
the drawer ne
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+++
Nth Q th !ignatures
7F%#=2 PO!T9
Feels li&e %"m a'out to detach mysel5 5rom this world.
%t"s -ast midnight and lights must 'e turned o already. % should 'e slee-ing at this
moment o5 time 'ut % (ust can"t slee-,
there"s too much silence that % can"t concentrate on slee-ing. =nd another thing,
once % close my eyes thoughts start to
cloud my head and it"s very irritating 5or me. :y thoughts won"t (ust leave me alone.
% want to esca-e.
% want to 6nd the Nth signature owner already so %"ll 'e done with this contract since
the th signature owner is not very
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hard 5or me to 6nd.
0e5ore everything else, % reach my -hone on my sideta'le and % turn on the lights
o5 my room.
% com' my hair with my 6ngers as % turn on the camera o5 my -hone and switch it to
video mode.
O&ay, it"s ready, % say as % hold the -hone to me and 'rush some loose strands o5
hair away 5rom my 5ace and -lace it
to the 'ac& o5 my ear, HhiC
% laugh a5terwards 5or stuttering while saying a sim-le greeting, it"s as i5 %"m on the
center o5 a stage with a 'ig crowd
when reality is %"m (ust alone here tal&ing with my -hone and no one sees me. % 5eel
nervous nonetheless.
hmm... :y name is Risa :agdayo. :y e
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'ecause he"s ado-ted so % wish he"d sto- treating his sel5 as i5 he"s not a -art o5 the
5amily. % wish he won"t 5eel lonely
anymore, % &now it"s hard 5or him to have not met his real -arents 'ut % ho-e that
someday he"ll realise that we"re here
always 5or him and we DO love him. !o Eros i5 chances will lead you to this video,
listen to me... -lease don"t 'e hard on
yoursel5) #o one is -ushing you away so stay with us, stay with the 5amily and sto-
re'elling.
To my Byears old little sister 8hill :agdayo, hi there 8hillC % don"t &now what age
you"ll have when you"ll actually
understand this video 'ut no matter what, -lease remem'er that =te Risa loves youmore than your teddy 'ears can love
you o&ay) Ohyeah, %"m a'out to head to the 5ar 5ar away land 8hill so -lease ta&e
care o5 my clothes, my accessories,
my ma&e u-s, my shoes, my 'ags and all my things. %"ll 'e leaving them to you and
you can have them all so ta&e good
care o5 them. =nd also, ta&e good care o5 our 'a'y sister a--y. You"re now the
=te, the 'igger sister. You"re
res-onsi'le to teach her how to dress -ro-erly, to 'rush her hair and tie it u- li&e %always do to your hair and you must
teach her how to tie her shoelaces as well, o&ay) % wish % could 'e there to see you
'oth grow into lovely ladies and have
your handsome 'oy5riends escorting you to -roms and such, % wi-e a tear that
esca-ed 5rom my eye and continue,
!-ea&ing o5 handsome 'oy5riend...
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% try to smile and 5orce out an energetic tone, ey you 'oy5riend o5 mineC %"m -retty
right) #o, %"m 'eauti5ul. % 'elieve % am
'ecause you said so yoursel5. #o matter how -ale, thin and 5rail loo&ing % am now
'ecause o5 my illness still you continue
to tell me %"ve grown much more 'eauti5ul. Than& you, than& you 5or showing me
that %"ve loved and chosen the right
-erson. % really wish % can marry you and have &ids 'ut let"s move on, that won"t
ha--en to me 'ut that might ha--en to
you to another someone so search 5or the right girl. % love you.
1ith tears 5alling down 5rom my eyes, % -lace the -hone near my 5ace and &issed
the camera then move it away again so
%"ll 'e a'le to ca-ture my now ugly crying 5ace, For those % love and 5or those who
love me and will continue to love me
even i5 %"m gone, than& you and ta&e care o5 yoursel5 guys. % might have lived short
'ut % am grate5ul %"ve not wasted a
second o5 it. % will miss you guys, % love you.
% sto- the recording o5 the camera and save it to a s-eci6c video 5older then le5t it
on my 'ed as % -ut my (ac&et and
sli--ers on. %"ve already -lanned to esca-e the hos-ital through my room"s window
with my 'edsheet and 'lan&et tied u-
together, %"m not really on a high ;oor actually %"m (ust on the second ;oor so my
'edsheet and 'lan&et are long enough
5or me to the touch the ground sa5ely.
1here am % going)
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To where my 5eet drag me, to a -lace called somewhere.
=ctually my -lan is to 6nd the Nth signature owner 'e5ore my 'ody 'etrays me, %
don"t really 5eel strong enough to wal&
-ro-erly anymore. % (ust as& 5or the hel- o5 the walls to su--ort me 5rom wal&ing or
rather staggering.
% &now it"s hard 5or me to see -eo-le in a time li&e this, it"s already dar& and -eo-le
are already slee-ing 'ut a -lace
called eleven caught my eyes then a smile 5orms into my li-s. = convenient store
o-en 4Ahours, (ust the right -lace 5or
me to 6nd the Nth signature owner.
:ust 'e wondering who the owner is o5 the Nth signature) 1ell, the s-ace is
actually reserved 5or a stranger, yes the
owner is a stranger... a someone or anyone. % don"t &now why 'ut % guess % want to
meet someone %"ve never met 'e5ore
dying and 'argain my memory with him or her as well with God.
=s % enter the convenient store the security guard loo&s at me in a weird dou't5ul
way, may'e he"s wondering why %"m on
sli--ers. % (ust ignore him and continue to wal& and went to the cashier girl to 'uy
my 5avorite chocolate hershey 'ar,
luc&ily % have some money with me in my (ac&et"s -oc&et. % am not allowed to eat
chocolates 'ut who cares, % 'adly want
to eat it even 5or the last time.
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=5ter 'uying my chocolate 'ar, % went to eat my chocolate on the same ta'le where
a guy eats a 'urger at a time li&e this
and has a co&e in can on the ta'le. e loo&s at me as i5 Iuestioning me why o5 all
the vacant ta'les there are in the store
am % sharing on the same ta'le.
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i, % smile at him a5ter ta&ing a 'ite o5 my chocolate 'ar.
hh... hello, he says aw&wardly. e loo&s li&e the ty-e who doesn"t trust strangers.
Don"t 'e a5raid o5 me, %"m not someone who has an attention to steal something
5rom you or to do you 'ad things so
rela< and tal& with me. 2oo&, %"m so 5rail loo&ing 'ecause %"m sic& and % (ust esca-ed
5rom the hos-ital. % (ust 'adly want to
tal& to someone so % ho-e you wouldn"t mind...
e o'serves me 5or a while and nods a5terwards, O&ay, we can tal& 'ut that"s all.
Than& you, % smile at him and start a conversation. e told me his name is Jason,he"s a college student. % as&ed him
why he"s eating in a convenient store at a time li&e this and he re-lied that he (ust
6nished 5rom his -art time (o' which
ha--ens to 'e in a host clu'. % was a little 'it ta&en a'ac& when % heard that 'ut it
didn"t matter anyway 5or me 'ecause
so what i5 that is his (o', right) e told me he needs money to continue his studies
'ecause he has no -arents anymore
to su--ort him. e"s really nice 'ecause he o-en u- his sel5 to me even at 6rst he
was very dou't5ul o5 me. % learned a
lot o5 things a'out him and vice versa. 1e en(oyed chatting with each other and
he"s sorry that % am dying 'ut % told him
that there"s nothing to 'e sorry a'out.
% as& him to sign the contract since %"ve already told him a'out it. e li&ed the idea
and he told me that may'e when he"s
a'out to die too he might do the same thing 'ecause may'e it might actually wor&
'ut then he too& 'ac& what he said
and told me that it won"t wor& 5or him 'ecause he &nows heaven is not his
destination 5or heaven doesn"t acce-t -eo-le
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li&e him who wor&s 5or clu' to entertain -eo-le with 'ody.
% -at him on his shoulder and said, For the 6rst meeting, % have to tell you that %don"t see you as a 'ad -erson. You still
have a long li5e so chances 5or you are still 'ig so don"t lose ho-e.
Yeah, may'e. he scratches the 'ac& o5 his head unconvinced with what % said, !o
who owns the last signature)
0e5ore % could even say it, % heard a shout and a random guy with the 5ace covered
and a gun in hand 'arges in that
causes 5ear to all o5 us in the convenient store. The shout came 5rom the cashier girl
who saw how the random guy hit
the security guard that got him out o5 commission.
!hut your mouths or you"ll dieC he shouts and threatens us, there is only me,
Jason, the unconscious guard, and the
cashier girl there. The random guy loo&s at me and Jason and orders us, 8ome
close here or %"ll shoot you 'othC
1e 5ollow him and went near the cashier then he -oints the gun to us, Give me all
your moneysC =nd you, ta&e out all
whats there in the cashierC uic& or %"ll 'last your headC
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=ren"t you 'eing too harsh with your words)
Risa, no... Jason tries to sto- me when % ste- 5orward to the random guy 'ut %
ignore him.
!te- 'ac&, don"t come near me or %"ll shoot you.
!hoot me, % said as % ste- near him, Go ahead. % am not a5raid to die, %"m gonna
die anyway 5rom my illness so what
5ear should % have i5 you shoot me)
e got startled and to me, he seems to have more 5ear with him than with us, You
don"t really want to do this, don"t
you)
This, may'e, is your 6rst time to hold u- a store) % smile at him, You don"t seem
to 'e a 'ad guy.
1hat the 5+++ are you sayingC !hut u-C !hut u-C %"ll shoot you % swearC he said with
hands trem'ling.
% reach him and hold the u--er -art o5 the gun, Don"t do this, you will only ruin not
only the lives o5 the -eo-le here 'ut
also your li5e.
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ow should you &nowC %"m not ruining my li5e here, %"m saving a li5e so give me
your money and %"ll scram right away and
we"re all good with thatC he shouts at me terri6ed and angry.
1hat do you need the money 5or)
The hec& you careCCC !T PC Please shut u-C he loo&s li&e he wants to shoot me
'ut he doesn"t have the guts
'ecause surely he doesn"t have any intention to &ill anyone, he (ust needs themoney.
8alm down, shhh. % want him to sto- this, Tell me why you need the money, %
might 'e a'le to hel- you...
e then out o5 5rustration tells me something, :y mom... my mom, she needs to
have her heart o-erated 'ut... 'ut the
5++ &ing doctors are as&ing me an amount % don"t &now where to getC Do you get
me)C !o (ust give me the da mn money
and let"s get this thing done 'e5ore a co- comesC
e loo&s des-erate, % &new it he needs the money 5or a reason... it"s 5or his mom.
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0ut you could not 'e as un5air as you can 'e, don"t ta&e away the money o5 others
5or your own reasons. 1hat i5 the
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cashier girl, % -oint to the girl in the cashier who is shivering in 5ear, 1hat i5 she
also have 6nancial -ro'lems and i5 you
ta&e all the money in the cashier she might lose her (o' or she won"t have enough
salary in the end o5 the month)
=nd you see this guy, % -oint to Jason, e"s here 'ecause he"s eating his dinner.
=--arently he (ust 6nished his -art
time (o' in a host clu'. e wor&s at night and goes to school at day. e wor&s 5or his
tuition and here you go stealing
what he (ust earned 5or this night) Don"t you thin& you"re 'eing un5air) 1e all have
6nancial -ro'lems 'ut this is not the
solution 5or it, % assure you that this is not a solution so -lease give u- the gun andsto- this.
#OC % DO#"T 8=RE 1=T YO !=YC #OC % DO#"T 1=#T TO 2%!TE#C !T P P2E=!E,
!T PC
Your mom will not 'e ha--y to hear you ro''ing a store in order to get money,
!T PCCC %"22 !OOT YO %F YO DO#T !T YOR :OTC !T P P2E=!E
!T PC
Your mom will never 'e ha--y... she wouldn"t want her son to end u- as a
criminal... don"t do this...
% TO2D YO TO !T PCCC
=nd that"s it, a loud 'ang echoed in the store and % 5elt something that hit against
my tummy.
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#o, noC 1hat have % doneC the gun 5ell 5rom his hands as % 5ell on the ground, % can
still hear him cry as he regrets
-ulling the trigger, % told you to shut u-... you didn"t listen. #o, what have % done...
what have % done...
e re-eats those words with so's accom-anying it.
Risa, RisaC % hear Jason calling 5or me re-eatedly 'ut its seems li&e the volume is
decreasing and %"m hearing his call
vaguely. % can 5eel 'lood in my hands as % hold my tummy, % should 5eel -ain 'ut
instead % 5eel nothing...
0e5ore its too late, % ta&e out the contract and as well as the -en 5rom my -oc&et
and with sha&ing hands % try to sign it,
the contract is already smeared 'y my 'lood 'ut % don"t mind. % have to sign the
th signature 'ecause my visions are
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starting to 'lurr and %"m already vomiting 'lood.
Yes, % am the th signature owner o5 my own contract. % want to 'argain mysel5with God, % don"t want to 5orget what %
have 'een in this world when % was still living. Practically, % am 'argaining
everything to God and % don"t even &now i5
e"ll agree with this 'ut they say there"s no harm in trying.
% don"t even &now what awaits me a5ter dying...
% don"t even &now i5 e"s true... or e does e
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H F%#
=/#$ There is a story a'out Risa"s ado-ted 'rother XEros :agdayo entitled X!E
D%ED
written in Taglish. That story will 'e -osted January 44 so % ho-e you guys will
su--ort it
and try to read it too. 2ovelots. U@