PMI Lebanon Chapter

Emotionally Intelligent Project Managers

Ibrahim Dani, PMP

27 September 2012

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Session Outline

• What is Emotional Intelligence

• What are the Emotional Intelligence principles

• Why emotions matter

• How to develop Emotionally Intelligent attitudes

• Emotional Intelligence and Project Managers

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Anyone can become angry, that is easy.

But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not easy.

Aristotle

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What is Emotional Intelligence

1. Being aware of, and in control of our own emotions while being empathetic enough to perceive and manage the emotions of others.

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What is Emotional Intelligence

1. Being aware of, and in control of our own emotions while being empathetic enough to perceive and manage the emotions of others.

2. The ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions

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What is Emotional Intelligence

1. Being aware of, and in control of our own emotions while being empathetic enough to perceive and manage the emotions of others.

2. The ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.

3. The capacity to understand, value and wisely manage emotions in relationship to oneself and others

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Emotional intelligence principles

• Emotional Intelligence is not one single thing, it is a mixture of attitudes, feelings and thoughts

• Emotional Intelligence predicts performance

• Emotional Intelligence can be measured

• Emotional Intelligence can be changed

• Developing your Emotional Intelligence will impact on all areas of your life

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Emotional intelligence approaches

• Emotional intelligence and personality

• Emotional intelligence and motivation

• Emotional intelligence and competencies

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Character traits of emotionally intelligent people

• Continuous striving for personal development• Unrelenting commitment to support others’ interests• Clarity of intentions• Sustaining positive values• listening and observation• Objectivity• Challenging the status quo• Taking the longer view• Converting negative inclinations into positive thoughts• Nurturing the team

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Character traits of those who are not emotionally intelligent

• Assume that something good will turn up• See things only through their own eyes• Are imprecise about their goals• Follow the crowd before they follow their conscience• Reject the opinions of those they perceive to lack authority• Don’t want to believe they can change themselves or others• Put status before authority• React on impulse not thought• Are pessimistic in the face of change• Communicate what they think people want to hear

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Why emotions matter?Emotions are contagious

• A group of volunteers played the role of managers allocating bonuses to their subordinates

• A trained actor was planted to talk first and project among different groups:

• cheerful enthusiasm• relaxed warmth• depressed sluggishness • hostile irritability

• Result: the actor ‘infected’ the groups with his emotions• ‘happy’ groups distributed the money fairly

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Why emotions matter?Emotions are manageable

• Roadway Express Inc. launched a “Breakthrough Leadership Program” based on emotional intelligence, focusing on:

• helping managers identify areas for behaviour changes, then• giving them opportunities to practice new habits real-time.

• The program helped everyone understand and manage emotions:• cope with stress • make better decisions

• Results within 3 years:• injuries decreased by 43% annually• accidents decreased by 41% annually• saved $6 million

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Why emotions matter?Emotions compared to IQ

• A study for 40 years of 450 boys suggested that IQ had little relation to how well they did at work

• The main triggers for success were childhood abilities such as:• handling frustration• controlling emotions• getting along with other people

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Why emotions matter?Emotions compared to IQ

• 80 PhD graduates at Berkeley underwent a battery of personality and IQ tests in the 1950s

• 40 years later, estimates were made of their success• social and emotional abilities were 4 times more

important than IQ in determining professional success and prestige

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Why emotions matter?Emotions compared to IQ

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Why emotions matter?Emotions help IQ

• Emotional skills help improve cognitive skills

• “Marshmallow studies” at Stanford University• 4-years kids left alone in a room with a marshmallow• if they don’t eat the marshmallow, they will have two• later, those who waited had higher scores in SAT

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Why emotions matter?Optimists are better learners

• 500 members of the freshman class at the University of Pennsylvania were tested

• their scores on a test of optimism were a better predictor of actual grades than SAT scores or high school grades

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Why emotions matter?Optimists are better sales reps

• In a research at Met Life about new sales reps• optimists sold 37% more insurance in 2 years

• To verify research, Met Life hired a special group who scored high on optimism but failed normal screening

• outsold pessimists by 21% in their first year, and• outsold pessimists by 57% in the second year

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Why emotions matter?Empathy contributes to success

• A Harvard study discovered that people who were best at identifying others’ emotions, were

• more successful in their work, as well as• more successful in their social lives

• A survey of retail sales buyers found that apparel sales reps were valued primarily for their empathy:

• buyers wanted reps who could listen well, and• really understand what they wanted

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Why emotions matter?EI creates better leaders

• According to hundreds of studies:• effective leaders use more emotional intelligence

competencies every day than mediocre leaders

• leaders who are able to establish “mutual trust, respect, and a certain warmth and rapport” with members of their group will be more effective

• Project managers are no exception

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Emotional Intelligence: two aspects of intelligence

• Intrapersonal intelligence• picking up what’s going on inside us

• and doing what needs to be done about it

• Interpersonal intelligence• picking up what’s going on in -and between- other people

• and doing what needs to be done about it

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Self-regard

Intrapersonal intelligence Interpersonal intelligence

Regard for others

Self-awareness Awareness of others

Self-managementEmotional resilience

Personal powerGoal directedness

FlexibilityPersonal connectedness

Invitation to trust

Relationship managementTrust

Balanced outlook – realismConflict handlingInterdependence

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Self-management: Emotional resilience

• How well do you bounce back when things go wrong?

• Emotional resilience: • effectively recover from negative situations• turn negative thoughts and emotions into positive ones

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Self-management:Personal power

• Do you see yourself as a victim?• always looking to blame other people or things for

your failure to succeed?

• Personal power:• take control of your life• be responsible for your own actions

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Self-management:Goal directedness

• Do you regularly find your self procrastinating?• looking for excuses?• spending time on things that will not help you achieve

your goals?

• Goal directedness:• be clear on your goals• ensure that your attitudes, beliefs, and actions do

support your movement towards your goals

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Self-management:Flexibility

• Do you resist change? • Always trying to hold on the way things used to be?

• Flexibility• adapt your thoughts, attitudes and behaviour in time

of change• see change as an opportunity to create something new

and better

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Self-management:Personal connectedness

• Are you honest with yourself about how you feel?• Are you open to others about your true feelings?

• Personal connectedness:• make significant connections with others• be prepared to communicate your true feelings to

others

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Self-management:Invitation to trust

• Do you change your opinion just to be liked by others?• Do you regularly fail to keep promises?• Do you say things you don’t really mean?

• Invitation to trust:• be consistent, true to your word and reliable

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Relationship management:Trust

• Do you trust all people all the time?• do you get disappointed?• does this allow others to take advantage of you?

• Do you not trust anyone?• are you suspicious of everyone?• does this make you feel lonely?

• Trust:• be careful when you trust people• be vigilant

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Relationship management:Balanced outlook – Realism

• Do you focus on what’s wrong with things?• do you always highlight problems?

• Do you assume everything will be OK?• do you set unrealistic goals?

• Balanced outlook:• keep a positive attitude, but realistic one• focus on solutions rather than problems

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Relationship management:Emotional expression and control

• Do your emotions change quickly?• one moment feeling relaxed and happy, the next you are

angry

• Do you hide your emotions?• believe it is not appropriate to show how you feel?

• Emotional expression and control:• don‘t allow your emotions to burst into your behaviour• choose when to allow your emotions to show

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Relationship management:Conflict handling

• Do you regularly shy away from conflict?• do you use humour to avoid discussions

• Do you view conflict as a battle ending in a winner and a loser• do you always want to be the winner?• do you find yourself shouting, interrupting and not

listening?

• Conflict handling:• be assertive, standing up for your own wants and needs• be prepared to listen, understand and compromise

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Relationship management:Interdependence

• Do you depend too much on others?• do you find false security with the people around you?

• Do you believe in “if you want something to be perfectly done, do it your self”

• do you think working with others holds you back?

• Interdependence:• recognise that you can be successful on your own, but• also believe that cooperating with others is usually

productive: 1 + 1 = 4

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Self-management vs Relationship management

• Self-management scales are linear: more is better• Emotional resilience, personal power, goal directedness,

flexibility, personal connectedness, invitation to trust

• Relationship management scales are bipolar: seek a balance• Trust, balanced outlook, emotional expression and

control, conflict handling, interdependence

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Can emotional intelligence be improved?

• YES.

• HOW? • Reflective learning

• look back at your experiences• reflect on how you and others:

• thought, • felt,• behaved

• and do something about it...

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Improve your emotional intelligencewhat to improve?

• Improve the emotional intelligence foundations:

• Self-regard high self-regard

• Regard for others high regard to others

• Self-awareness high self-awareness

• Awareness of others high awareness of others

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Improve your self-regard

• Regularly think positive thoughts about your self

• Always be optimistic

• Be comfortable saying ‘no’ and giving honest explanation

• Don’t look to blame others

• Don’t avoid conflict, embrace it with assertiveness

• Don’t criticise your physical appearance

• Don’t ever wish you are someone else

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Improve your regard for others

• Regularly think positive thoughts about others

• Don’t criticise people, criticise their behaviour

• Regularly praise people, and their behaviour

• Focus on the strengths of people, not their weaknesses

• In conflict, focus on criticising actions and opinions, not people

• Don’t criticise the physical appearance of other people

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Improve your self-awareness

• Regularly pay attention to how you are feeling

• Be a good listener to your body

• Believe that emotions are at least as important as rational thoughts

• Be aware of how your body communicates good/bad emotions

• Regularly use your intuition when making decisions

• Regularly reflect on your actions

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Improve your awareness of others

• Regularly pay attention to how other people are feeling

• Be a good listener to others, and rarely interrupt them

• Be aware of other people body language

• Regularly ask people how they are feeling

• Ask a lot of open questions to help you understand others

• Listen carefully to the words other people choose to use

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How to improve your emotional intelligence

• Change your habits:• train your self to respond rather than react when facing

certain situations or feeling particular emotions

• Respond: consciously, intentionally, knowingly, wilfully, deliberately, on purpose

• React: unconsciously, mechanically, instinctively, reflexively, involuntarily, without thinking

Controlled Responsiveness

UncontrolledReaction

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How to change your habits

• Changing your habits take time, but it is doable

Unconsciously incompetent

Consciously incompetent

Consciously Competent

Unconsciously Competent

Uncontrolledreaction

Controlledresponsiveness

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EI and Project ManagersSelf awareness and control

• Stay in touch with your own feelings• Be honest with yourself• Practice keeping your feelings under control• Practice distinguishing between what you feel and what you

think• Build self-confidence and self-esteem• Learn to communicate effectively• Reflect on your own vision• Demonstrate “passion” for the task at hand

• complain about your project’s complexity and the excitement is destroyed immediately

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EI and Project ManagersSocial awareness and recognition

• Put in extra effort to listen and observe

• Put empathy in action

• Understand the emotional needs of the team

• Mould and inspire the team

• Manage emotions

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And to wrap up...

• Emotional intelligence is not new• abilities associated with it have been studied for years

• A growing body of research suggests that these abilities are important for success in many areas

• a person’s ability to perceive, identify and manage emotions provides the basis for success in any job

• Use the power of emotional intelligence to ignite excitement in your organisation

• you’ll be amazed at the results !

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Anyone can become angry, that is easy.

But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not easy.

Aristotle

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Thank You!

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References

• Selected articles and book reviews from the “Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations” www.eiconsortium.org

• Goleman, Daniel (1995); “Emotional Intelligence”, Bantam Books, New York

• Goleman, Daniel (1998); “Working with Emotional Intelligence”, Bantam Books, New York

• Kite, Neilson and Kay, Frances (2012); “Understanding Emotional Intelligence”, Kogan Page Limited, London

• Mersino, Anthony (2007); “Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers”, AMACOM, New York

• Neale, Stephen et al (2009); “Emotional Intelligence Coaching”, Kogan Page Limited, London