Commemoration and Candle Light Vigil

Transgender Day of Remembrance

November ##, Year

PRE-TEXT:

In respect for the non-gendered or those who define themselves outside the binary gender

system I will be using the pronoun hir for an individual: gender-fluid, queer, female or male, or

anyone on or off that spectrum of gender definition. Because we have been "the other" and are

usually "outside the camp," or at least on the periphery, I want the words used throughout this

worship service and script to reveal what has, for far too long, been invisible.

CONTEXT:

"The National Transgender Day of Remembrance was created in honor of Rita Hester, a

transwoman murdered on November 28, 1998. Rita suffered a brutal attack in her home and died

of multiple stab wounds. Her murder, like many others of our transgender siblings, remains

unsolved. Her death spurred activists to create the "Remembering Our Dead"

(http://www.RememberingOurDead.org) website project, dedicated to providing an accurate and

honorable list of those murdered out of hatred. Project leaders note, 'Over the last decade, one

person per month has died due to transgender - based hatred or prejudice.' Memorials in dozens

of cities across the world happen every November and will continue until the killings stop."

(from older MCC website Transgender Resources page:

http://www.mccchurch.org/Content/NavigationMenu/Resources/Transgender/

The service I have created is a Commemoration and a Vigil. We are remembering those

who have been murdered during the past year for appearing outside the binary, as a transperson.

The congregation will be primarily transpeople and our allies. I have created a non-

denominational service.

Transpeople are the only participants in this service for the very specific reason that other

transpeople need to see positive role models of transpeople in leadership. A major part of this

1

service, which I will discuss in the theology section of this paper, is the intention to build up the

self-esteem of each person who attends, even as we mourn the loss of our sisters and brothers,

therefore it was very important to insure that only transpeople lead this service. A significant

benefit of living in the Bay Area is the abundance of transpeople involved in all sorts of trades

and services, from which to draw for this service. I was able to find trans people trained in audio

visual skills, musicians, a choir director and choir, trained and certified Pastoral Care Counselors,

sacred dancers, a worship convener, a preacher, ushers and a lector who will be reading this

year's list of names. This would be impossible if I were in my home state of Colorado, trying to

resource this service in my hometown of Colorado Springs.

I think the only aspect of this service that might be unexpected is the sacred dance.

While this service is a Memorial and Vigil, which are frequently somber; sacred dance, to some,

may seem more appropriate in a celebratory atmosphere. I have combined these two apparent

opposites to underscore that life, in all its complexity brings sorrow and joy; both moments in the

depths and moments on the heights, moments of alienation and aloneness and moments of

solidarity and community. In addition, the dance for this service is not a celebratory dance so

much as a dance of an epiphany--for a community that struggles to be authentic in the face of

rabid fear and hatred--expressing that the One who created us, gave us our true names.

It is possible that attendees may be stretched by the juxtaposition of a place for sorrow

and a place for self-care. When we come to a place for a funeral, a memorial, or some other

form of Vigil, we usually don't expect to be addressing how we live our own lives. However, in

this community of transpeople, (some who are sex workers in the Tenderloin), it is imperative

that self-care and cautious behavior be addressed so that their name is not read next year.

STRUCTURE:

We begin the service by honoring the polychronic-time culture of the trans community-

at-large. After time enough to greet friends and comfort each other for "meeting this way, yet

another year" the Convener begins the service by ringing the Tibetan Singing Bowl 3 times.

During the ring-echo, hir moves to behind the podium (where notes, bulletin, arm band,

and candle with holder are set off to the side--available for illustration and participation). Hir

welcomes everyone to this Commemoration and Candle Light Vigil, where we will be invited to

live beyond our own fears in raising the memory of our martyred siblings. Following the

2

welcome the service moves right into the Transcendence Choir singing Seal's profoundly moving

song, Love's Divine, while the Sacred Dancers dance. They have choreographed this dance,

specifically for this service and for this song. It is a dance of ultimate liberation, that moves

from alienation and agonizing loneliness to understanding who we are created to be and

inclusion in God's family, our community, and acceptance of our whole selves. Immediately

following the dance, we begin the Litany of Names, where we name those who have died in the

past years due to transgender fear, hatred and prejudice. This is a very important part of the

service. By saying the names of those martyred this year, we keep their spirits alive in our

hearts, and we will not let them be forgotten, even though they may have been invisible or people

may have refused to acknowledge or even look at them, in life. We will not forget!

After the Litany of Names our gathered community will say together Psalm 31:10-16, as

we cry out to God in Lament for the injustice of transgender fear, hatred and prejudice. The

words to the Lament, Seal's lovely song Love's Divine and the Hymn are all included in the

Bulletin so that people can take these home with them, to remind them, to comfort them to

empower them throughout the coming year. Following the Lament, there will be a time of silence

for private prayer and meditation, which the Worship Convener will end by ringing the Tibetan

Bowl once.

The evening Preacher will give a brief Homily to encourage and lift up the community; to

exhort it to take seriously the need to take care of each other and to take care of ourselves by

following proactive practices of loving the self. This will be followed by the Candle Lighting

part of the Vigil, where we are invited to light our candles in memory of these sisters and

brothers, keeping the light of their lives, lived with integrity, alive in our hearts. Then we draw

the service to a close by singing the beautiful Indonesian Hymn, I Lift Up My Eyes To The Hills.

And finally, the Worship Convener sends us out with prayer for our safety, God's protection and

companionship through our community. The service ends, with the traditional: And all the people

said, Amen!

This service is crafted to be primarily in the “hang” energy sphere, due to its somber

nature. We will move our bodies by sitting, standing, and walking. We will pray, we will name

and remember, we will lament and we will light candles, symbolically holding each life martyred

in our hearts and in the heart of the Holy, until the killings stop.

3

THEOLOGY:

The theology that informs this service is that God creates all beings as manifestations of

God's divine self, in infinite variety and glorious diversity. Transpeople, gender fluid and variant

people are merely part of those Holy multivalent manifestations. The heart of God is with those

who are oppressed and forced by society to live on the margins and therefore transpeople will be

reminded of this theology in this service, by the images, the music selected, the ordering and the

phrasing of every spoken word. For instance, I selected the bulletin cover image because it is a

trans image of Christ to me, exhibiting both male and female features and a gender fluid spirit

displayed through the images of Christ. Too often transpeople have had to deny their sense of

true self in order to "fit" comfortably in this world, too frequently allowing the discomfort of

others to dictate their level of integrity. It is internalized transphobia that drives transpeople

under ground and into their closets. It is liberating when transpeople, (as is true when all

people), can be authentically who God created them to be, to celebrate their unique and

wondrous creation. Living with integrity is a calling by God made more challenging when one is

marginalized for who one perceives oneself to be--to BE.

In North America, we live in a culture that mandates everyone fit in the gender binary as

male or female, and within those roles a certain appearance is acceptable while variations that are

perceived to be too extreme, are not acceptable and in fact, are often seen as a cause for violent

response (especially among macho males). Behaviors perceived to be masculine or feminine

must coincide with one's gender appearance. Variations are problematic in certain tightly

structured binary social situations and while we perceive those variations as God given diversity,

some humans do not. It is usually in these circumstances where violence breaks out and the

transpersons life is put in jeopardy.

We gather in this annual service not only to remember our dead siblings in the trans

community, but also to stand up boldly and declare God's creation of all gender variations. Love,

or God, is the One who calls our Name the first time we hear it. And Love is the only way that I

can know my name. Transitioning is a spiritual process, whether we name G/god/dess as part of

that process or not. Some of us believe that God created us specifically, with a unique calling to

help our binary gendered siblings to accept their whole selves as both male and female, not just

one or the other. In Christianity, it is recorded in Genesis 1:26-27, (the first creation of humans

4

story in Genesis), "Then God said, 'Let us make humankind in our image, to be like us;' ... female

and male, God made them" (The Inclusive Bible). The organizer of this service believes that

God is Spirit and therefore both /and/ neither gender. [The forward slash mark is intentional to

further illustrate the binary spectrum pushed (forward) to the fluid level.]

Therefore, this service is created to be an affirmation of that which is unique and special

about transpeople and to lift them up into a space of wholeness, hope and healing. That seems

like a very loving thing to do. Love comforts, empowers, heals, companions, and frees us to be

who we are, together in community, as we honor our martyred siblings.

Although this service is a Commemoration of those who have been martyred within the

trans community, it is also an opportunity to reach those gathered with a message of love,

affirmation and hope. It would be unloving to simply wail our losses and let these people go out

into the fearful world that seeks to kill that which is different. That is like sending sheep into a

wolf’s den. It is imperative to be proactive in strengthening this community-under-siege by

reminding them they are not alone, God is within and with them, and that they have each other

and themselves, as weapons in this fight for their integrity, authenticity and their very lives. That

is why the Preacher is charged with giving good news, that everyone is created in God's image,

loved by God, and empowered by God through our community to take care of each other and

ourselves. It is a dual pronged gospel of empowerment: we have God on our side through the

community and we have ourselves; we take care of each other and ourselves.

ETHICAL IMPLICATIONS:

As I have stated elsewhere in this paper, all the participants in this service are

transpeople. This was done specifically to have transpeople in visible leadership. The trans

people involved in this service are African American, Asian, Hispanic, Pacific Islander,

American Indian and European American. Ethnic diversity in this service is very important,

because trans people are from every ethnicity, every country, every color and every language

group. Although this service will only be in English, it is my desire to craft a multi-language,

interfaith service in the future. There is certainly a need for such a worship experience within the

trans community.

Those with speaking parts in this service are primarily People of Color. I did not want

5

the people behind the scenes to be only People of Color or those speaking only European

Americans, so have a mixture of all ethnicities doing both in front and behind the scenes

activities, according to their own interests and gifts/skills.

CULTURAL COMPLEXITIES:

I have discussed the cultural complexities throughout this paper, and believe that I have

covered this area to the best of my ability.

HISTORICAL PERSPECTIVES:

The historicity of this service is based more in the historicity of the Transgender Day of

Remembrance services from MCC and trans communities than from the historicity of worship

services in general. This service is different in that it is not an ordinary worship service, but

rather a Vigil and Commemoration of slain trans martyrs. In crafting this service I have paid

attention to the general flow or movement from welcome to sending out in prayer, but have

played with the other various parts in what is more appropriate to a Vigil and Commemoration.

The reason different parts of the service, such as a Lament, are included has to do with the

special circumstances of this event and the special needs of a grieving, and besieged community.

I included the Sacred Dance because embodiment is especially salient for this trans community:

we have gathered for a service where we recall the names and lives of those who were killed

because, often their bodies did not match the expectations of the murderer. While we must

remember those bodies who have been murdered, we also must affirm who we are in our

beautiful, living bodies. I have to admit that much of this service was crafted instinctively. I

relied upon the inspiration of Spirit to guide me in selecting the hymn, the music for the dance

and the Lament Psalm. I trust that they will flow together to create a meaningful experience for

those who attend.

In conclusion, creating this service in Commemoration of those trans persons who have

been martyred this year, has given me the wonderful opportunity to allow Spirit to lead me into

addressing an area, which is very personal to me. Although I have not known any trans people

who have been killed, for having the courage to live their lives authentically, their remembrance

is the inspiration to keep living my life with integrity in spite of my fears and the threats I

6

sometimes encounter as a transman. It is empowering to me to craft a service of remembrance

and affirmation, two areas that are often addressed separately in worship experiences. It was a

challenge to create a service where both aspects were allowed expression, with simplicity.

7

Transgendered Day of Remembrance Commemoration

And Candlelight Vigil Participants

Piano Player: arrives at 5:30pm for sound check and rehearsal; begins playing mellow, background, improvisational jazz piano music at 6:30 while people gather and stops at 6:58pm; plays hymn music during candle lighting and then during hymn

Audio: arrives at 4pm; is responsible for all microphones and sound management; cues music from CD on sound system for Love's Divine

Visual: arrives at 5:30pm; dims lights at end of sacred dance; projects photos during Litany of Names; projects hymn words on screen during hymn

Ushers: (4); arrive at 5:30pm to fill baskets with candles and holders, arm bands and folded bulletins; straighten up chairs to be in easy to maneuver rows; provide space for 4 wheel chairs making certain to provide line of sight for each position; rope off enough chairs in the far right front rows for the choir when they move down from the stage; light the four candles in the candelabra on the left side of the sanctuary at 6:30pm, and then go to each door entrance into sanctuary with a basket of candles and holders, arms bands and bulletins so that when people arrive, they can give each person: a black arm band, a candle and holder, and a bulletin; they light their candles from the candelabra, they light aisle candles

Pastoral Care Counselors: (4); arrive at 5:30pm; they are to be available for those who might need to talk before, during or after the service; they wear purple arm bands

Worship Convener: arrives at 4pm; Convenes service, welcomes people to service

Choir Director: arrives at 4pm; directs choir for Love's Divine and congregation in hymn

Choir: arrive at 4pm to rehearse and for sound check; all choir members must be in their seats on the stage by 6:45pm; they sing Love's Divine

Sacred Dancers: (2) (a transman and a transwoman); arrive at 5pm to rehearse with choir; dance to Love's Divine

Namer: arrives at 6:15pm; reads names of each transperson martyred this year

Preacher: arrives at 6:30pm; exhorts congregation to take care of one another and self and reminds them of God's love

All positions or roles above and in the following script are capitalized to give honor to the role or position.

8

Transgendered Day of Remembrance Commemoration

And Candlelight Vigil Script

TIME: In order to honor transgender polychronic time, we will advertise the service to begin at 6:30 and plan to begin at 7-7:15pm. The gathering in time is valuable, so that people have time to connect, greet each other, commiserate together, and then settle in.

SET-UP OF SPACE: The chairs are set up in a half moon shape facing the stage. The speakers Podium is set off to the right side of the room (as one faces the stage from the back of the room), but not on the stage. Enough chairs are roped off for the Choir members and Choir Director on the right side of the room. Designated seating for worship participants are in the right section in the front row: Worship Convener; Preacher; Namer; and Choir Director.

WORSHIP CONVENER: The worship service convener will:

1 At 7-7:15pm, [rise from seat, stay standing in the front row-don't move to podium yet],

2 Chime the Tibetan Singing Bowl three times, at 7-7:15pm to settle the crowd and help us focus into the service. [holding the bowl on the flat, open palm of hir's hand strike it three times, allowing bell to resound between strikes]

3 [Move to the podium] and welcome everyone to the Vigil of Remembrance, saying these things: a) draw everyone's attention to the bulletin as a way to follow the service, the arm band (invite people to tie the arm band on each other), the candle and candle holder b) point out the location of the Responsive Lament in the bulletin: let them know that they read the part that is designated as ALL, hir says the One line c) introduce Pastoral Counselors, by name, and their availability and purpose [Pastoral Care Counselors be prepared to rise as name is said] they rise, as their names are called, so people can see them--they will wear purple arm bands)

4 Introduce the Transcendence Gospel Choir and Choir Director (by name), and the two Sacred Dancers (by names), then return to hir's seat

CHOIR DIRECTOR: [Hir gets up and starts moving toward the Choir on the right hand side of the stage while the Worship Convener is naming the Sacred Dancers], (people's eyes will be diverted to the Dancers). The moment that the Convener begins moving away from the podium to return to hir's chair, the Choir Director moves to center stage. Hir will motion for the Choir to rise to sing.

AUDIO: When the Worship Convener sits down, [press the play button on the player for the CD to begin playing the instrumental part of Seal's Love's Divine.] As the dance begins to come to a close, when the house lights dim, slowly begin to [fade the music out]. When lights are fully on, the music should be completely silent.

CHOIR: Following the direction of the Choir Director, [rise to sing]. The music has already

9

begun to play; the choir begins to sway in time with the music and at the appropriate moment begins singing under the direction of the Choir Director.

SACRED DANCERS: At the beginning of the music, before the singing begins, the male-spectrum and the female-spectrum dancers [move to their respective places ("M" to the left side of space--"F" to the right)]. As the singing begins, the dancers [move into the center of the room and begin their separate dances], at the end of the dance, as they move to become joined, their separate dance will become one. The house lights go dim, the [dancers part], and [go back to changing area, change into street clothes and join congregation, from the back of the sanctuary].

VISUAL: When the Sacred Dancers move into the dance, [move into position to dim the lights]. At the last moment of the dance, when the two become one, [dim all the house lights].

The Music is still playing. As the music fades, [brighten the lights].

NAMER: As the lights are dimmed the Namer [moves to the podium] to be ready to begin reading the names of this year's deceased.

CHOIR: When the choir is done singing, they [move down to sit in the reserved chairs] on the right side of the sanctuary. Just the music of Love's Divine plays during this transition time.

NAMER: The Namer says, This year there were ____ transpersons martyred because of fear, hatred, and

prejudice. We will show the photograph of the transperson on the screen, as their name is read, if we have one and if not, then a sunrise to illustrate a very hard life lived authentically. I will read their names in the order in which they died, beginning in January 2008 with the name of ___________________________________, a transwoman who was a sex worker in the Tenderloin, and was found murdered in her tenement hotel room on January 7th, 2008.

[after every name is read, PAUSE, listen for the ring of the Tibetan Bowl, then read the next name and script for that name, until all the names have been read]

VISUAL: As each name is read, if we have a picture of them, that [picture is put up on the screen; if there is no picture, then a picture of a sunrise is put up in its place].

WORSHIP CONVENER: [As each name is read, the Worship Convener, still sitting, chimes the Tibetan bowl once].

After the last chime of the last name, the [Worship Convener rises from hir's place and invites the congregation to do so], as well, saying:

Please join me in the responsive Lament found in your bulletin on the right hand side of the page. I will say the "One" part; you say the "All" part. A period of silence will follow this Lament, for individual prayer and meditation.

The responsive Lament is read through and the congregation is invited to sit, as well. Silence is observed. The [Worship Convener sits following the reading of the Lament and times the Silence for approximately 2 minutes, or ends it as the Spirit leads. The Worship Convener rings the Tibetan Bowl once to end the silence].

10

PREACHER: When the Worship Convener rings the Bowl once, [the preacher rises to stand in the front of the gathering, not behind the podium]. The preacher's task is to exhort the gathering to honor those who have died and honor themselves and their friends even more by staying alive, by practicing healthy life affirming habits, such as safe calls, going everywhere in pairs, (when possible), getting health checkups, etc. Nothing condemning is said--only life affirming with love for self, neighbor and God. The preacher is to deliver a homily about God's love for each person created--that God created people there in love--and to know and honor the name that God created them to carry!

At the end, the Preacher instructs all how to participate in the Candle lighting Vigil.

People on the aisle will light their candle from one of the ushers bringing a lit candle down the center aisle. You will light your candles from the person next to you. Please move the unlit candle to the lit candle, so that wax does not drip on the carpeting. After all candles are lit, we will sing the hymn that is projected on the screen.

PIANO PLAYER: [Piano player moves into place before ushers move to light their candles].

USHERS: As Piano Player moves to piano, [Ushers move forward to light their individual candles from the Candles in the Candelabra on the left side of the Sanctuary].

While the candles are being lit, the music for the Hymn is played so that people have the melody in their heads when it comes time to start singing.

CHOIR DIRECTOR: The [Choir Director rises after all candles are lit and moves to the front of the sanctuary and directs the congregation to rise and begin singing].

WORSHIP CONVENER: After the hymn is finished the [Worship Convener rises] to thank everyone for coming and being a part of the Vigil, [invites us to extinguish our candles] and suggests taking our candle with us so we can light them throughout the year to remember. The Worship Convener then sends us out in Prayer for our safety, and to remember those who have gone before us as a "great cloud of witnesses" looking over us in protection and love. Then says,

And the congregation all said, "Amen"

11

Transgender Day of Remembrance Candlelight Vigil

## November ####

Order of Worship

Tibetan Singing Bowl

Welcome

Love's Divine sung by the Transcendence Gospel Choir with a Sacred Dance by

Monica and Frank

Litany of Names

Lament Psalm 31:10-16

Silence

Invitation to Life

Candle Lighting

Hymn I Lift Up My Eyes To The Hills

Prayer As We Go Into the World

12

Lament

Psalm 31:10-16

One: My life is consumed by sorrow;

All: My years are worn out with my sighs;

One: My strength fails me because of my despair;

All: My bones are getting weaker.

One: Because of all my oppressors

All: I’m held in utter contempt, even by my neighbors;

One: My friends are afraid of me,

All: And people who see me on the street hurry past me.

One: I am forgotten, as good as dead in their hearts,

All: Like something that has outlived its usefulness.

One: I hear their endless slanders,

All: And threats from every quarter

One: As they conspire against me,

All: Plotting to take my life.

One: But I put my trust in you, God;

All: I say, you are my God!

One: My times are in your hand;

All: Save me from the hands of my enemies and persecutors.

One: Smile on your faithful one;

All: Save me in your love!

13