September 2013 Monthly Parent Newsletter of Hudson United Methodist Church

HELP KIDS OVERCOME FEARS

As young people head back to the classroom, some pretty significant fears are accompanying them. According to ad agency JWT, 78% of U.S. teenagers say they’re worried whether there will be good jobs after graduation, 69% are worried about doing well in school, and 67% are worried about which college will accept them. Combined with other top adolescent fears (see “The View”), that amounts to a lot of baggage to lug around. To help relieve academic stress, experts recommend that parents take the following steps: Discuss your expectations; assure kids you’re proud of them when they try their best, no matter the outcome; stay involved, showing interest in their classes and activities; be available to help and talk when needed; and watch for

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THE parent LINK

BIBLE FOCUS “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. … For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”

Isaiah 41:10, 13

sudden declines in academic performance, which may indicate a learning disorder or emotional distress.

Beyond the classroom, help teens conquer fears by offering these reminders:

• FEAR can stand for False Evidence Appearing Real. Don’t let the devil conjure up “what ifs” that won’t come close to reality.

• When you’re paralyzed by fear, you won’t be able to live up to your God-given potential.

Rely on God’s Word, which has the power to break through our fears and will show us how to handle them with wisdom and strength.

THE VIEW Here are more stats about U.S. teenagers’ top fears:

• The condition of the planet left to their generation (64%)

• How their parents are doing financially (63%)

• Real-world bullying (57%)

• How attractive they are to others (52%)

• Doing well in sports and extracurricular activities (50%)

• How popular they are at school (46%)

• Online bullying (43%)

• How many friends they have (39%)

• Keeping up with other kids their age (36%) —JTW

RESOURCE In the downloadable resource No Fear Living (Simply Youth Ministry), veteran youth leader Doug Fields offers four Bible-based messages about how to break free from fears. Topics include fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of commitment, and fear of the future.

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Moreover whom he did predestinate,

them he also called: and whom he called,

them he also justified: and whom he

justified, them he also glorified.

– Romans 8:30

Do a few things that will cause you to confront your fears. Talking with a trusted friend or mentor, taking risks in those areas of fear, and laying fears down at Jesus’ feet can bring freedom from negative thoughts.

• Write down or memorize some Scriptures. Verses such as Hebrews 13:5-6 and 1 Peter 5:7 will help you trust God’s promises when fears and anxieties creep into your mind.

• Make wise statements and decisions to help you avoid fears. The book of Proverbs advises Christians to use wisdom, sound judgment, and discernment. Repeat these statements to overcome fears: o “I am not alone.” o “I don’t have to live in fear.” o “I can make wise choices.” o

PONDER THIS…

• What would you say are your teenagers’ top fears, and why? What attempts at offering reassurance seem effective or ineffective?

• What causes you the most anxiety, and how do you tend to cope with stress?

• How can you remember to turn your fears over to God?

Although God tells us to “fear” (or respect) him, he doesn’t want us to be consumed by a spirit of fear. Here are some ways to get a grip on our fears:

• Distinguish between healthy and unhealthy fear. Take time to get to the bottom of whether your fear is flowing from a positive or negative source.

• Decide to surrender unhealthy fear through trusting Jesus more. Many damaging fears that linger in our lives are the result of a lack of faith. We hold on to them because we subconsciously think Jesus won’t be able to take care of them properly.

TIPS.

DELICIOUSLY SCARED Expert Insights for Parents of Teenagers! Ever been deliciously scared? Think of late-night campfire stories that make the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. When we’re on high alert, we feel strangely alive—especially when we’re scaring ourselves. Manufactured fears actually help us feel in control in our fear-permeated world. Because we’re petrified of genuine fear, we tend to create it, personally and as a culture. Scaring ourselves helps us stay one step ahead of potential monsters in the dark. Fear and control are indelibly linked.

First John 4:18 (NIV) says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.” Some writers say that in the New Testament, the opposite of love isn’t hate but fear. When we relate out of fear, it’s hard to love because fear likes control but love doesn’t. When we parent out of fear, we try to control kids. During adolescence, fear takes root as teenagers understand more, see more, feel more, and want more. This is fertile soil for fear and battles over control.

In counseling, one form of manufactured fear is “awfulizing.” That’s when thoughts gravitate to the worst-case scenario. Like the young person with a sprained ankle who asks, “Doc, when do you have to amputate?” we jump to what we fear most so as not to be caught off-guard. That sounds foolish, but we all get caught up in some form of awfulizing at times. Manufactured fear and awfulizing almost always take us toward control. And control takes us away from love. Confronting our fears is the first step back toward love—and toward the loving God who tells us to “fear not.” Discuss these questions with your kids:

• How does our culture (both secular and Christian) scare itself?

• What are some ways you see people awfulizing? How do you do it?

• In what ways is fear the opposite of love? How are fear and control connected, and what’s the result? By Steve Merritt