september 23, 2008

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ANKER: EVERY ELECTION IS IMPORTANT / P4 WILSON: CHECKLIST FOR THAT BABY SHOWER / P5 NOBLE: DATING COLUMN MAKES ITS DEBUT / P19 Photo by Shane Rodimel VOLUNTEERS LIKE ROSEMARY WATERS MAKE THE CARMEL INTERNATIONAL ARTS FESTIVAL AN ANNUAL SUCCESS / P2 Working her passion Working her passion Photo by Shane Rodimel Feel better. Faster. Learn about minimally invasive surgical options and find seminar dates on back cover. TUESDAY September 23, 2008 FREE

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Page 1: September 23, 2008

ANKER: EvERy ElEctioN is

impoRtANt / p4

WilsoN: chEcKlist foR thAt bAby

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NoblE: DAtiNg columN mAKEs its DEbut / p19

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Volunteers like rosemary Waters make the Carmel international arts FestiVal an annual suCCess / p2

Working her passionWorking her passionPh

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Feel better. Faster. Learn about minimally invasive surgical options and find seminar dates on back cover.

TUESDAYSeptember 23, 2008

FREE

Page 2: September 23, 2008

Volunteers like rosemary Waters make the Carmel international arts FestiVal an annual suCCessBy Barbara E. CohenCurrent in Carmel

The Carmel International Arts Festival, which takes place Saturday and Sunday, brings the world to Carmel – and Rosemary Waters brings the CIAF to life.

For the last 11 years, most recently as president of the CIAF board, Waters has helped grow the home-town event, which moved a few years ago from its first home in Civic Square to the Carmel Arts & Design District.

“Although the original festival was championed by Mayor [Jim] Brainard and hosted by the city, at a certain point it became its own self-supporting entity,” Waters said.

The festival, an annual sampler of the world’s performing and visual arts, shrinks the world to fit on Main Street and South Range Line Road.

NEW this yEARWaters originally was recruited to

work in the children’s activity area.“Back in those days, we had a sidewalk

chalk contest, face painting, balloon twist-ers and the kids could make crafts items,” she said. “We continue to expand the art activities. For example, this year we will also have a play area for adults, because why should kids have all the fun?”

Members of the Hamilton County Artists Association will be on hand to teach grown-ups about painting or draw-ing. Everyone is encouraged to take part in the massive Us By Numbers mural project under artist Doug Arnholter’s direction, too.

Other improve-ments include the addition of a second stage at the festival’s western edge and positioning of food vendors there, too.

The call for artists went out earlier than before, resulting in more submissions. However, qualifica-tions for getting into the show were more stringent. Although last year’s event in-cluded 185 artists, this year the list was

winnowed to 155.“Taking only the highest-quality sub-

missions improves the show for everyone,” Waters said.

The Carmel Arts Council provided the show jurors, while Jacob Pfeiffer, a Romanian master oil painter who lives in Cincinnati, will serve as the judge for fes-tival awards.

tEAm lEADERWaters is quick to give credit to those

who assist her in managing the festival.“One person could never get it all done,

but my job is easy because everyone else handles their assignments beautifully,” Waters said. “Although we got a little too large last year, we think we’re at the right

size and complexity for this year’s event.”Waters spends more than 1,000 volun-

teer hours a year overseeing every detail. She can recall few serious problems from past festivals, thanks in large part to the festival team.

But don’t be surprised to see Waters directing traffic, helping vendors set up or any one of 100 other tasks. She rarely has time to savor the festival herself because she devotes herself entirely to making sure everyone else is having a great time.

plAN foR fuNThe goal is to showcase as many cultures

as possible in the art exhibitions, enter-tainment and interactive activity areas.

“Although we’re leaner and meaner [among the artists’ booths] this year, we think the quality of the festival overall has really gone up,” Waters said.

Entertainment on two stages means there are some new faces among the crowd favorites.

In the International Artists Tent, look for Masayo Higashii – from Carmel’s

Japanese Sister City, Kawachinagano – doing traditional brush ink painting. Admire 83 works of art by Japanese schoolchildren hung at the World’s Smallest Children’s Art Gallery and in the International Artists Tent, too. Joining Higashii is Basque artist Mariano Corral Libano, who was

lives and works in Bilbao, Spain.

fAbulous fEstivAlWaters is proud of CIAF, and especially

of the fact that the festival doesn’t charge an entry fee. Because the intent is to raise just enough to stage the festival each year, booth and vendor fees, along with gener-ous donations and sponsorships from the community, fund all operating expenses.

Last year’s profits were distributed in a first-time scholarship awarded to a Carmel High grad in May, a tradition Waters hopes they can maintain or expand.

“The festival is always a lot of fun,” Waters said. “Seeing everyone having so

much fun causes me to forget all the hard work involved.”

Work aside, Waters does purchase at least one item each year to grow her own art collection.

“Many of the art-ists and entertainers come from a long dis-tance to join us, and I hope everyone will come out and enjoy this year’s event,” she said.

schEDulE of ActivitiEs

The schedule of events (current at press time, but subject to last-minute changes) is:

houRsSaturday, 10 a.m. – 7 p.m.Sunday, 10 a.m. – 5 p.m.Location: Main Street and South Range Line Road in the Carmel Arts & Design DistrictInfo: (317) 573-9602, www.carmelartsfestival.orgFood vendors’ menus and a list of participating artists (with preview images) are available at www.carmelartsfestival.org.

NEW this yEARUs By Numbers, an activity where festival-goers help paint a Carmel-themed mural canvas. Hamilton County Artists Association adult painting area.

mAiN stAgESaturday

10 a.m. - Opening and Chinese Dragon Dance Team11 a.m. - Banjo Buddies Dixieland BandNoon - Indianapolis Chinese Performers1 p.m. - Banjo Buddies Dixieland Band2 p.m. - Magic of C. R. Ryan3 p.m. - Banjo Buddies Dixieland Band4 p.m. - Harmony Magic5 – 7 p.m. - Barometer Soup

Sunday10 a.m. - Russian Ballet Academy of Indiana11 a.m. - The Meisterwinds (traditional German music)Noon - Indianapolis Chinese Performing Arts Minyo Dancers1 p.m. - Dave Hepler (jazz piano)2 p.m. - Magic of C. R. Ryan3 p.m. - The Lathans (acoustic Irish and American music)4 p.m. - Latin dance, folklore and Zumba performers

sEcoND stAgE oN 3RD stREEtSaturday

11 a.m. - “Two Guys with Guitars”Noon - Circle City Cloggers1 p.m. - “Two Guys with Guitars”2 p.m. - International Dance Ensemble3 p.m. - Emily Ann Thompson (Celtic music)4 p.m. - Jim Muciarelli (accordion)

Sunday11 a.m. - Maple Trio (strings)Noon - Adamsons Karate Studio1 p.m. - Paul Odenwelder (guitar)2 p.m. - Actors Theatre of Indiana3 p.m. - Paul Odenwelder4 p.m. - Jim Muciarelli (accordion)

chilDREN’s AREAFace painting, easel painting, Dooley the Clown, the Monart School of Art, a caricature artist, kids’ BMV and more!

fEstivAl pARKiNg AND shuttlE busEsParking continues to be a challenge along Main Street and South Range Line Road. Rosemary Waters, festival board president, recommends parking at the Carmel High School and walking or taking the shuttle bus up to the event.

Working her passion

Brian Moore, Blue bowl

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, Founded Oct. 24, 2006, at Carmel, IN

Vol. II, No. 47Copyright 2008. Current Publishing, LLC

All Rights Reserved.1 South Range Line Road, Suite 220

Carmel, IN 46032

317.489.4444

Publisher – Brian [email protected] / 414.7879Executive Editor – Steve [email protected] / 847.5022Associate Editor – Terry [email protected] Editor – Mike [email protected] / 730.4833Dispatches Editor – Brandie [email protected] / 564-4544Art Director – Zachary Ross [email protected] / 787-3291Associate Artist – Stefanie [email protected] / 340.1836Reporter – Brandon [email protected] / 489.4444Reporter – Bryan [email protected] / 489.4444Cartoonist – Tim [email protected]

Advertising Carmel Sales Executive – Dennis O’[email protected] / 370.0749Carmel Sales Executive – Lara [email protected] / 409.1418Indianapolis Sales Consultant – Kevin [email protected] / 513.4359

Business OfficeBookkeeper - Deb [email protected] / 489.4444

The views of the columnists in Current In Carmel are their own and do not necessarily reflect the positions of this newspaper.

OUR TAKES

CURRENTOON by Tim Campbell

To comment on Tim’s currentoons, contact him at: [email protected].

avoid thE namE calling buRiEd linES aRE bEttERIt is our position that the current crop

of political attack ads is embarrassing to the electoral process and to all Americans. Even as Democrat Barack Obama is get-ting laughs from his party’s faithful sup-porters by co-opting Governor Sarah Palin’s memorable and much-repeated convention line referring to the determination of hard-working women (the difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom is lipstick), Obama said that putting lip-stick on a pig, you still have a pig. Was he calling Alaska’s Governor and a mother of five children, including one now serving in Iraq, a pig? Obama later claimed his re-marks were not intended to directly relate

to Palin, and that he was simply criticizing the packaging that had seemingly gone into her selection as the vice presidential running mate of Republican candidate John McCain.

Sadly, news outlets around the world were not eager to accept

Obama’s explanation and ran the remarks to highlight the preoc-cupation in our electoral process of style over substance. We are big

fans of using humor to point out policy differences between candi-

dates. We are even supportive of some negative campaigning as it highlights past performance

(or lack-thereof ). But overt name calling, intentional or not, should be passionately avoided.

It is our position that utility lines be buried for all development in Carmel. The recent rash of storms and remnants of hurricane activity have resulted in power outages throughout Central Indiana. These outages are inconvenient and annoying. However, these limitations result in hard-dollar costs for repairs to down or damaged lines, and for in-creased vegetation maintenance around them.

Health and safety benefits of buried lines include the elimination of accidents from pole-car conflicts and human contact injuries. Malfunctioning traffic signals recently contributed to a crash at 73rd and Meridian that injured

a sheriff’s deputy and a 19-year-old Indianapolis woman. The signals at the intersection were down after strong

winds cut power to the area. Increases in air quality also can be directly correlated to environ-ments with buried vs. overhead lines.

One of the most significant benefits of buried lines is an in-crease in property values. Studies show that the additional growing space for trees and other land-scaping positively impacts prop-

erty values by estimates of 1 to 7 percent.Burying utility lines will save us

money, make us safer and increase the collective value of our personal and com-munity assets.

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8ANOThER TAKE FROM ThE BACKShOP

Brian Kelly & Steve Greenberg

all ElEctionS aRE imPoRtant

It strikes me that change in govern-ment is a good thing. That is unless, of course, it is a bad thing.

We are approaching yet again another “election

of a lifetime.” One that will no doubt change the life and living conditions of all of us imme-diately and without exception. The choice of one person will lead to nirvana with a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage. The other choice would lead to economic chaos and to the likely dismantling of our very way of life.

The thing that I cling to in these times of a surge of nega-tive and destructive political ads is a belief that neither choice is really going to bring the change (or lack of change) that the millions of dollars spent asserts that they will bring. Even if she desired it, Sarah Palin as Vice President cannot overturn Roe vs. Wade any more than a President Barack Obama could wave a magic wand and change the world finan-cial distribution. Courts will decide cases;

and sound, widely supported energy and economic policy is the key to slowing the grip that oil barons have on the West.

That is not to say that this election is not important. They all are. Certainly, these individuals will represent us around the globe. But per-haps most importantly, they will be the ones deciding our fates if and when terrorism is sponsored directly by a nation state equipped with a nuclear weapon and the inclination and means to harm us. For me, this election – like all – mat-ters more for what I believe the prospective candidate will do without thinking about it than their theatrically crafted and

maintained images. Will they be rattled by disaster or attack or failure? Or will they shine most brightly when most desperately needed?

Terry Anker is an associate editor of Current in Westfield. You may e-mail him at [email protected].

TerryAnker

OK, now this one really takes the cake. A couple weeks ago we received a note from a reader accusing us of racism for running Tim Campbell’s cartoon (Current in Carmel, Sept. 9, 2008). The cartoon poked fun at the recent Carmel Dads’ Club deci-sion to no longer display kids’ names on jerseys. We found Tim’s work, like many readers with which we spoke, to be quite clever and funny. However, said caller thought we were racist for using the name “Juan.” To clarify, the name “Juan” was used in Tim’s cartoon because it rhymed with “one” – as in No. 1, the number the coach called the kid sitting on the bench. Now, we’ve asked several readers about the cartoon and no one, and we mean no one, read into it what our detractor did. And certainly no one saw anything negative about use of the name Juan. So, we find it ironic our critic had a problem with this name. We’re not sure why. Perhaps a dis-criminatory palate? Perhaps she is jump-ing on the out-of-control political correct-ness bandwagon. Anyone who knows us

realizes political correctness is for starchy, highly regulated offices – like those you’d find in, oh, say, GOVERNMENT buildings. We suggest the caller send her complaints to Jesse Jackson and/or Al Sharpton.

• • •We’re the first to admit when we’re

wrong about something. Case in point: We were dead wrong about the number of presidential and vice-presidential debates. They are: Friday (presidential, Oxford, Miss.), Oct. 2 (vice-presiden-tial, St. Louis), Oct. 7 (presidential, Nashville, Tenn.) and Oct. 15 (presidential Hempstead, N.Y.). This, of course, was pointed out by a writer who also termed us neocons. WRONG! Neither of us ever was on the left. We’ve always been, if any-thing, slightly right of center. Next?

hERE WE go, again: liStEn caREFullY!

READER’S VIEW

cuRREnt caRtoon inSEnSitivE toWaRd hiSPanic communitY

Editor:After seeing Tim Campbell’s (cartoon)

this week, I was absolutely speechless and infuriated. First of all, I am appalled that the publisher and editors would even allow something like this to be printed. The political, satirical cartoon is nothing short of racist!

Being a Hispanic American who lives in Carmel, this racist cartoon pokes fun at Hispanic people with accents and sends a message to Hispanic youth and families that being Hispanic is something to be ashamed of.

I spoke to Brian (the publisher) on the phone and the fact that he missed the racial undertone of the cartoon completely

does not speak so highly of him, either. Seriously people, I am not so naive that I would deny that racism exists, but it would be nice to open my local paper and not see it staring me in the face.

It is my opinion that the publisher, Brian Kelly, the editors who clearly are not editing anything, and Tim Campbell should start growing a social conscience and maybe even a soul. I still have hopes that one day people will look past race and religion, but for now, I think you, Brian Kelly, Tim Campbell and the editors of “Current In Carmel” owe the Hispanic community one big apology.

Shelia CaffertyCarmel

Wanna write us a letter? You can do it a couple ways. The easiest is to e-mail it to [email protected]. The old-fashioned way is to snail mail it

to Current in Carmel, 1 South Range Line Road, Carmel, IN 46032. Keep letters to 200 words max (we may make exceptions), and be sure to include your home zip code and a daytime number for verification.

WRITERS’ RULES

Page 5: September 23, 2008

SAFE SITTER - St. Mark’s United Methodist Church (126th St. &

Gray Rd) will host a Safe Sitter Class Friday and Saturday for boys and

girls ages 11-13. This medically accurate program will be held

in two parts: from 6 - 9 p.m. Friday and 8 a.m. - noon on Saturday. Students will learn how to recognize emergencies and know the appropriate action to take as well as receive tips on age-appropriate activities. Cost to participate is $35, and pre-registration is required. To register, or for more information, contact the church office, 846-4912 or visit www.stmarkscar-mel.org.

FALL FAMILY CAMP-OUT - Load up the kids, dig out your tents and head over to West Park for our fall Family Campout taking place Friday and Saturday from 4:30 p.m. to 9 a.m. Pre-registration is required for this event. Participants must bring their own tents, bug spray and flash-lights. The fee of $35/family includes dinner, a light breakfast and all activities. Tent setup takes place between 4:30-6:00 p.m. West Park is located at 2700 West 116th Street. In case of inclement weather, the rain date for the Family Camp-out will be Oct. 3-4. For more in-formation, please call 848-7275.

MONON CENTER BLOOD DRIVE - Every day there is a need for blood. You can’t save the world, but if you come out to the blood drive on Thursday you can save a life. The drive is from 3 to 6 p.m. in the Monon Center West Parking Lot. You must be 17 years of age (16 with parental consent) and weigh at least 100 pounds and be in good health to donate. Please bring a picture ID. Walk-ins are welcome, or you can schedule an appointment by calling 848-7275.

CHIP FOR KIDS - Dr. Lane and the Carmel Freemasons are working togeth-er to bring the National CHip Program to Carmel on Saturday from 10 a.m. - 3 p.m., at the Carmel Masons Lodge, 310 1st Street NE. This program provides tools to help law enforcement authorities to find and identify a lost or missing child. None of the information is copied, and all identifying materials are given to the child’s family. This is the first time it has ever been done in Indiana, and Dr. Lane is proud to be a contributing sponsor.

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8DISPATChES a PlaYbook FoR that uPcoming babY ShoWER

I’ve thrown a lot of baby showers over the years, and, if I can be honest, I’m pretty darned good at it. So here are some of my tips for hosting a fabu-lous party for the mommy-to-be that

will appeal to both great aunt Myrtle who never married but enjoys cats, and sassy little sister who loves the nightlife in Chicago:• Send a decent invitation.

You can go to Kinko’s, buy cute paper and matching envelopes, and use your word processor and printer to create professional and fun invitations for less than a dollar each with postage. Include a phone number and an e-mail address for RSVPs.

• Keep your shower shorter than three hours by establishing a sched-ule of events beforehand. Don’t rely on Prego to set the pace, or you’ll never get to the gifts. I recently did a baby shower with one of my sisters; it was over in 90 minutes! “Let’s move, ladies. We have a golf scramble to get to.”

• Have at least one game prepared. Baby showers often bring together women who don’t know each other, and games help lighten the mood. Try “Match the Baby to the Celebrity Parent” to get the

party started and then maybe “Name that Baby Food” later in the shower. Prizes can be as small as $1 candles from Marsh.

• Gifts should be opened at the shower so that guests can see the joy and appreciation (real or fake) on their friend’s face when she opens her 14th package of one-sies. Make sure, if possible, pres-ents are passed so that everyone can “ooh” and “aah” over the incredible softness of the receiv-ing blankets. Have a soon-to-be aunt record gifts and givers for thank-you notes, or better yet, release your guest of honor from this sometimes overwhelming responsibility with a collective “You’re Welcome!” Then the Hormonal One only needs to send cards to the people who

couldn’t attend.• If your religion allows, serve alcohol.

Mimosas, white wine, beer, spiked punch, anything to help take the edge off of people who are uncomfortable in social situations and/or who are not yet parents. Don’t forget non-caffeinated soda, tea or coffee for With Child.

• Little touches mean a lot. Have soft music playing in the background; light a candle in the bathroom; decorate your buffet table with baby toys; create

a guestbook out of a Anne Geddes photography collection; have nam-etags for everyone; buy a cake with “Congratulations” or “Welcome Baby Girly Name” on it; put balloons on your mailbox. Guests should see that you ac-tually spent some time preparing!

• Make it personal. If the guest of honor is allergic to strawberries, don’t serve them. If she can’t stand mornings, don’t start your shower until after noon. If she’s Jewish, don’t make everyone stand in a circle and say a Christian prayer before the meal. This is about her, not you.

• Encourage Knocked Up to invite family, friends, co-workers, neighbors and old high school buddies. “The More the Merrier” holds true at baby showers — more purchases off the Babies-R-Us registry and no one feels left out of the celebration.A hostess can only do so much to ensure

a baby shower’s success. If you are a guest at a shower, be sure to do the following: RSVP; arrive and depart promptly; offer to help set-up, cook, or clean-up; and par-ticipate, even if it means sampling some peuce-colored puree. Good luck planning your next baby shower. Peace out.

Danielle Wilson is a Carmel resident and con-tributing columnist. You may e-mail her at [email protected].

Danielle Wilson

By Bryan UnruhCurrent in Carmel

The Carmel post of the American Legion raised $30,000 for charity earlier this year at its annual golf tournament. The Indiana Veterans Home in Lafayette and the Woodland Christmas Fund for Needy Children will receive the money, raised July 17 at the 17th Charity Golf Tournament at Mohawk Hills Golf Course.

“It is heart-warming to see the face of a veteran who receives a new wheelchair or a child who is surprised and thankful when they receive a new pair of shoes or a hot meal,” said Harold “Rock” Effron, a life member of the Carmel American Legion.

The 18th annual Charity Golf Tournament will be in July 2009. The event is open to the public.

For more information, call the American Legion at (317) 846-0001.

amERican lEgion RaiSES $30,000

FoR chaRitY

OOPS - Last week, we erroneously stated that the Carmel City Center would open in “late 2009.” Its scheduled opening is in the fall of 2010, with marketing on residential units beginning in the fall of 2009.

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15304 Long Cove BLvd$575,000

Awesome kit w/granite counters. New refrig, cooktop, overn & W/D. New carpet. Fresh paint! Oversized gar. Tray clg in DR. FP in GR. Tiled sunrm. oLga Keegan, 317-333-6124, 846-7751

11122 Westminster Way $379,900

Lovely 4BR 3.5BA ranch w/fin-ished basement. 2FP’s, granite counter tops, 1st floor office, & 3-car garage on wooded lot in convenient Carmel. JoanrUBenstein, 290-4659, 846-7751

12433 BrooKs Crossing$560,000

Beautiful Hamilton Proper home on over 1 acre w/over 6000sf. 4BR/5+1/2BA, 3FP, fin daylight bsmt, 3car gar, granite +SS kit, main level mstr, maple hdwds. traCy vatnsdaL, 407-7000, 846-7751

14113 CoLviLLe Cir$309,000

Exhilarating 2BR/2BA brick Ranch. Lovely details include Dual Vanities, huge foyer and double ovens. Great room, sun room, cathedral ceilings. Pantry. Kent Kerns, 915-9334, 846-7751

5531 n deLaWare st$475,000

Heart of Meridian Kessler. 4 bedrooms, 5 baths. Gorgeous kitchen & baths, formal dining room & living room. Large family room, one bedroom on main. daWn KendriCK, 329-8535, 846-7751

328 main st W $299,000

Visualize the vibrant charm of this brand-new 2BR/2+BA unit. Cozy fireplace. Foyer, great room, bonus room. Walk-in closets, Dual Vanities. Deck. Kent Kerns, 915-9334, 846-7751

12974 treaty Line st$525,000

Amenities abound! Granite countertops, hdwds, archi-tectural detailing, designer, cabinets & built-ins. Don’t miss this opportunity for a Kent Shaffer home. angeLa raaB, 317-735-9610, 846-7751

4852 greensPire dr$305,900

Original owners.5BR/2.5BA 4000+SF of living space.Massive unfinished bsmt.Half AC fenced. Hardwds/ceramic.Lrg kit.9’clgs.Pocket doors.Office main.Loft up donna CoLLier, 317-299-1149, 844-4200

4637 s 575 e$450,000

Almost 8acres + a beautiful post&beam home w/SS & granite kitchen, hdwd floors, 5BR, 3BA w/over 5500 sf just outside of Zionsville. Deer included! traCy vatnsdaL, 407-7000, 846-7751

13922 oLiver Lane $275,000

Stunning 4BR/3BA home in Hayden Run at an amaz-ingly low price! Large yard, sunroom, ceramic tile, 2story entry, bonus office area & an unfinished bsmt. angeLa raaB, 317-735-9610, 846-7751

7226 e 550 s$1,200,000

Luxurious 6BR/5+BA brick Traditional-style nicely sited on 10.15 acres. Security system, 2 fireplaces, attractive pool. Two-story foyer, high ceilings. daWn KendriCK, 329-8535, 846-7751

4709 BrooKshire PKWy$252,000

Irresistible, fenced 4BR/2+BA tri-level positioned on 0.51 acres. Gas fireplace. Huge foyer, bay windows, hardwood flooring. Updated kitchen, pantry. ConstanCe Lidstrom, 317-525-8836, 846-7751

14510 oaK ridge rd$189,900

Location! Playgrounds, Monon & ballfields all within walking distance. 4 bed-rooms, nice deck. Extra large mini-barn. Updated floors & countertops. Lisa meiners, 216-5976, 846-7751

212 heady Ln$160,000

Amazing hardwood floors throughout 3BR/2BA Sunblest ranch w/perennial cottage gardens over 1625 sf w/all appliances included & lots of updates everywhere! traCy vatnsdaL, 407-7000, 846-7751

12164 roCKford Ct$180,000

Come home to The Highlands @ Stonycreek where lawns are maintained while you sit on your deck & enjoy! 3BR/2BA+loft+sunrm. 2sty GRw/FP. All appls included. traCy vatnsdaL, 407-7000, 846-7751

610 dearBorn dr$129,900

Modelesc 3BR townhome. 2 story entry opens into great room. Sparkling kitchen with white cabinets & appliances. Great neighborhood ameni-ties. Come see! Lisa meiners, 216-5976, 846-7751

14927 WindmiLL dr$169,900

Welcoming 4BR/2+BA 2-story. Cathedral ceilings, master suite, walk-in closets. Garden tub, Dual Vanities, breakfast nook. Patio to enjoy the back yard! angeL dean, 317-388-3560, 846-7751

11660 BUttonWood dr$122,900

A unique treasure on a corner lot. Retreat to this terrific, 2BR/2BA single-story. Gas fireplace. Walk-in closets, breakfast nook. Deck. Fenced. Linda mead, 848-5119, 846-7751

1217 tUrner Ct$169,900

New construction townhome in Home Place.Carmel Clay award-winning school district.4BR/2.5BA close to Monon Trail & Monon Center.No assoc fees, appl. incl. angeLa raaB, 317-735-9610, 846-7751

11606 BUttonWood dr$124,900

Look at the possibilities of this pleasant 2BR/2BA garden unit. Cozy fireplace. Foyer, great room, cathedral ceilings. Skylights, bay windows. Lindamead, 848-5119, 846-7751

9600 CLover Leaf Ln$160,000

Country Fields @ Fishers near-ly 2000sf w/2BR/2BA+den. 2c gar + gorgeous inte-rior spaces! FR, deck, all appliances included! Great condition amenities too! traCy vatnsdaL, 407-7000, 846-7751

569 arthUr dr$115,000

Find many delights in this comfortable, fenced 2-bedroom single-level. Security system. Skylights, hardwood flooring, breakfast nook. Main-level laundry. oLga Keegan, 317-333-6124, 846-7751

13921 LeatherWood dr$219,900

Light, bright & open! Lovely great room with vaulted ceiling. Main level master. Loft area could be utilized as play area or in-home office. Lisameiners, 216-5976, 846-7751

4829 BeeChWood rd$55,000

Overlooking the 15th tee. In Avon. Wooded lot ready for your dream home. Quiet cul-de-sac street w/ little traffic. Private .81 acre property. oLgaKeegan, 317-333-6124, 846-7751

neWPriCe!

By Bryan UnruhCurrent in Carmel

Most 1-year-olds get presents on their birth-day. Not this one.

In commemoration of its first birthday, the Dunkin’ Donuts at 1305 S. Rangeline Rd. do-nated a ballistic bullet-proof vest to the Carmel Police Department in a celebration last week.

Mayor James Brainard and Police Chief Mike Fogerty attended the ceremony on Sept.15, cel-ebrating the heroism of local police and Dunkin’ Donuts’ wildly successful first year.

Carl Whitmire, executive director of mar-keting for Dunkin’ Donuts owner Miracle Restaurant Group, said the donation was part of the chain’s focus on community.

“The police officers in Carmel put their lives on the line every day for us,” he said. “We thought it would be a great idea to give them something they can use.”

The Carmel SWAT team will use the vest, which is significantly heavier and more expen-sive than a normal bullet-proof vest, Fogerty said. The vests worn by patrolling police offi-cers cost about $600 and prevent injuries from

handguns, while ballistic vests cost about $1,600 and protect against high-powered rifles, he said.

“We have a need for these,” Fogerty said. “We are most appreciative to Dunkin’ Donuts for doing this.”

Brainard also commended the restaurant’s community involvement.

“It’s a very good thing when a little business voluntarily offers to help the police depart-ment,” he said.

dunkin’ donutS donatES vESt to cPdSydney Melrose, 8, a third-grader at

Towne Meadow Elementary School, displays a fresh batch of what she calls, “Undecided Cookie”. The cookie’s name comes from Melrose almost always having difficulty deciding whether to eat sugar or chocolate chip cookies, so she makes half-and-half. Below is the recipe submitted by Melrose:

Chocolate chips; 2 sticks softened butter; 1 2/3 cups confectioners sugar; 2 teaspoons vanilla extract; 1/2 teaspoon almond extract; 1 egg; 3 cups all-purpose flour; 1 teaspoon baking soda; 1/4 teaspoon salt

Cooking InstructionsPreheat oven to 375 degrees. In a large bowl combine softened butter,

confectioners sugar, vanilla extract, almond extract, egg and blend to-gether. In a second medium bowl add flour, baking soda, salt and whisk. Add dry ingredients to creamed mixture. Stir just to combine. Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes. Roll dough into balls. Roll half of the balls in chocolate chips. Place one sugar dough ball and one chocolate dough ball next to each other. Place them on lightly oiled or parchment paper lined baking sheets. Separate them by about an inch. Bake at 375-degrees for13-18 minutes, until edges are light brown.Remove from baking sheets to cool on wire racks.Dip half of cookie in chocolate sauce.

undEcidEdlY dEliciouS

Carl Whitmire, Mayor James Brainard, Police Chief Mike Fogerty, and Dunkin Donuts manager Mike Thompson.

MELROSE

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Rosemary Waters is the muscle behind Carmel’s 11th International Arts Festival. Without her yearly dedica-tion, the festival would not be

as grand as it has been the last weekend of each September. Behind Waters is a top-notch gathering of lieutenants organiz-ing, planning and implement-ing this weekend’s party.

Always behind the scenes is Paxton Waters, loyal husband. A talented architect comes in handy when trying to figure out how to squeeze 150 artists and their tents onto a city street with a rigid beginning and un-yielding endpoint.

Joan Cimino is in charge of the area designed for artists currently attending a local high school. She also is responsible for bring-ing to the festival the work of Mariano Corral-Libano, a popular artist from Spain. Julie Houck, a local artist with a follow-ing of her own, serves on the committee coordinating needs of participating artists. Sandy Barretto is a committee veteran and the voice of reason. This year she tackles entertainment, having in previous years made sure everyone was well-fed with good food. Filling her shoes as Food Chairman is Gary Frey. Michael Godfrey, a student of

Carmelfest trash, will make sure restroom facilities are handy, plentiful and clean.

Committee matriarch Doreen Squire Ficara attends every meeting having done so since the first festival in 1997. She over-

sees the workings of the World’s Smallest Art Gallery, located in the center of the festival. Lynda Pitz, a new member of the group, handled marketing and Public Relations. Carmel police officer Lee Goodman donates his time helping with parking, security and traffic. Elaine Bass, another veteran member of the commit-tee, handles facts, particulars and fine-points, putting everything into writing from year to year.

Mary Lou Schweitzer and Leslie Lauk head up the chil-dren’s area, giving young artists a place to express themselves

freely and without borders. The volunteer heading up volunteers is Cherie Piebes. Always on the lookout for helpers, www.carmelartsfestival.org will put you in touch with her. As you stroll along Main Street this weekend enjoying the festivities, remember the people behind the scenes responsible for the art you didn’t see.

Jeff Worrell is a local business owner. He recognizes volunteers on “Connecting with Carmel” on cable channel 16. Contact him at [email protected]

Jeff Worrell

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SaturdayCasual Worship . . . . . . . . . 5:01 p .m .

SundayClassic Worship . . 8:00 & 11:00 a .m .Praise Worship . . . . . . . . . 9:30 a .m .Sunday School (all ages) . 9:30 a .m .

Nursery AvailableCommunity Preschool

What You Get To Do

2201 E. 106th at Keystone • Carmel(317) 846-1555 • www.kogcarmel.com

Ever been thumbing through a paper or magazine and see an ad-vertisement that didn’t make sense to you? A product you would never buy? Have you ever found

yourself watching a television show, and you see commer-cials that clearly aren’t for you? If you’re a guy, have you ever picked up Cosmo and browsed just to satisfy your curiosity or to find out what women really, really want? Well, those adver-tisements aren’t for you; in fact, there’s probably nothing in there you’d buy willingly.

For television, newspapers and magazines, those content-producing companies generally know their audience. They know their audience and thoroughly understand their interests -- so much so that they sell time to advertisers based on the audience profiles. Therefore, when you are a viewer or reader, you are often getting an advertising message that appeals to you and your lifestyle.

If you aren‘t seeing products or services you would buy, your viewing habits may be misaligned with your lifestyle (or the percieved lifestyle of most viewers or read-ers). I regularly watch The Office and 30 Rock. Nearly every commercial speaks to

me in some manner. I occassionally catch an episode of King of Queens. And as I watch, I find that only a small fraction of the commercials appeal to me – probably a percentage that closely reflects my viewing

habits for the show.When it comes to marketing,

you must know who you are talking to. Unlike marketing in more traditional channels, many businesses don‘t give much con-sideration to their online audi-ence. Questions like “Who will be visiting?” and “What are their tasks and goals when they stop by my online destination?” must be answered. The answers serve as a foundation to understand-ing your audience.

Armed with that understand-ing, you can begin to create the experience and story that

will resonate with that group. A look, feel and functionality that quickly makes them think, “this is for me,” is the goal. After all, if someone visits your website, and they are met with a message that doesn’t imme-diately feel comfortable, the “back” button is the next move they’ll make.

David Cain works at MediaSauce, a digital media and online marketing company in Carmel. David welcomes your questions or comments at [email protected].

David CainMarketing

Who aRE You talking to?

MYRTLE BEACH CONDO AUCTION - Myrtle Beach, SC: 87 condo closeout, 40 selling absolute. One-, two- and three-bedroom available close to beach and golf. Saturday, Sept. 27.

LUXURY ATLANTA HIGH-RISE CONDO - Atlanta, GA: Starting from $249,900. Opening October.

LIVE IN CHICAGOLAND FOR 18 MONTHS - Chicago, IL: Mortgage (P&I) paid at Residences Shorewood Towne Center. Single-family homes from mid-$200s.

GRAND OPENING DEALS IN BALTIMORE - Baltimore, MD: Inner Harbor luxury condos. Special pricing and $39k in exclusive benefits.

SAVE UP TO $115k ON TAMPA HI-RISE - Tampa, FL: One-, two- and three-bedroom new condos with views. 35,000 square-foot resort-style pool.

SHAKER HEIGHTS ABSOLUTE AUCTION - Shaker Heights, OH: 3,200 square feet. Two-bedroom, four-bath, luxury media room, Brazilian cherry floors in prestigious South Park Row. Wednesday, September 24.

For more information on these and other real estate deals, visit www. toptenreales-tatedeals.com.

TOP REAL ESTATE DEALS

SALARY GROWTH TOP AND BOTTOM - Out of the top 200 metropolitan statis-tical areas in the United States, 20 cities with the fastest wage growth and the 20 cities with the slowest have been identi-fied. Here are the five best and five worst from their lists.

BEST: College Station-Bryan, Texas, 9.5 percent; Gulfport-Biloxi, Miss., 7.2 percent;

New Orleans-Metairie-Kenner, La., 6.8 percent; Redding, Calif., 5.9 percent; Merced, Calif., 5.7 percent.

WORST: Florence-Muscle Shoals, Ala., 0.1 percent;Ocala, Fla., 0.9 percent;Alexandria, La., 0.9 percent;

Kalamazoo-Portage, Mich., 0.9 percent;Saginaw-Saginaw Township North, Mich., 1 percent.

No cities in Indiana made either list.-msn.com

SOMERSET WELCOMES JACK ORTH - Somerset CPAs is pleased to announce that Jack Orth has joined their Information Solutions Team and Construction & A/E Team. Orth is a Timberline software consultant and has been serving the construction and real estate industries since 1983. Hiss exper-tise includes implementation of comput-erized systems, job costing, job captur-ing, project management, custom report writing and controller responsibilities.

AFRAID OF FOLDING BROKERAGES? - When you buy stocks or bonds, the brokerage must keep them segre-gated from its own. The same goes for the funds you’ve stuffed into your IRA. So even if your firm goes under because of, say, an ill-fated bet on frozen concentrat-ed orange juice, your securities should still be there (though you may not be able to access them immediately). In ad-dition, the Securities Investor Protection Corporation (SIPC) exists to protect investors from folding brokerages and dishonest brokers. Another reassurance: in its entire 38-year history, SIPC has had to spend only $508 million to recover customer assets. And only 349 customers total have failed to get their entire port-folios back.

-money.cnn.com

DISPATChES

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MONEY MATTERSHow confident are you in the economy?

“Throughout history, econo-mies are cyclical, and this one will improve as well. Confidence in yourself is what is important.”

Jai Massela, Carmel

“I am more confident than I was earlier (last) week, but I think it could be a while before I am truly confident.”

Karen Stevens, Carmel

“I am very confident. We are just getting back to where we need to be. It will be fine.”

Steve Kinney, Carmel

Type: French Country.Age: Built in 2002.Location: Near the intersection of Keystone and Main Street.Neighborhood: A quaint wooded community with 39 custom homes.Square footage: 3,050 square feet with an additional 1,845 square feet in the partially finished basement.Rooms: This four-bedroom home has a main floor master suite with a view of the woods and creek and includes one of three fireplaces. Two of the upstairs bedrooms share a Jack and Jill bath while the third is used as an office with French doors. The partially finished basement walks out to the wooded lot.Description: This bank-owned home, currently listed at $359,900, is a great deal for the buyer that is willing to deal with

a repossession situation. This home was modeled after an award-winning design from the west coast and is conveniently located just down the street from Carmel High School and the new Arts and Design District with quick access to Keystone. A wooded lot adjacent to a creek is a rare find, especially with a four-year-old property. Similar lots without houses in Carmel have sold for over $150,000. Remember, with a bank-owned property, the bank will do little or no repairs to the house.

John Pacilio and his team specialize in Westfield real estate with RE/MAX Ability Plus. Contact him at 216.8500 or [email protected].

CarXManager: John Neibold

Address: 17501 Ganther Blvd.Westfield, IN 46072

Hours: Monday – Friday: 7:30 a.m. – 6 p.m., Saturday: 7:30 a.m. – 4 p.m.

Phone: 317-896-1315Website: www.carx.com

CarX isn’t alone in the automotive ser-vice market, but John Neibold, pictured, manager of the corporation’s newest loca-tion in Westfield, says his company tops all its competitors. Aside from the typical express lube service, CarX offers service on brakes, mufflers, tires and alternators

among a host of other products. “We are a one-stop shop,” he said. “We do everything here.” CarX outlets receive inventory di-rectly from the manufacturer, Neibold said, allowing them to guarantee the lowest service rates. The Westfield location, which opened on Sept. 8, will charge just $14.95 for an express oil lube through the end of the month. The normal cost is $26.

NOW OPEN

BEST BUY OF ThE WEEKBy John Pacilio,

RE/MAX Ability Plus

Price: $359.9 K

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Did you know that just like au-tomobiles, mortgages have the ability to move forward and backward? The standard loan used to buy a home is straight-

forwardly referred to as a mort-gage, while reverse mortgages sound like a more exotic type of loan and have grown rapidly in popularity in recent years.

In reality, reverse mortgages are home equity loans used to extract cash from your existing residence with a few key twists. They are only available only to those 62 years or older, but are becoming more widespread given this is a fast-growing demographic thanks to the aging of the Baby Boomers. More than 100,000 reverse mort-gages were issued by the federal government last year, a more than 10-fold increase in the past decade.

The key benefit to these mortgages is they offer a way for seniors to use their home as a giant piggy bank while continuing to live in it. And the loan doesn’t become due until the home is sold or the owners merge with the infinite, with no monthly payments to be made. Better yet, if the home is worth more than the loan amount at the end of the term, the heirs pocket the difference and if the reverse holds true, Uncle Sam takes care of the shortfall.

A drawback is they don’t make much sense if the house is sold within a few years. There is also a monthly service fee of around $30, interest rates are variable, interest is increas-ingly accrued on interest since there is no

regular payment, and the upfront costs can be high, to the tune of 2-percent of the loan amount.

In general, a home equity loan is simpler and still makes the most sense for gray-haired home owners in need of capital and able to make the payments. A recent government bill has made reverse mortgages more appealing since Congress decided to cap the upfront costs to $6,000 and also made it more difficult for unscrupulous brokers to attach expensive annuity and insurance products to the overall deal. It still may not add up entirely

for many prospective clients, but reverse mortgages can make sense for those in need of liquidity and intent on staying in their homes for many years, provided they also read the fine print.

Ryan Fuhrmann, CFA, is a freelance invest-ment writer/analyst based in Carmel. Feel free to contact him at [email protected] or or visit his website at www.RationalAnalyst.com.

Ryan Fuhrmann

thE REvERSE moRtgagE Wagon

My business partner and I recently moved into new office space in the Arts and Design District. We are totally digging it.

Carmel is such an awesome place to live and work. We’re all extremely blessed to be here. (Feel free to interpret this as a shameless plug for Jim Brainard and his admin-istration. Keep driving prog-ress, guys.) It’s been an easy adjustment for me to this new environment, except for one thing.

I see statues.Everywhere.No matter how many

times I drive through town, they catch me off guard. Even though I now walk down Main Street almost every day, I can’t get used to them. And I’m not a ‘fraidy-cat. Things typically don’t spook or startle me. But I have to tell you, that lady with the bag of grocer-ies outside Joe’s Butcher Shop sometimes gives me the willies: she seems to always be watching me. Just this week, I parked my truck on the street, walked around to the curb, and that darn violin-playing

street musician made me jump. The little girl watering the plants doesn’t seem to bother me. Perhaps because I’m sure I could take her in a fair fight…

The father helping his child learn to ride a bike no doubt has caused a few double takes on the Monon Trail. Is it coincidence that the sailor kissing the nurse is placed near Pillow Talk? Maybe they could outfit her in some lin-gere -- just an idea.

I’m not sure how long it’s going to take for me to react differently to seeing these things. I keep telling myself that eventually I’ll get used to it. This winter, my goal is to drive by and not freak out and momentarily think that some old guy really is sitting

on that bench in the pouring rain reading the paper.

Kent Burns is a Carmel resident, investor and co-founder of CrossConfirm. He is also a pro-fessional speaker and author of What’s Your Why? His blog is www.kentburnsblog.com, and he can be reached at [email protected].

Kent Burns On Success

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8UPCOMING FREE SEMINARS - Clarian North is offering two free seminars regarding minimally invasive surgery techniques this week. To register for each seminar, call 688-2746 or visit clariannorth.com. All seminars are held in the Learning Center at Clarian North Medical Center, 11700 N. Meridian, Carmel.

Use of the da Vinci Robot for Prostate Cancer Monday, 6:30 - 7:30 p.m. Presented by Dr. David Hollensbe; Urology of Indiana

Use of the da Vinci Robot f or Uterine Fibroids Sept. 30, 6:30 - 7:30 p.m. Presented by Dr. Leo Bonaventura; Bonaventura Reproductive Medicine

A FAIR SHAKE - Salt has long been tagged as a high blood pressure culprit, but the tide may be turning: The Journal of General Internal Medicine recently reported that people on low-sodium diets may have an 80 percent greater risk of dying from heart disease than salt lovers. Experts, confounded by the results, are still studying why. In the meantime, a moderate salt intake is recommended.

-Quick and Simple

SUNLIGHT REVERSES AGING - It’s true. A study in the

American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that high levels of vitamin D – a nutrient your

body makes from sun exposure – can slow

the aging process by up to five years. The vitamin apparently cuts down on DNA damage that boosts the risk of age-related illnesses like heart disease and cancer. Just 20 minutes a week of sunlight on the skin (preferably not on your face) can deliver 90 percent of your daily vitamin D requirements.

-Health.com

PILATES BEATS CRUNCHES - A study by researchers at Auburn University-Montgomery in Alabama found that Pilates ab exercises are superior to crunches for strengthening abdominal muscles. In particular, the crisscross was better for strengthening the external obliques while the teaser was a more effective exercise for the rectus abdominis.

- www.prevention.com

New location!

Ask about birthday

parties!

4450 Weston Pointe Drive(109th Street and Michigan Road)

(317) 733-8710

Great fall activities at 4 Kids Books & Toys:

Toys and Tales that grow imaginations

Book Signing

for Howard the FishSaturday, Sept. 27th,

10:30 & 11:30amBy Julie Shore and Kate Jones.

Author readings, crafts for kids, and book signing.

StorytimeTuesdays, 10:30amStories and play time.

DISPATChES mindFul Eating haS itS bEnEFitS

Women ages 40 to 60 are especially prone to shoulder injuries because of fluc-tuating hormones and loss of bone density. Stay healthy and pain free with two quick moves:

opEN thE DooRLie on right

side, left arm resting along upper side of body, and right arm on floor with elbow bent at 90 degrees and 3-pound dumbbell in hand. Maintaining bend in elbow, raise weight across body toward left arm. Lower slowly and repeat 10 times, then continue to the next move.

closE thE DooRStill on right

side, extend right arm overhead, and bend left arm across chest with 3-pound dumbbell in hand. Maintaining bend in elbow, rotate forearm away from body until it’s parallel to floor. Lower and repeat 10 times, then switch sides to do the series using opposite arms.

-www.prevention.com

no cold ShouldER

For many adults, what and why we eat does not have a lot to do with our physical need for food. It is rare that people actually eat food for the sole purpose of fuel for the

body.Many have had

the experience of looking down and realizing that the whole bag of chips or box of cookies is gone without meaning to eat that much. For others, the problem is eating too quickly because of being on the go, multi-task-ing or simply habit. When we engage in mindless eating,

we are not only robbing ourselves of the enjoyable experience of eating, but we are usually eating far more than our bodies truly need.

There are some easy things that everyone can do in order to become more mind-ful about eating. First, pay attention to eating. Do an experiment with yourself when you have a few minutes one day. Try sitting down at the table without any distractions to eat a meal or snack. Pay at-

tention to the task of eating and to the food that you are eating. This may not be com-fortable because many are used to eating while doing something else such as watching TV, driving or working on the computer.

Another way to gain awareness is to keep a food journal. Take several days, and write down ev-erything that you consume. This forces you to take a hard look at ex-actly what you are putting in your mouth.

If you find that you do not have time for either of these more formal exercises, simply try to slow down when eating. Attempt to make each meal last for at least 10 to 20 minutes. This may seem like an easy task, but many people gobble up their food in half this time. Making these

changes can bring us new perspective on your eating habits and lead to positive changes in your diet overall.

Eve Olson, M.D., is the owner and founder of the Olson Center for Wellness. For more infor-mation, please e-mail [email protected], or call 705.1400.

Dr. Eve OlsonWellness

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Not all conventionally grown produce car-ries high levels of pesticide. You can save

money by buying conventional versions of these fruits and vegetables with

no substantial risk of pesticide ex-posure: onions, avocado, frozen sweet corn, asparagus, frozen sweet peas, bananas, cabbage, kiwi, pineapples, mango, broc-coli, papaya.

livER liFE Walk

JEllYFiSh booSt bRain PoWER

conSiStEntlY clEan

Don’t worry. We’re not recommending a Portuguese Man-of-War salad. But a new supplement called Prevagen, made from jel-lyfish protein, may help you clear up brain fog and give you more energy. As we hit our 30s and 40s, we lose proteins that prevent brain cells from dying, which can lead to memory loss, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and stroke. Animal studies at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee showed that Prevagen reduced cell death by up to 50 percent. Only time will tell, however, if Prevagen is worth the $54.95 price tag.

-Quick and Simple

This annual fund-raising walk for the American Liver Foundation will take place at Fort Harrison State Park on Saturday. The Liver Life Walk is a family- and pet-friendly event packed with fun. Check-in begins at 9 a.m., and the walk will kick off at 10 a.m. with lunch and entertainment to follow. Visit www.liverfoundation.org/walk, or contact Natalie Sutton, Executive Director of the American Liver Foundation Indiana Chapter, at 635-5074 or [email protected] for in-formation or registration.

Aileen C. Helton DDS

Call 317.575.8993

FREE WHITENING

N

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12510 N. Meridian StreetCarmel, IN 46032

317-580-0828www.amberindian

restaurantcarmel.com

DaIly luNCh buffetMon - Fri: 11am - 2:30pm • Sat & Sun: 11:30am - 3pm

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Henrietta Lucille Lamb, 86, of Carmel Ind., passed away Sept. 15, 2008. She was born on March 10, 1922 in New Augusta to the late Henry and Osa Hollingsworth Simmons. Henrietta graduated from Pike High School and then attended Indiana Business College. She was employed with ASC for 39 years as well as farming along side her husband, Raymond for 55 years in Hamilton County. Henrietta was a member of the John Purdue Club and a 50 year member of the Order of Eastern Star Radiant Chapter #200. She also served on the Carmel Town Council Zoning Board for 10 years. Some of the joys of life for Henrietta included playing cards, gardening and painting. She and Raymond were great supporters of the Carmel High School athletic and musical events for more than 50 years. In addition to her parents, she was preceded in death by a brother, Jim Simmons; sisters, Irene Brooks, Evelyn Simmons and Maxine Roehling. Survivors include her loving husband of 54 years, William “Raymond” Lamb; brother-in-law, Dick (Joanne) Lamb and Bob Roehling; eleven nieces and nephews; seventeen great nieces and nephews and two great great nieces. Funeral arrangements were handled by Leppert Mortuary, Smith Carmel Chapel. You are invited to visit www.leppertmortuary.com where you may share a memory, sign the guest book or make a memorial contribution to the Salem Lutheran Church, Music Department or the Murat Shrine Transportation Fund, 510 N Jersey, Indianapolis, IN 46204.

September 151:20:53 a.m., alarm burglar, 14017 Sourwood Lane

2:47:29 a.m., security check, 11813 River Road6:57:23 a.m., accident property damage, 32 I 465 W7:08:02 a.m., traffic hazard, Keystone Avenue S / East Main Street7:19:17 a.m., accident property damage, 32 I 465 W7:55:02 a.m., investigation, Haverstick Road/ East 98th St8:07:11 a.m., suspicious activity, 2925 W 146th St7:55:02 a.m., investigation, Haverstick Road/ East 98th St8:12:58 a.m., accident property damage, 4140 E 96th St8:33:09 a.m., assist other dept, East 96th St / Westfield Blvd8:40:50 a.m., accident property damage, East 96th St / Bauer Drive E8:41:31 a.m., directed patrol, Edinburgh Drive / Carey Road9:11:57 a.m., investigation, 520 E Main St9:17:03 a.m., investigation, East 116th St / Green Street9:25:48 a.m., investigation, Gray Road/ Woodcreek Drive8:41:31 a.m., directed patrol, Edinburgh Drive / Carey Road9:26:59 a.m., traffic hazard, S Rangeline Road/ East Carmel Drive9:25:48 a.m., investigation, Gray Road/ Woodcreek Drive9:31:43 a.m., alarm burglar, 12316 Brookshire Parkway9:09:20 a.m., animal complaint, 434 Cool Ridge Drive9:25:48 a.m., investigation, Gray Road/ Woodcreek Drive9:57:27 a.m., directed patrol, East Main Street / Keystone Avenue North9:25:48 a.m., investigation, Gray Road/ Woodcreek Drive9:59:40 a.m., abandoned auto, 549 Melark Drive

obituaRiES

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PolicE RunS

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8continuEd FRom P14

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10:09:57 a.m., child welfare, East 96th St / Gray Road10:09:44 a.m., theft, 150 West 96th St10:15:12 a.m., accident property damage, W 131st St / Illinois Street10:26:14 a.m., traffic hazard, 31 I 465 W10:33:30 a.m., security check, 6310 East 131st St10:38:41 a.m., f hazmat gas line cut, 10710 Braewick Drive10:54:22 a.m., investigation, 1235 Central Park Drive E11:08:04 a.m., investigation, East 106th St / Keystone Avenue North11:08:04 a.m., investigation, East 106th St / Keystone Avenue North1:25:34 p.m., alarm burglar, 13722 Coldwater Drive1:34:27 p.m., investigation, 38 W Main St1:48:22 p.m., theft, 520 E Main St1:54:16 p.m., theft, 5288 Breakers Way2:16:08 p.m., domestic, 511 E 111th St2:46:15 p.m., juvenile complaint, 8 Horseshoe Lane W2:55:14 p.m., suspicious activity, 365 Winding Way3:21:33 p.m., accident property damage, 2259 E 116th St3:59:42 p.m., burglary, 665 Woodbine Drive E4:22:30 p.m., assist other dept, East 146th St / Gray Road4:45:43 p.m., accident property damage, 231 S Rangeline Road5:23:25 p.m., juvenile complaint, 210 N Rangeline Road5:51:16 p.m., security check, 275 Medical Drive6:02:23 p.m., accident property damage, East 96th St / College Avenue6:28:01 p.m., alarm burglar, 9799 Enterprise Drive6:46:16 p.m., driving complaint, Hazel Dell Parkway / East 116th St7:22:03 p.m., assist public, 3 Civic Sq7:58:11 p.m., assist other dept, East 116th St / Pennsylvania Street

8:03:07 p.m., theft, 1424 W Carmel Drive8:02:59 p.m., animal complaint, 14350 Clay Terrace Blvd8:11:44 p.m., solicitor, 15 Village Drive N8:47:05 p.m., civil dispute, 501 Melark Drive

September 1612:05:42 a.m., theft, 10101 North Meridian St1:16:00 a.m., investigation, 516 E Carmel Drive1:30:46 a.m., investigation, 1254 Golfview Drive1:46:45 a.m., investigation, S Guilford Road/ East 116th St2:19:52 a.m., investigation, 450 Meadow Lane6:18:17 a.m., battery, 118 Medical Drive6:28:23 a.m., investigation, 13066 Fleetwood Drive N7:43:55 a.m., directed patrol, Carey Road/ Linden Lane8:09:53 a.m., accident property damage, City Center Drive / 3rd Ave Sw8:12:10 a.m., acc minor, 11725 Illinois St8:15:27 a.m., investigation, Springmill Road/ Pintail Court8:21:56 a.m., ts, Briarwood Trce / Gray Road8:23:29 a.m., ts, Keystone Avenue S / East Main Street8:22:12 a.m., juvenile complaint, 3714 Cambridge Court8:28:35 a.m., traffic hazard, Keystone Avenue S / East Carmel Drive8:32:02 a.m., alarm burglar, 420 N Rangeline Road8:34:40 a.m., investigation, Clay Center Road/ Clay Spring Drive8:36:50 a.m., ts, W 146th St / Shelborne Road8:34:40 a.m., investigation, Clay Center Road/ Clay Spring Drive9:54:38 a.m., investigation, Keystone Avenue North/ East Carmel Drive10:04:36 a.m., harassment, 13193 Dunwoody Lane11:00:11 a.m., investigation, Springmill Road/ Dorset Blvd11:02:22 a.m., directed patrol, Brian Pl / Lakeshore Drive E11:04:12 a.m., investigation, East 146th St /

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COLLEGE WOOD STUDENT COUNCIL NAMED - College Wood Elementary students and teachers elected members of this year’s student council, which is sponsored by fifth-grade teacher Jacy Borcherding. Fourth-graders are Abby Griffey, Liz Hamilton, Caleb He, Kelly Kingston, Ethan Merriweather, Isaac Schrof, Noah Walton and Grace Zhang. Fifth-graders are Maggie Baker, Andrew Baldini, Lucus Cheng, Scott Corbett, Quinn Cuthbert, Hannah Dahler, Katie Holland, Connor Holly, Jonathan Lewis, Chad Mann, Andrew Masin, Anastasy Morozov, Lizzie Polak, Nicole Prancik, Emma Stiggleman, Kelly Stiggleman, Joe Stebbins, Katie Tellus, Haley Urbanowski, Leah Vadas, Hallie Watson and Alex Yom.

HOMECOMING ACTIVITIES RAISE $10,536 FOR CHARITY - Playhouses built by Carmel High School students and faculty for last week’s football homecoming celebration have been sold, with proceeds to be donated to charity. Bids were taken for each of the five playhouses. Each year, rather than building floats that are just torn apart and thrown away at the end of the homecoming football game, each class as well as the faculty builds a playhouse, which are then sold to the highest bidder. The house built by the faculty sold for $600, with funds going to the Carmel Clay Education Foundation. Other houses and their recipients include the freshman class, $625, Keep Indianapolis Beautiful; sophomore class, $625, Joy’s House; junior class, $800, the Julian Center; and senior class, $625, Chaucie’s Place. Add the playhouse donation to the Sept. 6 5K run and walk and collection jars that were placed in the high school cafeterias last week, and homecoming activities at Carmel High School raised $10,536 for charity.

ORCHARD PARK STUDENT ART HEADED FOR JAPAN - As part of the activities for the Carmel International Festival, several Orchard Park Elementary art students had their work selected for an exchange to Japan. Those students are kindergarteners Kylie McPherson, Kate Phegley and Madalyn Scobell; first-graders Paige Gardner, Isabella Habash, Dristi Patel, Sebastian Penix and Garrett Sharp; second-graders Elizabeth Lebedeva and Jinnie Tomes; third-graders Savannah Bailey, Jyllayne Kelley-Parmley and Noah Whited; fourth-graders Shannon McConnell, Anjali Papadopoulos and Carson Strohm; fourth- and fifth-grade challenge class members Madhi Rahman and Tyger Lilley and fifth-graders Sagar Lalla and Jenna Langen.

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DISPATChESBy Brandie BohneyCurrent in Westfield

I’d like to introduce you to my dog Tessa. You may be wondering why I’m bringing up my dog in this story (especially if you know that she’s no longer living). Let me explain: Tessa was a grammatically correct canine.

How can a dog be grammatically correct, you ask? Tess knew the dif-ference between lay and lie, and she wouldn’t obey the incorrect com-mand. That’s what happens when you pair a wildly bright dog with someone who has a passion for good grammar.

It annoyed my mother to no end.Lay and lie present a problem to many people – my

mother included – who almost always pass their inability to distinguish between the verbs on to their dogs (and their kids). And just for clarification, we’re not talking about the verb lie as it refers to saying something you know is not true.

Lay is a transitive verb, which means that it is incomplete without a direct object. In other words, the laying is always being done to something: I always lay the knife on the table when I finish slicing. Please lay down your pencils. The knife and the pencils are the recipients of the action.

Lie is an intransitive verb, so it does not take an object: He will lie down for a nap. Lie still for your MRI. Voila – no direct objects.

The problem is, in part, some overlap in the verb forms when you shift out of present tense. The past tense of lie is

lay: My head hurt so much yesterday that I lay down to rest. The past tense of lay is laid (not layed, which isn’t even a word): He laid the papers on your desk yesterday.

When you need a strong dose of confusion, move on to the past participles: I have lain here each afternoon for a month. (lie) He has laid his keys and wallet on his dresser after work every day until today. (lay)

No wonder it’s so confusing! And if you learned the “Now I lay me down to sleep” prayer when you were little, it probably just confuses you even more. The prayer is actually correct because

me is acting as the direct object, but unless you are in the habit of saying you lay yourself down when you rest, that’s just not the way to go.

My only suggestion for tackling this usage issue is to make yourself aware of how to use each verb correctly and then work diligently to turn that awareness into real-life usage. Start one tense at a time if you have to.

And just so that you don’t feel like a dufus compared to my dog, she really only knew the difference between the present tense forms, and she never had to use them in conversation.

Brandie Bohney, an editor for Current Publishing, is a former English teacher who developed a mastery-learning technique for teaching grammar, style and punctuation to high school seniors. If you have a grammar question for her, please email [email protected].

caninE gRammaRian tacklES laY and liE

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Lie down. Good dog.

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Are you so busy raising a family that you have no time to raise a child? Whether you are a single mom, single dad or part of a couple, demands on your time

come from a myriad of direc-tions. Plus, you can be thrown off course when your child gets sick or hurt or feels neglected.

If you find yourself in this dilemma you need to stop and ask yourself what you can do differently. I’m sure you’ve heard that quality time beats quantity time. This expression is espe-cially true when raising a child. Spending quality time can be boiled down to two words – ef-fective communication. You can spend 24 hours of (quantity) time with your children and still emerge with an undesirable result, or you can spend 15 minutes of ef-fective communication resulting in raising your child’s self-worth.Rather than saying don’t, tell them what they can do:

Do yourself a favor and be more cooperative.Here, punch this pillow instead of your brother.

Think of it this way: when you hear, “Don’t think of a blue elephant,” what’s the first picture you put in your mind? So

it is with whatever follows don’t.Rather than saying no, say yes first:

Yes, you can have a piece of candy after dinner.Yes, you can go out with your friends

if we agree with where you’re going and what you’ll be doing.

Kids hear the word no, on average, 125,000 times from ages 2 through 22. How tiring do you think that becomes?Tell them what they can do in-stead of what they cannot do:You can learn to ride a bike.You can do it differently.

Can’t is a roadblock to emo-tional intelligence.Rather than asking why, ask how:How do you suppose you got yourself into this dilemma?How can you and I learn to get

along with one another?Why brings out the don’t, no, can’t; how

brings out the do, yes, can.Simply put, adjusting our words to

empower rather than impede can produce an emotionally healthy child within the confines of raising a family. Hugs!

Have a parenting topic or question? Submit it to Ask Yiayia, aka Becky Kapsalis, Certified Parent Coach, at [email protected] or call 810.9358.

Becky KapsalisAsk YiaYia

makE thE mESSagE PoSitivE

By Bryan UnruhCurrent in Carmel

Michael Ney isn’t just a tutor. He’s an educator.

Owner of the Tutoring Club, one of Carmel’s fast-est-growing commercial tutoring services, Ney says his primary goal is teaching. Profit comes second.

“I’m working with the schools, not against them,” he said. “I want to be a part of the educational process.”

His goals aren’t just words, either. Whenever a student joins, Ney donates $100 to his or her school. He supports Carmel athletics and performing arts. He spon-sors a number of Dads’ club teams and donates to several local churches.

“Basically, the mentality is, ‘If your kid is here, Mike is going to donate to the programs your kid is probably involved in,’ “ said Greg Sinise, the company’s local media representative.

Ney offers free tutoring sessions for students unable to achieve their goals in a pre-specified time period. He also or-ganizes picnics and get-togethers for his students’ families.

“We really feel like part of a small

family here,” said Kelly Tector, who has three children in the program.

Before opening the 10460 N. Michigan Rd Tutoring Club in January,

Ney was a longtime member of corporate America. Most recently, he worked as a franchise broker, pitching franchises to prospective buyers. Of the 230 he rep-resented, the Tutoring Club was his favorite.

Before that, he worked in performance improve-ment for 18 years. He says that job more than any-thing pushed him toward

education.“Performance improvement basically

means throwing people out of work,” he said. “One day, I decided I just didn’t want to live my life that way anymore. I wanted to build, not destroy.”

The Carmel Tutoring Club, which Ney says could be the first of many in the Indianapolis area, is one of more than 200 franchises nationwide. The company, founded in the mid-1980s by Larry Schwartz, has been named one of Entrepreneur Magazine’s fastest-growing franchises four straight years.

tutoRing club anothER bRanch oF local Education

MICHAEL NEY

Page 18: September 23, 2008

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O.k., Mr. Hottie, you’ve set up your online dating profile and you’re ready to rock and roll. Bring on the beautiful ladies and no more lonely Saturday

nights, right? Maybe not. Read on and if you are either of these dudes, maybe your profile could use a makeover.

Mr. I’m Too Sexy For My ShirtYou take off your shirt and

pose for the camera that you’ve placed on the toilet in your bath-room, press the timer button and presto! There you are, sporting your shirtlessness, flexing your muscles to show off your manli-ness to us hopeful single ladies.

Helpful hint: Leave your shirt on. Most women like a little left to the imagination. And unfor-tunately, your physique is not always as amazing as your mamma says it is.

Mr. El Camino ManPerhaps you take your camera outside

to where “she” is, your most-prized pos-session, your supped up, 1975 El Camino. You pose in front of her, sporting your half-unbuttoned shirt, the gold chain around your neck glistens in the sunlight and drapes over your hairy chest. This one will be your primary photo . . . the chicks

are so going to dig you.Helpful hint: I’m not a fan of the whole

guy in front of the car photo sort of thing, and so say many of my girlfriends who also date online. This applies to any car.

Are you trying too hard to be cool? Or are you thinking that material things will win us over? We’d rather see a man in a nice shirt or suit who flashes a kind and sincere smile at the camera. Besides, women really don’t care as much about cool cars as you do. Good job at impressing other men, but what are you doing to impress us?

Do men do the things they do because they go to other men for advice? I believe we all need same-sex friends, but if you were going to get your car, say, your El Camino, fixed, would you

take it to a Daewoo mechanic? You would take it where the experts are: El Camino’s R Us. Ask your female friends, your sister or your mom for online dating advice. But heavens to Betsy, don’t ask your roommate who is sitting on the couch, belching and eating week old Ding Dongs for advice.

Rachael Noble is a single Carmel resident and contributing columnist. She can be reached at [email protected].

Rachael NobleDATING

onlinE dating advicE FoR mEn

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Seattle-basedNordstrom unveiledits newest store lastThursday night at TheFashion Mall with agala benefit thatwouldn’t have endedunless the companyneeded to open forbusiness the next day.Current Publishing pho-tos show (clockwisefrom upper left) a gath-ering of Nordstromfamily members anddignitaries in theWomen’s Shoes Dept.,the apricot martinis thatwere among the food-and-beverage offerings,a free shoe shine,music from Intrigue anda server dishing it outon the main floor. Theevent, whose ticketprice was $125, raisedmore than $100,000 forarea charities and wasattended by more than1,000 impeccablyattired guests.

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Models or mannequins? Well, both, actually. Both levels of the newNordstrom just south of Carmel featured lives models in mannequin pose.See if you can find Current spouses Maggie Kelly and Sally Greenberg, whowere welcomed by the good-sport models and did their, um, best to fit in!

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8WINE LIST - QRW The Wine Magazine put together a list of the best California wines from a selection of over 800 readily available wines out of Cali. Here are the Best of Show winners in each category: Cabernet Sauvignon: 2005 Caymus, $70 and 2005 Kendall-Jackson Highland Estates “Napa Mountain,” $60; Red Blend: 2004 Joseph Phelps Insignis, $200; Zinfandel: 2004 Ridge “Lytton Springs,” $32; Syrah: 2005 Dutton-Goldfield “Dutton Ranch/Cherry Ridge Vineyard,” $35; Chardonnay: 2005 Foley “Rancho Santa Rosa”, $30; Pinot Noir: 2004 Sonoma Coast Vineyards, $57.

HIP HOP DANCE - The Monon Center is offering a Hip Hop dance class starting September 27. In this fast-paced, high-energy class, you’ll dance to upbeat music while learning all the latest, funky moves. You must wear comfortable clothes and tennis or jazz shoes. Visit www.carmelclayparks.com or call 848-7275 to register.

GREEN ICE - Chill your beverage in a “green” way with Nordic Rock Stone Ice Cubes. Made

from base rock mined from Sweden, this

set of 10 reusable rocks can be frozen (in leather

storage pouch) and placed into your drinks. Easy, clean, green!

YOU’LL BE FLOORED - Do your carpets need a refresher course? Here’s an easy, inexpensive way to freshen them up with household items you probably have in your pantry:

Carpet Freshener 1 cup crushed dried herbs (such as rosemary, southernwood, or lavender) 1 teaspoon ground cloves 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 2 teaspoons baking soda

Combine all the ingredients in a large jar or other container with a tight-fitting lid. Shake well to blend. Sprinkle some of the mixture on your carpet, let it sit for an hour or so, and then vacuum it up. It will give the room a pleasant smell and neutralize carpet odors.

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DISPATChESBy Barbara E. CohenCurrent In Carmel

Among the 155 artists participating in the Carmel International Arts Festival this weekend, Wendy Franklin shines like a jewel. Her earrings, pendants and rings of precious metal clay, or PMC, are tiny sculptures that reflect her passions for art and antiquities.

Visitors to CIAF will recognize Franklin – who describes herself as a Carmel hockey mom/artist – from previous years’ participation in the art fair. However, don’t look for her one-of-a-kind, hand-modeled Santa sculptures this year. Franklin has retired from the seasonal venture and broadened her artistic scope.

In searching for a medium she could sell at art fairs year-round, Franklin took a class last year at the Indianapolis Art Center. The results of her explorations – silver jewelry with a vintage style – will be for sale in her booth at CIAF.

“In making jewelry, I’m inspired by other works of art, such as ce-ramics or the recent Egyptian ex-hibit at the Indianapolis Museum of Art,” Franklin said. “However, you won’t see a direct reference. My pieces are abstractions of works that inspire me.”

Franklin continually sketches ideas, which she later uses to develop each dis-

tinctive piece. After firing each mini-sculp-ture, which includes silver reclaimed from the photography industry, she polishes it by hand or in a rock tumbler.

Sometimes, she applies a coating of liver

of sulfur, which darkens the silver finish. Usually, Franklin buffs off most of the dark finish, leaving a faux age-worn patina. Her pieces look like they could have been

recovered from the hold of a sunken Spanish galleon or a pirate’s treasure chest.

Luckily, you don’t need to spend a king’s ransom to own one of these exquisite works of art. For anywhere from $25 to

$125, one of her precious treasures can be yours. You’ll find a wide selection in her booth on South Range Line Road.

“Carmel is my favorite art fair for several reasons,” Franklin said. “First of all, it’s a wonderful atmo-sphere, and the buyers are great.”

Franklin also likes that there’s no admission fee, and the fair is small enough that people can stroll comfortably and take time to shop. Furthermore, they can think about an item overnight and return the second day to purchase it, if they need time to consider.

However, because each textured, funky piece is unique, Franklin cautions about waiting too long if a bracelet or ring catches your eye.

“I always regret when someone returns for a piece another buyer has already taken away,” she said.

Barbara E. Cohen is a freelance writer who covers the arts for the Current community newspapers and teaches art history at Ivy Tech Community College. Please send comments or story ideas to [email protected].

What: Little Shop of HorrorsWhen: Through SundayWhere: Indianapolis Civic Theatre at Marian College, 3200 Cold Spring Road, IndianapolisCost: $32Details: In Off-Broadway’s long-running musical hit, a down-and-out Skid Row floral assistant finds romance with an exotic plant with a mysterious craving. Seymour gains fame and fortune in exchange for feeding the plant’s growing appetite – with ensuing problems. A trio of female doo-wop street urchins provides melodic commentary on the action in this rock-meets-jazz musical. According to the New York Post, “This horticultural horror will have you screaming with laughter.”Info: 923-4597, www.civictheatre.org

FEStival FEatuRES itS oWn FRanklin mint

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Buy one dinner entréeGet the second half off

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Liquid Bourbon Ball

In recent conversations, both social and professional, the question of the chef ’s hat has come up as a curios-ity and topic of conver-

sation. Inevitably, I end up explaining the history behind the established white symbol of power and prestige as well as the meaning for the specif-ics in design and the symbol-ism of the scarf and collar ribbon colors.

For the past few hundred years, the chef ’s hat, or toque, as we know it today, has gone through an evolution begin-ning with a hat worn as a direct attempt to protect clergy and chefs alike throughout world history. The first recorded situation occurred during the Christian oppression period along with the fall of Constantinople. Preceding the fall of the city, which was known for its state-of-the-art culinary mastery, Turkish Muslims attempted to plunder the city and churches. The bishops, seeking shelter, hid in the kitchens, pretended to be cooks, as they wore hats that were similar to the chefs’ hats.

Originally the clergy wore only black, while the chefs wore gray. The city and empire were under siege and would soon fall. At this time the imperial chefs took refuge in the monaster-ies, as everything that was great about the city — the arts, free thinking and culinary superiority — was about to be destroyed, and the chefs were to be executed. In an effort to blend in easily, the chefs switched to the black hat. In this situation of sur-vival, the hats became interchangeable.

In the 15th century the chefs were op-pressed due to their creative tendencies, and again they took refuge in the catholic cathedrals. This time the clergy were wear-ing white, and the chefs changed color again.

A few centuries later, while King Henry the VIII dined, he found hair in his food.

The cooks were beheaded and French law was made that all chefs and cooks were required to wear hats while in the kitchen. Coincidentally during this time, the French were developing and implementing the kitchen brigade system, along with the foundations and recipes of modern day cooking. The final development of the toque was the lengthwise pleats on the hat for which there are two theories: there should be 100 pleats sym-bolizing 100 ways to cook an egg, or the more pleats, the longer the experience of the chef, and therefore, the more knowledge of cooking.

The use of the chef ’s hat has been consistent ever since the French era. No matter the kitchen, ethnic origin, or country, you will find hats on the cooks. Though not always a traditional toque, it is always a symbol of professional cooking and strict sanitation standards.

The following is a great recipe for a snack during football season that we often prepare in Champions, our sports bar and restaurant. Give it a whirl!

hot JalaPEno cRab diP1 lb can lump crabmeat1 tsp minced garlic1/3 cup chopped jalapenos¼ lb jalapeno jack cheese, grated1 tsp Worcestershire sauce1 tsp hot sauce½ tsp salt2/3 cup mayonnaise2 oz grated fresh parmesan

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine all ingredients except the parmesan in a mixing bowl; mix gently. Place in Pyrex oven-safe bowl and bake for 20 minutes. Remove from oven and top immediately with the parmesan cheese. Let sit for 5 minutes prior to serving. Serve with toasted sliced French bread, pita chips or flatbread.

Chef Michael R. Vlasich, CEC, AAC, is a Carmel resident and the executive chef at the Indianapolis Marriott Downtown. You may e-mail him at [email protected].

thE talE oF a tall toquE

Chef Michael Vlasich

Culinary Explorer

41 E. Washington St. IndianapolisPhone: 317-229-4700

Fax: 317-229-4704Website: www.mortons.com

Hours: Monday - Saturday 5:30 p.m. to 11 p.m.; Sunday: 5 p.m. to 10 p.m.

For 30 years, Morton’s has served only the finest quality foods, featuring USDA prime-aged beef, fresh fish and seafood, hand-picked produce and elegant des-serts. Morton’s steakhouse has plenty of delicious appetizers on their menu. From Jumbo Lump Crab Cakes to a Prime Ocean Platter big enough to be for two, four, or six, you could easily eat the delicious appetizers in place of your meal. Chicago-style bone-in Ribeye Steaks and their New York Strip are all classic cuts of steak done the way you like it. At Morton’s, reservations are encouraged. Entrees range from $24 to $44.

Chris Krull proprietor of Ted’s Montana Grill

Where he likes to eat? Romano’s Macaroni Grill

What he likes to eat there? Streak salad, a mixed green salad with balsamic vinaigrette and seared steak

What he likes about Romano’s Macaroni Grill. The management there is amazing, as are the servers.

Romano’s Macaroni Grill5720 W. 86th St.

Indianapolis, IN 46278Phone: (317) 337-0014

Hours: Sunday – Thursday: 11 a.m. - 10 p.m.; Friday – Saturday:

11 a.m. – 11 p.m.

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THEATRE:Kitty, Kitty, KittyTheatre on the Square is featuring Kitty, Kitty, Kitty by Noah Haidle, a purr-fectly funny tale about cloning on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays through Oct. 4. Friday and Saturday show times are 8 p.m. and Sunday show time is 5 p.m. Tickets are $25 for adults, and $20 for full-time students, military personnel and seniors. Visit www.tots.org or call 685-TOTS for more information or to order tickets.

EVENTS:John Caparulo at Crackers in Broad RippleFunnyman John Caparulo, who has made three appearances on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, has his own half-hour Comedy Central Presents and is now a part of Blue Collar Comedy: The Next Generation. He’ll be a Crackers at Broad Ripple (6281 N. College Ave.) Wednesday through Sunday. Wednesday Night is Ladies’

Night (ladies get in free), and Thursday night is College ID night, where students with current college IDs can get in for $5. Ticket prices are $8 - $18 with a two-item minimum. Call 255-4211 for more information.Jazz on the AvenueHead to the Madame Walker Theatre (617 Indiana Avenue, Indianapolis, 46202) for a refreshing Friday after-hours gathering for the entire family from 6 - 10 p.m. in the Grand Casino Ballroom on the fourth floor of the Walker Building. The evening’s atmosphere is filled with jazzy sounds and lots of southern-style food. Admission is $10 and an additional $10 for the buffet. This Friday will feature Sound of Essence. Call the Center at 317-236-2099 for more information.

LIVE MUSIC:Hip Harp JazztetJan Aldridge Clark, Jazz Harpist, will be playing at Bistro de Paris (9 W. Main Street, Carmel) Saturday from 7 to 10 p.m. Call 844-7270 or visit www.bistrodepariscarmel.com for more information.Muldoon’s 111 W. Main Street, Suite 100, CarmelThe Jeff DeHerdt Trio: Thursday from 6:30 to 9:30 p.m. Doug Henthorn: Saturday from 8 to 11 p.m.

Dr. AnDrew r. LAne, DDSFamily Focused Dentistry

proudly serves the Carmel Community

14747 Oak Road, Suite 400(conveniently located behind Stein Mart off 146th Street)

317-581-1200Visit us at www.lanedent.com

FREEChildren’s Identification Program

Sponsored by: Carmel Masons, Dr. Andrew R. Lane, DDS and the Carmel Police Department

Parents, bring your child this Saturday, September 27, 2008, 10 AM-3 PM

to the Masons Lodge, 310 1st Street NE, Carmel, (just west of Carmel High School) for their FREE Child Identification Kit.

Your child will receive, absolutely FREE: A tooth print bite impression, sample of their DNA, a brief video taped interview, and fingerprints.

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Exploring Emotional Eating Wednesdays, October 8–November 12

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Zumba!Wednesdays, August 27–October 1

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Olson Center for Wellness11495 N. Pennsylvania, Suite 100

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God shows up in funny places in American politics.

Republicans include God in politics, but that’s not always a good idea. Pray for wisdom,

sure. But the way churches fight about religious practices, worship and doctrines, they could never achieve consensus in government.

Democrats include God in politics when it fits a mo-mentary need, then go back to outlawing public prayer. Democrats can say outrageous things about religion and get away with it because hardly anybody thinks they under-stand what they are saying.

Feminists lost Hillary for president and now, dealing with family-values pitch-perfect Mrs. Palin, are losing their minds. Wanna-be philosopher celebrities spew daily in-vective against a caring mom and accom-plished, corruption-busting governor.

Then there’s the media, the wretched Fourth Estate (lowest caste) of the cul-tural order. Since Sarah Palin joined the Republican ticket, the media has proven it is absolutely and possibly irretrievably out of touch with the depth and breadth of Christian belief, intellect and – yes – kind-ness residing in majority America.

Actor Matt Damon – in an Associated Press video interview – grimaced and stam-mered as he contemplated the “bad Disney movie” horror of a potential Palin presi-dency. Damon vapidly posed, “does she

believe that dinosaurs were alive 4,000 years ago?” He really said that, smacking of what I perceive to be the unspoken epilogue, “like the rest of those nutty Christian Creationist right wing lunatics.”

I don’t remember Mrs. Palin ever mentioning dinosaurs. Damon’s implication was that, because of her faith, Mrs. Palin is stupid. I’m not sure when there were dinosaurs, but then I don’t “believe” in dinosaurs; dinosaurs as belief don’t matter.

I believe in Christ; Christ mat-ters. Mrs. Palin thinks integrity matters. The media thinks Matt

Damon matters.Mrs. Palin’s pregnant teenage daughter?

She is accepted and loved by her family, her church, most of America, and of course, by God.

Only the Democrats, feminists, celebri-ties and media seem to be angry with her.

Bob Walters ([email protected]), a closet politi-cal junkie, thanks Mrs. Palin for her candor, her faith, and for finally making this year’s election interesting. You go, girl.

Bob WaltersSpirituality

PoliticS and god’S FunnY bonE

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BATTERY BACK-UP - In case of a real emergency, being able to charge your flashlight with a kit that’s powered by one measly Medis fuel cell may be a lifesaver. Reportedly, the cell in the Medis 24-7 Power Pack can provide enough power for the flashlight to be used for up to six weeks. A simple “squeeze, plug and go,” this portable system has enough power to drive most handheld devices when the battery is nearly depleted. It works with most PDAs, smartphones, MP3 players, digital cameras and GPS devices. It’s only $29.99, which is a small price to pay to have emergency power, and the eco-friendly device is designed to be recycled.

-www.popgadget.net

WEBCAM FOR TRAVEL - If you need to have a webcam with you on trips for one reason or another, and you don’t want to add to the weight of your laptop case (and you don’t have a cam on their notebook), you might want to check out this tiny USB webcam. The USB Notebook Retractable WebCam 2 probably isn’t the highest quality cam on the market; however, it’s one of the smallest. What really makes this little device shine is the retractable cord. While that might not seem like a big deal, just imagine trying to wrap up the USB cord on your average webcam. Another bonus? It retails for around $21.

-www.ohgizmo.com

CLEAN, EASY NUTCRACKER - This particular nut cracker

was designed by Ineke Hans in 2007. Simply insert the nuts into the container and twist the lid to crack. The lid is double-sided, with a shallow

side for large nuts and a deeps side

for small nuts. The shells stay in the container for

easy clean-up.

-www.cooking-gadgets.com

Many of us have been seeing an increase of spam in our Inboxes that is written in Russian, and you may be, as well.

If all we English-speaking Internet users are getting these messages, the logical question then becomes “what kind of a spammer sends messages to millions of people who don’t have a clue what the mes-sages say?”

Well, since the spammer is not paying for the send-ing of each message through a legitimate

commercial entity (they usually get sent via compromised computers or networks of computers referred to as “botnets”), they don’t care who gets what, as long as they go to real e-mail addresses.

As with English-based spam, don’t click on any links or open any attachments as-sociated with the Russian messages and continue to delete them as they come in.

Earlier this year, in an article published on PCWorld.com, Russia was identified by several anti-malware organizations as

being one of the top producing malware countries in the world (China is another large contributor to the mess –- watch for an increase in Chinese spam if you aren’t already getting it).

This means that malicious users in Russia are infecting large numbers of computers around the Internet and pull-ing them into silent networks of infected machines that then send out Russian spam and malware without the owner of the

computer realizing it (a.k.a botnets).The fear of the unknown is a good thing

and will serve you well in avoiding any at-tempts at exploiting your computer in for-eign languages. In other words, just delete them. Don’t open them.

Gary Hubbard is Owner of Data Doctors Computer Services - www.datadoctors.com Have a technology question? Send it to [email protected]

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DISPATChES

Gary HubbardTechnology

bEWaRE oF SPam With a hint oF RuSSian

Fine Lines, Inc.Hair & Nail Salon

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By Christi Thompson

The ’70s are alive and well again, not only in some clothing and hairstyle trends, but in sunglasses. Sunglasses are a no fuss way to update your look, no matter the

season.Today we are seeing the popularity of

heavy plastic frames rise, as well as the so-cialite look of the large lenses (think Jackie Kennedy). You can also never go wrong with a pair of Top Gun inspired aviators.

A lens trend that will be especially prominent through fall/winter ’08-’09 will be gradient lenses. Look for lenses that travel from black to clear on the bottom.

Style-eyeS your lenSeS

Dark lips are back this sea-son! Remember, however, instead of going for old Hol-lywood glam with a matte lipstick, think more of a sultry, slick, patent leather-inspired look. This is easy to achieve by applying a layer of gloss over your favorite deep colored lip tint.

For a more permanent color remedy, LipSense lip colors may be the way to go. This line offers a wide array of

colors from nudes and neu-trals to deeper bricks and pinks. The color can last up to eight hours while you only have to reap-ply the gloss occasion-ally throughout the day. The super-slick look of LipSense Glossy gloss will put you right on this sea-son’s lip trend forefront. Stop in and see us for your complimentary color matching session today!

lipStick lounge

By Christi Thompson

Mad HatterHats make a great fashion statement, but when

you wear a hat you want a hair style that still looks good when the hat comes off. There is no reason to shy away from this chic accessory because of the fear of “hat head.” The solution? A classic half-up/half-down look that might remind you of your schoolgirl days is a perfect resting place for your hat because it will not leave room for “hat head.” If you are still unsure, pack a comb and travel hairspray in

your bag as extra insurance on your post-hat ’do.Jewels

As we have seen, large jewelry has been a staple item in recent fashion mags and on the runways. Eye catching pieces, such as a one-of-a-kind cocktail ring, large cuffs in a bright color, or an ethnic neck-lace are essentials for this season.

Brighten up your wardrobe and update your look with some show-stopping jewelry. Beware, however, large jewelry pieces are meant to be worn alone. Pick one piece and stick with it. Two or more pieces will be overkill.

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IN VOGUEConsignment Boutique

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Fall FashionFrenzyClip this ad for savingsCoupons & other offers not applicable

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Donated Warehouse SpaceWe need 5,000–15,000 square feet in the Carmel/Nora/Castleton area. We have outgrown the 2,000 square feet we now use in the Carmel United Methodist Church mission house.

Household itemsYour donations of new or gently used household items (lamps, pots & pans, sheets & towels, dishes, etc.) will give them a Second Start. We will pick up, and a drop-off site is available, too. (Please, no clothing or furniture.)

Financial SupportWe deliver to more than 600 families a year, and gas prices have affected us just like everyone else.

Visit us on the web at www.secondstarts.org or call 317-569-0089.

Our mission is to supply basic housewares, without cost, to qualified families and individuals who have been homeless and

are now ready for a Second Start at independent living.

Second Starts Needs Your Help!

MOOD RING - Remember those rings that were supposed to change color with your mood? Well it turns out that your mood can actually change with color. If you’re looking to paint a room or two in your house, consider how you want to feel in that room. Red and violet will boost your energy, so they’re perfect colors for home offices, entryways, small sitting rooms and staircases. Green and yellow tend to make you happy and upbeat; either is terrific for playrooms or children’s rooms. Blue soothes and calms, making it ideal for bedrooms or bathrooms; just stay away from bright hues, which may stimulate more than calm.

-Health

TAPERED HEELS AND FRINGE - The hottest shoes on the runway are shifting away from skinny stilettos and toward thicker, but still tapered heels. Elle.com features a slide show

of great designs for Fall ranging in price from just under $100

to nearly $700, and almost every pair they highlight sports the tapered heel. They note that the tapered heel on oxford-style shoes is hot for Fall. Also in fashion: fringe. It’s not just for moccasins anymore.

-www.elle.com

LET THERE BE LIGHT - If you are adding on to your older home or just updating with new windows, there are a couple of things you should keep in mind. First, if the space you have is tall and deep, you’ll want to draw in natural light using transom windows. Angling walls and windows will allow more outside in. Don’t be tempted, however, to select huge plate-glass windows; they tend not to blend with the style of an older home, and they leave little wall space for art. They also limit privacy greatly.

-Money

BRING ON THE DRESSES - If the runways have shown anything this season, it’s that the dress is still in. As long as you don’t wear an Empire-line smock (so over, it’s dead and buried), all dresses have a place in your wardrobe. The summer flower patterns have morphed into graphics and color blocks. Dresses to die for are sculpted in a three-dimensional oval shape above and below the waist, with a belt right there around the middle.

-Harper’s Bazaar

Color changes things visually and is tightly connected with meanings and feelings.

Consider walking onto a car lot and finding two cars that are

identical in every feature other than color. One is black, and the other is yellow. The black car will probably appear more distinguished than the yellow one. There is a good chance the yellow car will sit on the lot, labeled a lemon.

The same holds true for inte-rior color. A message about taste is revealed with color selections. There is power in color.

The strips and decks of color chips seem, on the surface, like a source of infinite choice. For the sake of this column, just consider that colors that are rep-resented in color decks.

For 95 percent of the interior color situations, we can throw out the bright or clean colors. This leaves the muted or neu-tral tones, the colors which are mixed with black or umber to grey them down for a richer, more-complicated color.

Most homeowners can find a perfectly fine color within the predetermined hues that are represented by these computer-generated color chips. However, there are times that the color just isn’t there.

The symptom of this is stacks and stacks of chips laid out on the kitchen table. These are stacks that range from blues to greens or raspberry to russet. The cause is not indecision. The correct color just isn’t

there.A way to morph these chips

into the perfect color is to relax and identify two almost colors. Almost colors are hues that have been tested on poster board with the same sheen that will be used in the finished room. Remember, testing right on the wall is the direct path to disaster. Color perception can be contaminated by the close proximity if it is viewed on the same surface.

Also, look at wall color as you would see it on the wall, which is vertically.

I recently had a success with a custom color when my client had a Goldilocks experience. The first color, Retreat by Sherwin Williams, was a bit too green and Aqua Smoke by Porter was a bit too blue. A 50-50 mix of the two colors provided a hue that was just right for our project. We had the color matched by computer at the paint store, and the recipe was logged under their name for future reference.

Mixing your paints to achieve a hue that is distinctively yours just requires a few

plastic containers with lids and two quarts of almost colors in the correct sheen. Changing sheen can change the way you perceive your color.

Fill the container with half of each color leaving enough space to shake. The critical part is an even dispersion of the tones. When the color differentiation streaks have disappeared, test this newly developed color on, you guessed it, poster board.

If it is a winner, you have developed a color that is yours and only yours.

But before you go to the paint stores and ask them to do the mixing for you, please reconsider. Paint stores are set up to mix their preset colors based on their reci-pes. Most are willing to tweak colors on the spot, but mixing is above and beyond the call of duty.

Vicky Earley is the principal designer for Artichoke Designs in downtown Carmel. If you have an interior design question, please contact [email protected].

Vicky EarleyDesign

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2008 HAIR BALL - This family-friendly, fund-raising event includes food, wine, beer and soft drinks; live music; children’s activities; and live and silent auctions. The Hair Ball takes place at The Robert Irsay Pavilion, 116th and Ditch Rd. in Carmel, and will be on Oct. 4, from 3 to 6:30 p.m. All proceeds benefit Spay-Neuter Services of Indiana. If you’d like to attend or donate, register at IndyHairBall.org or mail checks payable to SNSI to: Hair Ball HQ, 3619 N. Pennsylvania St., Indianapolis 46205. The cost is $15/person or $45/person for Snipper Society. Event coordinators hope to raise $25,000 this year.

SQUIRREL SOLUTIONS - Do you have squirrel problems? Try these solutions:

1. Place birdfeeders at least 8 feet off the ground and away from trees or structures.

2. Buy birdfeeders equipped with squirrel “bafflers.” These devices hang below birdfeeders and prevent squirrels from getting to the birds. They are most effective when placed on newly located feeders.

3. Cap chimneys where squirrels like to live. Regularly check roofs and attics for any holes and gaps and seal them immediately (making sure no squirrels are trapped inside).

4. If you do have a squirrel nesting in your chimney or attic, try frightening it away by playing loud music. After you are certain the squirrel has fled and there are no babies left behind, seal the area.

- www.americanhumane.org

By Michele AlexanderCurrent In Westfield

Clicker training is a popular method used to train dogs and other animals, including cats, horses and dolphins. A clicker is a small handheld device that pro-duces an audible “click” when activated. The basics of clicker training are relatively simple: get the wanted behavior, use the clicker to mark the wanted behavior, and then reinforce the wanted behavior with a reward. Unwanted behaviors can also be reduced with this type of training through a lack of reinforcement.

Getting your dog to do what you want him/her to do with clicker training may be relatively simple. However, understanding why your dog responds the way he does just might require you to dig out your Psychology 101 text book.

Clicker training is based on the concept of Operant Conditioning. The dog learns from his environment by associating a be-

havior with a consequence. Consequences that increase the desired behavior are termed reinforcers and consequences that reduce the behavior are called punishers. Consequences must be immediately linked to the behavior with a click and rewarded with a treat or praise. With clicker train-ing, you actually teach the dog exactly what he must do to earn his reward by marking the behavior.

Classical Conditioning associates a neu-tral stimulus with an antecedent condition until the stimulus elicits a certain response – think Pavlov’s dog. Pavlov measured the salivary response of dogs when presented with food. He then began to ring a bell prior to the presentation of the food. Eventually, ringing the bell elicited the salivary response in the dog even in the absence of food. Classical conditioning results in a habitual behavior whereas op-erant conditioning results in a purposeful behavior.

For more information on clicker train-ing, consult the book “Clicker Training for Dogs” by Karen Pryor or research vari-ous dog training methods at www.apdt.com, the website of the Association of Professional Dog Trainers.

Michele is the owner of Camp Bow Wow Carmel. You may reach her at [email protected].

DISPATChES clickERS alWaYS a tRaining oPtion

FOR THE LOVE OF DOGS, A DOG BAKERYISABELLE SAYS:

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Oreo is an 8-year-old female black and white DSH. Oreo is spayed, and her claws have been removed from all four paws. Oreo has been very reserved and even scared since arriving at the shelter. Oreo wants to be the only pet in the home, which is understandable in her situation. She will need a patient person or family willing to give her some time and space to adjust to a new home because she has certainly faced quite a bit of stress lately. Oreo also qualifies for our P.A.W.S. Program.

Dunkin is a 9-year-old male American Bulldog mix. Dunkin is a big boy who is a little thick through the middle -- maybe he is just big boned! He is a happy and social boy who likes to play with toys and he loves being the recipient of lots of affection. Dunkin is neutered and housetrained and although he gets along well with children, he would be best suited in a home with children over the age of 10 who can handle his energy and strength. Dunkin qualifies for our P.A.W.S. Program – Partnering Animals With Seniors. If you are 55 or older, please contact the shelter to find out how you can adopt Dunkin for a reduced fee.

PEtS oF thE WEEkA Mother and A Daughter

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iNitiAl situAtioN: The owners of this mid-1980s Carmel custom home had decided against buying a new home, opting instead to invest in re-modeling the kitchen and adjoining laundry room of their current home. The overall look of the kitchen was outdated. The owners wanted to upgrade and improve the look without completely replacing the cabinets. Finally, the adjoining laundry room was also in need of updating and needed more storage.DEsigN phAsE: The overall solution was to remove the drywall bulkheads above the cabinets and upgrade all the finishes in the kitchen. The removal of the bulkheads cre-ated a much more open feel to the kitchen. The seldom-used desk was replaced with a new bar area with under-counter refrigerator. New lighting and a tile backsplash complete-ly changed the look of the kitchen. The existing island cabinetry was salvaged, but was transformed through decorative glazing and painting and the addition of new corbel supports.pRojEct schEDulE: The project design phase included several meetings with the client and the project designer to create the vision. Multiple visits

to showrooms were used to finalize the selection of tile, appliances, countertops, moldings and plumbing fixtures. The initial design phase started in May, the

construction contract was signed in June and construction began in July and lasted ap-proximately six weeks.fiNAl pRoDuct: The final product is shown in the “after” photos. The removal of the existing wallpaper and bulkheads and the new drywall patching and wall painting gave the kitchen an updated and refreshed look. The addition of the tile backsplash and under-cabinet lighting is a nice accent to the new granite countertops. The island cabinets were painted and glazed with an off-white base color with dark brown accents. New Venetian Gold granite countertops coordinate nicely with the hardwood floors, cinnamon stained maple cabinets and new cabinet hard-ware. All appliances were upgraded, and the

existing hardwood floors were refinished to complete the job.

Have a remodeling question? Ask Larry Greene, owner of Case Handyman & Remodeling. You may e-mail him at [email protected] or call 846-2600.

New KitcheN/LauNdry room remodeL

Larry Greene

AftER

bEfoRE

That is STAY HOME. BE MOVED...

WHAT’S YOur STOrY?Congratulations, Robin and Judy! Enjoy the s’mores, wine and celebration package we sent.Tell us about your favorite space . . . whether it’s outside or in. You might get a goodie basket, too!

landscapes l patios l water l fire l porches l remodeling l handyman

“I’ve been transformed to an outside girl with this awesome new space. Thank you, SURROUNDINGS.” Robin PeteRson

“My high schoolers have friends over to sit, talk, and make s’mores around the

fire. They love it! My husband and I have entertained around the fire with wine and appetizers and wonderful conversation. It

truly is relaxing.” Judy PaRas

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bRidgE thE gaP hooSiER hodgEPodgE

caRmElku

Use logic to fill in the boxes so every row, column and 2 x 3 box contains the letters C-A-R-M-E-L. Answer below.

Answers to bRiDgE thE gAp: ink, maRk, PoP, maRvin, choWdER, u, SPacE, nESt, kEEP, Smith

Answers to hoosiER hoDgEpoDgE: cards: acE, dEucE, Jack, JokER, king, quEEn; groups: FRuitS, gRainS, mEat, milk, vEgEtablES; cities: bRiSbanE, caiRnS, PERth, SYdnEY; mayors: ballaRd, goldSmith, hudnut; Songs: gEoRgia on mY mind, StaRduSt; “Freddie:” REd SkElton

The doorbell rang the other day, and Bob rang it. Bob is a good friend — maybe a little bit too good, in my opinion. He and his wife, Cathy, spend a lot of time

helping the poor and the needy, and I find it difficult to have friends who are better human beings than I am.

There was a time in my life when I only hung out with greedy, dishonest people because it made me feel mor-ally superior, but after a while I got tired of cancelling my credit cards and replacing the locks on my doors.

Bob goes to garage and yard sales every week and buys pants for the homeless. He plots out every-thing on a map, then makes a big sweep of the neighborhoods. He gets the pants really cheap — sometimes for free — by explaining to the sellers exactly who the merchandise is for.

When Bob walked in the door, he asked if I had any pants I could donate. In my haste to associate myself as a good-deed doer, I scrambled up the stairs to my bed-room, tore open the closet door and swept about a dozen pairs off the rack.

Bob gathered up his cache and headed out. The next day I got a letter from the mission, thanking me for donating all the pants. I am going to frame the note even though I think it probably pales in comparison to the thank-yous that Mother Teresa and Albert Schweitzer had hanging in their dens.

That night, my wife and I were headed out for a bite to eat and I shuffled through my closet looking for my cuffed khakis with the double belt loops and pleats. “Mary Ellen, have you seen those pants I usually wear when we go out?”

“You mean those pants you’ve been wearing for three decades? I have no idea where they are. I was hoping you gave then to Bob even though I think the homeless deserve better.”

I panicked. In everyone’s wardrobe there is that favorite pair of pants: the ultimate texture, the ideal color, the ones where the pant leg breaks at your shoe just exactly where it should. The ones where the waist is not too snug and not too loose. I could tell you about how roomy they are in the crotch, but this paragraph is already start-ing to sound creepy enough.

I had to face what had happened: in my generosity, I had inadvertently given away the only pair of pants I owned that met the platonic ideal of trouserness. Without hesitation, I picked up the phone. “Bob, I

don’t know how to tell you this, but I need to get back one of the pairs of pants I gave you.”

“Dick, I already sent them to a mission.”“Now I have my own mission. I must

have those pants back.”“Why?”“Let’s just say they were my lucky

pants.”“Well, your luck just ran out. What

made them so lucky?”“I’ve had them for 30 years.”

“Wow, that’s even before you were married.”

“I know. That’s the last time I got lucky in them.”

“I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do, Dick. They went to a good cause.”

“Look, I’ll give you three designer suits, a pair of Gucci loafers and an Yves Saint Laurent silk tie for those pants.”

“No, I’m afraid that just wouldn’t work. I generally don’t distribute clothing to people as they are leaving the opera.

“How about a lovely navy skirt with matching designer heels?”

“That must be from a phase in your life I’m unfamiliar with.”

Only a desperate man would barter his wife’s clothing. Frantic, I scoured my closet for a new favorite pair of pants — in search of a fitting way to end this column.

Dick Wolfsie is an author, columnist, and speaker. Contact him at [email protected].

Dick WolfsieHumor

oFF-thE-cuFF REmaRkS

Page 31: September 23, 2008

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I just got off the phone with the fun folks at the credit card company, trying to straighten out a multi-thousand dollar mess that happened when SOMEONE misplaced a

comma. If you have any doubt about that someone’s identity, let me give you a hint: You’ll notice I did not go into banking as a career.

Here’s the deal: A few days ago, one of the organizations I belong to offered a no-fee credit card at zero interest for the next year and change. “Good deal,” I thought. “I can transfer the balance of my XYZ card into this new one and pay off the whole shebang without paying interest.” It seemed like a good idea at the time.

I’ve said that before. A lot.Those red-and-silver platform shoes I

bought in 1973 seemed like a good idea at the time. I had to rethink it when I fell out of them, though.

The basket-case motorcycle I ac-quired with the in-tention of restoring it? Good idea at the time. Bad idea when it came to actually putting it together. Good idea when I finally pawned it off on someone else, though.

The 1968 MGB? Great idea until I got it 10 miles down the road and discovered the leak-

ing tires, the dying fuel pump and the I’ll-work-when-I’m-good-and-ready electrical system. Of course, all MGs had that elec-trical system, but still ...

OK, so you can see I’ve had some expe-rience here. Back, then, to the bank.

I filled out the paperwork (well, actu-

ally, screenwork since I did it online) and hit the send button, unaware that I had mistyped the amount to transfer and in doing so, increased it by about 300 percent. This meant I had a whopping overpayment on the old account and had maxed out the new account the first day. Imagine my surprise when I took a look at my account online.

When I regained consciousness, I dialed what I thought was the 800 number on the card. Seems I mistook and 8 for a 6. More about that later.

The second try got me connected to the bank, and its automated answering system which did not include an option that sounded remotely helpful: “If you want to check your balance, press 1; if you want to ask about a charge, press 2; if you want an additional card, press 7; if you want to increase your limit, press 9; if you want to know what the weather is like in Mitchell, S.D., press *23; if you want to know what I’m having for lunch, stay on the line and

I’ll tell you in a minute.”I pressed 0, which resulted in a human

being answering, somewhere, and soon enough the problem was fixed. The young person on the end of the line said she envied me, having that kind of money to move around. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was just finagling a messed-up credit account with Monopoly money.

So the day turned out all right, even that misdialed 800-number phone call. An extremely friendly woman named Jasmine answered and explained what she could do for me. Judging by what she offered, I don’t think she was a banker.

I declined. It seemed like a good idea, and that time, I think I was right.

Mike Redmond is an author, journalist, humorist and speaker. Write him at [email protected] or P.O. Box 44385, Indianapolis, IN 46244. For information on speaking fees and availability, visit www.spot-lightwww.com.

Mike RedmondHumor

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