Attachment and LearningSession 3 – Strategies

Emotion Coaching

The Emotion Coaching Project

• Research aim:

‘To support the development of resilience and community well-being by integrating emotion coaching into everyday practice in work with children and young people’

EMOTION COACHING

• Part 1

Why do we need it?• Part 2

What is it?• Part 3

How do we do it?

PART 1Why we need emotion coaching The anatomy and physiology of Emotions

What informs Emotion Coaching?

• Neuroscientific evidence

• Emotions & Vagal Tone

• Attachment theory & Empathy

(Siegel, 2012)

Our brains

The Connectome- neuronal network linking up the areas of brain

Denser network = quicker, faster, more reliable connections because ‘the sum of the parts is

better than the parts alone’

Plasticity –the ability to adopt and adapt to stimulus

Neuronal networks are continuously shaped by genetic, environmental and experiential stimulus and

strengthened through repetition. Brain plasticity reduces as we age

Mirror Neurones- encode information about the external world and goal-directed behaviour

They enable humans to emulate others and thereby empathise & understand intent– essential

for the socialization of children

Emotional Responses

Distress Fear Surprise Anger Disgust Joy

Innate , hardwired and universal

The Double Act

Networks between amygdala and frontal lobes (OMPFC, anterior cingulate, insula) involved with fear conditioning, emotional regulation and attachment schema

More connections between amygdala and frontal lobes than any other part of brain

“The vagal system allows us to maintain continued social engagement by modulating and fine-tuning sympathetic arousal during emotional interpersonal exchanges” (Cozolino, 2006: 61)

The Vagus Nerve: Runs from the brain throughout the body and acts on all organs

Vagal Tone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GdALwuYtG8&feature=related Good Vagal Tone Highly responsive:

• Respond quicker, process information faster, concentrate better

• More appropriate and effective responses to stimuli

• Return faster to a normal ‘resting state’

Poor Vagal Tone Low responsiveness: • Responds and process

information not as quickly, less able to concentrate.

• Less appropriate and effective responses to stimuli

• Difficulty returning to normal ‘resting state

How does Emotion Coaching work with the brain and body?

1. Provides a stimulus for triggering the vagus nerve

2. Triggers an empathic mirror system3. Helps child to feel safe and calm down4. Provides a narrative for connecting

emotional and cognitive processes5. Stimulates neural connections

between amygdala/limbic system and frontal lobes (especially OMPFC and corpus callosum)

6. Creates a process of co-regulation and ‘repair’ (helping implicit memories become explicit)

Helps child to learn to self-sooth

Helps child to learn to self-regulate

Helps child to learn to resolve problems

Helps child to learn they can survive adversity (or thwarted wishes/desires/needs)

Helps child to learn about empathy and pro-social behaviour

PART 2What is emotion coaching?

• Based on research by John Gottman (1997) in America• CLIP - http://www.gottman.com/48995/Parenting.html

• Research suggests it is a key to happy, resilient, and well-adjusted children and young people

Emotion coaching is helping children and young people to understand the different emotions they

experience, why they occur, and how to handle them

Safe Haven Secure Base

Relative dependency Independence

• External Frameworks

External regulation

(Sanctions and Rewards)

• Internal Frameworks

Internal regulation

(Emotion Coaching)

Emotion Coaching

5 Steps of emotion coaching

1. Be aware of child’s responses2. Recognize emotional times as

opportunities for intimacy and teaching3. Listen empathetically and validate

child’s feelings4. Help child to verbally label emotions –

helps sooth the nervous system and recovery rate

5. Set limits while helping child to problem-solve

What this means in practice

STEP 1Recognising, empathising, validating the feelings and labelling themSTEP 2 (if needed)Setting limits on behaviourSTEP 3Problem-solving with the child/young person

Emotion coaching involves:• Teaching children/young people about

the world of emotion ‘in the moment’• Giving children strategies to deal with

ups and downs• Accepting negative emotions as

normal• Using moments of negative behaviour

to as opportunities for teaching• Building trusting and respectful

relationships with children/young people

Emotion coaching is a set of processes that includes . . .

talking to the child about the emotionshelping the child to verbally label the emotions

being feltrespecting and accepting the child’s emotionsdiscussing the situations that elicited the

emotions having goals and strategies for coping with

these situations (Gottman, 1997)

Lessons learntTo empathizeTo read others’ emotions and

social cuesTo control impulses

(self-sooth and self-regulate)To delay gratificationTo motivate themselvesTo cope with life’s ups and downs

(be resilient)

• To pay attention!

When it goes wrongChildren who are not emotion coached:• Lack the ability to self-sooth• Are less able to control their emotions• Find alternative outlets for

dealing with their emotions• Are less sensitive to social cues• Have more trouble with school work• Have more trouble getting along

with other children• Have more behaviour problems with

teachers• Have more stress-related hormones• Have more illnesses (Gottman, 1997;Goleman, 1995)

How schools can help• “Schools are becoming emotional buffering

zones for the growing number of children hurt by divorce, poverty, and neglect” (Goleman, 1995)

• Neurological resilience to self-sooth is fostered by the emotional climate in the classroom

Emotion coaching recognises thatEQ matters more than IQ

Feelings MatterWatch this clip:Are you disrespecting me?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zV1zK8zRCPo&feature=channel (3 min Lauren in the French class)

Whilst watching:Identify the feelings going on underneath the behaviour ina) The pupilb) The teacher

The importance of a meta-emotion philosophy(Gottman, 1997)

Emotion Coaching Style

“Much of today’s popular advice ignores the world of emotions. Instead, it relies on child-rearing theories that address the children’s behaviour, but disregard the feelings that underlie that behaviour” (Gottman, 1997)

Building a Power Base“Proposing solutions before empathising is like trying to build the frame of a house before you lay a firm foundation” (Gottman)

•Emotional first aid is needed first•In this way, emotion coaching builds a power base that is an emotional bond•This creates a safe haven, a place of trust, a place of respect, a place of acceptance, a sense of self etc.•This in turn leads to children and young people giving back respect, acceptance of boundaries etc.

What Emotion Coaching is NOT…

• A quick fix

• A panacea

• A substitute for

specific interventions

• A therapy

It is also not disapproving or dismissing of emotions

Disapproving style • Disapproves of negative emotions – viewed as a sign of weakness, lack of control, unconstructive• Lacks empathy, noticeably critical and intolerant• Tries to get rid of negative emotions via discipline,

reprimand, punishment• Focuses on the behaviour rather than the emotions

generating the behaviour• More likely to view negative emotional displays as a

form of manipulation, lack of obedience, sign of bad character

• Often motivated by need to control and regain power and/or to ‘toughen up’ child

Dismissing style

• Despite good intentions (wants to make child feel

better) but is uncomfortable with negative emotions

• Views negative emotions as toxic and so must be

‘got over quickly’

• Considers paying attention to such emotions will make them worse, prolong them

• Tries to stop negative emotions by reducing/ minimising/ making light of their importance/significance

e.g. it’s no big deal, don’t worry about it, be a big girl, that’s

life, you’ll be fine

• Often motivated by need to rescue and make things better, fix the problem e.g. have a biscuit, I’ll buy a new one, you need to do this

• Focuses on getting rid of the emotion with logic or distraction rather than understanding the feelings

What we think about disapproving and dismissing messages to child….

“It works so it must be good!” BUT the actual message is…..

•What you are feeling is not right, your assessment of the problem is wrong, you must not feel this way•Child does not learn to trust own feelings affecting decision-making•Not given opportunities to experience emotions and deal with them effectively so grow up unprepared for life’s challenges•Not given opportunities to self-regulate or problem-solve•Can lead to suppression of natural emotions, less or lack of self-regulation, reliance on distraction to get rid of emotion•Generates more negative feelings - resentment, guilt, shame, anger

The cross we bear

Emotion Coaching DisapprovingHigh empathy Low empathyHigh guidance High guidance

Laissez Faire DismissiveHigh empathy Low empathyLow guidance Low guidance

Visit www.talaris.org/spotlight_parenting_styles.htm

Emotion Coaching messages• We all have feelings and need to recognize them in

ourselves as well as others

• We are not alone and we are accepted, supported, valid, cared about, understood, trustworthy and respected – this is then returned

• We are empowered and it’s safe to engage in problem-solving

• All feelings are normal but need to be regulated and expressed constructively

• Problems and conflicts can be resolved peacefully!

Part 3How do we do Emotion Coaching?

• Having emotional awareness of own emotions (Meta-Emotion Philosophy) “Put on your oxygen mask first before putting it on the child”

• Recognising the power and purpose of emotions• Empathising• Active listening/Rapport building• Scaffolding /Problem solving together• Role-modelling

Emotion Coaching

STEP 1Recognising, empathising, validating the feelings and labelling themSTEP 2 (if needed)Setting limits on behaviourSTEP 3Problem-solving with the child/young person

The three steps

Instead of denying the feeling ….

Empathise, validate, label…

Step 1- Empathise, validate and label• Recognise all emotions as being natural and normal and not always a matter of

choice• Recognise behaviour as communication (relational vs behavioural model)• Look for physical and verbal signs of the emotion being felt• Take on the child’s perspective (mentalising/mind-mindedness)• Use words to reflect back child’s emotion and help child/young person to label

emotion• Affirm and empathise, allowing to calm down• Provide a narrative/translation for the emotional experience (creating cognitive links)

Emotion Coaching Scripts

• ‘I can see that you get angry when that happens. I would feel angry if that happened to me. It’s normal to feel like that’

• ‘I can see you’re frowning and you’re kicking the wall and you’re expressing a lot of energy. I would be feeling like that too if I didn’t want to do something’

• ‘I noticed you looking around at the other who are working on their projects. I think you might be feeling nervous right now about whether your work will be ok. Have I got that right?’

Step 1: Examples

Step 2 : Setting Limits (if needed)

• State the boundary limits of acceptable behaviour• Make it clear certain behaviours cannot be accepted• But retain the child’s self-dignity (crucial for responsive behaviour

and well-being)

Emotion Coaching Scripts Step 2: Examples

• ‘These are the rules that we have to follow. Doing that is not ok’

• ‘We can’t behave like that even though you are feeling annoyed because it is not safe’

• ‘You didn’t put the ball away as we agreed. You’re probably angry that you can’t play with Billy now because you have to stop now’

Step 3: Problem solving with the child• When the child is calm and in a relaxed, rational state:• Explore the feelings that give rise to the

behavior/problem/incident • Scaffold alternative ideas and actions that could lead to more

appropriate and productive outcomes• Empower the child to believe s/he can overcome difficulties

and manage feelings/behaviour

Emotion Coaching ScriptsStep 3: Examples

• ‘This is not a safe place to be angry. Let’s go to a safe place and then we can talk’

• ‘Next time you’re feeling like this, what could you do? How do you think you will react next time or if this happens again’

• ‘You need to sit either by Ruth or sit by your key adult in front of me – which do you want to do?’

Emotion coached children….

Achieve more academically in schoolAre more popularHave fewer behavioural

problems Have fewer infectious illnesses Are more emotionally

stableAre more resilient

CASE STUDYSecondary School Teacher

A Moment in time:

• Regularly came to school emotionally charged

• Argumentative/disruptive/ sabotage class

• Escalate to huge tantrums, scream, swear, slam doors, walk out, etc.

• My approach: punish and reprimand

My ‘Teacher’ Perspective

‘I felt the need to punish negative behaviour because my own experiences of school taught me that that regains control and establishes authority’.

Research shows teachers perceive a need to be punitive in an attempt to stop problematic behaviour (Liljequist & Renk, 2007)

My Teacher Perspective

My initial concerns

• I felt it seemed weak, it seemed to put the child in control

• Was it condoning or encouraging the behaviour I wanted her to stop?

Gottman’s Coaching

• “Negative feelings dissipate when children can talk about their emotions, label them and feel understood”

• “Children need to understand that their feelings are not the problem, their behaviour is”

Happy ever after …• Once I adopted an emotion coaching approach she

started to slowly change her behaviour• She no longer has so many tantrums• She got on better with her peers and staff• She cooperated more in the classroom• She developed her own strategies for calming herself

down and was able to talk about how she was feeling instead of resorting to disruptive behaviour .

ACTIVITY MAKING SCRIPTSKNOWING WHAT TO SAY

• Choose a scenario and work out what you would say for each step – making scripts

DOES IT REALLY WORK?

PERSPECTIVES OF IMPACT 23 generalised positive statements

Emotion coaching…• “is a useful tool• helps children to regulate, improve and take ownership of their behaviour• helps children to calm down• helps children to better understand their emotions• makes practitioners more sensitive to children’s needs• helps to create more consistent responses to children’s behaviour• helps practitioners to feel more ‘in control’ during incidents• provides practitioners with a ‘script’• makes practitioners less dismissive of children’s feelings• has become embedded into practice and will continue• should be used by all practitioners”

Professional practice Adult Self-Regulation Behavioural Impact on Child0%

10%

20%

30%

40%

50%

60%

70%

80%

90%

100%

Impact of Emotion CoachingN = 71

Positive impact

No impact

Practitioners’ quotes

‘It makes the children feel more secure and gives them a vocabulary to talk about how

they are feeling instead of just acting out . This helps

them to be more positive and happier’.

‘I know now that empathy is an important part of teaching’.

Practitioners’ quotes‘These are the kids that

drive you nuts but I’m now very aware that I switch

something on and I’m going to go through those stages in a considered way. I can be calmer and then that helps the child to calm

down’.

‘Children have trust with their teachers and it impacts on everything … they

have this resilience to think they can

cope with this, they don’t have to fly off

the handle’.

Young People’s quotesIt calms you down a lot really.If the teachers did that more often that would probably help us, because then we won’t go back in messing around. We’ll be, like all nice and calm. Because if teachers just send us out and just shouts at us we’ll just carry on messing around most of the time. If teachers just asks us how we’re feeling and what happened and everything, we’re going to go in to have the rest of the lesson nice and peaceful and quiet(Boy aged 13)

When people, like, take the mick out of me, like, in class I just get angry and I just hit ‘em. Now the teachers talks to me and it calms me down – the other kids don’t really pick on me now because they know that I don’t react(Boy aged 13)

Young People’s quotes

I would, like, walk off, I used to kick off and get excluded again. Now someone tries to, like, calm me down and now I calm down and regret it after. I will go back and say sorry (Girl aged 15)

They listen to you and make sure that you’re OK and, like, trying to make sure you’re stable and stuff and all of this helps you (Girl aged 15)

Research Summary Findings• Reduces negative behaviour incidents• Increased self-awareness of meta-emotion

philosophy• Effective in ‘getting through’• De-escalation• Prevents exclusion• Reduces stress• Provides ‘Scripts’

SCHOOL CASE STUDY EXAMPLE

Case Study – Marked reduction in Calls Outs and Internal Exclusions for 6 Young Boys at risk of permanent exclusion

Internal exclusions: 2010/11 2011/12

Young Person 1 6 5

Young Person 2 4 1

Young Person 3 5 5

Young Person 4 0 1

Young Person 5 2 1

Young Person 6 4 0

Calls out: 2010/11 2011/12

Young Person 1 23 20

Young Person 2 9 3

Young Person 3 15 6

Young Person 4 12 2

Young Person 5 16 3

Young Person 6 9 2

Reduction in Call Outs:

84 to 36

Reduction in Internal

Exclusions:

21 to 13

ACTIVITYApplying Emotion Coaching in your

practice

Brainstorm with your group:•What aspects of EC do you think you already apply in your practice?•Can you see how EC might be applied in your practice?•Can you think of an incident that has occurred when EC could have been used?•Can you see any possible challenges?

THE END

Any Questions ?

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